Fiction: When You Weren't Looking: Chapter 6 and 7
Here is the previous chapters list:
chapter 1, chapters 2 and 3, chapter 4 and 5
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Chapter 6: Darkness
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When Ashlee was five years old her mean, bullish older cousin, Mitchell, locked her in a dark small shed as a joke. She walked into the room with him because he told her that he wanted to show her something “cool”. After she was in the middle of the room, he turned around and bolted latch on the outside of the door. The sound of the metal lock sliding against the door sent her into a panic even at that age. She remembered running to the old metal entrance and begging to be let back out.
She could hear him laughing as he ran away, leaving her completely alone in the blackness. Young Ashlee sat curled up in the middle of the dusty, dirty floor and cried. She remembered hearing noises and feeling bugs crawl on her skin. She felt spider webs brush her legs as she rocked back and forth.
The old shed had shaken when a really strong wind gust would blow. A horrible rainstorm beat against the tin roofing and water dripped onto the ground a few feet away from her. Her five old year self, wrapped her arms around her knees to ward off the chill and buried her tear soaked face on them. She cried for almost five hours before anyone came to let her out of that dismal place. Doris had been livid with Mitchell. She pulled Ashlee out of the darkness and hugged her tightly. It was one of the only times her mother had ever shown that kind of affection to her.
Ashlee recalled her cousin grinning at her as she cried loudly against her mother’s stomach until Doris forced her uncle to punish his evil son. She could still see him mouthing the words, ‘I’m going to get you’ as his father grounded him for a week.
When her mother and her arrived back home that night, Doris made it clear that Mitchell wasn’t the only one to blame for her being locked in that horrible shed. That she should have realized that he was playing a trick on her. Her mom had taken her favorite Barbie doll as punishment and told her to stop being such a baby, that she was fine.
For a month after, she tried to tell Doris that she didn’t like the dark anymore and pleaded with her mom to get a nightlight. Her mother thought she was being dramatic. Ashlee never did get that nightlight. Instead she hid a flash light under her bed and when Doris would tell her to turn the lights out; she would turn the light on and leave it next to her bed.
Ever since then, Ashlee hated the dark. She sometimes still left the light in the bathroom on so that the room wouldn’t be completely black. It was one of those things that no one knew about her. Not even Coop. It was a fear that she had always kept to herself. Now she was stuck in the darkness for good. The tragic, sick irony wasn’t lost on her.
She felt Coop touch her hand; she knew it was him because of the feel of his palm against her skin. It was a feeling she knew by heart. It was comforting and yet she wasn’t comforted. Ashlee felt panicked and scared. She didn’t understand why this was happening.
What had she done to deserve this? Was it because of Alan? And if it was because of the shooting why now? Why wait until after she had confessed and served her time? Was it because she was a bad person? Had she done something truly despicable in a past life that God decided to make her greatest fear her new reality?
Ashlee felt the tears fill her throat and she swallowed to push them back down. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to show Coop her fear. She wanted to be strong.
Coop had called the doctor as soon as she told him she couldn’t see him. She had no concept of how long ago that was. It felt like hours, days, months, years…
“Ashlee?” Coop’s gentle voice called out to her. She turned her head to where she thought he was. “Don’t be scared, I’m here with you.”
The tears she fought so hard came back. This time she didn’t even try to stop them from falling down her cheeks. What was the point? He knew she was terrified. He had seen the truth that she couldn’t hide. He took her face in his hands and wiped the water away with his thumbs. She leaned into his touch. She needed him and he was there, just like she had always hoped he would be.
“Coop,” she whispered. “Why?”
She heard his own tears in his voice. “I don’t know, Ash, but once the doctor comes we will ask her.”
Ashlee turned her head away from him. She relayed on her many memories of him to picture how he looked at that moment. She could envision the way his mouth would form the words and the way his blue eyes would shimmer with moisture. She wondered if any of the tears she had heard in his voice had fallen or if he was forcing them back.
She lifted her left hand and reached in his general direction. He removed one of his hands from her cheeks and grabbed it. “What do you want?” He asked quietly.
Ashlee guessed her hearing was beginning to sharpen because it didn’t sound that soft to her. “I want to touch you.”
He placed her hand against his face. She bit her bottom lip and traced his features with her finger tips. She gazed over his forehead to his nose and along his cheek and chin. She grimaced a little. “When was the last time you shaved?”
Coop barked out an unexpected laugh. “It’s been a couple of days.”
She nodded. “You need to shave.” Ash continued her exploration of the planes of his face. “You’ve lost weight.”
It wasn’t a question. She could feel that his face was thinner and she didn’t like that. “You need to eat more.”
Coop chuckled. “You sound like my dad. Actually you sound like just about every Cooper in town.”
Ashlee smiled at the mention of his family. In her mind’s eye she could see all the Coopers standing around Company with their welcoming smiles. Her face dropped when she realized that she would never see them again. She tried to push that thought away and remember that the doctor hadn’t come in yet to let her know anything.
She smiled a small smile, “Well I am an honorary Cooper,” she rested her palm against his cheek. “I have the key to prove it.”
He nodded against her hand. “Yes, you do.” He placed his own hand upon hers. “You’re one of us, Ashlee Wolfe.”
Her heart swelled with love for this man. A love she knew he didn’t return and now probably never would. She wished that she could see him. She wished she could take in his smile that she felt against her hand.
A noise caught her attention; she turned her face away from Coop’s direction toward the new sound. It was so frustrating that she couldn’t see what was there. Almost unconsciously she strained her eyes to take in something they could no longer see.
“Hello?” she called out.
“Miss Wolfe?” a female voice that Ashlee didn’t recognize called out to the right of her.
“Yes,” she replied slowly.
“My name is Doctor Mackenzie Ross and I’m the Optometrist on staff here at Cedars.”
Ashlee heard her move closer to the bed. She removed her hand from Coop’s cheek and extended it awkwardly toward where she thought the doctor was. She felt the doctor take her hand in her own. The hand shake was clumsy because Ashlee was using her left hand. She heard the doctor drag a chair across the floor to sit by the bed.
“How are you feeling?” the doctor asked. Ashlee noticed a slight British accent to her voice. It made the tone sound very smoothing.
Ashlee cleared her throat, “I’m fine, other than the fact that I can’t see.”
Dr. Ross moved next to her. She felt a warm light against her cheek. She guessed the doctor was looking into her unseeing eyes. “Hmmm,” she said as she continued to move the light around. “It looks like some shards of glass may have damaged your retinas.”
“What does that mean for her eyesight?” Coop asked from her left. She could hear the concern in his voice.
“It means that, Miss Wolfe…”
“Ashlee,” Ashlee told the doctor.
“It means,” she could tell the doctor was smiling a little. “Ashlee will probably have to have another surgery to repair the damage.” Dr. Ross told them.
Ashlee’s heart pounded against her chest as hope bloomed throughout her body. “So this is temporary.” She asked excitedly.
The doctor hesitated at her side. Her newfound hope started to deflate. “I don’t want to give you false hope, Ashlee.” She paused. “There is a chance that with the surgery your eyes will regain sight, but there is also a chance that they will not.”
Ashlee turned away from the doctor and stared blankly ahead of her. She hated the nothingness in her vision. She wanted her eye sight back.
“What are the chances?” Coop asked.
Ashlee wanted to hit him. She didn’t want to know. She just wanted to be able to see.
“That all depends on the amount of damage done during the accident.” She heard the doctor stand and push the chair back a little. “I’ll need to do a full examination before we make any plans. How about I come back tomorrow to do the eye examine and then we’ll talk about the options before you.”
Ashlee could do nothing but nod. She listened as the doctor left the room. Coop shifted in his seat, but she kept her face straight ahead.
“This is good news, Ashlee,” he informed her gently.
She felt an insane anger build in her. ‘How was this good news?’ she wondered to herself.
She wanted to scream at him, for what she wasn’t really sure. He didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t his fault she got into a car accident. It wasn’t his fault that her greatest fear was unfolding in front of her. It wasn’t his fault that there was a chance that she would never see again. None of the stuff that was happening was his fault, but the anger was still there.
She turned toward him and tried to force a smile to her lips. “I know, Coop.” He took her hand in his, she pulled it away. “Listen, I’m really tired. Can you come back tomorrow?”
She felt the hurt radiate off of him. Ashlee didn’t need to see to know that she just cut him, but she needed to be alone. She needed to give into this anger that was getting stronger with each passing second and she didn’t want him around when she did.
The chair strapped against the floor as he stood. “I’ll come back first thing in the morning Ash,” he whispered into her hair. He pressed his lips to her forehead. “Good night.”
Ashlee held her emotions at bay, “Good night.” She followed his steps until she heard the door close behind him. She buried her head into the pillow and sobbed angrily. Her whole body shook with the force of her tears.
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Coop stood outside her hospital room and listened to her sob. It took all his willpower not to disobey her wishes and rush back in there and hold her. He curled his hands into tight fists. He wanted to punch something.
He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. Ashlee didn’t need his anger right now; she needed him to be strong. She needed him to be her support.
He leaned against the wall. Her sobs were muffled by the pillow but he could still hear them and each one broke his heart a little more. She didn’t deserve this. She’s been through so much and it was like she never got ahead of the race. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.
Coop needed to do something. He hated not being able to help her. He opened his eyes and saw Ava at the end of the hall. She walked toward him and his back stiffened. He really didn’t want to deal with her tonight his mind was already too full.
She stepped in front of him and placed her hands against his cheeks. “How’s Ashlee?”
He tried to think of a way to politely remove her hands from his face. He could still feel Ashlee’s soft caress as she traced the contours of his face. He never realized how soft her hands really were until they touched him this evening. Coop gently grabbed Ava’s hands and wrapped them in his own.
“She’s not doing too well,” he told his ex. “She woke up though.”
“Well that’s good isn’t it?” she asked.
Coop nodded. “Yeah, but she can’t see.”
Ava looked away from Coop and raised her eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yeah,” he looked back at the door for a second. “She’s pretty shaken up.”
“So are you, it seems,” she said a bit snidely.
Coop’s forehead wrinkled. “Huh?”
“You look like it’s your girlfriend in there instead of your friend,” she pulled her hands from his. “Are you in love with Ashlee?”
Coop ran a hand through his hair, “Why does everyone keep asking that?”
Ava tilted her head and raised her eyebrow again. “That’s a good question Coop.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “But here’s something to consider when you are making your decision.” She leaned in and kissed him passionately.
She nipped at his bottom lip with her teeth then smoothed it with her tongue. Coop lifted his arms to wrap them around her, but placed them on her stomach and pushed her away. She wasn’t going to be deterred though and started kissing his neck.
“Ava,” he stepped back from her. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
She nodded. “Fine, but Coop I won’t wait forever. You need to make up your mind soon or you won’t have any one.”
He watched her walked back down the hallway and sighed. ‘When did life become so complicated?’
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Coop walked into his boarding house room and headed for the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror then grabbed his razor and shaving cream. Ashlee was right, he really needed to shave. He started rubbing the foam on his stubbly face and began shaving the hair away. He was just about done when his cell phone rang in the next room. He thought briefly of letting it go to voicemail, but then the song registered.
He ran to grab the phone before the final ring ended. He hit the connect button and took a deep breath, “Ashlee?”
“Yeah, it’s me,” her voice sound worn out and sore, probably from all the crying.
“How did you call?” he asked before he could stop himself.
“A nurse dialed your number for me,” she paused and he held his breath. “I’m sorry for making you leave.”
He smiled through the shaving cream still on his face. “It’s alright.” Coop sat on the armrest of his couch. “Did you need something?”
He heard her breathing on the other end. “I’m just a little scared and I wanted to hear your voice.”
He closed his eyes, “I’ll talk as long as you need me to.” The line was silent on the other end. “Ashlee?”
“I’m here,” she yawned. “I was just listening to you breathe. I can hear things much clearer now.” She paused. “I’m scared of the dark…ironic isn’t it?”
Coop used the towel around his neck to wipe away the foam. “Do you want me to come back and read to you?”
The line went quiet again. “I’d like that.” She whispered.
He threw the towel in the bathroom and stood from the couch. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He waited for a second then went to hang up. She spoke very softly.
“Thank you, Coop Cooper.”
The phone went dead and he smiled. He grabbed a book from his stack and walked out of his room.
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Chapter 7: Pride and Prejudice
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Colors blended together to make a picture in her mind. Red bled into orange, orange into yellow, yellow into white. The world melted away and changed. Brilliant, bright images danced behind her eyelids. They formed into objects and people that she could almost touch while Coop read to her. She could hear the horse trotting down the cobblestone roads. And the character’s voices were as loud in her head as they would be if they were in the room with her. She pictured herself sitting in the old manor, dressed in the clothes of that time. Sipping tea and bantering with the handsome man sitting before her.
Ashlee could see the words he spoke as if a movie was playing in her head. Clips of life, of someone else’s life, took up space in the dark confines of her mind. She leaned her head back against the flat hospital pillows and let the world he was creating envelop her. His familiar voice helped her drift away from her own dark existence into one of flawed perfection.
Coop took on the role of the hero, her hero. He played the man with the roguish and dashing good looks that makes his quite ineloquent plea to the heroine. She grinned. Coop embodied the part of Mr. Darcy rather well in her little film.
Ashlee started speaking the words with him. She knew this story by heart. It was one of the books that she always kept by her side. She could remember her fifth grade teacher handing her a copy of Pride and Prejudice with a smile, telling her that it would become a book that she would cherish.
Elizabeth Bennett’s fearless nature and sharp tongue were an inspiration to her as a child. She related to the struggles and hoped that one day she would find her own Mr. Darcy. Ashlee tilted her head toward Coop’s voice and wondered if he would ever want that role for real.
Ashlee bit back a sigh of disappointment, ‘Of course he wouldn’t. He only came tonight because you called and asked him. Stop making it out to be something more than that, Ashlee. If you don’t, you’re going to get crushed.’
He read the last page of the chapter and Ashlee smiled. “That’s one of my favorite books.”
“I know,” he told her from his seat at the side of her bed.
She closed her eyes. What was the point to keeping them open? She still couldn’t see and she was still in the dark, but with him here…it wasn’t as scary.
“How do you know?” she asked softly. Ashlee didn’t want to disturb the calm that he had created while reading to her.
“You told me a couple of months ago,” he brushed his hand against her cheek. She felt herself blush at the intimate touch. “You had an eyelash on your cheek.”
“Oh,” she smiled a bit shyly, feeling a bit foolish for hoping it was something other than just a friendly touch. “I think you’re supposed to make a wish and blow the lash off of the person’s finger, right?”
“Yeah, then the wish will come true.” Coop shifted in his seat. “You want to try?”
Ashlee frowned. “I don’t see how I can when I don’t even know where your finger is, Coop.”
“I’ll help you,” he said very close to her.
She swallowed and nodded. “Okay.”
“Make your wish.”
She closed her eyes even tighter and made her wish. ‘I wish I could see Coop again.’ “Alright, I’m ready.”
“Blow,” he told her.
She took an extra breath into her lungs and let it back out in one strong push. “Did it work?” she asked nervously.
“Yeah,” his grin was easily heard. “Your wish will come true.”
Ashlee laughed. Her first since this whole horrible day had started. “You think it’s that easy, Coop Cooper?”
“I do,” Coop responded. “I think anything’s possible where you’re concern.” He paused. “So what did you wish for?”
“Oh, no. You know the rules, I can’t tell anyone my wish.” She grinned at him. Or at least where she thought he was.
“Just a little hint?” he teased her.
“Sorry, can’t do it.” She reached out her hand and touched his face. Her grin turned into a soft smile. “You shaved.”
“You told me I needed to.”
Ashlee nodded. “I just didn’t expect you to do it right away.” She laid her hand on his cheek. “Thank you, for being here for me even though I pushed you away before.”
“Ashlee…”
“No, let me finish.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve never known anyone like you. I’ve never had anyone in my life that stands by me like you do and I needed that today.” She licked her lip and sighed. “I’ve asked you this before, but what did I do to deserve you in my life?”
Coop grinned against her hand. “You didn’t do anything, because you didn’t need to do anything. Ashlee, I’m the lucky one in this friendship.”
Ashlee yawned. “I’m not sure about that.”
He placed her hand on the bed and held it in his own. “Good night, Ashlee.”
She squeezed his warm fingers. “Good night, Coop.” And with his hand in hers, she drifted off to sleep.
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Coop woke up and tried to work out the kinks in his neck. The hospital’s chairs were definitely not designed for sleeping. He moaned in relief when he felt one of the knots in his neck give with a loud crack. He sighed and looked at Ashlee.
She was still sleeping peacefully at his side with their hands still intertwined. He gently unlaced their fingers and stood. Stretching out the aching muscles of his back and legs, he walked over to the window and watched the world get blanketed in the rich golden color of the morning sun. He leaned against the windowsill and rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t believe that Ashlee might never see the world beauty the same way she used to again.
No matter how much he hoped the surgery would rectify the damage to her eyes, he couldn’t forget the way the doctor hedged uncertainly yesterday. Coop wondered if Ashlee knew the chances weren’t that good and that’s why she kicked him out the day before. It wouldn’t surprise him if she did. Ashlee was an extremely bright and intuitive person in most cases.
She always looked on the happier side of things, but Coop suspected that she was more aware of the bad things than most. He turned back to her and observed the light gently caressing her peaceful features. The yellowish orange illumination slowly crept up her face to her hair. He smiled as the glow gave her a bright halo.
Her eyes flickered behind her lids. The dream that embraced her mind put a small smile on her lips. He was curious about what she was thinking about in her dream state. What had her so happy. Her lips parted in a sigh. His breath caught at the sweet innocent look on her face.
He sat back down in his seat and brushed her hair back from her forehead.
“I love you,” she whispered. He stopped his movements and strained his ears.
‘Did she really said that?’ he questioned. The words were spoken so softly that he couldn’t be sure. And even if she had said those words it didn’t mean anything. She was dreaming.
Coop felt his heart pound against his ribcage. ‘What if she did say the words? Who did she say them to? Kane? No, they just met. Was there someone else?’
Questions swirled and twisted in his mind. He leaned back in the chair and placed his head in his hands. Coop knew he was probably letting his imagination get the best of him. It was one of the draw backs to being a writer, sometimes the most innocent comments turned epic to him. He slapped his hands against his knees and stood. He needed coffee and quickly.
Coop looked back at Ashlee with a grimace. He didn’t want to leave her alone. The thought of her waking up without anyone there was not something he wanted to entertain. He paced the floor, debating what he should do. It wouldn’t take him that long to grab a cup of coffee, but if she woke up while he was gone…
He saw her move slightly under the covers. Her eyes opened then shut quickly. She turned her head to where he had been sitting and he held his breath. She gradually let her eyes open again. He was preparing himself for panic, but what he got was something completely different. Her shoulder slumped a little and she sighed.
“I can hear you’re breathing from here,” she said as she turned her unseeing eyes in his direction.
He didn’t want to tell her or have her figure it out, but the blank stare was unnerving to him. He was so used to her eyes being as expressive as the rest of her was. Like last night he was reading to her, she became the old Ashlee again. She was smiling and laughing with the story. He hated that she was now the exact opposite.
He cleared his throat and walked back over to the chair. “I was just stretching my legs.”
“I’m blind, not deaf. I heard you pacing.” She looked over his right shoulder with a confused expression. “Did you need to go somewhere?”
“I was just going to look for some coffee, but I didn’t want you to wake up alone.”
She nodded. “You don’t have to worry about me. I know that I kind of freaked last night and I called you like a big baby, but I’m fine.” Her voice wavered a little toward the end and gave away her fear.
Coop took her hand in his. “I don’t doubt you are.” He smiled a bit sadly. “I just wanted you to know I was still here. And you weren’t a big baby; you are one of the strongest people I know.”
Tears welled up in her cobalt eyes. She blinked quickly. “I don’t feel all that strong right now.”
“The bravest people are the ones that face fear head on.” Coop told her.
Ashlee laughed sarcastically. “I don’t have much choice do I?” She paused and turned her head to face directly in front of her. “Go get your coffee, Coop. And while you’re down in the café, or wherever you’re going, get something to eat.”
“Ashlee, I don’t need to…”
She held up her left hand. “Coop, you can’t be with me twenty-four/ seven. I’m going to have to deal with this on my own.” She turned her head back to him. “And now’s as good a time to start as any. This might be my life now and I can’t expect you to always be there when I wake up. You have a life, Coop. You have teaching, your family and Ava. And I, well, I have a lot of thinking to do about what’s next.”
Coop felt the words cut him to the bone. “Ashlee, you don’t have to make those decisions right now and you definitely don’t have to make those decisions by yourself. We don’t even know what the doctor is going to say.”
Ashlee laughed bitterly, “I might not have seen that doctor, but I heard her Coop! I heard the tension and the hesitation in her voice when she first looked at my eyes.” She shook her head. “Did you really think I slept all night last night? Did you really think I didn’t wake up and have a mini panic attack?”
“I was here beside you, I would have heard you.”
“Oh, Coop, you were exhausted and I know keep my fears to myself. I’ve had a lot of practice. Doris wasn’t the most supportive mother in the world.” She paused. “I had your hand in mine to remind me during those times that you were still here, but Coop you aren’t always going to be.”
His head lowered as the truth of her words hit home. She was right he wouldn’t always be by her side. No matter how much he wanted to. There would be a time when he just wouldn’t be able. He grasped her hand once again. “You’re right.”
She nodded. “Go get your breakfast.”
He stood, “I’ll be back later.”
Ashlee smiled. “I hoped you would, Coop Cooper.”
Coop walked to the door and turned back to watch Ashlee lower her head and close her eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but closed it when he realized there was nothing left to say.
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Kane stepped into Ashlee’s hospital room and placed his guitar on the floor leaning against the wall. He noticed her head shoot up.
“Hello?” she called out to him.
He took the seat that Coop had been in earlier and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Hello, darlin’.”
Ashlee turned her head in his direction and smiled. “Kane…are you okay? I heard we were in an accident.”
“Unfortunately, sweetheart, you were the only one that got seriously hurt. I just had to be on crutches for a while.” He brushed her hair back from her cheek. “I’m sorry that you got so hurt.”
She waved her uninjured hand in a dismissive fashion. “It wasn’t your fault.” She laughed. “I bet I’m a date you’ll never forget. I actually slipped into a coma right after our night together.”
“Well, you were already mighty memorable, even without the trip to the hospital.” He grinned at her.
“Oh you are such a charmer…and you’re full of it.”
Kane laughed then sobered up. “I heard about your eye sight.”
“Hmm, well good news travels fast,” she responded quietly. They sat together for a moment before Ashlee broke the silence. “I hate the quiet.”
“Well, I do have something I think will cheer you up.”
Ashlee tilted her head. “What’s that?”
Kane stood and grabbed the guitar from where he had set it. “I thought I’d sing to you.” He ducked his head and chuckled. “I know it seems cheesy…”
“No,” Ashlee quickly said. “Well, maybe a little.” She chuckled. “But I’d still like to hear you sing.”
He tuned up his six-string and began to play. His voice was strong and perfectly in tune.
“You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand”
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Coop stood in the hallway and listened to Kane sing softly to Ashlee. He raised his hand to knock and let them know he was there, but then dropped his hand. He tossed his unfinished cup of coffee into the trash. He looked back at Ashlee’s serene face once more before turning around and leaving the hospital. Ashlee didn't need him when she had Kane.
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The song is Stand by Rascal Flatts and is one of my favorites!
End Chapter 7