DWP Comment Fic-A-Thon - Pecos Bill
Title: Pecos Bill
Rating: G
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Prompt: 4th Poke the Dragon, Wake the Muse, DWP Comment Fic-A-Thon - for punky_96 - any characters, any pairing; armadillo - I would love to know what could be done with DWP and this word, this animal, this creature. Serious fic. Total crack fic. Humorous. Really, like Miranda Problems, the possibilities are endless.
Summary: Andy receives an unexpected package.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the rights to The Devil Wears Prada or any of its characters.
A/N: I think this would qualify as crack fic. Oh yeah, it’s cracked. This is a one shot not related to my series. Thank you Dee (mxrolkr) for looking this over.
“Delivery for Andy Sachs.” The young man in a brown uniform read the label on the box he was holding.
Andrea Sachs, Andy to her friends, paused her conversation with Emily Charlton. “I’m Andy.” She pointed towards her desk as she moved to meet the delivery man. The young man set the box down and held out his electronic pad for Andy’s signature.
Curious, Emily came around her desk to join Andy as the delivery man left. “Why would someone send you a package here?”
Andy shrugged. “No clue. Good thing it came today. I’ll be at the Mirror on Monday.” She sifted the box around to read the label.
“Andy?” Emily was shocked by the change in her friend’s expression. The color drained from Andy’s face and her eyes practically bugged out. She seemed to sway before grabbing hold of the edge of the desk.
“No, no!” Andy leaned over and seized her cell phone. She scrolled through the contacts before stabbing the desired icon. While she waited for someone to answer, she grabbed the letter opener and sliced the tape holding the box closed. Using one hand she dug Styrofoam peanuts out of the way. Just as her hand closed on her quarry, she heard a familiar voice. “Mom! Why do I have Bill? It’s not my turn!” Andy was frantic. She did not need this on her last day at Runway. “No! George is next!”
Emily saw Andy pull something strange from the box and wave it around. Confused she took a step closer to get a better look. It was some sort of dead animal.
“Mom!” Andy shook her head, in no mood for her mother’s explanation. “MOM! It is not my turn!” She paused before shaking her head again. “I don’t care if he is in Afghanistan. IT. IS. NOT. MY. TURN.” Andy stamped her foot in frustration and tried to reason with her mother. She was so focused on her phone call she did not notice Miranda and Nigel coming back from lunch.
“Emily, what is going on here?” Miranda was surprised to see packing peanuts strewn across the floor and Andrea throwing a tantrum.
“I have no idea, Miranda.” Emily shrugged and watched her friend pace in front of her desk. “Andy received this package and called her mother.”
Miranda raised an eyebrow and looked at Nigel hoping he had an explanation.
Nigel shrugged and stared at Andy’s desk. “Is that an armadillo?”
Miranda turned her attention back to Andrea. The animal was resting on her desk and the girl was banging her phone against her forehead. “Andrea, what is the meaning of this?”
Andy’s head dropped and her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, Miranda.”
“I didn’t ask for an apology.” Miranda dropped her purse on the corner of Emily’s desk. “Why are you upset by that thing?”
“His name is Pecos Bill. He’s sort of a family heirloom,” she said with disgust. “My idiot cousin signed up for another tour in Afghanistan rather than take Bill.” Andy glared at the armadillo.
“He’s not pretty.” Emily leaned closer and poked the armadillo with one finger. “But I’m guessing it’s not his looks that have you upset.”
Andy crossed her arms over her chest and continued to glare at the object. “He gets passed to the unattached members of our family and stays until that person gets engaged or married. My cousin is two weeks older than me. He should have gotten Bill first.”
Nigel had a confused expression on his face as he rubbed his jaw. “I don’t understand, Six.”
Andy sighed and tossed her phone back onto her desk. “I’d put it off to coincidence, except it happens every time. When Pecos Bill shows up, the recipient either gets engaged or married.”
Nigel and Emily exchanged looks of disbelief and shock. But when they looked at Miranda, she appeared saddened.
Nigel cleared his throat. “Pecos Bill is your family’s version of Cupid?”
Andy nodded and gave Nigel a wry half smile.
“So what’s the problem?” Nigel glanced at Miranda out of the corner of his eye.
“No problem,” Andy said quietly. “I’ll just be his first failure.” She ran her finger along the armadillo’s back unaware that Miranda had taken a half step closer.
“No prospects?” He nudged Emily and pointed to Miranda.
“Something like that.” Andy continued to stare at Bill. “She’s completely out of my league,” she whispered not realizing the Miranda was right behind her.
Emily breathed a sigh of relief at the smile that appeared on Miranda’s face.
Miranda schooled her features and moved towards her office. She paused at the doorway and looked over her shoulder. “Andrea, deliver the book for the last time tonight.” After she entered her office she called out, “And bring your friend.”
***
Andy unlocked the townhouse door and let Roy step in first. When he saw Andy loaded down with the dry cleaning, the Book, and Bill, he offered his assistance. “There you go, Andy. Anything else?” He closed the closet door and walked back to the entryway.
“No,” Andy placed the Book on the correct table. “Thanks for everything, Roy. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.”
Roy waved as he slipped out the door.
“Andrea, up here.” Miranda waited until Roy was gone before calling down to Andrea. She waited patiently as the girl climbed the stairs. Once Andrea joined her, Miranda led the way to the sitting room. “I thought we would be more comfortable in here.”
“Wine?” Miranda asked when Andrea settled in one of the overstuffed chairs.
“Thank you.” Andy set Pecos Bill on the coffee table and took the glass Miranda offered. She waited for the older woman to get comfortable on the love seat across from her before sipping her drink.
The women relaxed and sipped their wine enjoying the silence. Andy’s eyes wandered around the room taking in the comfortable décor. Miranda watched and waited for the young woman to become sufficiently relaxed. Finally, Miranda set her glass on the coffee table.
Andy drained her glass and set it next to Miranda’s. She sat up a little straighter and waited for the interrogation to begin.
Miranda flicked her fingers at the armadillo. “Please explain that thing.”
Andy was momentarily stunned by the please. “Umm, my grandfather grew up in Texas, and Pecos Bill was his pet. When Bill passed, Grandpa had him stuffed.” Andy shifted in her seat and prepared for the outrageous part of the story.
“Within a few months, Grandpa met the woman who would become my grandmother. After they were married, she made Grandpa get rid of Bill. So Grandpa sent Bill to his brother. Within a few months his brother got married. Once again, the new bride kicked Bill out of the house. Next Grandpa’s little brother took Bill.” Andy rubbed the back of her neck. “Grandpa was best man at his little brother’s wedding six months later.”
Miranda leaned back and frowned as she considered that three weddings were an amazing coincidence. However, considering Andrea’s fit earlier today there must be more to the story. “That’s not all there is,” she guessed.
Andy shook her head. “No. Grandpa had his suspicions and when his kids were in their mid-twenties, Bill was sent for a visit. Each time, an engagement and marriage ensued.”
Miranda rubbed her forehead. “How many to date?”
“Eighteen.” Andy chewed her lip knowing how preposterous the story sounded. But the family swore by Bill’s effect. Some of her cousins went to great lengths to delay receiving Bill. She hadn’t expected to see the stuffed armadillo for another year or two.
“Have all of these marriages been happy?” Miranda asked.
“Yeah,” Andy nodded and slumped into the chair. “One aunt and a couple of cousins got married before it was their turn to get Bill. Those marriages ended in divorce.”
“Why were you so upset earlier?” Miranda swallowed as she considered her next hard question. “Are you involved with someone?”
Andy stared at her lap and picked at her skirt. “No. I mean, there is someone I would like to get to know better. But I don’t have a chance. I don’t want Bill to pick out someone else.”
Miranda raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in her seat. “You said the marriages were happy. Why are you worried?”
“I know who I want,” Andy whispered.
“Andrea?” Miranda got up and came around the coffee table to kneel in front of the young woman. “Who do you want?” She held her breath, afraid to hear the answer.
Tears brimmed in Andy’s eyes. “You.”
Miranda slipped her hand to the back of Andy’s neck and pulled her forward. The kiss was soft and gentle and everything she could have dreamed. Pulling back, Miranda touched foreheads with Andrea. “I want you too,” she whispered.
***
Fourteen Years Later
Andy and Miranda were relaxing in the second floor sitting room when Andy’s cell phone played a familiar tune.
Miranda smirked as she continued reviewing the Elias-Clarke financial reports. “Three guesses what the call is concerning and the first two don’t count.”
Andy laughed as she answered. “Hello, Caroline.”
“Ma! Why do I have Bill?” Caroline screamed. “It’s not my turn!”
Andy pulled the phone away from her ear and put the call on speaker. “Sorry, Sweetie. Cassidy is on the International Space Station for the next few months.” She really didn’t expect the reasonable explanation to dampen the girl’s indignation.
“That’s no excuse,” Caroline huffed. “They have shuttles going up all the time.”
Miranda tossed the financials on the coffee table and smiled as Andrea reviewed the NASA requirements for sending any cargo into space. Fortunately for Cassidy, and unfortunately for Caroline, Pecos Bill would not be going into space anytime soon. Although, Miranda mused, that will probably change in future generations.
Caroline finally wound down and grudgingly accepted Bill. After hanging up, Miranda and Andy broke out in peals of laughter.
Andy wiped the tears from her eyes as she snuggled with Miranda. “That went better than expected.”
Miranda hugged her wife and laid her head against Andrea’s. “According to Cassidy, that may be due to the young man she is currently dating.”
Andy nodded and wound her arm around Miranda’s waist. “I’m glad. I hope she’ll be as happy as us.”
Miranda turned and kissed the top of Andrea’s head. “I doubt that anyone could be as happy as we are. However, she may get lucky.”
“Sweet talker.” Andy stood up and held her hand out. “Let’s go upstairs. We can discuss our happiness and being lucky.”
Miranda took Andrea’s hand and led her out of the study. “I have a feeling we will both be getting lucky, but there won’t be a lot of talking involved.”
Andy laughed as she followed her love.
Rating: G
Pairing: Andy/Miranda
Prompt: 4th Poke the Dragon, Wake the Muse, DWP Comment Fic-A-Thon - for punky_96 - any characters, any pairing; armadillo - I would love to know what could be done with DWP and this word, this animal, this creature. Serious fic. Total crack fic. Humorous. Really, like Miranda Problems, the possibilities are endless.
Summary: Andy receives an unexpected package.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the rights to The Devil Wears Prada or any of its characters.
A/N: I think this would qualify as crack fic. Oh yeah, it’s cracked. This is a one shot not related to my series. Thank you Dee (mxrolkr) for looking this over.
“Delivery for Andy Sachs.” The young man in a brown uniform read the label on the box he was holding.
Andrea Sachs, Andy to her friends, paused her conversation with Emily Charlton. “I’m Andy.” She pointed towards her desk as she moved to meet the delivery man. The young man set the box down and held out his electronic pad for Andy’s signature.
Curious, Emily came around her desk to join Andy as the delivery man left. “Why would someone send you a package here?”
Andy shrugged. “No clue. Good thing it came today. I’ll be at the Mirror on Monday.” She sifted the box around to read the label.
“Andy?” Emily was shocked by the change in her friend’s expression. The color drained from Andy’s face and her eyes practically bugged out. She seemed to sway before grabbing hold of the edge of the desk.
“No, no!” Andy leaned over and seized her cell phone. She scrolled through the contacts before stabbing the desired icon. While she waited for someone to answer, she grabbed the letter opener and sliced the tape holding the box closed. Using one hand she dug Styrofoam peanuts out of the way. Just as her hand closed on her quarry, she heard a familiar voice. “Mom! Why do I have Bill? It’s not my turn!” Andy was frantic. She did not need this on her last day at Runway. “No! George is next!”
Emily saw Andy pull something strange from the box and wave it around. Confused she took a step closer to get a better look. It was some sort of dead animal.
“Mom!” Andy shook her head, in no mood for her mother’s explanation. “MOM! It is not my turn!” She paused before shaking her head again. “I don’t care if he is in Afghanistan. IT. IS. NOT. MY. TURN.” Andy stamped her foot in frustration and tried to reason with her mother. She was so focused on her phone call she did not notice Miranda and Nigel coming back from lunch.
“Emily, what is going on here?” Miranda was surprised to see packing peanuts strewn across the floor and Andrea throwing a tantrum.
“I have no idea, Miranda.” Emily shrugged and watched her friend pace in front of her desk. “Andy received this package and called her mother.”
Miranda raised an eyebrow and looked at Nigel hoping he had an explanation.
Nigel shrugged and stared at Andy’s desk. “Is that an armadillo?”
Miranda turned her attention back to Andrea. The animal was resting on her desk and the girl was banging her phone against her forehead. “Andrea, what is the meaning of this?”
Andy’s head dropped and her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, Miranda.”
“I didn’t ask for an apology.” Miranda dropped her purse on the corner of Emily’s desk. “Why are you upset by that thing?”
“His name is Pecos Bill. He’s sort of a family heirloom,” she said with disgust. “My idiot cousin signed up for another tour in Afghanistan rather than take Bill.” Andy glared at the armadillo.
“He’s not pretty.” Emily leaned closer and poked the armadillo with one finger. “But I’m guessing it’s not his looks that have you upset.”
Andy crossed her arms over her chest and continued to glare at the object. “He gets passed to the unattached members of our family and stays until that person gets engaged or married. My cousin is two weeks older than me. He should have gotten Bill first.”
Nigel had a confused expression on his face as he rubbed his jaw. “I don’t understand, Six.”
Andy sighed and tossed her phone back onto her desk. “I’d put it off to coincidence, except it happens every time. When Pecos Bill shows up, the recipient either gets engaged or married.”
Nigel and Emily exchanged looks of disbelief and shock. But when they looked at Miranda, she appeared saddened.
Nigel cleared his throat. “Pecos Bill is your family’s version of Cupid?”
Andy nodded and gave Nigel a wry half smile.
“So what’s the problem?” Nigel glanced at Miranda out of the corner of his eye.
“No problem,” Andy said quietly. “I’ll just be his first failure.” She ran her finger along the armadillo’s back unaware that Miranda had taken a half step closer.
“No prospects?” He nudged Emily and pointed to Miranda.
“Something like that.” Andy continued to stare at Bill. “She’s completely out of my league,” she whispered not realizing the Miranda was right behind her.
Emily breathed a sigh of relief at the smile that appeared on Miranda’s face.
Miranda schooled her features and moved towards her office. She paused at the doorway and looked over her shoulder. “Andrea, deliver the book for the last time tonight.” After she entered her office she called out, “And bring your friend.”
***
Andy unlocked the townhouse door and let Roy step in first. When he saw Andy loaded down with the dry cleaning, the Book, and Bill, he offered his assistance. “There you go, Andy. Anything else?” He closed the closet door and walked back to the entryway.
“No,” Andy placed the Book on the correct table. “Thanks for everything, Roy. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.”
Roy waved as he slipped out the door.
“Andrea, up here.” Miranda waited until Roy was gone before calling down to Andrea. She waited patiently as the girl climbed the stairs. Once Andrea joined her, Miranda led the way to the sitting room. “I thought we would be more comfortable in here.”
“Wine?” Miranda asked when Andrea settled in one of the overstuffed chairs.
“Thank you.” Andy set Pecos Bill on the coffee table and took the glass Miranda offered. She waited for the older woman to get comfortable on the love seat across from her before sipping her drink.
The women relaxed and sipped their wine enjoying the silence. Andy’s eyes wandered around the room taking in the comfortable décor. Miranda watched and waited for the young woman to become sufficiently relaxed. Finally, Miranda set her glass on the coffee table.
Andy drained her glass and set it next to Miranda’s. She sat up a little straighter and waited for the interrogation to begin.
Miranda flicked her fingers at the armadillo. “Please explain that thing.”
Andy was momentarily stunned by the please. “Umm, my grandfather grew up in Texas, and Pecos Bill was his pet. When Bill passed, Grandpa had him stuffed.” Andy shifted in her seat and prepared for the outrageous part of the story.
“Within a few months, Grandpa met the woman who would become my grandmother. After they were married, she made Grandpa get rid of Bill. So Grandpa sent Bill to his brother. Within a few months his brother got married. Once again, the new bride kicked Bill out of the house. Next Grandpa’s little brother took Bill.” Andy rubbed the back of her neck. “Grandpa was best man at his little brother’s wedding six months later.”
Miranda leaned back and frowned as she considered that three weddings were an amazing coincidence. However, considering Andrea’s fit earlier today there must be more to the story. “That’s not all there is,” she guessed.
Andy shook her head. “No. Grandpa had his suspicions and when his kids were in their mid-twenties, Bill was sent for a visit. Each time, an engagement and marriage ensued.”
Miranda rubbed her forehead. “How many to date?”
“Eighteen.” Andy chewed her lip knowing how preposterous the story sounded. But the family swore by Bill’s effect. Some of her cousins went to great lengths to delay receiving Bill. She hadn’t expected to see the stuffed armadillo for another year or two.
“Have all of these marriages been happy?” Miranda asked.
“Yeah,” Andy nodded and slumped into the chair. “One aunt and a couple of cousins got married before it was their turn to get Bill. Those marriages ended in divorce.”
“Why were you so upset earlier?” Miranda swallowed as she considered her next hard question. “Are you involved with someone?”
Andy stared at her lap and picked at her skirt. “No. I mean, there is someone I would like to get to know better. But I don’t have a chance. I don’t want Bill to pick out someone else.”
Miranda raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in her seat. “You said the marriages were happy. Why are you worried?”
“I know who I want,” Andy whispered.
“Andrea?” Miranda got up and came around the coffee table to kneel in front of the young woman. “Who do you want?” She held her breath, afraid to hear the answer.
Tears brimmed in Andy’s eyes. “You.”
Miranda slipped her hand to the back of Andy’s neck and pulled her forward. The kiss was soft and gentle and everything she could have dreamed. Pulling back, Miranda touched foreheads with Andrea. “I want you too,” she whispered.
***
Fourteen Years Later
Andy and Miranda were relaxing in the second floor sitting room when Andy’s cell phone played a familiar tune.
Miranda smirked as she continued reviewing the Elias-Clarke financial reports. “Three guesses what the call is concerning and the first two don’t count.”
Andy laughed as she answered. “Hello, Caroline.”
“Ma! Why do I have Bill?” Caroline screamed. “It’s not my turn!”
Andy pulled the phone away from her ear and put the call on speaker. “Sorry, Sweetie. Cassidy is on the International Space Station for the next few months.” She really didn’t expect the reasonable explanation to dampen the girl’s indignation.
“That’s no excuse,” Caroline huffed. “They have shuttles going up all the time.”
Miranda tossed the financials on the coffee table and smiled as Andrea reviewed the NASA requirements for sending any cargo into space. Fortunately for Cassidy, and unfortunately for Caroline, Pecos Bill would not be going into space anytime soon. Although, Miranda mused, that will probably change in future generations.
Caroline finally wound down and grudgingly accepted Bill. After hanging up, Miranda and Andy broke out in peals of laughter.
Andy wiped the tears from her eyes as she snuggled with Miranda. “That went better than expected.”
Miranda hugged her wife and laid her head against Andrea’s. “According to Cassidy, that may be due to the young man she is currently dating.”
Andy nodded and wound her arm around Miranda’s waist. “I’m glad. I hope she’ll be as happy as us.”
Miranda turned and kissed the top of Andrea’s head. “I doubt that anyone could be as happy as we are. However, she may get lucky.”
“Sweet talker.” Andy stood up and held her hand out. “Let’s go upstairs. We can discuss our happiness and being lucky.”
Miranda took Andrea’s hand and led her out of the study. “I have a feeling we will both be getting lucky, but there won’t be a lot of talking involved.”
Andy laughed as she followed her love.