Round 2, Challenge #2: "The Trouble with Humans"
Title: The Trouble with Humans
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1489
Summary: Typhoon thinks humans are stupid. Vick just thinks they need a little help, now and then.
Warnings: None
“I really don’t understand humans.” Typhoon’s disembodied voice came up from behind me. She’d soon settled onto the ground beside me, tail thumping idly behind her. I let out an amused waff of air and nodded slightly. We’d been let off our leashes as soon as we got into the park, though perhaps the leads would have helped us keep track of our humans.
“You’re not alone.” I replied.
We were both looking out before us, where our wayward masters were stumbling around, holding each other up. Their lack of coordination wasn’t such a mystery - we were well aware of the smelly, odd liquid that they drank, and what said liquid did to them. We weren’t, however, sure why exactly they’d want to do such a thing to themselves, especially since more often then not whatever it was that they drank eventually made them sick.
But that was only one of the strange rituals our masters subscribed to. There was the whole thing with the constant application of strange powdery substances to their faces, which made me sneeze if I got too close. There was the odd playing that they did sometimes together, where they moved around a lot but never seemed very happy doing it. There was the fact that they were always followed around by other, big humans in dark clothing - like the ones standing near their car over the other side of the park. They were also very often followed around by a large swarm of females that seemed to make them quite uncomfortable. Sometimes, they even smelled scared.
But the biggest mystery of all was the fact that they didn’t mate.
It was something that baffled all of us, even Shaki, who seemed to know everything, and Mang Doong-I, who thought he knew everything.
All five of our masters were a pack, and behaved accordingly. Mang Doong-I’s master, the Tall One, was the advisor. Shaki’s master, the Squeaky One, was the mediator and amusement maker. The Wet One, Harang’s master, helped with the amusement, and also fostered the emotional bond between them. Then there was the Alpha, the leader of their pack, and of course, my own master - the provider, who looked after the others. He should also have been the Alpha’s mate. But for some reason, the two humans were stuck in a limbo, where they were mates, but not quite. The Alpha and my master continuously acting very strangely… they seemed to be ignoring the most important part of having a mate - the actual mating.
The pair of them were always circling around each other, nudging and touching and showing their obvious care for each other. That, and reeking of desire and lust whenever they so much as looked at each other. But there was never anything more then that. Not even the human habit of trying to eat each others faces to show affection.
“Come on. They’re wandering away from us.” Typhoon suddenly said, drawing me from my contemplation. Indeed, the two humans were weaving their way down one of the paths, getting lost in the shadows. In their current state, they couldn’t be trusted to wander off alone, and both Typhoon and I wanted them where we could keep and eye on them.
Typhoon stood and began trotting after them, and I soon followed, batting at her tail playfully. She mock-growled at me and we began to chase each other, barking and growling as we tried to pin each other down. We went flying down the path and past our masters; tumbling each other before I managed to finally trip her up and push her to the ground.
I lent down, panting happily into her face and gave her nose a lick in my triumph. She curled her lip at me, and I yapped in amusement, letting her go and bounding away to avoid retribution.
To my surprise, I found my master sprawled out in the grass just a little way behind me, speaking in what even I could tell was a nonsensical way. The Alpha was kneeling over him, trying to apparently poke him in the face.
I stopped and wandered back towards them, pawing at Typhoon, who was sulking a little and facing the wrong direction, on the way past to get her to pay attention.
The humans continued to mumble to each other, and my master began to pet the Alpha’s hair, staring up at him intently as the other human seemed to drift closer. Soon, the Alpha was using a hand to prop himself up as he lent over my master.
The smell of their desire was near overwhelming, and I had to again wonder why they persisted in ignoring it.
“Is it because he can’t litter?” Typhoon asked, rather abruptly. I started, looking over at her to find her staring at the pair, head cocked to the side.
I thought about it for a moment. It made some sense… however, something as long-standing as this should at least be satisfied somehow, right? I couldn’t remember a time when it had not been like this between the two of them - ever since I found my master, they had been nearly-mated-but-not-quite. It fluctuated between periods when they were perhaps only friendly, to times when I could not see how they could stop themselves from mating for how much they lusted for each other. Like tonight.
We’d known it would be a bad tonight. They’d spent the day at home (quite a rarity) and the female that smelled like the Tall One had brought Mang Doong-I. The little yapper had immediately taken over the couch and started to try to order us around, but once Shaki had arrived, his (delusions of) power had been undermined. Our masters had played with us, but all five of us could see the Alpha was very pre-occupied with my master.
When the Wet One took my master away for a while, the Alpha got very agitated and nearly squashed Harang by tripped over the edge of the carpet. And when my master came back, the Alpha had been on him like a Blood Hound. Something my master never seemed to mind, and which always caused a flare in his own desire.
And now, after consuming too much smelly liquid, they were playing heavily with each other. Again.
“If he cannot, why doesn’t your master find another mate? Why doesn’t mine? They’ve always been like this.” I told Typhoon, who let out an exasperated waff as she lowered her muzzle to her front paws.
“They’re stupid. That’s what it is.” She said. But then, Typhoon often thinks everyone is at least a little stupid. She calls me stupid. And Harang (even though, very often, he is). And Mang Doong-I (who just yaps even more. Shaki is too old for her to call stupid, but I can see her thinking it sometimes when Shaki acts too much like the Squeeky One.
“They need to… get on with it.” Typhoon continued, eyes narrowing slightly as she stared at them. My master was now playing with the Alpha’s clothing. They weren’t even speaking anymore, just staring at each other, moon faced. Typhoon snorted. “Ridiculous. They will both be sad in the morning.”
Which was true. Always, when these things happened, both would be quiet and sad the day after, as if realising their lost opportunity too late. I hmphed in agreement, and then scratched at the ground, thinking.
My master should not be unhappy. The thought seemed hardwired into my brain. Happy. He should be happy. And the Alpha could make him happy. Did make him happy, but he could make him so much happier, if only they would eat each others’ faces and mate.
A thought struck me, and I stood up. Without a word, I went bounding across the grass towards the broad back of the Alpha. I then launched myself forward, and landed my full weight on my front paws, planting them right between the human’s shoulders.
Predictably, he went toppling forward, landing perfectly on top of my master, who let out a surprised noise and then fell silent.
My grin widened, and I quickly bounded off, wary of the Alpha getting up and yelling at me like when I had landed on the small table at home and it had fallen apart under me.
But it seemed he had no interest in me at all. My tongue lolled out happily as I turned to catch sight of my master and his Alpha eating each others’ faces.
Their desire had spiked, but I also could smell the happiness coming from my master as he wrapped his arms around the other human.
Satisfied with the sight, I trotted back over to where Typhoon was standing, her head low as she stared at the humans.
I grinned at her, and she jumped on my back, paws pummelling my side.
“Maybe you’re not so stupid after all.”
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1489
Summary: Typhoon thinks humans are stupid. Vick just thinks they need a little help, now and then.
Warnings: None
“I really don’t understand humans.” Typhoon’s disembodied voice came up from behind me. She’d soon settled onto the ground beside me, tail thumping idly behind her. I let out an amused waff of air and nodded slightly. We’d been let off our leashes as soon as we got into the park, though perhaps the leads would have helped us keep track of our humans.
“You’re not alone.” I replied.
We were both looking out before us, where our wayward masters were stumbling around, holding each other up. Their lack of coordination wasn’t such a mystery - we were well aware of the smelly, odd liquid that they drank, and what said liquid did to them. We weren’t, however, sure why exactly they’d want to do such a thing to themselves, especially since more often then not whatever it was that they drank eventually made them sick.
But that was only one of the strange rituals our masters subscribed to. There was the whole thing with the constant application of strange powdery substances to their faces, which made me sneeze if I got too close. There was the odd playing that they did sometimes together, where they moved around a lot but never seemed very happy doing it. There was the fact that they were always followed around by other, big humans in dark clothing - like the ones standing near their car over the other side of the park. They were also very often followed around by a large swarm of females that seemed to make them quite uncomfortable. Sometimes, they even smelled scared.
But the biggest mystery of all was the fact that they didn’t mate.
It was something that baffled all of us, even Shaki, who seemed to know everything, and Mang Doong-I, who thought he knew everything.
All five of our masters were a pack, and behaved accordingly. Mang Doong-I’s master, the Tall One, was the advisor. Shaki’s master, the Squeaky One, was the mediator and amusement maker. The Wet One, Harang’s master, helped with the amusement, and also fostered the emotional bond between them. Then there was the Alpha, the leader of their pack, and of course, my own master - the provider, who looked after the others. He should also have been the Alpha’s mate. But for some reason, the two humans were stuck in a limbo, where they were mates, but not quite. The Alpha and my master continuously acting very strangely… they seemed to be ignoring the most important part of having a mate - the actual mating.
The pair of them were always circling around each other, nudging and touching and showing their obvious care for each other. That, and reeking of desire and lust whenever they so much as looked at each other. But there was never anything more then that. Not even the human habit of trying to eat each others faces to show affection.
“Come on. They’re wandering away from us.” Typhoon suddenly said, drawing me from my contemplation. Indeed, the two humans were weaving their way down one of the paths, getting lost in the shadows. In their current state, they couldn’t be trusted to wander off alone, and both Typhoon and I wanted them where we could keep and eye on them.
Typhoon stood and began trotting after them, and I soon followed, batting at her tail playfully. She mock-growled at me and we began to chase each other, barking and growling as we tried to pin each other down. We went flying down the path and past our masters; tumbling each other before I managed to finally trip her up and push her to the ground.
I lent down, panting happily into her face and gave her nose a lick in my triumph. She curled her lip at me, and I yapped in amusement, letting her go and bounding away to avoid retribution.
To my surprise, I found my master sprawled out in the grass just a little way behind me, speaking in what even I could tell was a nonsensical way. The Alpha was kneeling over him, trying to apparently poke him in the face.
I stopped and wandered back towards them, pawing at Typhoon, who was sulking a little and facing the wrong direction, on the way past to get her to pay attention.
The humans continued to mumble to each other, and my master began to pet the Alpha’s hair, staring up at him intently as the other human seemed to drift closer. Soon, the Alpha was using a hand to prop himself up as he lent over my master.
The smell of their desire was near overwhelming, and I had to again wonder why they persisted in ignoring it.
“Is it because he can’t litter?” Typhoon asked, rather abruptly. I started, looking over at her to find her staring at the pair, head cocked to the side.
I thought about it for a moment. It made some sense… however, something as long-standing as this should at least be satisfied somehow, right? I couldn’t remember a time when it had not been like this between the two of them - ever since I found my master, they had been nearly-mated-but-not-quite. It fluctuated between periods when they were perhaps only friendly, to times when I could not see how they could stop themselves from mating for how much they lusted for each other. Like tonight.
We’d known it would be a bad tonight. They’d spent the day at home (quite a rarity) and the female that smelled like the Tall One had brought Mang Doong-I. The little yapper had immediately taken over the couch and started to try to order us around, but once Shaki had arrived, his (delusions of) power had been undermined. Our masters had played with us, but all five of us could see the Alpha was very pre-occupied with my master.
When the Wet One took my master away for a while, the Alpha got very agitated and nearly squashed Harang by tripped over the edge of the carpet. And when my master came back, the Alpha had been on him like a Blood Hound. Something my master never seemed to mind, and which always caused a flare in his own desire.
And now, after consuming too much smelly liquid, they were playing heavily with each other. Again.
“If he cannot, why doesn’t your master find another mate? Why doesn’t mine? They’ve always been like this.” I told Typhoon, who let out an exasperated waff as she lowered her muzzle to her front paws.
“They’re stupid. That’s what it is.” She said. But then, Typhoon often thinks everyone is at least a little stupid. She calls me stupid. And Harang (even though, very often, he is). And Mang Doong-I (who just yaps even more. Shaki is too old for her to call stupid, but I can see her thinking it sometimes when Shaki acts too much like the Squeeky One.
“They need to… get on with it.” Typhoon continued, eyes narrowing slightly as she stared at them. My master was now playing with the Alpha’s clothing. They weren’t even speaking anymore, just staring at each other, moon faced. Typhoon snorted. “Ridiculous. They will both be sad in the morning.”
Which was true. Always, when these things happened, both would be quiet and sad the day after, as if realising their lost opportunity too late. I hmphed in agreement, and then scratched at the ground, thinking.
My master should not be unhappy. The thought seemed hardwired into my brain. Happy. He should be happy. And the Alpha could make him happy. Did make him happy, but he could make him so much happier, if only they would eat each others’ faces and mate.
A thought struck me, and I stood up. Without a word, I went bounding across the grass towards the broad back of the Alpha. I then launched myself forward, and landed my full weight on my front paws, planting them right between the human’s shoulders.
Predictably, he went toppling forward, landing perfectly on top of my master, who let out a surprised noise and then fell silent.
My grin widened, and I quickly bounded off, wary of the Alpha getting up and yelling at me like when I had landed on the small table at home and it had fallen apart under me.
But it seemed he had no interest in me at all. My tongue lolled out happily as I turned to catch sight of my master and his Alpha eating each others’ faces.
Their desire had spiked, but I also could smell the happiness coming from my master as he wrapped his arms around the other human.
Satisfied with the sight, I trotted back over to where Typhoon was standing, her head low as she stared at the humans.
I grinned at her, and she jumped on my back, paws pummelling my side.
“Maybe you’re not so stupid after all.”