Learning Through Tears (2/5)
Title: Learning Through Tears (2/5)
Genre: Romance/Angst/Humor
Pairings: mainly Jaeho
Rating: PG-13 so far...? (for some language and imaginations)
Summary: The way I cared for YunHo was different, something I couldn't describe fully. At the time it was an ache in my chest. However, every time I touched him, or talked to him, or made him smile, the ache turned into an all consuming happiness. It felt like I was going crazy.
Previous Parts:
Part One
YooChun left the kitchen and I continued my job of watering the plants around the apartment. Chores tend to take my mind off things, so needless to say the place had been spotless for a while.
The rest of the day was normal. Well as normal as a pop star’s day can be. I worked out for a few hours, practiced our new routine, went for a clothes fitting for an upcoming shoot, then came home and started on dinner. During the day I tried to not stare at YunHo whenever I got the chance. If you’ve ever seen him dance you know that’s difficult. It was even more difficult to hide my reaction when, during practice, he grabbed my hips and pressed into my back to show me a new move. Let’s just say, thank God I was wearing baggy sweat pants.
Dinner was done and the boys had all complimented me on my cooking, ChangMin cleaned the table and JunSu did the dishes. Sure we could get a maid; we could afford to have more than one. We’d rather it stay like this though, it makes it feel more like home.
When the rest of the group was in the living room watching a movie before bed, I decided to hide away in my work room. I knew if I watched the movie with the rest of them YunHo would end up cuddling with me on the couch. It may be like heaven while things like that happen, but I knew I would end up sobbing for an hour afterwards. My eyes were getting tired of crying.
I sat in front of my computer as music played softly through the speakers and clicked through random websites. Here and there I would stop to play a boring internet game or look something up.
Then, unfortunately, curiosity got the better of me. I opened a search engine and typed in ‘JaeJoong fanfiction’. I waited for the page to load as I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor. The first thing to come up was the heading picture, one of me from an old photo shoot. Then the rest of the page loaded and I quickly noticed that there were more than a few pictures of YunHo and me during seemingly intimate moments. I didn’t want to linger on pictures of the past because I knew it would just upset me. So instead I clicked on the first fanfiction entry I spotted.
In my ignorance I didn’t bother to check the rating, and after only a few moments of reading my mouth was covered by my left hand as my eyes stared widely at the screen in front of me. My free hand scrolled down as I read the story.
So far it had depicted YunHo and me passionately making out on the couch. I was beneath him, and he had my wrists pinned down on either side of me. He did a few things with his tongue that made me moan. Well, at least the ‘fanfiction me’ moaned, the real me was saying, “Oh my… God…” as I continued reading the rather interesting writing. YunHo trailed his kisses down my torso and let go of my wrists as he played here and there, licking and nibbling at the skin. He continued downward until he hooked his fingers around the waistband of my boxers. YunHo was now nipping at my hipbones, a particularly sensitive part of me, and I thought maybe the writer should have written me enjoying it more. At least that was what I was thinking before YunHo pulled down my boxers and dipped his head down to… “Oh my God!”
“What are you doing in here?” A voice said from the doorway.
“Nothing.” I said as I quickly minimized the window.
“Are you looking at porn?” ChangMin said excitedly and came in to stand next to me. “Because if you are. I want to see. I’ve never seen, and I want to. Hey do you want to search for some?” he said with a grin.
“No ChangMin I do not want to search for porn with you. That’s kind of… weird.” I started up a game of unfocused solitaire, hoping it would bore him into leaving me to my story.
“Come on!” He said nudging my arm with his elbow.
“No.”
“Please!”
“ChangMin!”
“Fine…” he said in a defeated tone. “Red jack on black queen.” he added, and left.
I waited for the sound of his footsteps to leave down the hallway before I continued reading, my game of solitaire forgotten completely. The rest of the story went on from there, becoming more and more intense. When it had ended I had thought it was much too short, and it took me all of five seconds to go back and find another one to read.
“You are looking at porn! I knew it!” ChangMin said as he walked back in.
“No! I was reading…” I squeaked out. This time exiting the window completely and opening back up my unfinished game of solitaire.
He walked up beside me. “You’re a bad liar.” ChangMin said as his eyes glanced at my lap with a grin.
“Oh dear.”
“Reading huh? Whatever it was must have been pretty good.” His grin stayed in place as his arms folded against his chest. “So you wanna look up som-“
“NO!” I pressed on the power button of the computer until the monitor screen went black.
“Fine. Fine. Forget I asked.” He said before turning to leave. Before he walked through the door he turned one last time, “By the way. You should be careful of the moans and ‘Oh my God’s’ while you read. I could hear it from the living room.” He added with a wicked grin spread across his face.
My mouth hung open as he left, and I felt more than a little embarrassed. At least they didn’t know what I was reading. If they did I don’t think I would have been able to sleep through the night.
The next day I went for my morning shower after quickly setting my bed. I was usually the first one up among the group and I didn’t expect to hear a knock at the bathroom door at this hour. “I’m taking a shower.” I said and pulled my shirt off. “Do you need to go?” I asked.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” YunHo’s voice said through the door.
My breath caught in my chest for a moment as I stood and stared at the door separating us. “Um… yeah come in.”
YunHo opened the door and stepped in, still wearing only his pajama pants. He scratched at the back of his head and I marveled at how adorable yet amazingly sexy he was in the morning.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he ended up asking after a moment.
“You already asked me that.” I said and looked away from him because I was staring again, this time at his chest.
“Oh sorry…” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Are you angry at me or something?”
“What? No! Of course not.” I said quickly and turned back to face him.
“Oh. I thought maybe… because you’ve been avoiding me.” He said and I nervously gripped at the hand towel that lay on the counter.
“No I just... I’ve been stressed with the new routine. I’m not very good at it.” I said and tried my best to smile.
“Well that’s true.” YunHo said and laughed. “Sorry it is. But… you’re voice is amazing. So you’ve got me beat there.” He said with a small smile.
I returned his smile with one of my own and looked back at him. “Thank you.” My eyes stayed on his for a moment before they drifted down to his chest again.
“Well, I’m glad things are okay. I’ll help you with your moves during practice.”
“Yeah.” I responded. Then he left.
I took my shower and got dressed and ready before eating a quick bowl of cereal and leaving the apartment. I sat in one of our hired vans with JunSu and ChangMin as the vehicle made its way to the dance studio where we practiced. We arrived and prepared to start, YunHo was the first to do his part of the routine as usual. He broke into a sophisticated set of moves that made his body bend and arrange in the most seductive positions. I gulped as I leaned against the far wall and watched him with the rest of the group. Then it was ChangMin and YooChun’s turn to jump into the routine. A few moments later JunSu and I followed and we all danced in unison. That was until I missed a step and the beautiful synchronization was destroyed.
“Sorry… sorry…” I said and sighed.
YunHo shook his head and came up behind me. “It’s the thing with the hips.” He said and grabbed onto me and pulled me so that we were pressed together. It took everything I had not to moan at the sudden closeness. He turned us so that our hips swayed together to the side then back again. “You see? It’s not hard. You just have to relax.” He said into my ear and repeated the move a few times.
“Y-yeah…” I muttered.
He smiled then returned to his place at the front of the group to continue the routine. And this time I had the hip move down. Except I couldn’t stop imagining my hips pressed against his. My chest pressed against his. My lips… “God...” I said and I realized I missed yet another move.
ChangMin looked at me worried, “You okay JaeJoong? You look a little…”
“Distracted.” YooChun said and then looked at YunHo before returning his eyes to look at me.
“Yeah. Sorry. I need a break. You guys keep going.” I said and started walking away.
I walked into the bathroom down the hall and splashed some cold water on my face. I stared into the mirror at my reflection and cursed my imagination for the thousandth time.
I sighed and waited a few more moments before patting my face dry with a paper towel and venturing out of the bathroom. Only to find YunHo standing in the hallway waiting.
“You okay?” He said simply with a worried expression.
“Yeah. Just the damn dance.” I said and smiled shyly.
“You just gotta relax. You think too much.” He said comfortingly.
That’s for damn sure, I thought as I gave a nod. “Yeah I guess.”
“Hey… why don’t we go grab some lunch? We haven’t done that for a while.” YunHo said and smiled.
I laughed a little, “It’s not even twelve yet.”
“Time is an illusion. Lunch time doubly so.” YunHo said with a smirk.
“Well that’s deep of you.” I said with another laugh.
“I like to think so yes. Now, let’s go because I’m hungry.”
I followed him down the hallway and smiled to myself. I walked beside him and listened to him talk and joke as we made our way to the studio’s cafeteria a few floors down.
A/N:
Sorry these chapters are so short, especially this one. Thank you for all of the wonderful comments on the first chapter! ^^
Also can someone tell me how to link directly to my journal instead of using cuts? I'm still a newbie at lj. In a big way.
Go to Part Three
Genre: Romance/Angst/Humor
Pairings: mainly Jaeho
Rating: PG-13 so far...? (for some language and imaginations)
Summary: The way I cared for YunHo was different, something I couldn't describe fully. At the time it was an ache in my chest. However, every time I touched him, or talked to him, or made him smile, the ache turned into an all consuming happiness. It felt like I was going crazy.
Previous Parts:
Part One
YooChun left the kitchen and I continued my job of watering the plants around the apartment. Chores tend to take my mind off things, so needless to say the place had been spotless for a while.
The rest of the day was normal. Well as normal as a pop star’s day can be. I worked out for a few hours, practiced our new routine, went for a clothes fitting for an upcoming shoot, then came home and started on dinner. During the day I tried to not stare at YunHo whenever I got the chance. If you’ve ever seen him dance you know that’s difficult. It was even more difficult to hide my reaction when, during practice, he grabbed my hips and pressed into my back to show me a new move. Let’s just say, thank God I was wearing baggy sweat pants.
Dinner was done and the boys had all complimented me on my cooking, ChangMin cleaned the table and JunSu did the dishes. Sure we could get a maid; we could afford to have more than one. We’d rather it stay like this though, it makes it feel more like home.
When the rest of the group was in the living room watching a movie before bed, I decided to hide away in my work room. I knew if I watched the movie with the rest of them YunHo would end up cuddling with me on the couch. It may be like heaven while things like that happen, but I knew I would end up sobbing for an hour afterwards. My eyes were getting tired of crying.
I sat in front of my computer as music played softly through the speakers and clicked through random websites. Here and there I would stop to play a boring internet game or look something up.
Then, unfortunately, curiosity got the better of me. I opened a search engine and typed in ‘JaeJoong fanfiction’. I waited for the page to load as I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor. The first thing to come up was the heading picture, one of me from an old photo shoot. Then the rest of the page loaded and I quickly noticed that there were more than a few pictures of YunHo and me during seemingly intimate moments. I didn’t want to linger on pictures of the past because I knew it would just upset me. So instead I clicked on the first fanfiction entry I spotted.
In my ignorance I didn’t bother to check the rating, and after only a few moments of reading my mouth was covered by my left hand as my eyes stared widely at the screen in front of me. My free hand scrolled down as I read the story.
So far it had depicted YunHo and me passionately making out on the couch. I was beneath him, and he had my wrists pinned down on either side of me. He did a few things with his tongue that made me moan. Well, at least the ‘fanfiction me’ moaned, the real me was saying, “Oh my… God…” as I continued reading the rather interesting writing. YunHo trailed his kisses down my torso and let go of my wrists as he played here and there, licking and nibbling at the skin. He continued downward until he hooked his fingers around the waistband of my boxers. YunHo was now nipping at my hipbones, a particularly sensitive part of me, and I thought maybe the writer should have written me enjoying it more. At least that was what I was thinking before YunHo pulled down my boxers and dipped his head down to… “Oh my God!”
“What are you doing in here?” A voice said from the doorway.
“Nothing.” I said as I quickly minimized the window.
“Are you looking at porn?” ChangMin said excitedly and came in to stand next to me. “Because if you are. I want to see. I’ve never seen, and I want to. Hey do you want to search for some?” he said with a grin.
“No ChangMin I do not want to search for porn with you. That’s kind of… weird.” I started up a game of unfocused solitaire, hoping it would bore him into leaving me to my story.
“Come on!” He said nudging my arm with his elbow.
“No.”
“Please!”
“ChangMin!”
“Fine…” he said in a defeated tone. “Red jack on black queen.” he added, and left.
I waited for the sound of his footsteps to leave down the hallway before I continued reading, my game of solitaire forgotten completely. The rest of the story went on from there, becoming more and more intense. When it had ended I had thought it was much too short, and it took me all of five seconds to go back and find another one to read.
“You are looking at porn! I knew it!” ChangMin said as he walked back in.
“No! I was reading…” I squeaked out. This time exiting the window completely and opening back up my unfinished game of solitaire.
He walked up beside me. “You’re a bad liar.” ChangMin said as his eyes glanced at my lap with a grin.
“Oh dear.”
“Reading huh? Whatever it was must have been pretty good.” His grin stayed in place as his arms folded against his chest. “So you wanna look up som-“
“NO!” I pressed on the power button of the computer until the monitor screen went black.
“Fine. Fine. Forget I asked.” He said before turning to leave. Before he walked through the door he turned one last time, “By the way. You should be careful of the moans and ‘Oh my God’s’ while you read. I could hear it from the living room.” He added with a wicked grin spread across his face.
My mouth hung open as he left, and I felt more than a little embarrassed. At least they didn’t know what I was reading. If they did I don’t think I would have been able to sleep through the night.
The next day I went for my morning shower after quickly setting my bed. I was usually the first one up among the group and I didn’t expect to hear a knock at the bathroom door at this hour. “I’m taking a shower.” I said and pulled my shirt off. “Do you need to go?” I asked.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” YunHo’s voice said through the door.
My breath caught in my chest for a moment as I stood and stared at the door separating us. “Um… yeah come in.”
YunHo opened the door and stepped in, still wearing only his pajama pants. He scratched at the back of his head and I marveled at how adorable yet amazingly sexy he was in the morning.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he ended up asking after a moment.
“You already asked me that.” I said and looked away from him because I was staring again, this time at his chest.
“Oh sorry…” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Are you angry at me or something?”
“What? No! Of course not.” I said quickly and turned back to face him.
“Oh. I thought maybe… because you’ve been avoiding me.” He said and I nervously gripped at the hand towel that lay on the counter.
“No I just... I’ve been stressed with the new routine. I’m not very good at it.” I said and tried my best to smile.
“Well that’s true.” YunHo said and laughed. “Sorry it is. But… you’re voice is amazing. So you’ve got me beat there.” He said with a small smile.
I returned his smile with one of my own and looked back at him. “Thank you.” My eyes stayed on his for a moment before they drifted down to his chest again.
“Well, I’m glad things are okay. I’ll help you with your moves during practice.”
“Yeah.” I responded. Then he left.
I took my shower and got dressed and ready before eating a quick bowl of cereal and leaving the apartment. I sat in one of our hired vans with JunSu and ChangMin as the vehicle made its way to the dance studio where we practiced. We arrived and prepared to start, YunHo was the first to do his part of the routine as usual. He broke into a sophisticated set of moves that made his body bend and arrange in the most seductive positions. I gulped as I leaned against the far wall and watched him with the rest of the group. Then it was ChangMin and YooChun’s turn to jump into the routine. A few moments later JunSu and I followed and we all danced in unison. That was until I missed a step and the beautiful synchronization was destroyed.
“Sorry… sorry…” I said and sighed.
YunHo shook his head and came up behind me. “It’s the thing with the hips.” He said and grabbed onto me and pulled me so that we were pressed together. It took everything I had not to moan at the sudden closeness. He turned us so that our hips swayed together to the side then back again. “You see? It’s not hard. You just have to relax.” He said into my ear and repeated the move a few times.
“Y-yeah…” I muttered.
He smiled then returned to his place at the front of the group to continue the routine. And this time I had the hip move down. Except I couldn’t stop imagining my hips pressed against his. My chest pressed against his. My lips… “God...” I said and I realized I missed yet another move.
ChangMin looked at me worried, “You okay JaeJoong? You look a little…”
“Distracted.” YooChun said and then looked at YunHo before returning his eyes to look at me.
“Yeah. Sorry. I need a break. You guys keep going.” I said and started walking away.
I walked into the bathroom down the hall and splashed some cold water on my face. I stared into the mirror at my reflection and cursed my imagination for the thousandth time.
I sighed and waited a few more moments before patting my face dry with a paper towel and venturing out of the bathroom. Only to find YunHo standing in the hallway waiting.
“You okay?” He said simply with a worried expression.
“Yeah. Just the damn dance.” I said and smiled shyly.
“You just gotta relax. You think too much.” He said comfortingly.
That’s for damn sure, I thought as I gave a nod. “Yeah I guess.”
“Hey… why don’t we go grab some lunch? We haven’t done that for a while.” YunHo said and smiled.
I laughed a little, “It’s not even twelve yet.”
“Time is an illusion. Lunch time doubly so.” YunHo said with a smirk.
“Well that’s deep of you.” I said with another laugh.
“I like to think so yes. Now, let’s go because I’m hungry.”
I followed him down the hallway and smiled to myself. I walked beside him and listened to him talk and joke as we made our way to the studio’s cafeteria a few floors down.
A/N:
Sorry these chapters are so short, especially this one. Thank you for all of the wonderful comments on the first chapter! ^^
Also can someone tell me how to link directly to my journal instead of using cuts? I'm still a newbie at lj. In a big way.
Go to Part Three