Happy Holidays haru_ran! Exchange fic: "The Longest Night" (Part 3)
Jaejoong dropped the scroll in disgust. His head followed it quickly to thunk against the reading table he’d claimed as his own spot in the library. Yunho chuckled from where he’d settled in next to the fireplace and put his own book down more sedately. “What is it now?”
He groaned. “It’s just so much. How do you keep all these rules separate?”
Yunho’s hands were comforting on his shoulders. He’d never even heard him move. “It’s hard at first, but given time, you’ll do better. It’s only been a month.”
A month. Jaejoong sat up enough to look over his shoulder at Yunho. “It has?”
It was hard, sometimes, for Jaejoong to tell how much time had passed in the castle. The days and nights blurred without the dependence on the sun rising and setting. In that way, life felt more carefree here, with the human inhabitants sleeping when they were tired and eating when they were hungry. It meant someone was always up and working at any given time of day, and the vampires, at least the ones Jaejoong had the most contact with, seemed to work around the varied schedules with ease, leaving Jaejoong feeling even more the odd man out.
“It has.” Yunho’s fingers brushed the back of Jaejoong’s neck as he took his hands from Jaejoong’s shoulders, instead moving to perch on the edge of the table next to Jaejoong’s discarded scroll. “Minus a few days, at least.”
He shivered but refused to let himself get completely side-tracked. “Then my trial month is almost over.”
Yunho nodded without saying anything, only crossing his arms as he apparently waited for Jaejoong to come to some decision or another on his own. If only Jaejoong could understand what that decision was supposed to be. “When do I get to go home?”
Obviously, that was not the correct decision. Yunho frowned heavily, stance going more rigid, less comfortable in Jaejoong’s presence. “Why do you ask that?”
Jaejoong’s turn to frown, even as he slid his chair back enough to face Yunho fully. “Everyone goes home at the end of their trial month. That’s why it’s called the trial month.”
“You aren’t everyone.”
“That’s not...” He trailed off as it sunk in. “I don’t get to go home? At all?”
“No.” Yunho gave in enough to lay a comforting hand on Jaejoong’s arm. “No one ever said you’d be able to. The things you’ve learned,” he gestured to the scroll still on the table, “what you’ve read, these aren’t things we can risk letting ordinary humans know. Especially not now.”
“With the threat of unrest among the protected villages.” He knew that. He did. Even if he felt a bit like a disillusioned parrot when he was forced to recite such things on command. But knowing something intellectually and having it confirmed to his face were two very separate things. “But, Yunho, I don’t want to go home to hold a lecture on vampires. I want to see my family.”
His heart thumped painfully in his chest when Yunho only squeezed his arm gently and turned away, going back to his chair and his book. Jaejoong stood to follow him. “This conversation isn’t finished.”
Yunho barely even bothered to glance up. “It is. There wasn’t anything to discuss in the first place.”
He gritted his teeth at the obvious dismissal. Whatever he’d thought he and Yunho had, maybe he was wrong. Maybe Yunho was just as terrible as the legends said all vampires could be. “Are you really this heartless?”
He stumbled back when Yunho stood suddenly, eyes hard. He’d never been afraid of Yunho before, but he wondered if perhaps he should be. “Fine. We’ll play this game your way. Come on.”
Before he could react, Yunho had wrenched the door open and left him behind.
~
Yunho led him deep into the castle, farther down than Jaejoong had ever been, even in his solo explorations. The air down here felt close and damp, like what he’d always imagined the dungeons in the storybooks must be like, ready to trap the hero and imprison him forever.
By the time they reached the bottom of the last staircase, barely wide enough for the two of them to walk abreast, he was sure dungeon couldn’t be that far off. None of the beauty of the rest of the castle was reflected down here. The walls were the original stone, and while everything was just as clean as the higher floors, not much else could be said. This was what he’d been warned away from when he was exploring the castle, and just looking at it, he could begin to guess why.
His feet slowed without his directing them to. This was not a place he wanted to be, and every instinct he possessed was telling him to turn around and leave even more quickly than they’d come.
The hallway at the bottom of the staircase ended in a single, large wooden door. Even looking at it, Jaejoong knew it would be heavy enough to stop even the most determined person. Whether it would stop a vampire or not, Jaejoong wasn’t sure, but he doubted it would ever need to.
Yunho hadn’t said a word since they’d left the library, not even in response to Jaejoong’s eventual apology, certainly not to answer any of Jaejoong’s questions. He’d given up and followed in silence after the first five minutes. Now, Yunho stopped and finally faced Jaejoong as they reached the door. The anger and annoyance that had been in his expression in the library were gone, replaced by a tired sort of disappointment. Jaejoong’s throat closed at the knowledge that it was directed firmly at him. “Yunho-”
He shut his mouth quickly enough to bite his tongue when Yunho raised a hand to quiet him. “No. You’ve had your turn to talk. This is mine.”
The rebuke burned, but he managed to only nod to show he’d understood, however much he’d rather have argued. He’d rather argue about anything than see whatever Yunho so obviously did not want to show him behind this door.
After a moment, Yunho looked away. “Vampires survive on human blood. It’s the only way we can survive. You know that already.” He glanced up, and again Jaejoong found himself nodding. “Usually, you wouldn’t find out how we get that blood until after you’ve been changed, but...” Yunho fell silent for a long while, although Jaejoong didn’t dare to prod him into speaking. Eventually, he sighed and turned, pulling a key ring from a hook on the wall to open the door. He neither invited Jaejoong to follow him nor told him to stay behind, so he followed and immediately wished he hadn’t.
The room was as dimly lit as this entire level, meaning it was probably only rarely visited by the humans of the castle, if at all. Unfortunately, there was still more than enough light to see the beds and couches lined up along each wall. More doors opened off of the first room, and Jaejoong didn’t have to see what was in them to guess that they held more of the same. What made him press a hand to his mouth in horror was what, or rather who, occupied the beds.
Humans, he could only assume they were human, lay sleeping or staring at nothing as if they were living dolls, still warm and breathing, but there the resemblance to a real person ended. Not one of them made the slightest movement to show they’d noticed Jaejoong and Yunho enter. He took a step toward the closest one before he could stop himself. “What is this?”
“A food cellar. More or less.” He looked up sharply at the jaded amusement in Yunho’s voice. Yunho wasn’t looking at him, though. “This is what happens to those we deem too dangerous or too untrustworthy to be allowed the freedom of the castle.”
Was that intended to be a threat? Become one of them or become... this? “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.” He studied the forms spread out around them as if evaluating them, looking for defects or imperfections. “I told you upstairs that there are secrets we cannot risk letting the world know. The criminals you send to us, or those who cannot handle the idea of a transformation into a creature out of a myth...” He turned, studying Jaejoong much the way he had the others. “There’s no option to go home, Jaejoong. Not since you climbed into that carriage.”
He swallowed hard, feeling a bit like his life was a hallway, and a door he hadn’t even known existed had just slammed shut behind him. “What happened to them?”
It seemed to be the right answer to a question he didn’t know had been asked because Yunho’s shoulders relaxed, just slightly, as he sat on the edge of one of the beds. “They dream.” He reached for the body he’d sat next to, placing a hand at its neck to check for a pulse. “We can’t trust them, but we aren’t heartless.” The word bit at Jaejoong just as he knew it was intended to. “Magic can strip their minds of the ability to awaken. Some of the more trustworthy servants care for them, as long as they may live.”
“So Junsu-”
“No.” The word was hard and final. “Junsu will never learn this magic. It’s not in him. But we weren’t talking about him.”
No, they hadn’t been, had they? “Why did you bring me here now? Why show me at all?”
“You’d have learned eventually. You’ll need to feed as soon as your change is complete.” He said it so matter-of-fact, as if there was no question Jaejoong would go through with it, even now. “I would have told you sooner, just like I would have told you about Changmin’s magic, but it never seemed right.”
He stood carefully, gesturing for Jaejoong to precede him out the door, shutting and locking it behind them. He led the way, then, stopping only when they were back on the main floor of the castle. “We let you learn as much as you can before your change, so that you can make a choice based on facts instead of superstition. If I’m honest, I know what choice I want you to make, but it’s not up to me. If you choose to live as a servant here instead of becoming one of us, that’s your choice, and you’re free to make it.” He held up a hand before Jaejoong could comment. “But if you try to leave the castle grounds, for any reason, the only choice you’re making is to end up down there. That’s why I showed it to you.”
Jaejoong had no answer to that. How could he? The walk back to his room was silent as they both had more things to think about than they likely wanted. As he let himself into his room, Yunho paused behind him in the doorway, expression unreadable as he watched Jaejoong. Still, Jaejoong found himself unable to be the first to speak. Eventually, Yunho did come farther into the room, enough to brush Jaejoong’s cheek with the backs of his fingers and then, as if remembering himself, rest that hand on Jaejoong’s shoulder instead. “You don’t need to make your choice tonight. Just think about what I showed you. Think about what you’ve learned since you’ve been here. All right?”
When his voice again refused to cooperate, he only nodded. Yunho frowned as if hurt by the lack of response but didn’t say anything else, only closing the door behind himself with a quiet goodnight.
Left alone, Jaejoong paced the length of his room for what felt like hours but was likely only minutes. He couldn’t get the image of the people in the cellar out of his mind, but at the same time, he thought of his family, never knowing what became of him, never knowing if he was dead or alive, if he was happy or not. They’d be expecting him home any day now.
And Changmin. Could Jaejoong let him be caught as unaware as he had been?
He pulled the dark, light-blocking cloak from his wardrobe, crushing the voice of better judgment in his mind telling him this was a horrible idea even as he put it on. He’d never have another chance, certainly not once he’d been changed. He’d just need to be quick enough that no one noticed. If that was his ‘choice,’ then so be it.
~
Jaejoong stumbled through the outskirts of town, his cloak pulled tightly around himself, hands and feet frozen but lungs on fire. The trip down the mountain in the dark had taken more time than he’d thought, even by horseback. He’d left the horse at the edge of the woods, knowing it would draw too much attention in the open. His plan to be back in his room in the castle before anyone noticed he was gone had fallen by the wayside when he realized just how impractical it was, especially when he couldn’t see in the dark like they could. Now he could only hope to minimize the damage. He wouldn’t have much time before someone realized he’d left and tracked him down, so he needed to make the most of what he did have.
A flash of guilt stabbed into him, making him pause mid-step for a heartbeat and then two. Yunho’s reasons had been perfectly logical, of course, but he should have known that Jaejoong couldn’t follow his command, not even knowing what the alternative could be. He shook his head, forcing himself to continue on. It would be stupid to stop and turn back now. He’d have broken Yunho’s trust for nothing.
The late hour ensured that the familiar streets of his neighborhood were nearly empty, only the street lamps casting strange and shifting shadows against the drifting snow. The air might have felt warmer than it had a month ago except for the wind. Every gust felt as if it were burrowing under his cloak and straight through his skin. He kept his head down, trudging steadily through the cold, avoiding the largest piles of snow as best he could.
Finally, the sight of his house around the last corner had him breaking into an exhausted trot. Surely, someone would have noticed he was gone by now, the horse was certainly a good clue, and he knew they could move much faster through the dark and the cold than he could. It would all be worth it, though, no matter what came after. He just had to believe that.
The curtains were drawn over the window into the main room, although he could see shadows moving across them as he paused, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. It wouldn’t do to appear out of breath like he’d run away, no matter that he had.
He wondered who might still be up at this hour. His father usually went to bed early in order to get up for his work, but his mother often stayed up late doing her work or talking with whichever of her daughters had come to visit that day. Would she wake his father when he appeared at the door? How would he tell her he couldn’t stay? That he would never be able to come back again?
With second thoughts gnawing at him, he realized too late that the shadows had been moving toward the door. He jerked at the sound of voices as the door opened mere feet from him, torn between running to them and running away. He was off guard, not ready yet, he hadn’t decided what he would tell them, or who he would tell. Finally, as a figure stepped out of the doorway, his feet made his decision for him, leading him to hurry back around the side of the house.
Unfortunately, his indecision cost him. He heard the door close, but then the footsteps came closer to his hiding spot instead of going the other way into town. A person turned the corner, silhouetted against the glow from a street lamp. “I know I saw someone. Come out before-”
Jaejoong lunged up from where he’d been crouched in a shadow, a hand covering the man’s mouth to stop him from attracting too much attention. Only then did the voice and the figure in front of him really register. “Yoochun?!”
Under his hands, his friend froze, a look of confusion replacing what had been becoming fear and anger. The cloak. Of course. The cloak was more than large enough to hide his shape, and the clothes under it were ones he’d gotten at the castle. He backed away quickly, reaching up to shove his hood back. “What are you doing here?” He barely managed to keep his voice to a dull whisper, praying Yoochun would do the same.
He wasn’t met with quite the response he would have expected as Yoochun’s confusion turned to shock. “Me?” At least his voice was softer than it could have been. “I’m not the one lurking in an alleyway outside my own home.”
Except it wasn’t his home anymore. In a moment of painful realization, Jaejoong knew this had been the wrong idea. All he’d done was put his family and friends in danger. His heart sank. “Just answer the question.”
Yoochun stared at him incredulously, instead, wrapping his arms around himself as he obviously hadn’t come outside prepared for a conversation out in the cold. “The Master Herald released me from my month tonight, so I came to see if you’d gotten back yet. Your mother had to feed me, you know how she is, so I’m just now... Why are we talking out here?”
“Because.” His hands clenched into fists with the effort to keep himself from blurting anything out. “I’m not back. Really.” He kicked snow at Yoochun’s leg. “I didn’t expect you to be stupid and go looking for trouble.”
“You’re making even less sense than usual. Do you realize that?”
He huffed, giving in to the urge to punch Yoochun’s shoulder, if only for a brief moment of normalcy. “Listen to me! I’m not coming back. Do you understand?”
He obviously did. Jaejoong could see in his face the second it clicked. “What?”
Finally, he was paying attention. “I’m not coming back. Not ever. I can’t. Even coming to try to say goodbye was dangerous, so you’re it.”
But Yoochun was already shaking his head. “Your family is right here. Just-”
“I can’t!” His voice broke as he was forced to admit just how far from all of them he was going to be. “I mean it. If anyone finds out you talked to me...” He thought of Yoochun or any of his family down there on those beds and his throat closed up until he dragged Yoochun into a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you, Chunnie.”
“Jaejoong, no.” Yoochun’s voice sounded thick, now, and he knew if he looked, there would be tears threatening at the corners of Yoochun’s eyes. “This isn’t how it was supposed to be. The three of us are inseparable. Right?”
Oh, Changmin. Jaejoong bit his lip hard enough for it to sting as he held Yoochun tighter. None of this was at all fair, but it was too late to turn back on the path now. Like Yunho had said, his decision had been made for him when he stepped into the carriage. Knowing that he’d need to be there for Changmin only made him ten times as sure that he needed to go. “Right. Just... take care of my family, okay? Tell them I’m okay, and that I miss them, but nothing else. Tell them I’m busy doing important things.” That was close enough and not a lie, if not anything of the truth, either.
He wasn’t sure how much longer they stood there, as he memorized everything he could about the way he and Yoochun felt together. When he knew he couldn’t stand to waste any more time, he untangled himself from Yoochun as carefully as he could, taking a step back to make sure they stayed separated. A lifelong friendship stood at the edge of being broken, and he wasn’t sure he knew what to do next.
So Yoochun did it for him. Yoochun, who always knew exactly what a person needed to hear, no matter what they wanted. He curled his arms around himself again, as if to replace Jaejoong’s presence. “Go on. We’ll be fine.”
Jaejoong nodded, but it was another long minute of silence before he pulled his cloak’s hood back up and slipped around Yoochun back to the street. A last glance behind showed Yoochun standing in the place he’d left him, unmoving as a statue until Jaejoong lost sight of him.
Heart aching, he hurried back along the thankfully still empty streets to where he’d left his horse only to find it missing. He didn’t have more than a moment to glance around in a panic before he was grabbed from behind, a hand roughly clamped over his mouth jerking his head back. He closed his eyes, recognizing the sort of strength that no human could emulate and knowing he’d lost.
Warm breath hit his ear as the one holding him panted softly and then growled. “Quiet.” The hands shook him, hard, just once to prove a point and then let him go with a shove when he didn’t struggle. He turned as he stumbled, catching sight of golden eyes in the darkness. Junsu, then. Possibly the very last person he wished to be trapped with in the dark.
Junsu disappeared into the forest, returning a minute later with two horses. The one Jaejoong had borrowed had its reins tied to the other’s saddle. It was rather obvious that Jaejoong was not going to be trusted to see himself back to the castle. When Junsu reached for him, his nerves broke and he foolishly tried to scramble away, realizing the stupidity of the action only too late. Junsu darted after him, fingers become claws reaching for his cloak and catching the back of his neck, instead. He yelped as he felt them break the skin, one of them snagging against the necklace on its way. The thick braided twine held for a second, perhaps two, before it snapped, disappearing into the snow.
He jerked away from Junsu again, searching frantically. Only Junsu freezing guiltily as the smell of blood hit him gave him enough time for his fingers to close around one end of the necklace before Junsu was dragging him upright again.
Junsu’s movements were twitchy and hesitant now, as if he thought Jaejoong might have turned to glass when he wasn’t looking. His eyes had faded to brown, and Jaejoong found himself relieved to be dealing with this Junsu for now instead of the other one. Even if this one was still growling under his breath as he pressed Jaejoong to mount his horse, as he mounted his own and started them both up the path to the castle.
With no reins, Jaejoong clutched the saddle with one hand, holding the other with the necklace close to him under his cloak. The journey up the mountain seemed to take ten times as long without Yunho’s company, giving him far too much time to think and leaving him shivering and acutely aware of the burning across the back of his neck.
The sun was near to rising by the time they reached the castle yard, and Junsu had huddled as much of himself as he could under his own cloak. The sunlight may not actually kill them, but everything Jaejoong had read on the subject had said it was far from a pleasant experience nonetheless. Before he could consider doing anything, though, Junsu was reining in his horse and fixing Jaejoong with a lethal glare before sliding to the ground and tossing Jaejoong his horse’s reins. There wasn’t even an option not to follow.
In the stable, Junsu muttered to himself as he took care of his horse after gesturing for Jaejoong to do the same. Every now and then, Jaejoong would catch a phrase or two, most of them disjointed but clear enough to be worrisome. Yunho had obviously sent Junsu down the mountain after him, and neither of them were happy about his disappearance.
With the horses put away, Junsu hurried him through the dawn-lightened courtyard, grumbling unhappily the entire way. Inside, Junsu dragged him through the castle, snarling at anyone they passed. Apparently this wasn’t entirely unusual behavior for him, because no one did more than cast a sympathetic frown at Jaejoong as they stood aside. When they reached his room, Junsu flung open the door and flung Jaejoong in past it.
The door slammed shut before Jaejoong could regain his balance. The sound of a lock sliding home had never seemed so final.
~
Jaejoong barely had time to register that the door had opened before Yunho had crowded him back against a wall, eyes flashing, more threatening than Jaejoong had ever seen him. He squeezed his own eyes shut, turning his face away. He’d known something would happen when he left, but that didn’t make it any easier.
That what he’d seen of Yunho’s face held just as much betrayal as anger didn’t help, either.
It felt like an eternity before Yunho spoke, his voice low and intense. “Are you happy now?” Jaejoong barely managed to shake his head, but it must have been the answer Yunho was looking for because he continued. “What were you thinking? What could you have possibly been thinking when I told you less than a day ago what would happen if you ran away?”
Again, all he could do was shake his head. At the time, he thought he’d had the perfect solution, but in hindsight, he could understand Yunho’s anger. Too well, perhaps, for as long as he’d been left alone in his room to think about it. He didn’t have the words to defend himself and wasn’t sure he would try even if he did.
Eventually, Yunho stepped back enough for Jaejoong to breathe more easily, turning his back as if he couldn’t stand to looking at him anymore. “If I hadn’t been able to send Junsu after you, everyone would know you were gone by now. How could you be so childish?”
He winced. The criticism was well deserved but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. “I know better now.”
“Do you?” The amount of scorn Yunho could put into just those two words didn’t seem like it should be possible.
Oh, how well he knew. Since he’d been locked in the room, he’d done nothing but think over and over of all the things he’d lost and stood to lose, the broken necklace clenched tightly in his hand. At some point, he’d realized that losing the relationships he’d made here in the castle would hurt nearly as much. The human servants who understood the problems he faced here. The feelings that had been growing between him and Yunho. It all walked a knife’s edge, now, and it was all his fault. “I do.”
Yunho paced away, going the length of the room and back before he came to stand in front of Jaejoong again, visibly more in control of himself this time, although his eyes still burned silver. Jaejoong pressed himself against the wall behind him, confidence deserting him in the face of Yunho’s disapproval. “Change me, then.”
Silver eyes narrowed, the color in them brightening as if he hadn’t expected that. Most likely he hadn’t. “You test me.”
Jaejoong swallowed nervously, watching Yunho’s eyes follow the movement. “I’m not. I... It’s the only way I can prove it, isn’t it?”
“Do you know what you’re asking?”
“I’m not asking.” The time for questions had passed long before he’d made his decision to run back to the town. He could name a dozen reasons at least to go through with this now, not least was the man standing in front of him. By far not the least. He licked his lips, taking a deliberate step closer to Yunho and away from the wall. “I’m making my choice.”
“Jaejoong...” Yunho shook his head, looking away. “If you think this can make everything magically better-”
“I don’t!” He nearly stomped his foot, only the desire not to be seen as a complete child stopping him. “I know what I did was wrong, but can’t you even pretend to understand why?” He rubbed his face, the emotional confrontation in the alley coming back to him. “I didn’t even speak to my family. I couldn’t, once I realized I’d never be able to stay. I just left them a message so they’d know I wasn’t dead.” Which was close enough to the truth. Yoochun wasn’t family, no matter how much he often felt like he was. He chuckled ironically. “Although I guess I will be, either way, won’t I? Whether you accept my choice or not?”
He looked up then to meet Yunho’s eyes, and what he saw surprised him. Yunho’s expression held pain and something like regret, enough that Jaejoong all but forgot his own problems and opened his mouth to ask Yunho what he’d done this time. Before he could get the words out, though, Yunho was turning away again. He followed without even thinking about it, uncertainty keeping him from getting closer than an arm’s length. “I’m still not psychic. Or hundreds of years old, like some people in the room. I swear I didn’t talk to anyone. I’m making a choice of my own free will right now. What else do you want me to do?”
When Yunho still refused to answer him, Jaejoong frowned at his back. “What are you so worried about?”
The words were meant only for himself, but he knew Yunho had heard them when he glanced back over his shoulder, his own scowl firmly in place. “I’m worried about you. I thought that would be obvious.”
“Because ignoring me is your way of showing worry?” Although he wasn’t being ignored now, was he? He circled around until Yunho was facing him again. “It’s not working.”
Yunho crossed his arms but didn’t try to turn away again. “When I came to find you, and you were gone, I panicked. I might have overreacted a bit, but Jaejoong, if anyone else in this castle had found you before Junsu or I had, do you have any idea how quickly you would have been broken and thrown into the cellar? Do you have any idea what your impulse could have cost you?”
He may not have been psychic, but he could read between the lines. Growing up in a household full of girls would teach that lesson well. “You mean what it would have cost us.”
There was no immediate response, so he took a step closer. “Is there still an us?”
The two of them had worked closely over the last month, so it was entirely possible, with everything else, that he’d purely imagined that Yunho’s interest went as deep as his own. Even if it had, it was also entirely possible that this stunt had cost him that along with Yunho’s trust.
He froze when Yunho’s response was to reach for him, one hand at his shoulder pulling him close, the other cupping his cheek to tilt his face up. He closed his eyes as Yunho leaned down close to him, thumb stroking his jaw lightly. The kiss was short, almost chaste, but it stole Jaejoong’s ability to think or even breathe more completely than any previous clandestine partner he’d had, male or female. He swallowed hard, his lips feeling incapable of forming words as Yunho pressed their foreheads together. “Yunho?”
“I’m sorry.” Those words were the last he expected to hear. It was enough to make him open his eyes, his stomach clenching at Yunho being so close.
That wasn’t right, though. Yunho shouldn’t be sorry. Or, at least, Jaejoong had a feeling he was sorry for the wrong things. “Don’t be.”
Yunho’s fingers brushing through his hair and down the back of his neck nearly made him sigh in happiness until they touched on the still raw cuts at the nape of his neck. He hissed in pain, twitching away from the touch, which was all Yunho need to jerk his hand away, physically turning Jaejoong to see what had caused that reaction. His growl made Jaejoong’s breath catch in his throat. “What happened?”
Jaejoong twisted out of his grasp, feeling guilty now more than before. “Nothing. Junsu-”
Yunho’s eyes had gone silver again when he wasn’t looking. “Junsu did that?”
“It was an accident?” He grabbed for Yunho’s arm before he could storm off. “He was angry because you were upset. It’s not his fault. He didn’t mean to do it.” Never would he have expected to end up defending Junsu, but if Junsu hadn’t had to be sent to find him, none of it would have happened, so it was the least he could do.
“He still hurt you.” With Yunho sounding slightly more rational about the situation now, Jaejoong was almost sure he wouldn’t run off to murder Junsu any time soon. He turned around only slightly sulkily when Yunho gestured that he should. He hadn’t seen the scratches himself, but they didn’t feel much worse than what a cat could do. A human-sized cat, at least. “See? It’s not that bad, is it?”
Whatever else he may have said was lost in a startled gasp as Yunho pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, just above where the scratches ended. Unlike their previous kiss, Jaejoong could feel Yunho’s fangs against his skin, the hint of danger making him shiver. He turned, catching Yunho’s lips with his own before either of them could consider doing anything else stupid, like talking. That had been the plan, at least, but when Yunho kissed him back, his brain promptly melted, all thoughts of any sort of plan disappearing completely.
This time, when Yunho kissed him, it was everything he’d seen in Yunho’s face that day Junsu had cornered him in the hallway, everything he’d heard in Yunho’s voice just now when he’d thought another vampire had injured him. It was possessive and terrifying but so Yunho at the same time that he couldn’t help but get lost in it.
He didn’t realize Yunho had moved them until his legs hit the bed, nearly causing him to lose his balance if not for Yunho’s hold on his arms. Yunho pulled away despite Jaejoong’s muttered disappointment. Yunho’s fingers stroking his throat made him open his eyes to find Yunho watching him seriously. He swallowed and felt Yunho’s fingers twitch even as Yunho’s gaze sharpened.
Yunho visibly checked himself, stroking Jaejoong’s throat once more before removing his hand. “You’re sure?”
Something told Jaejoong he was asking about more than the kissing. He managed to nod. “As sure as I’ll ever be.” The thought of becoming something new and different was unnerving, certainly, unsettling if he wanted to be honest, but he wouldn’t be alone to discover his new limits, and that made it bearable.
Yunho’s frown said he was less than pleased by the indirect answer, but still, he leaned in to kiss Jaejoong again, drawn out and slow, as his fingers undid the buttons on Jaejoong’s shirt. He kissed his way down Jaejoong’s jaw to his ear and down his neck, speaking softly all the while, although Jaejoong caught perhaps one word in ten, about not ruining his shirt and replacing his bed linens and apologizing for his part in whatever was to come. Jaejoong only nodded, too lost in the moment to be concerned about what might come after it.
Once the shirt was unbuttoned, Yunho slid it down his arms, caressing the skin reverently as he went. Yunho’s own shirt quickly followed it. Jaejoong couldn’t help staring. “The undead have time to work out?”
Yunho chuckled, kissing him again quickly. “It’s one of our lesser known secrets.”
Their pants quickly followed. While Jaejoong had experimented with various others around his age, he’d never gone this far with any of them. He hesitated, but Yunho seemed to pick up on his worries as easily as if he had spoken them. He cupped Jaejoong’s face in both his hands, kissing him gently again. “Relax and come here.”
He pulled Jaejoong onto the bed with him, arranging them until he was sitting up with Jaejoong astride his lap, kissing his way over as much of Jaejoong’s skin as he could manage, murmuring encouragement and praise into his skin. Now and then, Yunho’s teeth caught at his skin, not hard enough to break it, but bringing the blood to the surface with little scratches and nips.
When Yunho caught one of Jaejoong’s hands, he paused, kissing Jaejoong soundly. “I’m glad you made this choice.” Before Jaejoong could answer that he was more than glad of it, too, Yunho had looked away, all his attention seemingly caught by the beat of Jaejoong’s pulse in his wrist. He pressed his lips above it, almost reverently, before biting into the skin.
Jaejoong jerked in surprise, but Yunho’s grip on his arm was strong. He could feel the pull of Yunho’s fangs, feel the blood leaving the wound, but somehow, the more uncomfortable the sensation grew, the more pleasurable it felt. Yunho pulled away after only a moment, but the wound still bled where his fangs had been. He licked his lips, trying to find the words he wanted, but Yunho shook his head, quieting him gently. “It’s only how it starts. It will be done soon.”
He could only nod. Yunho was touching him now, his chest, his sides, his back, and he quickly forgot about his wrist. His head had gone light in a way that had little to do with blood loss, and he moaned when Yunho finally wrapped a hand around his length.
His back arched as he gasped out Yunho’s name. There wasn’t enough air, leaving him dizzy and aware of every movement Yunho made, every fleeting touch. He’d never felt anything as strongly as he felt this, whatever this was, between them now. He cried out when Yunho’s fangs finally sank into his neck, the pain cutting through the pleasure and then adding to it. It grew until the two together were nearly unbearable.
And then there was nothing at all.
~
Epilogue
Changmin looked around, doing his best not to tug his clothes straight for the tenth time since the ball started. He’d had a dance or two, but largely he kept to himself. No sense in being someone he wasn’t, especially not here.
Instead, he spent his time observing. His age-mates were as loud and as frivolous as they ever were, reminding him painfully of Jaejoong. He’d thought of his friend too many times to count over the last year, ever since he failed to return from his trial month. There were rumors, that he’d run or that he’d been sent away on some secret mission that no one could speak about, but none of the possible answers sat right enough with Changmin.
Or Yoochun, he knew. They had less time together, now that Yoochun was busy so often with official business, but they still made time for each other as much as possible. Yoochun had announced him with an especially annoying flourish when the ball started, and Changmin was still planning ways to get him back for it. It was good to see him happy, though, so different from what he’d been in the weeks after he’d returned from his trial month. According to certain people Changmin talked to, Yoochun might even have been seriously courting a woman the last few weeks. He hadn’t had time, yet, but he would get to the bottom of that particular rumor soon.
His eyes strayed to the other side of the room, away from the doors and Yoochun. He’d never been to one of the official Solstice festivities, of course, but it was easy enough to pick out the two who claimed to be representatives of the masters. Changmin still wasn’t sure how he felt on that score, but he’d taken Jaejoong’s warning to heart and stayed mostly clear of the matter. Somehow, all of Jaejoong’s warnings seemed more important now that he was gone.
As if sensing his scrutiny, the smaller of the two cloaked figures moved, raising its head. His head, Changmin was somehow sure, though he didn’t know why. The feeling of being watched without being able to see the eyes on him made the tiny hairs on the back of Changmin’s neck stand on end, and he quickly turned away. It didn’t change the feeling, but at least he could pretend he didn’t see it.
When he chanced another look some minutes later, the two were bent close toward each other, their postures nearly intimate, enough so that Changmin looked away again almost immediately. Whatever or whoever they were, they were none of his concern, he told himself.
Somewhere, a bell rang, and a cheer went up among all those gathered. Changmin caught a glimpse of Yoochun through the crowd, his friend throwing him a confident grin as he mimed for Changmin to smile and enjoy himself for once.
The bell rang again, and Changmin refused to look back toward the two cloaked figures a third time, despite the unsettling feeling that he was being watched again. Instead, he stubbornly raised his glass as the rest of his age mates did, some of them counting out the strikes of the bell, the words growing louder and louder as the bell struck ten times, eleven. On the twelfth strike, even Changmin couldn’t stop his smile as he toasted with his tablemates.
The Solstice had begun.
He groaned. “It’s just so much. How do you keep all these rules separate?”
Yunho’s hands were comforting on his shoulders. He’d never even heard him move. “It’s hard at first, but given time, you’ll do better. It’s only been a month.”
A month. Jaejoong sat up enough to look over his shoulder at Yunho. “It has?”
It was hard, sometimes, for Jaejoong to tell how much time had passed in the castle. The days and nights blurred without the dependence on the sun rising and setting. In that way, life felt more carefree here, with the human inhabitants sleeping when they were tired and eating when they were hungry. It meant someone was always up and working at any given time of day, and the vampires, at least the ones Jaejoong had the most contact with, seemed to work around the varied schedules with ease, leaving Jaejoong feeling even more the odd man out.
“It has.” Yunho’s fingers brushed the back of Jaejoong’s neck as he took his hands from Jaejoong’s shoulders, instead moving to perch on the edge of the table next to Jaejoong’s discarded scroll. “Minus a few days, at least.”
He shivered but refused to let himself get completely side-tracked. “Then my trial month is almost over.”
Yunho nodded without saying anything, only crossing his arms as he apparently waited for Jaejoong to come to some decision or another on his own. If only Jaejoong could understand what that decision was supposed to be. “When do I get to go home?”
Obviously, that was not the correct decision. Yunho frowned heavily, stance going more rigid, less comfortable in Jaejoong’s presence. “Why do you ask that?”
Jaejoong’s turn to frown, even as he slid his chair back enough to face Yunho fully. “Everyone goes home at the end of their trial month. That’s why it’s called the trial month.”
“You aren’t everyone.”
“That’s not...” He trailed off as it sunk in. “I don’t get to go home? At all?”
“No.” Yunho gave in enough to lay a comforting hand on Jaejoong’s arm. “No one ever said you’d be able to. The things you’ve learned,” he gestured to the scroll still on the table, “what you’ve read, these aren’t things we can risk letting ordinary humans know. Especially not now.”
“With the threat of unrest among the protected villages.” He knew that. He did. Even if he felt a bit like a disillusioned parrot when he was forced to recite such things on command. But knowing something intellectually and having it confirmed to his face were two very separate things. “But, Yunho, I don’t want to go home to hold a lecture on vampires. I want to see my family.”
His heart thumped painfully in his chest when Yunho only squeezed his arm gently and turned away, going back to his chair and his book. Jaejoong stood to follow him. “This conversation isn’t finished.”
Yunho barely even bothered to glance up. “It is. There wasn’t anything to discuss in the first place.”
He gritted his teeth at the obvious dismissal. Whatever he’d thought he and Yunho had, maybe he was wrong. Maybe Yunho was just as terrible as the legends said all vampires could be. “Are you really this heartless?”
He stumbled back when Yunho stood suddenly, eyes hard. He’d never been afraid of Yunho before, but he wondered if perhaps he should be. “Fine. We’ll play this game your way. Come on.”
Before he could react, Yunho had wrenched the door open and left him behind.
~
Yunho led him deep into the castle, farther down than Jaejoong had ever been, even in his solo explorations. The air down here felt close and damp, like what he’d always imagined the dungeons in the storybooks must be like, ready to trap the hero and imprison him forever.
By the time they reached the bottom of the last staircase, barely wide enough for the two of them to walk abreast, he was sure dungeon couldn’t be that far off. None of the beauty of the rest of the castle was reflected down here. The walls were the original stone, and while everything was just as clean as the higher floors, not much else could be said. This was what he’d been warned away from when he was exploring the castle, and just looking at it, he could begin to guess why.
His feet slowed without his directing them to. This was not a place he wanted to be, and every instinct he possessed was telling him to turn around and leave even more quickly than they’d come.
The hallway at the bottom of the staircase ended in a single, large wooden door. Even looking at it, Jaejoong knew it would be heavy enough to stop even the most determined person. Whether it would stop a vampire or not, Jaejoong wasn’t sure, but he doubted it would ever need to.
Yunho hadn’t said a word since they’d left the library, not even in response to Jaejoong’s eventual apology, certainly not to answer any of Jaejoong’s questions. He’d given up and followed in silence after the first five minutes. Now, Yunho stopped and finally faced Jaejoong as they reached the door. The anger and annoyance that had been in his expression in the library were gone, replaced by a tired sort of disappointment. Jaejoong’s throat closed at the knowledge that it was directed firmly at him. “Yunho-”
He shut his mouth quickly enough to bite his tongue when Yunho raised a hand to quiet him. “No. You’ve had your turn to talk. This is mine.”
The rebuke burned, but he managed to only nod to show he’d understood, however much he’d rather have argued. He’d rather argue about anything than see whatever Yunho so obviously did not want to show him behind this door.
After a moment, Yunho looked away. “Vampires survive on human blood. It’s the only way we can survive. You know that already.” He glanced up, and again Jaejoong found himself nodding. “Usually, you wouldn’t find out how we get that blood until after you’ve been changed, but...” Yunho fell silent for a long while, although Jaejoong didn’t dare to prod him into speaking. Eventually, he sighed and turned, pulling a key ring from a hook on the wall to open the door. He neither invited Jaejoong to follow him nor told him to stay behind, so he followed and immediately wished he hadn’t.
The room was as dimly lit as this entire level, meaning it was probably only rarely visited by the humans of the castle, if at all. Unfortunately, there was still more than enough light to see the beds and couches lined up along each wall. More doors opened off of the first room, and Jaejoong didn’t have to see what was in them to guess that they held more of the same. What made him press a hand to his mouth in horror was what, or rather who, occupied the beds.
Humans, he could only assume they were human, lay sleeping or staring at nothing as if they were living dolls, still warm and breathing, but there the resemblance to a real person ended. Not one of them made the slightest movement to show they’d noticed Jaejoong and Yunho enter. He took a step toward the closest one before he could stop himself. “What is this?”
“A food cellar. More or less.” He looked up sharply at the jaded amusement in Yunho’s voice. Yunho wasn’t looking at him, though. “This is what happens to those we deem too dangerous or too untrustworthy to be allowed the freedom of the castle.”
Was that intended to be a threat? Become one of them or become... this? “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said.” He studied the forms spread out around them as if evaluating them, looking for defects or imperfections. “I told you upstairs that there are secrets we cannot risk letting the world know. The criminals you send to us, or those who cannot handle the idea of a transformation into a creature out of a myth...” He turned, studying Jaejoong much the way he had the others. “There’s no option to go home, Jaejoong. Not since you climbed into that carriage.”
He swallowed hard, feeling a bit like his life was a hallway, and a door he hadn’t even known existed had just slammed shut behind him. “What happened to them?”
It seemed to be the right answer to a question he didn’t know had been asked because Yunho’s shoulders relaxed, just slightly, as he sat on the edge of one of the beds. “They dream.” He reached for the body he’d sat next to, placing a hand at its neck to check for a pulse. “We can’t trust them, but we aren’t heartless.” The word bit at Jaejoong just as he knew it was intended to. “Magic can strip their minds of the ability to awaken. Some of the more trustworthy servants care for them, as long as they may live.”
“So Junsu-”
“No.” The word was hard and final. “Junsu will never learn this magic. It’s not in him. But we weren’t talking about him.”
No, they hadn’t been, had they? “Why did you bring me here now? Why show me at all?”
“You’d have learned eventually. You’ll need to feed as soon as your change is complete.” He said it so matter-of-fact, as if there was no question Jaejoong would go through with it, even now. “I would have told you sooner, just like I would have told you about Changmin’s magic, but it never seemed right.”
He stood carefully, gesturing for Jaejoong to precede him out the door, shutting and locking it behind them. He led the way, then, stopping only when they were back on the main floor of the castle. “We let you learn as much as you can before your change, so that you can make a choice based on facts instead of superstition. If I’m honest, I know what choice I want you to make, but it’s not up to me. If you choose to live as a servant here instead of becoming one of us, that’s your choice, and you’re free to make it.” He held up a hand before Jaejoong could comment. “But if you try to leave the castle grounds, for any reason, the only choice you’re making is to end up down there. That’s why I showed it to you.”
Jaejoong had no answer to that. How could he? The walk back to his room was silent as they both had more things to think about than they likely wanted. As he let himself into his room, Yunho paused behind him in the doorway, expression unreadable as he watched Jaejoong. Still, Jaejoong found himself unable to be the first to speak. Eventually, Yunho did come farther into the room, enough to brush Jaejoong’s cheek with the backs of his fingers and then, as if remembering himself, rest that hand on Jaejoong’s shoulder instead. “You don’t need to make your choice tonight. Just think about what I showed you. Think about what you’ve learned since you’ve been here. All right?”
When his voice again refused to cooperate, he only nodded. Yunho frowned as if hurt by the lack of response but didn’t say anything else, only closing the door behind himself with a quiet goodnight.
Left alone, Jaejoong paced the length of his room for what felt like hours but was likely only minutes. He couldn’t get the image of the people in the cellar out of his mind, but at the same time, he thought of his family, never knowing what became of him, never knowing if he was dead or alive, if he was happy or not. They’d be expecting him home any day now.
And Changmin. Could Jaejoong let him be caught as unaware as he had been?
He pulled the dark, light-blocking cloak from his wardrobe, crushing the voice of better judgment in his mind telling him this was a horrible idea even as he put it on. He’d never have another chance, certainly not once he’d been changed. He’d just need to be quick enough that no one noticed. If that was his ‘choice,’ then so be it.
~
Jaejoong stumbled through the outskirts of town, his cloak pulled tightly around himself, hands and feet frozen but lungs on fire. The trip down the mountain in the dark had taken more time than he’d thought, even by horseback. He’d left the horse at the edge of the woods, knowing it would draw too much attention in the open. His plan to be back in his room in the castle before anyone noticed he was gone had fallen by the wayside when he realized just how impractical it was, especially when he couldn’t see in the dark like they could. Now he could only hope to minimize the damage. He wouldn’t have much time before someone realized he’d left and tracked him down, so he needed to make the most of what he did have.
A flash of guilt stabbed into him, making him pause mid-step for a heartbeat and then two. Yunho’s reasons had been perfectly logical, of course, but he should have known that Jaejoong couldn’t follow his command, not even knowing what the alternative could be. He shook his head, forcing himself to continue on. It would be stupid to stop and turn back now. He’d have broken Yunho’s trust for nothing.
The late hour ensured that the familiar streets of his neighborhood were nearly empty, only the street lamps casting strange and shifting shadows against the drifting snow. The air might have felt warmer than it had a month ago except for the wind. Every gust felt as if it were burrowing under his cloak and straight through his skin. He kept his head down, trudging steadily through the cold, avoiding the largest piles of snow as best he could.
Finally, the sight of his house around the last corner had him breaking into an exhausted trot. Surely, someone would have noticed he was gone by now, the horse was certainly a good clue, and he knew they could move much faster through the dark and the cold than he could. It would all be worth it, though, no matter what came after. He just had to believe that.
The curtains were drawn over the window into the main room, although he could see shadows moving across them as he paused, leaning against the wall to catch his breath. It wouldn’t do to appear out of breath like he’d run away, no matter that he had.
He wondered who might still be up at this hour. His father usually went to bed early in order to get up for his work, but his mother often stayed up late doing her work or talking with whichever of her daughters had come to visit that day. Would she wake his father when he appeared at the door? How would he tell her he couldn’t stay? That he would never be able to come back again?
With second thoughts gnawing at him, he realized too late that the shadows had been moving toward the door. He jerked at the sound of voices as the door opened mere feet from him, torn between running to them and running away. He was off guard, not ready yet, he hadn’t decided what he would tell them, or who he would tell. Finally, as a figure stepped out of the doorway, his feet made his decision for him, leading him to hurry back around the side of the house.
Unfortunately, his indecision cost him. He heard the door close, but then the footsteps came closer to his hiding spot instead of going the other way into town. A person turned the corner, silhouetted against the glow from a street lamp. “I know I saw someone. Come out before-”
Jaejoong lunged up from where he’d been crouched in a shadow, a hand covering the man’s mouth to stop him from attracting too much attention. Only then did the voice and the figure in front of him really register. “Yoochun?!”
Under his hands, his friend froze, a look of confusion replacing what had been becoming fear and anger. The cloak. Of course. The cloak was more than large enough to hide his shape, and the clothes under it were ones he’d gotten at the castle. He backed away quickly, reaching up to shove his hood back. “What are you doing here?” He barely managed to keep his voice to a dull whisper, praying Yoochun would do the same.
He wasn’t met with quite the response he would have expected as Yoochun’s confusion turned to shock. “Me?” At least his voice was softer than it could have been. “I’m not the one lurking in an alleyway outside my own home.”
Except it wasn’t his home anymore. In a moment of painful realization, Jaejoong knew this had been the wrong idea. All he’d done was put his family and friends in danger. His heart sank. “Just answer the question.”
Yoochun stared at him incredulously, instead, wrapping his arms around himself as he obviously hadn’t come outside prepared for a conversation out in the cold. “The Master Herald released me from my month tonight, so I came to see if you’d gotten back yet. Your mother had to feed me, you know how she is, so I’m just now... Why are we talking out here?”
“Because.” His hands clenched into fists with the effort to keep himself from blurting anything out. “I’m not back. Really.” He kicked snow at Yoochun’s leg. “I didn’t expect you to be stupid and go looking for trouble.”
“You’re making even less sense than usual. Do you realize that?”
He huffed, giving in to the urge to punch Yoochun’s shoulder, if only for a brief moment of normalcy. “Listen to me! I’m not coming back. Do you understand?”
He obviously did. Jaejoong could see in his face the second it clicked. “What?”
Finally, he was paying attention. “I’m not coming back. Not ever. I can’t. Even coming to try to say goodbye was dangerous, so you’re it.”
But Yoochun was already shaking his head. “Your family is right here. Just-”
“I can’t!” His voice broke as he was forced to admit just how far from all of them he was going to be. “I mean it. If anyone finds out you talked to me...” He thought of Yoochun or any of his family down there on those beds and his throat closed up until he dragged Yoochun into a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you, Chunnie.”
“Jaejoong, no.” Yoochun’s voice sounded thick, now, and he knew if he looked, there would be tears threatening at the corners of Yoochun’s eyes. “This isn’t how it was supposed to be. The three of us are inseparable. Right?”
Oh, Changmin. Jaejoong bit his lip hard enough for it to sting as he held Yoochun tighter. None of this was at all fair, but it was too late to turn back on the path now. Like Yunho had said, his decision had been made for him when he stepped into the carriage. Knowing that he’d need to be there for Changmin only made him ten times as sure that he needed to go. “Right. Just... take care of my family, okay? Tell them I’m okay, and that I miss them, but nothing else. Tell them I’m busy doing important things.” That was close enough and not a lie, if not anything of the truth, either.
He wasn’t sure how much longer they stood there, as he memorized everything he could about the way he and Yoochun felt together. When he knew he couldn’t stand to waste any more time, he untangled himself from Yoochun as carefully as he could, taking a step back to make sure they stayed separated. A lifelong friendship stood at the edge of being broken, and he wasn’t sure he knew what to do next.
So Yoochun did it for him. Yoochun, who always knew exactly what a person needed to hear, no matter what they wanted. He curled his arms around himself again, as if to replace Jaejoong’s presence. “Go on. We’ll be fine.”
Jaejoong nodded, but it was another long minute of silence before he pulled his cloak’s hood back up and slipped around Yoochun back to the street. A last glance behind showed Yoochun standing in the place he’d left him, unmoving as a statue until Jaejoong lost sight of him.
Heart aching, he hurried back along the thankfully still empty streets to where he’d left his horse only to find it missing. He didn’t have more than a moment to glance around in a panic before he was grabbed from behind, a hand roughly clamped over his mouth jerking his head back. He closed his eyes, recognizing the sort of strength that no human could emulate and knowing he’d lost.
Warm breath hit his ear as the one holding him panted softly and then growled. “Quiet.” The hands shook him, hard, just once to prove a point and then let him go with a shove when he didn’t struggle. He turned as he stumbled, catching sight of golden eyes in the darkness. Junsu, then. Possibly the very last person he wished to be trapped with in the dark.
Junsu disappeared into the forest, returning a minute later with two horses. The one Jaejoong had borrowed had its reins tied to the other’s saddle. It was rather obvious that Jaejoong was not going to be trusted to see himself back to the castle. When Junsu reached for him, his nerves broke and he foolishly tried to scramble away, realizing the stupidity of the action only too late. Junsu darted after him, fingers become claws reaching for his cloak and catching the back of his neck, instead. He yelped as he felt them break the skin, one of them snagging against the necklace on its way. The thick braided twine held for a second, perhaps two, before it snapped, disappearing into the snow.
He jerked away from Junsu again, searching frantically. Only Junsu freezing guiltily as the smell of blood hit him gave him enough time for his fingers to close around one end of the necklace before Junsu was dragging him upright again.
Junsu’s movements were twitchy and hesitant now, as if he thought Jaejoong might have turned to glass when he wasn’t looking. His eyes had faded to brown, and Jaejoong found himself relieved to be dealing with this Junsu for now instead of the other one. Even if this one was still growling under his breath as he pressed Jaejoong to mount his horse, as he mounted his own and started them both up the path to the castle.
With no reins, Jaejoong clutched the saddle with one hand, holding the other with the necklace close to him under his cloak. The journey up the mountain seemed to take ten times as long without Yunho’s company, giving him far too much time to think and leaving him shivering and acutely aware of the burning across the back of his neck.
The sun was near to rising by the time they reached the castle yard, and Junsu had huddled as much of himself as he could under his own cloak. The sunlight may not actually kill them, but everything Jaejoong had read on the subject had said it was far from a pleasant experience nonetheless. Before he could consider doing anything, though, Junsu was reining in his horse and fixing Jaejoong with a lethal glare before sliding to the ground and tossing Jaejoong his horse’s reins. There wasn’t even an option not to follow.
In the stable, Junsu muttered to himself as he took care of his horse after gesturing for Jaejoong to do the same. Every now and then, Jaejoong would catch a phrase or two, most of them disjointed but clear enough to be worrisome. Yunho had obviously sent Junsu down the mountain after him, and neither of them were happy about his disappearance.
With the horses put away, Junsu hurried him through the dawn-lightened courtyard, grumbling unhappily the entire way. Inside, Junsu dragged him through the castle, snarling at anyone they passed. Apparently this wasn’t entirely unusual behavior for him, because no one did more than cast a sympathetic frown at Jaejoong as they stood aside. When they reached his room, Junsu flung open the door and flung Jaejoong in past it.
The door slammed shut before Jaejoong could regain his balance. The sound of a lock sliding home had never seemed so final.
~
Jaejoong barely had time to register that the door had opened before Yunho had crowded him back against a wall, eyes flashing, more threatening than Jaejoong had ever seen him. He squeezed his own eyes shut, turning his face away. He’d known something would happen when he left, but that didn’t make it any easier.
That what he’d seen of Yunho’s face held just as much betrayal as anger didn’t help, either.
It felt like an eternity before Yunho spoke, his voice low and intense. “Are you happy now?” Jaejoong barely managed to shake his head, but it must have been the answer Yunho was looking for because he continued. “What were you thinking? What could you have possibly been thinking when I told you less than a day ago what would happen if you ran away?”
Again, all he could do was shake his head. At the time, he thought he’d had the perfect solution, but in hindsight, he could understand Yunho’s anger. Too well, perhaps, for as long as he’d been left alone in his room to think about it. He didn’t have the words to defend himself and wasn’t sure he would try even if he did.
Eventually, Yunho stepped back enough for Jaejoong to breathe more easily, turning his back as if he couldn’t stand to looking at him anymore. “If I hadn’t been able to send Junsu after you, everyone would know you were gone by now. How could you be so childish?”
He winced. The criticism was well deserved but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. “I know better now.”
“Do you?” The amount of scorn Yunho could put into just those two words didn’t seem like it should be possible.
Oh, how well he knew. Since he’d been locked in the room, he’d done nothing but think over and over of all the things he’d lost and stood to lose, the broken necklace clenched tightly in his hand. At some point, he’d realized that losing the relationships he’d made here in the castle would hurt nearly as much. The human servants who understood the problems he faced here. The feelings that had been growing between him and Yunho. It all walked a knife’s edge, now, and it was all his fault. “I do.”
Yunho paced away, going the length of the room and back before he came to stand in front of Jaejoong again, visibly more in control of himself this time, although his eyes still burned silver. Jaejoong pressed himself against the wall behind him, confidence deserting him in the face of Yunho’s disapproval. “Change me, then.”
Silver eyes narrowed, the color in them brightening as if he hadn’t expected that. Most likely he hadn’t. “You test me.”
Jaejoong swallowed nervously, watching Yunho’s eyes follow the movement. “I’m not. I... It’s the only way I can prove it, isn’t it?”
“Do you know what you’re asking?”
“I’m not asking.” The time for questions had passed long before he’d made his decision to run back to the town. He could name a dozen reasons at least to go through with this now, not least was the man standing in front of him. By far not the least. He licked his lips, taking a deliberate step closer to Yunho and away from the wall. “I’m making my choice.”
“Jaejoong...” Yunho shook his head, looking away. “If you think this can make everything magically better-”
“I don’t!” He nearly stomped his foot, only the desire not to be seen as a complete child stopping him. “I know what I did was wrong, but can’t you even pretend to understand why?” He rubbed his face, the emotional confrontation in the alley coming back to him. “I didn’t even speak to my family. I couldn’t, once I realized I’d never be able to stay. I just left them a message so they’d know I wasn’t dead.” Which was close enough to the truth. Yoochun wasn’t family, no matter how much he often felt like he was. He chuckled ironically. “Although I guess I will be, either way, won’t I? Whether you accept my choice or not?”
He looked up then to meet Yunho’s eyes, and what he saw surprised him. Yunho’s expression held pain and something like regret, enough that Jaejoong all but forgot his own problems and opened his mouth to ask Yunho what he’d done this time. Before he could get the words out, though, Yunho was turning away again. He followed without even thinking about it, uncertainty keeping him from getting closer than an arm’s length. “I’m still not psychic. Or hundreds of years old, like some people in the room. I swear I didn’t talk to anyone. I’m making a choice of my own free will right now. What else do you want me to do?”
When Yunho still refused to answer him, Jaejoong frowned at his back. “What are you so worried about?”
The words were meant only for himself, but he knew Yunho had heard them when he glanced back over his shoulder, his own scowl firmly in place. “I’m worried about you. I thought that would be obvious.”
“Because ignoring me is your way of showing worry?” Although he wasn’t being ignored now, was he? He circled around until Yunho was facing him again. “It’s not working.”
Yunho crossed his arms but didn’t try to turn away again. “When I came to find you, and you were gone, I panicked. I might have overreacted a bit, but Jaejoong, if anyone else in this castle had found you before Junsu or I had, do you have any idea how quickly you would have been broken and thrown into the cellar? Do you have any idea what your impulse could have cost you?”
He may not have been psychic, but he could read between the lines. Growing up in a household full of girls would teach that lesson well. “You mean what it would have cost us.”
There was no immediate response, so he took a step closer. “Is there still an us?”
The two of them had worked closely over the last month, so it was entirely possible, with everything else, that he’d purely imagined that Yunho’s interest went as deep as his own. Even if it had, it was also entirely possible that this stunt had cost him that along with Yunho’s trust.
He froze when Yunho’s response was to reach for him, one hand at his shoulder pulling him close, the other cupping his cheek to tilt his face up. He closed his eyes as Yunho leaned down close to him, thumb stroking his jaw lightly. The kiss was short, almost chaste, but it stole Jaejoong’s ability to think or even breathe more completely than any previous clandestine partner he’d had, male or female. He swallowed hard, his lips feeling incapable of forming words as Yunho pressed their foreheads together. “Yunho?”
“I’m sorry.” Those words were the last he expected to hear. It was enough to make him open his eyes, his stomach clenching at Yunho being so close.
That wasn’t right, though. Yunho shouldn’t be sorry. Or, at least, Jaejoong had a feeling he was sorry for the wrong things. “Don’t be.”
Yunho’s fingers brushing through his hair and down the back of his neck nearly made him sigh in happiness until they touched on the still raw cuts at the nape of his neck. He hissed in pain, twitching away from the touch, which was all Yunho need to jerk his hand away, physically turning Jaejoong to see what had caused that reaction. His growl made Jaejoong’s breath catch in his throat. “What happened?”
Jaejoong twisted out of his grasp, feeling guilty now more than before. “Nothing. Junsu-”
Yunho’s eyes had gone silver again when he wasn’t looking. “Junsu did that?”
“It was an accident?” He grabbed for Yunho’s arm before he could storm off. “He was angry because you were upset. It’s not his fault. He didn’t mean to do it.” Never would he have expected to end up defending Junsu, but if Junsu hadn’t had to be sent to find him, none of it would have happened, so it was the least he could do.
“He still hurt you.” With Yunho sounding slightly more rational about the situation now, Jaejoong was almost sure he wouldn’t run off to murder Junsu any time soon. He turned around only slightly sulkily when Yunho gestured that he should. He hadn’t seen the scratches himself, but they didn’t feel much worse than what a cat could do. A human-sized cat, at least. “See? It’s not that bad, is it?”
Whatever else he may have said was lost in a startled gasp as Yunho pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, just above where the scratches ended. Unlike their previous kiss, Jaejoong could feel Yunho’s fangs against his skin, the hint of danger making him shiver. He turned, catching Yunho’s lips with his own before either of them could consider doing anything else stupid, like talking. That had been the plan, at least, but when Yunho kissed him back, his brain promptly melted, all thoughts of any sort of plan disappearing completely.
This time, when Yunho kissed him, it was everything he’d seen in Yunho’s face that day Junsu had cornered him in the hallway, everything he’d heard in Yunho’s voice just now when he’d thought another vampire had injured him. It was possessive and terrifying but so Yunho at the same time that he couldn’t help but get lost in it.
He didn’t realize Yunho had moved them until his legs hit the bed, nearly causing him to lose his balance if not for Yunho’s hold on his arms. Yunho pulled away despite Jaejoong’s muttered disappointment. Yunho’s fingers stroking his throat made him open his eyes to find Yunho watching him seriously. He swallowed and felt Yunho’s fingers twitch even as Yunho’s gaze sharpened.
Yunho visibly checked himself, stroking Jaejoong’s throat once more before removing his hand. “You’re sure?”
Something told Jaejoong he was asking about more than the kissing. He managed to nod. “As sure as I’ll ever be.” The thought of becoming something new and different was unnerving, certainly, unsettling if he wanted to be honest, but he wouldn’t be alone to discover his new limits, and that made it bearable.
Yunho’s frown said he was less than pleased by the indirect answer, but still, he leaned in to kiss Jaejoong again, drawn out and slow, as his fingers undid the buttons on Jaejoong’s shirt. He kissed his way down Jaejoong’s jaw to his ear and down his neck, speaking softly all the while, although Jaejoong caught perhaps one word in ten, about not ruining his shirt and replacing his bed linens and apologizing for his part in whatever was to come. Jaejoong only nodded, too lost in the moment to be concerned about what might come after it.
Once the shirt was unbuttoned, Yunho slid it down his arms, caressing the skin reverently as he went. Yunho’s own shirt quickly followed it. Jaejoong couldn’t help staring. “The undead have time to work out?”
Yunho chuckled, kissing him again quickly. “It’s one of our lesser known secrets.”
Their pants quickly followed. While Jaejoong had experimented with various others around his age, he’d never gone this far with any of them. He hesitated, but Yunho seemed to pick up on his worries as easily as if he had spoken them. He cupped Jaejoong’s face in both his hands, kissing him gently again. “Relax and come here.”
He pulled Jaejoong onto the bed with him, arranging them until he was sitting up with Jaejoong astride his lap, kissing his way over as much of Jaejoong’s skin as he could manage, murmuring encouragement and praise into his skin. Now and then, Yunho’s teeth caught at his skin, not hard enough to break it, but bringing the blood to the surface with little scratches and nips.
When Yunho caught one of Jaejoong’s hands, he paused, kissing Jaejoong soundly. “I’m glad you made this choice.” Before Jaejoong could answer that he was more than glad of it, too, Yunho had looked away, all his attention seemingly caught by the beat of Jaejoong’s pulse in his wrist. He pressed his lips above it, almost reverently, before biting into the skin.
Jaejoong jerked in surprise, but Yunho’s grip on his arm was strong. He could feel the pull of Yunho’s fangs, feel the blood leaving the wound, but somehow, the more uncomfortable the sensation grew, the more pleasurable it felt. Yunho pulled away after only a moment, but the wound still bled where his fangs had been. He licked his lips, trying to find the words he wanted, but Yunho shook his head, quieting him gently. “It’s only how it starts. It will be done soon.”
He could only nod. Yunho was touching him now, his chest, his sides, his back, and he quickly forgot about his wrist. His head had gone light in a way that had little to do with blood loss, and he moaned when Yunho finally wrapped a hand around his length.
His back arched as he gasped out Yunho’s name. There wasn’t enough air, leaving him dizzy and aware of every movement Yunho made, every fleeting touch. He’d never felt anything as strongly as he felt this, whatever this was, between them now. He cried out when Yunho’s fangs finally sank into his neck, the pain cutting through the pleasure and then adding to it. It grew until the two together were nearly unbearable.
And then there was nothing at all.
~
Epilogue
Changmin looked around, doing his best not to tug his clothes straight for the tenth time since the ball started. He’d had a dance or two, but largely he kept to himself. No sense in being someone he wasn’t, especially not here.
Instead, he spent his time observing. His age-mates were as loud and as frivolous as they ever were, reminding him painfully of Jaejoong. He’d thought of his friend too many times to count over the last year, ever since he failed to return from his trial month. There were rumors, that he’d run or that he’d been sent away on some secret mission that no one could speak about, but none of the possible answers sat right enough with Changmin.
Or Yoochun, he knew. They had less time together, now that Yoochun was busy so often with official business, but they still made time for each other as much as possible. Yoochun had announced him with an especially annoying flourish when the ball started, and Changmin was still planning ways to get him back for it. It was good to see him happy, though, so different from what he’d been in the weeks after he’d returned from his trial month. According to certain people Changmin talked to, Yoochun might even have been seriously courting a woman the last few weeks. He hadn’t had time, yet, but he would get to the bottom of that particular rumor soon.
His eyes strayed to the other side of the room, away from the doors and Yoochun. He’d never been to one of the official Solstice festivities, of course, but it was easy enough to pick out the two who claimed to be representatives of the masters. Changmin still wasn’t sure how he felt on that score, but he’d taken Jaejoong’s warning to heart and stayed mostly clear of the matter. Somehow, all of Jaejoong’s warnings seemed more important now that he was gone.
As if sensing his scrutiny, the smaller of the two cloaked figures moved, raising its head. His head, Changmin was somehow sure, though he didn’t know why. The feeling of being watched without being able to see the eyes on him made the tiny hairs on the back of Changmin’s neck stand on end, and he quickly turned away. It didn’t change the feeling, but at least he could pretend he didn’t see it.
When he chanced another look some minutes later, the two were bent close toward each other, their postures nearly intimate, enough so that Changmin looked away again almost immediately. Whatever or whoever they were, they were none of his concern, he told himself.
Somewhere, a bell rang, and a cheer went up among all those gathered. Changmin caught a glimpse of Yoochun through the crowd, his friend throwing him a confident grin as he mimed for Changmin to smile and enjoy himself for once.
The bell rang again, and Changmin refused to look back toward the two cloaked figures a third time, despite the unsettling feeling that he was being watched again. Instead, he stubbornly raised his glass as the rest of his age mates did, some of them counting out the strikes of the bell, the words growing louder and louder as the bell struck ten times, eleven. On the twelfth strike, even Changmin couldn’t stop his smile as he toasted with his tablemates.
The Solstice had begun.