I'm unhappy and I'm not happy about it...

[jackwilliambell]

It isn't that I expect happiness. I don't consider a state of happiness my god-given right as a human being and an American. I don't think happiness is a normal base state and consider any deviation from it a disfunction. Hell, I can remember few intervals longer than a day out my life that I would describe as 'happy

Comments

[farmgirl1146]

Big hugs to you, Jack. I have been there. If you want to talk, call, you've got the number, and I am in the book as is C. I won't give advice, but I might be able to help you find the door.

[jackwilliambell]

Thanks. Knowing that you and other friends are there helps, even when I don't want to reach out.

I can relate.

[anonymous]

One of the hardest things for people is to give themselves the same compassion that others give to them. I can give you all the empathy and compassion I have, but that does not mean you will take-it in and feel better. We are responsible for our own happiness. It is a hard lesson, but I am trying to learn it right now, too. And I sense it will be a life-long lesson. ~Air (http://www.talkingtoair.com)

Re: I can relate.

[jackwilliambell]

I tend to be analytical; it is why I am so good as a programmer and, possibly, so bad relating to people. So when this kind of thing happens to me I start by analyzing it. Which fails on some levels because it isn't rational, but is emotional.

Such is life, I guess...

Re: I can relate.

[voidampersand]

And where does that analytical tendency come from? The desire to understand, to become one with what you are working on, to make it as good as it can possibly be. Those are very powerful emotional drives

Re: I can relate.

[jackwilliambell]

Well, hopefully I won't regret opening up like this. Yet, one of the few things I am sure of is that Anita would approve...

[scarlettina]

I send hugs and support. And if you want to get out for some conviviality, say the word.

[jackwilliambell]

Thanks. Next month is going to be hard. So I should probably plan on doing things to take my mind off of the hurty stuff.

[scarlettina]

Indeed you should. I know it's probably no comfort at all, but next month is my mother's yarzheit, so I tend to schedule myself up--it's a good method. If/when I start pulling together plans, you'll be on the "To" line.

[randy_byers]

As you've pretty much said, happiness and unhappiness are not baseline states of mind, they are transitory responses to good things and bad things that happen to us. You've had a very big bad thing happen to you, so the transitory part is not so transitory. I think it would be a good thing to go ahead and write about how you're feeling here. It's okay to not be in control sometimes, and letting your feelings out to play in a safe place is good. This should be a safe place, because we're all reading this journal because we're interested in you as a person and are sympathetic to what you're going through.

As for Wikipedia, you know that once you get your stub entry you'll be pissed because some jackass keeps editing it with wrong information!

[jackwilliambell]

I'm sure you're right. About the Wikipedia edits too.

[lasirenadolce]

Oh, Jack. I'm sorry to hear that you are so down. Just pulled out of a deep dark pit my own self. You were there with me when my life exploded and our talks helped so much. If I can do the same for you, let me know. Or, you know, we could just go to a movie or something :) Whatever you need, just say the word.

[jackwilliambell]

You know, you are one whom I am am really feeling for right now. Especially with your nieces and all. I sure hope that works out, because I know the kinds of fears that can run through ones mind when worrying about little ones in a situation which may not be over-safe.

You should be focusing on yourself and yours and not sparing a bit of worry about me. I'm a big boy. And, as for being there if I need something: Back at you kid!