Jack's Slash - Chapter 4
Here's the 4th chapter. Sorry it took a long time. I had to rewrite it and then soulan took her sweet time editing it, though that is maybe not a surprise since Ennis and I wrote it together while we were stoned.
From: “Soulan”
Date: February 9, 2009 6:29:02 AM CHT
To: “Jack Twist” jacknasty@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 4
I noticed you didn’t reply to any of the comments on Chapter 3, Jack, even though some were directed at you. And since you’ve sent Chapter 4 without even a hello, can I assume you’re upset ? It wasn’t my idea to saddle you with Matt at the end of the last chapter - Ennis insisted. It was pretty mean to ditch Matt at that gas station at the Wyoming border. Doesn’t seem very in character for you OR the AU version of you.
Yeah well I was pretty pissed bout having to deal with the Matt character in this chapter. But after I sent it to you Ennis persuaded me to keep him in the story a little longer and even suggested a kind way to get rid of him in the middle of Colorado.
From: “Jack Nasty”
Date: February 23, 2009 6:29:02 AM CHT
To: “Soulan” soulan09@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: New Chapter 4
OK I rewrote it. Ennis read that first version after I sent it to you and he was kinda pissed off bout the way I treated Matt. He said how could I do that to him after what happened to that kid and didn’t I remember how it broke him (Ennis) up at the time. Yeah I remembered. So he said he wanted me to have myself spend another 24 hours with the guy and do something fun. (But not THAT fun.) Go camping or something. I thought WTF ? Camping ? Seemed like that was pretty damn generous of Ennis since that was always just our thing.
I guess he could tell I was shocked and needed some inspiration to write so he got out the stash and rolled a big joint (we grow our own you know) and put on some music he first heard at your place. So we passed that back and forth a few times and after a minute I started to listen to the words of the song that was playing. Til I Fell in Love With You it was called. Ennis said he never liked this guy much but that all those songs make him think a them bad old days. When I asked which ones he said All a them. Then outta the blue Ennis said he wanted me to teach him to dance the way I did with Lureen when I met her. I said What, you never once did that with Alma way back when? Not even at your wedding? He looked embarrassed and said Nope. We didn’t have music. I didn’t ask him, Why now? He skipped to the next song like he had this one in mind. Then he straightened up and looked at me so I got up and he put his arms around me. I said, No like this and showed him how to get in position (he didn’t even realize he was being the woman and I didn’t clue him in). Then I showed him how to move his feet but all the time I was listening to that song. "Not dark yet but it’s gettin there" it went. He whispered into my ear, Tell me what happened to you Jack. So I told him. And then I could feel him crying a little bit but he said he already figured it out a long time ago, just like you said. But I kept us smoking and pretty soon we were laughing and stepping on each other’s feet so we gave up on the dancing. That song gave me an idea though so I opened the Powerbook and sat down and Ennis sat next to me and I explained my idea and we wrote it together.
So now you gotta clean it up.
This chapter was surprisingly coherent (meaning it made sense) considering the circumstances. I had to fix a lot of things, though. If you don’t mind, I have added something to the last scene in the diner in honor of one of your biggest fans.
How did you know there is a Bluebird Diner on 287 in northern Colorado ? I use to stop there for coffee on the way up to Wyoming. The same waitress always served me all those years but I never knew her name.
CHAPTER 4
"I am so excited to get out of Laramie again. It's been a while."
When Jack heard Matt's cheerful voice behind him and saw his own dusty black truck waiting out front, it was like he came out of a trance. What the hell made him say yes to bringing this guy along with him to Texas? This was not at all the type he would've thought a having for a friend. Except that Jack never had any real friend before this summer so friendship was like the mystery stew Ennis used to have waiting for him at the end of the day. He wasn't sure bout everything that went into it. Course, he was grateful for the food and the bed and the sex but did that mean he had to like the guy, too?
He reached the truck first and opened the passenger side door. Matt pushed a small knapsack and a bigger bundle tied with string into the space behind the seat back.
"What's that?" It looked too much like a bedroll to Jack.
"Sleeping bag. We're gonna be camping, right?"
Matt looked at him with an expression so full of hope that Jack didn't know what to say. He looked down to hide his own face behind his hat and that's when he spotted the rip in the seat upholstery and remembered that big spring waiting down below. It hadn't jumped out when Matt rode over here the day before but if this looked like it was not just a one-shot thing, who knew what his truck might get up to? So he fished the blanket off the floor, folded it and laid it on the seat.
"Sorry, truck's busted up all over," he said, and wondered why Matt smiled. And in that second the time to tell him he'd changed his mind passed, so he was stuck with a companion he never expected to have.
On the edge of town, Jack stopped to gas up.
"It's always an Esso station," Matt said while they waited for the attendant to finish up with another customer.
"Yeah, so?" Jack muttered.
"It's so they can prove that it's 1963."
"Who?"
"Duh! The writers. But it's lost on the European readers cause it's still called Esso over there."
They hadn't even left Laramie and already Jack was feeling antsy. How was he gonna be able to stand the next few hours not to mention days?
"Yeah well you ain't in a story now, lets get that straight!" Jack snapped. "Fill it up regular," he said to the attendant when he came up to the window.
"Yeah right, Jack," Matt said, opening the door. "Be right back. I'm going to buy a few things in there."
Jack watched him in the side mirror as he loped over to the general store next door and heard the bell above the door tinkle as Matt disappeared inside. As soon as they got back on the road he was gonna hafta smoke cause he was feeling riled up. Ever since he came down from the mountains his life was different and not just because of.... It was like he was being shown some other ways he could live his life if only he... did what? He didn't know where he wanted to go in life, only away from Lightning Flat. He was gonna follow the rodeos and dreamed of making it big, whatever that meant. He wanted money and respect. He wanted to make his own way with nobody controlling him or holding him back, always moving forward.
"That'll be $3.63. Sir."
He handed over four bills and when he held out his hand for the change the urge suddenly came on him to just drive away. He looked in the mirror and then imagined Matt standing there watching his truck disappear down the road. Just then the bell tinkled and Matt came out with a grocery sack in his hand. Jack waited until he'd settled back in the cab before he started the engine.
"Got some food to cook over the fire," Matt said.
Jack sighed heavily and pulled onto the road. As soon as the wheel was straight he fished his cigarettes and lighter out of his shirt pocket and lit up. He looked over at Matt and was gonna ask him if he wanted a smoke but decided against it. Matt was wearing a t-shirt and no hat and didn't seem to be bothered by the heat blasting down on his arm which he was holding out the window, letting his hand surf the wind. Jack wondered how he stayed so pale under that hot sun. The thought made his heart suddenly leap up and settle in his throat, blocking the smoke from getting down. He coughed.
When Matt looked at him Jack said, "You'll be all red tonight, you keep doing that."
"Don't worry, I'm impervious to ultraviolet rays," Matt said with a grin.
"Huh?"
"I don't burn easily."
They rode in silence for a while.
"How d'you know bout Esso stations in Europe?" Jack asked finally.
"I went to high school in Switzerland for two years. My dad worked... works for an oil company all over the world so I went to a boarding school. I traveled during the school vacations. Further than around a coffee pot," he added with a smirk.
Jack slowed down and coasted to a stop on the shoulder.
"What's the matter?" Matt asked.
"Gotta ask you something."
"I suppose it is the right moment for an explanation scene."
"Will you stop that!" Jack took a last drag on his cigarette and threw it onto the road. "So am I gonna be famous some day and that's why some people will waste their time writing crazy stories bout my life?"
"Yes, after you... when you're... old... people are going to have fun writing your life as though it went a different way. For... amusement."
"Sounds like Ennis is in 'em.?"
"Yup."
Jack looked away out his window and turned that over in his mind. Should he stop thinking so much bout Ennis right now cause it seemed like he was gonna see him again anyway? Except... he couldn't erase that punch from his memory.
"Will I be famous from bullriding?" he asked hopefully.
"Um, yeah that too."
Jack smiled to himself, looking past Matt at the mountains in the distance. "These stories you been in... how d'you get to where you gotta be?"
"I call up a guy from another fandom and he takes me there."
Another phantom? Jack took a deep breath and thought back to just a few hours earlier, remembering Matt's body against his. Warm.
"What I wanna know is, if you know so much about me and my life, why don't you just tell me what's gonna happen and what mistakes I'm gonna make so I can... so I can not make 'em?"
Matt stared ahead through the windshield. "I met an Indian man once," he said softly, after a moment. "From India, I mean, and he told me they have a saying there: 'My fate is a river. May God grant me a strong boat.'" He looked at Jack. "I can't change the course of the river but maybe I can help you with your boat."
***
Jack had to admit that it helped the time pass to have somebody else riding with him. After they'd gotten back on the road and headed south on 287, they'd shared a Coke and Matt had spent the next hour telling Jack about some of the stories he'd been in. His most important part, as a house painter in California, had also been the strangest.
"There were a few problems with that gig. One, I had to master this weird dialect. Two, I had to marry your sister who was into B&D, which I've always hated. Especially now."
"B and D?"
"She liked to tie me up. On the plus side, she liked the back door so that was cool," Matt said, smiling at Jack, who gripped the steering wheel and stared hard at the white line in the road.
"Three, I couldn't stand the clothes I had to wear or the music we listened to. And I had a dumb nickname. But I did get to hang out in California a long time and even went way, way into the future. Best of all, I spent a lot of time with you, though not the way I would've preferred.
"Oh! Fort Collins!" he suddenly exclaimed, and sat up straight. They had just passed a sign for the town, 20 miles. "I had a gig here. Well, I almost did. Tried to get one."
"Almost?"
"There was this story I was keeping my eye on, hoping the writer would use me. Thought I saw my chance when two doctors came on the scene, a bad one and a good one in a hospital. She hadn't given them first names so I thought there might be hope for the part of the nice doctor. I called up my friend and we redlined it here. I lurked around Fort Collins between chapters trying to get the writer's attention. Big mistake."
"She get kinda testy bout that?" Jack thought he could relate.
"That's an understatement. She sicced a dachshund on me, yelled at me to get the hell away and called me a 'meddling little twerp'."
Jack snorted. "Guess you probly deserved it, tryin a worm your way into a story when you're not needed."
"I guess. But don't you think 'Dr. Matthew Wainwright' has a nice ring to it?"
"So why'd you wanna be that doctor so bad?"
"Cause he was treating Ennis."
"What happened to him?"
"He was fixing the roof of his... of your house and fell off."
"Shit. Was he alright?"
"Eventually."
"So... we were... living together here?"
"Yeah, you were old, like forty, and you both worked for a vet. Ennis looked after the horses and you sold feed and dog food."
Jack stayed silent. Dog food salesman was not the glorious future he imagined for himself. He cleared his throat. "Were we happy?"
"Yeah. It was a good story with a happy ending."
He didn't want to think about what the possibilities were for the future. What he'd had with Ennis would stay on the mountain. It'd showed him what was possible. Now he just had to go find some more of it.
***
"Look! Cache la Poudre Canyon 2 miles! Let's turn there, Jack. It's beautiful. My friend couldn't pick me up right away when I had to leave Fort Collins so I went out there for a few days."
"But I was plannin to go to Denver for-"
"You can't ride now, can you? C'mon, I know a place to camp out."
"I just spent mosta the summer camping."
"Just one night, Jack."
In the end Jack turned right onto the canyon road and Matt was right, it was as beautiful as Brokeback. Even though it was summer they met only one other car as they followed the road that snaked along next to the river with the mountain looking down on them.
After they'd driven about five miles Matt told him to go slow.
"There's a turn in close to here that brings you to a point in the river that's good for swimming," he said, peering up the road. "Maybe that's it by that boulder. There was a sign, but I don't see one now..."
Jack didn't feel up to swimming himself but he turned onto the dirt track anyway. They drove about 50 yards through a stand of firs until they came out into a grassy clearing. He could hear the river beyond and below the masses of brambles beyond the grass.
"Wow, this was a parking area when I was here, which would be like twenty years from now." Matt opened the door and jumped out. He walked to the blackberry bushes then turned and walked a few yards upriver. Jack saw him disappear through a gap and heard him call out "This way!"
Jack got out of the truck but didn't follow cause he was glad to be alone at last. He put his hands on his hips and twisted at the waist to stretch his back muscles. He looked at the mountain rising up on the other side of the river and thought about their last camp site, the one they had left too soon. He shook his head to get rid of that memory and made his way over to the path that led to the river. When reached the water he saw Matt was standing barechested on a wide expanse of flat rock, looking into a deep pool a few feet below it while he unzipped his jeans. He turned and smiled at Jack when he stepped onto the rock platform.
"Last one in!" Matt yelped as he shucked off his pants.
"You go ahead. I can't swim just now," Jack muttered and shrugged his sore shoulder.
Matt dropped his jeans and ran to the edge but instead of flying off he just stopped all a sudden and then made a little hop cause the water was only bout three feet below. Jack heard the splash and then a yell that he knew was cause the water was cold. He walked over to the edge and looked at Matt swimming in the pool like a white fish, his whole body pale with no suntan anywhere, not even his neck. The river beyond the pool was flowing fast and Jack wondered if it would wind up in the Gulf of Mexico.
"When I was here there were kids riding down in inner tubes," Matt said. Jack looked down at him and saw he was standing where the water was only up to his waist, hugging himself and watching Jack. Those black rubber rings were not much protection against the rocks in the river, he thought. It was fun but you couldn't go far like that without getting banged up. But if the boat was too solid it wasn't really a ride, just a journey. What he'd really like to do was paddle a canoe, and not alone.
"So maybe we ought to camp here, Jack." Matt was out of the water, shaking his arms and legs. He climbed back up to where Jack was and sat down, leaning back on his elbows, tipping his face to the sun and sprawling out so he could dry off. Jack sat down too, but not close. He tried to come up with a reason not to stay there that night but couldn't find one. They remained in uncompaniable silence for some time, Jack not sharing his thoughts but letting them flow safely away.
"I'm going to tell you something I shouldn't," Matt said softly, breaking the silence. "It's not my place but I'm going to be reckless." He lay down flat on his back with his hands under his head. Jack waited and said nothing.
"When Ennis was nine his father took him and his brother to see a dead man in a ditch," Matt said in a rush. "It was a guy who lived with another man on a ranch. They were together. He'd been beaten and dragged to death." After a pause he added, "That's why Ennis punched you."
It took a moment for the words to link up to images in Jack's mind. When they finally did, his thoughts jerked forward again and again - to his truck, down the highway, to some ranch, into a barn, grab Ennis and say- but then came a punch, and he was back on the ground on his ass. Up once more and try again, on the road, to a town, knock on his door, throw his arms around- bam! He bowed his head and tried to think his way around that fist but could never get past it. He glanced over at Matt and the sight of his smooth, white body laid out on the rock brought back the memory of a time, only a few years ago, when he thought he was the only boy in the world living with this unnamed feeling. He bet Ennis had felt something similar. But he hadn't gotten past the man in the ditch, and maybe he never would.
"When did you know?" he said suddenly.
"You mean when did I realize..." Matt shielded his eyes and looked at Jack. "It wasn't the same for me because things were different... I knew what to call it as soon as I felt it. It'll be more out in the open someday, Jack. Yes, really. But... some things... won't change everywhere."
***
"It's time to build a fire, Jack. How bout this spot?" Matt ran back and forth to the edge of the river, lugging big, smooth stones that he placed in a circle. Jack leaned on his truck and smoked, watching the shadows lengthen and Matt build a fire ring, feeling tired out by his enthusiasm.
When the circle was complete Matt straightened up and looked over at Jack. "Well? How's it look?"
Jack walked over and studied the rocks. He put his cigarette between his lips and then bent to turn over one of the stones onto a different side and push another two closer together.
"There ya go," he muttered. "So now you gotta get some wood."
"Ha ha, you can help me with that... OK, forget it," Matt added quickly and headed for the stand of firs.
Shit. Jack felt bad about rejecting him but there was just no spark there. After a minute, he walked over to where Matt had disappeared.
They gathered enough firewood to last the evening, though Matt would've continued scurrying around collecting more if Jack hadn't said Enough. Then Jack showed him how to get a blaze going. They rolled a dead tree trunk over to sit on.
"So what's on the menu tonight?" Jack asked.
"Don't worry, no beans," Matt replied as he reached for the grocery bag. He pulled out a pack of hot dogs and held it up. "I would've gotten steak but I knew we wouldn't have a grill to put it on."
"Oh." Jack guessed he couldn't be choosey, and it wasn't like he hadn't eaten the same food over and over all summer. Now it was just different same food.
"Don't worry, I got beer too," Matt said and pulled out a large bottle of beer and held it up. "Colt 45 just came out a few months ago. I should bring the bottle back with me."
Next he reached behind the log and brought out two long, thin, straight sticks. From his pocket he pulled a fat red folding knife with many blades and opened out the biggest one. "You and Ennis would've found this real useful up on the mountain. See, it has a bottle opener, a can opener, scissors, a file... even tweezers and a toothpick." Jack took it from him and fingered the different tools. He bet it was expensive. He and Ennis had each had a plain folding knife and that had been enough. Still, he imagined making Ennis a gift of one... someday when he was rich.
Matt sharpened one end of each stick and handed one to Jack, then slit open the pack of hot dogs. Soon they each had two dogs speared on a stick that they held over the flames. They ate them slathered with ketchup on the soft, squishy buns and swigged from the bottle of "malt liquor", as it said on the label. Matt plied Jack with questions about bullriding, and told him about his travels in Europe. When the sun began slipping behind the mountain, Matt went to the truck and brought out the old blanket and his own sleeping bag, which he unzipped and spread out in front of the fire. Jack was feeling pleasantly mellow and didn't mind that Matt lay down close to him after he'd stretched out on his back.
"I'm gonna do something for you that Ennis never did," said Matt quietly. "Close your eyes while I get something ready."
As he closed them Jack noticed Matt reach for the sharpened stick. Fuck. He hoped this wasn't going to hurt, and said so.
"Don’t worry,” came the soft reply.
Jack listened to Matt rustling in the paper bag and tried to think of things Ennis never did for him. It was a very short list, but he wondered about the possibilities. He had the feeling that there were a lot things neither of them knew about, that Matt might know.
"Open your mouth, Jack."
He parted his lips.
"Wider, and let's see some tongue."
He felt something soft and warm settle on his tongue. Soft and warm and sweet and... charred. He opened his eyes and closed his mouth on the goo, which tasted slightly of vanilla and burnt sugar. Matt was leaning over him and grinning.
"What is this?" he said after he'd swallowed.
"You've never had a marshmallow, Jack?" Matt looked shocked. "Your childhood was even more deprived than I thought."
Jack said nothing and looked past him, at the single planet in the purple sky. After a few seconds Matt sat up and put two marshmallows on a stick, which he propped against a rock to toast in the flames while he rummaged again in the paper sack. Jack thought about his mother's cake until Matt nudged his arm.
"Sit up and taste this."
After he had struggled upright, Matt held out to him a kind of sandwich of two graham crackers, white and dark brown sludge seeping from between them. "Quick, eat it before it drips everywhere."
Jack took a bite and couldn't help letting out a little moan. "Damn...this is like... like a blowjob in reverse." He bit and licked and chewed and swallowed and licked some more until it was finished and then he sucked his fingertips. "Any more a that?" he asked hopefully.
Matt showed Jack how to toast two more marshmallows until they were evenly brown while he laid squares of chocolate on a cracker. When they’d finished eating the second round, Jack was ready for some whiskey to cut the sweetness but was disappointed, and surprised, that Matt had neglected to buy any.
"I've got something just as good," Matt said, throwing a few sticks on the fire. "Brought it back from California. You just lie down."
Jack lay back and listened to Matt go to the truck and come back after less than a minute. Matt sat on the log and started fiddling with cigarette papers. Jack was about to reach for the pack of Marlboros in his own shirt pocket when he heard the scratch of a match. Smoke drifted past his nose a few seconds later and it didn’t smell like any brand he knew. Matt lay down next to him, propped on an elbow, and leaned over him. His face came toward Jack's and he thought Matt wanted to kiss him. Oh what the hell.
But when he parted his lips and Matt put his mouth to Jack's, it wasn't a kiss he felt but smokey breath filling his lungs. The harshness of it made him cough.
"Just inhale slowly when I breath out, Jack, then hold it in as long as you can."
Jack did as he was told, breathing in when Matt blew gently into his mouth. It felt even more intimate than Ennis bringing Jack's hand to his mouth to take a drag on Jack's cigarette, something that had always thrilled him. He wondered what Ennis would think of this. Another breath, and he was feeling funny.
"What kinda tobacco is this?" he murmured. The river sounded loud, and more stars were appearing above them.
Matt pressed closer and Jack watched the orange ember swoop up to his face and away in a glowing arc. This time he let his lips brush Jack’s before he blew the smoke down his windpipe. "You'll find out someday," he said. Then he frowned.
"I think I shouldn't have told you about Ennis earlier," Matt said slowly. "I might have messed things up."
"Already messed up," Jack mumbled.
Matt pulled back and stared at Jack for a long moment. Then he reached for Jack's right hand and pressed his thumb and index finger together to make them pinch the smoking butt. He rolled away and got to his feet. "I'm gonna put on some music that Ennis would want you to hear," he said, heading toward the truck. "It's on the last album I listened to before..." Matt’s voice trailed off as he reached into the cab through the window and twisted the knob on the radio that had never worked since Jack had owned the truck. Jack sat up abruptly, stunned to hear clanging blues chords burst out into the night. Matt spun away from the pickup, snapping his fingers. He dipped and snatched a pine cone from the ground, holding it to his lips like a microphone as he swayed in the firelight.
Well my nerves are exploding, and my body's tense
Feels like the whole world got me pinned up against a fence.
His eyes were squeezed shut and he wagged his head from side to side; Jack snorted once, his mouth hanging open in dizzy perplexity to see this skinny kid mouthing the words being sung by an old, low raspy voice that sounded vaguely familiar.
I been HIT too hard I SEEN too much
Nothing can HEAL me now but yoouurr touch
Matt was slinking and bopping round the fire, snapping his fingers, sometimes glancing at Jack but mainly lost to the beat. buh bumpity bumpity bumpbaaah buh bum bum bum
I don't know what I'm gonna do
I was ALright before I fell in looovve with you.
Jack fixed his eyes on the flames, mesmerized by the sparks flying up, as Matt sang into the pine cone and danced in a wide circle in his peripheral vision. When I'm gooonnne you will remember my naaame I'm gonna WIN my way to wealth and fame Still I don't know what I'm gonna do I was ALright till I fell in love with you. Didn't he tell Ennis he loved him once? No... that was the not-Ennis that he held in his arms the other night, the one who'd made him think for one evening that he could find Ennis and... It was better to forget it, just forget it. Look at that guy, jumpin around and singin like… like he could make him forget…Wait... forget what? What was he just thinking about? He realized the music had stopped and now Matt was bending over him. No, it was just a pause in the music, which started again but different, slower. "C'mon, I'll teach you how to slow dance. You'll need to know when you get to Texas." Matt was pulling his hands and he floated up on his rubbery legs. "Put your hat on." Suddenly his Resistol was on his head and a hand was on his shoulder. "Hold onto my waist." His left hand was there on Matt's belt, and his right one was being clasped by another. "Step to the side... then forward.... then to this side... watch out for my toes…step, two, three, four.... step, two, three, four..." Shadows are falling and I been here all day It's too hard to sleep and time is runnin away. Feels like my soul has tuuurrrned into steel. I still have the scars that the suuun in me heals.... step, two, three, four... Someone told him about a dead man in a ditch. What happened to the one left behind? Well I've been to London and I've been to Gaaay Pareeee I followed the river and I got to the sea step, two, three, four....Had he been thinking about Ennis again? That had to stop. Because Ennis had shown him with his fist that love… I was born here and I’ll die here against my will. It might look like I’m movin but I’m staaaandin stilllll Tomorrow he would follow the river back to that town and on down to Texas, because someone once said that was the place he ought to be.
******** You can listen to Til I Fell in Love With You and Not Dark Yet here ********
Jack woke at dawn from the birds making a racket in the trees and the river’s muttering. He was surprised to feel the heat of the fire at his back but then he realized it was Ennis curled around him and his eyes flew open. They were tangled up in a blanket and a sleeping bag in front of the cold ashes. But it wasn’t Ennis.
They rose without saying a word, threw the bedding and the food in the truck and headed back down river to Fort Collins. On the outskirts of town Matt told him to pull up in front of the Bluebird Diner.
"This place has been here for ages and will be in business for at least another three decades," he told Jack.
Matt led the way into the diner, a long narrow room lined with booths on the window side. It was full of working men at that early hour. All the tables were taken except the one nearest the door, where a waitress wearing a dark blue skirt and a light blue blouse stood idle, resting the fingertips of one hand on the formica top like she was daring anybody to sit there. She was an older woman, old enough to retire, but her brown hair had no gray in it and her brown eyes were bright and alert. She was facing the doorway but gazing into the middle distance as if listening and waiting. When Matt noticed her he stopped suddenly and Jack nearly stumbled into him.
"Hi Carole."
The waitress switched her focus to him and knit her brows. Then her eyes widened.
"Matt! Hey kiddo, I didn't recognize you," she laughed, a deep gravelly sound that reminded Jack of shallow river rapids. "C'mere and gimme a hug." She held her arms out and Matt walked into them, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She hugged him tightly, her eyes squeezed shut. Her whole being seemed to pulse with life. When they pulled apart she put her hand up to Matt's face and studied him.
"You're not in a story? Don't tell me you're back in this town hoping for a trilogy," she chuckled.
"Actually, I get to be the real me this time," Matt said. "And look who I brought." He turned his head and nodded at Jack.
Carole beamed and playfully shoved Matt away with one hand. "Let me at ‘im! Jack, I should've known it wasn't little Matt I was waiting for!" She advanced on Jack with her arms open wide but Matt put a hand on her shoulder.
"He's the first one," he said in a loud whisper.
Carole stopped and smiled broadly at Jack, who touched his hat and nodded "Howdy ma'am."
She extended her hand and when he took it to shake she squeezed his in both of hers. He felt warmth spread up his arm to his chest as she maintained her grip.
"Are you heading for Texas or coming back?" she asked.
"Uh... goin, I guess."
"Oh, that's a shame. Listen, promise you don't let four years go by before you come back this way, you hear? But you and I will meet again many, many times." She released his hand and squeezed his shoulder. "Sit down and I'll bring you some coffee. Milk no sugar, right?
"Sorry, baby," she added, turning to Matt. "The coffee won't improve here for at least twenty years, you know."
"That's OK Carole. Weak coffee won't kill me," Matt said as the two of them slid into the booth. She frowned at his words, then ruffled his hair before walking away.
"Who is she?" Jack asked.
"Carole is in every story in which you drive along Route 287. Even if it's not written, you stop for coffee here and she's your waitress," Matt explained.
"So you're sayin-" Jack began, but Matt suddenly sat up straight.
"Listen. Do you hear that?"
Jack watched Matt's face as he strained to hear above the clink of cutlery and low murmur of the diners. Somewhere outside he could detect a whooshing sound and then thunka thunka thunka.
"That a delivery truck or somethin?" Jack ventured but from Matt's expression he realized that was unlikely. He looked like a dog locked in a house who's heard the key turn in the front door. His eyes were trained on the entrance. Jack heard the door open and saw Matt's eyes widen in surprise.
"Oh my god, it's... Jack!" he whispered.
The rest of the story >>>>
;
From: “Soulan”
Date: February 9, 2009 6:29:02 AM CHT
To: “Jack Twist” jacknasty@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 4
I noticed you didn’t reply to any of the comments on Chapter 3, Jack, even though some were directed at you. And since you’ve sent Chapter 4 without even a hello, can I assume you’re upset ? It wasn’t my idea to saddle you with Matt at the end of the last chapter - Ennis insisted. It was pretty mean to ditch Matt at that gas station at the Wyoming border. Doesn’t seem very in character for you OR the AU version of you.
Yeah well I was pretty pissed bout having to deal with the Matt character in this chapter. But after I sent it to you Ennis persuaded me to keep him in the story a little longer and even suggested a kind way to get rid of him in the middle of Colorado.
From: “Jack Nasty”
Date: February 23, 2009 6:29:02 AM CHT
To: “Soulan” soulan09@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: New Chapter 4
OK I rewrote it. Ennis read that first version after I sent it to you and he was kinda pissed off bout the way I treated Matt. He said how could I do that to him after what happened to that kid and didn’t I remember how it broke him (Ennis) up at the time. Yeah I remembered. So he said he wanted me to have myself spend another 24 hours with the guy and do something fun. (But not THAT fun.) Go camping or something. I thought WTF ? Camping ? Seemed like that was pretty damn generous of Ennis since that was always just our thing.
I guess he could tell I was shocked and needed some inspiration to write so he got out the stash and rolled a big joint (we grow our own you know) and put on some music he first heard at your place. So we passed that back and forth a few times and after a minute I started to listen to the words of the song that was playing. Til I Fell in Love With You it was called. Ennis said he never liked this guy much but that all those songs make him think a them bad old days. When I asked which ones he said All a them. Then outta the blue Ennis said he wanted me to teach him to dance the way I did with Lureen when I met her. I said What, you never once did that with Alma way back when? Not even at your wedding? He looked embarrassed and said Nope. We didn’t have music. I didn’t ask him, Why now? He skipped to the next song like he had this one in mind. Then he straightened up and looked at me so I got up and he put his arms around me. I said, No like this and showed him how to get in position (he didn’t even realize he was being the woman and I didn’t clue him in). Then I showed him how to move his feet but all the time I was listening to that song. "Not dark yet but it’s gettin there" it went. He whispered into my ear, Tell me what happened to you Jack. So I told him. And then I could feel him crying a little bit but he said he already figured it out a long time ago, just like you said. But I kept us smoking and pretty soon we were laughing and stepping on each other’s feet so we gave up on the dancing. That song gave me an idea though so I opened the Powerbook and sat down and Ennis sat next to me and I explained my idea and we wrote it together.
So now you gotta clean it up.
This chapter was surprisingly coherent (meaning it made sense) considering the circumstances. I had to fix a lot of things, though. If you don’t mind, I have added something to the last scene in the diner in honor of one of your biggest fans.
How did you know there is a Bluebird Diner on 287 in northern Colorado ? I use to stop there for coffee on the way up to Wyoming. The same waitress always served me all those years but I never knew her name.
CHAPTER 4
"I am so excited to get out of Laramie again. It's been a while."
When Jack heard Matt's cheerful voice behind him and saw his own dusty black truck waiting out front, it was like he came out of a trance. What the hell made him say yes to bringing this guy along with him to Texas? This was not at all the type he would've thought a having for a friend. Except that Jack never had any real friend before this summer so friendship was like the mystery stew Ennis used to have waiting for him at the end of the day. He wasn't sure bout everything that went into it. Course, he was grateful for the food and the bed and the sex but did that mean he had to like the guy, too?
He reached the truck first and opened the passenger side door. Matt pushed a small knapsack and a bigger bundle tied with string into the space behind the seat back.
"What's that?" It looked too much like a bedroll to Jack.
"Sleeping bag. We're gonna be camping, right?"
Matt looked at him with an expression so full of hope that Jack didn't know what to say. He looked down to hide his own face behind his hat and that's when he spotted the rip in the seat upholstery and remembered that big spring waiting down below. It hadn't jumped out when Matt rode over here the day before but if this looked like it was not just a one-shot thing, who knew what his truck might get up to? So he fished the blanket off the floor, folded it and laid it on the seat.
"Sorry, truck's busted up all over," he said, and wondered why Matt smiled. And in that second the time to tell him he'd changed his mind passed, so he was stuck with a companion he never expected to have.
On the edge of town, Jack stopped to gas up.
"It's always an Esso station," Matt said while they waited for the attendant to finish up with another customer.
"Yeah, so?" Jack muttered.
"It's so they can prove that it's 1963."
"Who?"
"Duh! The writers. But it's lost on the European readers cause it's still called Esso over there."
They hadn't even left Laramie and already Jack was feeling antsy. How was he gonna be able to stand the next few hours not to mention days?
"Yeah well you ain't in a story now, lets get that straight!" Jack snapped. "Fill it up regular," he said to the attendant when he came up to the window.
"Yeah right, Jack," Matt said, opening the door. "Be right back. I'm going to buy a few things in there."
Jack watched him in the side mirror as he loped over to the general store next door and heard the bell above the door tinkle as Matt disappeared inside. As soon as they got back on the road he was gonna hafta smoke cause he was feeling riled up. Ever since he came down from the mountains his life was different and not just because of.... It was like he was being shown some other ways he could live his life if only he... did what? He didn't know where he wanted to go in life, only away from Lightning Flat. He was gonna follow the rodeos and dreamed of making it big, whatever that meant. He wanted money and respect. He wanted to make his own way with nobody controlling him or holding him back, always moving forward.
"That'll be $3.63. Sir."
He handed over four bills and when he held out his hand for the change the urge suddenly came on him to just drive away. He looked in the mirror and then imagined Matt standing there watching his truck disappear down the road. Just then the bell tinkled and Matt came out with a grocery sack in his hand. Jack waited until he'd settled back in the cab before he started the engine.
"Got some food to cook over the fire," Matt said.
Jack sighed heavily and pulled onto the road. As soon as the wheel was straight he fished his cigarettes and lighter out of his shirt pocket and lit up. He looked over at Matt and was gonna ask him if he wanted a smoke but decided against it. Matt was wearing a t-shirt and no hat and didn't seem to be bothered by the heat blasting down on his arm which he was holding out the window, letting his hand surf the wind. Jack wondered how he stayed so pale under that hot sun. The thought made his heart suddenly leap up and settle in his throat, blocking the smoke from getting down. He coughed.
When Matt looked at him Jack said, "You'll be all red tonight, you keep doing that."
"Don't worry, I'm impervious to ultraviolet rays," Matt said with a grin.
"Huh?"
"I don't burn easily."
They rode in silence for a while.
"How d'you know bout Esso stations in Europe?" Jack asked finally.
"I went to high school in Switzerland for two years. My dad worked... works for an oil company all over the world so I went to a boarding school. I traveled during the school vacations. Further than around a coffee pot," he added with a smirk.
Jack slowed down and coasted to a stop on the shoulder.
"What's the matter?" Matt asked.
"Gotta ask you something."
"I suppose it is the right moment for an explanation scene."
"Will you stop that!" Jack took a last drag on his cigarette and threw it onto the road. "So am I gonna be famous some day and that's why some people will waste their time writing crazy stories bout my life?"
"Yes, after you... when you're... old... people are going to have fun writing your life as though it went a different way. For... amusement."
"Sounds like Ennis is in 'em.?"
"Yup."
Jack looked away out his window and turned that over in his mind. Should he stop thinking so much bout Ennis right now cause it seemed like he was gonna see him again anyway? Except... he couldn't erase that punch from his memory.
"Will I be famous from bullriding?" he asked hopefully.
"Um, yeah that too."
Jack smiled to himself, looking past Matt at the mountains in the distance. "These stories you been in... how d'you get to where you gotta be?"
"I call up a guy from another fandom and he takes me there."
Another phantom? Jack took a deep breath and thought back to just a few hours earlier, remembering Matt's body against his. Warm.
"What I wanna know is, if you know so much about me and my life, why don't you just tell me what's gonna happen and what mistakes I'm gonna make so I can... so I can not make 'em?"
Matt stared ahead through the windshield. "I met an Indian man once," he said softly, after a moment. "From India, I mean, and he told me they have a saying there: 'My fate is a river. May God grant me a strong boat.'" He looked at Jack. "I can't change the course of the river but maybe I can help you with your boat."
***
Jack had to admit that it helped the time pass to have somebody else riding with him. After they'd gotten back on the road and headed south on 287, they'd shared a Coke and Matt had spent the next hour telling Jack about some of the stories he'd been in. His most important part, as a house painter in California, had also been the strangest.
"There were a few problems with that gig. One, I had to master this weird dialect. Two, I had to marry your sister who was into B&D, which I've always hated. Especially now."
"B and D?"
"She liked to tie me up. On the plus side, she liked the back door so that was cool," Matt said, smiling at Jack, who gripped the steering wheel and stared hard at the white line in the road.
"Three, I couldn't stand the clothes I had to wear or the music we listened to. And I had a dumb nickname. But I did get to hang out in California a long time and even went way, way into the future. Best of all, I spent a lot of time with you, though not the way I would've preferred.
"Oh! Fort Collins!" he suddenly exclaimed, and sat up straight. They had just passed a sign for the town, 20 miles. "I had a gig here. Well, I almost did. Tried to get one."
"Almost?"
"There was this story I was keeping my eye on, hoping the writer would use me. Thought I saw my chance when two doctors came on the scene, a bad one and a good one in a hospital. She hadn't given them first names so I thought there might be hope for the part of the nice doctor. I called up my friend and we redlined it here. I lurked around Fort Collins between chapters trying to get the writer's attention. Big mistake."
"She get kinda testy bout that?" Jack thought he could relate.
"That's an understatement. She sicced a dachshund on me, yelled at me to get the hell away and called me a 'meddling little twerp'."
Jack snorted. "Guess you probly deserved it, tryin a worm your way into a story when you're not needed."
"I guess. But don't you think 'Dr. Matthew Wainwright' has a nice ring to it?"
"So why'd you wanna be that doctor so bad?"
"Cause he was treating Ennis."
"What happened to him?"
"He was fixing the roof of his... of your house and fell off."
"Shit. Was he alright?"
"Eventually."
"So... we were... living together here?"
"Yeah, you were old, like forty, and you both worked for a vet. Ennis looked after the horses and you sold feed and dog food."
Jack stayed silent. Dog food salesman was not the glorious future he imagined for himself. He cleared his throat. "Were we happy?"
"Yeah. It was a good story with a happy ending."
He didn't want to think about what the possibilities were for the future. What he'd had with Ennis would stay on the mountain. It'd showed him what was possible. Now he just had to go find some more of it.
***
"Look! Cache la Poudre Canyon 2 miles! Let's turn there, Jack. It's beautiful. My friend couldn't pick me up right away when I had to leave Fort Collins so I went out there for a few days."
"But I was plannin to go to Denver for-"
"You can't ride now, can you? C'mon, I know a place to camp out."
"I just spent mosta the summer camping."
"Just one night, Jack."
In the end Jack turned right onto the canyon road and Matt was right, it was as beautiful as Brokeback. Even though it was summer they met only one other car as they followed the road that snaked along next to the river with the mountain looking down on them.
After they'd driven about five miles Matt told him to go slow.
"There's a turn in close to here that brings you to a point in the river that's good for swimming," he said, peering up the road. "Maybe that's it by that boulder. There was a sign, but I don't see one now..."
Jack didn't feel up to swimming himself but he turned onto the dirt track anyway. They drove about 50 yards through a stand of firs until they came out into a grassy clearing. He could hear the river beyond and below the masses of brambles beyond the grass.
"Wow, this was a parking area when I was here, which would be like twenty years from now." Matt opened the door and jumped out. He walked to the blackberry bushes then turned and walked a few yards upriver. Jack saw him disappear through a gap and heard him call out "This way!"
Jack got out of the truck but didn't follow cause he was glad to be alone at last. He put his hands on his hips and twisted at the waist to stretch his back muscles. He looked at the mountain rising up on the other side of the river and thought about their last camp site, the one they had left too soon. He shook his head to get rid of that memory and made his way over to the path that led to the river. When reached the water he saw Matt was standing barechested on a wide expanse of flat rock, looking into a deep pool a few feet below it while he unzipped his jeans. He turned and smiled at Jack when he stepped onto the rock platform.
"Last one in!" Matt yelped as he shucked off his pants.
"You go ahead. I can't swim just now," Jack muttered and shrugged his sore shoulder.
Matt dropped his jeans and ran to the edge but instead of flying off he just stopped all a sudden and then made a little hop cause the water was only bout three feet below. Jack heard the splash and then a yell that he knew was cause the water was cold. He walked over to the edge and looked at Matt swimming in the pool like a white fish, his whole body pale with no suntan anywhere, not even his neck. The river beyond the pool was flowing fast and Jack wondered if it would wind up in the Gulf of Mexico.
"When I was here there were kids riding down in inner tubes," Matt said. Jack looked down at him and saw he was standing where the water was only up to his waist, hugging himself and watching Jack. Those black rubber rings were not much protection against the rocks in the river, he thought. It was fun but you couldn't go far like that without getting banged up. But if the boat was too solid it wasn't really a ride, just a journey. What he'd really like to do was paddle a canoe, and not alone.
"So maybe we ought to camp here, Jack." Matt was out of the water, shaking his arms and legs. He climbed back up to where Jack was and sat down, leaning back on his elbows, tipping his face to the sun and sprawling out so he could dry off. Jack sat down too, but not close. He tried to come up with a reason not to stay there that night but couldn't find one. They remained in uncompaniable silence for some time, Jack not sharing his thoughts but letting them flow safely away.
"I'm going to tell you something I shouldn't," Matt said softly, breaking the silence. "It's not my place but I'm going to be reckless." He lay down flat on his back with his hands under his head. Jack waited and said nothing.
"When Ennis was nine his father took him and his brother to see a dead man in a ditch," Matt said in a rush. "It was a guy who lived with another man on a ranch. They were together. He'd been beaten and dragged to death." After a pause he added, "That's why Ennis punched you."
It took a moment for the words to link up to images in Jack's mind. When they finally did, his thoughts jerked forward again and again - to his truck, down the highway, to some ranch, into a barn, grab Ennis and say- but then came a punch, and he was back on the ground on his ass. Up once more and try again, on the road, to a town, knock on his door, throw his arms around- bam! He bowed his head and tried to think his way around that fist but could never get past it. He glanced over at Matt and the sight of his smooth, white body laid out on the rock brought back the memory of a time, only a few years ago, when he thought he was the only boy in the world living with this unnamed feeling. He bet Ennis had felt something similar. But he hadn't gotten past the man in the ditch, and maybe he never would.
"When did you know?" he said suddenly.
"You mean when did I realize..." Matt shielded his eyes and looked at Jack. "It wasn't the same for me because things were different... I knew what to call it as soon as I felt it. It'll be more out in the open someday, Jack. Yes, really. But... some things... won't change everywhere."
***
"It's time to build a fire, Jack. How bout this spot?" Matt ran back and forth to the edge of the river, lugging big, smooth stones that he placed in a circle. Jack leaned on his truck and smoked, watching the shadows lengthen and Matt build a fire ring, feeling tired out by his enthusiasm.
When the circle was complete Matt straightened up and looked over at Jack. "Well? How's it look?"
Jack walked over and studied the rocks. He put his cigarette between his lips and then bent to turn over one of the stones onto a different side and push another two closer together.
"There ya go," he muttered. "So now you gotta get some wood."
"Ha ha, you can help me with that... OK, forget it," Matt added quickly and headed for the stand of firs.
Shit. Jack felt bad about rejecting him but there was just no spark there. After a minute, he walked over to where Matt had disappeared.
They gathered enough firewood to last the evening, though Matt would've continued scurrying around collecting more if Jack hadn't said Enough. Then Jack showed him how to get a blaze going. They rolled a dead tree trunk over to sit on.
"So what's on the menu tonight?" Jack asked.
"Don't worry, no beans," Matt replied as he reached for the grocery bag. He pulled out a pack of hot dogs and held it up. "I would've gotten steak but I knew we wouldn't have a grill to put it on."
"Oh." Jack guessed he couldn't be choosey, and it wasn't like he hadn't eaten the same food over and over all summer. Now it was just different same food.
"Don't worry, I got beer too," Matt said and pulled out a large bottle of beer and held it up. "Colt 45 just came out a few months ago. I should bring the bottle back with me."
Next he reached behind the log and brought out two long, thin, straight sticks. From his pocket he pulled a fat red folding knife with many blades and opened out the biggest one. "You and Ennis would've found this real useful up on the mountain. See, it has a bottle opener, a can opener, scissors, a file... even tweezers and a toothpick." Jack took it from him and fingered the different tools. He bet it was expensive. He and Ennis had each had a plain folding knife and that had been enough. Still, he imagined making Ennis a gift of one... someday when he was rich.
Matt sharpened one end of each stick and handed one to Jack, then slit open the pack of hot dogs. Soon they each had two dogs speared on a stick that they held over the flames. They ate them slathered with ketchup on the soft, squishy buns and swigged from the bottle of "malt liquor", as it said on the label. Matt plied Jack with questions about bullriding, and told him about his travels in Europe. When the sun began slipping behind the mountain, Matt went to the truck and brought out the old blanket and his own sleeping bag, which he unzipped and spread out in front of the fire. Jack was feeling pleasantly mellow and didn't mind that Matt lay down close to him after he'd stretched out on his back.
"I'm gonna do something for you that Ennis never did," said Matt quietly. "Close your eyes while I get something ready."
As he closed them Jack noticed Matt reach for the sharpened stick. Fuck. He hoped this wasn't going to hurt, and said so.
"Don’t worry,” came the soft reply.
Jack listened to Matt rustling in the paper bag and tried to think of things Ennis never did for him. It was a very short list, but he wondered about the possibilities. He had the feeling that there were a lot things neither of them knew about, that Matt might know.
"Open your mouth, Jack."
He parted his lips.
"Wider, and let's see some tongue."
He felt something soft and warm settle on his tongue. Soft and warm and sweet and... charred. He opened his eyes and closed his mouth on the goo, which tasted slightly of vanilla and burnt sugar. Matt was leaning over him and grinning.
"What is this?" he said after he'd swallowed.
"You've never had a marshmallow, Jack?" Matt looked shocked. "Your childhood was even more deprived than I thought."
Jack said nothing and looked past him, at the single planet in the purple sky. After a few seconds Matt sat up and put two marshmallows on a stick, which he propped against a rock to toast in the flames while he rummaged again in the paper sack. Jack thought about his mother's cake until Matt nudged his arm.
"Sit up and taste this."
After he had struggled upright, Matt held out to him a kind of sandwich of two graham crackers, white and dark brown sludge seeping from between them. "Quick, eat it before it drips everywhere."
Jack took a bite and couldn't help letting out a little moan. "Damn...this is like... like a blowjob in reverse." He bit and licked and chewed and swallowed and licked some more until it was finished and then he sucked his fingertips. "Any more a that?" he asked hopefully.
Matt showed Jack how to toast two more marshmallows until they were evenly brown while he laid squares of chocolate on a cracker. When they’d finished eating the second round, Jack was ready for some whiskey to cut the sweetness but was disappointed, and surprised, that Matt had neglected to buy any.
"I've got something just as good," Matt said, throwing a few sticks on the fire. "Brought it back from California. You just lie down."
Jack lay back and listened to Matt go to the truck and come back after less than a minute. Matt sat on the log and started fiddling with cigarette papers. Jack was about to reach for the pack of Marlboros in his own shirt pocket when he heard the scratch of a match. Smoke drifted past his nose a few seconds later and it didn’t smell like any brand he knew. Matt lay down next to him, propped on an elbow, and leaned over him. His face came toward Jack's and he thought Matt wanted to kiss him. Oh what the hell.
But when he parted his lips and Matt put his mouth to Jack's, it wasn't a kiss he felt but smokey breath filling his lungs. The harshness of it made him cough.
"Just inhale slowly when I breath out, Jack, then hold it in as long as you can."
Jack did as he was told, breathing in when Matt blew gently into his mouth. It felt even more intimate than Ennis bringing Jack's hand to his mouth to take a drag on Jack's cigarette, something that had always thrilled him. He wondered what Ennis would think of this. Another breath, and he was feeling funny.
"What kinda tobacco is this?" he murmured. The river sounded loud, and more stars were appearing above them.
Matt pressed closer and Jack watched the orange ember swoop up to his face and away in a glowing arc. This time he let his lips brush Jack’s before he blew the smoke down his windpipe. "You'll find out someday," he said. Then he frowned.
"I think I shouldn't have told you about Ennis earlier," Matt said slowly. "I might have messed things up."
"Already messed up," Jack mumbled.
Matt pulled back and stared at Jack for a long moment. Then he reached for Jack's right hand and pressed his thumb and index finger together to make them pinch the smoking butt. He rolled away and got to his feet. "I'm gonna put on some music that Ennis would want you to hear," he said, heading toward the truck. "It's on the last album I listened to before..." Matt’s voice trailed off as he reached into the cab through the window and twisted the knob on the radio that had never worked since Jack had owned the truck. Jack sat up abruptly, stunned to hear clanging blues chords burst out into the night. Matt spun away from the pickup, snapping his fingers. He dipped and snatched a pine cone from the ground, holding it to his lips like a microphone as he swayed in the firelight.
Well my nerves are exploding, and my body's tense
Feels like the whole world got me pinned up against a fence.
His eyes were squeezed shut and he wagged his head from side to side; Jack snorted once, his mouth hanging open in dizzy perplexity to see this skinny kid mouthing the words being sung by an old, low raspy voice that sounded vaguely familiar.
I been HIT too hard I SEEN too much
Nothing can HEAL me now but yoouurr touch
Matt was slinking and bopping round the fire, snapping his fingers, sometimes glancing at Jack but mainly lost to the beat. buh bumpity bumpity bumpbaaah buh bum bum bum
I don't know what I'm gonna do
I was ALright before I fell in looovve with you.
Jack fixed his eyes on the flames, mesmerized by the sparks flying up, as Matt sang into the pine cone and danced in a wide circle in his peripheral vision. When I'm gooonnne you will remember my naaame I'm gonna WIN my way to wealth and fame Still I don't know what I'm gonna do I was ALright till I fell in love with you. Didn't he tell Ennis he loved him once? No... that was the not-Ennis that he held in his arms the other night, the one who'd made him think for one evening that he could find Ennis and... It was better to forget it, just forget it. Look at that guy, jumpin around and singin like… like he could make him forget…Wait... forget what? What was he just thinking about? He realized the music had stopped and now Matt was bending over him. No, it was just a pause in the music, which started again but different, slower. "C'mon, I'll teach you how to slow dance. You'll need to know when you get to Texas." Matt was pulling his hands and he floated up on his rubbery legs. "Put your hat on." Suddenly his Resistol was on his head and a hand was on his shoulder. "Hold onto my waist." His left hand was there on Matt's belt, and his right one was being clasped by another. "Step to the side... then forward.... then to this side... watch out for my toes…step, two, three, four.... step, two, three, four..." Shadows are falling and I been here all day It's too hard to sleep and time is runnin away. Feels like my soul has tuuurrrned into steel. I still have the scars that the suuun in me heals.... step, two, three, four... Someone told him about a dead man in a ditch. What happened to the one left behind? Well I've been to London and I've been to Gaaay Pareeee I followed the river and I got to the sea step, two, three, four....Had he been thinking about Ennis again? That had to stop. Because Ennis had shown him with his fist that love… I was born here and I’ll die here against my will. It might look like I’m movin but I’m staaaandin stilllll Tomorrow he would follow the river back to that town and on down to Texas, because someone once said that was the place he ought to be.
******** You can listen to Til I Fell in Love With You and Not Dark Yet here ********
Jack woke at dawn from the birds making a racket in the trees and the river’s muttering. He was surprised to feel the heat of the fire at his back but then he realized it was Ennis curled around him and his eyes flew open. They were tangled up in a blanket and a sleeping bag in front of the cold ashes. But it wasn’t Ennis.
They rose without saying a word, threw the bedding and the food in the truck and headed back down river to Fort Collins. On the outskirts of town Matt told him to pull up in front of the Bluebird Diner.
"This place has been here for ages and will be in business for at least another three decades," he told Jack.
Matt led the way into the diner, a long narrow room lined with booths on the window side. It was full of working men at that early hour. All the tables were taken except the one nearest the door, where a waitress wearing a dark blue skirt and a light blue blouse stood idle, resting the fingertips of one hand on the formica top like she was daring anybody to sit there. She was an older woman, old enough to retire, but her brown hair had no gray in it and her brown eyes were bright and alert. She was facing the doorway but gazing into the middle distance as if listening and waiting. When Matt noticed her he stopped suddenly and Jack nearly stumbled into him.
"Hi Carole."
The waitress switched her focus to him and knit her brows. Then her eyes widened.
"Matt! Hey kiddo, I didn't recognize you," she laughed, a deep gravelly sound that reminded Jack of shallow river rapids. "C'mere and gimme a hug." She held her arms out and Matt walked into them, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She hugged him tightly, her eyes squeezed shut. Her whole being seemed to pulse with life. When they pulled apart she put her hand up to Matt's face and studied him.
"You're not in a story? Don't tell me you're back in this town hoping for a trilogy," she chuckled.
"Actually, I get to be the real me this time," Matt said. "And look who I brought." He turned his head and nodded at Jack.
Carole beamed and playfully shoved Matt away with one hand. "Let me at ‘im! Jack, I should've known it wasn't little Matt I was waiting for!" She advanced on Jack with her arms open wide but Matt put a hand on her shoulder.
"He's the first one," he said in a loud whisper.
Carole stopped and smiled broadly at Jack, who touched his hat and nodded "Howdy ma'am."
She extended her hand and when he took it to shake she squeezed his in both of hers. He felt warmth spread up his arm to his chest as she maintained her grip.
"Are you heading for Texas or coming back?" she asked.
"Uh... goin, I guess."
"Oh, that's a shame. Listen, promise you don't let four years go by before you come back this way, you hear? But you and I will meet again many, many times." She released his hand and squeezed his shoulder. "Sit down and I'll bring you some coffee. Milk no sugar, right?
"Sorry, baby," she added, turning to Matt. "The coffee won't improve here for at least twenty years, you know."
"That's OK Carole. Weak coffee won't kill me," Matt said as the two of them slid into the booth. She frowned at his words, then ruffled his hair before walking away.
"Who is she?" Jack asked.
"Carole is in every story in which you drive along Route 287. Even if it's not written, you stop for coffee here and she's your waitress," Matt explained.
"So you're sayin-" Jack began, but Matt suddenly sat up straight.
"Listen. Do you hear that?"
Jack watched Matt's face as he strained to hear above the clink of cutlery and low murmur of the diners. Somewhere outside he could detect a whooshing sound and then thunka thunka thunka.
"That a delivery truck or somethin?" Jack ventured but from Matt's expression he realized that was unlikely. He looked like a dog locked in a house who's heard the key turn in the front door. His eyes were trained on the entrance. Jack heard the door open and saw Matt's eyes widen in surprise.
"Oh my god, it's... Jack!" he whispered.
The rest of the story >>>>
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