(HP) Of Glowing Orbs and Other Things
Title: Of Glowing Orbs and Other Things
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: jackiejlh
Rating: PG-13
Character(s): Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger
Pairing(s): mentions of Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny and Harry/Percy
Warning(s): mpreg
Author's Note: Crack!fic written for the AzkatrazAtHome Crack and Cliche challenge for the prompt: "What do you mean, 'Wizards can be pregnant'?"
Summary: No one ever tells Harry the things he needs to know.
"How did this happen?!" Harry gaped in horror at the little glowing orb hovering over his abdomen.
Hermione took a deep breath, during which Ron settled into the corner of the sofa, sensing a lecture on impregnation coming on and knowing he'd probably be there a while. "Well, when two people love each other very much, and show that love by-"
"I know how it happens," Harry interrupted, panic entering his tone. "But how did it happen to me?"
"Um..." There was an awkward silence for a moment as they all contemplated the possibilities.
"It can happen this way when it's just wizards involved, actually," Ron said, and they both spun to stare at him. "What? Yes, I know things." As they continued to stare at him incredulously, he shrugged and conceded, "Well, I know this, anyway. All wizards know this."
Harry glared at him. "I didn't." Turning back to the glowing orb, which was now shifting from blue to pink and back again, he slumped back in his chair. "Obviously. Thanks for warning me."
"I didn't know I had to. I thought you were with my sister!" Suddenly angry, Ron leapt to his feet. "You cheated on my sister?!"
"Oh, sit down," Hermione chided. "Besides, you can't hit him now. He's pregnant, I'm pretty sure it's illegal."
"I didn't cheat on your sister!"
Hermione frowned. "I'm pretty sure half of Gryffindor and most of the Ravenclaw seventh-years could tell you that Ginny is most definitely female."
Turning red, Ron glared at her, and Hermione just shrugged apologetically.
"Well I haven't been having sex with any..." Harry began to say, his voice trailing off and his eyes growing wide. "Oh. Wait. Um..."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'UM'!?!" Ron screeched.
"Well, remember that Hogsmeade weekend that Ginny dumped me-temporarily, as it turned out-and I wanted to get drunk, but you were busy? Well I went anyway, because my girlfriend had just dumped me for Merlin's sake and besides, what kind of friends are you to not go with me in the first place?!"
They exchanged guilty glances. "We were, um, busy," Ron muttered helpfully, and Hermione blushed.
"Yeah, busy."
"Right, well thanks to you, I ended up in the Hog's Head with no one to get drunk with except Percy-still not sure why he was there, but he just kept mumbling something about cauldron bottoms and how no one understood how important his work was, in between shots of Firewhisky. And, well... we were really drunk."
"I don't know if I can listen to any more of this," Ron interjected, standing up again and pacing. "I'd say that I need a drink, but apparently that can lead to bad, bad, sick and disgusting things, like sleeping with Percy." He retched a little, and Harry rolled his eyes.
Hermione just looked contemplatively at Harry's hands where they were lying protectively against his only-slight-rounded stomach. "Well, maybe it'll have red hair, and Ginny will never know the difference. Well, not it, he," she said, inspecting the blue orb. Then if flickered back to pink, and she corrected herself, "No, she." After a second, it changed back to blue, and finally settled for some sort of ying-yang pattern of both colors.
"Does that mean I'm having twins?" Harry asked, staring in awe.
Biting her lip, Hermione patted his hand. "Um, no... It means, well. Okay, how do I explain this?" She waved her wand in the direction of her dormitory, and a moment later a book floated down the stairs and into her waiting arms. Flipping through it until she found the right page, she skimmed the words, nodded, closed the book, and took a deep breath. Ron groaned and flopped back into his seat.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: jackiejlh
Rating: PG-13
Character(s): Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger
Pairing(s): mentions of Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny and Harry/Percy
Warning(s): mpreg
Author's Note: Crack!fic written for the AzkatrazAtHome Crack and Cliche challenge for the prompt: "What do you mean, 'Wizards can be pregnant'?"
Summary: No one ever tells Harry the things he needs to know.
"How did this happen?!" Harry gaped in horror at the little glowing orb hovering over his abdomen.
Hermione took a deep breath, during which Ron settled into the corner of the sofa, sensing a lecture on impregnation coming on and knowing he'd probably be there a while. "Well, when two people love each other very much, and show that love by-"
"I know how it happens," Harry interrupted, panic entering his tone. "But how did it happen to me?"
"Um..." There was an awkward silence for a moment as they all contemplated the possibilities.
"It can happen this way when it's just wizards involved, actually," Ron said, and they both spun to stare at him. "What? Yes, I know things." As they continued to stare at him incredulously, he shrugged and conceded, "Well, I know this, anyway. All wizards know this."
Harry glared at him. "I didn't." Turning back to the glowing orb, which was now shifting from blue to pink and back again, he slumped back in his chair. "Obviously. Thanks for warning me."
"I didn't know I had to. I thought you were with my sister!" Suddenly angry, Ron leapt to his feet. "You cheated on my sister?!"
"Oh, sit down," Hermione chided. "Besides, you can't hit him now. He's pregnant, I'm pretty sure it's illegal."
"I didn't cheat on your sister!"
Hermione frowned. "I'm pretty sure half of Gryffindor and most of the Ravenclaw seventh-years could tell you that Ginny is most definitely female."
Turning red, Ron glared at her, and Hermione just shrugged apologetically.
"Well I haven't been having sex with any..." Harry began to say, his voice trailing off and his eyes growing wide. "Oh. Wait. Um..."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'UM'!?!" Ron screeched.
"Well, remember that Hogsmeade weekend that Ginny dumped me-temporarily, as it turned out-and I wanted to get drunk, but you were busy? Well I went anyway, because my girlfriend had just dumped me for Merlin's sake and besides, what kind of friends are you to not go with me in the first place?!"
They exchanged guilty glances. "We were, um, busy," Ron muttered helpfully, and Hermione blushed.
"Yeah, busy."
"Right, well thanks to you, I ended up in the Hog's Head with no one to get drunk with except Percy-still not sure why he was there, but he just kept mumbling something about cauldron bottoms and how no one understood how important his work was, in between shots of Firewhisky. And, well... we were really drunk."
"I don't know if I can listen to any more of this," Ron interjected, standing up again and pacing. "I'd say that I need a drink, but apparently that can lead to bad, bad, sick and disgusting things, like sleeping with Percy." He retched a little, and Harry rolled his eyes.
Hermione just looked contemplatively at Harry's hands where they were lying protectively against his only-slight-rounded stomach. "Well, maybe it'll have red hair, and Ginny will never know the difference. Well, not it, he," she said, inspecting the blue orb. Then if flickered back to pink, and she corrected herself, "No, she." After a second, it changed back to blue, and finally settled for some sort of ying-yang pattern of both colors.
"Does that mean I'm having twins?" Harry asked, staring in awe.
Biting her lip, Hermione patted his hand. "Um, no... It means, well. Okay, how do I explain this?" She waved her wand in the direction of her dormitory, and a moment later a book floated down the stairs and into her waiting arms. Flipping through it until she found the right page, she skimmed the words, nodded, closed the book, and took a deep breath. Ron groaned and flopped back into his seat.