(no subject)
Title: Up Standing (Act Two, Part Seven)
Pairing: C/Z, Z/Gilda
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Synopsis: Secrets revealed, and Casey could care less.
Author's Note: If you know of the band "Cranes", especially their album "Loved" put it on for this, lol. If you don't... BUY it.
Previous Parts:
1:1
1:2
1:3
1:4
1:5
1:6
1:7
1:8
Act Two- Up Standing
2:1
2:2
2:3
2:4
2:5
2:6
It was later in the night; Gilda had left for work a few hours before. Casey’s head was still spinning from that one stupid beer… God, he was going to have to get some muscle or something to absorb everything. He stared ahead to the television, yawning at the commercial for another law office. As he tried remembering if this was the same lawyer-guy from the other night, he heard a knock at the cellar door.
“Yea?” Casey called.
“Just me,” Zeke said, voice muffled by the door.
“C’mon down,” Casey yelled back. The door opened and Zeke walked slowly down, his good leg extending further to accommodate the other.
“Hey,” Zeke said, now at the floor.
“Hey,” Casey mumbled back, putting an arm over his head. He saw Zeke smirking in the corner of his eye. “What?”
“Are you drunk off that… one beer?” Zeke asked, amused. Casey groaned, shaking his head.
“No. Just feeling weird from it, I guess. Drank too fast or something,”
“Ahh,” Zeke said, walking over. He sat on the edge of the bed, groaning, tapping his cane into the floor. “I feel like an old man using this thing,”
Casey looked over, trying to smile. “Eh… see it as you’re some worldly… ‘Distinguished’ man,” he replied. Zeke smiled a bit, looking forced.
“’Extinguished’,”
“Hmm?”
“Casey, I’m sorry,” he said, smile gone entirely and looking Casey dead in the eye. “I’m so fucking sorry. You were right.”
Casey sat up a little, resting on his elbows. “Huh?”
“Y’now how you asked if I remembered things?” Zeke asked. Casey nodded slowly.
“Yea…”
Zeke looked away now, staring at his feet. “That rumor that went around, saying you’d been seen… seen fucking some guy in the showers of the boy’s locker room…”
It went dead silent a few moments. Casey stared at Zeke’s back, unable to see his face. Realization was curling into Casey’s brain; he didn’t know what to do or say.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Casey,” Zeke blurted; his words came out halted and tense. “I’m even MORE of an asshole than you thought me as. More, a whole hella lot more…”
Casey sat up fully now, putting his hands on his ankles. He stared at the blankets of his bed, feeling cold. “That was you… huh?”
“I didn’t… I had no fucking clue what I was doing. No fucking clue at all. Someone in gym said that you were looking at ‘em, and it just came… out,” Zeke admitted. “I never fucking cared about being ‘one of them’. I prided myself on it. For that one fucking minute, it was like I wanted to be ‘part of the crowd’… after I said it I wanted to shoot myself in the leg,”
He was sounding like he was going to cry. “Zeke…”
“I remember that week, man. Your first hospital stay, because Gabe and his fuckin’ gang pounded the ‘fag’ into the stone floor of the second floor hallway. I was the one who beat you up that day, not them,” Zeke choked out; it had went from sounding like to actual tearing up as Casey looked to the side of Zeke’s face. One of Zeke’s hands went to his mouth, covering it as his muffled voice continued. “Casey, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,”
Casey had had enough of the high school politics, where there shouldn’t have been any. He’d treated them all as ‘bygones’, a world he no longer lived within. He could either dwell on this, or… “It’s okay,”
Zeke turned to Casey, eyes glistening. “Yea?”
“Yea. It’s okay.”
Zeke squeezed his eyes shut. “Thought I could ignore it, forget it. But I fucking hurt you and-“
“Just… shut up, Zeke,” Casey interrupted. “I’ve been doing too much of that, it’s time we BOTH stopped,”
“Okay.” Zeke replied. He coughed a little, looking around. “Don’t you… hate it in here?”
“It’s all right; I like it. It’s like a whole apartment to myself,” Casey said, smiling a little. Zeke frowned, the tears gone from his eyes.
“Yea… a dank, smelly one. Shit,” Zeke mumbled. “Gilda’s gotta room upstairs she uses to keep a lot of stuff she’d never unpacked. I’ll tell her to get it sorted so you can move upstairs,”
Casey blinked, confused. “Huh?”
“This isn’t a real fucking room, Casey,”
“Yea, but…”
“Shut up. You’re getting a new room, I don’t care,”
Casey had to smile at Zeke’s insistence. “Okay then…”
“Good.” Zeke said.
*****
“Hello??”
Casey stirred a little, his deep sleep getting interrupted by someone calling out. He didn’t move, hoping the voice would just shut up. There was a door opening, but he didn’t register it as his.
“Casey, have you seen…”
Casey now moved his head up, seeing Gilda in th middle of the cellar stairs. “Ya?” he mumbled. She stood shock still, staring at him.
“Wake Zeke up. Tell him to come to bed,” she mumbled, standing still for just another small moment before stomping back upstairs. Casey looked to the other side of his bed… oh Jesus.
*****
“She thinks we’re fucking,”
Casey nearly spit out his morning coffee all over the kitchen floor; Zeke hadn’t even said ‘good morning’ or any other normal greeting. Just… this. Casey recovered, spitting some of the choked liquid into the sink. Once his throat stopped spasming, he croaked out a “Huh??”
Zeke nodded, looking to the doorway leading to the living room. Gilda was still sleeping upstairs, getting over a hard night of work. “Yea,”
Casey rolled his eyes. “Figures,”
“Says she’s sick of finding us all curled up, sleeping together,” Zeke replied, chuckling a little. “Told me that I’d better just cut it out and go to my OWN bed, or you to yours,”
“Well, maybe that’s a good thing,”
“Maybe,”
“Hmm,” Casey murmured, sipping more of his coffee. “I don’t even remember you staying last night. I just kinda fell asleep,”
“Yea, me too. Somewhere around the fiftieth commercial for ‘Injury Lawyers’.”
“Man, they shove that shit down your throat after nine at night,”
“No kidding.”
Casey was glad for the subject change; the more time he spent with Zeke that was seen as ‘controversial’ later on, the more he was stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck inside a world he didn’t want to live in anymore. Zeke saw their friendship as close, not sexual. Casey was sick of sexualizing things with Zeke in order to make himself feel better. It never worked, only left him more and more empty as time went by. He had to be happy with this, or remain some sort of ridiculous tortured soul, not willing to let go.
“I suppose we should get ready for this ridiculous party,” Zeke said, standing up to put his breakfast bowl away in the sink. As he washed away Casey smiled.
“You sound… enthused,”
“Eh… it should be fun. But…” Zeke said, shutting the water off. “Are you positive this whole Gabe thing isn’t gonna fuck you up?”
Casey smiled, crossing his arms; he stared at the ground and sighed. “I’m better than he is, Zeke,”
Zeke smiled in return. “Anyone could tell you that,”
“Yea, well- it’s time I voiced it to myself. I’m not scared of him anymore. No reason to be.” Casey replied.
“S’right, Case,” Zeke said, his smile warm and full of pride. Casey smiled back and for a moment, they both seemed lost inside each other’s happiness.
*****
Zeke was putting music together in his CD player, Casey was busy heating up microwave pizzas and Gilda…
“Zeke, do you like this one?? I dunno if it matches the skirt,”
“Gil, EVERYTHING matches with denim,”
“I know, but is it TOO pink??”
Casey rolled his eyes, slipping the last of the pizzas onto a plate. He was wondering what this party was for; Zeke’s ‘new leg’ or Gilda’s new outfits she’d spent WAY too much money on at the mall that afternoon. “Ugh…. CASEY!”
Casey smirked. “Yea?”
“Can you just program these CDs in your computer or something?? My CD player is shitting the bed,”
Casey walked out of the kitchen into the living room. “Last minute, but… I can work it out,”
“Good, good,”
Gilda scampered back up the stairs, muttering something about her new Gap shirt as Casey sat down at his computer. Zeke piled CD after CD onto the desk, mumbling under his breath. Casey picked the one from the top and peered at it.
“Cranes?”
“Yea, good shit,” Zeke murmured, looking through more CDs. Casey slid the CD into his player, opened his music program and sighed.
“Okay, I’ll get this done you go… make the rest of the snacks,”
Zeke groaned, standing up unsteadily and walking into the kitchen. Casey began putting the songs into the player, smiling. Man, this song was pretty good; he was honestly surprised he hadn’t heard of this band, seeing as he’d been into bands like it. The one after it stilled him.
Do you know...
The way I feel tonight?
Don't let go...
It's beautiful tonight
It makes me feel alive
It's beautiful inside
I'm safe here in a pale blue sky
It's beautiful inside…
Wasn’t very fair now, was it. Casey continued loading everything into the player, groaning.
Brighter than the stars
When I catch your eye…
Casey kept programming the music, putting aside the choke in his throat. It was too hard to deal with this on a natural, easy level. Blocking out honeyed words and metaphors, the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it!!” Gilda cried, coming down the stairs in a white, frilly tank top and jean skirt.
Now we fall in sleep
Ever lost you know
I could cry, in your eyes
I could cry, when we try
Shut UP, Casey thought. It was like Zeke knew.
“Hey Case!”
Casey turned from his work, seeing Delilah standing there next to him with a grocery bag. “Hey,” Casey said, smiling up at her. He turned the volume down and turned the chair to her. “You’re early,”
“Figured you guys could use the help- brought a few things too,” Delilah said, leaning the bag towards him. He smiled in seeing one of his favorite snacks of marshmallow pies sticking out at the top.
“You never forget, do you?” he asked, smiling warmly. She glanced to it and shrugged.
“’Course not,” she said, winking. “I’ll bring these into the kitchen,”
Casey nodded, turning to the computer and raising the volume.
And I'm dreaming...
Something to hold
Something to feel
Someone to love
Someone to need...
Casey rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long, hard time listening to this album during a party. He hoped everyone would get raging drunk and block it out.
Pairing: C/Z, Z/Gilda
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Synopsis: Secrets revealed, and Casey could care less.
Author's Note: If you know of the band "Cranes", especially their album "Loved" put it on for this, lol. If you don't... BUY it.
Previous Parts:
1:1
1:2
1:3
1:4
1:5
1:6
1:7
1:8
Act Two- Up Standing
2:1
2:2
2:3
2:4
2:5
2:6
It was later in the night; Gilda had left for work a few hours before. Casey’s head was still spinning from that one stupid beer… God, he was going to have to get some muscle or something to absorb everything. He stared ahead to the television, yawning at the commercial for another law office. As he tried remembering if this was the same lawyer-guy from the other night, he heard a knock at the cellar door.
“Yea?” Casey called.
“Just me,” Zeke said, voice muffled by the door.
“C’mon down,” Casey yelled back. The door opened and Zeke walked slowly down, his good leg extending further to accommodate the other.
“Hey,” Zeke said, now at the floor.
“Hey,” Casey mumbled back, putting an arm over his head. He saw Zeke smirking in the corner of his eye. “What?”
“Are you drunk off that… one beer?” Zeke asked, amused. Casey groaned, shaking his head.
“No. Just feeling weird from it, I guess. Drank too fast or something,”
“Ahh,” Zeke said, walking over. He sat on the edge of the bed, groaning, tapping his cane into the floor. “I feel like an old man using this thing,”
Casey looked over, trying to smile. “Eh… see it as you’re some worldly… ‘Distinguished’ man,” he replied. Zeke smiled a bit, looking forced.
“’Extinguished’,”
“Hmm?”
“Casey, I’m sorry,” he said, smile gone entirely and looking Casey dead in the eye. “I’m so fucking sorry. You were right.”
Casey sat up a little, resting on his elbows. “Huh?”
“Y’now how you asked if I remembered things?” Zeke asked. Casey nodded slowly.
“Yea…”
Zeke looked away now, staring at his feet. “That rumor that went around, saying you’d been seen… seen fucking some guy in the showers of the boy’s locker room…”
It went dead silent a few moments. Casey stared at Zeke’s back, unable to see his face. Realization was curling into Casey’s brain; he didn’t know what to do or say.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Casey,” Zeke blurted; his words came out halted and tense. “I’m even MORE of an asshole than you thought me as. More, a whole hella lot more…”
Casey sat up fully now, putting his hands on his ankles. He stared at the blankets of his bed, feeling cold. “That was you… huh?”
“I didn’t… I had no fucking clue what I was doing. No fucking clue at all. Someone in gym said that you were looking at ‘em, and it just came… out,” Zeke admitted. “I never fucking cared about being ‘one of them’. I prided myself on it. For that one fucking minute, it was like I wanted to be ‘part of the crowd’… after I said it I wanted to shoot myself in the leg,”
He was sounding like he was going to cry. “Zeke…”
“I remember that week, man. Your first hospital stay, because Gabe and his fuckin’ gang pounded the ‘fag’ into the stone floor of the second floor hallway. I was the one who beat you up that day, not them,” Zeke choked out; it had went from sounding like to actual tearing up as Casey looked to the side of Zeke’s face. One of Zeke’s hands went to his mouth, covering it as his muffled voice continued. “Casey, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,”
Casey had had enough of the high school politics, where there shouldn’t have been any. He’d treated them all as ‘bygones’, a world he no longer lived within. He could either dwell on this, or… “It’s okay,”
Zeke turned to Casey, eyes glistening. “Yea?”
“Yea. It’s okay.”
Zeke squeezed his eyes shut. “Thought I could ignore it, forget it. But I fucking hurt you and-“
“Just… shut up, Zeke,” Casey interrupted. “I’ve been doing too much of that, it’s time we BOTH stopped,”
“Okay.” Zeke replied. He coughed a little, looking around. “Don’t you… hate it in here?”
“It’s all right; I like it. It’s like a whole apartment to myself,” Casey said, smiling a little. Zeke frowned, the tears gone from his eyes.
“Yea… a dank, smelly one. Shit,” Zeke mumbled. “Gilda’s gotta room upstairs she uses to keep a lot of stuff she’d never unpacked. I’ll tell her to get it sorted so you can move upstairs,”
Casey blinked, confused. “Huh?”
“This isn’t a real fucking room, Casey,”
“Yea, but…”
“Shut up. You’re getting a new room, I don’t care,”
Casey had to smile at Zeke’s insistence. “Okay then…”
“Good.” Zeke said.
*****
“Hello??”
Casey stirred a little, his deep sleep getting interrupted by someone calling out. He didn’t move, hoping the voice would just shut up. There was a door opening, but he didn’t register it as his.
“Casey, have you seen…”
Casey now moved his head up, seeing Gilda in th middle of the cellar stairs. “Ya?” he mumbled. She stood shock still, staring at him.
“Wake Zeke up. Tell him to come to bed,” she mumbled, standing still for just another small moment before stomping back upstairs. Casey looked to the other side of his bed… oh Jesus.
*****
“She thinks we’re fucking,”
Casey nearly spit out his morning coffee all over the kitchen floor; Zeke hadn’t even said ‘good morning’ or any other normal greeting. Just… this. Casey recovered, spitting some of the choked liquid into the sink. Once his throat stopped spasming, he croaked out a “Huh??”
Zeke nodded, looking to the doorway leading to the living room. Gilda was still sleeping upstairs, getting over a hard night of work. “Yea,”
Casey rolled his eyes. “Figures,”
“Says she’s sick of finding us all curled up, sleeping together,” Zeke replied, chuckling a little. “Told me that I’d better just cut it out and go to my OWN bed, or you to yours,”
“Well, maybe that’s a good thing,”
“Maybe,”
“Hmm,” Casey murmured, sipping more of his coffee. “I don’t even remember you staying last night. I just kinda fell asleep,”
“Yea, me too. Somewhere around the fiftieth commercial for ‘Injury Lawyers’.”
“Man, they shove that shit down your throat after nine at night,”
“No kidding.”
Casey was glad for the subject change; the more time he spent with Zeke that was seen as ‘controversial’ later on, the more he was stuck. Stuck, stuck, stuck inside a world he didn’t want to live in anymore. Zeke saw their friendship as close, not sexual. Casey was sick of sexualizing things with Zeke in order to make himself feel better. It never worked, only left him more and more empty as time went by. He had to be happy with this, or remain some sort of ridiculous tortured soul, not willing to let go.
“I suppose we should get ready for this ridiculous party,” Zeke said, standing up to put his breakfast bowl away in the sink. As he washed away Casey smiled.
“You sound… enthused,”
“Eh… it should be fun. But…” Zeke said, shutting the water off. “Are you positive this whole Gabe thing isn’t gonna fuck you up?”
Casey smiled, crossing his arms; he stared at the ground and sighed. “I’m better than he is, Zeke,”
Zeke smiled in return. “Anyone could tell you that,”
“Yea, well- it’s time I voiced it to myself. I’m not scared of him anymore. No reason to be.” Casey replied.
“S’right, Case,” Zeke said, his smile warm and full of pride. Casey smiled back and for a moment, they both seemed lost inside each other’s happiness.
*****
Zeke was putting music together in his CD player, Casey was busy heating up microwave pizzas and Gilda…
“Zeke, do you like this one?? I dunno if it matches the skirt,”
“Gil, EVERYTHING matches with denim,”
“I know, but is it TOO pink??”
Casey rolled his eyes, slipping the last of the pizzas onto a plate. He was wondering what this party was for; Zeke’s ‘new leg’ or Gilda’s new outfits she’d spent WAY too much money on at the mall that afternoon. “Ugh…. CASEY!”
Casey smirked. “Yea?”
“Can you just program these CDs in your computer or something?? My CD player is shitting the bed,”
Casey walked out of the kitchen into the living room. “Last minute, but… I can work it out,”
“Good, good,”
Gilda scampered back up the stairs, muttering something about her new Gap shirt as Casey sat down at his computer. Zeke piled CD after CD onto the desk, mumbling under his breath. Casey picked the one from the top and peered at it.
“Cranes?”
“Yea, good shit,” Zeke murmured, looking through more CDs. Casey slid the CD into his player, opened his music program and sighed.
“Okay, I’ll get this done you go… make the rest of the snacks,”
Zeke groaned, standing up unsteadily and walking into the kitchen. Casey began putting the songs into the player, smiling. Man, this song was pretty good; he was honestly surprised he hadn’t heard of this band, seeing as he’d been into bands like it. The one after it stilled him.
Do you know...
The way I feel tonight?
Don't let go...
It's beautiful tonight
It makes me feel alive
It's beautiful inside
I'm safe here in a pale blue sky
It's beautiful inside…
Wasn’t very fair now, was it. Casey continued loading everything into the player, groaning.
Brighter than the stars
When I catch your eye…
Casey kept programming the music, putting aside the choke in his throat. It was too hard to deal with this on a natural, easy level. Blocking out honeyed words and metaphors, the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it!!” Gilda cried, coming down the stairs in a white, frilly tank top and jean skirt.
Now we fall in sleep
Ever lost you know
I could cry, in your eyes
I could cry, when we try
Shut UP, Casey thought. It was like Zeke knew.
“Hey Case!”
Casey turned from his work, seeing Delilah standing there next to him with a grocery bag. “Hey,” Casey said, smiling up at her. He turned the volume down and turned the chair to her. “You’re early,”
“Figured you guys could use the help- brought a few things too,” Delilah said, leaning the bag towards him. He smiled in seeing one of his favorite snacks of marshmallow pies sticking out at the top.
“You never forget, do you?” he asked, smiling warmly. She glanced to it and shrugged.
“’Course not,” she said, winking. “I’ll bring these into the kitchen,”
Casey nodded, turning to the computer and raising the volume.
And I'm dreaming...
Something to hold
Something to feel
Someone to love
Someone to need...
Casey rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long, hard time listening to this album during a party. He hoped everyone would get raging drunk and block it out.