Obsession 6/?
title: Obsession 6/?
author: jaaycakes
rating: PG
pairing: Jongho (Jonghyun/Minho)
genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
summary: When a love loses it's way. (I don't think that makes any sense to this chapter. Wtf, I'm just gonna stop with summaries, I swear xD)
a/n: Lack of research probably coming into play again, sorry you guisee ;-; Also, before you get confused, starting with the “One.” is the explanation of his symptoms. And I’m not sure if I’m satisfied with the way this chapter was written. But, oh well D: Sorry it’s short! Wanted to leave it at a sorta ish cliffhanger again, lulz. But I swear another chapter is coming tomorrow xD
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A love that lost its way, I fill up with tears
One.
“Have a seat, Jonghyun. Let me ask you a few questions. You believe Minho loves you, right?” Dr. Lee asked, but didn’t bother to wait for an answer as he continued to explain. “And you love him, and you’re always... forcing your love on him, and wanting him to always tell you he loves you or show you that love, right?”
Jonghyun sat down in the single chair, worry already pulsing through him as Minho silently sat on the arm of the chair. “Well, yeah of course, but I don’t force anything out of him.. And he does love me,” Jonghyun answered with much emphasis although he was taken aback by the sudden question. He looked up at Minho, who couldn’t seem to look him in the eye. He knew something was wrong. Very wrong. And all he could do at first, was try to hold back the tears that, he knew, would eventually come.
Dr. Lee nodded, scribbling quickly on his notepad. Without bothering to argue about Jonghyun’s beliefs, he looked up and explained, “That’s you expressing your beliefs with much persistence, and not only that, you look as if you want to punch me in the face, just for trying to contradict your belief.”
“Belief? What are you talking about, belief? I don’t believe Minho loves me. I know he does,” Jonghyun started, rage already building up inside of him. If Minho didn’t rest his hand on his shoulder at that moment, Jonghyun may have very well punched the therapist unconscious.
“Minho.. What is he.. What is he talking about?” Jonghyun shouted, looking up at Minho with fury in his eyes. He was confused, he couldn’t understand anything. Why did Minho take him there? Why couldn’t Minho look at him?
Two and Three.
Both Minho and Dr. Lee ignored Jonghyun’s outburst, Minho looking down at the floor, and Dr. Lee Jinki silently continuing to scribble on his notepad.
“And I’ve already mentioned it, but you’re very hostile and irritated when it comes to someone contradicting your belief. Which also proves you’re oversensitive and humorless when it comes to your relationship with Minho,” Dr. Lee explained, looking back up at the aggravated Jonghyun through his glasses.
Jonghyun couldn’t even answer or look at anyone at that moment. He was still confused as to what he was doing there, and he was just getting angrier with each passing second. Who did that damn psychotherapist think he was? He may have looked sweet, innocent, caring... But all Jonghyun could think about was beating the hell out of him. He didn’t know anything about their relationship, so why was he acting like he did?
Four.
Knowing that he wasn’t going to get a response from Jonghyun, Dr. Lee continued, pushing his glasses up a bit, “And I have no proof of this, but I would bet that Minho became the center of your life, influencing it in all ways possible.”
With that, Jonghyun burst out in anger again, staring the therapist down, “You have no proof of anything at all! You don’t know anything about my relationship with Minho, so shut the fuck up! Minho, please, let’s leave, I don’t understand..”
“Jonghyun, please.. Just listen to what he has to say,” Minho finally spoke softly, but was still unable to look Jonghyun in the face.
The fact that Minho was siding with Dr. Lee broke his heart into a million pieces. Was he trying to say that he agreed with the therapist? Was he saying everything was just in Jonghyun’s mind?
Five.
“Thank you, Minho. Mm.. Oh, right. And I’m sure your parents would have never accepted a gay relationship. I’m sure you grew up with your dad telling you such relationships were wrong,” Dr. Lee added, glancing at Jonghyun, who’s eyes were then filling up with tears.
Jonghyun kept quiet. It was true. His dad always expressed disgust whenever there was a rare spotting of a gay couple on the streets. “Jonghyun-ah, you better find yourself a lovely girl when you grow up, don’t be like those disgusting people,” his dad would tell him, and Jonghyun would nod, wanting so badly to please his father for once. But when Minho came into his life, he threw all of his past beliefs and loved Minho unconditionally, not caring about what anyone else thought.
Six.
“And speaking of parents.. I know that you grew up for nearly ten years without love, which may have been the cause of the delusional disorder,” Dr. Lee finished, setting his notepad on his side table.
Minho’s head shot up, looking directly at Dr. Lee, apparently shocked at the unexpected comment. Jonghyun’s head also shot up, and once again, he was infuriated, “Don’t even bring my mom into this... This whatever this is. How the hell do you know that anyways? And what the fuck do you mean delusional disorder?”
Then realization dawned on him and he glanced up at Minho, who was still staring at the therapist in shock. “Oh. Oh. Oh! Minho, you told him everything, didn’t you! I trusted you with that, and I loved you completely. And you run off to this therapist, telling him about my personal family life and that I’m crazy for thinking you love me back?”
Jonghyun scoffed, despite the tears that were running quickly down his cheeks, “How could I be crazy in thinking you love me? Do you remember how many times you’ve told me you love me? Do you remember how many kisses we’ve shared? Do you remember all of those nights in bed? Do you fucking remember anything, Minho?”
-
I couldn’t look him in the eye nor could I answer. I mean, how could I? All of my past fears of him breaking down happened right then and there in front of my eyes. I tried so hard for months to prevent that from happening. But I made it worse. And also, I didn’t expect you to bring up his mom. His mom was a delicate subject that we rarely talked about, and it was probably what caused him to realize what was going on.
“Huh, Minho? Answer me, damn it!” I heard him say through loud sobs, and it took everything inside of me to not cry, to not hug him tightly and tell him everything was going to be okay.
“You imagined everything, Jonghyun. I never kissed you back, you forced your lips on me at all times. I never had sex with you, I do believe you somehow imagined that. I never told you I love you like a boyfriend, I always told you I loved you as a best friend, almost like a brotherly love, but you managed to always tune out those last words that followed the I love you. You.. imagined everything,” I answered quietly, looking back down at the floor, playing with the bottom of my shirt. I had never lied so much in a matter of twenty seconds, although some of it was partly true.
In the beginning, I never kissed him back. But as time moved on, I started to kiss him back, enjoying it.
In the beginning, I never went all the way with him and would always slip away just in time. But as time moved on, I allowed it to happen, enjoying it.
In the beginning, I never just said “I love you” without mentioning that it was a best friend type of love. But as time moved on, I dropped the “as a best friend” and just said “I love you”, meaning it.
Jonghyun sat silently once again, his sobs being the only sound filling the awkward atmosphere that I had created. When he finally spoke up once again, his sobs had died down a bit, “Why... Why are you just telling me this now?”
I knew the question was going to come up sooner or later. I knew I was going to have to answer it. I knew the answer to it, and it almost killed me to have to answer him.
“I’m... Jonghyun, I’m getting married.”
-
a/n: Why, Minho, whyy!? xD /hides. Try not to hate me and Minho more than you guys probably already do, lmfao.
Also, in case you're curious, click here to see where I got the symptoms from. Some things should make sense now? If not, sorry ;-; I'm gonna explain my thought process at the end anyway xD
author: jaaycakes
rating: PG
pairing: Jongho (Jonghyun/Minho)
genre: Angst, Romance, Drama
summary: When a love loses it's way. (I don't think that makes any sense to this chapter. Wtf, I'm just gonna stop with summaries, I swear xD)
a/n: Lack of research probably coming into play again, sorry you guisee ;-; Also, before you get confused, starting with the “One.” is the explanation of his symptoms. And I’m not sure if I’m satisfied with the way this chapter was written. But, oh well D: Sorry it’s short! Wanted to leave it at a sorta ish cliffhanger again, lulz. But I swear another chapter is coming tomorrow xD
-
A love that lost its way, I fill up with tears
One.
“Have a seat, Jonghyun. Let me ask you a few questions. You believe Minho loves you, right?” Dr. Lee asked, but didn’t bother to wait for an answer as he continued to explain. “And you love him, and you’re always... forcing your love on him, and wanting him to always tell you he loves you or show you that love, right?”
Jonghyun sat down in the single chair, worry already pulsing through him as Minho silently sat on the arm of the chair. “Well, yeah of course, but I don’t force anything out of him.. And he does love me,” Jonghyun answered with much emphasis although he was taken aback by the sudden question. He looked up at Minho, who couldn’t seem to look him in the eye. He knew something was wrong. Very wrong. And all he could do at first, was try to hold back the tears that, he knew, would eventually come.
Dr. Lee nodded, scribbling quickly on his notepad. Without bothering to argue about Jonghyun’s beliefs, he looked up and explained, “That’s you expressing your beliefs with much persistence, and not only that, you look as if you want to punch me in the face, just for trying to contradict your belief.”
“Belief? What are you talking about, belief? I don’t believe Minho loves me. I know he does,” Jonghyun started, rage already building up inside of him. If Minho didn’t rest his hand on his shoulder at that moment, Jonghyun may have very well punched the therapist unconscious.
“Minho.. What is he.. What is he talking about?” Jonghyun shouted, looking up at Minho with fury in his eyes. He was confused, he couldn’t understand anything. Why did Minho take him there? Why couldn’t Minho look at him?
Two and Three.
Both Minho and Dr. Lee ignored Jonghyun’s outburst, Minho looking down at the floor, and Dr. Lee Jinki silently continuing to scribble on his notepad.
“And I’ve already mentioned it, but you’re very hostile and irritated when it comes to someone contradicting your belief. Which also proves you’re oversensitive and humorless when it comes to your relationship with Minho,” Dr. Lee explained, looking back up at the aggravated Jonghyun through his glasses.
Jonghyun couldn’t even answer or look at anyone at that moment. He was still confused as to what he was doing there, and he was just getting angrier with each passing second. Who did that damn psychotherapist think he was? He may have looked sweet, innocent, caring... But all Jonghyun could think about was beating the hell out of him. He didn’t know anything about their relationship, so why was he acting like he did?
Four.
Knowing that he wasn’t going to get a response from Jonghyun, Dr. Lee continued, pushing his glasses up a bit, “And I have no proof of this, but I would bet that Minho became the center of your life, influencing it in all ways possible.”
With that, Jonghyun burst out in anger again, staring the therapist down, “You have no proof of anything at all! You don’t know anything about my relationship with Minho, so shut the fuck up! Minho, please, let’s leave, I don’t understand..”
“Jonghyun, please.. Just listen to what he has to say,” Minho finally spoke softly, but was still unable to look Jonghyun in the face.
The fact that Minho was siding with Dr. Lee broke his heart into a million pieces. Was he trying to say that he agreed with the therapist? Was he saying everything was just in Jonghyun’s mind?
Five.
“Thank you, Minho. Mm.. Oh, right. And I’m sure your parents would have never accepted a gay relationship. I’m sure you grew up with your dad telling you such relationships were wrong,” Dr. Lee added, glancing at Jonghyun, who’s eyes were then filling up with tears.
Jonghyun kept quiet. It was true. His dad always expressed disgust whenever there was a rare spotting of a gay couple on the streets. “Jonghyun-ah, you better find yourself a lovely girl when you grow up, don’t be like those disgusting people,” his dad would tell him, and Jonghyun would nod, wanting so badly to please his father for once. But when Minho came into his life, he threw all of his past beliefs and loved Minho unconditionally, not caring about what anyone else thought.
Six.
“And speaking of parents.. I know that you grew up for nearly ten years without love, which may have been the cause of the delusional disorder,” Dr. Lee finished, setting his notepad on his side table.
Minho’s head shot up, looking directly at Dr. Lee, apparently shocked at the unexpected comment. Jonghyun’s head also shot up, and once again, he was infuriated, “Don’t even bring my mom into this... This whatever this is. How the hell do you know that anyways? And what the fuck do you mean delusional disorder?”
Then realization dawned on him and he glanced up at Minho, who was still staring at the therapist in shock. “Oh. Oh. Oh! Minho, you told him everything, didn’t you! I trusted you with that, and I loved you completely. And you run off to this therapist, telling him about my personal family life and that I’m crazy for thinking you love me back?”
Jonghyun scoffed, despite the tears that were running quickly down his cheeks, “How could I be crazy in thinking you love me? Do you remember how many times you’ve told me you love me? Do you remember how many kisses we’ve shared? Do you remember all of those nights in bed? Do you fucking remember anything, Minho?”
-
I couldn’t look him in the eye nor could I answer. I mean, how could I? All of my past fears of him breaking down happened right then and there in front of my eyes. I tried so hard for months to prevent that from happening. But I made it worse. And also, I didn’t expect you to bring up his mom. His mom was a delicate subject that we rarely talked about, and it was probably what caused him to realize what was going on.
“Huh, Minho? Answer me, damn it!” I heard him say through loud sobs, and it took everything inside of me to not cry, to not hug him tightly and tell him everything was going to be okay.
“You imagined everything, Jonghyun. I never kissed you back, you forced your lips on me at all times. I never had sex with you, I do believe you somehow imagined that. I never told you I love you like a boyfriend, I always told you I loved you as a best friend, almost like a brotherly love, but you managed to always tune out those last words that followed the I love you. You.. imagined everything,” I answered quietly, looking back down at the floor, playing with the bottom of my shirt. I had never lied so much in a matter of twenty seconds, although some of it was partly true.
In the beginning, I never kissed him back. But as time moved on, I started to kiss him back, enjoying it.
In the beginning, I never went all the way with him and would always slip away just in time. But as time moved on, I allowed it to happen, enjoying it.
In the beginning, I never just said “I love you” without mentioning that it was a best friend type of love. But as time moved on, I dropped the “as a best friend” and just said “I love you”, meaning it.
Jonghyun sat silently once again, his sobs being the only sound filling the awkward atmosphere that I had created. When he finally spoke up once again, his sobs had died down a bit, “Why... Why are you just telling me this now?”
I knew the question was going to come up sooner or later. I knew I was going to have to answer it. I knew the answer to it, and it almost killed me to have to answer him.
“I’m... Jonghyun, I’m getting married.”
-
a/n: Why, Minho, whyy!? xD /hides. Try not to hate me and Minho more than you guys probably already do, lmfao.
Also, in case you're curious, click here to see where I got the symptoms from. Some things should make sense now? If not, sorry ;-; I'm gonna explain my thought process at the end anyway xD