therealljidol week 22: turn back or forge ahead?

[j0ydivided]

Your father died of cancer, when you were in your thirties

Comments

[eternal_ot]

This was sad to read and yet inspiring in the way she handled it till the end and her wish to pass away while sleeping was fulfilled. *Hugs*

[j0ydivided]

Thank you. *hugs*

[i_17bingo]

I watched my aunt die of cancer, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

This really hits at the devastation of it all, in a profound and painful way. Amazing work.

[j0ydivided]

Thank you.

[bleodswean]

This is a strong piece that leaves the reader with the same questions you have. Why this way?

[j0ydivided]

Thank you. I have some insight, but we'll never know "why".

[beeker121]

This is a lovely tribute to her, with all of the pain and questions wrapped up in it, to set the good times in higher relief.

[rayaso]

I kept hoping, please let this be fiction -- there is too much pain and sadness here. I am sorry you had to go through all this. Your entry is amazing in conveying some tiny part of what you went through.

[j0ydivided]

Nonfiction, unfortunately.

Thank you.

[j0ydivided]

Thank you.

[halfshellvenus]

I am so, sorry you went through this, and that your mother went through this. Having seen her father and then sister go through cancer, she must have had very little hope about the outcome of a diagnosis. Denying the possibility of cancer means there is still hope, as irrational as that sounds.

I hope that gave her less time to be afraid, and I'm sure the love of those around her was a comfort.

[j0ydivided]

Thank you.

I can sort of understand, at the end of it, why she elected not to find out more -- why she didn't go to the doctor, even when she was so clearly ill; why she decided to keep on keeping on until suddenly she wasn't able to get out of bed. Part of the family wonders why we didn't opt for chemotherapy and the option of keeping her alive for longer than what we had (roughly six weeks from diagnosis to her death), but I know, or think I know, that this is what she would have wanted. It's easier to give in to the pain and pretend that it's normal than to admit that something is terribly wrong and you are dying.