Comments | izhilzha: I Can't Trust You, God: an affirmation of our need for love in action

izhilzha

I Can't Trust You, God: an affirmation of our need for love in action

Jun 28, 2011 14:08

One of the greatest freedoms I have found in the past several months is freedom from trusting God.

Let me say that again: it's incredibly freeing to realize that not being able to trust God doesn't make one a bad Christian, doesn't make one a bad person, and isn't the cause of one's problems.

( I know someone reading this is mustering up their fighting response. Hang onto that for a minute. Keep reading. )

faith, poetry, real life, godstuff, contemplative

Comments 17

aurora_novarum June 28 2011, 23:24:29 UTC

I am glad things are going so well for you and that have a spiritual peace. I believe faith is a very personal thing. I derive much comfort in mine (after going through soul searching and a crisis long ago).

Take care.

izhilzha June 28 2011, 23:28:59 UTC

Thank you for your lovely comment.

I believe faith is both a very personal thing and a very communal thing, in that what affects us personally affects everyone around us. I'm glad to hear that you find such comfort in your own faith. *hugs*

kerravonsen June 29 2011, 00:40:10 UTC

Thank you. Thank you. This is very much what I need to hear. I am crying right now, because I am in that place. (points to icon)

I was not broken enough, not ill enough, not bound enough for God to demonstrate his greatness to or through me.

Oh yes. This.

izhilzha June 29 2011, 13:24:08 UTC

*hugs*

I am so glad that my experience could speak to where you are. My heart is with you.

Ahhh.... aitchmark June 29 2011, 02:18:32 UTC

Dark nights. I never think they will even end, but so far they always have.

May the days ahead be filled with blessings and joy.

kalquessa June 29 2011, 04:59:17 UTC

I just wanted to say thank you for posting these. I know I almost never comment on them, but I do read them. It goes against my nature to comment when I know I have no idea what's I'm talking about (true, ignorance has never--ever--stopped me from saying things, but the much rarer awareness of my ignorance often does). But I've really appreciated being able to read them, as they have opened my eyes to a lot of perspectives that I think I wouldn't have otherwise known existed. Our spiritual lives are so different and yet sometimes oddly similar. What you said about not feeling like you're broken enough to deserve deliverance really struck a chord. I think a lot of us that grew up in Christ have a similar sense of how undramatic or abstract our relationship with God can be.

(If this comment is a little incoherent, I apologize. I read your post before drinking a glass of wine, but I wrote the comment after, and I must not have eaten enough for dinner or something because I'm having an unusually hard time making words into sentences. ( ... )

izhilzha June 29 2011, 14:38:31 UTC

Aw, thank you for commenting. I'm glad to know that you read these posts (when you have time, hah), and that they have been at least interesting and possibly useful to you.

What you said about not feeling like you're broken enough to deserve deliverance really struck a chord. I think a lot of us that grew up in Christ have a similar sense of how undramatic or abstract our relationship with God can be.

Yeah. What bugs me is that we don't talk about it. I'm not sure why--I think I have just too often felt that Christ has no answers for those of us who are less broken, that he only came to save those who have been obviously "lost," so what would the point of longing for more be?

But that's something I'm still thinking about and working through. And maybe, if I say it enough, it will allow others to say it, too, and think about it together.

Wine! No, don't worry, the comment was coherent, even if it didn't feel so when you wrote it. :) Thank you, my friend, I love you. *hugs*

scionofgrace July 3 2011, 02:30:04 UTC

I think I have just too often felt that Christ has no answers for those of us who are less broken, that he only came to save those who have been obviously "lost," so what would the point of longing for more be?Oh, yikes. I've got the whole 'raised Christian' thing going on, and I've heard this before and felt it and struggled with it. So I feel a burning urge to tackle this one ( ... )

izhilzha July 3 2011, 18:35:37 UTC

I agree with all of this, and have thought it through numerous times. But it's hard to hold onto when what one hears at church and what one feels are acceptable ways to talk about salvation and spiritual growth simply don't go here.

It's lonely--as I would assume from this comment you know very well. Or maybe you just were lucky enough to be around people who were actually able/willing to see this and talk about it, rather than either 1) not realize it's important or 2) think it's wrong and avoid it altogether.

Thread 5

scionofgrace July 3 2011, 02:01:17 UTC

Would it be true to say that "permission to not trust God" may in fact be "trust that God can handle (and won't punish us for but in fact help us with) our mistrust"?

izhilzha July 3 2011, 02:17:10 UTC

Maybe, but to me saying it that way is just another way of saying "you're sinning if you can't trust God," and after these past three years I do not for one second believe that to be true.

scionofgrace July 3 2011, 02:54:02 UTC

Er, I didn't think it meant that at all. ::is making an idiot of oneself::

My train of thought was that God is a God of reason and order, he gave us brains, therefore he would speak to our reason as readily as he speaks to our emotion and creativity. Therefore if we have no proof of love, it wouldn't be sinful to doubt. Therefore he doesn't answer doubt with "Repent, sinner!" He answers doubt with proof.

izhilzha July 3 2011, 05:24:41 UTC

I am being pedantic. I get that way when I'm fed up with things I've heard other people (not you in this instance) say. :-D

And you clearly understand what I am saying, because that's a very nice distillation, right there. I think what I reacted to in your first comment in this thread was a sense of us needing to be "fixed," when in this case it's more that we need to receive, to be given to, to have our doubts answered with proof. Not fixed or mended, but answered, yes.