[I Just Want You to Know Who I Am] - a Kradam fic, Chapter 1
Where the fuck am I?
I really don't think I'm in my room anymore.
I can hear some kind of beeping.
Consistent, constant, kind of annoying the fuck out of me.
It's like when my brother Neil used to sit on the floor at the
edge of my bed at three in the morning when we were kids,
making soft beeping noises in my ear as I slept. That's when
I started having the dreams. Horrible, depressing dreams
where I was in the hospital, a white, sterile and indifferent
room where I lay, knowing somehow that I was going to die
soon. Neil said I always started talking in my sleep, muttering
things like "How long do I have?" and "Tell mom I love her."
He found it impossibly funny that I thought I was on my
deathbed, all because of his stupid noises. My sleep-talking
plagued me all through my childhood, even today. (Thanks,
little bro.) That's mostly why I strictly enforce the 'no sleepovers'
rule. Mostly why.
But I know that this beeping is not from anything, anyone, but
some kind of machine. I don't want to open my eyes. I'm afraid
of what I might see. And that fear is the thing that scares me the
most-I'm Adam Lambert. I'm not supposed to be afraid of
anything. But somehow, I am now.
I try to recall the last thing I remember before the beeping. Fuzzy
pictures, snapshots of memories, begin to slide into focus in my
mind. I remember opening my eyes, lying in bed and recalling
that I had just made it through the audition round of American
Idol. I knew I had to get up and start practicing ASAP, but my
body had woken me up way early. I glanced at the clock then,
and the angry red digital numbers silently screamed "4:14AM".
I rolled over and went immediately back to sleep.
After that, nothing. Just black, and maybe that's what it should
be, since I had just fallen back asleep, but something tugging
insistently at the back of my mind tells me that something is not
right. I feel like my memory is missing something huge, an empty,
white space, just like the hospital room in my dreams.
I know I have to lift my lids sooner or later. I can't stay like this,
wondering what that damn beeping is, obsessing over why my
mind feels unnaturally light. But, I'm safe here, inside myself.
Through my contemplation, I begin to hear hushed voices.
I listen for a moment, unable to decipher many words. One
voice is low and sounds mournful, almost hopeless. I briefly
wonder why. The other voice is higher pitched, even in a
whisper, sounding troubled and impatient.
"Is he ever going to wake up?"
My hearing finally strings together a coherent set of words.
It's a young girl's voice. I wonder if I know any young girls.
I really don't think so. But something in that voice gives me a
nagging want to find out if it's me who she's asking about.
I seem to be the only one in the room who appears to be
sleeping, but I need to make sure.
Slowly, hesitantly, I crack one eye open, then the other.
My eyes focus on the ultrawhite ceiling and tacky, flowery
wallpaper and I know I'm living my nightmare. Surprisingly
though, it's not as terrifying as I would have thought. I blink
a few times, testing my eyesight and energy, wiggle my fingers
and toes a bit to see if I'm working. Thankfully, they obey.
It's then that I notice the two people sitting at the other end
of the room, looking exhausted and somber, not noticing much
around them. My eyes drift over both of their faces. There's a
supercute, slender, brunette guy, and a girl.
My vision focuses on the young girl, about sixteen or seventeen,
with brilliant red hair, and I find her own wide eyes looking back
at me in astonishment.
"Oh my god...Adam!" She shrieks, leaping to my side in one bound,
grasping my hand tightly and kneeling to my level.
Now, more than ever, I'm wondering what the fuck is going on.
I have so many questions that they just get jumbled in my mind
and I can't formulate any of them on my tongue. The girl begins
to speak in a frantic tone, high-pitched like her whisper.
"Adam..oh Adam. I'm so glad you're alright..I can't believe this
happened..." She falters, letting out a quiet sob.
"The rest of them are outside, dealing with the press. The
producers told us we should be with them, but Kris and I said
no. We had to be here...it was the three of us since the
beginning...we had to..." She breaks off, her sobs getting the
best of her.
The cute guy, Kris, I'd guessed, walks up and rubs the girl's back.
"It's alright, Allison. He's okay," he says in a gentle voice that
sports a slight southern accent. He turns to me.
"Nice to have you back, man."
At this point, the girl, Allison, notices the bewildered look
plastered across my face.
"Adam..what's wrong?" she says, obviously concerned.
I clear my throat, preparing my words carefully. I utter out a safe
word, testing my vocal ability. "Um..." I begin. Everything seems
to be in check.
I continue.
"...who are you?"
Sooo, should I continue?