The Things That Cost You Too Much 3/5
---July 2009---
"Tell me you haven't got anything exciting planned for tonight," Darren said, his voice bursting with barely contained excitement.
"I haven't got anything exciting planned for tonight," Chris deadpanned, sinking into the same corner of the couch Darren always sat in when he came over.
"Get dressed," Darren's voice came through the phone. "I'll be over in half an hour."
"I am dressed," Chris protested. "I don't run around my apartment naked, you know."
"Shame," Darren shot back without skipping a beat. "I would, but my roommates are easily nauseated. No, seriously, wear something nice. We're going out."
"Out?" Chris asked nervously, unsure if he was reading too much into it and trying hard not to think about Darren walking around naked.
"Dinner. You know, eating. Food. Together. Look, I gotta go and make a couple more calls before I leave, but be ready, 'kay?"
The call ended, and Chris stared down at his phone for a long moment. Darren had just asked him to dinner. Not coffee, not lunch, not just to hang out and watch movies or any of the other stuff they did. Dinner. 'Something nice.' Darren's words echoed in his head, and Chris had to rest against the back of the couch in order to keep it from swimming.
Suddenly aware that time wasn't stopping just because he'd been taken by surprise, Chris bolted from the couch and ran to the bathroom for a quick shower and shave. He poked and prodded himself in a number of places before the mirror, dissatisfied with what he saw. He'd lost a fair amount of weight over the last couple of years, but there was still a certain softness about him he couldn't seem to get rid of. He was too freckled in some spots, too pale in others; everywhere he looked, all he could see was flaw. He cocked his head and wondered for a moment what Darren would think if he saw him like this, a flush rising in his cheeks at the thought. He imagined Darren standing behind him, one arm wrapped around his hips, the other one between his legs, and immediately had to force himself to think of other things. Darren probably never even considered such a thing. Sure, they'd spent a fair amount of time kissing, but it always stopped there. 'Cute' was good enough for cuddles and kisses, but it wasn't enough to set anyone on fire. Chris knew that, and he was (most of the time) happy enough for what he had.
He brushed his hair and sighed at his reflection before heading for his closet and pulling out the first thing he thought might qualify as 'nice.' It was an outfit Lea had talked him into buying when he'd visited her in New York, and he'd only worn it once, for a press thing to promote the show. The names on the labels meant absolutely nothing to him, but he did have to admit that the way they fit might be worth the money he'd paid for them. He was almost happy with his reflection.
He had just enough time to give his hair one more glance and spritz a bit of the cologne he'd just bought while out with Jenna before his phone rang to let him know Darren was waiting downstairs to be buzzed in. "Be right down," he said into the receiver, then rushed through the door and into the elevator to find Darren in the lobby.
"Man, I'm glad to see you," Darren gushed, throwing his arms around Chris and giving him a squeeze. "This has been, like, the best day ever. I couldn't wait to tell you all about it." Darren let go and took Chris's hand in his, dragging him from the building like a kid leading a lost puppy home. "You look nice," he finally said, giving Chris an appraising glance as he unlocked the car.
"Thanks," Chris swallowed. "So do you." He did, too. Darren had forgone his usual t-shirts and henleys for a button up and slacks, with a simple, but vibrant tie that matched the crazy socks just peeking around his ankles. "What's the occasion?"
Darren rested both hands on the wheel and beamed. "I just got a part on a new show, and I start filming next week."
Chris's eyes went wide and he practically bounced out of his seat with excitement. "That's great!" he enthused. "I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah," Darren nodded, his face still split into a grin the size of California. "I'm pretty stoked, myself. Especially," he said a little more softly, reaching out to place a hand on top of Chris', "because of what it means for us."
"For…us?" Chris asked lamely, completely taken by surprise.
Darren bit his lip and looked out the driver's side window, his grin still huge, but clearly reined in from how big Darren wanted it to be. "Look, I like you, Chris. I kind of get the impression you like me. I don't want to assume anything, but I'd kind of like it if there was an 'us,'" he said. "I know my recurring role isn't the same as you being a series regular or anything, but I thought maybe it would be enough that you'd know I wasn't just, like, trying to use you or something. Enough of my friends are actors for me to know how awkward dating is when one person's having more success than the other." He shrugged. "I guess I just didn't want that to be a problem with us."
"With us," Chris repeated stupidly, not entirely willing to believe his ears. "You want there to be an…us."
"If you do," Darren nodded, casting a sideways glance at Chris before merging into the next lane. "I was kind of hoping we could call this like, our first real date. Celebrate my job and make things official at the same time."
Chris slipped his hand from beneath Darren's and moved it on top, giving a gentle squeeze. "I think I'd like to celebrate us," he said shyly. "I think I'd like that a lot."
---March 2011---
"What are you doing on set?" Chris asks as he presses a clean, white washcloth to his face, dabbing away the sweat that built up under the hot lights.
"Hello to you, too," Darren says. "Alfonso said it was okay if I watched you guys film the number. You were really good," Darren waves a hand at the large block lettering on the white T-shirt Chris is wearing. "I like your shirt. Kurt's shirt." Darren shakes his head and gives a rough laugh. "I like the shirt."
"Truth in advertising," Chris says darkly. "Kurt's got his flaws, but he's always known who he is and what he wants. I've always admired that about him."
"Same," Darren nods. "He's not the only one."
"No," Chris says, eyes narrowing as he slings the towel over his shoulder and turns to walk away, "but he's man enough to admit it."
---October 2009---
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Chris said, digging into his carton of pork fried rice and picking out the peas. He hated peas. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know," Darren said, shrugging. He reached out with his own chopsticks to dump Chris's discarded peas into his own carton of shrimp fried rice. "You haven't wanted to go anywhere for a couple of weeks. I like just hanging out here with movies and takeout, but don't you ever want to do anything else?"
"Like what?" Chris asked, not looking up from his carton.
"We could go to a movie," Darren offered. "Or have dinner in an actual restaurant where someone else cleans up after us and they never run out of soy sauce."
"Soooo, instead of movies and food here, you want to watch movies and eat food somewhere else?" Chris asked, looking up and raising an eyebrow as he grinned. "Someplace where we can't make out?"
"That's it," Darren sighed melodramatically. "You're only with me for my body, aren't you? Not that I can blame you. It's kind of awesome."
Chris flicked a pea out of his carton, then laughed as Darren caught it in his mouth. "Not true."
"You don't think my body's awesome?" Darren asked, fluttering his eyes in mock-disappointment. "I thought you said I had a cute-"
"That's not what I meant, and you know it," Chris smirked and finished the last bite of his rice. "Though you do have a cute-"
"I know I do," Darren grinned, leaning across the coffee table and pressing a kiss to Chris's lips, his tongue sliding out to collect a stray drop of soy sauce from the corner of his mouth. "I just wanted to hear you say it."
"I like you for more than your body," Chris said quietly. "You're the kind of person I always wanted to be with."
"Devastatingly handsome and abundantly charming?" Darren asked, reaching into a nearby plastic bag and coming up with a packet of fortune cookies.
Chris rolled his eyes. "I was thinking more along the lines of really cool and funny. And you always say the right things - even when I wouldn't have thought they were right before I heard you say them." He cracked a cookie open and looked down at the broken pieces sitting in the palm of his hand. "You're also the only person I know who actually likes fortune cookies enough to buy extras."
"Fortune cookies are awesome. They're the only dessert that take the time to give you good advice," Darren said before biting into a cookie and pulling about half of it away from his mouth with a slip of paper tight between his teeth. He chewed happily before swallowing, popping the rest of the cookie into his mouth. He grinned and pulled the slip away and read it, but the strange cloud that fell over his face, coupled with the way he looked from it to Chris and back again, made Chris feel strangely panicked.
“What does it say?” Chris asked, reaching out for it.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Darren asked, crumpling it up and shoving the paper into his mouth. Chris made a face, but Darren just took another cookie and cracked it open. “Oh man,” he said, shaking his head. “That's just mean."
"What?" Chris asked, reaching out to take the paper as Darren swatted his hand away.
"You are often asked if it is in yet," Darren said, and when Chris laughed, he handed it over. "Fortune cookies aren't supposed to insult your sexual prowess. I have never had to give verbal confirmation that my dick was actually in someone. It may not be a mighty sequoia or anything, but it's nothing to sneeze at."
Chris went silent, his cheeks reddening as he took another sip of his Diet Coke and looked away.
"Oh, man, I'm sorry," Darren said, once Chris's reaction registered. "This," he said, waving a hand between them, "whole thing we have here is about more than that. You know that, don't you?"
Chris nodded and took a deep breath. "I do, but Darren, I-" he paused, trying to find a way to say what was on his mind. "Do you…want to?" he asked shyly.
"You're kidding, right?" Darren asked, staring blank-faced at him. "We've been boyfriends for two and a half months!"
"Exactly," Chris said, feeling like he was about to melt into the floor. "We've been dating for two and a half months, and you've never tried to…"
"Because you've never given a sign that you're ready," Darren cut him off solemnly. "Look, Chris, I know we've never really talked about it, but I know you haven't done any of this before. I don't want to push you, and I don't want you to do anything you don't want. I've been trying to follow your lead, but it looks like we've been reading each other's signals wrong."
"Maybe" Chris said, cracking open another fortune cookie and shoving another hunk of the dry, tasteless thing into his mouth. He looked up and fixed his eyes on Darren. "Boyfriends," he said, blinking his eyes. "I think that's the first time either of us has called ourselves that."
"Boyfriends," Darren grinned, prodding the toe of his sneaker against Chris's thigh beneath the table and nodding in the direction of Chris's cookie. "What's it say?"
"Which one?" Chris asked, wondering if he could get away with lying.
"Either. Both. Whatever," Darren said, opening another cookie and laughing softly. "A pleasant surprise is in store for you tonight," he read, tossing the paper onto the table.
Chris swallowed and rose to his feet just long enough to walk around the table and stand in front of Darren. "What a coincidence," he said, trying to sound braver than he felt as he lowered himself to his knees and straddled Darren's lap. He closed his eyes and kissed him deeply, slipping the strip of paper from his second cookie into Darren's hand.
"Be most affectionate today," Darren read out loud once Chris had pulled away for air. "Well," he said, shaking his head and blinking his eyes. "Who are we to deny the wisdom of the cookies?"
Chris tried not to think about the first one he'd opened. The one that read "The love of your life is sitting across from you."
He had no way of knowing that Darren's first cookie had said the same.
---
Kissing on the floor against the couch gave way to making out on the couch, and Chris felt himself burn with the weight of Darren's body above him. "Can I ask you a stupid question?" he asked nervously.
"Of course," Darren nodded, mouthing at Chris's neck. "Ask me anything you want."
Chris lifted a hand into Darren's range of vision and stabbed down toward the point where their bodies met. "What's the um, protocol, for…feeling things?" Darren's eyes clouded with confusion; Chris's cheeks burned as he clarified. "Things of yours. On my leg."
"Oh," Darren smiled, letting out a huge breath of air. "Everyone's different, and it depends on what you're comfortable with, but I, personally, am of the opinion that it's a perfectly natural response to certain activities and there's no reason to be embarrassed by it. I can pull away if you're uncomfortable, but if it's okay…" he trailed, "I really like being against you like this."
"Yeah?" Chris asked, a little surprised. "So if I…"
"Whatever you want to do," Darren said, pressing a fingertip to Chris's lips, "I will be more than happy to allow." He leaned in and brushed his lips against Chris', finger still held in between. "I've probably already thought about it."
Darren slid his finger away to deepen the kiss, and the way he rolled his hips made it clear that he meant what he was saying. "You think about…things…with me?" Chris stammered when they finally broke apart.
"Yeah," Darren whispered, lifting a hand to cradle Chris's cheek and caressing it with the pad of his thumb. "Ever since that first night. It started because you were like, this little cherub-y looking thing, but then we started dancing and felt really good and you smelled even better and there's this thing I began to see in you. I don't know how to explain it. You have this light inside of you, and it's like, the coolest thing ever. You're not like everyone else, Chris. You're special, and I'm just stoked to be around you. You're young, but you're old, and you have this way of busting out with the perfect thing to say at the perfect time, and you're just…you." He shook his head, laughing softly under his breath. "I sound kinda crazy, don't I?"
"I don't mind," Chris rasped, gingerly reaching out to place his hand on the small of Darren's back. "I'm not used to hearing it, but that just makes it nicer to hear."
"You," Darren smiled, "are adorable. You've got these cheeks," he pressed a kiss against Chris's cheek, "and this hair," he fingered a few strands around Chris's ear, "and those eyes," he stared into them, "and that mouth," he finished, tracing Chris's lips with the tip of one finger. "I've spent a lot of time thinking about that mouth," he said absently, his voice suddenly low and rough. "I've spent a lot of time thinking about all of you."
"All of me?" Chris asked. When Darren nodded solemnly, Chris swallowed hard. "I didn't want to believe it," he whispered, suddenly feeling as if every sound was too loud, too much, too everything for how he felt. "I kept telling myself you just liked to kiss. That you couldn't think of me the way I think of you."
Darren dove down and kissed him hard, hands digging into the soft flesh of his waist and hips bucking against Chris's body. "How do you think of me?" Darren murmured against his ear. "What do you think about?"
"That you're cute," Chris said shyly. "Smart. Funny. That you make me feel funny. You make every room brighter, even ordering takeout feels like an adventure when you're around. You're crazy and hyper and so full of energy that I don't always think I can keep up, but I want to, because you…you're not like anyone I've ever known. You're kind of a lunatic." Chris took a moment to try and stall the train of thought rushing through his head, but he didn't get very far before it derailed without warning. "I think about what it would be like to touch you." Darren groaned against Chris's neck. "Was that too much?" he asked nervously.
"God, no, Darren half-grunted, jerking his hips against Chris's side and breathing hotly against Chris's ear. "I want you to. I've wanted you to since the first time you brought me here."
Chris's pulse began to race and before he knew what he was doing, his hand was sliding between them. He kept his eyes locked on Darren's as he fumbled with Darren's belt, then his button, and finally the zipper of his pants. Darren's breath hitched as Chris began to pull out his cock, but Darren stopped him before he could get any further. "It's easier if they're off," he said, reaching down to push his pants off of his hips before Chris's widening eyes.
Chris hadn't allowed himself to really imagine Darren's cock, but even if he had, he didn't think he could have done it justice. It was a dusky pink shade, thick and veined and looking for all the world like the most amazing thing Chris had ever seen. He licked his lips without thinking, then swallowed thickly when he realized that he was looking at his boyfriend's dick. He was being given permission to touch it, and would likely be able to do other things with it if only he could stop staring long enough to ask. He reached out for it, torn between the urge to pull his hand away and the urge to move even faster. Darren whimpered as Chris's hand finally made contact, brushing against it with the tips of his fingers and doing his best to memorize every line and curve. It was strange, he thought, how different it felt from his own. Warmer. More textured. Different.
He stroked it gently for a few moments, testing different patterns and pressures to gauge Darren's response and find what he liked best, then ran the palm over the damp head. Darren gave a low groan, and when he responded to Chris's first tentative pumping with a pleading whine of "are you sure you've never done this to someone else?" Chris took it as the compliment he knew it was meant to be. Darren's hips rolled into Chris's touch, and when Darren grabbed him by the shoulders and began to mutter a string of obscenities as his body jerked and white fluid began to spill over Chris's hand, he thought it might be the proudest he'd felt since landing the role on 'Glee.'
"Fuck," Darren gasped, "that was…even better than I'd imagined." He gave his head a quick shake as if trying to make everything inside fall back into place, then took a moment to catch his breath. "Do you have anything I can clean off with?" he asked, suddenly sheepish. "I kind of wasn't expecting it when I left." Chris reached over and grabbed a box of Kleenex from the lower shelf of the coffee table. They weren't ideal, but they did the job. He'd used them for his own purposes more than once, after Darren had left in the past. "Thanks," Darren chuckled. "I owe you one."
"Oh, you don't-" Chris began, but stopped when he realized Darren hadn't meant it the way he'd first interpreted. "You're welcome," he corrected himself, looking away as he used a few Kleenex to wipe off his own hand.
"What if I want to?" Darren asked, resting against the back of the couch. He hadn't yet bothered to pull his pants back up, and it was all Chris could do to not stare at everything on display.
"I don't know," Chris said honestly. "I'm not sure what I want." He thought for a minute, different scenarios running through his head, each getting shot down one by one. "I want to lie down," he finally said. "In my room, if that's okay."
"Shyeah, it is," Darren grinned, leaning in to brush a kiss against Chris's lips. He stumbled a bit when he got off the couch and his pants caught around his thighs, but he recovered well enough to pull them back up and grab Chris by the arm along the way. "Hey," he said, tugging gently. "Nothing else has to happen. Not unless you want it."
"I know," Chris nodded. "I just want to know what it's like. Having someone else there. I'd like to kiss more, and…maybe some touching," he said quietly, strangely shy for talking to someone just moments after having his hand on their dick. "I don't know, but I promise I'll tell you if it gets to be too much. Is that okay?"
"More than cool," Darren said, taking Chris's hand in his and following him to the bedroom. Chris looked around hesitantly, not really sure what to do or how much he should wear while doing it, but visibly relaxed when he saw Darren kick off his shoes before lounging on the far side of the bed.
Following Darren's lead, Chris leaned over to untie his sneakers, then pulled them off and climbed onto the bed. "So…" he trailed, thrusting an arm behind his head as he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling. "Boyfriends."
"Yup," Darren answered, the grin obvious in his voice.
"Have you had a lot of them?" Chris asked softly, not really sure if he wanted the answer.
"Two; Alex and Jeremy. Three, if you count the one I thought I had but didn't." Chris turned his head to give him a glance, and Darren shrugged. "Mark was the first guy I ever messed around with. Met him freshman year at a party and went back to his room. I thought it meant something, but it turned out I was wrong." Darren reached out for his hand and pulled it close, resting it over his heart. "I guess that's why I want to be clear with you about everything. I really like you, Chris. I don't know what's going to happen with us, but I want whatever it is to be good."
Emboldened by Darren's words, Chris rolled onto his side and scooted closer, finally resting his head against the warmth of Darren's chest. "So do I," he murmured. "I really like you, too. I've never liked someone this much before, and it's kind of scary. You're older, and you've done more, and I…haven't."
"That's okay," Darren reassured him, arms wrapping tightly around Chris's upper body. "There's time. I'm not going to lie and say I don't think about what it would be like to take things to another level, but I'm not in any rush. I like spending time with you, and things like what happened in the living room would just be gravy on the awesome meatloaf that is you."
"Did you really just compare me to meatloaf?" Chris asked, pulling away enough to give Darren a look that clearly questioned his sanity.
"Hey," Darren murmured, brushing some hair out of Chris's eyes and grinning. "I like meatloaf. It's full of all these things that sound kind of weird when you list them, but when they're all mixed together," he leaned in and brushed a kiss against Chris's lips. "It's like the best thing you've ever tasted."
"Darren?" Chris asked softly, blinking as he realized for the first time just how dark the room was getting.
"Yeah, Chris?"
"You can taste me if you want to."
Darren propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at him with a blend of shock and amusement. "Christopher Ignatius Colfer, did you just not-so-subtly imply that you'd like me to go down on you?"
Chris grabbed a pillow and covered his face. "Oh, god," he groaned, dying of embarrassment. "This is why nothing's happened. I don't know how to-"
Darren laughed and pulled the pillow away. "You're learning," he said, covering Chris with his body and urging Chris's legs apart so he could rest between them. "We both are," he murmured, dipping his head to bite gently at Chris's ear.
"Darren?" Chris asked again.
"Yeah?" Darren answered, looking up at him with a soft smile.
"My middle name isn't Ignatius. It's Paul."
"I know," Darren said, kissing him on the tip of his nose. "Ignatius sounded more foreboding." He kissed Chris again, deeply and urgently, rubbing against him as Chris's hands found their way into Darren's curls. "Chris?"
"Yes, Darren?" Chris answered breathlessly.
Darren's mouth came so close to Chris's ear that he could feel the movement of his lips and the damp warmth of Darren's breath as he whispered, "I really want to taste you." Chris didn't say anything, but nodded rapidly and reached out to slip his hands beneath the hem of Darren's Phantom Planet T-shirt. Darren took the cue and pulled the shirt off over his head, then slowly unbuttoned the blue shirt Chris was wearing, revealing a plain white undershirt. "You wear too many layers," he said, placing a hand on Chris's abdomen. He pushed the thin fabric up and lowered his face to place a soft kiss just above Chris's navel. "You're lucky you're so cute." Chris pulled the undershirt off, and Darren moved to lick a trail from Chris's navel to the center of his chest. He moved slightly to the left, pressing another wide, flat kiss to the spot just above where Chris's heart lay. "I have a thing for cute."
Chris gave a soft cry as Darren's mouth slid over his left nipple. Darren looked up at Chris for reassurance, and he gave a slight nod, tightening his grip on Darren's hair. He could feel himself getting harder, and when he felt the sudden pressure of one of Darren's hands cupping him through his jeans, he nodded rapidly as his way to convey consent.
Darren got to his knees on the bed and looked intently into Chris's eyes as he once again undid his own pants and pushed them to his knees. He reached behind himself and tugged them all the way off, then knelt there for a moment, inviting Chris to look as much as he liked. He was hairier than Chris was and a lot more toned as well. He looked, Chris thought, like a man should look. Chris reached out to run a hand down Darren's front, heart racing at the excitement and realization that this wasn't a finish line, but another marker in something that would last and grow and offer many more opportunities for exploration in the future.
He thought about the fortune cookie he hadn't shared, then did his best to forget it.
Darren kept his eyes on Chris's as he reached for the button-fly of Chris's jeans and popped it open, one button at a time. He didn't break the connection, even when he reached with both hands to tug them off and Chris lifted his hips to help. Once they were on the floor, Darren rested himself back between Chris's legs and placed his hands on the soft curve of his hips. "Tell me if it's too much," he whispered. "I'll stop whenever you tell me to."
"Okay," Chris answered, heart beating so hard he thought it might just break out of his chest.
"Okay," Darren whispered back, then snaked his tongue out of his mouth to lick a warm stripe up the length of Chris's cock. Chris's hips jerked up in response; a startled cry escaped his throat. "Chris?" Darren asked, looking up at him nervously, but Chris only nodded as if to say "okay."
Darren buried the tip of his nose in the thick brown curls at the base of Chris's cock, breathing him in and rubbing his cheek against his length. "Want you to feel good," he murmured. "Want to make you feel so good…" his lips parted, and he made a line of wet, open-mouthed kisses from the base to the head before swirling his tongue around it and gliding over the slit with a soft moan. "You taste good," he said breathlessly, placing one arm over Chris's hips to help hold him down as Darren's mouth sank over him, taking him as deeply as he could and sucking gently.
"Good to know," Chris said, horrified at how much higher-pitched his voice was than usual. He'd imagined blowjobs a lot, but nothing had prepared him for the truly awe-inspiring reality of them. The perfect blend of suction and pressure, the way Darren's tongue caressed him even as his head bobbed up and down, the soft, warm wetness of Darren's mouth, the-
Oh.
Darren gripped his hips tighter and Chris felt himself bucking harder and faster as he came, an embarrassingly loud cry escaping his throat as he clutched at Darren's hair and felt like he might explode. All too soon, it was over. His body gave one final spasm as he felt himself sink harder against the mattress and he let go of Darren's hair before flinging his arms out to either side. "That…was…"
"Yeah," Darren grinned at him. "I could tell." He scooted up to brush his nose against Chris's cheek and tangled their legs together.
"Don't go home tonight," Chris said, taking Darren's hand and resting it against his chest.
"'Kay," Darren said, wrapping his arms around Chris's waist and burying his face in his hair. "You know what?" he asked a moment later.
"What?"
"I'm really glad you're my boyfriend."
"Yeah," Chris beamed in the darkness. "Me, too."
IV
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