not afraid to fall [chapter 21]
Title: not afraid to fall [chapter 21]
Author: ivoryroyale
Genre: supernatural, friendship, romance, hurt/comfort
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language
Summary: in which a group of six aren't afraid to stand tall because they have each other.
Note: 6,907 words. Sorta unbeta-ed.
-----
[ proloque] [ chapter 1] [ chapter 2] [ chapter 3] [ chapter 4] [ chapter 5] [ chapter 6] [ chapter 7] [ chapter 8] [ chapter 9] [ chapter 10] [ chapter 11] [ chapter 12] [ chapter 13] [ chapter 14] [ chapter 15] [ chapter 16] [ chapter 17] [ chapter 18] [ chapter 19] [ chapter 20]
not afraid to fall
chapter twenty-one
It's a little after 5:30 in the morning when Daehyun wakes up to the off sound of Himchan's voice, low and irritated in his ears.
At first he's a little bit annoyed, because for one thing, he was having a very nice dream involving Jongup and actually being able to talk to him without making him horribly depressed and/or humiliatingly brainwashed, and for another thing, they were just about to kiss in that dream, and Himchan just ruined everything. (But, of course, that's beside the point.)
But then Himchan says something along the lines of, "Daehyun, I know you're in love with Jongup, and if you don't get up within the next couple of seconds, you can forget about me helping your clueless ass." and all Daehyun can feel is confusion and panic wrapped into one as he rolls over and off his mattress.
His back hits the ground with a loud thump, and he feels a little disoriented at the moment, but instead of being concerned about him, Himchan just stares down at Daehyun, who's currently clawing helplessly at his blanket to help himself up. Himchan raises an eyebrow; Daehyun tries his best not to splutter.
When Himchan opens his mouth to speak again, he ultimately fails at his attempt--something akin to a dying squirrel making its way out of his mouth--and Daehyun feels utterly embarrassed, but he can't find it in himself to care, because it's five-something in the damn morning and Himchan just said he knows he's in love with Jongup
This day just started and it's already--undeniably--the most mortifying.
"Don't give me that," Himchan says, as if that keyboard smash Daehyun just spewed from his mouth was actually meant to mean something, "I swear, I bet the only people on earth who don't know you're in love with each other are the two of you."
And Daehyun's about to say something along the lines of, 'you're one to talk--look at you and Yongguk hyung' before he actually deciphers just what Himchan's words imply and he sort of gets caught repeating them over and over in his head, because holy shit, he basically just said Jongup's in love with him, too.
Daehyun feels like he's going to have some kind of nervous breakdown, before Himchan's speaking to him again, voice a little bit worried and somewhat bewildered all at the same time. "Oh my God, please don't have a panic attack. I had to deal with one of those already, yesterday, and I really don't feel like dealing with another one." The breath in Daehyun's throat catches at Himchan's words, and he fixes it with a deep inhale of air. "Seriously, you guys should be happy when you hear your crush likes you back. I don't understand why you two choose to freak out instead." (And Daehyun kind of wants to beg to differ, because he is happy. It just so happens that he's so happy, he nearly wants to vomit.) Shaking his head, Himchan places his hands on his hips and stares again, as if waiting for Daehyun to make some kind of move.
The blonde can't even murmur a simple, "What?"
(Well, he does, but it just ends up sounding delirious and incompetent--the first few letters of the word flowing into the air, only to be trapped there somewhere, because Daehyun can't function long enough to even finish it.)
Himchan looks nothing short of outraged, tongue clicking and eyes narrowing. Daehyun briefly thinks about how Himchan was a lot nicer to him before he figured out Jongup liked him back, but once again, he can't really find it in himself to care. (Because Jongup. Likes. Him. Back.
He's honestly never been this happy in his whole life.)
"What do you mean, 'what'? What are you going to do about it?"
And that right there is a very good question that Daehyun finds very difficult to find the answer to. "I--uh--I--wha--?" Daehyun manages to cough out.
The look on Himchan's face isn't amused, and Daehyun can't really blame him. "I uh I wha? You're going to I uh I wha Really?" And okay, when he says it like that of course it's going to sound like the most ridiculous thing in the world.
There are probably a million things that Daehyun can say right now to redeem himself, but instead of saying something intelligent or profound or anything along those lines, the best he can come up with is, "M-maybe?"
"You're lucky your cute," Himchan sighs, and Daehyun silently thanks him in his confusion (at least he doesn't sound completely pissed off anymore), "and you're lucky to have someone like me around to help you."
Daehyun briefly wonders if he really is lucky, before Himchan's pulling him up from the ground with surprising strength, and Daehyun's trying his best not to stumble forward because of it. Taking a moment to regain his composure, Daehyun's finally able to assemble a simple question in his head, "How in the world are you going to help me?"
Himchan gives him a smile that can only be described as wicked.
Apparently 'helping' him, as Himchan oh-so-kindly said he was going to do, involves pushing Daehyun into Jongup's room wearing nothing but his new cloud covered pajamas, with nothing more than a pat on the back and a thumbs up for good luck.
Daehyun has half a mind to bolt right out of the room, and if it weren't for the fact Himchan was waiting right outside the door, ear pressed tight to the wood to listen to every single word Daehyun says, he probably would.
"Wake him up and tell him you love him, coward!" Himchan whisper-shouts over the door, and Daehyun glares, even though the older man can't see him.
You're such a hypocrite, Daehyun wants to say, but instead he's stuck, heart stopping at the sight of Jongup, who's curled (adorably so) underneath space themed bed sheets. His heart hammers in his chest, and he finds it, once again, extremely hard to breathe. A mere glimpse at the younger boy and Daehyun's already going crazy--his mind racing and his mouth as dry as a desert. He's gone absolutely mad, he thinks, as he looks at Jongup and steps ever closer, and now that he knows--knows about his lack of sanity and the fact that Jongup loves him back--the only thing he wants right now is to march forward and tell him, face to face and heart to heart, that he loves him. Has loved him since the first day--since failed charades, awkward smiles, and washing dishes in all his lovable glory, swaying his hips and humming along to hip hop songs.
And he's about to do just that, really, he is.
He's about to spew every single thing that he's been holding back into a less than articulate string of fragmented sentences, when suddenly, Jongup stirs in his sleep and Himchan's whisper-shouting into the door again, none-too-discreetly, "Hurry up, he still has school, you know," and successfully freaks Daehyun out enough to draw him back into the turtle shell that he likes to call his personality.
Luckily, (although for who, Daehyun has no idea) the blonde's already made it halfway to Jongup's bedside when it happens.
Unluckily, Daehyun can't seem to move anymore.
He tries (probably even harder than really necessary), but no matter what he attempts to do--whether it be a simple flex of a finger, a small quiver of leg muscle, or even an uttered squeak of protest--he's stuck in the same place--incapable of both speech and mobility. The endless attempts boil over, and Daehyun curses, endlessly, over and over as quick as he can, because dammit, this is the one good thing that's going good for him right now (coincidentally, it is also the only good thing), and he'll be damned if he let it slip from his fingertips.
You can do this. You're just a few steps away from him, Daehyun--you can totally do this. The blonde breathes. Tries to take another step and ultimately fails. His eyes close, and he takes another breath into his lungs He loves you, he tells himself and that alone makes his heart jump and his pulse leap, he loves you. He feels the same exact way about you, so you don't need to be scared. Himchan hyung told you himself, Daehyun reminds himself, and the air gets stuck somewhere in his throat as he continues, thoughts churning, He said so himself--even though he may not have any proof of the matter--and... and even though he could be lying. Holy crap--what if he's lying? You totally didn't think of that--why didn't you think of that before? Oh God, oh God, oh God--
Something of a whimper escapes Daehyun's shaking form, and Jongup's, calm and peaceful lying on his bed, accordingly rolls over so that his eyes face Daehyun, right in front of his bedpost, probably as pale as a ghost. Tired brown eyes flutter open, and Daehyun briefly wonders if ducking and trying to crawl underneath the younger boy's bed as an attempt to hide would be considered appropriate behavior.
Probably not.
"Daehyun hyung...?" Jongup croaks, voice laced with confusion and unmistakable after-sleep, and Daehyun finds it funny that he still distinguishes Jongup as the most horribly attractive thing on earth, even with mussed hair, double eyelids, and morning breath.
He feels stupidly attached, idiotic, and worst of all, ridiculously in love. Jongup straightens up in bed like he's just been bitten at the bottom of his spine.
"Daehyun hyung?" Jongup repeats, voice definitely higher in octave and eyes wide in sleepy surprise. Almost comically, the brunette hoists his blanket up to his chin, covering whatever skin he possibly can with his childish bedspread, and Daehyun suddenly realizes that oh, he's shirtless.
This just got a tad bit more awkward.
"Sorry," Daehyun chokes out, arms spinning in little windmills in front of his face as his chest stutters--begging to breath, begging for calm, begging to just tell him, no matter how embarrassing it is, "sorrysorrysorry." The little cracks between his fingers as he splays them over his eyes makes it easier for Daehyun to sneak peeks at Jongup, and although he probably shouldn't--probably should be tripping over himself to leave--he finds it incredibly hard to when he sees Jongup curled in on himself, face completely red, and pupils infinitely bigger like his eyes are having a terrific time trying to adjust themselves. The sight makes mere swallowing a challenge, and the only thing Daehyun can do is gape, because wow, he really can't believe how absolutely flawless Jongup looks, even through all his minuscule imperfections. (And it's really fucking ridiculous, because imperfections are supposed to make you just that--imperfect But these--the little flyaways in his hair and the blemishes dotting his cheeks and the little crook in his nose--these just seem to add to his beauty, and it doesn't make any sense, but it's true, and Daehyun finds that he actually really, really loves all of those things, because undoubtedly, they're also the things that make Jongup so perfect.) And Daehyun swears he wasn't this bad before, swears that he could at least tolerate the attraction he tried so desperately to hide from the boy, swears he was actually good at it--at the hiding, but now--now it's a thousand times worse and a million times harder and Daehyun blames it all on the fact that Jongup looks too damn irresistible in the mornings.
Blames it all on the fact that Jongup chose to love him back despite how messed up he was.
It takes Daehyun a second to realize he's been apologizing nonstop for the last two minutes, before he finally shuts his mouth and snaps his hands back against his mouth, fingers fidgeting with the fabric of his mask. Jongup looks a little dazed, and Daehyun assumes it's because of his voice, laced with a lustful poison that Daehyun's come to hate.
Because, almost yet again, it reminds him that he can never voice the words he most desperately wants to say aloud without a risk.
Because, no matter how much he wants to, no matter how much he's planned to, he still can't tell Jongup, "I love you," and have him mean it too.
"What are you doing here?" Jongup asks, after getting over the initial influence, and Daehyun wants to say so many things. So many things following the lines of I love you I love you I love you, but instead he bites his lip to keep his mouth shut. He points the palms of his hands at Jongup to indicate he has no way to communicate, and the younger boy squints at him like he's having trouble trying to decipher what he wants to say. Daehyun clamps his bottom teeth tighter onto the skin of his lips. "Why didn't you bring your post-it notes with you, Daehyunnie hyung?" His voice is knitted with curiosity and double-knotted with a distant fondness while Daehyun's heart flips--the use of his special nickname making his heart soar.
Himchan hyung wanted me to wake you up for school, so I didn't have time to grab them, he thinks, and he wants to lie and say it out loud, but instead, the shortened version of: "School," tumbles quietly off his tongue, and even so, with just that one word, Jongup's groaning and tossing the blanket right over his head in a self-wallowing sort of manner. Daehyun can't help the chuckle bubbling its way from his mouth, and Jongup's the same with the way his ears perk at the sound.
"Ugh, why me?" Jongup whines. Daehyun honestly doesn't know the answer so he stays silent. "Tell him I'll be ready in a few minutes." He instructs, and as if Jongup was the one with voice manipulation, Daehyun mock salutes, imitating the figure of a perfect soldier--soldiers that he's watched closely and carefully since he was twelve--and turns on the balls of his feet, marching right out of the room, trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head screaming at him to turn right back around.
There's a little sigh emanating right where Jongup's bed is supposed to be, and Daehyun doesn't miss it, even as he shuts the door behind him.
He also doesn't miss Himchan, standing directly on the other side of said door, giving him the biggest, most terrifying evil eye that Daehyun has ever witnessed in the history of ever.
"What is wrong with you?" Himchan demands, and Daehyun frankly doesn't know how to respond.
"Uh--"
"All I heard from you was 'sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry' and 'school', so unless you and Jongup have some kind of secret code and that means 'I love you so much it's pathetic', that definitely did not sound like a confession to me."
Himchan definitely doesn't look too happy, and Daehyun would gladly like to stand in the middle of the hallway right outside Jongup's door, to explain to him just exactly how difficult this is and how terrified the prospect of dating and love and Jongup scare the shit out of him, but once again, he unfortunately does not have his post-its with him and so, can't. (Or more accurately, won't.)
He brings his hands up and turns them around in front of him, feigning a look of what he hopes seems like an apology; Himchan thinks otherwise.
"So you didn't confess." The older man states flatly, and after a pause, Daehyun shakes his head. There's a nod from Himchan, and he looks as if he's taken that pretty well, so Daehyun's about to give a silent smile of gratitude. But then he sees the unmistakable glint in Himchan's eyes and yet another mischievous smile, and pales, a sudden twist of dread pulling at his gut. "Okay," Himchan says, "okay." and then he pats him on the back, almost reassuringly before he states, a dangerous shift in his tone, "Breakfast it is then."
And at first, Daehyun thinks that means something along the lines of, 'Oh, that's okay, you tried, Daehyun, let's just eat breakfast and try again later', but then he realizes with a horror and utter chagrin that Himchan actually means, 'Oh, that's okay, Daehyun, you can just confess to him at breakfast, right in front of me, so you don't have to worry about messing it up anymore.'
Daehyun regrets not confessing before.
Waking up to your crush is probably one of the most pleasant and, surprisingly, the most unpleasant things you can go through. (At least, it certainly is for Jongup.)
It's pleasant, because to put it quite simply, it's Daehyun.
It's Daehyun just standing there, all awkward and adorable, completely off guard. It's Daehyun, completely nervous and fumbling in adorable cloudy pajamas, and Jongup was able to witness it all--able to see just how much Daehyun cares for him and what he'd do for him. And frankly, something about him going through the trouble just to remind Jongup about school (after he's already missed two days) is extremely endearing. He doubts Daehyun would do this for anyone else, and the sudden reminder that the blonde actually cares for him--actually loves him--hits him hard, and it's enough to make his knees weak, enough to knock him right off his feet, and enough to make him stupid, idiotic, and absolutely senseless.
Jongup's sure he has a goofy smile on his face, and he knows he probably should still feel guilty and pained, but it's becoming harder and harder when Daehyun's showing up to wake him up in the mornings and his face is the first thing he sees.
And then he catches a glimpse of himself in his bathroom mirror, and it's like all of the unpleasant things about seeing your crush first thing in the morning comes and smacks him straight across the face.
He frowns at his reflection and groans, running a hair through his unruly hair and getting it ultimately stuck. He desperately tries not to think about Daehyun at this point, because one, he looks gross and two, he can't believe Daehyun saw him like this.
The reflection in the mirror turns a brilliant shade of vermilion.
With a sigh, he glances at the clock on his nightstand, sees the numbers six, zero, zero blinking right back at him, and turns back to the mirror, pure determination burning in the whites of his eyes as he sets up his shower water.
Himchan, feeling a tad bit giddy even though he's trying to act annoyed (this is just too funny not to be fun--the looks on Daehyun's face are absolutely priceless and his actions are even better, if possible), promptly instructs the blonde to go downstairs and set the table to the best of his abilities. Just as Daehyun's about to turn on the balls of his heels and walk downstairs, Himchan remembers, with amusement, those candles and fake rose petals that he keeps in the cupboard by the fridge for special occasions. It seems a little mean, but then they're basically just collecting dust anyway, so he thinks why not, and then proceeds to mention them to Daehyun (just for entertainment, and of course, to see if he'll actually do it).
The blonde has this considerate look in his eyes, and Himchan's this close--about half a centimeter away--from completely losing it and bursting into uncontrollable laughter, before Daehyun gives him a curt nod and runs into his room to grab his post-its.
When Daehyun's figure disappears down the stairs, paper and pen clutched tightly in his hands, Himchan's self-control follows and he's left clutching at his stomach, stifling tear-jerking laughter, and he decides, in the back of his head, he shouldn't be the only one having this much fun.
When Yongguk wakes up to the sight of Himchan's toothy smirk, he nearly rolls his eyes and wonders what the younger man has gotten himself into this time. "Good morning." Yongguk mutters, voice laden with sleep, and something in Himchan's eyes flicker, like they get just a tad brighter, and Yongguk takes a brief moment to wonder why before he stretches his arms out and peers at his clock. His eyebrows furrow, dangerously so. "Okay, nevermind. I take that back. What the hell are you doing waking me up at seven in the morning? I could've gotten another hour of sleep." He still feels a little emotionally drained (literally--Junhong's new power packs one hell of a punch now), and he's sure a simple hour would've made one hell of a difference to the bags threatening to drag his eyes shut. He has a right mind to just ignore his best friend and just roll over and sleep, but then he sees the pure excitement in his eyes, and Yongguk can't really refuse to hear him out when he looks like that--like he's actually enjoying himself--not after all this time. Yongguk takes a moment to shake his head and sigh, wondering why exactly he chose a person who required such a high maintenance to be his best friend. "Fine. Whatever. Tell me what happened."
"Dude," Himchan breathes, looking as if he's having trouble catching his breath, "Daehyun is totally falling over himself trying to figure out how to confess to Jongup, and it is probably the funniest thing in the world." He pauses, looking thoughtful, and then shakes his head, taking back what he said before. "Okay, scratch that--it is the funniest thing in the universe. Seriously, you have to come see him; I have him setting up a candlelit breakfast as we speak." And yeah, the image that popped up into his head of Daehyun jumping through hoops carrying around plates and candles like a headless chicken is a little bit funny, but it's also a tad bit cruel, and he probably shouldn't laugh. The boy's been through enough in his lifetime.
"Himchan, that's just mean."
There's a hint of guilt as well as a pout tracing the corners of the brunette's mouth. "Hey, I'm trying to help."
Yongguk sighs, a slight smile threatening to lilt at the tips of his lips. "No, you're not."
Himchan thinks for a moment. "Okay, maybe I'm not. But come on, it's hilarious. You have to come see. Please? Pleeeeease?"
The smile slips and Yongguk's left staring at Himchan's sad excuse for a pout, hands clasped in front of his chin pleadingly. There's a slight, funny little tick in his chest at the sight, and Himchan only gets closer, deepening the pout and puffing out his cheeks--no doubt trying as hard as possible to be cute. "Hey," Yongguk exclaims, laughter slipping off his tongue when Himchan outright jumps onto his bed on his knees, making his way closer and closer to the older man, "okay! Okay!" Yongguk yelps, ducking his head away when Himchan's face gets a little bit too close for comfort. "You win. I'll be down in a sec."
"Yes!" Himchan shouts in triumph, pumping a fist into the air. "Victory!"
Yongguk only scrunches his face at him, earning a quick quip of oh, you're just mad you didn't win this time as he crawls out of bed and toward his wardrobe. Himchan stays on his bed, grabbing one of the little stuffed animals he likes to keep on his nightstand and hugging it to his chest. "This'll be great." The younger man says while Yongguk tosses a plain white t-shirt over his bare chest. "Ooh! Do you think you can make little fireworks in the background saying 'DaeJong forever'? But instead of spelling out 'forever' you should totally just use the number four. And the words should be in a little tiny heart. That would be classic." Himchan's laugh echoes through the room, and Yongguk beckons for him to follow as he shuts his closet and makes his way to the door, eyes rolling. Flipping off the bed and tossing the stuffed animal onto Yongguk's pillow, Himchan trails after the older man, waiting for him to open the door.
As he does, Yongguk quirks an eyebrow. "I think you're overestimating my powers a little, Himchan."
"And I think you're underestimating them." Himchan tosses him a cheeky smile.
Yongguk has no choice but to give him one back.
Youngjae wakes up to the smell of Jongup's body soap from the room next door, the sound of Himchan and Yongguk's bickering as well as Daehyun, scribbling away on a piece of paper from downstairs, and the feel of Junhong's breath against his forehead from beside him.
The bickering is somewhat annoying enough to get him to want to open his eyes, march downstairs, and fix whatever the hell is wrong, but then, Junhong's bed is really comfortable, and the little puffs of air trickling along his face and tickling his hair makes it all the more relaxing, and Youngjae really doesn't want to leave. Really doesn't think he'll ever want to leave.
And almost as if he's trying to prove a point, he burrows his way further into the blanket and nuzzles his head closer to wherever he thinks Junhong's chest is. He yawns, and Youngjae can feel, in the little slips before sleep, Junhong's arms wrapping around the blanket covering his body--not quite touching but still there. Youngjae allows himself a small smile, because he feels safe ,and it's one of the greatest feelings in the world to feel after always being afraid, and his head isn't even pestering him this morning. For once, it's completely silent, and Youngjae couldn't feel happier.
That is, until Himchan voice grows higher, clear amusement mixed somewhere inside the annoyed guise of his vocal chords, and through hours on end of sleep filled with peace, Youngjae can reluctantly make out a few phrases going along the lines of I'm telling you, you should bake him a cake and write the words, 'will you go out with me?' over the top. Jongup would totally love that, accompanied by little scratches of what he assumes is Daehyun writing out a reply and Yongguk's tiny retort of, why do every single one of your ideas have to be so corny?
He catches a wave of the rest of the conversation--can clearly imagine Daehyun's replies to each and every bit of it--and he can just tell that the three of them are all going to be totally clueless without him, so he groans and pops his eyes open, annoyance thick on the back of his tongue. Taking a glance upward, he can see Junhong staring down at him, looking nearly apologetic, and Youngjae groans again, nestling his head even closer to Junhong's chest, cheekbone grazing a collarbone and consequently causing a surge of emotion to fill Junhong's veins.
The younger decides to speak up then, "Oh, wow, they are loud." He says, in reference to Himchan and Yongguk's bickering, and Youngjae chuckles, resisting the sudden urge to nuzzle into the boy's neck.
"Now you know how I feel every second of everyday." Youngjae states, rolling over and tossing his legs over the side of Junhong's bed.
"I don't know how you do it." Junhong says, and his voice almost sounds teasing, so Youngjae looks at him over his shoulder and gives him a tired look of annoyance. "Someone's a little bit cranky." The younger boy sings, and this time, Youngjae tosses him his portion of the blanket, hitting Junhong directly in the face. He laughs; Junhong voices his distaste and laughs along too.
(Youngjae really doesn't want to leave.)
"You don't have to if you don't want to, you know." Junhong says, after he's finally pried the rest of the blanket from his face. Youngjae only stares at him, absentmindedly fidgeting with the end of his t-shirt.
"Don't have to what?" Although, Youngjae already has a pretty good idea of what he's talking about.
And Junhong probably knows that already too. "You don't have to leave. You don't have to help." The younger boy specifies, experimentally straightening himself on the bed. Youngjae can tell, from the way that he tries so desperately to stay in one spot, that Junhong really wants to start moving--really wishes he could start walking around like a normal person, and Youngjae makes a note to work on that later today. Then wonders how in the world he's going to go about teaching Junhong how to walk again. Junhong catches his eyes and Youngjae's forced to stop and listen. "You know everything's going to work out just fine, right? You don't have to put yourself through any more pain just by trying to make everyone else happy."
And Youngjae knows. He knows he can just let Daehyun give Jongup this half-assed confession that doesn't quite explain all the love that he feels for the younger boy. He knows he can just let Yongguk and Himchan handle everything and consequently allow the confession to become the awkwardest thing alive. He knows the path doesn't really matter just as long as everyone's happy in the end--he knows that, but he doesn't want that.
He wants it to be special. He wants the confession to be something that only Daehyun can give. He wants it to be clumsy and lovable and absolutely breathtaking; he wants it to be heartfelt and wonderful and everything that Youngjae wasn't allowed to have.
It's completely irrational of him, but it's what he wants, aside from the thing that he can't have.
"Yeah," Youngjae murmurs, stretching from the bed and giving Junhong a quick flash of a smile as he heads for the door, "but where's the fun in that?"
When Youngjae makes it downstairs, he sees Himchan at the stove, making pancakes, and Yongguk sitting on the counter surveying Daehyun, who is considerably busy burning himself by trying to light a candle on the table.
The genius heaves a sigh, silently shaking his head.
"Youngjae!" Himchan exclaims, all smiles, and Youngjae can't help but point out how absolutely malicious he looks beneath his pink apron. "Have you decided to join in on the fun?"
Daehyun gives him this look like he's begging to be saved, and Youngjae forgets all that happened between them yesterday in favor of saving the day.
"No," Youngjae states firmly, and Himchan tilts his head at him, "sorry, Himchan hyung," He says, making his way further into the kitchen as he continues, "but I actually want this relationship to work--give me that." He swipes the lighter away from Daehyun, saving him from any further scars, and then turns to ask Yongguk to light them. He does so with ease. Before Daehyun can thank him though, Youngjae's grabbing the older boy by the shoulders and looking him straight in the eyes.
Daehyun gulps.
"Okay, here's what you're going to do..."
Jongup, sadly, has absolutely no clue what in the world he's doing.
He's managed to get himself ready for school, thankfully, hair fashionably combed over and uniform neatly in place. He even went as far as to shave and spray on some cologne, just in case Daehyun got close enough to notice it.
But instead of heading straight to the kitchen--instead of making his way straight to where he knows Daehyun will be--he finds himself facing a more than familiar gray-green door, and he's absolutely no idea what he plans to do, but he's nervous, and he wants someone to reassure him. He wants someone that has reassured him a million times before, even though that someone may not be able to give a single care for him anymore.
He knocks and it's something they'll both recognize--to the beat of one of his and Jongup's favorite songs. There's a small, robotic reply on the other side of the door that tells him to wait a second, and Jongup does, heart jumping straight to the middle of his throat.
It's exactly three minutes and five consecutive crashes later when Junhong finally manages to open the door, and that's exactly how long it takes for Jongup's heart to stop and restart. "Jongup hyung." Junhong announces, and even though it doesn't sound like it, Jongup imagines him saying it in his voice--his old voice--and it's all okay. (At least Jongup doesn't feel the urge to burst into tears around him anymore.)
"Hey, Junhonggie," Jongup says, voice strangled, and he finds himself trying to push into the room before he notices the bandages around his abdomen and stops dead. His wounds haven't opened, but it's still scary to look at. Still scary to remember the day--Junhong slowly bleeding out on a table--and how they were this close to losing him forever. How, not even a few hours after, they realized that they had, in one way or another lost him.
"Hey. What are you doing here?"
And Jongup doesn't even beat around the bush, just lays it all out as he snaps his gaze to Junhong's dead brown eyes. "Daehyun hyung's in love with me."
And Junhong replies, not even a second later, "I know."
Jongup's stunned into a silence, and he attempts to form sentences with his mouth, but the only thing that he manages is to form circles with his lips. "Of course." He says finally, voice breaking, and he laughs, because even as nothing more than a mannequin, Junhong still is so good at detecting emotions like that. Still so much better at it than Jongup ever was or ever will be. "Yeah, I should have known that already, huh?"
Junhong stays silent; Jongup feels as though he's made some kind of mistake.
"But, um, I'm... I don't know, I guess I'm a little scared and I need--I need..." Jongup bites his lip and stares as hard as he can at the wooden floor I need my best friend.
Through his bangs, Jongup can see Junhong, his grip tightening on the doorknob, and his ears perk at the sound of Junhong answering him. "You're asking me for relationship advice." And it sounds more like a statement than a question, but Jongup nods anyway, pleading with his eyes. Junhong blinks. "You're asking the sixteen year old emotionless robot for advice on love."
And Jongup feels a little bit ridiculous now for asking, because Junhong makes a really good point, but he still stands his ground, because this is his best friend. It doesn't matter what he is--just who, and his opinion still matters to Jongup, no matter if the boy has little to none. He nods.
Blinking (he seems to be doing a lot more of that, Jongup notices), Junhong asks, tone flat, "How bad do you want advice?"
"Pretty bad." Jongup replies, chuckling, and without another word, Junhong's fingers tentatively wrap themselves around Jongup's thumb.
It's only a second, but Jongup can feel Junhong's presence imploring every scale of his body, and it's scary--almost as scary as it was the first time, when Junhong first woke up and Jongup had no idea what was going on, but he lets it happen only because he trusts Junhong better than he trusts anyone else in the world.
Junhong winces, and it catches Jongup by surprise.
The younger boy lets go, and he's like a completely different person, or rather, the exact same person as he was before.
And Jongup is nothing but surprised.
"Congrats, you're in love with him too," Junhong announces, and his voice sounds flat, but not in the mechanic way. It sounds flat in a bitter sort of way, and Jongup briefly wonders why Before he gets a chance to ask, Junhong continues, clutching at his stomach like he's suddenly in immense pain, "that's what you wanted to know, right? If you really love him or not?"
Jongup honestly doesn't know, but he nods either way.
"Well, you do. And he does. So you can go ahead and get together now." The advice is completely awkward with a hint of sarcastic and Jongup smiles, bigger than he ever has before, because Junhong's getting better. He's actually getting better, and Jongup needs to thank God a million times over, because he really missed this. "Seriously. Go. Now. I heard from Youngjae hyung that Daehyun hyung's got a surprise waiting for you downstairs."
And Jongup has a brief moment to feel confused before Junhong shuts the door with a wave.
Jongup's making his way downstairs, still a little bit confused by what Junhong said, when he takes a glance toward his sneakers and catches a glimpse of a yellow flash.
Tilting his head to the side, he bends down to examine whatever it is and finds rather curiously, that it's a post-it. One of Daehyun's if he isn't mistaken.
It reads, in Daehyun's messy scrawl: Hey. I told you before about how I'm not a good speaker, right?
And Jongup smiles and then laughs, because that's the only thing written--there's nothing on the back, and he's left even more confused than before, until he takes a couple more steps down the stairs and finds four post-it's left against the wall.
He peels down each one. The first one says: Well, I'm going to try my best here... The second says: And try to tell you how much I care about you... The third: Without making a fool out of myself. Jongup snorts as he reads the next: (Wish me luck!) A crude, little thumbs up is drawn in the bottom left corner and Jongup can't stop smiling as he rereads each and every post it.
As he travels down the staircase, Jongup finds more and more post-its, to his delight, and he reads each and every one carefully, gently pulling them from the walls or the railing or the bottom of his shoe. The little pieces of paper tell every single moment Daehyun and Jongup's ever had together, starting with once upon a time there was a very blonde, very awkward boy who took interest in a very small yet very strong bodybuilder... and ranging from the time they first met, to the time they washed dishes together to the time at the base where Jongup fell asleep on his shoulder. It's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for him, and Jongup's smile grows with every square that he reads, getting closer to the bottom of the stairs and toward the kitchen, where the trail seems to lead.
When he finally reaches the more recent events (When you gave me my first nickname and That time I nearly kissed you, because you were being really cute and I couldn't help it and so on and so forth), Jongup attempts to speed read--excitement getting the better of him.
He races down the steps and practically rips the post-its from wherever hiding spot they're in and reads as he walks:
For the longest time, I thought you hated me.
Or just wanted to be friends or... whatever.
I didn't think someone like me deserved someone like you.
And I thought you would never give me the time of day.
Because I am nothing but messed up. (And I think you know that.)
And you are absolutely perfect to me. (And I think you know that too.)
Jongup peels off the last of the post-its from the wall leading to the kitchen and finishes them off, leaning against the wall adjacent to the stairs to read, heart beating so fast he thinks it might burst:
But then I heard something amazing this morning.
From a very loud, very demanding older guy.
(I won't say his name
But it starts with a Himchan
And it ends with a 'he's a HUGE hypocrite, I swear'.)
Jongup takes a brief moment to laugh before continuing:
And he told me that you loved me.
And that made me the happiest guy on earth.
And although I still don't think I deserve someone as perfect as you.
I hope that you're willing to give me a chance...
And Jongup, too engrossed in reading the post-its, doesn't notice Daehyun, standing right in front of him--blonde hair combed perfectly and no cloudy pajamas in sight--holding a plate of pancakes, post-it attached to his neck.
And when he finally looks up, smile shining on his face, slight blush to his cheeks, Daehyun blurts out, eyes connecting with Jongup's, a sudden panic firing its way up his spine as he flushes a bright, vibrant red, "I'm sorry I used up all your post-its!" and Jongup laughs and he kind of wants to cry at the same time, because God, if this is what it's going to be like being with Daehyun, he should've confessed a thousand years earlier.
The younger boy shakes his head at him, and Daehyun waits patiently before craning his neck--trying to point out as discreetly as he can that Jongup should probably read this note as well.
Jongup squints his eyes, reads: Will you be my boyfriend? and laughs, because this is absolutely ridiculous, and he loves it.
"Of course," Jongup says, and the smile that Daehyun gives him in return makes him want to kiss him.
So, after Jongup promptly grabs the plate of pancakes from Daehyun's hands and sets it aside on one of the steps of stairs, that's exactly what he does.
And when they pull away, they see Yongguk constructing little sparks somewhere above their heads, and they hear Himchan whooping encouragingly.
And it's basically the best first kiss ever.
-----
Previous | Next
Author: ivoryroyale
Genre: supernatural, friendship, romance, hurt/comfort
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language
Summary: in which a group of six aren't afraid to stand tall because they have each other.
Note: 6,907 words. Sorta unbeta-ed.
-----
[ proloque] [ chapter 1] [ chapter 2] [ chapter 3] [ chapter 4] [ chapter 5] [ chapter 6] [ chapter 7] [ chapter 8] [ chapter 9] [ chapter 10] [ chapter 11] [ chapter 12] [ chapter 13] [ chapter 14] [ chapter 15] [ chapter 16] [ chapter 17] [ chapter 18] [ chapter 19] [ chapter 20]
not afraid to fall
chapter twenty-one
It's a little after 5:30 in the morning when Daehyun wakes up to the off sound of Himchan's voice, low and irritated in his ears.
At first he's a little bit annoyed, because for one thing, he was having a very nice dream involving Jongup and actually being able to talk to him without making him horribly depressed and/or humiliatingly brainwashed, and for another thing, they were just about to kiss in that dream, and Himchan just ruined everything. (But, of course, that's beside the point.)
But then Himchan says something along the lines of, "Daehyun, I know you're in love with Jongup, and if you don't get up within the next couple of seconds, you can forget about me helping your clueless ass." and all Daehyun can feel is confusion and panic wrapped into one as he rolls over and off his mattress.
His back hits the ground with a loud thump, and he feels a little disoriented at the moment, but instead of being concerned about him, Himchan just stares down at Daehyun, who's currently clawing helplessly at his blanket to help himself up. Himchan raises an eyebrow; Daehyun tries his best not to splutter.
When Himchan opens his mouth to speak again, he ultimately fails at his attempt--something akin to a dying squirrel making its way out of his mouth--and Daehyun feels utterly embarrassed, but he can't find it in himself to care, because it's five-something in the damn morning and Himchan just said he knows he's in love with Jongup
This day just started and it's already--undeniably--the most mortifying.
"Don't give me that," Himchan says, as if that keyboard smash Daehyun just spewed from his mouth was actually meant to mean something, "I swear, I bet the only people on earth who don't know you're in love with each other are the two of you."
And Daehyun's about to say something along the lines of, 'you're one to talk--look at you and Yongguk hyung' before he actually deciphers just what Himchan's words imply and he sort of gets caught repeating them over and over in his head, because holy shit, he basically just said Jongup's in love with him, too.
Daehyun feels like he's going to have some kind of nervous breakdown, before Himchan's speaking to him again, voice a little bit worried and somewhat bewildered all at the same time. "Oh my God, please don't have a panic attack. I had to deal with one of those already, yesterday, and I really don't feel like dealing with another one." The breath in Daehyun's throat catches at Himchan's words, and he fixes it with a deep inhale of air. "Seriously, you guys should be happy when you hear your crush likes you back. I don't understand why you two choose to freak out instead." (And Daehyun kind of wants to beg to differ, because he is happy. It just so happens that he's so happy, he nearly wants to vomit.) Shaking his head, Himchan places his hands on his hips and stares again, as if waiting for Daehyun to make some kind of move.
The blonde can't even murmur a simple, "What?"
(Well, he does, but it just ends up sounding delirious and incompetent--the first few letters of the word flowing into the air, only to be trapped there somewhere, because Daehyun can't function long enough to even finish it.)
Himchan looks nothing short of outraged, tongue clicking and eyes narrowing. Daehyun briefly thinks about how Himchan was a lot nicer to him before he figured out Jongup liked him back, but once again, he can't really find it in himself to care. (Because Jongup. Likes. Him. Back.
He's honestly never been this happy in his whole life.)
"What do you mean, 'what'? What are you going to do about it?"
And that right there is a very good question that Daehyun finds very difficult to find the answer to. "I--uh--I--wha--?" Daehyun manages to cough out.
The look on Himchan's face isn't amused, and Daehyun can't really blame him. "I uh I wha? You're going to I uh I wha Really?" And okay, when he says it like that of course it's going to sound like the most ridiculous thing in the world.
There are probably a million things that Daehyun can say right now to redeem himself, but instead of saying something intelligent or profound or anything along those lines, the best he can come up with is, "M-maybe?"
"You're lucky your cute," Himchan sighs, and Daehyun silently thanks him in his confusion (at least he doesn't sound completely pissed off anymore), "and you're lucky to have someone like me around to help you."
Daehyun briefly wonders if he really is lucky, before Himchan's pulling him up from the ground with surprising strength, and Daehyun's trying his best not to stumble forward because of it. Taking a moment to regain his composure, Daehyun's finally able to assemble a simple question in his head, "How in the world are you going to help me?"
Himchan gives him a smile that can only be described as wicked.
Apparently 'helping' him, as Himchan oh-so-kindly said he was going to do, involves pushing Daehyun into Jongup's room wearing nothing but his new cloud covered pajamas, with nothing more than a pat on the back and a thumbs up for good luck.
Daehyun has half a mind to bolt right out of the room, and if it weren't for the fact Himchan was waiting right outside the door, ear pressed tight to the wood to listen to every single word Daehyun says, he probably would.
"Wake him up and tell him you love him, coward!" Himchan whisper-shouts over the door, and Daehyun glares, even though the older man can't see him.
You're such a hypocrite, Daehyun wants to say, but instead he's stuck, heart stopping at the sight of Jongup, who's curled (adorably so) underneath space themed bed sheets. His heart hammers in his chest, and he finds it, once again, extremely hard to breathe. A mere glimpse at the younger boy and Daehyun's already going crazy--his mind racing and his mouth as dry as a desert. He's gone absolutely mad, he thinks, as he looks at Jongup and steps ever closer, and now that he knows--knows about his lack of sanity and the fact that Jongup loves him back--the only thing he wants right now is to march forward and tell him, face to face and heart to heart, that he loves him. Has loved him since the first day--since failed charades, awkward smiles, and washing dishes in all his lovable glory, swaying his hips and humming along to hip hop songs.
And he's about to do just that, really, he is.
He's about to spew every single thing that he's been holding back into a less than articulate string of fragmented sentences, when suddenly, Jongup stirs in his sleep and Himchan's whisper-shouting into the door again, none-too-discreetly, "Hurry up, he still has school, you know," and successfully freaks Daehyun out enough to draw him back into the turtle shell that he likes to call his personality.
Luckily, (although for who, Daehyun has no idea) the blonde's already made it halfway to Jongup's bedside when it happens.
Unluckily, Daehyun can't seem to move anymore.
He tries (probably even harder than really necessary), but no matter what he attempts to do--whether it be a simple flex of a finger, a small quiver of leg muscle, or even an uttered squeak of protest--he's stuck in the same place--incapable of both speech and mobility. The endless attempts boil over, and Daehyun curses, endlessly, over and over as quick as he can, because dammit, this is the one good thing that's going good for him right now (coincidentally, it is also the only good thing), and he'll be damned if he let it slip from his fingertips.
You can do this. You're just a few steps away from him, Daehyun--you can totally do this. The blonde breathes. Tries to take another step and ultimately fails. His eyes close, and he takes another breath into his lungs He loves you, he tells himself and that alone makes his heart jump and his pulse leap, he loves you. He feels the same exact way about you, so you don't need to be scared. Himchan hyung told you himself, Daehyun reminds himself, and the air gets stuck somewhere in his throat as he continues, thoughts churning, He said so himself--even though he may not have any proof of the matter--and... and even though he could be lying. Holy crap--what if he's lying? You totally didn't think of that--why didn't you think of that before? Oh God, oh God, oh God--
Something of a whimper escapes Daehyun's shaking form, and Jongup's, calm and peaceful lying on his bed, accordingly rolls over so that his eyes face Daehyun, right in front of his bedpost, probably as pale as a ghost. Tired brown eyes flutter open, and Daehyun briefly wonders if ducking and trying to crawl underneath the younger boy's bed as an attempt to hide would be considered appropriate behavior.
Probably not.
"Daehyun hyung...?" Jongup croaks, voice laced with confusion and unmistakable after-sleep, and Daehyun finds it funny that he still distinguishes Jongup as the most horribly attractive thing on earth, even with mussed hair, double eyelids, and morning breath.
He feels stupidly attached, idiotic, and worst of all, ridiculously in love. Jongup straightens up in bed like he's just been bitten at the bottom of his spine.
"Daehyun hyung?" Jongup repeats, voice definitely higher in octave and eyes wide in sleepy surprise. Almost comically, the brunette hoists his blanket up to his chin, covering whatever skin he possibly can with his childish bedspread, and Daehyun suddenly realizes that oh, he's shirtless.
This just got a tad bit more awkward.
"Sorry," Daehyun chokes out, arms spinning in little windmills in front of his face as his chest stutters--begging to breath, begging for calm, begging to just tell him, no matter how embarrassing it is, "sorrysorrysorry." The little cracks between his fingers as he splays them over his eyes makes it easier for Daehyun to sneak peeks at Jongup, and although he probably shouldn't--probably should be tripping over himself to leave--he finds it incredibly hard to when he sees Jongup curled in on himself, face completely red, and pupils infinitely bigger like his eyes are having a terrific time trying to adjust themselves. The sight makes mere swallowing a challenge, and the only thing Daehyun can do is gape, because wow, he really can't believe how absolutely flawless Jongup looks, even through all his minuscule imperfections. (And it's really fucking ridiculous, because imperfections are supposed to make you just that--imperfect But these--the little flyaways in his hair and the blemishes dotting his cheeks and the little crook in his nose--these just seem to add to his beauty, and it doesn't make any sense, but it's true, and Daehyun finds that he actually really, really loves all of those things, because undoubtedly, they're also the things that make Jongup so perfect.) And Daehyun swears he wasn't this bad before, swears that he could at least tolerate the attraction he tried so desperately to hide from the boy, swears he was actually good at it--at the hiding, but now--now it's a thousand times worse and a million times harder and Daehyun blames it all on the fact that Jongup looks too damn irresistible in the mornings.
Blames it all on the fact that Jongup chose to love him back despite how messed up he was.
It takes Daehyun a second to realize he's been apologizing nonstop for the last two minutes, before he finally shuts his mouth and snaps his hands back against his mouth, fingers fidgeting with the fabric of his mask. Jongup looks a little dazed, and Daehyun assumes it's because of his voice, laced with a lustful poison that Daehyun's come to hate.
Because, almost yet again, it reminds him that he can never voice the words he most desperately wants to say aloud without a risk.
Because, no matter how much he wants to, no matter how much he's planned to, he still can't tell Jongup, "I love you," and have him mean it too.
"What are you doing here?" Jongup asks, after getting over the initial influence, and Daehyun wants to say so many things. So many things following the lines of I love you I love you I love you, but instead he bites his lip to keep his mouth shut. He points the palms of his hands at Jongup to indicate he has no way to communicate, and the younger boy squints at him like he's having trouble trying to decipher what he wants to say. Daehyun clamps his bottom teeth tighter onto the skin of his lips. "Why didn't you bring your post-it notes with you, Daehyunnie hyung?" His voice is knitted with curiosity and double-knotted with a distant fondness while Daehyun's heart flips--the use of his special nickname making his heart soar.
Himchan hyung wanted me to wake you up for school, so I didn't have time to grab them, he thinks, and he wants to lie and say it out loud, but instead, the shortened version of: "School," tumbles quietly off his tongue, and even so, with just that one word, Jongup's groaning and tossing the blanket right over his head in a self-wallowing sort of manner. Daehyun can't help the chuckle bubbling its way from his mouth, and Jongup's the same with the way his ears perk at the sound.
"Ugh, why me?" Jongup whines. Daehyun honestly doesn't know the answer so he stays silent. "Tell him I'll be ready in a few minutes." He instructs, and as if Jongup was the one with voice manipulation, Daehyun mock salutes, imitating the figure of a perfect soldier--soldiers that he's watched closely and carefully since he was twelve--and turns on the balls of his feet, marching right out of the room, trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head screaming at him to turn right back around.
There's a little sigh emanating right where Jongup's bed is supposed to be, and Daehyun doesn't miss it, even as he shuts the door behind him.
He also doesn't miss Himchan, standing directly on the other side of said door, giving him the biggest, most terrifying evil eye that Daehyun has ever witnessed in the history of ever.
"What is wrong with you?" Himchan demands, and Daehyun frankly doesn't know how to respond.
"Uh--"
"All I heard from you was 'sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry' and 'school', so unless you and Jongup have some kind of secret code and that means 'I love you so much it's pathetic', that definitely did not sound like a confession to me."
Himchan definitely doesn't look too happy, and Daehyun would gladly like to stand in the middle of the hallway right outside Jongup's door, to explain to him just exactly how difficult this is and how terrified the prospect of dating and love and Jongup scare the shit out of him, but once again, he unfortunately does not have his post-its with him and so, can't. (Or more accurately, won't.)
He brings his hands up and turns them around in front of him, feigning a look of what he hopes seems like an apology; Himchan thinks otherwise.
"So you didn't confess." The older man states flatly, and after a pause, Daehyun shakes his head. There's a nod from Himchan, and he looks as if he's taken that pretty well, so Daehyun's about to give a silent smile of gratitude. But then he sees the unmistakable glint in Himchan's eyes and yet another mischievous smile, and pales, a sudden twist of dread pulling at his gut. "Okay," Himchan says, "okay." and then he pats him on the back, almost reassuringly before he states, a dangerous shift in his tone, "Breakfast it is then."
And at first, Daehyun thinks that means something along the lines of, 'Oh, that's okay, you tried, Daehyun, let's just eat breakfast and try again later', but then he realizes with a horror and utter chagrin that Himchan actually means, 'Oh, that's okay, Daehyun, you can just confess to him at breakfast, right in front of me, so you don't have to worry about messing it up anymore.'
Daehyun regrets not confessing before.
Waking up to your crush is probably one of the most pleasant and, surprisingly, the most unpleasant things you can go through. (At least, it certainly is for Jongup.)
It's pleasant, because to put it quite simply, it's Daehyun.
It's Daehyun just standing there, all awkward and adorable, completely off guard. It's Daehyun, completely nervous and fumbling in adorable cloudy pajamas, and Jongup was able to witness it all--able to see just how much Daehyun cares for him and what he'd do for him. And frankly, something about him going through the trouble just to remind Jongup about school (after he's already missed two days) is extremely endearing. He doubts Daehyun would do this for anyone else, and the sudden reminder that the blonde actually cares for him--actually loves him--hits him hard, and it's enough to make his knees weak, enough to knock him right off his feet, and enough to make him stupid, idiotic, and absolutely senseless.
Jongup's sure he has a goofy smile on his face, and he knows he probably should still feel guilty and pained, but it's becoming harder and harder when Daehyun's showing up to wake him up in the mornings and his face is the first thing he sees.
And then he catches a glimpse of himself in his bathroom mirror, and it's like all of the unpleasant things about seeing your crush first thing in the morning comes and smacks him straight across the face.
He frowns at his reflection and groans, running a hair through his unruly hair and getting it ultimately stuck. He desperately tries not to think about Daehyun at this point, because one, he looks gross and two, he can't believe Daehyun saw him like this.
The reflection in the mirror turns a brilliant shade of vermilion.
With a sigh, he glances at the clock on his nightstand, sees the numbers six, zero, zero blinking right back at him, and turns back to the mirror, pure determination burning in the whites of his eyes as he sets up his shower water.
Himchan, feeling a tad bit giddy even though he's trying to act annoyed (this is just too funny not to be fun--the looks on Daehyun's face are absolutely priceless and his actions are even better, if possible), promptly instructs the blonde to go downstairs and set the table to the best of his abilities. Just as Daehyun's about to turn on the balls of his heels and walk downstairs, Himchan remembers, with amusement, those candles and fake rose petals that he keeps in the cupboard by the fridge for special occasions. It seems a little mean, but then they're basically just collecting dust anyway, so he thinks why not, and then proceeds to mention them to Daehyun (just for entertainment, and of course, to see if he'll actually do it).
The blonde has this considerate look in his eyes, and Himchan's this close--about half a centimeter away--from completely losing it and bursting into uncontrollable laughter, before Daehyun gives him a curt nod and runs into his room to grab his post-its.
When Daehyun's figure disappears down the stairs, paper and pen clutched tightly in his hands, Himchan's self-control follows and he's left clutching at his stomach, stifling tear-jerking laughter, and he decides, in the back of his head, he shouldn't be the only one having this much fun.
When Yongguk wakes up to the sight of Himchan's toothy smirk, he nearly rolls his eyes and wonders what the younger man has gotten himself into this time. "Good morning." Yongguk mutters, voice laden with sleep, and something in Himchan's eyes flicker, like they get just a tad brighter, and Yongguk takes a brief moment to wonder why before he stretches his arms out and peers at his clock. His eyebrows furrow, dangerously so. "Okay, nevermind. I take that back. What the hell are you doing waking me up at seven in the morning? I could've gotten another hour of sleep." He still feels a little emotionally drained (literally--Junhong's new power packs one hell of a punch now), and he's sure a simple hour would've made one hell of a difference to the bags threatening to drag his eyes shut. He has a right mind to just ignore his best friend and just roll over and sleep, but then he sees the pure excitement in his eyes, and Yongguk can't really refuse to hear him out when he looks like that--like he's actually enjoying himself--not after all this time. Yongguk takes a moment to shake his head and sigh, wondering why exactly he chose a person who required such a high maintenance to be his best friend. "Fine. Whatever. Tell me what happened."
"Dude," Himchan breathes, looking as if he's having trouble catching his breath, "Daehyun is totally falling over himself trying to figure out how to confess to Jongup, and it is probably the funniest thing in the world." He pauses, looking thoughtful, and then shakes his head, taking back what he said before. "Okay, scratch that--it is the funniest thing in the universe. Seriously, you have to come see him; I have him setting up a candlelit breakfast as we speak." And yeah, the image that popped up into his head of Daehyun jumping through hoops carrying around plates and candles like a headless chicken is a little bit funny, but it's also a tad bit cruel, and he probably shouldn't laugh. The boy's been through enough in his lifetime.
"Himchan, that's just mean."
There's a hint of guilt as well as a pout tracing the corners of the brunette's mouth. "Hey, I'm trying to help."
Yongguk sighs, a slight smile threatening to lilt at the tips of his lips. "No, you're not."
Himchan thinks for a moment. "Okay, maybe I'm not. But come on, it's hilarious. You have to come see. Please? Pleeeeease?"
The smile slips and Yongguk's left staring at Himchan's sad excuse for a pout, hands clasped in front of his chin pleadingly. There's a slight, funny little tick in his chest at the sight, and Himchan only gets closer, deepening the pout and puffing out his cheeks--no doubt trying as hard as possible to be cute. "Hey," Yongguk exclaims, laughter slipping off his tongue when Himchan outright jumps onto his bed on his knees, making his way closer and closer to the older man, "okay! Okay!" Yongguk yelps, ducking his head away when Himchan's face gets a little bit too close for comfort. "You win. I'll be down in a sec."
"Yes!" Himchan shouts in triumph, pumping a fist into the air. "Victory!"
Yongguk only scrunches his face at him, earning a quick quip of oh, you're just mad you didn't win this time as he crawls out of bed and toward his wardrobe. Himchan stays on his bed, grabbing one of the little stuffed animals he likes to keep on his nightstand and hugging it to his chest. "This'll be great." The younger man says while Yongguk tosses a plain white t-shirt over his bare chest. "Ooh! Do you think you can make little fireworks in the background saying 'DaeJong forever'? But instead of spelling out 'forever' you should totally just use the number four. And the words should be in a little tiny heart. That would be classic." Himchan's laugh echoes through the room, and Yongguk beckons for him to follow as he shuts his closet and makes his way to the door, eyes rolling. Flipping off the bed and tossing the stuffed animal onto Yongguk's pillow, Himchan trails after the older man, waiting for him to open the door.
As he does, Yongguk quirks an eyebrow. "I think you're overestimating my powers a little, Himchan."
"And I think you're underestimating them." Himchan tosses him a cheeky smile.
Yongguk has no choice but to give him one back.
Youngjae wakes up to the smell of Jongup's body soap from the room next door, the sound of Himchan and Yongguk's bickering as well as Daehyun, scribbling away on a piece of paper from downstairs, and the feel of Junhong's breath against his forehead from beside him.
The bickering is somewhat annoying enough to get him to want to open his eyes, march downstairs, and fix whatever the hell is wrong, but then, Junhong's bed is really comfortable, and the little puffs of air trickling along his face and tickling his hair makes it all the more relaxing, and Youngjae really doesn't want to leave. Really doesn't think he'll ever want to leave.
And almost as if he's trying to prove a point, he burrows his way further into the blanket and nuzzles his head closer to wherever he thinks Junhong's chest is. He yawns, and Youngjae can feel, in the little slips before sleep, Junhong's arms wrapping around the blanket covering his body--not quite touching but still there. Youngjae allows himself a small smile, because he feels safe ,and it's one of the greatest feelings in the world to feel after always being afraid, and his head isn't even pestering him this morning. For once, it's completely silent, and Youngjae couldn't feel happier.
That is, until Himchan voice grows higher, clear amusement mixed somewhere inside the annoyed guise of his vocal chords, and through hours on end of sleep filled with peace, Youngjae can reluctantly make out a few phrases going along the lines of I'm telling you, you should bake him a cake and write the words, 'will you go out with me?' over the top. Jongup would totally love that, accompanied by little scratches of what he assumes is Daehyun writing out a reply and Yongguk's tiny retort of, why do every single one of your ideas have to be so corny?
He catches a wave of the rest of the conversation--can clearly imagine Daehyun's replies to each and every bit of it--and he can just tell that the three of them are all going to be totally clueless without him, so he groans and pops his eyes open, annoyance thick on the back of his tongue. Taking a glance upward, he can see Junhong staring down at him, looking nearly apologetic, and Youngjae groans again, nestling his head even closer to Junhong's chest, cheekbone grazing a collarbone and consequently causing a surge of emotion to fill Junhong's veins.
The younger decides to speak up then, "Oh, wow, they are loud." He says, in reference to Himchan and Yongguk's bickering, and Youngjae chuckles, resisting the sudden urge to nuzzle into the boy's neck.
"Now you know how I feel every second of everyday." Youngjae states, rolling over and tossing his legs over the side of Junhong's bed.
"I don't know how you do it." Junhong says, and his voice almost sounds teasing, so Youngjae looks at him over his shoulder and gives him a tired look of annoyance. "Someone's a little bit cranky." The younger boy sings, and this time, Youngjae tosses him his portion of the blanket, hitting Junhong directly in the face. He laughs; Junhong voices his distaste and laughs along too.
(Youngjae really doesn't want to leave.)
"You don't have to if you don't want to, you know." Junhong says, after he's finally pried the rest of the blanket from his face. Youngjae only stares at him, absentmindedly fidgeting with the end of his t-shirt.
"Don't have to what?" Although, Youngjae already has a pretty good idea of what he's talking about.
And Junhong probably knows that already too. "You don't have to leave. You don't have to help." The younger boy specifies, experimentally straightening himself on the bed. Youngjae can tell, from the way that he tries so desperately to stay in one spot, that Junhong really wants to start moving--really wishes he could start walking around like a normal person, and Youngjae makes a note to work on that later today. Then wonders how in the world he's going to go about teaching Junhong how to walk again. Junhong catches his eyes and Youngjae's forced to stop and listen. "You know everything's going to work out just fine, right? You don't have to put yourself through any more pain just by trying to make everyone else happy."
And Youngjae knows. He knows he can just let Daehyun give Jongup this half-assed confession that doesn't quite explain all the love that he feels for the younger boy. He knows he can just let Yongguk and Himchan handle everything and consequently allow the confession to become the awkwardest thing alive. He knows the path doesn't really matter just as long as everyone's happy in the end--he knows that, but he doesn't want that.
He wants it to be special. He wants the confession to be something that only Daehyun can give. He wants it to be clumsy and lovable and absolutely breathtaking; he wants it to be heartfelt and wonderful and everything that Youngjae wasn't allowed to have.
It's completely irrational of him, but it's what he wants, aside from the thing that he can't have.
"Yeah," Youngjae murmurs, stretching from the bed and giving Junhong a quick flash of a smile as he heads for the door, "but where's the fun in that?"
When Youngjae makes it downstairs, he sees Himchan at the stove, making pancakes, and Yongguk sitting on the counter surveying Daehyun, who is considerably busy burning himself by trying to light a candle on the table.
The genius heaves a sigh, silently shaking his head.
"Youngjae!" Himchan exclaims, all smiles, and Youngjae can't help but point out how absolutely malicious he looks beneath his pink apron. "Have you decided to join in on the fun?"
Daehyun gives him this look like he's begging to be saved, and Youngjae forgets all that happened between them yesterday in favor of saving the day.
"No," Youngjae states firmly, and Himchan tilts his head at him, "sorry, Himchan hyung," He says, making his way further into the kitchen as he continues, "but I actually want this relationship to work--give me that." He swipes the lighter away from Daehyun, saving him from any further scars, and then turns to ask Yongguk to light them. He does so with ease. Before Daehyun can thank him though, Youngjae's grabbing the older boy by the shoulders and looking him straight in the eyes.
Daehyun gulps.
"Okay, here's what you're going to do..."
Jongup, sadly, has absolutely no clue what in the world he's doing.
He's managed to get himself ready for school, thankfully, hair fashionably combed over and uniform neatly in place. He even went as far as to shave and spray on some cologne, just in case Daehyun got close enough to notice it.
But instead of heading straight to the kitchen--instead of making his way straight to where he knows Daehyun will be--he finds himself facing a more than familiar gray-green door, and he's absolutely no idea what he plans to do, but he's nervous, and he wants someone to reassure him. He wants someone that has reassured him a million times before, even though that someone may not be able to give a single care for him anymore.
He knocks and it's something they'll both recognize--to the beat of one of his and Jongup's favorite songs. There's a small, robotic reply on the other side of the door that tells him to wait a second, and Jongup does, heart jumping straight to the middle of his throat.
It's exactly three minutes and five consecutive crashes later when Junhong finally manages to open the door, and that's exactly how long it takes for Jongup's heart to stop and restart. "Jongup hyung." Junhong announces, and even though it doesn't sound like it, Jongup imagines him saying it in his voice--his old voice--and it's all okay. (At least Jongup doesn't feel the urge to burst into tears around him anymore.)
"Hey, Junhonggie," Jongup says, voice strangled, and he finds himself trying to push into the room before he notices the bandages around his abdomen and stops dead. His wounds haven't opened, but it's still scary to look at. Still scary to remember the day--Junhong slowly bleeding out on a table--and how they were this close to losing him forever. How, not even a few hours after, they realized that they had, in one way or another lost him.
"Hey. What are you doing here?"
And Jongup doesn't even beat around the bush, just lays it all out as he snaps his gaze to Junhong's dead brown eyes. "Daehyun hyung's in love with me."
And Junhong replies, not even a second later, "I know."
Jongup's stunned into a silence, and he attempts to form sentences with his mouth, but the only thing that he manages is to form circles with his lips. "Of course." He says finally, voice breaking, and he laughs, because even as nothing more than a mannequin, Junhong still is so good at detecting emotions like that. Still so much better at it than Jongup ever was or ever will be. "Yeah, I should have known that already, huh?"
Junhong stays silent; Jongup feels as though he's made some kind of mistake.
"But, um, I'm... I don't know, I guess I'm a little scared and I need--I need..." Jongup bites his lip and stares as hard as he can at the wooden floor I need my best friend.
Through his bangs, Jongup can see Junhong, his grip tightening on the doorknob, and his ears perk at the sound of Junhong answering him. "You're asking me for relationship advice." And it sounds more like a statement than a question, but Jongup nods anyway, pleading with his eyes. Junhong blinks. "You're asking the sixteen year old emotionless robot for advice on love."
And Jongup feels a little bit ridiculous now for asking, because Junhong makes a really good point, but he still stands his ground, because this is his best friend. It doesn't matter what he is--just who, and his opinion still matters to Jongup, no matter if the boy has little to none. He nods.
Blinking (he seems to be doing a lot more of that, Jongup notices), Junhong asks, tone flat, "How bad do you want advice?"
"Pretty bad." Jongup replies, chuckling, and without another word, Junhong's fingers tentatively wrap themselves around Jongup's thumb.
It's only a second, but Jongup can feel Junhong's presence imploring every scale of his body, and it's scary--almost as scary as it was the first time, when Junhong first woke up and Jongup had no idea what was going on, but he lets it happen only because he trusts Junhong better than he trusts anyone else in the world.
Junhong winces, and it catches Jongup by surprise.
The younger boy lets go, and he's like a completely different person, or rather, the exact same person as he was before.
And Jongup is nothing but surprised.
"Congrats, you're in love with him too," Junhong announces, and his voice sounds flat, but not in the mechanic way. It sounds flat in a bitter sort of way, and Jongup briefly wonders why Before he gets a chance to ask, Junhong continues, clutching at his stomach like he's suddenly in immense pain, "that's what you wanted to know, right? If you really love him or not?"
Jongup honestly doesn't know, but he nods either way.
"Well, you do. And he does. So you can go ahead and get together now." The advice is completely awkward with a hint of sarcastic and Jongup smiles, bigger than he ever has before, because Junhong's getting better. He's actually getting better, and Jongup needs to thank God a million times over, because he really missed this. "Seriously. Go. Now. I heard from Youngjae hyung that Daehyun hyung's got a surprise waiting for you downstairs."
And Jongup has a brief moment to feel confused before Junhong shuts the door with a wave.
Jongup's making his way downstairs, still a little bit confused by what Junhong said, when he takes a glance toward his sneakers and catches a glimpse of a yellow flash.
Tilting his head to the side, he bends down to examine whatever it is and finds rather curiously, that it's a post-it. One of Daehyun's if he isn't mistaken.
It reads, in Daehyun's messy scrawl: Hey. I told you before about how I'm not a good speaker, right?
And Jongup smiles and then laughs, because that's the only thing written--there's nothing on the back, and he's left even more confused than before, until he takes a couple more steps down the stairs and finds four post-it's left against the wall.
He peels down each one. The first one says: Well, I'm going to try my best here... The second says: And try to tell you how much I care about you... The third: Without making a fool out of myself. Jongup snorts as he reads the next: (Wish me luck!) A crude, little thumbs up is drawn in the bottom left corner and Jongup can't stop smiling as he rereads each and every post it.
As he travels down the staircase, Jongup finds more and more post-its, to his delight, and he reads each and every one carefully, gently pulling them from the walls or the railing or the bottom of his shoe. The little pieces of paper tell every single moment Daehyun and Jongup's ever had together, starting with once upon a time there was a very blonde, very awkward boy who took interest in a very small yet very strong bodybuilder... and ranging from the time they first met, to the time they washed dishes together to the time at the base where Jongup fell asleep on his shoulder. It's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for him, and Jongup's smile grows with every square that he reads, getting closer to the bottom of the stairs and toward the kitchen, where the trail seems to lead.
When he finally reaches the more recent events (When you gave me my first nickname and That time I nearly kissed you, because you were being really cute and I couldn't help it and so on and so forth), Jongup attempts to speed read--excitement getting the better of him.
He races down the steps and practically rips the post-its from wherever hiding spot they're in and reads as he walks:
For the longest time, I thought you hated me.
Or just wanted to be friends or... whatever.
I didn't think someone like me deserved someone like you.
And I thought you would never give me the time of day.
Because I am nothing but messed up. (And I think you know that.)
And you are absolutely perfect to me. (And I think you know that too.)
Jongup peels off the last of the post-its from the wall leading to the kitchen and finishes them off, leaning against the wall adjacent to the stairs to read, heart beating so fast he thinks it might burst:
But then I heard something amazing this morning.
From a very loud, very demanding older guy.
(I won't say his name
But it starts with a Himchan
And it ends with a 'he's a HUGE hypocrite, I swear'.)
Jongup takes a brief moment to laugh before continuing:
And he told me that you loved me.
And that made me the happiest guy on earth.
And although I still don't think I deserve someone as perfect as you.
I hope that you're willing to give me a chance...
And Jongup, too engrossed in reading the post-its, doesn't notice Daehyun, standing right in front of him--blonde hair combed perfectly and no cloudy pajamas in sight--holding a plate of pancakes, post-it attached to his neck.
And when he finally looks up, smile shining on his face, slight blush to his cheeks, Daehyun blurts out, eyes connecting with Jongup's, a sudden panic firing its way up his spine as he flushes a bright, vibrant red, "I'm sorry I used up all your post-its!" and Jongup laughs and he kind of wants to cry at the same time, because God, if this is what it's going to be like being with Daehyun, he should've confessed a thousand years earlier.
The younger boy shakes his head at him, and Daehyun waits patiently before craning his neck--trying to point out as discreetly as he can that Jongup should probably read this note as well.
Jongup squints his eyes, reads: Will you be my boyfriend? and laughs, because this is absolutely ridiculous, and he loves it.
"Of course," Jongup says, and the smile that Daehyun gives him in return makes him want to kiss him.
So, after Jongup promptly grabs the plate of pancakes from Daehyun's hands and sets it aside on one of the steps of stairs, that's exactly what he does.
And when they pull away, they see Yongguk constructing little sparks somewhere above their heads, and they hear Himchan whooping encouragingly.
And it's basically the best first kiss ever.
-----
Previous | Next