Happy Mother's Day!
An encore posting, courtesy of the itzWicks WayBack Machine, from May 8, 2005..
As a male, I often look at the other gender (usually from the neck up, unless more than three inches or more of cleavage is showing, at which time I *will* stare), and I wonder what it must be like to have the capacity to physically bring NEW life into the world.
But after watching the chest bursting scene in Alien, I change my mind rather quickly.
Is it a blessing or is it a curse to be able to tee up your DNA (to include personality, physical attributes, etc.) into tiny packages, only to have some half-drunk male in the back seat of a car trying to corrupt the mini-YOUs with genetic material that could possibly wreck the feng-shui of the human population in your backyard?
Only time will tell.
There must be something unbelievable about holding a newly born kidling in a woman's hands, because nearly all females still seem to want to go through the whole thing. Conversely, there must be something unbelievably bad about the remnants of the procedure, because I have yet to see ONE Placenta Palace (Home of the juiciest, tastiest..) in downtown Duncan. Hmmm.. we don't have any Jack-In-The-Box restaurants either, so that may not be saying much anyway.
Raising kidlings is a whole other matter all together. A mother is often expected to have eyes in the back of her head, extra long arms to pull the young away from danger at a moment's notice, and ultra-fast reflexes to connect the two together.
All males really expect moms to have are nice breasts. For the children.
So many events in a lifetime can be boiled down to how mothers react to what you do:
Learn to crawl: Mom smiles
Learn to walk: Mom smiles with glee
Learn to run: Mom's smile starts waning
Learn to drive: Mom stop smiling
Learn to have intercourse: Mom starts glaring at potential mates
Learn to be a responsible adult: Mom at this point already have one foot in the grave, but hey, at least she's smiling again!
I can only hope that we do right by our own mothers much sooner than later. And you better believe that those of us who actually like roaming the earth are thankful that our mothers chose LIFE over convenience, slender hips, and a tight belly. Granted, there are some moms who are able to restore themselves to their previous appearance. But for the vast majority who can't, as a guy who loves women regardless of shape, I can still look you all collectively in the eye and say..
..if you continue to put three inches of cleavage in front of my face, I will stare. Everything else is forgivable. ;-)
Happy Mother's Day! May your children appreciate the ultimate gift you have given them. And may the person who is helping to rear those kidlings also know that they count as well.
***
PS: If you know a woman who has lost, or is otherwise losing a child; a mother who has lost her mom (recently or in the past); a woman who is unable to naturally become a mother on her own, please give her an extra hug and a word of comfort for the rest of us. This promises to be a long day for them, so keep lots of chocolate handy.
As a male, I often look at the other gender (usually from the neck up, unless more than three inches or more of cleavage is showing, at which time I *will* stare), and I wonder what it must be like to have the capacity to physically bring NEW life into the world.
But after watching the chest bursting scene in Alien, I change my mind rather quickly.
Is it a blessing or is it a curse to be able to tee up your DNA (to include personality, physical attributes, etc.) into tiny packages, only to have some half-drunk male in the back seat of a car trying to corrupt the mini-YOUs with genetic material that could possibly wreck the feng-shui of the human population in your backyard?
Only time will tell.
There must be something unbelievable about holding a newly born kidling in a woman's hands, because nearly all females still seem to want to go through the whole thing. Conversely, there must be something unbelievably bad about the remnants of the procedure, because I have yet to see ONE Placenta Palace (Home of the juiciest, tastiest..) in downtown Duncan. Hmmm.. we don't have any Jack-In-The-Box restaurants either, so that may not be saying much anyway.
Raising kidlings is a whole other matter all together. A mother is often expected to have eyes in the back of her head, extra long arms to pull the young away from danger at a moment's notice, and ultra-fast reflexes to connect the two together.
All males really expect moms to have are nice breasts. For the children.
So many events in a lifetime can be boiled down to how mothers react to what you do:
Learn to crawl: Mom smiles
Learn to walk: Mom smiles with glee
Learn to run: Mom's smile starts waning
Learn to drive: Mom stop smiling
Learn to have intercourse: Mom starts glaring at potential mates
Learn to be a responsible adult: Mom at this point already have one foot in the grave, but hey, at least she's smiling again!
I can only hope that we do right by our own mothers much sooner than later. And you better believe that those of us who actually like roaming the earth are thankful that our mothers chose LIFE over convenience, slender hips, and a tight belly. Granted, there are some moms who are able to restore themselves to their previous appearance. But for the vast majority who can't, as a guy who loves women regardless of shape, I can still look you all collectively in the eye and say..
..if you continue to put three inches of cleavage in front of my face, I will stare. Everything else is forgivable. ;-)
Happy Mother's Day! May your children appreciate the ultimate gift you have given them. And may the person who is helping to rear those kidlings also know that they count as well.
***
PS: If you know a woman who has lost, or is otherwise losing a child; a mother who has lost her mom (recently or in the past); a woman who is unable to naturally become a mother on her own, please give her an extra hug and a word of comfort for the rest of us. This promises to be a long day for them, so keep lots of chocolate handy.