just_muse_me | 13.4.1. Clueless
13.4.1. Clueless
Co-written with supermarketsam
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Sam was deep asleep, lost in a dream that was keeping her warm. T's strong arms wrapped tightly around her as they kissed, Sam's fingers digging into the corded muscle of his back. Just as he was about to whisper something in her ear, a noise cut through her dream, making her groan in protest. The noise got louder as it penetrated her sleep-addled brain and she reached out to pick up her phone. "Y'all better have a good reason t'be callin' me this late. I'll have ya know that was pretty damn good dream I was havin'." Her eyes stayed closed as she listened to the voice on the other end. "'Kay... gimme a few minutes. You still got ice cream, right?"
After Sam hung up the phone, she dragged herself into a sitting position and rubbed her hands against her face. Images of a very naked Tim Riggins swam behind her eyes and she cursed the fact she'd ever actually slept with him. It meant she knew every little detail, and she could even feel his skin under her fingertips and feel the stubble scrape against her cheek. She swore under breath and turned on her stereo to try and wake herself up enough to pull on a hoodie and jeans. Sam unlatched her window and climbed out, another curse as she stumbled through her mother's flower bed. Surely her parents knew about her sneaking out to see her best friend. They'd never stopped her though, and she was grateful. Although it wasn't like J would be sneaking through her window any more.
Five minutes later Sam was climbing through J's window and into his room. She looked at him and gave him a sleepy smile before she closed the window, kicked off her shoes and crawled onto his bed beside him. "Alright, J. What's the quad emergency? Thought we agreed on no booty calls."
Jason had been sitting up in bed waiting for Sam to come. Normally he wouldn't be such an ass as to call her in the middle of the night but he hadn't been able to sleep. His stomach was tied up in knots and he couldn't switch his mind off. In the old days, this sort of sleepless night would be stemming from game strategies and plays running over and over in his head but this was a whole different ball game. He sunk back against his pillow which had been shoved up against the headboard and bit his lip. "I need your help. I've lost my mojo," he declared.
Sam raised her eyebrow. "Really? You could've fooled me..." She held up a hand before he protested that she needed to take this seriously. Because she was sure that whatever had happened was serious to him. "What d'ya mean you've lost your mojo? Did somethin' happen with Mac?"
"Sort of..." Jason confirmed. If he wasn't paralysed, he'd be wriggling in his seat by now. "See, when we were walking back to the trucks. Well, y'all were walking and I was... yeah, you get the idea. Well, I kinda asked her out on a date. And she said yes. And we're going tomorrow night." He glanced at the clock. It was after one am. "Okay, we're going tonight and it feels like so damn long since I've been on a date and you know, I think the last date I went on was from that internet dating site where the chick said she liked people in wheelchairs but really just liked people pissing on her, but that's a whole other story. I haven't dated in forever and I want it to be real nice because I really like her and I think I forget even what romance is because all that shit I used to do in the past kinda involved having legs."
Sam frowned as she pulled her sleeves down over her hands and hugged herself to keep warm. "Your romancin' involved legs? What were ya doin' with legs? Tell me ya didn't go around lickin' legs or anythin'. Ya didn't give your girls bunches of dolls legs? No wonder Lyla was always creepy. Did she like the legs? She probably ate 'em for breakfast." Sam's eyes slipped closed and she scrunched up her face. "Sorry. Bein' half asleep makes me ramble. You wanna know what you're s'posed to do on your date? Well, ya can start by makin' sure ya take her somewhere chair friendly. And not somewhere too fancy. Too fancy means pressure."
"No, I just..." Jason stopped, sighing and put his wrist up to his head for a few moments. "The practical stuff is just second nature. I mean... the romance. To make it nice. To make her not want to run screaming into the sunset at the prospect of being on a date with me. It's been ages, S. Like, the last time I went on anything that even remotely resembled a date was with Suzy and that's the night Lyla caught us kissing. I don't want anything to fuck it up."
Sam nodded. "'Kay... So let's think about this... Christ, I can't even remember when I last went on a romantic date. Ya sure ya want me to give ya advice? All I can really tell ya is what I think would be nice. Ya gotta compliment what she wears... make sure she knows you're there for her and not for some other reason. Even if ya are thinkin' 'bout sex, it's still gotta be sex with her. Ya can't be thinkin' 'bout anyone else."
"Who else am I gonna ask?" Jason said helplessly. "Timmy?" He shook his head and snorted. He started to chew on his thumb nail, eyes on the football posters on the wall opposite the bed and then frowned. "Why would I be thinking about anyone else? There is no one else and that's a whole other thing. I can't exactly control what goes on in my pants. Do you think she'll think it's weird if I wear a really long coat?"
Sam snickered. "Some guys do, I'm sure of it. They might be on a date with ya, but they're thinkin' about the waitress, or the girl on the next table, or the girl that they're gonna go home and fuck... Not everyone is you, Jason. They ain't all attentive. I know you're a great guy, but if ya start tryin' to overthink things and not concentrate on her... then it's all gonna go haywire. I think she'll wonder what you're doin' wearin' a long coat, but she probably won't think it's weird."
"That might be easier to explain than why I have a dirty great boner half way through the first course," Jason said and put his head back against the pillow. "How did this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen. I mean, I've never even really thought about her like that before. She's Mr MacKenzie's daughter! She helped me with my Science homework, but that was it. I'm not supposed to be dating, you know? I was trying to figure everything else out and I don't even know how it all happened. It just... did. Am I doing the right thing here?"
Sam smirked. She was still wondering if she should maybe tell Jason about Mac's crush, but she kept her mouth shut. "It happened because there was spark, and ya both want each other and there ain't a thing in the world that's gonna stop it. There ain't any exes, there ain't any complications other than her arm and your crotch. There's no her fuckin' T, there's no pee, there's no nothin' but you and Mac. Don't even think about Mr MacKenzie, although it might help control your dirty great boner if ya do."
Jason looked at her helplessly. "What happens if it goes really well? I mean, it's a first date. Should I, um, invite her back or something? And don't laugh! It was different with Lyla. We were school kids and there wasn't really dating. There was hanging out and burgers. There was only sex because I said I would marry her. Then it was just a bunch of one night stands that never had a hope of coming to anything. But I've known Mac for years. I don't want to do anything wrong by her or be disrespectful or whatever."
"Well, just between you and me, J..." Sam bit her lip as she looked at him and sunk a little lower so her head was next to his on the pillow, "I don't think ya gotta worry 'bout bein' disrespectful. Mac likes ya, you like her. If it does happen fast, then just go with it. Just make sure you don't wheel away before mornin', or anythin'. And don't bring her back here... sex with the parents in the house ain't real romantic."
Jason frowned. "Where am I gonna take her? She's staying with her parents, too. But then if I book a guest house or hotel or something, isn't it gonna look like I planned it and maybe that's all I wanted? Which it's not. I mean, sure, it would be nice. She's hot! And when she kisses me it's just amazing, but I don't want her to think that I just asked her on a date to get to next base or whatever and I hate baseball, so that metaphor shits me, just so you know." Clearly it was his turn to be rambling. "What happened between you and Tim, anyway? He was in a foul mood when he first showed up."
"So don't book anythin'. If somethin' happens, maybe ya are gonna have to come back to yours... and just be quiet. No screamin'. I guess if ya fall outta bed though, at least your dad will be here to pick ya up." Sam groaned and stuck her tongue out in disgust. "We talked. He's hurtin', and apparently we're infringin' on his right to hurt. He's still gettin' over Lyla and can't think about anyone, or anythin' and he's just... we hurt him more. He hated that I slept with ya. I think I messed up, J."
"See, no," was Jason's reply with a shake of his head. "He doesn't get to be hurt that you slept with me. He just doesn't. He can't have his cake and eat it too. I know he's got a lot of shit going on but you weren't dating him. He gets to fuck anything with boobs and a vagina - and does - but throws a tanty because you and I had a bit of fun together? He doesn't get to play by that rulebook after sleeping with my girlfriend and then going on to date her. If he was dating you and asked me to steer clear, then maybe it would be different but he can't grow a conscience all of a sudden because someone else was playing with his favourite toy. Sorry, S. That was a terrible example, but he's acting like a kid."
Sam sunk down and kept her arms wrapped around herself, and looked at him sheepishly. "So I shouldn't have kinda, maybe, apologised profusely and asked for forgiveness? I mean, not that I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't know he was hurtin'. That's what I was sorry for. I didn't... I mean, he's not..." Sam sighed as she turned her head away so she wasn't looking at Jason any more. "I still don't get what it is he wants. What I am to him. He was so stuck on me sleepin' with his best friend and apparently it wasn't the same as me sleepin' with him 'cause I declared my whatever to him."
"He's hurting over a break up. Yeah, okay. I get that. Fair enough. He doesn't want another relationship so soon. Yep, also get that one. But none of that is an issue of you and me sleeping together. He said he doesn't want to date you, so he's not dating you. So, no, you shouldn't have begged for forgiveness because you did nothing wrong. It's two separate things here and he's mashing them all into one because his brain can't process whether he should be dating you or not. He's getting his boxers in a twist about me having sex with you because that's easier to get the shits over than being angry at himself for not really knowing what the hell he should be thinking," Jason said and shook his head. "I don't regret it. He's gonna have to live with it because we did nothing wrong."
"He makes my head hurt sometimes. I don't even get how he could know anythin' in that head of his. He told me he couldn't hold my hand while I get a tattoo because he ain't good at that stuff. That you're better at it. I mean, I love ya J, but I wanted him to hold my hand..." Sam rolled onto her side and looked at Jason. "I'm just gonna have t'be patient again, and make sure I don't get weird on him."
Jason scrunched up his nose. "Yeah, see, S, that wasn't him being chivalrous. That was him being a bastard and rubbing your nose in the fact you slept with me. Just like the kissing comment at the diner. It wasn't anything to do with the tattoo. You know Timmy can be a total prick when he wants to be," he reminded her. "Makes me wonder why you still want him after everything... but I get it. I do."
"Are ya sure, 'cause if ya don't then we don't have to talk about it. You don't have to listen to me go on about T if ya don't like it," Sam told him softly. "And I remember about him bein' a prick, but I can be a bitch when I wanna be, too."
"I'm just bitter, S. I don't need Tim getting the shits over this. Want me to be honest? I'm glad it hurt him. I hope it hurts him to the point he feels sick because that's exactly how I felt when I saw him and Lyla in that embrace from the hospital window. It's not gonna do him any harm to understand some of those things I felt way back then. None at all. It's time he grew up and stopped acting like a dead beat pisshead his whole life. Life isn't lived in a simple boozed-up haze like he thinks it should be," Jason said quietly.
Sam's lips twisted into a wry smile. "I know that. That's why I was always supportin' him tryin' t'get into college. He deserves so much more from life, and it makes me sick when I think about how much he's tried and how much he just keeps gettin' torn down." She let out a sigh, and rest her head against Jason's shoulder. "But I hate him for makin' me feel bad about what happened between us. I really do. He's got no ownership over me. Not 'til he tells me to my face that he wants me just as much as I want him."
Jason looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. "I went to his place earlier. I told him he and I were gonna have it out, but when I got there, Billy said he just left. He slipped up in something he said that just tells me how confused he is. I think he does want to be with you, S, just not so soon after everything with Lyla. That's probably why he's so pissed off that we had sex. In his head, you would still be there down the track when he was ready, but he doesn't see that the world doesn't wait. And it was me. I guess he worried that with me being back in town and very single I was a threat or some shit. He knows how easy it was for him to take Lyla from me. He probably thinks now is the time for me to extract revenge by dating you or something... Whatever. It's irrational. I think he's just scared of all the changes."
Sam frowned. "But I've fucked other guys before. I dated other guys while he was pissin' about. It ain't like he doesn't know I've usually filled up my time." She pressed her fingers against her forehead and groaned. "It was easier when I was quiet, and watchin' from afar and just passin' time with those other boys, and... shit. It's too early in the mornin' for this. I can't believe he skipped out on ya when he knew you were comin' over. And you're not a snake in the grass! You ain't gonna steal me 'less I wanna get stolen. And I don't. It's you and Mac, and maybe once everythin' sorts itself out it'll be me and T. But right now... it ain't."
Jason's hand went back to his mouth so he could chew his nail. "I'm nervous. I don't even know why I kissed her at the stadium. It just felt right. We were talking and she was listening. Do you think I'm taking advantage of her?"
"Do ya like her? Do ya wanna date her? Are ya in it for the sex?"
"I said I wasn't," Jason reminded her. "How can I be in anything for the sex when I don't even know if the sex is gonna work? Someone like me, sex is secondary. She's hurt and she's having a tough time. I just... I know what it's like to be in her shoes sort of. You can feel weak and vulnerable. I don't want to be honing if she's not in top form."
"Honin'? J, ya don't hone. You ain't ever honed. You ain't takin' advantage of her, I promise. Only way you'll ever take advantage of her is if ya promise somethin' ya can't give." Sam scratched her nose and shrugged as best she could in her position. "Maybe in that respect T has it right. He never makes any promises 'cause he ain't sure he'll keep 'em."
"No," Jason murmured. "He just lives a few days a time because he's lost too much. He doesn't plan ahead because he doubts that it will all ever come off. I think when he slept with Lyla, she got him at a weak moment, but then he just didn't think they would get caught. I can't ever seem to really follow his train of thought but I don't think he ever does anything vindictively or to hurt anyone... he just doesn't think of the consequences. I can see his side of things this time. I'm kind of scared of the dating thing, too. But I'm not stupid enough as Timmy to let things pass me by. Plus, I like Mac's company. She makes me smile and she knows me."
"Well, then, go get her, Panther!" Sam told him with a grin. She slipped her arms around his and snuggled up to him. "After we get some sleep. I really don't feel like climbin' through any more windows, 'kay?"
Jason moaned softly. "I can't sleep. I might go raid the fridge. But you stay. I'm sorry I got you outta bed this late."
Sam sighed as she sat up again, and waved her hand. "No, no. It's okay. Really. S'what I'm here for. Ya sure ya don't want me to raid the fridge for ya?"
Jason shook his head. "Nah, it's okay. I could use something to do to distract me. Hell, I didn't even ask her what food she liked. I don't know whether I should get her flowers or something else entirely. What do I wear? Do I just go for something casual? I need chocolate. Or ice cream," he decided.
"Ya suddenly turn into a girl, J?" Sam smirked as she settled back down on his bed. "Get her somethin' to do with bein' a cop... Like a cute little bear, or somethin'. Maybe furry handcuffs. I don't know, J. It's up to you. Whatever it is just has to come from the heart. She likes all kindsa food. Trust me."
Jason pulled himself up in the bed and tugged his wheelchair closer. He carefully dragged himself into it and took a sip of water from the glass beside his bed. "What if Tim gets his act together. Would you want all that? The dating? The romance?" he asked.
Sam's blue eyes fixed on Jason's. "Yeah, I would."
Tim Riggins [texas33forever] & Taylor MacKenzie [comeswithcuffs] referenced with permission
Word Count | 3,418
Co-written with supermarketsam
[Follows THIS and THIS]
Sam was deep asleep, lost in a dream that was keeping her warm. T's strong arms wrapped tightly around her as they kissed, Sam's fingers digging into the corded muscle of his back. Just as he was about to whisper something in her ear, a noise cut through her dream, making her groan in protest. The noise got louder as it penetrated her sleep-addled brain and she reached out to pick up her phone. "Y'all better have a good reason t'be callin' me this late. I'll have ya know that was pretty damn good dream I was havin'." Her eyes stayed closed as she listened to the voice on the other end. "'Kay... gimme a few minutes. You still got ice cream, right?"
After Sam hung up the phone, she dragged herself into a sitting position and rubbed her hands against her face. Images of a very naked Tim Riggins swam behind her eyes and she cursed the fact she'd ever actually slept with him. It meant she knew every little detail, and she could even feel his skin under her fingertips and feel the stubble scrape against her cheek. She swore under breath and turned on her stereo to try and wake herself up enough to pull on a hoodie and jeans. Sam unlatched her window and climbed out, another curse as she stumbled through her mother's flower bed. Surely her parents knew about her sneaking out to see her best friend. They'd never stopped her though, and she was grateful. Although it wasn't like J would be sneaking through her window any more.
Five minutes later Sam was climbing through J's window and into his room. She looked at him and gave him a sleepy smile before she closed the window, kicked off her shoes and crawled onto his bed beside him. "Alright, J. What's the quad emergency? Thought we agreed on no booty calls."
Jason had been sitting up in bed waiting for Sam to come. Normally he wouldn't be such an ass as to call her in the middle of the night but he hadn't been able to sleep. His stomach was tied up in knots and he couldn't switch his mind off. In the old days, this sort of sleepless night would be stemming from game strategies and plays running over and over in his head but this was a whole different ball game. He sunk back against his pillow which had been shoved up against the headboard and bit his lip. "I need your help. I've lost my mojo," he declared.
Sam raised her eyebrow. "Really? You could've fooled me..." She held up a hand before he protested that she needed to take this seriously. Because she was sure that whatever had happened was serious to him. "What d'ya mean you've lost your mojo? Did somethin' happen with Mac?"
"Sort of..." Jason confirmed. If he wasn't paralysed, he'd be wriggling in his seat by now. "See, when we were walking back to the trucks. Well, y'all were walking and I was... yeah, you get the idea. Well, I kinda asked her out on a date. And she said yes. And we're going tomorrow night." He glanced at the clock. It was after one am. "Okay, we're going tonight and it feels like so damn long since I've been on a date and you know, I think the last date I went on was from that internet dating site where the chick said she liked people in wheelchairs but really just liked people pissing on her, but that's a whole other story. I haven't dated in forever and I want it to be real nice because I really like her and I think I forget even what romance is because all that shit I used to do in the past kinda involved having legs."
Sam frowned as she pulled her sleeves down over her hands and hugged herself to keep warm. "Your romancin' involved legs? What were ya doin' with legs? Tell me ya didn't go around lickin' legs or anythin'. Ya didn't give your girls bunches of dolls legs? No wonder Lyla was always creepy. Did she like the legs? She probably ate 'em for breakfast." Sam's eyes slipped closed and she scrunched up her face. "Sorry. Bein' half asleep makes me ramble. You wanna know what you're s'posed to do on your date? Well, ya can start by makin' sure ya take her somewhere chair friendly. And not somewhere too fancy. Too fancy means pressure."
"No, I just..." Jason stopped, sighing and put his wrist up to his head for a few moments. "The practical stuff is just second nature. I mean... the romance. To make it nice. To make her not want to run screaming into the sunset at the prospect of being on a date with me. It's been ages, S. Like, the last time I went on anything that even remotely resembled a date was with Suzy and that's the night Lyla caught us kissing. I don't want anything to fuck it up."
Sam nodded. "'Kay... So let's think about this... Christ, I can't even remember when I last went on a romantic date. Ya sure ya want me to give ya advice? All I can really tell ya is what I think would be nice. Ya gotta compliment what she wears... make sure she knows you're there for her and not for some other reason. Even if ya are thinkin' 'bout sex, it's still gotta be sex with her. Ya can't be thinkin' 'bout anyone else."
"Who else am I gonna ask?" Jason said helplessly. "Timmy?" He shook his head and snorted. He started to chew on his thumb nail, eyes on the football posters on the wall opposite the bed and then frowned. "Why would I be thinking about anyone else? There is no one else and that's a whole other thing. I can't exactly control what goes on in my pants. Do you think she'll think it's weird if I wear a really long coat?"
Sam snickered. "Some guys do, I'm sure of it. They might be on a date with ya, but they're thinkin' about the waitress, or the girl on the next table, or the girl that they're gonna go home and fuck... Not everyone is you, Jason. They ain't all attentive. I know you're a great guy, but if ya start tryin' to overthink things and not concentrate on her... then it's all gonna go haywire. I think she'll wonder what you're doin' wearin' a long coat, but she probably won't think it's weird."
"That might be easier to explain than why I have a dirty great boner half way through the first course," Jason said and put his head back against the pillow. "How did this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen. I mean, I've never even really thought about her like that before. She's Mr MacKenzie's daughter! She helped me with my Science homework, but that was it. I'm not supposed to be dating, you know? I was trying to figure everything else out and I don't even know how it all happened. It just... did. Am I doing the right thing here?"
Sam smirked. She was still wondering if she should maybe tell Jason about Mac's crush, but she kept her mouth shut. "It happened because there was spark, and ya both want each other and there ain't a thing in the world that's gonna stop it. There ain't any exes, there ain't any complications other than her arm and your crotch. There's no her fuckin' T, there's no pee, there's no nothin' but you and Mac. Don't even think about Mr MacKenzie, although it might help control your dirty great boner if ya do."
Jason looked at her helplessly. "What happens if it goes really well? I mean, it's a first date. Should I, um, invite her back or something? And don't laugh! It was different with Lyla. We were school kids and there wasn't really dating. There was hanging out and burgers. There was only sex because I said I would marry her. Then it was just a bunch of one night stands that never had a hope of coming to anything. But I've known Mac for years. I don't want to do anything wrong by her or be disrespectful or whatever."
"Well, just between you and me, J..." Sam bit her lip as she looked at him and sunk a little lower so her head was next to his on the pillow, "I don't think ya gotta worry 'bout bein' disrespectful. Mac likes ya, you like her. If it does happen fast, then just go with it. Just make sure you don't wheel away before mornin', or anythin'. And don't bring her back here... sex with the parents in the house ain't real romantic."
Jason frowned. "Where am I gonna take her? She's staying with her parents, too. But then if I book a guest house or hotel or something, isn't it gonna look like I planned it and maybe that's all I wanted? Which it's not. I mean, sure, it would be nice. She's hot! And when she kisses me it's just amazing, but I don't want her to think that I just asked her on a date to get to next base or whatever and I hate baseball, so that metaphor shits me, just so you know." Clearly it was his turn to be rambling. "What happened between you and Tim, anyway? He was in a foul mood when he first showed up."
"So don't book anythin'. If somethin' happens, maybe ya are gonna have to come back to yours... and just be quiet. No screamin'. I guess if ya fall outta bed though, at least your dad will be here to pick ya up." Sam groaned and stuck her tongue out in disgust. "We talked. He's hurtin', and apparently we're infringin' on his right to hurt. He's still gettin' over Lyla and can't think about anyone, or anythin' and he's just... we hurt him more. He hated that I slept with ya. I think I messed up, J."
"See, no," was Jason's reply with a shake of his head. "He doesn't get to be hurt that you slept with me. He just doesn't. He can't have his cake and eat it too. I know he's got a lot of shit going on but you weren't dating him. He gets to fuck anything with boobs and a vagina - and does - but throws a tanty because you and I had a bit of fun together? He doesn't get to play by that rulebook after sleeping with my girlfriend and then going on to date her. If he was dating you and asked me to steer clear, then maybe it would be different but he can't grow a conscience all of a sudden because someone else was playing with his favourite toy. Sorry, S. That was a terrible example, but he's acting like a kid."
Sam sunk down and kept her arms wrapped around herself, and looked at him sheepishly. "So I shouldn't have kinda, maybe, apologised profusely and asked for forgiveness? I mean, not that I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't know he was hurtin'. That's what I was sorry for. I didn't... I mean, he's not..." Sam sighed as she turned her head away so she wasn't looking at Jason any more. "I still don't get what it is he wants. What I am to him. He was so stuck on me sleepin' with his best friend and apparently it wasn't the same as me sleepin' with him 'cause I declared my whatever to him."
"He's hurting over a break up. Yeah, okay. I get that. Fair enough. He doesn't want another relationship so soon. Yep, also get that one. But none of that is an issue of you and me sleeping together. He said he doesn't want to date you, so he's not dating you. So, no, you shouldn't have begged for forgiveness because you did nothing wrong. It's two separate things here and he's mashing them all into one because his brain can't process whether he should be dating you or not. He's getting his boxers in a twist about me having sex with you because that's easier to get the shits over than being angry at himself for not really knowing what the hell he should be thinking," Jason said and shook his head. "I don't regret it. He's gonna have to live with it because we did nothing wrong."
"He makes my head hurt sometimes. I don't even get how he could know anythin' in that head of his. He told me he couldn't hold my hand while I get a tattoo because he ain't good at that stuff. That you're better at it. I mean, I love ya J, but I wanted him to hold my hand..." Sam rolled onto her side and looked at Jason. "I'm just gonna have t'be patient again, and make sure I don't get weird on him."
Jason scrunched up his nose. "Yeah, see, S, that wasn't him being chivalrous. That was him being a bastard and rubbing your nose in the fact you slept with me. Just like the kissing comment at the diner. It wasn't anything to do with the tattoo. You know Timmy can be a total prick when he wants to be," he reminded her. "Makes me wonder why you still want him after everything... but I get it. I do."
"Are ya sure, 'cause if ya don't then we don't have to talk about it. You don't have to listen to me go on about T if ya don't like it," Sam told him softly. "And I remember about him bein' a prick, but I can be a bitch when I wanna be, too."
"I'm just bitter, S. I don't need Tim getting the shits over this. Want me to be honest? I'm glad it hurt him. I hope it hurts him to the point he feels sick because that's exactly how I felt when I saw him and Lyla in that embrace from the hospital window. It's not gonna do him any harm to understand some of those things I felt way back then. None at all. It's time he grew up and stopped acting like a dead beat pisshead his whole life. Life isn't lived in a simple boozed-up haze like he thinks it should be," Jason said quietly.
Sam's lips twisted into a wry smile. "I know that. That's why I was always supportin' him tryin' t'get into college. He deserves so much more from life, and it makes me sick when I think about how much he's tried and how much he just keeps gettin' torn down." She let out a sigh, and rest her head against Jason's shoulder. "But I hate him for makin' me feel bad about what happened between us. I really do. He's got no ownership over me. Not 'til he tells me to my face that he wants me just as much as I want him."
Jason looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. "I went to his place earlier. I told him he and I were gonna have it out, but when I got there, Billy said he just left. He slipped up in something he said that just tells me how confused he is. I think he does want to be with you, S, just not so soon after everything with Lyla. That's probably why he's so pissed off that we had sex. In his head, you would still be there down the track when he was ready, but he doesn't see that the world doesn't wait. And it was me. I guess he worried that with me being back in town and very single I was a threat or some shit. He knows how easy it was for him to take Lyla from me. He probably thinks now is the time for me to extract revenge by dating you or something... Whatever. It's irrational. I think he's just scared of all the changes."
Sam frowned. "But I've fucked other guys before. I dated other guys while he was pissin' about. It ain't like he doesn't know I've usually filled up my time." She pressed her fingers against her forehead and groaned. "It was easier when I was quiet, and watchin' from afar and just passin' time with those other boys, and... shit. It's too early in the mornin' for this. I can't believe he skipped out on ya when he knew you were comin' over. And you're not a snake in the grass! You ain't gonna steal me 'less I wanna get stolen. And I don't. It's you and Mac, and maybe once everythin' sorts itself out it'll be me and T. But right now... it ain't."
Jason's hand went back to his mouth so he could chew his nail. "I'm nervous. I don't even know why I kissed her at the stadium. It just felt right. We were talking and she was listening. Do you think I'm taking advantage of her?"
"Do ya like her? Do ya wanna date her? Are ya in it for the sex?"
"I said I wasn't," Jason reminded her. "How can I be in anything for the sex when I don't even know if the sex is gonna work? Someone like me, sex is secondary. She's hurt and she's having a tough time. I just... I know what it's like to be in her shoes sort of. You can feel weak and vulnerable. I don't want to be honing if she's not in top form."
"Honin'? J, ya don't hone. You ain't ever honed. You ain't takin' advantage of her, I promise. Only way you'll ever take advantage of her is if ya promise somethin' ya can't give." Sam scratched her nose and shrugged as best she could in her position. "Maybe in that respect T has it right. He never makes any promises 'cause he ain't sure he'll keep 'em."
"No," Jason murmured. "He just lives a few days a time because he's lost too much. He doesn't plan ahead because he doubts that it will all ever come off. I think when he slept with Lyla, she got him at a weak moment, but then he just didn't think they would get caught. I can't ever seem to really follow his train of thought but I don't think he ever does anything vindictively or to hurt anyone... he just doesn't think of the consequences. I can see his side of things this time. I'm kind of scared of the dating thing, too. But I'm not stupid enough as Timmy to let things pass me by. Plus, I like Mac's company. She makes me smile and she knows me."
"Well, then, go get her, Panther!" Sam told him with a grin. She slipped her arms around his and snuggled up to him. "After we get some sleep. I really don't feel like climbin' through any more windows, 'kay?"
Jason moaned softly. "I can't sleep. I might go raid the fridge. But you stay. I'm sorry I got you outta bed this late."
Sam sighed as she sat up again, and waved her hand. "No, no. It's okay. Really. S'what I'm here for. Ya sure ya don't want me to raid the fridge for ya?"
Jason shook his head. "Nah, it's okay. I could use something to do to distract me. Hell, I didn't even ask her what food she liked. I don't know whether I should get her flowers or something else entirely. What do I wear? Do I just go for something casual? I need chocolate. Or ice cream," he decided.
"Ya suddenly turn into a girl, J?" Sam smirked as she settled back down on his bed. "Get her somethin' to do with bein' a cop... Like a cute little bear, or somethin'. Maybe furry handcuffs. I don't know, J. It's up to you. Whatever it is just has to come from the heart. She likes all kindsa food. Trust me."
Jason pulled himself up in the bed and tugged his wheelchair closer. He carefully dragged himself into it and took a sip of water from the glass beside his bed. "What if Tim gets his act together. Would you want all that? The dating? The romance?" he asked.
Sam's blue eyes fixed on Jason's. "Yeah, I would."
Tim Riggins [texas33forever] & Taylor MacKenzie [comeswithcuffs] referenced with permission
Word Count | 3,418