(no subject)
Title: Dutch Courage
Author: mad_jaks
Characters: Team Torchwood
Genre: Adult, humour
Rating: R
Prompt: Alien hooch/truth or dare - loss of inhibition for riftugee
Summary: Jack gets a little legless, Ianto gets comfy, Gwen gets sticky, Tosh gets surprising, Owen gets... Well, you'll see
Notes: Established Jack/Ianto - after that it all gets a bit Crack!y - there's doughnuts too but I assure you they are not alien ones. I leave those to the magnificent donutsweeper (oh and _medley_ of course)
Spoilers: I don't think so... AND it's set post Who so I reckon Jack can afford a little drink now and again
Beta: No, it's all my own glorious fault
Disclaimer: Not mine - making no money
“Look,” Owen said, mock patiently, the words slurring as he waved his glass in Ianto's direction, “I didn't make up the ruddy rules O-kay?” Ianto blinked at him in surprise. “Now you either do the bloody dare or you take another shot! Right?”
“You don't have to Ianto,” Toshiko put in, looking across at Gwen for back up and getting none: her attention being fixed on refilling her glass without spilling.
“What's the matter Tosh. Nervous?” Owen bit out. “Afraid I'll think less of you for it? Trust me, I won't!”
“Owen...” Jack growled, his warning muffled behind Ianto's back, “This is meant to be a fun evening remember? No forcing people to do stuff they don't want to...” Jack's face popped into view as he slipped the Welshman's arm around his shoulders - pulling Ianto further back into his lap with an arm wrapped loosely round his waist.
“Tosh?” Ianto slowly raised an eyebrow and held out his hand to her, getting an uncertain nod in reply.
Tipping her head back Tosh downed the last of her shot with an air of finality then practically crawled the tiny distance between her and the two men at the other end of the tatty couch. One hand on Jack's knee for balance she paused, her face eye level and inches away from Ianto's.
“And it doesn't count if *she* kisses you either,” snarled Owen, “so no helping him out Tosh - I don't care how desperate you are.”
“Shut up Owen.” Ianto winked at Tosh as he swept the hair back off her face with his free hand - barely parting her lips with a soft press of his own mouth - before releasing her. “There?” he challenged Owen, relaxing back onto Jack's chest. “Happy?”
“Hardly...” Owen snorted into his glass, looking at it as if he was surprised to find it empty. “But I suppose it's the best I'm going to get.” He shot a sour look at Jack. “Who's got the bottle?”
Gwen waved it lazily in his direction and silence reigned as they all watched Owen scoot his chair over: pouring himself yet another generous tumblerful as he scooted away again. The two men wore practically identical expressions of something approaching disgust on their faces; Toshiko - huddled up against Jack's side - looked baleful and Gwen - in her isolated position at the other end of the sofa - looked like she already regretted passing him the more-than-half empty bottle.
“My question I think,” drawled the Captain, snagging a drink from Ianto's glass before continuing, “Owen, truth or dare?”
“Truth.” Owen raised his chin and glared.
Jack grinned, baring his teeth. “Is it true-” Gwen shifted in her place, dragging Jack's unfocussed gaze her way for a split second. “-you fancy Janet?” He finished in a rush - earning a crow of laughter from Ianto and a subdued snort from Tosh, even Gwen smirked into the remains of her drink.
“Don't be stupid.” Owen snapped and Jack raised an eyebrow.
“Is that a Yes or a No?”
“A no dammit... What d'you think?”
“My turn.” Ianto smiled, resting his head up against Jack's like he was glad of the support. Still looking at Jack, he licked his lips. “Gwen, truth or dare?”
“Dare...” she muttered after a moment's hesitation and Ianto grinned and turned his head.
“I'd like you...” Ianto's gaze settled on Owen for a moment then slid on past him, over his shoulder to where the food he'd laid out earlier was still, mostly, untouched.”To...” He paused as Jack whispered in his ear.
“HEY,” moaned Gwen, throwing a cushion at the pair of them that Tosh neatly fielded and hugged to her chest, “no prompting it's not fair!”
“Oh don't get your knockers in a knit!” Owen scowled. “Knickers in a knot..,” he corrected, vaguely.
“Not prompting.” Jack lied easily. “Honest...”
“I'd like you to eat at least two of those doughnuts-” Ianto nodded toward the pile. “-without licking your lips.”
Gwen tossed her hair back, eyes wide. “And that's all? You don't want me to kiss Owen or Toshiko or... or... crawl over there to do it?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“You want her?” Smiling, Jack turned to face Gwen as he wrapped his free arm possessively round Tosh, but his eyes were fixed on Owen. “You're gonna have to go through me to do it.”
“NO... Just... Doughnuts. Right” Gwen stood up, swayed on the spot and staggered off, one hand grabbing at Owen's shoulder as she passed.
***
“Sho...” Gwen mumbled - she bit at her top lip carefully and managed to dislodge a few, far too few to ease the itch, grains of sugar from round her mouth, “How'd I do?”
“Great job!” Jack grinned and Ianto dutifully applauded as he extricated himself from Jack's grasp and rose to his feet, even Tosh was beaming at her.
“You look adorable,” Ianto smiled, reaching into his pocket for his hankie.
“If you like sweet and cloying.” Owen ground out.
“Shut up Owen.” Sugar sprayed through the air speckling the front of Ianto's suit. “Oh my God... Sorry Ianto,” Gwen babbled frantically, dusting him down. “Oh look at you! You're going to be-” she broke off, hands stilling on his collar as Tosh, rather pointedly, cleared her throat.
“Tosh?” Jack said slowly, as they all watched the colour flood her face.
“Truth or dare?” she squeaked, staring straight ahead of her.
“Who,” Jack asked, giving her a little shake,”exactly are you talking to?”
“You,” she stuttered, face scarlet, eyes locked on the couple in front of her..
He eyed Ianto and Gwen - standing frozen in place less than six feet away. “Dare,” he replied instantly, brushing his lips casually over Tosh's forehead as he stood up.
“I think I'm going to be sick...” groaned Owen, rolling his eyes as Jack walked by.
“Not dangerous enough for you?” Jack bit back.
He took up position on the far side of Ianto. “Toshiko?”
Tosh jumped. “What?”
“Dare him then...” sneered Owen.
She gestured with her empty glass. “I dare you to... er...”
Jack raised an eyebrow and waited. In front of him Gwen's knuckles were beginning to show white on Ianto's lapels and Ianto himself was beginning to look nervous.
“Out with it then!” snarled Owen leaning forward in his chair, snatching her glass and refilling it before thrusting it back at her.
“Nothing you don't want to do...” Jack whispered, one hand ghosting across Gwen's, his fingers settling at the base of Ianto's throat, as he watched Tosh's face.
“LickthesugarofffIanto!” she blurted out.
***
Jack woke up next morning, his nose squashed into Owen's left shoulder, blinking he disentangled himself from the arm around his neck before folding it back carefully across Owen's narrow chest. Snatching his pants up off the fallen chair beside Owen's hip Jack stepped warily over Toshiko's legs and tiptoed past Gwen, who was snoring face down beside her. Scooping a shirt from the floor he got it as far as his biceps before giving it up as a bad job and draping it over Tosh. Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes Jack walked up into the chill of the hub proper.
Upstairs Ianto was already rattling around - Jack's shirt from the night before brushing against his thighs as he padded to and fro.
“Aren't you freezing?” Jack called softly, climbing the stairs.
Ianto gestured with a spoon. “Aren't you?”
“Don't tend to feel it...” Jack smiled into the gloom. Rubbing the back of his neck he came to an awkward halt behind Ianto. “So what did I miss?”
“You tell me...”
“I dimly remember Tosh proving once and for all that she *is* the most flexible person on staff...”
“At least when it comes to tying herself in knots...” Ianto flicked a switch and the coffee maker burbled to life. “Not sure how or when Owen changed his tune though...”
“Me either...” Jack muttered, sliding a hand beneath thin cotton and finding Ianto's skin.
“And we were the least drunk of any of us...” Ianto said evenly, accepting a small bite on his shoulder.
“Borellian brandy, Ianto, it's a wonderful thing. But no-one should never drink more than three glasses of it, or phht!” Jack snapped his fingers. “It's farewell fond memories and good morning hangover.”
“Wish you'd told me that before I started on my fourth shot,” Ianto murmured, reproachfully.
“Sorry.” Jack nuzzled into the back of his neck. “I did finish it off for you though...”
“Very grateful, I'm sure.” Ianto responded, drily, swaying into his touch.
“So you should be.” Jack swatted Ianto's behind. “Are you?”
“Well ye-es only...” Ianto tipped his head back, exposing his throat to Jack's wandering fingers.
“Only?”
“I wish I could remember who dared Owen to paint his dick purple...”
--end--
Author: mad_jaks
Characters: Team Torchwood
Genre: Adult, humour
Rating: R
Prompt: Alien hooch/truth or dare - loss of inhibition for riftugee
Summary: Jack gets a little legless, Ianto gets comfy, Gwen gets sticky, Tosh gets surprising, Owen gets... Well, you'll see
Notes: Established Jack/Ianto - after that it all gets a bit Crack!y - there's doughnuts too but I assure you they are not alien ones. I leave those to the magnificent donutsweeper (oh and _medley_ of course)
Spoilers: I don't think so... AND it's set post Who so I reckon Jack can afford a little drink now and again
Beta: No, it's all my own glorious fault
Disclaimer: Not mine - making no money
“Look,” Owen said, mock patiently, the words slurring as he waved his glass in Ianto's direction, “I didn't make up the ruddy rules O-kay?” Ianto blinked at him in surprise. “Now you either do the bloody dare or you take another shot! Right?”
“You don't have to Ianto,” Toshiko put in, looking across at Gwen for back up and getting none: her attention being fixed on refilling her glass without spilling.
“What's the matter Tosh. Nervous?” Owen bit out. “Afraid I'll think less of you for it? Trust me, I won't!”
“Owen...” Jack growled, his warning muffled behind Ianto's back, “This is meant to be a fun evening remember? No forcing people to do stuff they don't want to...” Jack's face popped into view as he slipped the Welshman's arm around his shoulders - pulling Ianto further back into his lap with an arm wrapped loosely round his waist.
“Tosh?” Ianto slowly raised an eyebrow and held out his hand to her, getting an uncertain nod in reply.
Tipping her head back Tosh downed the last of her shot with an air of finality then practically crawled the tiny distance between her and the two men at the other end of the tatty couch. One hand on Jack's knee for balance she paused, her face eye level and inches away from Ianto's.
“And it doesn't count if *she* kisses you either,” snarled Owen, “so no helping him out Tosh - I don't care how desperate you are.”
“Shut up Owen.” Ianto winked at Tosh as he swept the hair back off her face with his free hand - barely parting her lips with a soft press of his own mouth - before releasing her. “There?” he challenged Owen, relaxing back onto Jack's chest. “Happy?”
“Hardly...” Owen snorted into his glass, looking at it as if he was surprised to find it empty. “But I suppose it's the best I'm going to get.” He shot a sour look at Jack. “Who's got the bottle?”
Gwen waved it lazily in his direction and silence reigned as they all watched Owen scoot his chair over: pouring himself yet another generous tumblerful as he scooted away again. The two men wore practically identical expressions of something approaching disgust on their faces; Toshiko - huddled up against Jack's side - looked baleful and Gwen - in her isolated position at the other end of the sofa - looked like she already regretted passing him the more-than-half empty bottle.
“My question I think,” drawled the Captain, snagging a drink from Ianto's glass before continuing, “Owen, truth or dare?”
“Truth.” Owen raised his chin and glared.
Jack grinned, baring his teeth. “Is it true-” Gwen shifted in her place, dragging Jack's unfocussed gaze her way for a split second. “-you fancy Janet?” He finished in a rush - earning a crow of laughter from Ianto and a subdued snort from Tosh, even Gwen smirked into the remains of her drink.
“Don't be stupid.” Owen snapped and Jack raised an eyebrow.
“Is that a Yes or a No?”
“A no dammit... What d'you think?”
“My turn.” Ianto smiled, resting his head up against Jack's like he was glad of the support. Still looking at Jack, he licked his lips. “Gwen, truth or dare?”
“Dare...” she muttered after a moment's hesitation and Ianto grinned and turned his head.
“I'd like you...” Ianto's gaze settled on Owen for a moment then slid on past him, over his shoulder to where the food he'd laid out earlier was still, mostly, untouched.”To...” He paused as Jack whispered in his ear.
“HEY,” moaned Gwen, throwing a cushion at the pair of them that Tosh neatly fielded and hugged to her chest, “no prompting it's not fair!”
“Oh don't get your knockers in a knit!” Owen scowled. “Knickers in a knot..,” he corrected, vaguely.
“Not prompting.” Jack lied easily. “Honest...”
“I'd like you to eat at least two of those doughnuts-” Ianto nodded toward the pile. “-without licking your lips.”
Gwen tossed her hair back, eyes wide. “And that's all? You don't want me to kiss Owen or Toshiko or... or... crawl over there to do it?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.
“You want her?” Smiling, Jack turned to face Gwen as he wrapped his free arm possessively round Tosh, but his eyes were fixed on Owen. “You're gonna have to go through me to do it.”
“NO... Just... Doughnuts. Right” Gwen stood up, swayed on the spot and staggered off, one hand grabbing at Owen's shoulder as she passed.
***
“Sho...” Gwen mumbled - she bit at her top lip carefully and managed to dislodge a few, far too few to ease the itch, grains of sugar from round her mouth, “How'd I do?”
“Great job!” Jack grinned and Ianto dutifully applauded as he extricated himself from Jack's grasp and rose to his feet, even Tosh was beaming at her.
“You look adorable,” Ianto smiled, reaching into his pocket for his hankie.
“If you like sweet and cloying.” Owen ground out.
“Shut up Owen.” Sugar sprayed through the air speckling the front of Ianto's suit. “Oh my God... Sorry Ianto,” Gwen babbled frantically, dusting him down. “Oh look at you! You're going to be-” she broke off, hands stilling on his collar as Tosh, rather pointedly, cleared her throat.
“Tosh?” Jack said slowly, as they all watched the colour flood her face.
“Truth or dare?” she squeaked, staring straight ahead of her.
“Who,” Jack asked, giving her a little shake,”exactly are you talking to?”
“You,” she stuttered, face scarlet, eyes locked on the couple in front of her..
He eyed Ianto and Gwen - standing frozen in place less than six feet away. “Dare,” he replied instantly, brushing his lips casually over Tosh's forehead as he stood up.
“I think I'm going to be sick...” groaned Owen, rolling his eyes as Jack walked by.
“Not dangerous enough for you?” Jack bit back.
He took up position on the far side of Ianto. “Toshiko?”
Tosh jumped. “What?”
“Dare him then...” sneered Owen.
She gestured with her empty glass. “I dare you to... er...”
Jack raised an eyebrow and waited. In front of him Gwen's knuckles were beginning to show white on Ianto's lapels and Ianto himself was beginning to look nervous.
“Out with it then!” snarled Owen leaning forward in his chair, snatching her glass and refilling it before thrusting it back at her.
“Nothing you don't want to do...” Jack whispered, one hand ghosting across Gwen's, his fingers settling at the base of Ianto's throat, as he watched Tosh's face.
“LickthesugarofffIanto!” she blurted out.
***
Jack woke up next morning, his nose squashed into Owen's left shoulder, blinking he disentangled himself from the arm around his neck before folding it back carefully across Owen's narrow chest. Snatching his pants up off the fallen chair beside Owen's hip Jack stepped warily over Toshiko's legs and tiptoed past Gwen, who was snoring face down beside her. Scooping a shirt from the floor he got it as far as his biceps before giving it up as a bad job and draping it over Tosh. Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes Jack walked up into the chill of the hub proper.
Upstairs Ianto was already rattling around - Jack's shirt from the night before brushing against his thighs as he padded to and fro.
“Aren't you freezing?” Jack called softly, climbing the stairs.
Ianto gestured with a spoon. “Aren't you?”
“Don't tend to feel it...” Jack smiled into the gloom. Rubbing the back of his neck he came to an awkward halt behind Ianto. “So what did I miss?”
“You tell me...”
“I dimly remember Tosh proving once and for all that she *is* the most flexible person on staff...”
“At least when it comes to tying herself in knots...” Ianto flicked a switch and the coffee maker burbled to life. “Not sure how or when Owen changed his tune though...”
“Me either...” Jack muttered, sliding a hand beneath thin cotton and finding Ianto's skin.
“And we were the least drunk of any of us...” Ianto said evenly, accepting a small bite on his shoulder.
“Borellian brandy, Ianto, it's a wonderful thing. But no-one should never drink more than three glasses of it, or phht!” Jack snapped his fingers. “It's farewell fond memories and good morning hangover.”
“Wish you'd told me that before I started on my fourth shot,” Ianto murmured, reproachfully.
“Sorry.” Jack nuzzled into the back of his neck. “I did finish it off for you though...”
“Very grateful, I'm sure.” Ianto responded, drily, swaying into his touch.
“So you should be.” Jack swatted Ianto's behind. “Are you?”
“Well ye-es only...” Ianto tipped his head back, exposing his throat to Jack's wandering fingers.
“Only?”
“I wish I could remember who dared Owen to paint his dick purple...”
--end--