On the twelfth day of Christmas (09)...
Parks (Joe/Nick)
Joe's latest thing is to take long walks in the park. It's summer, no matter where they go, and it feels so much more peaceful than anything else his life can offer him right now. He likes to walk and think.
Joe thinks about the tour and music. Sometimes, he'll end up writing some lyrics in his head, only to forget them on the way home. Joe will hum a tune softly and think about which songs he needs to get on his iPod. He always walks the slowest once the tour bus or whatever hotel they are staying at is in view. Joe has to switch on, become Joe Jonas, not just Joe, the 20 year old whose just trying to live his own life now.
Joe thinks about how they are all just trying to live their lives. It's not about living the dream, it's about being their own person now. Kevin and Dani moved out in the spring and Joe wonders how long it will be before he becomes an uncle. He knows some of the guys in the band have a bet going. Joe thinks he'll be an awesome uncle, since he's already the best brother ever. Joe will totally be the fun uncle that everyone can't wait to see.
Joe can't help but think about Nick's solo project. Nick's tour was fun, Joe could see it every time he watched Nick's eyes. Music was Nick's life, Joe knew that. Sometimes, they would play one of Nick's solo songs during the tour, but Joe would still mouth along to the words he wasn't allowed to sing. But he knew all the songs perfectly and he loved to watch Nick just, be the music. But ever since winter, Nick had been looking burned out. He was run down, they all were, but they had to push through it, they still had to be the Jonas Brothers, had contracts and deals to uphold.
Joe wonders about his house, sitting there empty. He guesses he's supposed to feel grown up now, since he finally moved out but he still feels like the same kid who grew up in New Jersey. His house is nice though, and he loves his roommates but there is a huge difference between his family and his roommates. Joe thinks about how much longer this will go on. How much longer they can be the Jonas Brothers. He knows everyone is getting tired, even his parents, who are usually so grateful, now they just want some time away from the spotlight. Nick will never say it, but Joe can tell he's itching to go make more music- alone.
Joe thinks about Frankie and how big he's getting. Every time Joe turns around, he's a few inches taller. He thinks about his parents, who continue to support them and hold them up. They are still there, through the good and the bad and he wouldn't change that for the world. But yeah, he kinda likes living on his own, making his own rules. He's had Nick come over a few times after Nick's tour, and it had been the best days.
Joe tries not to think about girls but he always does anyways. He thinks about Camilla and every time he remembers her, the mix of feelings change, his memories of his feelings change. Joe tries to think about if he loved her, too much or too little and he can't remember. He can remember the little things though but those are really painful. Joe thinks about Demi, who everyone has been pushing at him since the day they met. But she's really just like the sister they never had and Joe can only think about when it ends and he doesn't want that. Doesn't want to think about Demi later and not know how he feels.
There are things Joe doesn't think about. Joe doesn't think about the media, the money, the fame. But most of all, he doesn't think about Nick and this thing between them. Joe doesn't think about the way his fingers are intertwined with Nick's more often than not. That when Joe slides a finger over Nick's bottom lip, it trembles from need and want and fear. Joe doesn't think about the way they look at each other, the constant connection they have.
He doesn't think about all the times he pushes Nick down on his bed, and that Nick lets him. Joe can always feel them both already hard in their jeans and they haven't even kissed. Every time they kiss, it's like lightening and Joe thinks he could drown in Nick. Nick could just swallow him up and Joe would be fine with that. Joe doesn't think about how they roll around, a tangle of limbs and passion, how they both come undone at the simplest actions. When it's over, they lie there together, pressed impossibly close and talk. They talk about all the things they are supposed to keep secret and safe. Joe will tell Nick all the things he thinks about when he takes walks. Joe will tell Nick how much he loves him and Nick always echos it back.
Joe never stops to think that maybe this isn't right. Maybe they shouldn't do this. Joe doesn't need to think about these things because to him, it's all the way it's supposed to be. Joe can't imagine a life without Nick, without being in love with him. And that's what makes all this growing up okay, it's just growing up, it's not growing apart. Joe doesn't think about Nick not because he's scared it's wrong or something, but just the opposite. Joe's so sure about this one aspect of his life, he doesn't need to think about it. So Joe takes his walks and thinks about other things, things Joe will go and share with Nick, forever.