[Mini-Series] House of Happy - Part 02

[ephemeral_blue]

It's been so long... I hope you haven't forgotten about this story! I just finished this and wanted to get it out asap so please please please excuse the typos!! I also have realized this is going to be longer than a 3-Shot, why do I do this to myself??

Title: House of Happy
Pairing: Yoochun/Changmin, OT5
Genre: Angst, Drama, General
Rating: PG-13-R-ish
Warnings: Psychological problems, possible disturbing images
Summery: Every one has problems



It's been a month since he was kicked out from his home, his parents too fed up with his rebellion and a month since meeting Jaejoong; who in a moment of grace took him in. A month of getting to know his new roommates; Jaejoong who seems like the perfect human being, Yunho who has problems he needs to take medication for, Junsu who's timid and easily emotional is still sort of a mystery and Yoochun who sometimes sleeps in his bed to ward off the nightmares from coming back.

Changmin finds it a little weird that of all the people in the world, he'd manage to find people who seem almost, if not as fucked up as he is. Though in a way, he finds it quite appropriate.

Yunho freaks out at least once a week; taking too many pills at a time during the rest of the week. It leaves him with one day where the delusions and paranoia send him crashing into a violent and hazardous outbreak that has Junsu curling on the couch almost crying; Yoochun trying to contain him and Jaejoong whispering soft, soothing words of comfort into his ear to mollify his outbursts of people tracking him everywhere he goes.

Changmin once helped Jaejoong coerce Yunho from the edge of the rooftop, pleading with tender endearments; hugging him when he finally moved away and watched as Jaejoong slid his hands down his back, smoothed his wayward hair and kissed his eyes, his cheeks, his mouth with promises that the bad people would have to go through him before he would ever let them hurt him.

It's been a month that he's lived with four other strangers and he's realized one thing.

They're all, kinda, sorta together.

Like one big commune that shares clothes and spoons and living space. Where emotions are connected and sex is shared between them.

It's sometimes hard to drown out the noises.

Changmin remembers Junsu walking out of Jaejoong's room looking satisfied and splendidly satiated. His sparkling eyes shining with fulfillment and his body lucid as it slid beside him on the couch to watch an afternoon movie.

He figured there was something going on with Jaejoong and Yunho from the beginning, the way Jaejoong touches him, consoles him and kisses Yunho in front of everyone.

Sometimes Yoochun doesn't sleep in the room and Changmin wakes up to an empty bed beside him. In the morning Yoochun is wearing Jaejoong's shirt and they sit closely alongside each other during breakfast helping each other eat.

He thinks he doesn't mind, the way Yoochun holds Junsu's hand while they watch television or how Yunho curls into Jaejoong's side when he's had a bad day. And he thinks Junsu may be in love with Yunho, he's just too afraid to tell anyone but Yoochun talks about it sometimes when the lights are off and Changmin needs something to fall asleep too.

No one's tried anything with him and he's somewhat grateful.

He doesn't really know how he'd react if they tried anything, but sometimes when Yoochun's arms are wrapped protectively around him and he's sleeping soundly on his chest, warding the nightmares away, he thinks.

Maybe he wouldn't mind.

It's his turn to make dinner and Changmin recruits Junsu to help.

Junsu stops suddenly when Changmin asks him to chop up some scallions for the meat.

Changmin looks at Junsu curiously as he eyes the knife on the counter, his hands look like they're itching to reach for it, hold it in his hand but he doesn't make any attempts to actually use it.

Junsu looks over at him cautiously before folding his hands into a fist and moves away slowly.

Changmin thinks it's weird as he arranges potatoes along the pan, ready to fry them.

"What's wrong, Junsu?" he asks and Junsu steps back slowly, biting his lip in concentration.

"I can't," he says almost apologetically and his eyes are filled with worry and concern, apprehensive as he moves further and further away from the set of knives.

Changmin turns and he sees the fear, wonders what could be wrong as he walks over and pulls a knife from the set; the steel glinting hauntingly against the light. Junsu watches, almost captivated and Changmin wonders what's the matter with him.

"Junsu," he holds the knife calmly in his hands, the soft pressure around the holster light, offering it to him.

When Junsu moves forward, something wounded streams across his eyes and he immediately steps back almost frightened. Changmin lowers it to his side slowly.

"Jaejoong doesn't like me touching," Junsu says so softly, it's almost a whisper under his breath.

Changmin lifts it, looking at it harmlessly. "Why?" he asks and Junsu looks almost pained as he embraces himself, turning away and walking out of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," he says over his shoulder, leaving the room and Changmin sets the knife down, checking the potatoes before following him into the living room where Junsu is curling into himself, muttering words he can't hear.

"Junsu, what's wrong?" he asks and sits beside him, smoothing his hands along his back to ease his comfort.

Changmin's discovered there are certain tactics to calming each of them. Yunho likes when people run their fingers through his hair and Jaejoong's kisses; when Yoochun seems stressed he gives him music to listen to and sits beside him or goes on the rooftop and keeps him company while he smokes. And Junsu just likes being touched, a simple stroke of the back, a calming squeeze to his hand or an embrace, having another presence around him to soothe his fears and calm his emotions.

Changmin leans into him and sweeps the back of his hand down his cheek and when Junsu looks into his eyes he feels something pull at his heartstrings.

"It's bad," he worries his lower lip with biting teeth as he unfolds himself and curls elegantly against Changmin's side, clutching onto his shirt. He's shaking and Changmin embraces him tightly, pulling him close. He can smell his shampoo and it smells like Yoochun.

"What's so bad?" Changmin asks softly, his fingers gliding down tenderly, massaging at his neck, placing delicate pressure over his shoulders.

Junsu pulls away after a moment and tugs at his shirt. "When Jaejoong found out he told me I couldn't touch them," he says slowly, eyes a little shifty in their shame and Changmin feels his stomach clench because he knows it must really be bad. "He worries too much. I haven't done it in a long time, not since-" Junsu smiles sadly, "not since I've been here, with everyone."

Changmin thinks Junsu's about to tell him his story but he can smell the potatoes and starts to worry they'll burn if they're left unattended much longer. He stands up and pulls Junsu with him. "Talk to me," he says and grabs his hand. "You can still talk as I prepare," he smiles with encouragement and Junsu nods in thankful resolution.

Changmin leaves him by the refrigerator as he moves his attention to dinner and Junsu shifts from foot to foot as he watches. "You know, I'm a twin," he starts speaking without encouragement. Changmin looks over at him a little surprised and Junsu shies away with a grim nod. "His name is Junho," he adds as an afterthought. "My mother didn't know she was having twins and my parents," he breaks away, looking out the kitchen window with sadness in his eyes that makes him look terribly vulnerable, "they never loved me like they loved him," he frowns brokenheartedly and Changmin turns the stove off.

Changmin turns to him and lets him talk, he thinks sometimes it's better not to say anything, and for Junsu, he doesn't.

"He hated them and I tried so hard," he continues with glazed over eyes, "I tried so hard to make them love me."

Changmin remembers his mother, who was always there for him, who held him so close against her chest when he was hurt; who kissed his injuries to make them better, who always told him she loved him when he was a child going to sleep.

He doesn't know what it is to feel unloved.

His mother loved him so much and as he stands and listens to Junsu, with heartache in his words and pain in his eyes, he feels sorry for him.

"Before Jaejoong and Yunho, before Yoochun, my friends were bad," he crosses his arms and looks down at the floor towards his feet in embarrassment. "They did things and I just wanted someone to like me so," he breathes deeply, rubbing his arms slowly, "I did things to myself because they said it would make me feel better."

Changmin's chest tightens, the way it did when Yoochun started telling him his secrets, the same way he felt the first night Yunho freaked out. "Like what, Junsu?" he asks him, not really sure if he wants to know the answer.

Junsu looks up distraught and doesn't say anything for a long time.

The air is thick and filled with heavy anticipation. Soon he grabs the bottom of his shirt and pulls it off.

Changmin grips the counter to hold him steady as he sees the marks, the scars littered across his skin. There's a long one on the right side of his chest, right above the nipple. "Junho made the soccer team and my parents took him to see the world cup. They forgot to tell me," he says softly as he runs his fingers along the scar. "I didn't even cry," he admits. "I made sure it was clean," he speaks in memory, "my friends where right, it didn't hurt. It made me feel better."

Changmin thinks he may be sick. "Junsu," he takes a step towards him.

He looks at him sadly and touches a circular scar of dark tissue beside his navel. "My mother slapped me when I broke one of Junho's academic awards. He tried to stop her," Junsu bites his lip in memory and it tears at Changmin, "before my father could come home I left and my friend gave me his cigarette," he can cover the scar with his fingertip, "sometimes I can still remember the smell of my skin burning," he confesses and then extends his arms for Changmin and looks at them in pain.

Changmin shudders.

"They said if I had cut any deeper I would've died," he looks at his work and remembers, "my parents beat me when Junho wasn't around. When he was at practice or studying, so he didn't believe me," his voice breaks for a second but he manages to compose himself and reaches for Changmin's hand, sliding it along his temple, through his hair and it feels different.

"What's that?" he asks him under his breath, afraid to hear more.

"My father lost his job," Junsu rubs Changmin's fingers along the scar tissue, "no one else was home and he was drunk. When I came home from school he was in the kitchen. He started yelling at me and that's all I can remember," he lets Changmin's hand go and steps back slowly. "Junho told me he hit me with something, I don't know what. The next day when he pretended nothing happened I went into the bathroom and used the knife my friend gave me." And it's enough for Changmin.

He walks to him, wrapping his arms around Junsu. "Stop now," he tells him and runs his hands down his back. His fingers skirt over more scars and he closes his eyes. "That's enough, Junsu," he murmurs and Junsu clutches at him.

"My nurse introduced me to Jaejoong at the hospital," he reveals and pulls away, wiping at his eyes, "he kept coming back to see me and well," he smiles and it almost feels like it's been forever since Changmin has seen it, "I haven't seen my family in years."

Changmin doesn't think he's ever missed his family more like he does now.

Silence falls uncomfortably over them and Junsu shies away, hiding his scars, the countless others that come with some horrible story Changmin doesn't want to think about. He looks terribly vulnerable and it hurts to see him.

"Put your shirt back on, Junsu," Changmin reaches out and touches his shoulder. As he does so Changmin looks over at the unfinished dinner and sighs in resolution, hoping the sick feeling consuming him will pass soon. "You can take care of the potatoes and I'll cut the vegetables," he turns the stove back on and holds back the cry in his throat when he feels Junsu hug him tight from behind.

Yoochun calls Changmin when he's in the bathroom washing his face after dumping out the contents of his stomach from Junsu's story.

His manager won't let him leave work on time and he'll be home later.

Changmin mumbles something he can't really understand and hangs up after he can hear loud yelling from the background.

At the sound of Junsu's voice Changmin pushes himself from the sink and glances at his reflection. He looks like he's been run over by something big and painful.

When he turns off the light he wonders if he'll see his family again.

Jaejoong comes home and the smile that meets them at the dinner table makes Changmin's heart soar.

"It smells wonderful," he says and walks to him, hugging him tight. Changmin thinks if cooking dinner is all it takes for Jaejoong to hold him like this, he'll be happy to make dinner forever.

"It's nothing special," he blushes and Jaejoong grins kissing his cheek, leaving a deep imprint he thinks he may want to keep for a few days.

He's glad he's home, with him comes along a welcoming and comforting aura that's been missing since Changmin's talk with Junsu.

"You cooked dinner, it is special," he assures and sits down.

Junsu appears, holding a plate full of delicious looking vegetables and sets it in front of Jaejoong, receiving a sweet kiss on the mouth before the door opens and Yunho steps through looking hurried and frantic. He slams it shut and locks it and the other three watch as he presses himself against it, looking through the spyglass into the hall.

"Yunho," Jaejoong starts to stand but Junsu stops him and walks over to Yunho instead.

"Two guys in black were following me home," Yunho tells the door and makes sure it's locked again.

"Do you see anyone?" Junsu asks softly sliding his hand into Yunho's and kissing him on the cheek.

Changmin watches back by the table, his stomach twisting all over again, he glances at Jaejoong who's spreading his napkin over his lap calmly; he offers a small smile and a squeeze to his hand in sweet reassurance.

"Yunho, Junsu, come eat dinner," he calls out and after a few moments the both of them head to the table.

"Where's Yoochun?" Yunho asks, back to normal, leaning down to kiss Jaejoong who smiles against his mouth and runs his hand down his side before settling beside him.

Changmin walks back to the kitchen to gather the rest of dinner, "He called me. He's working late, he should be home soon," he answers them and when he turns around back to the table they are all looking at him with curious smiles. "What?" he asks and sets the meat in the middle, all eyes still on him.

It makes him almost uncomfortable.

"He never calls anyone," Junsu says softly looking at Yunho and Jaejoong. They turn their eyes back at Changmin and he flushes a little. "He never tells us anything," Junsu adds and Changmin ducks his head to get the other plates.

"Maybe he'll be back really late and felt like telling someone," Changmin shrugs placing a bowl of rice in front of Yunho who smiles at him in thanks and tugs him down to kiss his cheek. Changmin smiles bashfully as he sets another bowl in front of Jaejoong who's beaming.

"Maybe he feels like he needs to check in now," Yunho suggests looking sideways at Jaejoong who nods in agreement.

"Maybe he doesn't want you to worry," Junsu proposes and thanks Changmin as he hands him his rice, Changmin runs his fingers through his hair and smiles at the soft hum of his voice.

"Maybe we should enjoy the dinner Changmin made for us?" Jaejoong butts in and Changmin feels a relieving wave of thanks as he sits down at the table beside Junsu.

"Junsu helped me," Changmin adds and is rewarded with a squeeze of his hand and a beautiful glowing smile. "Please enjoy," he waves and sits back and watches them eat.

It's almost four in the morning and Changmin can't sleep.

The nightmares seem to be getting worse.

He thinks hearing Junsu's past may have something to do with it. Has somehow infiltrated his sub conscious.

He has visions of melting skin and screaming. Such horrifying screaming that makes his skin crawl and his insides burn.

And he can only watch it, his best friend withering on the floor as the flames torture every single inch of his body.

He can't move, he can't even yell out to him without the black smoke rolling out from his mouth, choking his words in silence.

Changmin reaches over and turns the lamp on and looks over at Yoochun's bed. It's empty.

He hasn't come back yet and it bothers him.

Yoochun should've been home by now and Changmin wonders where he is, what he's doing and who he's with.

The sound of a door closing itches at Changmin's ears and he sits up, he can see the subtle light from the hall filtering under the door before it's immediately burned out and the bedroom door opens.

Changmin pulls the blankets around his waist and watches as Yoochun comes in, stumbling, his hair disheveled and his eyes a little red.

"It's a little late don't you think?" he rips through the silence and Yoochun glances over at him a little surprised.

He trips over his feet and lands on the bed with a groan. "You're still awake," he musters and kicks his shoes off. "I thought you'd be asleep."

Changmin frowns when the foul smell of alcohol breezes past his senses. "You're drunk," he mutters and reaches over, turning the light off. "I'm going back to sleep."

"Did you miss me?" he can hear Yoochun shuffling around, removing his clothes by the soft thuds falling upon the floor. His bed squeaks under the pressure and Changmin rolls onto his stomach.

"I never miss you," Changmin lies because sometimes he does, but he'll never admit it to Yoochun.

"But you waited for me?" Yoochun counters and even in the dark Changmin can tell he's smiling and being smug.

He can't have that.

"I couldn't sleep," he tells him truthfully and turns on his side, eyes wide open and looking in the direction of Yoochun's bed. He can make out his form through the adjusting darkness.

"Nightmares?" Yoochun asks, his voice softer now and sounding a little worried which feels somewhat comforting.

Changmin rolls on his back and takes to looking up at the ceiling. "Yeah," he sighs and hears the other bed squeal followed by soft footsteps and soon a dip in the bed. "What are you doing?" he asks when he feels Yoochun slide in, making room for him nonetheless.

Yoochun's arm comes around his waist and he pulls him tight in heavy warmth. "You still haven't told me what you dream about," he whispers, the smell of alcohol bitter against his words.

He sighs and slides his fingers along Yoochun's, holding his hand. "I'm not going to," he tells him softly and looks over his shoulder into sparkling eyes lit by moonlight, "not yet."

"Okay," he nods and buries his lips along his hair in a gentle kiss.

And that's the best part of Yoochun. He doesn't ask him. Has never forced him to confess and that's why he's Changmin's favorite.

Soon he feels sleep coming back while he feels the steady beat of Yoochun's heart against his back.

Yoochun makes Changmin's bed on Saturdays, after he washes the sheets.

Changmin sweats in his sleep, the heat from the fire and smoke manifests itself into sticky dampness on his pillows, through his clothes to the sheets. He's had to buy several sheet sets after he got tired of having to wash every other day.

He thinks Yoochun finds him a little disgusting when he peels himself from him when the sun shines in the morning and he can see a clear imprint of his back on his chest.

"I'm sorry," Changmin walks in and throws his towel over the back of a chair, watching with a frown as Yoochun finishes with the bed.

He looks up at him with a smile, "don't worry about it," he smoothes down a wrinkle to finish and sighs looking at the bed. "I don't mind."

Changmin looks at the bed. "If I disgust you, you don't have to sleep with me."

Yoochun looks surprised and it looks handsome on his features. "You don't disgust me, Changmin." And he moves to him slowly, keeping eye contact that makes Changmin blush.

"But it's gross," he breathes when he's right in front of him, warm and soft in the morning air.

When he smiles, it's a little too beautiful, "I like gross," Yoochun whispers and leans in, his lips press like silk against his cheek.

Changmin thinks he's finally got his anger under control until he hears someone badmouthing Jaejoong in the parking lot when he's throwing the trash out.

He's got the guy on the ground with a bloody nose and swollen lip, his fist pulled back in preparation for another blow. "Say it again, motherfucker," he seethes, his hand clutching into the collar of his shirt.

"Changmin!"

He feels a strong pull around his waist and he's stumbling back onto his feet.

"What are you doing?"

Changmin looks behind him and Jaejoong's eyes are angry but more importantly concerned. "What are you doing?" he asks him again and Changmin looks over at the guy, whose name he doesn't know and doesn't care.

He gets to his feet, wobbling as he stands up. He spits out blood onto the concrete and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "I get it," he laughs and it's malicious as he takes a couple steps. "He's your fucking girlfriend."

And Changmin shoves Jaejoong aside with a growl and punches the guy again, so hard he knocks him back down to the ground. His knuckles hurt but he shakes it off and kicks at his stomach in such force the guy cries out.

"Shut the fuck up!" he yells down at him and feels Jaejoong's hand close around his wrist.

"That's enough, Changmin," he tells him and his words are hard and serious. "Leave him alone." He pulls him away and Changmin's breathing hard, his cheeks flushes in anger, his eyes ablaze as he looks down at the curled body on the floor.

"Fuck you," the guy yells and spits up at him, drops of blood land on his face and Changmin wants to kill him.

"You mother-"

"I said that's enough, Changmin," Jaejoong's fingers tighten around his wrist and in a quick pull Changmin staggers back and Jaejoong looks at him with enraged eyes. "Let's go," he orders and starts walking back to the shop.

Before they get inside Changmin hears the guy yell something disgusting at them and moves to go back but Jaejoong shoves him through the door.

He leads him past the kitchen towards a small office and Jaejoong shuts the door.

"Why did you stop me?" he demands and starts pacing, still trying to catch his breath, wondering when the searing anger will start to dissipate. He wants to punch his fist through the wall.

Jaejoong watches him quietly, his eyes follow his movements and Changmin can feel himself slowly starting to calm down. He can't explain why, doesn't even know how Jaejoong is doing it, but it's happening and he isn't as angry as he was before.

"I could've killed him," Changmin sighs and comes to a stop in front of Jaejoong he moves away from the door and grabs his hand.

He leads him to a small bathroom and turns on the water, pulling some paper towels from the dispenser. "You can't do that here, Changmin," he says calmly, letting the water run over the paper.

Changmin make a disgruntled noise from behind, "He call you a-"

"I don't care what he called me," he cuts him off and turns around, reaching up to Changmin's face, wiping the blood from his cheek, from the corner of his mouth where he was able to get one hit in. He's gentle and the anger is completely gone.

"But-"

"If he called the cops, they would arrest you for assault. It's his word over yours and you don't have one scratch on you," Jaejoong looks into his eyes and it's calming and filled with concern. "Changmin, I don't care what people say about me," he smiles softly and turns away, throwing the towel into the trash.

He walks back to the door but Changmin reaches for his arm and tightens his fingers around his wrist.

"I care, Jaejoong," he says and it's the truth. He's never met anyone like Jaejoong before and no one has any right to slander his name, not when he's become so important in his life. "And if it happens again, I'll do that same thing."

Jaejoong sighs and wraps him in a surprising hug, holding him tightly in his arms. "Thank you," he whispers and kisses his cheek. "Now get back to work," he winks and leaves him alone in the office.

Changmin's sitting on his bed and he's crying.

In his hands he's holding his best friend's favorite shirt.

He took if from his room the day of the funeral. The funeral he wasn't allowed to go to.

Because his family thought it was his fault their son was dead.

He misses him.

"Changmin I-"

Changmin keeps his head down and wipes at his eyes, wrapping his fingers tighter around the cloth.

"Oh shit, sorry."

It's Yoochun and he sounds like he knows he's crying.

"What do you want?" he asks him, clearing his throat of emotion. But he keeps his eyes down because he knows he looks like a mess.

"I was just going to ask-but. It's nothing," he says and sits beside him uninvited.

Changmin doesn't move and doesn't look at him.

"Are you ok?" he reaches for him and Changmin lets him touch his shoulder because through the pain of remembering, it makes him feel a little better.

"No," he shakes his head and feels a few more tears rise to his eyes. "No, I'm not ok," his voice breaks and he brings the t-shirt to his face.

Yoochun wraps his arms around him and doesn't say anything else.

Yunho opens the door as Changmin wakes up. He tries to move but Yoochun's sleeping body is holding him down on the bed.

"Hi," he says softly, his head poking through. "Didn't mean to wake you up," he steps in and Changmin yawns.

"It's ok, Yunho," he looks down at Yoochun and maneuvers himself from under him without waking him up, "are you ok?" he asks him because Yunho never comes to him unless there's something wrong.

This time though, Yunho waits patiently by the bed until Changmin is on his feet and when he is, Yunho hugs him. "I heard you crying," he says, pulling him close.

For a moment it feels weird because Yunho is trying to comfort him and it's usually the other way around. But it feels nice and that's a little surprising. He doesn't even think about it when he wraps his arms tighter around him and tries to tell himself he's going to be alright.

"I'm ok now," he says after a moment and Yunho pulls away, looking at him, touching his cheek, squeezing his shoulder.

"I know I'm crazy," he smiles but his eyes are honest, "but I'm here if you need me, Changmin."

And Changmin believes him. "Thank you," he sighs and moves away, but Yunho grabs his hand and holds it and he doesn't let it go.

"Junsu and Jaejoong are watching a movie, want to watch it with us?" he asks.

Changmin looks over at Yoochun briefly and wishes he were awake before he nods and they leave the room.

Jaejoong gets tickets for a professional soccer game and only has enough for three of them. Junsu claims the first one the moment the announcement leaves Jaejoong's mouth and Yunho grabs one almost as quickly. Yoochun's at work so he loses by default and Changmin knows it would probably be better if Jaejoong go with them, if anything to keep them under control. Besides, he doesn't like soccer that much anyway.

"There's leftover food in the fridge if you get hungry," Jaejoong tells him as he grabs his jacket, "we're probably going to eat after the game so we should be home later. If you need me, call me," he says and slides his wallet into his back pocket.

"Jaejoong, let's go!" Junsu screams from the door as Yunho walks out past him, he waves goodbye to Changmin and Changmin waves back. "Hurry up!" he demands and walks out, leaving the door open.

"Is there anything else?" Jaejoong looks around in thought and after awhile Changmin shoves him towards the front door.

"Everything will be fine, now go before Junsu pees himself," he laughs and stands by to lock up.

"Right," Jaejoong smiles and starts to leave but then comes back and grabs Changmin's shirt, pulling him down to kiss him on the cheek. "Don't do anything stupid while we're gone," he says and lets him go.

Changmin grins and watches until they're down the hall and out of sight before closing the door.

He only has about an hour to himself where he cleans the room, makes Yoochun's bed for him and takes a shower before Yoochun comes home.

"Where is everyone?" he asks, throwing his bag on the couch as he makes his way to the kitchen.

Changmin turns off the television and looks over at him. "Soccer game," he answers. He continues to watch Yoochun, he's drinking from a bottle of water and there's something sexy about the way his throat moves with each swallow.

"There's no food," Yoochun closes the refrigerator door and walks over to the living room, offering his bottle to Changmin.

"There are leftover," he tells him and takes a long drink. Yoochun is watching him.

He blushes and doesn't know why.

"Let's go out and eat," he suggests and Changmin finishes what's left of the water as he nods.

Yoochun takes him to an Italian eatery a few blocks down and Changmin thinks the bread is absolutely delicious. Yoochun orders for him and even though he knows it's not, it almost seems like they're on a date.

A part of him is really excited. The other part of him is a little intimated by the feelings.

Yoochun's been amazing and he hasn't even known him that long. It's scary how attached he's become. He's never really grown so close to anyone before, not since his best friend.

Who knew him better than anyone else, who understood him.

His best friend was his world and his family when Changmin needed him to be.

He he was the only person Changmin never stopped loving.

Since he's been gone Changmin feels like he's lost the other part of himself and in some way, that part seems to be filling up.

With Yoochun.

Yoochun is watching him as he eats and it's making Changmin feel a little anxious. "What?" he asks, eating the last bit off his fork and make sure his mouth is clean of any sauce.

Yoochun sips his wine with a smile. "You eat very fast," he comments and takes another drink.

Changmin looks down at his plate, it's almost cleared and Yoochun's plate looks as if it hasn't been touched. "Oh sorry," he frowns and tells himself to slow down as he sets his fork against the plate.

"Don't apologize," he begins twirling his noodles around the fork, "It's just an observation," he smiles and eats, "please eat."

So he does and even finishes the rest of Yoochun's food when he's too stuffed to eat any more.

They decide to walk home to work off the heavy food.

It's dark outside and Changmin still gets nervous around the bad neighborhood. Yoochun on the other hand walks confidently with his hands in his pockets and a light smile on his face.

Changmin thinks someone is buying drugs up ahead of them and he moves a little closer to Yoochun. "This place still freaks me out," he mutters under his breath and Yoochun laughs.

"Don't make eye contact and if anyone talks to you, respond but don't encourage further conversation," he tells him, "most of these people just want to keep to themselves."

As they pass a homeless man on the corner Changmin's heart freezes when he feels a hard clamp on his wrist and he's pulled back. "What the fuck are you looking at?" he demands and his pupils are huge and dilated.

Yoochun grabs his arm almost immediately and pulls him roughly from the man and urges Changmin to keep walking. "Walk on the inside," he slides a hand across his back and moves him between him and the buildings.

He's too terrified to speak again.

"Ok, that doesn't happen all the time," Yoochun tries to reassure him but Changmin feels like he's shaking and although he's tall and looks tough, he's never had to deal with these kind of things before. In his part of town people still sleep with their doors unlocked.

Yoochun outstretches his hand as they get closer to home and Changmin bites his lip.

He's not shaking anymore and the fear is practically gone but he takes it anyway.

He feels better almost instantly.

"I now understand why Yunho thinks people are following him," he mutters.

Yoochun snickers. "It's not that bad, I've been walking these streets most of my life," he gives his hand a little tug and Changmin looks at him and remembers Yoochun's secrets.

"Did you-uh, you know? Here?" he wonders if it's ok to ask him. He wants to know more about Yoochun, even if it's painful.

In fact, he wants to know everything about him.

Yoochun sighs but doesn't say anything.

They cross at the green light and turn down their street. When they approach a liquor store Yoochun drags him inside and buys two large bottles of alcohol.

"I feel like drinking," Yoochun holds the black plastic bag in his free hand, taking Changmin's hand in his other. "Ask me again when I've had a few shots."

With an empty bottle lying on the floor and the other one almost done Changmin tries to see straight as he lies sideways on the bed, his head and legs hanging off the edges.

"This is uncomfortable," he says looking up at the ceiling. Yoochun trips over his own shoes and lands loudly on the floor and Changmin rolls on his stomach laughing so hard he thinks he may wet himself.

"Ow," Yoochun tries to move but with all the liquor in his system, he looks too heavy to do it on his own. "Come help me you asshole!" he yells above Changmin's laughter.

Changmin crawls to the edge of the bed and looks over at Yoochun's splayed body and starts laughing again. "You're a dumbass," he snorts.

Yoochun manages to get to his hands and knees with a groan and hits him when he moves to the bed, climbing up over Changmin. "Move," he orders, making sure to press extra hard on his stomach which makes Changmin gasp out loud in pain. He collapses on the pillows, his legs on Changmin's chest. "Shit," he mutters as he looks over his shoulder.

Changmin lifts his head and looks at him. "What?" He can see Yoochun's finger waving in the air

"I left the other bottle on the floor," he murmurs, his eyes closed. "Go get it."

Changmin groans and shoves Yoochun's legs off him as he rolls off the bed and gets to his feet. He's a little wobbly as he walks over and picks it up. A heavy rush speeds through his head and he staggers precariously until he catches himself against the desk chair.

"Fuck, this isn't good," he mutters, he hasn't been this drunk in a long time. "Jaejoong is going to be mad," he says walking slowly to the bed.

"I want a cigarette," Yoochun says, but remains with his face pressed to the pillow looking like he's ready to pass out.

Changmin doesn't think he would mind one either. "Come on then, let's go have one."

"On the roof?" Yoochun rolls over and sits up.

Changmin nods and Yoochun gets to his feet quickly.

He doesn't know how they make it up the stairs without killing themselves. Yoochun can't stop laughing when they get to the roof after Changmin screamed like a little girl when he saw a rat run past his house slippers.

"Shut up!" he shoves him and Yoochun trips and falls on his ass. He rolls on his back and laughs harder.

"Oh god, ow," he winces behind his cackling and Changmin helps him back to his feet. "Fuck, it's cold," he shivers and grabs for his pack of cigarettes that unfortunately where crumpled upon his fall. "Look what you did!" he chuckles and pulls two out.

It takes a few tries to light the cigarettes.

"Stop shaking!" Changmin scolds, cupping his hand around the flame.

"Shut up," Yoochun steps on his foot and the light disappears.

Three more tries later they're smoking as they walk closer to the edge to view the city below.

"Don't get too close, I can't promise I'll catch you if you trip over the edge," Changmin warns reaching for him. Yoochun staggers back a few steps and blows out the smoke from his mouth. He's shivering. "Come here," he pulls him closer and wraps his arms around Yoochun's trembling chest.

"Oh," he breathes and smiles shyly.

"Don't burn me," Changmin warns and takes a drag, hooking his chin over his shoulder. Yoochun presses back against his chest and Changmin instinctively holds him tighter.

They don't talk and Changmin thinks it's really nice even though it's cold. But he's warmer now.

And he thinks that's even nicer.

"I went by Micky," Yoochun takes a drag and holds it in for a few moments before he releases it into the wind. Changmin watches the smoke swirl away. "I used to hustle a few blocks down," he says quietly, a little slurred. He's not shaking anymore.

Changmin feels his chest tighten and he curls his fingers around Yoochun's shirt to make sure he's still with him.

"That liquor store," he takes another drag, "some guy gave me some really bad stuff this one time and when he couldn't fuck me, he threw me out of the car right in front," he tosses the cigarette over the edge. "I know these streets better than anyone," he sighs and turns around and Changmin sees pain in his face behind his smile.

He feels sober now.

"Do you think about it?" Changmin asks without really thinking and hopes he isn't being too intrusive.

Yoochun sighs and looks into his eyes. "All the time," he moves away and shivers almost immediately. "Come on, let's go back inside.

They stumble down the stairs a little bit and Changmin finds himself practically holding Yoochun up when he missteps and twists his ankle.

"I can walk," he shoves him away but then collapse in a terrible pile on the floor and Changmin hopes he's not too drunk to carry him. When he bends down to pick him up he feels himself leaning a little too far but manages to windmill his arms and get himself back to safety.

Yoochun starts laughing when Changmin almost falls again, this time with him in his arms.

"Shit, don't drop me!" he screams a little too loud in his ear and Changmin stumbles again and blinks to take away his double vision.

"I can't promise that," Changmin wheezes and concentrates on his footing the rest of the way.

He bumps into the couch when they get inside and Yoochun can't stop laughing. When they get into the room Changmin dumps him on the bed and bends at the waist.

"For someone so small, you weigh a ton," he complains and turns, hearing his back crackle and pop.

Yoochun snorts. "I'm not small," he says coyly and then winks in a way that Changmin knows, without a doubt, he's not talking about his body.

"Ew. That's not what I meant," he starts looking for the unfinished bottle. He's going to need a little more to drink if they're going down that path.

"You said it," he smirks and lays back down, breathing in deeply.

"When I want to know that kind of information, I'll ask," he finds the bottle on Yoochun's bed and takes a long drink, wincing at the heavy burn against his throat. "Move over," he smacks Yoochun's leg and crawls beside him. "This is my bed," he reminds him and hands over the bottle.

Yoochun grins and takes a drink. "I like your bed," he says and places the bottle on the nightstand. He turns on his side and looks over at Changmin with watchful eyes, very drunk and pink stained cheeks.

Changmin flushes under his stare. "I like you in my bed," he hears himself saying as he turns away far too embarrassed to keep looking at Yoochun.

It is, after all, the truth.

Sometimes he wants to ask Yoochun to always sleep in his bed.

It's becoming so that he can't sleep without him there.

And that's kind of terrifying.

Changmin feels warmth behind him and soon Yoochun's arm snakes around his waist and he's being pushed closely into him.

"I really like you, Changmin," he says quietly, his hand curling around his waist and Changmin can feel his breathing hitch with something close to excitement. "I'm really glad you came here," he confesses softly as his fingers inch down his waist.

Changmin feels fire sweeping his neck and smiles to himself where Yoochun can't see. "Me too," he breathes and catches the gasp in his throat when Yoochun's fingers play with the waistband of his jeans.

"Can I ask you something?"

He looks over his shoulder and Yoochun's right there, so close he can feel his breath on his mouth. "Anything you want," he whispers.

Yoochun turns him on his back and leans over him. "Can I kiss you?" he smiles and it's beautiful.

His heart is beating too fast and there are tingles percolating in his stomach, flurries of excited butterflies fluttering around. "If you want too," he answers.

Yoochun does.

His mouth warm and gentle against his lips.

Changmin can taste the alcohol on his tongue and when Yoochun licks the roof of his mouth slowly, he groans and slides his fingers in his hair to pull him closer.

"I learned a lot on the streets," Yoochun sucks gently on his lip and Changmin feels an excitement he hasn't felt in so long. Yoochun's hand slides down his chest, incitingly until his fingers rest on the button of his jeans, lips pressing teasingly against Changmin's mouth. "Let me show you," he asks and kisses him again.

He touches him carefully, his hands reverent against his skin, mapping the planes of his body in beautiful adoration.

"Yoochun," he begs softly and gasps when he feels the heat of his mouth around him.

Changmin cries out when he comes, his fingers clutching the pillow, his eyes closed, his mouth open, gasping for air.

"Are you ok?" Yoochun asks with concern, his body glistening under the light and Changmin nods trying to contain himself.

"I'm ok," he breathes slowly and chokes when he moves inside.

"If it hurts I'll stop," he leans in and kisses him and the friction sparks like firecrackers against his eyes.

"No," he scratches his back and bites down on his shoulder, "no," he pleads.

And when Yoochun hits that spot, sharp and quick he holds on tighter.

When Changmin wakes up in the morning he feels like he's going to die.

Or at least like he wants too.

He looks over his shoulder and a sharp throb in his head paralyzes him for a moment. Yoochun is sleeping with his back to him, he can hear him snoring. He bites his lip and attempts to sit up when another jolt of pain slices through his back.

"Fuck," he groans and looks around.

His clothes are on the floor and he realizes in one horrifying moment, he's completely naked.

"Oh fuck," he turns his head and looks at Yoochun's naked back, pressing his hand to his temple when it feels like a knife is splitting his brain in two. He clenches his eyes tight to ride out the pain.

He tries to think and sees the two empty bottles on the floor.

There was alcohol.

He remembers Jaejoong, Junsu and Yunho going to the soccer game. He remembers going to dinner with Yoochun.

Changmin slowly stands up, clutching the sheet as he reaches for his pants. It hurts to move.

He remembers drinking.

He remembers Yoochun.

He remembers kissing him.

Changmin finds the condom wrapper on the nightstand.

And he remembers Jaejoong's warning.

"Don't do anything stupid while we're gone."

He looks over at Yoochun again and he remembers.

| 01 |
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