new poem

Sep 28, 2006 11:45

this came out of my new writing group at MTSU. hope you like. want feedback good and bad.

They pay their moneyand they all laugh ( Read more... )

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hogofheaven October 1 2006, 21:56:22 UTC
I don't think I know anybody else who could've written such a sparsely elegant poem about the bearded lady.

It's very nice - pretty imagery, good pacing, and a clear voice despite the brevity of the piece.

My only thing: I'd like the rhythm of the first line better if it was a syllable longer, i.e. "and EVERYONE laughs." That's all I've got - can't really fuck with this at all.

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