The Unbearable Weight of Being - Part 3

[isilwath]

I wish I could say that there was a happy ending to this story, but I can’t. Without my mom either regaining the ability to swallow without choking or returning to her right mind, there was only one way this saga could end. Neither of those things happened. In fact, as the time wore on it became more and more evident that the damage from the stroke

Comments

[coffee_gyrl]

I had wondered what had happened to you honey. I'm very sorry for such a shit pile on you. I wish there was something I could say that would help you feel better. You're right about not tolerating the feeding tube. As a former ICU nurse, if they are clawing out the O2 and IVs, then the feeding tubes will come right out. And it sucks putting it in. You did everything in your power you could have some control over, in a situation where you have very little power or control, to help your mom. The effort was noble and you did good. I wish you peace and happiness in your future days. Sending well wishes.

[isilwath]

Thank you. It means a lot to have my suspicions confirmed. :) I do hope that life will settle down some now.

[fardareismai2]

I was looking up people I haven't "seen" in a while, and found tweeets with your posts about your mom, and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what a difficult few years you (and yours) have endured. I hope you and Mark have regained equilibrium, and that you've been able to let go of any guilt you were harboring. Feeling that relief isn't anything to feel guilty about. Not being there for her would maybe be something to feel guilty about, but relief? No. I also hope you find peace about your mother's expectations of you. It also sounds like you were always what she needed you to be, not only at the end, even if she failed to realize it. I wish all the best to you and Mark.

[isilwath]

Thank you. It's gotten a little better. Calmer. I feel like I'm falling down the rabbit hole more as the 1 yr anniversary approaches. I'm trying to process and just allow myself to feel. Some days are better than others. I hope you and yours are doing well.