Comments | ishonn: Leave-taking (R/S)

ishonn

Leave-taking (R/S)

Jun 09, 2007 18:31

I changed my mind. I am crazy. Writing like crazy. Crazy things.

It’s my first Remus/Sirius poem since, as I’ve just checked, a year: the previous one was “ Foundations”, written exactly on the 8th of June 2006 (and posted precisely four months later). So I really couldn’t wait. The next peculiarity is the fact that the poem’s rhymed - although I ( Read more... )

remus/sirius, remus, poem, seriously, sirius

Comments 12

opheliet June 10 2007, 00:39:24 UTC

And you almost didn't post this?! That would be a crime, m'dear.

This is just brimming with Remus's voice, even though it's a poem. You do have a way with drawing me in on the first line, again I was enamored with this one. And the imagery you used with birds of summer- that was just so Sirius to me. He always strikes me as such a flighty sort of person, unable to ever be tied down, and his death only emphasizes that, especially to Remus. The "voiceless cry" of Remus in the last stanza really evoked the image of the infamous veil scene in OotP, and how that would probably surround Remus constantly in his thoughts.

Poor Remus. He lost his dreams and his Sirius, but you showed it so well here. It's positively elegant in its melancholy. I loved it. I can just picture Remus writing this in dusty old Grimmauld while everyone else was cleaning or something.

ishonn June 10 2007, 07:41:43 UTC

Thank you so much! You have no idea how happy you’re making me! But no, this is yet another (!) rhymed piece, and I was quite sure to post it from the beginning. The one I mentioned in my previous post is “Your letter won’t come”, and I think I will post it after all, even if just to document my unbelievable development ;-)

I’m thrilled that you can hear Remus’s genuine voice in my poem, and that his observations seem accurate. I fully agree with you about Sirius’s ‘flightiness’. I wrote once some sort of a monologue of Remus’s where he complains (let me oh so modestly quote myself): Sirius, where are you? Why do I always have to be left behind, trying to catch up with you and never quite succeeding? I’m glad that this notion is close to you, too.

I associated the voiceless cry the same way as you, imagining Remus’s reaction to Sirius’s fall. We don’t really see it in the Harry-centred Veil scene, but I always imagined Remus would be frozen to the spot, speechless in his terror. Oh yes, I do believe this memory would return to him, ( ... )

mindabbles June 10 2007, 01:36:00 UTC

I agree with the previous comment, that you can hear Remus' voice here. He sounds so resigned, a bit weary, and somehow not resentful. The final stanza is very evocative - it portrayed perfectly that way I read Remus at the end of OotP. My, you HAVE been busy. Really lovely.

ishonn June 10 2007, 08:16:27 UTC

Thank you very much for your lovely comment! I’m beyond happy to hear that for you, too, the poem can work as an account of Remus’s genuine thoughts. I love the way you describe him, and I agree with your observations: he doesn’t reproach Sirius, but rather states the facts with melancholy and resignation. Perhaps he realises that it was his own mistake to hope Sirius would stay?

I’m particularly happy that the last triplet seems like an accurate description (or rather interpretation) of Remus’s reaction to Sirius fall.

Busy indeed ;-) The thing is, I ought to be busy with learning for an exam, and not with writing poems and translating Larkin …

Thank you again for the feedback!

paulamcg June 22 2007, 20:14:44 UTC

It’s hard to choose where to comment next, but in the end I can’t resist focusing on Remus. I, too, recognize his resignation here. I’m particularly moved by the summer imagery. I’ve gradually realised that Sirius was Remus’s summer, the only summer he’s had (in my stories - perhaps only with one exception and even in that case Sirius interferes), and he mainly didn’t have it ( ... )

Sinner's confession ishonn June 23 2007, 12:45:09 UTC

In your extrapolation you go even further than me, developing the image - and I love it! Yes, Sirius was like Remus’s summer … which now reminds me of one of my first favourite fics on FA, “Sirius Sun”, as well as the first poem of Larkin’s I translated, “An April Sunday brings the snow”, which I have yet to send to you ( ... )

Re: Sinner's confession paulamcg June 23 2007, 15:12:23 UTC

I’m happy you are fast and impatient to share. After discussions you can always continue to edit. (I just have to beware, so I won’t get all overwhelmed and unable to write something myself and acknowledge it, too. Last night after crying for your Remus who opened the door I actually wrote a PoA-period 100-word sketch, and that’s a rare achievement from me, perhaps something to be celebrated, so I couldn’t resist mentioning it, but I’ll still have to consider whether it’s too wrong to be shared.)

I’m thrilled you found my comment here so inspiring. I could have added that the obvious wordings, or universal imagery, fitted with the inclusion of rhymes, made it all softly join a tradition, something your character could end up doing when not at his most ambitious, radical artistic mood. But I doubt we need to think that Remus actually wrote this poem. In any case, I wonder if every word can be something new, something extraordinary. Something in the idea is familiar and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Perhaps then, when showing ( ... )

Re: Sinner's confession ishonn June 23 2007, 18:58:32 UTC

This flood seems to be a quest for relief, but none has come yet. Perhaps I must keep writing. In the meantime, I start doubting my words more and more, as if I couldn’t trust their meaning, as if they could betray me and change sides at the last moment. It’s a strange time, but I must be grateful that I can afford it, and hope that the fruits will not turn out as bitter as they seem to me now ( ... )

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