That Come

[ishonn]

This is a poem I wrote two days ago. As I explained in my thank-you notes to the wonderful comments on “ Look”, I make here another attempt to develop the idea of unconventional line breaking, although this time on a much smaller scale.

I’m wondering whether, or actually how the poem can be understood without a key, which is the meaning of the

Comments

[mindabbles]

For me, the explanation added to the poem. I read it a couple of times, read the explanation and then read it again. Before the explanation I interpreted the butterflies as beauty or desire. I loved the image of the ones that don't come at all. Also, the sense that if you try too hard, hold too tight, what you are hoping for will be gone - maybe I am putting my own very limited experience with creative writing in there! I think the last three lines worked very well. As with 'Look,' the reader can place emphasis or pauses in different places and the meaning/feeling changes. Thanks for sharing this and the notes about your process.

[ishonn]

First of all I’d like to apologise that it took me so ridiculously long to reply to your lovely comment, but I’m having a hard time at the university, and while it takes a moment to post something, I need much more time to compose a proper reply to a comment

[mindabbles]

Just wanted to drop in again and say that I thought of your poem the other day when I took my son to a butterfly exhibit at a science museum. We sat for ages in a pavilion surrounded by butterflies in various stages of their life cycle - not one landed on either of us (my son was hoping they would) but they fluttered around us and landed close by on flowers. The staff in the exhibit said again and again, 'you can't touch them or try to capture them. that will damage their wings and they cannot fly.' Please do not feel pressure to respond - I just wanted to share this with you. Take care.

[ishonn]

Thank you so much for sharing this experience with me! I’ve never been to such an exhibition, but it’s great to have a little girl’s observations confirmed this way now. I’m also particularly happy to know that, after having read my poem, you paid attention to this detail and perhaps saw the real butterflies (which didn’t want to come) as poems.

It’s really lovely of you to tell me about this visit, thank you again!

[magda2em]

I'm biased, but that's probably coming from seeing you pretty often ;-) I've heard the story about/behind butterflies often enough to recall it the moment I saw the first line of the poem. It made me smile, you know? Your poem reflects this concept so wonderfully. The delicacy of a butterfly, the fragile wings and the smudged dust. And then come the butterflies, which actually don't come - and then the tyrants, though frail. It's incredible how the meaning of the last few verses changes, according to the place you take your breath while reading it - it leaves the poem open-ended, open for countless interpretations. I enjoy the calm feeling emanating from your poem, though the frustration you experience, when the butterfly flies around and doesn't let himself to be caught, is far from calm.

Thank you for sharing this poem.

*goes off to eat dinner, still with a wide smile on my face*

*hugs*
Magdalena

[ishonn]

Oh, I don’t see why you should be biased, or at least more biased than anyone else. Remember, such a thing as objectivity does not exist in receiving poems.

I’m so glad that you enjoyed this piece so much and that, aware of the original concept, you felt you could enjoy it even deeper. It’s also wonderful to know that you find the concept accurately represented in this single poem.

I’m really thrilled that the structure of the final lines worked so well for you! I wanted to show how ambiguous the author’s feelings can be towards his writing, how he himself can’t say which pain is greater: that of writing, or not writing. It’s great to hear that I succeeded!

It’s interesting how you found calm in this - as you said yourself - decidedly not peaceful poem. Do you think you could extrapolate on this idea some more for me?

In any case many thanks for your feedback, and please forgive me taking so long to reply.