FIC: For A Second

[ishonn]

Finally a fanfic! I was getting worried, seeing as the last one was written at the beginning of January. It’s just a drabble again, but hopefully I’ll get to write something longer soon, too.

Title: For A Second
Characters: Sirius, Remus; Sirius’s POV
Era: MWPP at Hogwarts
Rating: PG
Word count: 100
Disclaimer: I disclaim.
A/N: It’s the first time

Comments

[randygrapes]

This was really thought-provoking, my mind keeps wandering through all the 'what ifs' now. All the connotations are there perfectly. I also love how you've portrayed Sirius here; his guilt is evident from the prayer, and I adore the line "For a wild second Sirius thinks that everything will be all right." That just completely sums up Sirius' character to me, the impulsiveness, the slight petulance, the lack of thinking through the consequences.

That last line was really striking, emphasising the severity of what Sirius did, as well as allowing the reader's imagination to fill in the implications for his/herself.

[ishonn]

Thank you so much for the detailed and thoughtful feedback! I’m so glad you like the drabble, particularly that it was our exchange that inspired me to write it.

I think that provoking to muse on the what’ifs and to think of possible answers is what I love most about drabbles. I’m very happy that “For A Second” works like that, too. Originally I intended to write something longer, but then I realised that this simple image with all the understatements will convey more meaning than a full-fledged scene describing Remus’s reaction. The possibility seems more tragic than a fact, doesn’t it?

You made me so happy saying you like how Sirius came out here, especially in this one sentence. I had this impression that he’d try to hold on to an even impossible hope as long as he could, he’d like to put off the moment when the world was to end.

Like I said, I decided to let the potential play its role rather than describe what follows. It’s rewarding to learn it worked so well.

Re: :(

[ishonn]

Yeah, and outrageously stupid on top of that. But I love him anyway.

Thanks for the comment ^_^

Re: :(

[ishonn]

Yes, I know something about it. And I certainly believe that Sirius did stun himself with his idiocy sometimes, to the point that he wanted to Stun himself, too.

I always find it particularly tragic that Sirius, the image of loyalty, had to go and betray. I think it added to his own pain afterwards, because the idea was so completely strange to him and he really hadn't meant to.

[paulamcg]

Once again I’m amazed at how much space and time a hundred words and a second are for you. You have the opportunity for evocative repetition and you don’t miss it. Instead, you don’t add any unnecessary explanations, statements or comings and goings at the beginning or the end. I’m especially impressed by how even after the first illusion is gone, Sirius clings to the hope with the “almost”. It’s also interesting to reread and return to the question, What was he expecting?You keep stirring my memory. Sirius’s wild second now reminds me of a child’s hope that she hasn’t really broken her toy. (I almost hesitate to mention this, as it seems to be such a trivial comparision, but there is something childlike in Sirius’s thoughts here, isn’t there?) For a moment, from an angle, the doll looks fine again, so the prayer has been heard and a miracle has proved God’s existence

[ishonn]

First of all, how good to hear from you! I’ve just come home, ridiculously tired and disheartened after doing enormous shopping, but I lightened up as soon as I saw the notification. Perfect timing again

[paulamcg]

Oh yes, I should have remembered how you’d already explained your choice between the first person and the third person before. I’m afraid I’m not so cautious at all. Yes, perhaps there’s more reason for being cautious when the viewpoint character is very young… (Looking for excuses…)

I must hurry to tell you here how happy I am about the reception your latest first-person - and repetition! - drabble has got. I’m tempted to call this a breakthrough! While the R/S corner of the fandom is getting quiet and the remaining readers are perhaps interested mainly in conventional hot scenes, this community seems to gather more openminded friends of fanfic, and at least your reviewers seem to appreciate the quality (style and heart) in writing. Now perhaps you’d like to consider (commenting on something by some of these writers and, on their threads) suggesting mutual friendings. Even better if you can offer another excellent piece of fic before the end of the month. Congratulations

[ishonn]

I’d never call you of all people incautious, or not enough cautious, when it comes to writing - you’re always so incredibly aware of so many choices that it keeps startling me. No need to look for excuses