For just_1_word | 35.1 Overload

[isabelowens]

[Set a week ago | Co-written with agentsullivan]

Ali exited the bathroom and pushed her messy hair out of her face. She dragged herself back into the living room with a hand rubbing at her gut through her pyjama top. She stuck her tongue out and pulled a face. "I deserve a medal for that. That was a very quiet spew, considering. And I didn't even wake him up. How is that for talent? I'm getting a real niche with this. There should be Morning Sickness Olympics or something." She stopped before she sat down again, her stomach turning over a little again. There was a few moments of hesitation before she decided whether she should run back to the toilet or sit back down, but she soon felt safe enough to drop back into her vacated seat beside Izzy on the sofa. She was still in her pyjamas, still in that period of the pregnancy where she couldn't be bothered with anything but the absolute vital of tasks, and sex. She was just lucky that this time around, she had a sexy hot-blooded and fit paramedic to cater to her needs.


Andrew had a few days off, but Ali's hormones saw him through three rounds of sex that morning when they woke up. Once in bed, once in the shower, then once on the kitchen counter before her morning sickness started to kick in again. Andrew didn't even get his breakfast. He just stood groggily in the middle of the kitchen, pulling his pyjama pants back up and mumbled some disjointed intention of going back to bed. He had merely flopped face down on their bed and promptly passed out with his face squished into the pillow. Ali, on the other hand, camped out on the bathroom floor until the doorbell rang and she found Izzy there for an impromptu visit. Ali held her hand up and pushed back up off the sofa, disappearing into the kitchen briefly before returning with her arms laden with five tubs of Ben & Jerrys ice cream, all different flavours, with two spoons. She opened each one and dug out a large mouthful of Half-baked. "I know I'm nauseous, but it's way better having something to throw up," she explained, the reasoning perfectly sane in her hormone-drained mind.

After a moment of thought, Isabel reached for the tub of Karamel Sutra. She was getting used to Ali's pregnancy habits. She hadn't been around for all of them with Jamie, but she did remember what she had been around for. It was strange that she didn't click to some of them being reflected in herself. She just put it down to it being 'that time'. Even if the PMS had been lasting for a couple of weeks, and in the form of emotional outbursts, horniness, and a wish to just be in sweatpants and nothing else. She was struggling more and more with the clothing she wore to work. And the heels were making her feet ache something unreal.

She dug the other spoon in, turning it upside down as she sucked on the ice cream. "Are there things that are different this time than with Jamie?"

Ali was half-way through a loaded spoonful of three different flavours, her mouth somehow growing in capacity of late. She nodded. "N'lone..." she got out unintelligently, but swallowed the ice cream before she tried again. She was already moving onto the next spoonful. "I'm not alone. And I don't mean that as a crap dig in anyway, that's not what I mean. I have Andrew. Things are just different by default. He helps, and he's sex on tap. Just, this time... I'm so much more tired and even more brain-dead. I washed my Manolos. I'm not joking. I picked them up with my washing, and just dumped them into the machine with Sunshine's nappies. And it seems to be rubbing off on Andy... or maybe I'm just not letting him rest enough."

Iz smirked around another moutful. Unlike Ali she waited until her mouth wasn't as full before she said anything. "You're not letting him rest enough. You could just feed him viagra and let him sleep through you riding him. At least if it ever happens with Cameron he'll be able to rest on the other side of the globe, or whatever." Izzy scraped the spoon over the ice cream, creating patterns. "I think I broke his brain, even if he says we're okay. I can't believe you washed your Manolos!"

Ali sat back and started to rub her stomach again, puffing her cheeks out through a wave of nausea. She raised her eyebrows in interest. "I think you might be onto something there. And his cock is so fantastic," she moaned, holding her spoon up. "Five orgasms. Five. In one morning. Pregnancy doesn't seem so bad afterall." She licked some ice cream off the edge of her thumb. "Yeah, but to be fair, I broke Andy's brain, too. He was all in La-La Shock Land for a few days. It's a male thing, see. They have a chemical imbalance. James did the same when Harri told him she was pregnant. So, your footballer is totally against it? He said no straight out? Maybe his twin can talk to him...?" Her eyes had narrowed a little as her mind went onto a train of thought. Someone needed to talk to the bloke...

Izzy laughed as she tucked her dark hair behind her ear. Truth was she kind of felt like a cigarette, but the moment she thought about putting one into her mouth she felt sick. Nicotine wasn't so appetising right now. "Five? I'm so jealous. I didn't get to see Cameron until Wednesday. My fucking car broke down Tuesday, or whenever it was. It was like Fate was just stepping in and telling me to let him have some down time to get his brain back together. Pretty sure it was a no. He can't see how it would work with the distance. Doesn't think it would be fair on any kid. Maybe the trick is to already be knocked up when you tell them? I don't know about Pat. Cameron doesn't really want to talk to him about it since he feels guilty for not knowing if he wants kids, when Pat's always wanted them and he can't have them."

Ali pulled her lips to the side and sunk further down into the seat, she tucked her fingers into the waist band of her pyjama pants and scratched at her stomach near her hip. "He does kinda have a point with that, I guess. But still, people do the distance thing all the time, even with kids. Plus, there are a whole range of emotions at play, which makes it tricky. He's probably still all mind-fucked from not knowing if he's going to be able to play again and being all disabled on the crutches. When Andy had a broken leg, he struggled after being isolated for so long. But you deal, you know? Whatever gets flung at you, you deal. It's gotta be the same when you choose to have it flung at you, right? Not that I can talk much about that. In saying that, I did say yes to Andy when I never thought I would ever get fucking married after the shit with Mark. It scares the knackers off me, but I still want it. More than anything. Maybe he just needs to stop and actually think if he does want kids or not. If he hasn't ever thought about it, how can he be making an informed choice?"

Iz shrugged, stifling a yawn. Sleeping lately had been something she was not getting quite right. "I'm sure he thinks he is, and with guys, that's the important part. James just said I should let him think. I sprung it on him, and now he's freaking out, and he just needs time. He still missed me, so that's something, right? I haven't fucked this one up yet... Cameron asked me if I would still want kids if I wasn't dating him."

"Yeah, but look. If it's the real deal, he's not just going to run screaming into the night because you lay this on him. Not that he can run, but you know what I mean. Not that I have actually met him beyond a quickie type deal at that wedding way before you were dating him, but I do know Pat. I can't imagine someone that is literally a whole half of Pat being such a bastard that he would just piss off over something like this. Pat's a natural with kids. I don't know whether it's because it's a nurse, but he is wonderful with them. They're identical twins... some of that has to rub off, right? How really would he have gone if you told him you were already pregnant? Trust, accidents happen in the most freakish fucking freak ways. He would have freaked out, like Andy, panicked maybe, gone to Yodalan who would probably be the best person for him to talk to on account of the fact he is a thriving Daddy, and I need a minute, because I'm gonna puke again--" She was off the sofa in a flash and in the bathroom down the hall like an expert, spoon still in hand.

It was only a few minutes before she was back again, rubbing a wet cloth over her face and the spoon now in the pocket of her pyjama top. She sat back down next to Izzy, picking right back up in the conversation where she left off, the cloth lying over her hot face. She held her hand up in the air. "You know, when you think you've got your life right in order, sometimes things just happen that change it all in the blink of an eye. Like Sunshine. She was there before I knew it and threw my life upside down, but now, I wouldn't change any of it for anything. She's my baby girl and even though the lead up and even after she was born was hard and painful, and I wasn't even sure I wanted to keep going for a time there, you just do. You deal. You keep going to bed every night, and getting up in the morning and just dealing with what you've got. Just like he had to with his leg, and is still trying to deal with." She pulled at her pyjama top, breaking out into a hot flush. "Being pregnant sucks, though. I just thought I would throw that in there. It's crap. Some chicks love it and thrive on it. I say they're mentally ill. You feel sick, and crap, and tired, and sore, and bloated, and hot then cold, and your boobs hurt, and you pee all the time, and you eat weird shit that you think tastes good and can't stand other food you used to love, and you faint in the shower, and smells make you puke, and you get indigestion and constipated, and you can't recognise your own mood, let alone trying to hope everyone else knows how you're feeling. But it's worth it. Never thought I would hear myself say that, but..." she lifted her pyjama top and looked down at her flat stomach, rubbing her fingers softly across it, "but it's just worth it when they finally come out and all their little fingers and toes are in place, and they're wrapped up in a tiny little warm bundle that fits in your arms, and without the excruciating thirty-six hour labour, you would wonder how the fuck you managed to make something so amazing whose little hand isn't even the length of your pinkie finger."

While Ali had been in the toilet, Izzy had continued eating ice cream, but switched flavours. Only the chocolate whatever it was didn't sit as well on her stomach as the caramel had. She felt queasy, and wasn't sure if it was because she knew Ali was currently puking or not. When Ali came back, Izzy listened to every word, but her hands that had been previously occupied with ice cream, were now cradling her stomach as her fingers rubbed at it idly. She scrunched her nose up as Ali described all the downsides to pregnancy before she just smiled. "I know... and I know it's going to suck, but I still don't want to miss out on it. And Cameron isn't a bastard, I'm just a bitch who blurts out random shit. It was the same with James, but it came out as slaps. I couldn't tell him I loved him, so I slapped him. It's fucked. My head is officially fucked. I should just quit while I'm ahead." Iz made a face, the chocolate still a strong taste on her tongue. "Ugh... is that ice cream stronger than usual, or something?"

"You can't slap the father of your baby," Ali reasoned. "You'll need him for a lot of other tasks." She was still pulling at her pyjama top, now feeling sweaty and irritable. She was about two steps from stripping down to her undies when she froze, he hand on her stomach stilling. She looked between herself and Izzy, and then back again. It was all of two seconds before she squeaked and shot out of her seat, pointing anxiously at Izzy. Her other hand was slapped over her mouth with a gasp, her brown eyes wide as she stared at Izzy.

Izzy's green eyes stared questioningly at Ali, suddenly confused about why her friend was point at her. "What? Do I have ice cream all over my face? Al, what is it?!"

Ali started to take her hand away, pinching her lips with her fingers. "You're pregnant," she whispered with a nod for emphasis. She gestured to Izzy's hand. "You are. I just know. I can see it. You feel it. You do, but you haven't realised you have because you don't know how it feels, just like me with Sunshine."

Izzy's mouth dropped as she tried to find a reason to deny it. "No. No, no, no... because it's just indigestion. It was the ice cream! I can't be pregnant because of ice cream!" Iz looked down at her hands on her stomach and snapped them away. "It's just indigestion! Rubbing soothes the stomach. This isn't like you with Sunshine..."

Ali shook her head, biting down on her lip. "No, it's not the ice cream. Not that low down," she said knowingly. "And there are other things, too, aren't there? Just a blah feeling like you don't even want to get dressed, let alone anything else. Except sex, which you don't need to be dressed for anyway."

Izzy bit down on the tip of her index finger, looking at Ali like she still wanted to try and deny it. This was insane. This was crazy talk. "Fuck."

"That's apparently what causes it, yes," Ali murmured. She scraped her fingers through her hair, eyes still wide. "Are you okay? Want to take a test? I have three left."

Izzy shook her head emphatically. "But I can't be! My period was only... oh, shit. Oh, fuck! Oh my god, Cameron's going to kill me! Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh fucking asshole bastard Christ!" She covered her mouth with her hand, not sure if she wanted to throw up, or not just from the shock. "How many did you get?"

Ali grabbed Izzy's hand and dragged her up the hall to the bathroom. "Try to freak out quietly, okay? You'll thank me for it later. Not because Andrew's asleep, but because freaking out takes a lot of effort. I might have maybe bought eight. I took five. Then I figured it was probably just overkill, especially when five different brands gave me the same answer, just in different ways. And if you're pregnant, you were pregnant before you told him, you realise that, right?"

Izzy nodded, but the word that came out of her mouth was 'no'. She pushed her fingers through her long hair, and tried to work out when the day had melted into confusion. She couldn't even think straight. "What if I can't pee? I haven't even had much to drink..."

They got to the bathroom and Ali pushed Izzy down gently to sit on the side of the bath. These days, Ali was just raging hormones and maternal instinct. If the old Ali could have an out of body experience and float above to watch the scene from afar, she would probably laugh her arse off and then cry in horror at what she had become. The new Ali just dealt with things because she had no choice but to survive in the face of everything. She went to the vanity and dug out the three remaining pregnancy tests, all different brands, and then filled the glass of water on the sink right to the brim. She set the tests in Izzy's lap and then handed her the water, sitting down beside her. "Then we wait. There might be a fight for the toilet anyway." She let out a slow breath and folded her arms around her stomach, leaning forward. "You'll drive yourself crazy wondering how it happened. Andy and I were careful. I was on the pill. Just one of those things. But when I think about it, there was no sex in Australia. As corny as it sounds, every single time, it was lovemaking. Deep mind, body and soul stuff. And then the night he proposed... best sex of my life, I swear. Maybe the sperm just swum extra hard, you know? And I know this is scary. Boy do I fucking know how scary it is, but when you're not on your own, it's not so bad. So, I'll just sit here with you, okay? It'll be fine." She took Izzy's other hand and squeezed it.

Izzy nodded, still not sure she was really experiencing any of this. It felt like her brain had actually left her a little while back, and now it was just her trying to react like she still had it. Nothing felt real. She didn't even know how she was supposed to tell Cameron any of this. Especially if a test showed up positive. She couldn't be pregnant could she? Another wave of nausea hit, and Iz let out a shuddering breath before she skulled the water, and waited to feel like she needed to pee. She looked at Ali, and gave her friend a weak smile. "Don't know what I'd do without you, Al. I'm still sorry I fucked off. I was just weak."

Ali shooked her head with a small smile. "Don't worry. My inner bitch is extremely smug right now that you're going to experience what I am and understand exactly how I feel, and felt. It's not something you can really get until you experience it. You might love being pregnant. I just feel like a road smash for some reason. I probably just got the short end of the hormone stick. It's fucking scary, but I don't know... you want to be a Mum. It can't be that bad, can it?"

"What if he thinks I did it on purpose to trap him? Or just thinks I'm trying to fuck him over, or decides he doesn't want kids?" Izzy was finding it hard to look on the bright side of anything, but on the plus side she started to feel like she might need to pee soon. "Yeah, I did, but I thought maybe stupidly I'd have time to think about this..."

Ali pressed her lips together. "What, like Mark?" she couldn't help murmuring, shoving her hands in between her knees and hunching forward. Time had passed, sure, but the memory of being alone and isolated still hurt. "You just deal. Or you get a termination. There's not really any grey area. I haven't met him. I couldn't even begin to judge how he's going to react."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean--just don't listen to me, okay? I'm full of shit. I'm just... fuck." Izzy leaned forward, her head between her knees as she worked out if she was going to throw up, cry, or just forget how to breathe. "I think I can pee now. I just have to move."

"I'm just sensitive. Ignore me. I cry over the toilet paper ad." Ali shifted away to go and stand by the door. She and Izzy were best friends. They'd peed in front of each other before. It wasn't like either of them were exactly prudes. "Just... I don't know, feel good that if you are, the kids weren't a product of a one night stand. That it was a meaningful thing. If he walks out, fuck him. He's not worth it."

Iz looked at Ali, the fact that she was here actually making her more relaxed and willing to pee. "Do you not think Jamie was the product of something meaningful? I know you and Mark had your issues, but you did love him at some stage. Maybe even still loved him when things were weird. He didn't stick around, so I agree... fuck him. But he's Jamie's biological dad. When she grows up, you're going to get questions. Especially if she knows him because he's James' brother." Izzy finished, making sure to wash her hands after she set the stick down on some toilet paper on the edge of the sink. "Three minutes, or something, right? I didn't even read the instructions."

"I didn't love him then. I just needed to get laid. I wish I could say it was meaningful, but it was just really hot sex. But even now when I think back on it, it's got fucking nothing on how hot Andrew shags me. It really does feel a million times better when you love someone this much. I love her more than the whole universe, though, more than life itself. As fucked up as it sounds, I wish she was Andrew's. I know the questions will come, and Andrew and I have decided together that we're going to be honest with her from the start. Andrew's her Dad, though. Mark was just sperm. And fuck it, I still need to talk to him without reefing him a new one." Ali rubbed her head tiredly. She nodded. "Three minutes. I'm an expert. I've had six positive pregnancy tests in my life now. Not everyone can say that."

Izzy gave Ali a hug, rubbing the other woman's back. "It's not fucked up, it's actually sweet in a demented way," she teased lightly. "Seriously though, I can understand your thinking. And I know you can't help tearing Mark a new one. He just opens himself up to it with you. Sooner, or later though, you're going to have to deal with him again. Maybe this way all the emotion will get out of the way and then you can talk to him?"

Ali nodded and looked down at her feet. "I don't wish him any pain anymore. I'm sure we can exist together for Jimbo's sake. Mark just needs to realise I'm marrying Andrew and I'm raising Sunshine with him. Mark wanted to just come back and decide to be part of her life, but she's aware of everything now. She knows who we are, she knows who loves her, she knows who cuddles her when she isn't feeling well, and it's not Mark. It's never been Mark. Do you think I'm a bitch for keeping him from his daughter? If he wanted to be her father, he should have been there from day one, no matter what. I know it hurt when we thought Jim was dead. It was the worst hurt ever. But she was his baby. She should have come first over his own emotions, no matter what."

"No, I don't think you're a bitch. I think you're smart because you know who will protect your baby, and who will love her. You know what's good for her, and that's what a good mother does. Mark's just going to have to deal with it. I'm just glad you let me back in... I know I'm not Jamie's father for obvious reasons, or anything like that, but I'm still glad you let me back in, and you're letting me get to know Jamie. She's a beautiful girl, and she deserves the world. I think Andy can give it to her. Both of you." Izzy kissed Ali's forehead and rest her own against hers for a moment as she took a deep breath, and tried to stem the flow of tears she could feel forming. "And I couldn't do this without you."

She pulled away to go to the sink, ready to face the music. Her stomach was flip-flopping like crazy, and Izzy wondered if she was going to make it without throwing up. Now that there was a possibility of her being pregnant it felt like a back log of morning sickness was about to make itself known. She closed her eyes as she picked up the stick, and took a deep breath as she counted in her head to three. After three she'd look... No matter what, it would be fine. At least that's what she was telling herself. It was telling Cameron that was freaking her out the most.

She reached five, and finally looked. A little blue plus sign greeted her. "Oh my god," she breathed out. "Fuck... I'm pregnant."

Words: 4261 | All muses referred to with permission and come from the princeton2nyc