2.2. "We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance."
- Harrison Ford
Co-written with
agentsullivan | Follows all
HERE and happens simultaneous to
THIS It was nearly one o'clock in the morning, but that was hardly an issue. Ali had nearly fallen over her own feet when she opened the door and found Izzy standing there with a large tub of Ben & Jerry's and a bag of assorted junk food at around ten pm that night. Of course, her first reaction had been to freak out that something was wrong, but Izzy halted the panic by assuring Ali she was fine and just here because she needed to see her. It didn't really dilute Ali's worries because she could sense something was up, in some way. Andrew had still been up at that point, so the three of them chatted about insignificant things like the weather in England and Swine Flu before Andrew finally admitted he was exhausted and had to go to bed at just before midnight. He retired with apologies for having no stamina, but it was obvious he knew Ali and Izzy had a lot of catching up to do.
An hour later, neither had really broached anything by the way of catching up just yet. Ali nursed a sleeping Jamie in her arms, who had woken a little while before in another miserable bout of sobbing. That did kind of put a roadblock up on any deep talking until the baby finally fell asleep snuggled in her Mummy's arms. Ali glanced from the TV to Izzy and then repeated the process again. "Want to explain to me why you've become a remote Nazi and want to leave it on sport? You hate sport," she said, watching Izzy closely. "Or how about we tackle the reason why you were here at ten pm on a Sunday night, out of the blue, after we haven't seen each other since Sunshine was born... Are you okay?"
Izzy pressed her lips together as she looked away when she was certain they weren't about to show Cameron. "My kismet lay's a football player. We had an emo bonding moment Thursday night when I got in to New York... I wanted to come and see you then, but I couldn't, I chickened out. Being back here... all I could think about was Campbell, and how much I wanted him back, and how broken I still felt. We met in this bar. He'd had a fight with his twin." She scratched at her nose and pointed at the TV when they were running through player stats and showed a picture of Cameron Preston. "That's him."
"Kismet lay... does that make him more or less of a one night stand?" Ali asked, tilting her head as she looked at the screen. At the mention of James, Ali cleared her throat and chewed on her lower lip. Her eyes followed the player stats on the screen, including weight and height to ball ratio or whatever the fuck it all meant. She whistled softly, eyebrows raised. "Very, very nice. Wow. You fucked him? And he has a twin out there? I am not thinking dirty thoughts. I'm supposed to be a mother."
"Yeah, well, he was supposed to be. But then we spent the night together, and the morning. And the day. Then he had some wedding to go to yesterday, so we didn't see each other until after. Then we slept together again... and talked this morning. For a one night stand, we seemed to be good at stretching a night into a few then engaging in deep and meaningfuls." Iz shrugged. "He made it feel better, you know? And I needed him after I came here yesterday. You were out, and I let myself in. Funny how you never mentioned the dead man you use as a babysitter. You were genuinely never going to tell me James was alive?"
Ali paled and her arms reflexively tightened around her daughter. She tore her eyes away from the screen to look at Izzy, speechless at first. It wasn't that she forgot Izzy had a key, she just never expected her friend to show up out of the blue after five months, let alone on the off chance James was there. "It wasn't for me to tell, and I was mad at you for leaving me," she admitted hoarsely. "It wasn't for me to tell and you can't blame me for this! It's not like you and I talk much these days," she said, tearing up already before the conversation had even gotten started.
Izzy shifted so she could slide an arm around Ali's still slender frame and looked at her best friend. "I know, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I sucked as a friend when you really needed me, but James' death broke me. He was supposed to be the love of my life. I didn't know what to do without him. Old habits kicked in, and I really am sorry. I know I'll never make it up to you, but I wanted to come back to try. I hated myself for months, but it's like when you get hooked on chocolate and just keep eating and eating it. You know it's wrong and making you ill, but you still do it." She pressed a tender kiss to Ali's temple before she looked down at Jamie. "And I wanted to get to know my goddaughter and be here for both of you. I just didn't count on Campbell's being here, or the whole, you know, he's not really dead thing. It was a shock to say the least. I didn't deal with it well, though apparently I dealt with it a lot less gun-pointed than you. We talked again after I dropped Cameron off at the airport."
The tears still spilt over but Ali brushed them away with her free hand. "It's never too late, you know. Nothing ever happens how it's supposed to and bad things happen to good people. I'm sorry I'm crying right now. It might not stop for hours, just to warn you. I've made it a pain in the arse habit, but at least I'm not holed up on the bathroom floor in my underwear. I didn't count on the fucker showing up again, either. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to hurt him. I didn't want him coming near her in case he hurt her and I would've shot him. Weird, huh? I give birth to a screaming flesh football and she comes delivered with first class maternal instinct. And his fucking eyes with those contacts freaked me out. It was like he was there, but he wasn't, and my brain was already stuffed. I haven't pulled my gun in years, the fucking bastard."
She took a few small breaths, sniffling to try and prevent her nose dripping all over the place, but the tears just started to fall again ten fold. "I'm so glad you're here," she sobbed. "You've got no idea how much I missed you! I didn't know what to do when I lost you both and then all of a sudden, Sunshine was here and I had to somehow get my head out of my arse because she needed me for everything." She wiped at her face again. "You... huh? You spoke to him again? What happened?"
Izzy smiled as she watched Ali's tears increase. She couldn't help it. Her ballbreaker best friend was now a sobbing mess. It was such a contrast. She wiped away Ali's tears and kept her arm around her in a protective hug. "I hate those contacts, too. And the stupid fucking British accent. And what is with the hair? I swear he's had better undercover looks. He still smells like Campbell. Still feels like him, too." Iz glanced at the screen, and the game seemed to be coming back from half-time. Or maybe it was entering it. She had no clue. It was her first football match. "I've missed you too, Ali. More than you realise. I'm sorry it took me so long, but I am here now. James said he needed me, too. He's wanted me by his side for a year, and yeah... We kissed. It was pretty fucking good, but it's not what we're supposed to be. We're not supposed to be romantically linked. He was right. Besides, he's got his pregnant girlfriend." This time she managed not to look shattered as she thought about 'the other woman'.
"He still loves you," Ali told her. "He's just locked so much away so he can do this job. He's tried to cut it all off with no resolution and he's probably just as confused as all this as you are. The baby was unexpected and I haven't been able to read either way how he feels about it all because he's got these constant barriers constructed around him all the time. But James is still in there somewhere. He just needs to find it again, even if we can only have him in private. You two belong together, even if it's not as lovers. You just do." She squeezed Izzy's hand firmly, trying to convey the message where words weren't enough.
"And just a note? Your kismet lay looks really hot in football shorts. That's a very fine arse. Where did you say the twin was again?" she asked curiously.
"I know... and he even broke down as we talked. I still love him, but I can't be in love with him. It hurts too damn much. Campbell was the one I was going to stay for, then he left me. Guess I deserved it." She squeezed Ali's hand back, but watched the screen. Thinking about James was making her exhausted again, even if that hole in her chest was starting to lesson. "I know, doesn't he? It's worth watching this sport just for him and those shorts. Plus he looks even hotter when he's all determined like that. It's an even better ass in person. His twin is in Princeton, I think."
Ali shook her head. "You didn't deserve it. No one did. I think it's just a price we paid for having James attached to us. He was always obscure in his job. Always had a different way of doing things and thinking. Now that the dust has settled, it really doesn't surprise me that the SS recruited him. It's different having him back. Like I said, he's so... closed. I can't think of a better word. Maybe he'll open up again now that you're here. I do know that these past few weeks since he found out about the kid, he's been screwed up. He's been homesick and contemplating throwing the job in. You need to help me try to convince him not to do that. You two were always better without sex complicating things, anyway. I know you were hot with the sex, but you were better without it. You always just got him, no matter how much of a prick he was being."
She waved her hand in the direction of the screen. "I can't believe you were just fucking him this morning. Was he good? What was it like fucking a superstar? Those stats indicate he's one of their best players." She looked at Izzy analytically. "You want to see him again? Start something with him?"
"A very selfish part of me wants him to throw the job in. He's had to sacrifice so much, and for what? I understand he wants to get some justice for David, but surely that doesn't mean sacrificing so much of himself? If David had really loved him so much, he would want James to be happy. Not obsessive. And certainly not losing track of who the fuck he is."
Izzy scratched at her forehead, and tried not to smile. "He was fucking awesome. I wasn't even thinking about him being a superstar the first night, and by the time I knew, I didn't care. I made the mistake of saying he played for Man U, but clearly he's Liverpool." Her gaze managed to look away long enough to meet Ali's before it was glued right back to try and follow Cameron on the field. "He's there, I'm here. He's effectively there for the rest of the season. I can't start anything."
"David would probably have killed him if he knew what he was doing," Ali admitted. "He wanted James safe. I can't see how this is safe. He flits off to any and all countries at the drop of a hat and doesn't look healthy. But that's probably a lot of the external stress and fucking himself over than the actual job. You think he should quit and just go back to the FBI? He'd probably get castrated if anyone at HQ found out his death was faked. I just worry about him. I keep waiting for a call from the hospital telling me he's in another coma, and just hope it isn't a hospital in Zimbabwe or something."
She shifted Jamie carefully in her arms and tucked the fluffy pink blanket around her snugly. She was still covered in spots and looked terrible. Ali's heart broke every time she had to try and change a nappy, leaving the baby screaming because the spots hurt so much. Bloody chicken pox. "But he was here, and if his twin is in Princeton, he probably comes here often. And you can go there. Nothing's impossible."
"I don't know... Maybe he should just do something completely different. He won't let himself be happy, and I can't see the point in living a life like that. Even at it's worse, when we were the Bureau, we had lives. James was apparently stressing over the SS the whole time, though. It's why he kept trying to push me away, even then." Iz frowned as she considered the hospital thing. "I wouldn't have ever known if I didn't come back. He could have died... again, and I wouldn't have known."
Isabel leaned forward a little as Cameron started to run with the ball. "There was an extended family wedding. Pat was playing wedding planner for friends of theirs. Cameron had come back for his brother, but like I said, they'd had a huge fight. He hadn't patched things up when he left, so who knows if he'll come back. Who knows if he even--holy shit, did you see that?" Isabel was sure she'd hallucinated the trip and fall, but there was no doubting the way the camera seemed to stay on Preston. Or the way he didn't seem to be moving. "Cameron! Fuck, no. No, no, no, no."
"Would he even be happy not investigating crimes, though? He's good at what he does. He's a fantastic Agent. But you're right. I wish he could just go back to the Bureau and be done with it. This SS stuff is intense. I've seen him as about eight different people since he came back, and each one is as different as the next. I don't know how he does it. You know he got shot at Christmas? Just in the arm, but bloody hell. He's just lost that shine in his eyes now, that healthy glow in his cheeks. None of it is there anymore," Ali said, shaking her head.
She looked back at the screen just in time to catch the tackle. It couldn't be called a tackle, though. "That fucking bloke tripped him! He tripped him! The goddamn bastard!" she cried, and then quickly hushed her voice so she wouldn't wake Andrew or Jamie. "Oh... shit... Iz, he's not moving. Iz, they're bringing an ambulance..." Her eyes were glued to the screen. She didn't know the guy, but she kind of felt like she knew him a little. Actually, he looked familiar, she just couldn't place where.
Iz was nodding idly at everything Ali was saying about Campbell, but the truth was it was only vaguely sticking without in her brain. She was too stunned by what was unfolding on the screen to formulate a reply, let alone retain the information. "I know... Shit. What do I do?"
Ali watched, wide-eyed, and shook her head. "I don't know! What do you do? Do you have his number? I mean... no, that wouldn't work. If he's hurt, he won't be answering any phones. What about his brother? Do you have a number for his brother? Maybe you could call the team? But if he's a star, they might just think you're a rabid fangirl." She knew she wasn't helping, but how could she really help? This game was in England, they were in New York. "Iz, he looks really hurt."
Iz ran her fingers through her dark hair and stood up to start pacing. She wanted to go to him, but it was England. Not that she was a stranger to the country, but she wouldn't even know where to go. And Ali was right, the team would just think she was some fangirl, and probably keep her well away, or get her arrested. "I don't have his brother's number. It's not like we were really that close... Unless I can find his brother through the hospital, maybe. If Pat's watching this, though, wouldn't he be more likely to go to his brother? They have this seriously strong twin bond and--I'm nothing. I'm some three night lay that was supposed to be a one night stand. Why would he even--they wouldn't believe me. His brother would be just as likely to think I'm some crazy stalker."
Ali put her hand up and chewed her nail in thought. The poor bugger was being carted off in an ambulance and Ali did know on some level how Izzy might be feeling. Just like when Andrew was hurt at work. "You might be the start of something. The twin's probably... Jesus, didn't you say they had a big fight? Can you imagine watching this knowing your brother is pissed off with you?" She shook her head and then looked up at Izzy. "James. Call James. He seriously has his fingers in countless pies around the world. I bet you he could pull something off. His whole new persona is supposed to be a rich Brit bastard. He'll get you into the hospital."
Iz turned to look at Ali, her green eyes searching her friend's face, before she gave a nod. "Okay. I'll call Campbell. Just... yeah. I can't--I just want to know Cameron will be okay. He has to be okay..."
"I get it," Ali murmured with a nod. "A few months ago, I maybe wouldn't have, but now? I get it. You have to go to him. Even if it's only been a couple of days, there was something there. I can hear it in your voice. Ironically, you need James to pull it off, but you have to go to him because I can tell you, Iz, a real proper, no holds barred relationship? There's nothing like it."
Iz already had the phone in her hand as she dropped back beside Ali and took her friend's hand in hers, needing the physical support. She was calling James for help with her kismet lay. This could get very, very awkward. If anyone was going to come through for her, it was Campbell, though. Even after everything. Especially after everything. The line connected and Iz sucked in a breath. "Hey, loser, I need your help..."
Words: 3236 | All muses referred to with permission from the
princeton2nyc universe