13.

[is_this_jolly]

THERE HAVE BEEN PICTURES WITH WRITING APPEARING AROUND THE TOWN, PROMOTING A TOURNAMENT. I CAN'T SAY I SEE THE POINT IN TOURNAMENTS, ALTHOUGH I DO ATTEND A LOT OF THEM. MY AREA OF EXPERTISE IS REALLY WHAT HAPPENS AFTER FIGHTING TAKES PLACE

Comments

[not_from_hell]

Of course you'd be interested in what happens after the tournament. Geez, you're so predictable.

[not_from_hell]

Who's Albert?

[is_this_jolly]

HE IS MY SERVANT. GENERALLY, HIS DUTIES ARE TO COOK BREAKFAST AND TO MAKE THE TEA. HE USED TO DO THE SHOPPING OCCASIONALLY, BUT TIMES HAVE CHANGED.

[not_from_hell]

Damn, a slave?

Death, you reall are a cruel master.

[is_this_jolly]

THERE IS PAYMENT, OF A SORT. HE DOES NOT AGE WHILE WORKING FOR ME. I WOULD ALLOW HIM TO LEAVE AT ANY TIME IF HE SO DESIRED, BUT IF HE GOES OUT INTO THE WORLD, HE WILL DIE IN EXACTLY FOUR SECONDS.

I WAS QUITE SURPRISED WHEN HE ARRIVED IN THE FIRST PLACE, TO TELL THE TRUTH.

[not_from_hell]

Four seconds. Y'know, that's a good offer.

Do ya hand out coupons to the mere mortals? Maybe the kind that allows them an extra minute of living if they present it to you right before biting it.

[is_this_jolly]

OH, WHEN I FIRST MET HIM IT WAS STILL SEVERAL YEARS. WHEN HE LAST VENTURED INTO ANKH-MORPORK, HE HAD APPROXIMATELY A WEEK. AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT HAPPENED AFTER THAT. HE COPES WITH THE WHOLE AFFAIR QUITE WELL, I MUST SAY. VERY DILIGENT. HIS MAIN COMPLAINT IS THE PLUMBING.

I PLAY BY THE RULES. I HOPE THAT NOBODY WILL ASSUME OTHERWISE. I ALWAYS ALLOW FOR A FINAL GAME... UNLESS IT'S CHESS. CAN'T ABIDE CHESS.

[not_from_hell]

What's wrong with chess?

[is_this_jolly]

THE LITTLE HORSEY ONES ALWAYS CONFUSE ME.

[not_from_hell]

Ya move it in a 'L' shape. Sheesh, even I know that one.

[is_this_jolly]

YES, I KNOW THAT. BUT I CAN NEVER REMEMBER WHETHER IT GOES ONE SPACE OR TWO SPACES FORWARD FIRST.

[not_from_hell]

Two spaces, then one to either direction.

[is_this_jolly]

I STILL PREFER POKER. IT'S QUICKER. EVEN THUD WOULD BE AN IMPROVEMENT.

[not_from_hell]

Didn't say I was a chess fan. I prefer poker, too.

[is_this_jolly]

I THOUGHT THAT MIGHT BE THE CASE.

I PREFER IT WHEN PEOPLE DON'T ASK FOR GAMES AT ALL, YOU KNOW. IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO UNNECESSARILY COMPLICATED. BESIDES, IT'S MAINLY WITCHES WHO TRY IT, AND WITCHES DON'T TAKE LOSING LIGHTLY.