Crackfic: The Uses and Abuses of Five-Dimensional Mechanics (Ten/Romana I, NC-17, CiN spoilers)
Title: The Uses and Abuses of Five-dimensional Mechanics
Author: ionlylurkhere
Pairing: Ten/Romana I, tiny bit of implied Ten/Donna
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: A smidge kinky, because, dude, look at them!
Summary: A paradox in the heart of the TARDIS is a terrible thing. It would be absolutely unthinkable to cause one on purpose.
Word count: 1100
Notes: Sort of spoilery for Time Crash, or at least the technobabble from it. Entirely inspired by this here post of nostalgia_lj's, because as I think we know by now my subconscious is highly suggestible. Unbetaed crack!pr0n, you have been warned.
Such a big, shiny button, the Doctor's subconscious whispered. Almost begging to be pressed.
The Doctor's subconscious sudden eagerness on the subject could probably be attributed to the fact that it was tied to the TARDIS's inner workings at levels far deeper than the evanescent of thought or mere biology, and so knew that at this precise moment the interphase frequency of the TARDIS's engine was in resonance with a point on its own timestream about 400 years ago. To be more precise, a point on its timestream time he'd been a long-scarfed, boggle-eyed, curly-haired lunatic in search of the Key to Time.
Of course, TARDIS engines were not so much things as multi-faceted five-dimensional events, with subtle connections to the Vortex and non-linear powers beyond the full understanding of any Time Lord, let alone one who barely scraped through his doctorate at the second attempt. Not the sort of thing to trifle with at all.
The Doctor pressed the button.
And on the other side of the console, a vision of austere beauty with brunette hair and floaty white clothes shimmered into being.
Romana walked over to the screen, flicked some switches and gave a brief, grumpy frown at the information displayed. "There are two time zones at war in the heart of the TARDIS," she observed offhandedly.
The Doctor smiled quite possibly the widest smile he'd ever smiled, which given this incarnation's tendency to mood swings was saying something. "Hello, Romana."
"In six minutes," Romana went on, ignoring him, "there'll be a hole in the space-time continuum the exact size of Venezuela." It turned out that the size of the hole scaled non-linearly with the time difference between the two periods in question.
"Well, there's plenty we can do in six minutes," said the Doctor, hand in the back of his hair.
Romana smiled, a tiny thin smile in her case, but one accompanied by a huge sparkle in her eyes. "On your knees," she said, softly but ever so insistently.
The Doctor complied instantly, wrapping his hands behind his back instinctively and gazing up at her adoringly. Romana lifted her voluminous skirts and without needing further instruction he began to lick through her already moistening knickers.
"Faster!" she commanded. The Doctor increased his pace, not losing even the slightest bit of rhythm as her foot started making firm strokes along his cock through his trousers. Already stiffening with his arousal at being dominated, it quickly reached full hardness.
Just as Romana's breathing started to come in shallow gasps, she pulled herself away slightly and snarled "Get up".
The Doctor clambered back to his feet. Romana turned back to the console. "There's only one minute left," she pointed out. She started manipulating the console. "Thermal buffers ready, Zeiton crystals on overcharge setting ... Doctor, you'll have to deal with the helmic regulator."
"Okey-dokey!" He stood behind her and reached over to grab it in readiness.
"Mmm," said Romana, presumably in response to his erection prodding her from behind. In a single movement of dizzying complexity, she unzipped his trousers, pushed up her own skirts, slid aside the cloth of knickers and pulled him deep into her hot, wet cunt.
The Doctor made an inarticulate gurgling noise. "Forty five seconds left," Romana read out. "Fuck me hard."
The Doctor complied, plunging in and out of her with abandon, pressure quickly building in his cock. Romana counted down, five seconds at a time, the Doctor's speed increasing each time.
"Ten," said Romana. She thumbed the switch to vent the thermal buffers as tiny beads of perspiration started to roll down her neck.
The Doctor took his hands off Romana's hips to grip the helmic regulator. He pumped it back and forth in exactly the same frantic rhythm as his hips bucking back and forth as he grew closer and closer to orgasm.
"Five. ... Four. ... Three. ... Two. ... One." The pauses between the numbers were filled with ever more ragged breaths. "Zero!" she screamed out, as her muscles squeezed hard on the spasming cock exploding inside her and her right hand crashed down hard on the Zeiton control.
And at the exact same instant as the paradox burst forth from the TARDIS's engines to form a black hole, the energies released by their manipulations caused a conveniently selected star to turn supernova. Implosion and explosion, perfectly balanced. In and out, leading to a moment of perfect calm and stillness.
They pulled apart, quickly readjusting their clothes.
"You really should stop doing this, Doctor. What's this, the third time now?"
"But ..."
"One day we might not pull off the maneouvre in time. Which would be a rather self-indulgent way to cause the end of the universe. And every time this happens the locator loses the track of whichever segment of the Key it was locked on to. Your earlier self is getting quite irritated, and I can't keep blaming K9."
"Ah, I remember that!" said the Doctor, slightly wistfully. "All makes sense now!"
"Besides, I'm sure you can make up whatever row you've had with my future self with sufficient abject begging, can't you? Even if I've regenerated, I doubt I've changed that much." And as she winked at him, she disappeared.
"Oh, Romana ..." the Doctor said to the suddenly empty air where she'd been, a single tear forming in the corner of his eye.
He wiped it away as the inner door of the console room arched apart and Donna came in. She was wearing her pink pyjamas and fluffy slippers and her hair was, frankly, even more all over the place than the Doctor's post-coital mess. "What the hell was all that about?" she demanded.
"Oh, just one of those little glitches that happens with the engines sometimes," the Doctor said. "The TARDIS is a little bit past its prime, that's all." The lights dimmed momentarily, but he ignored her reproach. "Nothing to worry about."
"Nothing to worry about? Nothing to worry about?! I fell out of bed! Twice!"
The Doctor looked longingly after her as she stumbled blearily back to her room. She was so wonderfully domineering at times. If only he could make her realise she could be that way in bed as well and he wouldn't mind at all, would positively enjoy it.
Then again, maybe he could. And maybe if he could, he could stop doing insanely dangerous things with the timelines to satisfy his urges. Romana was probably right about the risks. Oh, hell, Romana was always right. That had been both the attraction and the problem, all the way along.
He pushed the big, shiny button to restore the shields and headed after his new companion.
Author: ionlylurkhere
Pairing: Ten/Romana I, tiny bit of implied Ten/Donna
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: A smidge kinky, because, dude, look at them!
Summary: A paradox in the heart of the TARDIS is a terrible thing. It would be absolutely unthinkable to cause one on purpose.
Word count: 1100
Notes: Sort of spoilery for Time Crash, or at least the technobabble from it. Entirely inspired by this here post of nostalgia_lj's, because as I think we know by now my subconscious is highly suggestible. Unbetaed crack!pr0n, you have been warned.
Such a big, shiny button, the Doctor's subconscious whispered. Almost begging to be pressed.
The Doctor's subconscious sudden eagerness on the subject could probably be attributed to the fact that it was tied to the TARDIS's inner workings at levels far deeper than the evanescent of thought or mere biology, and so knew that at this precise moment the interphase frequency of the TARDIS's engine was in resonance with a point on its own timestream about 400 years ago. To be more precise, a point on its timestream time he'd been a long-scarfed, boggle-eyed, curly-haired lunatic in search of the Key to Time.
Of course, TARDIS engines were not so much things as multi-faceted five-dimensional events, with subtle connections to the Vortex and non-linear powers beyond the full understanding of any Time Lord, let alone one who barely scraped through his doctorate at the second attempt. Not the sort of thing to trifle with at all.
The Doctor pressed the button.
And on the other side of the console, a vision of austere beauty with brunette hair and floaty white clothes shimmered into being.
Romana walked over to the screen, flicked some switches and gave a brief, grumpy frown at the information displayed. "There are two time zones at war in the heart of the TARDIS," she observed offhandedly.
The Doctor smiled quite possibly the widest smile he'd ever smiled, which given this incarnation's tendency to mood swings was saying something. "Hello, Romana."
"In six minutes," Romana went on, ignoring him, "there'll be a hole in the space-time continuum the exact size of Venezuela." It turned out that the size of the hole scaled non-linearly with the time difference between the two periods in question.
"Well, there's plenty we can do in six minutes," said the Doctor, hand in the back of his hair.
Romana smiled, a tiny thin smile in her case, but one accompanied by a huge sparkle in her eyes. "On your knees," she said, softly but ever so insistently.
The Doctor complied instantly, wrapping his hands behind his back instinctively and gazing up at her adoringly. Romana lifted her voluminous skirts and without needing further instruction he began to lick through her already moistening knickers.
"Faster!" she commanded. The Doctor increased his pace, not losing even the slightest bit of rhythm as her foot started making firm strokes along his cock through his trousers. Already stiffening with his arousal at being dominated, it quickly reached full hardness.
Just as Romana's breathing started to come in shallow gasps, she pulled herself away slightly and snarled "Get up".
The Doctor clambered back to his feet. Romana turned back to the console. "There's only one minute left," she pointed out. She started manipulating the console. "Thermal buffers ready, Zeiton crystals on overcharge setting ... Doctor, you'll have to deal with the helmic regulator."
"Okey-dokey!" He stood behind her and reached over to grab it in readiness.
"Mmm," said Romana, presumably in response to his erection prodding her from behind. In a single movement of dizzying complexity, she unzipped his trousers, pushed up her own skirts, slid aside the cloth of knickers and pulled him deep into her hot, wet cunt.
The Doctor made an inarticulate gurgling noise. "Forty five seconds left," Romana read out. "Fuck me hard."
The Doctor complied, plunging in and out of her with abandon, pressure quickly building in his cock. Romana counted down, five seconds at a time, the Doctor's speed increasing each time.
"Ten," said Romana. She thumbed the switch to vent the thermal buffers as tiny beads of perspiration started to roll down her neck.
The Doctor took his hands off Romana's hips to grip the helmic regulator. He pumped it back and forth in exactly the same frantic rhythm as his hips bucking back and forth as he grew closer and closer to orgasm.
"Five. ... Four. ... Three. ... Two. ... One." The pauses between the numbers were filled with ever more ragged breaths. "Zero!" she screamed out, as her muscles squeezed hard on the spasming cock exploding inside her and her right hand crashed down hard on the Zeiton control.
And at the exact same instant as the paradox burst forth from the TARDIS's engines to form a black hole, the energies released by their manipulations caused a conveniently selected star to turn supernova. Implosion and explosion, perfectly balanced. In and out, leading to a moment of perfect calm and stillness.
They pulled apart, quickly readjusting their clothes.
"You really should stop doing this, Doctor. What's this, the third time now?"
"But ..."
"One day we might not pull off the maneouvre in time. Which would be a rather self-indulgent way to cause the end of the universe. And every time this happens the locator loses the track of whichever segment of the Key it was locked on to. Your earlier self is getting quite irritated, and I can't keep blaming K9."
"Ah, I remember that!" said the Doctor, slightly wistfully. "All makes sense now!"
"Besides, I'm sure you can make up whatever row you've had with my future self with sufficient abject begging, can't you? Even if I've regenerated, I doubt I've changed that much." And as she winked at him, she disappeared.
"Oh, Romana ..." the Doctor said to the suddenly empty air where she'd been, a single tear forming in the corner of his eye.
He wiped it away as the inner door of the console room arched apart and Donna came in. She was wearing her pink pyjamas and fluffy slippers and her hair was, frankly, even more all over the place than the Doctor's post-coital mess. "What the hell was all that about?" she demanded.
"Oh, just one of those little glitches that happens with the engines sometimes," the Doctor said. "The TARDIS is a little bit past its prime, that's all." The lights dimmed momentarily, but he ignored her reproach. "Nothing to worry about."
"Nothing to worry about? Nothing to worry about?! I fell out of bed! Twice!"
The Doctor looked longingly after her as she stumbled blearily back to her room. She was so wonderfully domineering at times. If only he could make her realise she could be that way in bed as well and he wouldn't mind at all, would positively enjoy it.
Then again, maybe he could. And maybe if he could, he could stop doing insanely dangerous things with the timelines to satisfy his urges. Romana was probably right about the risks. Oh, hell, Romana was always right. That had been both the attraction and the problem, all the way along.
He pushed the big, shiny button to restore the shields and headed after his new companion.