Fic: Quiet Reflections - Episode tag to To Kill a King - Merlin/Arthur pre-slash
Title: Quiet Reflections
Rating: PG
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur pre-slash
Spoilers: To Kill the King
Beta: Thanks to the wonderful drjenny88
Summary: Merlin goes to see Arthur after the events of To Kill the King.
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‘I shouldn’t have snapped,’ Arthur said, as soon as Merlin walked into his room. He was standing by his window, his arms crossed, staring broodingly out of it.
Merlin frowned, trying to think what Arthur could be talking about. After all, he generally snapped quite a lot. ‘Huh?’
‘When the guards brought those men in,’ clarified Arthur. ‘The ones who sheltered Tauren. I shouldn’t have snapped.’ He was wearing his long, brown coat, which always caused Merlin to lose some of his concentration a little.
‘Oh, that. Don’t worry about it.’ Merlin knew that Arthur had just been taking his frustration out of him, and that was fine; it meant that Arthur didn’t like what he was being ordered to do by his father, and that gave Merlin hope. He had realised Arthur wasn’t as immoveable as Uther on the subject of magic, that he aimed to understand more before condemning someone to death. Oh, he wanted to protect the realm, wanted it with every fibre of his being, but he wouldn’t needlessly kill innocent people because of his own fear.
Merlin also knew that it was probably his fault that Arthur was finding himself at odds with Uther so often of late; before Merlin had challenged his beliefs, Arthur had probably never considered the possibility that magic could be used for good, never doubted that all magic users were evil. But, primarily for selfish reasons, Merlin needed Arthur to consider such ideas.
He needed Arthur to be comfortable with the concept of magic being a force for good when he found out about Merlin’s own powers. And he would find out about them - it was simply a matter of when. Arthur was surely going to be furious with Merlin when he found out, and really Merlin wouldn’t blame him, but he hoped that anger would be down to the perceived lack of trust rather than Arthur thinking Merlin intended to destroy Camelot. He didn’t want Arthur to think that Merlin could ever be a threat to him; Merlin would give his very life to protect Arthur.
And if Merlin was honest with himself, he did trust Arthur. If Arthur wasn’t the crown prince, Merlin was quite sure he’d have told his friend the truth by now, but knowing about Merlin’s powers and saying nothing would contravene Uther’s law, and Merlin didn’t want to put Arthur in that position.
Merlin wasn’t completely oblivious to the happenings around him and he knew how much Arthur craved his father’s approval. Arthur would scoff at the very suggestion, but it would purely be to save face, and he couldn’t hide the truth of it from Merlin. And Merlin didn’t want his magic to be an issue of contention between them, if it ever got out; Arthur would never be able to act properly outraged enough for Uther to believe he knew nothing, and Merlin was slightly terrified at the thought of what Uther’s actions might be towards Arthur in such a situation.
Merlin did feel guilty at giving Arthur one more thing to worry about, but he attempted to console himself with the awareness that he was hopefully making Arthur a better person, and by extension a better king. The attempt rarely worked, though, so he tried to be as supportive of Arthur as he could be, while the prince struggled to find his way through the maze of his own mind and Uther’s demands. It wasn’t much, but it was all that Merlin could do.
Arthur snorted. ‘I really wish that was possible.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘My father condemned three innocent men to death whilst in the pursuit of a real traitor. That number would have been even higher if Tauren hadn’t been killed by Morgana.’ Arthur still sounded slightly dazed as he said the words. He had looked rather shocked that it had been Morgana who had killed the sorcerer.
‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘I didn’t try to stop him.’ Arthur sounded lost, as though he was blaming himself for his father’s actions, it was ridiculous, of course, but it was also a measure of how much Arthur had changed since Merlin had first met him.
‘That’s not true.’
Arthur looked at him sharply. ‘Oh, and how do you know that?’
‘Because I know you,’ Merlin said simply.
He had been in the room on previous occasions that Arthur had tried to sway his father’s mind. Particularly after the incident with the unicorn, Arthur had developed quite a responsible streak; he considered issues more carefully now, and over the last few weeks, Merlin had seen him disagree with several of his father’s decisions - each of which seemed to be weighing heavily on him. Arthur didn’t like disagreeing with Uther, but at the same time, he didn’t like some of the injustices he witnessed. Merlin couldn’t imagine that Arthur had remained silent regarding Tom.
‘You do, do you?’ He was still brooding, but his voice sounded marginally lighter.
Merlin walked over to stand next to Arthur, stepping over a few discarded shirts as he crossed the room. ‘You gave Gwen security when you didn’t have to. That in itself tells me a little something about you.’
‘Yeah?’ Arthur sounded unsure about himself. ‘It seemed like such a small thing after losing her father.’
‘But you thought of it. That’s what counts; it shows what kind of person you are.’
Arthur grunted, which Merlin took to mean that he could see where Merlin was coming from but still wasn’t convinced.
‘Arthur, he’s the king! You can’t go against his orders - all you can do it try to put forward your point of view, and if he disregards it, then you have to remember and change things yourself when you’re king.’ Merlin couldn’t quite believe what he was recommending, especially considering his very existence went against Uther’s rule.
Arthur glanced over at him. ‘You disagree with my father’s orders too, often more than I do. Why would you say that?’
Merlin paused for a moment and thought about it, sensing his reply to the question would be important. Arthur was concentrating completely on him, taking him seriously, and Merlin didn’t want to mess that up.
‘Sometimes,’ he said carefully. ‘You can know something is wrong - sometimes every bone in your body can ache to change it - but you have to know when it’s not the right time to do anything, and trust that the right time will eventually appear because you’re not going to be much use if you get yourself killed or something.’
Arthur didn’t say anything, but some of the tension did leave his body and he didn’t seem to be holding himself quite as stiffly as he had been when Merlin had entered.
‘You know, Merlin, for every few hundred idiotic and stupid things that come out of your mouth, you occasionally say something surprisingly insightful.’
‘I do?’
Arthur smiled. ‘It’s shocking isn’t it?’ he said dryly.
‘Oh, I’d say the only shocking thing is that it’s taken this long for you to recognise my obvious wisdom.’
Arthur laughed. He knocked his shoulder companionably against Merlin’s. ‘Thank you, Merlin.’
‘What for?’
Arthur was silent for a moment. ‘For being here. There are times when I don’t know what I’d do...what I’d do without you here.’
Merlin leant into Arthur slightly. ‘Well, I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Good,’ said Arthur softly.
They stood there in silent companionship, Merlin enjoying simply being with Arthur. He was always slightly surprised when Arthur let him see the uncertainty and vulnerability beneath his arrogant and confident persona, and it warmed him to think that Arthur trusted him that much. He could only hope that Arthur knew Merlin trusted him to an equal degree, and that his decision to keep his magic hidden had more to do with not wanting to put Arthur in an impossible position than any lack of trust.
Eventually, Arthur turned and looked at his room. ‘Of course, while you’re here, you could make yourself useful and tidy up around here. It looks like a small whirlwind has been through here.’
‘Technically, that’s not my fault now, is it? That just your natural messiness.’ He knew that Arthur had spend the majority of the last few days conducting searches, going over security and running the royal guards, and so had no idea where Arthur had found the time to make such an impressive mess of his rooms.
‘Your job is not to question how I got this place in such a mess, it’s to tidy it.’
‘Only so you can make a mess of it again,’ Merlin muttered. He picked up the shirts on the floor and threw them into a corner so they could be taken down and washed.
‘Exactly.’ Arthur grinned. ‘I think you’re finally getting the hang of this manservant thing, Merlin.’
Merlin stuck his tongue out at Arthur and Arthur burst out laughing.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur pre-slash
Spoilers: To Kill the King
Beta: Thanks to the wonderful drjenny88
Summary: Merlin goes to see Arthur after the events of To Kill the King.
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‘I shouldn’t have snapped,’ Arthur said, as soon as Merlin walked into his room. He was standing by his window, his arms crossed, staring broodingly out of it.
Merlin frowned, trying to think what Arthur could be talking about. After all, he generally snapped quite a lot. ‘Huh?’
‘When the guards brought those men in,’ clarified Arthur. ‘The ones who sheltered Tauren. I shouldn’t have snapped.’ He was wearing his long, brown coat, which always caused Merlin to lose some of his concentration a little.
‘Oh, that. Don’t worry about it.’ Merlin knew that Arthur had just been taking his frustration out of him, and that was fine; it meant that Arthur didn’t like what he was being ordered to do by his father, and that gave Merlin hope. He had realised Arthur wasn’t as immoveable as Uther on the subject of magic, that he aimed to understand more before condemning someone to death. Oh, he wanted to protect the realm, wanted it with every fibre of his being, but he wouldn’t needlessly kill innocent people because of his own fear.
Merlin also knew that it was probably his fault that Arthur was finding himself at odds with Uther so often of late; before Merlin had challenged his beliefs, Arthur had probably never considered the possibility that magic could be used for good, never doubted that all magic users were evil. But, primarily for selfish reasons, Merlin needed Arthur to consider such ideas.
He needed Arthur to be comfortable with the concept of magic being a force for good when he found out about Merlin’s own powers. And he would find out about them - it was simply a matter of when. Arthur was surely going to be furious with Merlin when he found out, and really Merlin wouldn’t blame him, but he hoped that anger would be down to the perceived lack of trust rather than Arthur thinking Merlin intended to destroy Camelot. He didn’t want Arthur to think that Merlin could ever be a threat to him; Merlin would give his very life to protect Arthur.
And if Merlin was honest with himself, he did trust Arthur. If Arthur wasn’t the crown prince, Merlin was quite sure he’d have told his friend the truth by now, but knowing about Merlin’s powers and saying nothing would contravene Uther’s law, and Merlin didn’t want to put Arthur in that position.
Merlin wasn’t completely oblivious to the happenings around him and he knew how much Arthur craved his father’s approval. Arthur would scoff at the very suggestion, but it would purely be to save face, and he couldn’t hide the truth of it from Merlin. And Merlin didn’t want his magic to be an issue of contention between them, if it ever got out; Arthur would never be able to act properly outraged enough for Uther to believe he knew nothing, and Merlin was slightly terrified at the thought of what Uther’s actions might be towards Arthur in such a situation.
Merlin did feel guilty at giving Arthur one more thing to worry about, but he attempted to console himself with the awareness that he was hopefully making Arthur a better person, and by extension a better king. The attempt rarely worked, though, so he tried to be as supportive of Arthur as he could be, while the prince struggled to find his way through the maze of his own mind and Uther’s demands. It wasn’t much, but it was all that Merlin could do.
Arthur snorted. ‘I really wish that was possible.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘My father condemned three innocent men to death whilst in the pursuit of a real traitor. That number would have been even higher if Tauren hadn’t been killed by Morgana.’ Arthur still sounded slightly dazed as he said the words. He had looked rather shocked that it had been Morgana who had killed the sorcerer.
‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘I didn’t try to stop him.’ Arthur sounded lost, as though he was blaming himself for his father’s actions, it was ridiculous, of course, but it was also a measure of how much Arthur had changed since Merlin had first met him.
‘That’s not true.’
Arthur looked at him sharply. ‘Oh, and how do you know that?’
‘Because I know you,’ Merlin said simply.
He had been in the room on previous occasions that Arthur had tried to sway his father’s mind. Particularly after the incident with the unicorn, Arthur had developed quite a responsible streak; he considered issues more carefully now, and over the last few weeks, Merlin had seen him disagree with several of his father’s decisions - each of which seemed to be weighing heavily on him. Arthur didn’t like disagreeing with Uther, but at the same time, he didn’t like some of the injustices he witnessed. Merlin couldn’t imagine that Arthur had remained silent regarding Tom.
‘You do, do you?’ He was still brooding, but his voice sounded marginally lighter.
Merlin walked over to stand next to Arthur, stepping over a few discarded shirts as he crossed the room. ‘You gave Gwen security when you didn’t have to. That in itself tells me a little something about you.’
‘Yeah?’ Arthur sounded unsure about himself. ‘It seemed like such a small thing after losing her father.’
‘But you thought of it. That’s what counts; it shows what kind of person you are.’
Arthur grunted, which Merlin took to mean that he could see where Merlin was coming from but still wasn’t convinced.
‘Arthur, he’s the king! You can’t go against his orders - all you can do it try to put forward your point of view, and if he disregards it, then you have to remember and change things yourself when you’re king.’ Merlin couldn’t quite believe what he was recommending, especially considering his very existence went against Uther’s rule.
Arthur glanced over at him. ‘You disagree with my father’s orders too, often more than I do. Why would you say that?’
Merlin paused for a moment and thought about it, sensing his reply to the question would be important. Arthur was concentrating completely on him, taking him seriously, and Merlin didn’t want to mess that up.
‘Sometimes,’ he said carefully. ‘You can know something is wrong - sometimes every bone in your body can ache to change it - but you have to know when it’s not the right time to do anything, and trust that the right time will eventually appear because you’re not going to be much use if you get yourself killed or something.’
Arthur didn’t say anything, but some of the tension did leave his body and he didn’t seem to be holding himself quite as stiffly as he had been when Merlin had entered.
‘You know, Merlin, for every few hundred idiotic and stupid things that come out of your mouth, you occasionally say something surprisingly insightful.’
‘I do?’
Arthur smiled. ‘It’s shocking isn’t it?’ he said dryly.
‘Oh, I’d say the only shocking thing is that it’s taken this long for you to recognise my obvious wisdom.’
Arthur laughed. He knocked his shoulder companionably against Merlin’s. ‘Thank you, Merlin.’
‘What for?’
Arthur was silent for a moment. ‘For being here. There are times when I don’t know what I’d do...what I’d do without you here.’
Merlin leant into Arthur slightly. ‘Well, I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Good,’ said Arthur softly.
They stood there in silent companionship, Merlin enjoying simply being with Arthur. He was always slightly surprised when Arthur let him see the uncertainty and vulnerability beneath his arrogant and confident persona, and it warmed him to think that Arthur trusted him that much. He could only hope that Arthur knew Merlin trusted him to an equal degree, and that his decision to keep his magic hidden had more to do with not wanting to put Arthur in an impossible position than any lack of trust.
Eventually, Arthur turned and looked at his room. ‘Of course, while you’re here, you could make yourself useful and tidy up around here. It looks like a small whirlwind has been through here.’
‘Technically, that’s not my fault now, is it? That just your natural messiness.’ He knew that Arthur had spend the majority of the last few days conducting searches, going over security and running the royal guards, and so had no idea where Arthur had found the time to make such an impressive mess of his rooms.
‘Your job is not to question how I got this place in such a mess, it’s to tidy it.’
‘Only so you can make a mess of it again,’ Merlin muttered. He picked up the shirts on the floor and threw them into a corner so they could be taken down and washed.
‘Exactly.’ Arthur grinned. ‘I think you’re finally getting the hang of this manservant thing, Merlin.’
Merlin stuck his tongue out at Arthur and Arthur burst out laughing.