Being an Account of the Beginnings of Taoism from the Diary of Lester the Border Guard
Title: Being an Account of the Beginnings of Taoism from the Diary of Lester the Border Guard
Fandom: None Whatsoever. Though I s'pose if history can be called a fandom, this is the crackfic of it. :P
Rating: G
Notes/Summary: okay, so this is kinda complicated. it's based off something we learned in history, about how apparently the way the principles of Taoism were spread was that Lao-Tze was crossing the border somewhere and the border guards asked him about his personal philosophy, and they were so impressed they spread the word everywhere. my friend and I thought this was quite ridiculous, so we decided to spoof it. here is my result. :) (I apologize for the horrid accent (and subsequent apostrophe abuse) of our dear Lester, but he was very adamant that all his speech patterns be incorporated into the text. what can I say.)
April 14, 400-Something BCE
It started like this, see? Me an’ Frank were standin’ ‘round as per usual, guardin’ the border, so ter speak, when I says to Frank, “Hey Frank, I’m mighty bored.” and so he says t’me “Yup. Me too, Lester. Me too.” an’ then we stood ‘round some more ‘till Frank says “Hey Lester, I gots me an Idea.” an’ I’m of th’opinion Ideas can be pretty good sometimes, ‘specially Frank’s, so I says “What’cher Idea, Frank?” an’ he says “Get this-next feller comes ‘round this way an’ we’re surpos’d ter do th’whole `State cher business` thingamajiggit -get this- instead o’ doin’ that, we ask ‘em what their fill-o-so-fee is.” and I’m likin’ th’Idea so I says to ol’ Frankie, “Sure, why in tarnation not?” an’ dang if some ol’ geezer didn’ just ride up right then an’ need ter get ‘cross. So I look at Frank, an’ Frank looks at me, an’ so I ask ‘im some o’ the usual bit-name, desternation, ‘cetra, then I lay the real smacker. “An’ what’cher fill-o-so-fee?” I ask ‘im. An’ dang if ‘e didn’ rattle off this corker o’ sommat with principles an’ rot. Just blew Frank an’ me outa there, so ter speak. An’ so we let ‘im pass. After he was gone, Frank let out a whistle. “Well whooda thunk?” Me, I’m gonna tell my Aunt Bea ‘bout this. An’ with that big mouth o’ hers, I betcha anything ‘fore long everybody an’ their cousin Fanny will know ‘bout it.
Fandom: None Whatsoever. Though I s'pose if history can be called a fandom, this is the crackfic of it. :P
Rating: G
Notes/Summary: okay, so this is kinda complicated. it's based off something we learned in history, about how apparently the way the principles of Taoism were spread was that Lao-Tze was crossing the border somewhere and the border guards asked him about his personal philosophy, and they were so impressed they spread the word everywhere. my friend and I thought this was quite ridiculous, so we decided to spoof it. here is my result. :) (I apologize for the horrid accent (and subsequent apostrophe abuse) of our dear Lester, but he was very adamant that all his speech patterns be incorporated into the text. what can I say.)
April 14, 400-Something BCE
It started like this, see? Me an’ Frank were standin’ ‘round as per usual, guardin’ the border, so ter speak, when I says to Frank, “Hey Frank, I’m mighty bored.” and so he says t’me “Yup. Me too, Lester. Me too.” an’ then we stood ‘round some more ‘till Frank says “Hey Lester, I gots me an Idea.” an’ I’m of th’opinion Ideas can be pretty good sometimes, ‘specially Frank’s, so I says “What’cher Idea, Frank?” an’ he says “Get this-next feller comes ‘round this way an’ we’re surpos’d ter do th’whole `State cher business` thingamajiggit -get this- instead o’ doin’ that, we ask ‘em what their fill-o-so-fee is.” and I’m likin’ th’Idea so I says to ol’ Frankie, “Sure, why in tarnation not?” an’ dang if some ol’ geezer didn’ just ride up right then an’ need ter get ‘cross. So I look at Frank, an’ Frank looks at me, an’ so I ask ‘im some o’ the usual bit-name, desternation, ‘cetra, then I lay the real smacker. “An’ what’cher fill-o-so-fee?” I ask ‘im. An’ dang if ‘e didn’ rattle off this corker o’ sommat with principles an’ rot. Just blew Frank an’ me outa there, so ter speak. An’ so we let ‘im pass. After he was gone, Frank let out a whistle. “Well whooda thunk?” Me, I’m gonna tell my Aunt Bea ‘bout this. An’ with that big mouth o’ hers, I betcha anything ‘fore long everybody an’ their cousin Fanny will know ‘bout it.