{-133} I swear to Jesus, this cooking wine isn't strong enough.

[inyourbusiness]

Why am I even bothering to cook? It's not like the jackass will appreciate it, anyway. Him and his bitch will just side against me for some really retarded reason, SO WHY AM I BOTHERING?

I know! I know, because I'm stupid. Why can't they just sit there and be pretty with Vash in his leather pants. Stupid... pretty boys. Ugh. I have no idea

Comments

[nico_oniichan]

Wasn't meant to be.

I knew I called it right when I said you had a crush on Spikey.

[inyourbusiness]

I do not! According to my things from being, I had a thing for Livio.

elkgfj

[nico_oniichan]

I said had. And that was from before, so it doesn't count.

[inyourbusiness]

What does it matter, anyway? He's yours, you're his, Livio's not the same Livio, I'm apparently so insane I made myself forget all of this, so circle cycle circle spin.

[nico_oniichan]

He doesn't belong to anyone but himself.

An' just 'cause you don't remember doesn't make you nuts. You went through some really bad shit, while you were here.

[inyourbusiness]

And everyone's just inaccessible as hell, to boot.

I should've been stronger than that. Everyone else in this damn place is strong enough to take it, and I just decide to quick and block it all out. I get dreams about things that may or may not be related, so I don't sleep. I don't sleep, I freak out and want to hurt all you jackasses.

Maybe I should just get medicated or something and break this piece of junk.

[nico_oniichan]

We're right here, short girl.

Everyone in this place is also pretty fucked up, if you ask me. You're not like everyone else here, where they've learned to deal with traumatizing shit.

[inyourbusiness]

Sure, so you all can just NOT listen to me? Why the hell won't someone listen for once? I mean REALLY LISTEN, because sometimes it's okay to push, you know!

And I go back that I should just go get doped up all the time. It'd make things a lot easier, and then none of you would have to put up with my defensive BLOW-UPS.

[nico_oniichan]

Maybe if you actually tried talkin' to us instead o' blowin' up in our faces, we would.

Because you're so much easier to deal with when you're medicated.

[inyourbusiness]

Maybe if I knew how without sounding like a damn idiot about everything, I would. My problems? Sooooo much smaller compared to yours.

I know I could deal with MYSELF easier.

[nico_oniichan]

They're still there. An' not dealin' with them doesn't make it any better.

You're worse when you're takin' medicine.

[inyourbusiness]

You know what the first thought I had this last time I woke up was?

[nico_oniichan]

What?

[inyourbusiness]

I woke up from a terrible nightmare, and the only thing I could think of is what sort of injury I could inflict to make me distracted enough to not have to deal with thinking about that. How juvenile, right?

[nico_oniichan]

If it was that bad of a nightmare...

I guess it's not, after all.

[inyourbusiness]

And then, I remember the things I've learned about you, about Vash, about... And I can't bring myself to do jack about it, because I'm complaining. I don't care if I haven't been "taught" to be used to it, it doesn't make it significant over the problems of everyone else here.

So I'm kind of caught in a limbo, Mr. Priest. I want to deal with it, but I don't want it to be known by anyone, because it's not significant. I'm not, not compared to... ugh.

I hate this curse, I need to shut up like I said I would.