FIC: Blonde and Blue
Title: Blonde and Blue
Author: invida
Characters: Hannah, Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 3719
Rating: PG-13 mostly, R for swears
Spoilers: 2x22
Disclaimer: I know the law, and the law would win.
Summary: It takes him a moment to register that she's actually standing there.
He's on the phone when she parks her mom's car. She's glad for this moment to steel her nerve before approaching him. He finally hops out of his SUV, and she follows, trying to catch up to him.
"Hi, Logan," she calls out sheepishly.
He spins around and it takes him a moment to register that she's really standing there. He actually blinks and Hannah thinks it's adorable. "Hannah! Oh my God. Hi."
He's surprised like she hoped he'd be and it makes her buzz with warmth. He's not as thrilled as she thought he would be, but she thinks that maybe he's in a bit of shock. She walks up and hugs him anyway. He hugs her back and it's not as warm as she imagined and she's trying not to let her disappointment reach her eyes.
"I've been looking all over for you!"
"You found me," he says, stepping back. His hands are lingering on her arms. Then he awkwardly drops them from her before she can take hold of them.
She smiles at him, trying to ease his discomfort. She tells herself it's because they haven't seen each other for so long and he'll warm up to her soon enough.
"Yeah, it was tough. You've changed your phone number and you moved." She feels silly for stating the obvious. "The Neptune Grand wouldn't give me your forwarding address."
He shoves his hands in his pockets. "I tend to have the wrong people looking for me. It wasn't a snub. If I knew you were trying to find me, you know, I'd have made sure you got my new information."
"You didn't think I'd be looking for you?"
"No. I mean -- I didn't think I'd ever -- I mean --" He shakes his head, trying to come up with the right words. "I didn't think you'd be back this summer."
"Oh. I'm sorry if I surprised you," she says, a little affronted.
"No, no. Don't be. I'm glad to see you."
Glad. Not happy. Now this is really not going according to plan. She'd given him more than enough time to get over the surprise.
"Well, I was just out and I recognized your SUV and followed it taking the chance that it was really you. And here you are!"
"Yeah, here I am."
She decides to call him on his awkwardness. "But?"
"No, no buts. I am glad to see you. But, yeah." He runs a hand through his hair and glances around like he's looking for something. "Uh, hey, I've got to meet a friend here in a bit." He points at the café he was about to enter before she waylaid him. "So maybe we can sit together and, you know, chat until then? Do you have time? Is that okay?"
"Of course it's okay."
"Great!" he says, but doesn't look convinced. He holds the door open for her and she walks in. She feels her confidence return when his hand is at her back leading her into the café. She stands proudly with him at the hostess station wondering if she should try to take his hand.
But the hostess looks up at that moment and says, "Hey Logan! Are you here for --" She stops when she sees Hannah.
"Hey Stacy. Can we get a table?"
"Yeah. Sure. Fine. Your usual?"
"Um, no. Uh, wait. Same section. More secluded, if possible." Hannah can't help a smile at that and looks at the hostess smugly.
The hostess raises an eyebrow and says in a clipped tone, "Right this way."
Stacy leads them to a table tucked in a corner and Hannah sits down in one of the cushioned arm chairs. Before Stacy walks away, Logan grabs her arm and leans in close, whispering something to her. Stacy nods, whispers something back and points at a door, which Hannah assumes is a backroom or the kitchen.
"Thanks," Logan says audibly as Stacy is leaving. He strains to look towards the door before he sits down.
Hannah nervously picks up the menu to give her hands something to do while Logan looks around.
"You're not going to look at the menu? Do you already know what you want?" she asks.
"Yeah. I guess I sort of memorized the menu. I kinda come here a lot."
"Oh," Hannah says. "This doesn't seem like the kind of place you'd go to."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I just don't see you sitting still drinking coffee and doing nothing."
He chuckles and leans back. "Seriously? You don't see me in chinos and a button-down, sipping on my designer six dollar frappa-whatever with a book of Jumbles? 'Cause I'm all about Jumbles."
Hannah giggles. This is more like her Logan. It took a little longer for her to coax him out of his shell, but she's relieved he's finally emerging.
"I pictured Sudoku and a sweater vest."
They smile at each other for a moment until Logan says, "Our waitress should have been here by now." He looks around the café, turns back to Hannah and says, "I'm going to go look for her and order so we can talk without interruptions for a while. Do you know what you want?"
Hannah thinks his impatience to be alone with her is another good sign and asks coyly, "Do you remember what I like?"
He pauses as if in deep thought, and puts a finger to his lips, scrunching up his face in mock concentration. "Lemme see. It was either a vodka tonic or a mocha latte with whipped cream." He pauses and holds out his hands like he's weighing the options. "With chocolate sprinkles or syrup?"
She giggles again as she says, "Sprinkles, please."
He springs up and is off. Hannah sits back and tries to relax, telling herself that everything is going to be okay. After a few minutes, she thinks this is taking him far too long and it suddenly occurs to her that he must know the waitress if he's gone to find her. Troubled by that thought, she turns around in her chair to find him. She sees him with his hand reaching after the waitress who's just walked away from him. She doesn't catch the waitress' face, just a blur of a blonde ponytail as she disappears out of Hannah's view. She watches for a moment as Logan stares after her before he turns and heads back to their table.
Hannah turns back in her seat, hoping he didn't catch her watching. He flops down into his armchair and breathlessly says, "Sorry about that. Caught her just before she was done her shift. She wasn't very happy with me. I'll have to tip her really well."
Hannah tries to joke to cover up her worry. "You don't think she'll spit in our drinks, do you? I hear that happens a lot."
Logan isn't looking at Hannah, but he smiles knowingly at that and just shakes his head, adding to her unease.
She tries to change the subject. "You know, I heard about everything that happened here while I was away." Sent away, she thinks. She decides to leave that minefield alone for now. She continues, "I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry about your dad. I wish I could have called you when it happened."
Logan stiffens noticeably. He gruffly asks, "What are you sorry about?"
Hannah is taken aback. She stammers, "Well, um, you know, that he died."
Logan waves his hand dismissively and says, "Don't be."
"Oh." She's saying that a lot today. She tries to recover. "I just thought that -- you know, since he was acquitted --" She's thrown off again by the glare that Logan lays on her. She's never seen his eyes go so cold. She can't understand why he'd be angry with her. After all, when she thinks of her own father, no matter what, she'd be a wreck if anything ever happened to him.
She tries again, "I mean, he was your dad."
"Yeah. I know. It would be nice if people stopped reminding me of that." His voice is flat.
Hannah is stammering in embarrassment and confusion now, "I didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to --"
"Shit." Logan interrupts her sputtering. He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. It's not you. I know you're just being, well, you. I never really talked to you about my dad, so I shouldn't expect you to understand. Thanks for your sympathy, but let's just drop it, okay?"
He shouldn't expect her to understand? How could he say that to her? Of all people, she did. Didn't he remember? She had when no one else did.
Logan seems oblivious to her shock and hurt and changes the subject. "So I doubt your dad would approve of you following me around now that you're back in town."
Hannah defends herself. "Well, he and I aren't exactly speaking, you know. Besides, I'm living with my mom."
"As I recall, she didn't like me much either."
"My mom's pretty happy I'm home. She'll probably cut me some slack." She hopes that's what he's fishing for.
Logan only nods and looks around the café again as in the background coffee beans are being ground and steam is foaming milk. He looks in the direction of the noise and Hannah thinks he must be really thirsty.
She tries to get his attention and attempts to explain her situation. "My dad's in rehab now."
"Yeah. Actually, I knew that."
"You did?"
Logan grins, and she pretends that she doesn't know that it's not really meant for her. "I know people who know people who keep tabs on other people."
"You knew." She thinks for a moment about how to broach the next subject and decides to just go for it. "Well, then you know that means he can't interfere with my life for the next little while."
"Oh." He sits back in surprise.
"What?" she asks. She expected a happier reaction.
He's stammering again. "I just assumed -- I didn't hear from you at all, Hannah."
She's confused. "Didn't my friends tell you? I wasn't allowed to contact anyone outside of my parents. That's why Daddy picked that school because they're so keen on privacy invasion. Only the best for his baby," she says sarcastically. Realization sets in and she blurts out, "Oh my God, did you think --?"
Logan is very uneasy now. "I thought you weren't speaking to me anymore because --"
"Because I got sent away?" she finishes for him.
He nods in reply, and she shakes her head vehemently. "No. God, no! I didn't blame you! I thought about you every single minute. I've got notebooks full of letters to you that I wasn't allowed to send. Oh my God. You must think I'm such a -- No wonder you're acting so weird!"
He's holding his head in his hands now and she thinks he's muttered a swear word. She reaches out and touches his knee to get his attention. Logan's eyes snap back at her. He leans forward and starts, "Hannah --" But he is cut off by the arrival of their beverages.
Logan rolls his eyes at the interruption and flops back in his chair dejectedly.
God, first she's late in getting to their table and now she's arrived at exactly the wrong moment. This waitress has the worst timing, Hannah thinks as she looks up to glare at her, and lays eyes upon Veronica Mars.
She'd known Veronica to see her in the hallways because everyone at Neptune High knew who the formidable and scary Veronica Mars was. But Hannah had never been up close to her. She'd heard all the stories about her being a slut, a bitch, a champion for the underdog, and a hero. So after all those stories it surprises her to see how short Veronica is.
Hannah had believed all of Logan's stories about her, that Veronica was heartless and cold and had ripped his heart out when he'd needed her most. Whenever he talked about his cruel ex, Hannah was always glad he was with her and hadn't ever thought to try to go back to unfeeling, frigid Veronica.
But now she's facing Veronica as she's putting her tray down on the table, and Hannah doesn't know what to make of her. Veronica is smiling sweetly at her, but she can't determine if her smile is sincere. Hannah is immediately on the defensive and wants to tell her to go away, but there's no reason to other than Hannah's misgivings. She's trying to tell herself that there's no way Logan would be friends with Veronica again. Not after she hurt him so badly. Not after Hannah had made him whole again.
"Mocha latte with whipped cream and extra sprinkles for the young miss. The chocolate almond biscotti is on the house."
Veronica turns to Logan, her smile gone, and sets his drink down saying, "Frappa-whatever for the gentleman."
Hannah thinks she did not just hear that right, but sees a glance exchanged and knows that something just happened whether she heard right or not.
Veronica turns back, smiles brightly, not really looking at either of them asks, "Can I get you anything else?"
Logan replies, "No. Thanks."
Veronica turns and leaves hastily, like she couldn't wait to be out of their presence. Maybe I'm being paranoid, Hannah thinks, wondering about Veronica's hurried departure; maybe she's the one who's jealous.
Her attention is brought back when Logan starts again, "Hannah --"
But Hannah can't let it drop. "That was Veronica Mars."
Logan drops his gaze to his knees. "Yeah."
"She's your ex. But you asked to sit in her section." Hannah is back to stating the obvious. "Are you friends again?" There's an unwilling jealousy rising in her voice. She doesn't want to sound like the shrill girlfriend who can't trust him. She wants to be the girl who gave him everything he needed and waited for him to figure out what that was. But she's in the dark and can't help stabbing blindly.
Logan doesn't exactly answer her. "Look, Hannah, a lot has happened since you left --"
"I was sent away," she interrupts, correcting him.
"Yeah, okay, a lot's happened since your dad sent you away."
"I was only gone two and a half months."
"I know, but --"
"We never broke up!" Hannah blurts out with agitation.
Logan exhales loudly. "All I had were your friends telling me it was my fault that you were gone, and then nothing from you, and your parents telling me to stop harassing them. The actual break-up seemed like a moot point since we couldn't be together."
Hannah is fighting back tears. "But I couldn't contact you! I wanted to every single day. Doesn't that change anything?"
Logan sighs. "It makes this a lot harder."
"What are you saying? That you would have broken up with me anyway?" Hannah asks incredulously. "And what would have happened if I never left?"
"I don't know. I hadn't thought about it."
"Then think about it now and tell me."
"I don't want to hurt you," he says softly.
"Then don't."
He shakes his head. "I'm going to."
"But you don't have to!" She reaches out and takes his hands in hers. "Just tell me we can try again! We've got the whole summer."
"Listen to me, Hannah." He puts her hands back in her own lap. His hands are still covering hers as he says, "You're a sweet girl."
She smiles with hope and says, "I've heard that line before. And then you asked me to forgive you. And I did. For everything."
"And I'll never forget that," he says, squeezing her hands.
"So is that what's going to happen this time? You tell me you're no good for me and stop talking to me for a few days and then you'll stalk me and tell me it was all a mistake and beg me to forgive you again?"
"No," he replies grimly, looking her straight in the eye with an unwavering gaze.
Hannah is stunned for a moment and angrily pulls her hands out from underneath Logan's. "But I was only gone for two months!"
Logan sits back and doesn't reply. He looks in the direction of the counter, and Hannah begins to put it all together.
"So is Veronica the friend you're meeting here or is she the reason you don't want to try again?" she shoots at him accusingly.
He looks back at her guiltily, then drops his gaze as he says, "Both."
"And how long after I left did you start seeing her?"
"It wasn't like that. We'd been dealing with a lot of shit. We just sorta realized that we need each other, and it just kinda happened."
"How long?" Hannah repeats, unmoved by his sort-of confession.
"It's been a couple of weeks."
"Just a couple of weeks? Well, how do you even know it's serious? I mean, did you ever think that maybe it could be rebound thing?"
"It's serious. And no, it's really not a rebound thing." He pauses to let it sink in and then adds, "I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, you've already said that," Hannah says bitterly.
"And I mean it."
For the first time, she really doesn't believe him. "So what is this, Logan? Some kind of sick joke? You invite me in here so you can break up with me in front of your current girlfriend? Is this how you two get your jollies?"
"No! You came up to me. I had no idea you were going to be here. I had no idea why you'd even wanted to see me. I had to meet her here. I mean it's a café. I thought we could talk and get some closure."
"You requested her section!"
"I guess I was trying to show her she can trust me," he mumbles uncomfortably.
Hannah is livid and points to herself. "I already trusted you! Me. The whole time and after everything. You never had to prove anything to me. You said she's never trusted you and now you're jumping through hoops to prove yourself to her? Is that what you really want?"
When he doesn't answer her, Hannah decides she's had enough. She gets up suddenly and the untouched drinks slosh onto the table, but she doesn't care. "Then you deserve each other," she hisses at him as she storms by his chair. She's trying to get out of the café before she bursts into tears, but she's already thought of a few choice words if Veronica manages to get in her way.
She makes it to her mom's car and she leans against the door and holds her head in her hands. She's determined that she won't cry just in case. But as the minutes go by, she realizes she was kidding herself to think that Logan would follow her out and make sure she was okay, and then he'd really see her and realize he belonged with her.
She can't help thinking how completely unfair this is. It wasn't her fault that she was sent away just because everyone thought she was going to get hurt. And she doesn't appreciate the irony of proving them wrong by getting hurt anyway, all because of their misguided good intentions.
It's remembering their first reunion that makes her decide she's not going to give up. She's going to fight and show him what she's made of, show him that he's making a mistake. He realized it before, he will again. She turns around and heads back into the café with determination. She's making her way back to where she and Logan were sitting, but he isn't there anymore and the mess is already cleaned up, leaving no evidence that she was even there.
She glances around in panic, hoping she didn't miss him leaving when she spies him sitting in a cushioned chair at another table. Veronica is perched on one of the arms and Logan's arm is slung around her waist and his other hand is on her knee.
Hannah straightens her back and takes a deep breath and comes up behind them, but stops at a nearby table when she hears Veronica say resignedly, "Well, what did you expect? Of course she's going to be hurt."
She sees Logan shrug and she can see the guilt in the way he hangs his shoulders. It makes her ache to hold him and tell him it's okay, but instead it's Veronica's hand that runs through his hair and comes to rest on the back of his neck. Hannah feels her anger and jealousy simmering all over again.
"You know, she asked me what would have happened if she hadn't gone away." Hannah perks up at that.
Veronica looks down at him and swallows. "What did you say?" Hannah swallows too. She'd desperately wanted to hear this earlier, but now she's not so sure it will do any good.
"Nothing. I didn't want to get her hopes up."
"And you would have?"
"I dunno. I just didn't want to think about it."
"And now?"
He curls his arm around Veronica's waist and then pulls her into his lap. "Now that I think about it, if she hadn't left, and she and I had stayed together, I'd have missed out on this second or third chance with you and I would have regretted that more."
Veronica laughs with relief and says, "More like fourth chance. Not that I'm counting."
"You know, nobody likes a stats geek. You're just lucky you're so cute." He's tucking strands of her hair behind her ear. "What I'm saying is that when I think of 'what ifs' and 'shouldas' and regrets, they're about you and how much stupid time we've wasted."
And it's not Logan's words that have Hannah turning and running back out the door. It's something in his voice that she hadn't heard before. Hannah doesn't hear the sugary sweetness that he used with her when he talks to Veronica; Veronica gets something better. And when Hannah realizes what it is, she knows she has no hope. What she hears is the truth.
Author: invida
Characters: Hannah, Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 3719
Rating: PG-13 mostly, R for swears
Spoilers: 2x22
Disclaimer: I know the law, and the law would win.
Summary: It takes him a moment to register that she's actually standing there.
He's on the phone when she parks her mom's car. She's glad for this moment to steel her nerve before approaching him. He finally hops out of his SUV, and she follows, trying to catch up to him.
"Hi, Logan," she calls out sheepishly.
He spins around and it takes him a moment to register that she's really standing there. He actually blinks and Hannah thinks it's adorable. "Hannah! Oh my God. Hi."
He's surprised like she hoped he'd be and it makes her buzz with warmth. He's not as thrilled as she thought he would be, but she thinks that maybe he's in a bit of shock. She walks up and hugs him anyway. He hugs her back and it's not as warm as she imagined and she's trying not to let her disappointment reach her eyes.
"I've been looking all over for you!"
"You found me," he says, stepping back. His hands are lingering on her arms. Then he awkwardly drops them from her before she can take hold of them.
She smiles at him, trying to ease his discomfort. She tells herself it's because they haven't seen each other for so long and he'll warm up to her soon enough.
"Yeah, it was tough. You've changed your phone number and you moved." She feels silly for stating the obvious. "The Neptune Grand wouldn't give me your forwarding address."
He shoves his hands in his pockets. "I tend to have the wrong people looking for me. It wasn't a snub. If I knew you were trying to find me, you know, I'd have made sure you got my new information."
"You didn't think I'd be looking for you?"
"No. I mean -- I didn't think I'd ever -- I mean --" He shakes his head, trying to come up with the right words. "I didn't think you'd be back this summer."
"Oh. I'm sorry if I surprised you," she says, a little affronted.
"No, no. Don't be. I'm glad to see you."
Glad. Not happy. Now this is really not going according to plan. She'd given him more than enough time to get over the surprise.
"Well, I was just out and I recognized your SUV and followed it taking the chance that it was really you. And here you are!"
"Yeah, here I am."
She decides to call him on his awkwardness. "But?"
"No, no buts. I am glad to see you. But, yeah." He runs a hand through his hair and glances around like he's looking for something. "Uh, hey, I've got to meet a friend here in a bit." He points at the café he was about to enter before she waylaid him. "So maybe we can sit together and, you know, chat until then? Do you have time? Is that okay?"
"Of course it's okay."
"Great!" he says, but doesn't look convinced. He holds the door open for her and she walks in. She feels her confidence return when his hand is at her back leading her into the café. She stands proudly with him at the hostess station wondering if she should try to take his hand.
But the hostess looks up at that moment and says, "Hey Logan! Are you here for --" She stops when she sees Hannah.
"Hey Stacy. Can we get a table?"
"Yeah. Sure. Fine. Your usual?"
"Um, no. Uh, wait. Same section. More secluded, if possible." Hannah can't help a smile at that and looks at the hostess smugly.
The hostess raises an eyebrow and says in a clipped tone, "Right this way."
Stacy leads them to a table tucked in a corner and Hannah sits down in one of the cushioned arm chairs. Before Stacy walks away, Logan grabs her arm and leans in close, whispering something to her. Stacy nods, whispers something back and points at a door, which Hannah assumes is a backroom or the kitchen.
"Thanks," Logan says audibly as Stacy is leaving. He strains to look towards the door before he sits down.
Hannah nervously picks up the menu to give her hands something to do while Logan looks around.
"You're not going to look at the menu? Do you already know what you want?" she asks.
"Yeah. I guess I sort of memorized the menu. I kinda come here a lot."
"Oh," Hannah says. "This doesn't seem like the kind of place you'd go to."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I just don't see you sitting still drinking coffee and doing nothing."
He chuckles and leans back. "Seriously? You don't see me in chinos and a button-down, sipping on my designer six dollar frappa-whatever with a book of Jumbles? 'Cause I'm all about Jumbles."
Hannah giggles. This is more like her Logan. It took a little longer for her to coax him out of his shell, but she's relieved he's finally emerging.
"I pictured Sudoku and a sweater vest."
They smile at each other for a moment until Logan says, "Our waitress should have been here by now." He looks around the café, turns back to Hannah and says, "I'm going to go look for her and order so we can talk without interruptions for a while. Do you know what you want?"
Hannah thinks his impatience to be alone with her is another good sign and asks coyly, "Do you remember what I like?"
He pauses as if in deep thought, and puts a finger to his lips, scrunching up his face in mock concentration. "Lemme see. It was either a vodka tonic or a mocha latte with whipped cream." He pauses and holds out his hands like he's weighing the options. "With chocolate sprinkles or syrup?"
She giggles again as she says, "Sprinkles, please."
He springs up and is off. Hannah sits back and tries to relax, telling herself that everything is going to be okay. After a few minutes, she thinks this is taking him far too long and it suddenly occurs to her that he must know the waitress if he's gone to find her. Troubled by that thought, she turns around in her chair to find him. She sees him with his hand reaching after the waitress who's just walked away from him. She doesn't catch the waitress' face, just a blur of a blonde ponytail as she disappears out of Hannah's view. She watches for a moment as Logan stares after her before he turns and heads back to their table.
Hannah turns back in her seat, hoping he didn't catch her watching. He flops down into his armchair and breathlessly says, "Sorry about that. Caught her just before she was done her shift. She wasn't very happy with me. I'll have to tip her really well."
Hannah tries to joke to cover up her worry. "You don't think she'll spit in our drinks, do you? I hear that happens a lot."
Logan isn't looking at Hannah, but he smiles knowingly at that and just shakes his head, adding to her unease.
She tries to change the subject. "You know, I heard about everything that happened here while I was away." Sent away, she thinks. She decides to leave that minefield alone for now. She continues, "I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry about your dad. I wish I could have called you when it happened."
Logan stiffens noticeably. He gruffly asks, "What are you sorry about?"
Hannah is taken aback. She stammers, "Well, um, you know, that he died."
Logan waves his hand dismissively and says, "Don't be."
"Oh." She's saying that a lot today. She tries to recover. "I just thought that -- you know, since he was acquitted --" She's thrown off again by the glare that Logan lays on her. She's never seen his eyes go so cold. She can't understand why he'd be angry with her. After all, when she thinks of her own father, no matter what, she'd be a wreck if anything ever happened to him.
She tries again, "I mean, he was your dad."
"Yeah. I know. It would be nice if people stopped reminding me of that." His voice is flat.
Hannah is stammering in embarrassment and confusion now, "I didn't mean anything by it. I was just trying to --"
"Shit." Logan interrupts her sputtering. He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. It's not you. I know you're just being, well, you. I never really talked to you about my dad, so I shouldn't expect you to understand. Thanks for your sympathy, but let's just drop it, okay?"
He shouldn't expect her to understand? How could he say that to her? Of all people, she did. Didn't he remember? She had when no one else did.
Logan seems oblivious to her shock and hurt and changes the subject. "So I doubt your dad would approve of you following me around now that you're back in town."
Hannah defends herself. "Well, he and I aren't exactly speaking, you know. Besides, I'm living with my mom."
"As I recall, she didn't like me much either."
"My mom's pretty happy I'm home. She'll probably cut me some slack." She hopes that's what he's fishing for.
Logan only nods and looks around the café again as in the background coffee beans are being ground and steam is foaming milk. He looks in the direction of the noise and Hannah thinks he must be really thirsty.
She tries to get his attention and attempts to explain her situation. "My dad's in rehab now."
"Yeah. Actually, I knew that."
"You did?"
Logan grins, and she pretends that she doesn't know that it's not really meant for her. "I know people who know people who keep tabs on other people."
"You knew." She thinks for a moment about how to broach the next subject and decides to just go for it. "Well, then you know that means he can't interfere with my life for the next little while."
"Oh." He sits back in surprise.
"What?" she asks. She expected a happier reaction.
He's stammering again. "I just assumed -- I didn't hear from you at all, Hannah."
She's confused. "Didn't my friends tell you? I wasn't allowed to contact anyone outside of my parents. That's why Daddy picked that school because they're so keen on privacy invasion. Only the best for his baby," she says sarcastically. Realization sets in and she blurts out, "Oh my God, did you think --?"
Logan is very uneasy now. "I thought you weren't speaking to me anymore because --"
"Because I got sent away?" she finishes for him.
He nods in reply, and she shakes her head vehemently. "No. God, no! I didn't blame you! I thought about you every single minute. I've got notebooks full of letters to you that I wasn't allowed to send. Oh my God. You must think I'm such a -- No wonder you're acting so weird!"
He's holding his head in his hands now and she thinks he's muttered a swear word. She reaches out and touches his knee to get his attention. Logan's eyes snap back at her. He leans forward and starts, "Hannah --" But he is cut off by the arrival of their beverages.
Logan rolls his eyes at the interruption and flops back in his chair dejectedly.
God, first she's late in getting to their table and now she's arrived at exactly the wrong moment. This waitress has the worst timing, Hannah thinks as she looks up to glare at her, and lays eyes upon Veronica Mars.
She'd known Veronica to see her in the hallways because everyone at Neptune High knew who the formidable and scary Veronica Mars was. But Hannah had never been up close to her. She'd heard all the stories about her being a slut, a bitch, a champion for the underdog, and a hero. So after all those stories it surprises her to see how short Veronica is.
Hannah had believed all of Logan's stories about her, that Veronica was heartless and cold and had ripped his heart out when he'd needed her most. Whenever he talked about his cruel ex, Hannah was always glad he was with her and hadn't ever thought to try to go back to unfeeling, frigid Veronica.
But now she's facing Veronica as she's putting her tray down on the table, and Hannah doesn't know what to make of her. Veronica is smiling sweetly at her, but she can't determine if her smile is sincere. Hannah is immediately on the defensive and wants to tell her to go away, but there's no reason to other than Hannah's misgivings. She's trying to tell herself that there's no way Logan would be friends with Veronica again. Not after she hurt him so badly. Not after Hannah had made him whole again.
"Mocha latte with whipped cream and extra sprinkles for the young miss. The chocolate almond biscotti is on the house."
Veronica turns to Logan, her smile gone, and sets his drink down saying, "Frappa-whatever for the gentleman."
Hannah thinks she did not just hear that right, but sees a glance exchanged and knows that something just happened whether she heard right or not.
Veronica turns back, smiles brightly, not really looking at either of them asks, "Can I get you anything else?"
Logan replies, "No. Thanks."
Veronica turns and leaves hastily, like she couldn't wait to be out of their presence. Maybe I'm being paranoid, Hannah thinks, wondering about Veronica's hurried departure; maybe she's the one who's jealous.
Her attention is brought back when Logan starts again, "Hannah --"
But Hannah can't let it drop. "That was Veronica Mars."
Logan drops his gaze to his knees. "Yeah."
"She's your ex. But you asked to sit in her section." Hannah is back to stating the obvious. "Are you friends again?" There's an unwilling jealousy rising in her voice. She doesn't want to sound like the shrill girlfriend who can't trust him. She wants to be the girl who gave him everything he needed and waited for him to figure out what that was. But she's in the dark and can't help stabbing blindly.
Logan doesn't exactly answer her. "Look, Hannah, a lot has happened since you left --"
"I was sent away," she interrupts, correcting him.
"Yeah, okay, a lot's happened since your dad sent you away."
"I was only gone two and a half months."
"I know, but --"
"We never broke up!" Hannah blurts out with agitation.
Logan exhales loudly. "All I had were your friends telling me it was my fault that you were gone, and then nothing from you, and your parents telling me to stop harassing them. The actual break-up seemed like a moot point since we couldn't be together."
Hannah is fighting back tears. "But I couldn't contact you! I wanted to every single day. Doesn't that change anything?"
Logan sighs. "It makes this a lot harder."
"What are you saying? That you would have broken up with me anyway?" Hannah asks incredulously. "And what would have happened if I never left?"
"I don't know. I hadn't thought about it."
"Then think about it now and tell me."
"I don't want to hurt you," he says softly.
"Then don't."
He shakes his head. "I'm going to."
"But you don't have to!" She reaches out and takes his hands in hers. "Just tell me we can try again! We've got the whole summer."
"Listen to me, Hannah." He puts her hands back in her own lap. His hands are still covering hers as he says, "You're a sweet girl."
She smiles with hope and says, "I've heard that line before. And then you asked me to forgive you. And I did. For everything."
"And I'll never forget that," he says, squeezing her hands.
"So is that what's going to happen this time? You tell me you're no good for me and stop talking to me for a few days and then you'll stalk me and tell me it was all a mistake and beg me to forgive you again?"
"No," he replies grimly, looking her straight in the eye with an unwavering gaze.
Hannah is stunned for a moment and angrily pulls her hands out from underneath Logan's. "But I was only gone for two months!"
Logan sits back and doesn't reply. He looks in the direction of the counter, and Hannah begins to put it all together.
"So is Veronica the friend you're meeting here or is she the reason you don't want to try again?" she shoots at him accusingly.
He looks back at her guiltily, then drops his gaze as he says, "Both."
"And how long after I left did you start seeing her?"
"It wasn't like that. We'd been dealing with a lot of shit. We just sorta realized that we need each other, and it just kinda happened."
"How long?" Hannah repeats, unmoved by his sort-of confession.
"It's been a couple of weeks."
"Just a couple of weeks? Well, how do you even know it's serious? I mean, did you ever think that maybe it could be rebound thing?"
"It's serious. And no, it's really not a rebound thing." He pauses to let it sink in and then adds, "I'm really sorry."
"Yeah, you've already said that," Hannah says bitterly.
"And I mean it."
For the first time, she really doesn't believe him. "So what is this, Logan? Some kind of sick joke? You invite me in here so you can break up with me in front of your current girlfriend? Is this how you two get your jollies?"
"No! You came up to me. I had no idea you were going to be here. I had no idea why you'd even wanted to see me. I had to meet her here. I mean it's a café. I thought we could talk and get some closure."
"You requested her section!"
"I guess I was trying to show her she can trust me," he mumbles uncomfortably.
Hannah is livid and points to herself. "I already trusted you! Me. The whole time and after everything. You never had to prove anything to me. You said she's never trusted you and now you're jumping through hoops to prove yourself to her? Is that what you really want?"
When he doesn't answer her, Hannah decides she's had enough. She gets up suddenly and the untouched drinks slosh onto the table, but she doesn't care. "Then you deserve each other," she hisses at him as she storms by his chair. She's trying to get out of the café before she bursts into tears, but she's already thought of a few choice words if Veronica manages to get in her way.
She makes it to her mom's car and she leans against the door and holds her head in her hands. She's determined that she won't cry just in case. But as the minutes go by, she realizes she was kidding herself to think that Logan would follow her out and make sure she was okay, and then he'd really see her and realize he belonged with her.
She can't help thinking how completely unfair this is. It wasn't her fault that she was sent away just because everyone thought she was going to get hurt. And she doesn't appreciate the irony of proving them wrong by getting hurt anyway, all because of their misguided good intentions.
It's remembering their first reunion that makes her decide she's not going to give up. She's going to fight and show him what she's made of, show him that he's making a mistake. He realized it before, he will again. She turns around and heads back into the café with determination. She's making her way back to where she and Logan were sitting, but he isn't there anymore and the mess is already cleaned up, leaving no evidence that she was even there.
She glances around in panic, hoping she didn't miss him leaving when she spies him sitting in a cushioned chair at another table. Veronica is perched on one of the arms and Logan's arm is slung around her waist and his other hand is on her knee.
Hannah straightens her back and takes a deep breath and comes up behind them, but stops at a nearby table when she hears Veronica say resignedly, "Well, what did you expect? Of course she's going to be hurt."
She sees Logan shrug and she can see the guilt in the way he hangs his shoulders. It makes her ache to hold him and tell him it's okay, but instead it's Veronica's hand that runs through his hair and comes to rest on the back of his neck. Hannah feels her anger and jealousy simmering all over again.
"You know, she asked me what would have happened if she hadn't gone away." Hannah perks up at that.
Veronica looks down at him and swallows. "What did you say?" Hannah swallows too. She'd desperately wanted to hear this earlier, but now she's not so sure it will do any good.
"Nothing. I didn't want to get her hopes up."
"And you would have?"
"I dunno. I just didn't want to think about it."
"And now?"
He curls his arm around Veronica's waist and then pulls her into his lap. "Now that I think about it, if she hadn't left, and she and I had stayed together, I'd have missed out on this second or third chance with you and I would have regretted that more."
Veronica laughs with relief and says, "More like fourth chance. Not that I'm counting."
"You know, nobody likes a stats geek. You're just lucky you're so cute." He's tucking strands of her hair behind her ear. "What I'm saying is that when I think of 'what ifs' and 'shouldas' and regrets, they're about you and how much stupid time we've wasted."
And it's not Logan's words that have Hannah turning and running back out the door. It's something in his voice that she hadn't heard before. Hannah doesn't hear the sugary sweetness that he used with her when he talks to Veronica; Veronica gets something better. And when Hannah realizes what it is, she knows she has no hope. What she hears is the truth.