FIC: At The Root of All Trouble
Title: At The Root of All Trouble
Author: invida
Characters: Lilly, Celeste, Veronica, Duncan, Vinnie
Spoilers: S1
Rating: R for some swears
Disclaimer: I know the law, and the law would win.
Summary: 5 ways Lilly Kane never managed to destroy her friends and family..."Any trouble this family has ever had, you've been at the root of it." - Celeste, Wrath of Con
Notes: for the "5 Things That Never Happened to Lilly Kane" Challenge at
5thingsthat
1. Lilly v The Media
When she sent the tapes to Access Hollywood, she wasn't expecting this reaction. But someone dead once said that there was no such thing as bad publicity, and she was going to make the most of this. She'd make them love her.
The press was surprisingly creative in the nicknames they gave her. "Neptune Nymphet" was her favourite. "Teen Temptress" and "Lolita Lilly" were pretty pedestrian. But the phrase that she detested was "this decade's Amy Fisher". She had to look her up to find out who the fuck she even was. And the Wikipedia entry was not flattering. No way was Lilly that pathetic.
Despite Aaron being arrested for an actual crime against her, the press was making her the villain in this stupidity. Here she was doing them a favour by showing what kind of loser their beloved Hollywood icon was, albeit a loser who was good in the sack, and she was the one they were blaming.
Oh, she was going to show them all.
2. Lilly v Celeste
"You're leaving me no choice, Lillian!"
Lilly hated it when they used her real name. Hated it.
She spun around on her heel and stalked back into the kitchen. "So let me see if I get this straight, Mother dear. You're sending me to boarding school in the middle of Butt Fuck Nowhere, not because I was having wild, mind blowing, underage sex with one of your country club buddies on tape, but because I might tell my best friend that she just might have the great misfortune of being a Kane?"
"Keep your voice down, Lilly! No one knows for sure."
"Duh. So she knows and then she gets herself tested and finds out for sure. And then we can all stop worrying about just what she and Duncan got up to --"
"LILLY, ENOUGH!" Lilly gauged Celeste's anger and decided just a bit more of a push would get her face a shade of red she'd never seen before.
Celeste took two deep breaths before continuing. "I've told you to stop with this. It's an impossible situation and we have to leave it alone. Duncan should never have told you anything!"
"Oh yeah, Mother. Better Duncan goes crazy keeping your dirty laundry a secret."
Celeste bristled then softened. Trying another tactic, she said in 'mother knows best voice' that always worked on her idiot brother, "Telling her would bring everything out in the open and destroy this family. And I've worked too hard for too long to have it all fall apart over that kind of trash."
"That is my best friend. That might be my sister. That might be Daddy's daughter. It's not her fault that she's who she is and it's not her fault that you couldn't keep Daddy satisfied in your bed."
The resounding slap across Lilly's face almost knocked her off balance. She held her cheek where her mother's hand had connected and stared at her mother wide-eyed but silent.
With no regret in Celeste's eyes, she picked up the boarding school brochure from the counter and shoved it into Lilly's other hand, and hissed, "Go pack."
After Celeste stormed out of room, Lilly turned and pulled the small camera out from behind the glass door of the cupboard, and stopped the recording.
3. Lilly v Veronica
Lilly thought she was discretely following Veronica into the girls' washroom, so she was surprised to find Veronica facing her and waiting for her as she rounded the corner. She was a little startled by the look in Veronica's eyes and couldn't decide if it was disapproval or dread.
"Okay, Lilly, you followed me in here. What do you want?" Veronica said, the tension evident in her voice.
"God. Paranoid much, Veronica? It's a bathroom. Maybe I'm just using the facilities like everybody else. Chill." She turned to face the mirror and checked her make up.
"Whatever you say, Lil," Veronica replied never taking her eyes off Lilly.
This was not going as she planned. She thought Veronica would be more contrite, more sympathetic by now. But she just stood there staring at her so severely that Lilly started to think her mother got it wrong and Veronica was actually Celeste's love child and not Jake's.
Exasperated, she rolled her eyes then faced Veronica. "Okay, Sheriff's Daughter, I followed you in here. So? You've been avoiding me for like over a week now. What else am I supposed to do?"
Veronica sighed heavily. "I'm not avoiding you, Lilly. I just - I don't know what to even make of this whole thing. This was your secret?"
Lilly smirked. "Pretty good, huh?"
"Holy shit, Lilly! I can't believe you! How --?"
"Uh, aren't you a little old for the birds and the bees talk, Veronica?" Lilly asked, hoping Veronica would lighten up.
Veronica ignored. "How could you do that to Logan?"
"Ah, my sweet little ex. I guess he's forgiven you for telling me about him and Yolanda since you two have become quite chummy lately."
"Shut up," Veronica replied flatly. "You know it's not like that. Duncan still won't talk to me. And now Logan and Duncan aren't speaking to each other because of you. Who else do he and I have to talk to? And what I did doesn't even register compared to what you did."
Lilly's jaw dropped. She thought Veronica might be upset when it all came out, but she didn't expect her to actually take sides, and worse yet, side against her.
Veronica sighed again and shook her head. "Look, Lilly. I don't want to fight with you. I just don't know how to deal with what you did. It's just so not right. I can't even begin to understand it. I don't know if I want to because I don't want to think you're not the person who I think is my best friend."
Tears welled in Veronica's eyes and Lilly actually felt her chest clench. Maybe I should just back off, she thought. Lilly moved towards her and put a hand on her arm. "Veronica, I'm still your best friend. No matter what. And it's not what you think. It's not what anyone thinks, okay? Can you just trust me?"
Lilly squeezed her arm and Veronica shrugged slightly. She turned towards Lilly and asked quietly, "So is it true then? What they're saying about your mom? I overheard my dad talking about it with Child Services. Because Logan didn't believe it but --"
Lilly's eyes flashed with anger, but catching herself, she turned away from Veronica before she could see. No going back now. She had to make this good, so she bowed her head and made a little sob.
"Oh, Lilly." She felt Veronica's hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
That's more like it, she thought and she turned into Veronica's hug. "Thanks," she said softly, and sniffled, not entirely unmoved by Veronica's kindness.
"I wish you'd told us sooner. We could have helped." Lilly just shrugged in reply wondering who she meant by 'we'. Veronica whispered, "It's okay. We'll figure this all out."
Lilly nodded and pulled out of her embrace and said, "Well, I've gotta get to class. So I can call you and you'll pick up now?"
"Yeah." Veronica replied sheepishly. "And I actually came in here for a reason."
As Veronica stepped away, Lilly asked, "Hey Veronica, can I use your brush for a sec?"
Once she had the brush in her hand, and Veronica was safely locked in the stall, she pulled out the baggie from her pocket and began pulling out long blond hairs from the bristles.
Whatever the results were, this was going be huge.
4. Lilly v Duncan
After Jake's family meeting to announce to his children that he and their mother were officially separating, Lilly gleefully pulled Duncan into her room.
"What do you want, Lilly?" Duncan asked her dejectedly. He stood in the middle of her room while she ran off to her desk rifling through her notebooks.
"What better way to top off good news than with even better news?"
He looked at her incredulously. "Lilly, how can you even begin to say that our parents' marriage ending is good news?"
She looked up at him from her search in irritation. "God, Duncan, you are such a fucking retard sometimes! You need to open up your eyes to what's going on around you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She rolled her eyes. "Fuck. Nothing. Look, dorkus, do you want your better news or not?" She held up a slip of paper. Duncan walked up to her and tried to grab it from her. She yanked it away before he could. Poor Duncan, so slow. "Ah ah ah. What do you say to your Big Sister?"
"How about 'Stop being a bitch'?"
She huffed and let the paper fall to the floor. "You're just no fun any more." As he stooped to pick it up, she flopped onto the bed, watching for Duncan's reaction as he read the paper.
"What is this?"
"It's a paternity test, duh."
He read further, the names, results, all dawning on him. She watched him swallow slowly. "Where did you get this?"
"I sent away for it."
His frown deepened. "How?" he asked.
"A few hairs and $350 goes a long way. C'mon. Is that really what you’re most interested in? What's important is that all your problems are solved, Li'l Bro. Well, at least where your unrequited love is concerned. I can't help you with your other bizarre shit. And best of all? Mommy Dearest can't stand in your way now."
He was holding the paper so tightly in his hands, he was starting to shake. "But Mom said she was --"
"Can you be more dense, moron? Mom lied. And Mom's not here now. Jesus, Donut, you don't think she maybe had an agenda, do ya? I mean, think about it. Dad never told you to break up with Veronica, did he? And you'd think he would know or kinda suspect if she was his daughter or not, dontcha?"
He sat down on the bed beside her. "So you don’t think he and Mrs. Mars -- you know --?"
She plucked the paper out of his hands before he ruined it and tossed it on her bedside table. "Who knows? All I'm saying is that Dad would never let his one shot at the White House have a skeleton in his closet like committing incest."
"God, Lilly, don't say it like that."
She giggled and sat up, draping herself over his shoulders. "Oh c'mon, Little Brother, you saying you're not hot for even one of your sisters?"
Duncan angrily shoved her away. "Shut up!" She tumbled off the bed, laughing uncontrollably.
"Seriously, D," she said, sitting back down beside him, "are you gonna try to win her back or what? You know aside from the nearly having the same father issue, you two are perfect for each other. Wonderfully pretty and agonizingly tedious."
He held his head in his hands. "I don't know. I think -- I think it might be too late."
"Come on, Duncan. She's still hung up on you. I know she is."
"But everybody says --"
She cut him off. "Everybody says what? We all know that I'm everybody that matters and I'm saying it's a sure thing."
He shook his head. "Everybody says," he started again, "that she and Logan are a thing now."
She barked out a laugh, but when Duncan didn't laugh with her she said, "You're serious? No way. There's no way that's true." Her eyes widened as she thought about the possibility more.
"I don't know. I don't know! All I know is that they've been hanging out all the time since, you know, everything happened. And we've all been avoiding each other for weeks. It's just what I've heard." His sentences were coming out rapid fire. Lilly started to worry he might hyperventilate.
"Duncan, just chillax, okay? There's no way Veronica would ever go for Logan. She wouldn't be able to keep up with him, let alone put up with him and his bullshit. And especially not when you're available again, okay? You're like her white knight or something equally lame."
"You really think so?"
"I really know so. So we'll go to Shelly's party tonight and prove me right. Yes?"
Duncan looked at her hopefully and nodded. She ruffled his hair. "That's my Li'l Bro."
When he left her room, she picked up her cell phone and made a call. Just for the added insurance, she thought. "Hey Luke, sweetie, I heard you were just down in TJ..."
5. Lilly v Everybody
"Vinnie, honey? Your 4:30 appointment is here. A Miss Smith," the older woman called from the reception area.
A voice from the inner office called out, "Hey Ma, can you give me a minute? It's called a waiting room for a reason!"
The older woman looked at the girl sitting on the ratty couch and gave her a "what can you do" shrug.
Lilly grinned back as she picked up the paper. On the front the headline read "Lynn Echolls Files For Divorce". She couldn't help a small smile before flipping to the entertainment section just as Vinnie popped his head out of his office.
"You're up, Miss Smith."
She followed him in and sat down.
"What can I do you for?"
Lilly rolled her eyes. She pulled a file folder out of her backpack and passed him two photos. "I want you to tail these two people and I want you to get pictures of them when they are together."
He picked up the photos and snorted. "These two? Are you sure?"
"Made myself pretty clear there, dude."
"How old are you, girlie?"
"Does it really matter if I have the cash?" she asked. She pulled out a folded cheque next and slid it across his desk at him, leaning over just enough to tantalize.
"You make a good point, but I'm gonna have to wait till the cheque clears." He opened unfolded the paper and his eyes widened in surprise.
"See the name on that cheque there Vinnie? Now you know who I am and now you know who my family is. You can take that as a guarantee that it's gonna clear."
"Well, now, sweet thang, I really don't get it. This guy here," he held up the one photo of the male, "is your dad." Then he picked up the other photo in the other hand, "And this chick is the Sheriff's wife. What do you think is going on? And what'd they do to you?"
"Look, Mr 80s Reject, I was under the impression that you're a private eye, right? Well, my reasons are private, 'kay? And you've got my money. So just get me the fucking photos. Got it?
He took another peek at her cleavage as he saluted her, "Loud and clear, ma'am."
"Awesome! Can't wait to hear from you!" she said cheerily. She twirled and skipped out of his office, before turning back with a wave.
She walked out, closing the outer door of the office, she leaned back against the it and sighed, "Emancipation, here I come!"
Author: invida
Characters: Lilly, Celeste, Veronica, Duncan, Vinnie
Spoilers: S1
Rating: R for some swears
Disclaimer: I know the law, and the law would win.
Summary: 5 ways Lilly Kane never managed to destroy her friends and family..."Any trouble this family has ever had, you've been at the root of it." - Celeste, Wrath of Con
Notes: for the "5 Things That Never Happened to Lilly Kane" Challenge at
5thingsthat
1. Lilly v The Media
When she sent the tapes to Access Hollywood, she wasn't expecting this reaction. But someone dead once said that there was no such thing as bad publicity, and she was going to make the most of this. She'd make them love her.
The press was surprisingly creative in the nicknames they gave her. "Neptune Nymphet" was her favourite. "Teen Temptress" and "Lolita Lilly" were pretty pedestrian. But the phrase that she detested was "this decade's Amy Fisher". She had to look her up to find out who the fuck she even was. And the Wikipedia entry was not flattering. No way was Lilly that pathetic.
Despite Aaron being arrested for an actual crime against her, the press was making her the villain in this stupidity. Here she was doing them a favour by showing what kind of loser their beloved Hollywood icon was, albeit a loser who was good in the sack, and she was the one they were blaming.
Oh, she was going to show them all.
2. Lilly v Celeste
"You're leaving me no choice, Lillian!"
Lilly hated it when they used her real name. Hated it.
She spun around on her heel and stalked back into the kitchen. "So let me see if I get this straight, Mother dear. You're sending me to boarding school in the middle of Butt Fuck Nowhere, not because I was having wild, mind blowing, underage sex with one of your country club buddies on tape, but because I might tell my best friend that she just might have the great misfortune of being a Kane?"
"Keep your voice down, Lilly! No one knows for sure."
"Duh. So she knows and then she gets herself tested and finds out for sure. And then we can all stop worrying about just what she and Duncan got up to --"
"LILLY, ENOUGH!" Lilly gauged Celeste's anger and decided just a bit more of a push would get her face a shade of red she'd never seen before.
Celeste took two deep breaths before continuing. "I've told you to stop with this. It's an impossible situation and we have to leave it alone. Duncan should never have told you anything!"
"Oh yeah, Mother. Better Duncan goes crazy keeping your dirty laundry a secret."
Celeste bristled then softened. Trying another tactic, she said in 'mother knows best voice' that always worked on her idiot brother, "Telling her would bring everything out in the open and destroy this family. And I've worked too hard for too long to have it all fall apart over that kind of trash."
"That is my best friend. That might be my sister. That might be Daddy's daughter. It's not her fault that she's who she is and it's not her fault that you couldn't keep Daddy satisfied in your bed."
The resounding slap across Lilly's face almost knocked her off balance. She held her cheek where her mother's hand had connected and stared at her mother wide-eyed but silent.
With no regret in Celeste's eyes, she picked up the boarding school brochure from the counter and shoved it into Lilly's other hand, and hissed, "Go pack."
After Celeste stormed out of room, Lilly turned and pulled the small camera out from behind the glass door of the cupboard, and stopped the recording.
3. Lilly v Veronica
Lilly thought she was discretely following Veronica into the girls' washroom, so she was surprised to find Veronica facing her and waiting for her as she rounded the corner. She was a little startled by the look in Veronica's eyes and couldn't decide if it was disapproval or dread.
"Okay, Lilly, you followed me in here. What do you want?" Veronica said, the tension evident in her voice.
"God. Paranoid much, Veronica? It's a bathroom. Maybe I'm just using the facilities like everybody else. Chill." She turned to face the mirror and checked her make up.
"Whatever you say, Lil," Veronica replied never taking her eyes off Lilly.
This was not going as she planned. She thought Veronica would be more contrite, more sympathetic by now. But she just stood there staring at her so severely that Lilly started to think her mother got it wrong and Veronica was actually Celeste's love child and not Jake's.
Exasperated, she rolled her eyes then faced Veronica. "Okay, Sheriff's Daughter, I followed you in here. So? You've been avoiding me for like over a week now. What else am I supposed to do?"
Veronica sighed heavily. "I'm not avoiding you, Lilly. I just - I don't know what to even make of this whole thing. This was your secret?"
Lilly smirked. "Pretty good, huh?"
"Holy shit, Lilly! I can't believe you! How --?"
"Uh, aren't you a little old for the birds and the bees talk, Veronica?" Lilly asked, hoping Veronica would lighten up.
Veronica ignored. "How could you do that to Logan?"
"Ah, my sweet little ex. I guess he's forgiven you for telling me about him and Yolanda since you two have become quite chummy lately."
"Shut up," Veronica replied flatly. "You know it's not like that. Duncan still won't talk to me. And now Logan and Duncan aren't speaking to each other because of you. Who else do he and I have to talk to? And what I did doesn't even register compared to what you did."
Lilly's jaw dropped. She thought Veronica might be upset when it all came out, but she didn't expect her to actually take sides, and worse yet, side against her.
Veronica sighed again and shook her head. "Look, Lilly. I don't want to fight with you. I just don't know how to deal with what you did. It's just so not right. I can't even begin to understand it. I don't know if I want to because I don't want to think you're not the person who I think is my best friend."
Tears welled in Veronica's eyes and Lilly actually felt her chest clench. Maybe I should just back off, she thought. Lilly moved towards her and put a hand on her arm. "Veronica, I'm still your best friend. No matter what. And it's not what you think. It's not what anyone thinks, okay? Can you just trust me?"
Lilly squeezed her arm and Veronica shrugged slightly. She turned towards Lilly and asked quietly, "So is it true then? What they're saying about your mom? I overheard my dad talking about it with Child Services. Because Logan didn't believe it but --"
Lilly's eyes flashed with anger, but catching herself, she turned away from Veronica before she could see. No going back now. She had to make this good, so she bowed her head and made a little sob.
"Oh, Lilly." She felt Veronica's hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
That's more like it, she thought and she turned into Veronica's hug. "Thanks," she said softly, and sniffled, not entirely unmoved by Veronica's kindness.
"I wish you'd told us sooner. We could have helped." Lilly just shrugged in reply wondering who she meant by 'we'. Veronica whispered, "It's okay. We'll figure this all out."
Lilly nodded and pulled out of her embrace and said, "Well, I've gotta get to class. So I can call you and you'll pick up now?"
"Yeah." Veronica replied sheepishly. "And I actually came in here for a reason."
As Veronica stepped away, Lilly asked, "Hey Veronica, can I use your brush for a sec?"
Once she had the brush in her hand, and Veronica was safely locked in the stall, she pulled out the baggie from her pocket and began pulling out long blond hairs from the bristles.
Whatever the results were, this was going be huge.
4. Lilly v Duncan
After Jake's family meeting to announce to his children that he and their mother were officially separating, Lilly gleefully pulled Duncan into her room.
"What do you want, Lilly?" Duncan asked her dejectedly. He stood in the middle of her room while she ran off to her desk rifling through her notebooks.
"What better way to top off good news than with even better news?"
He looked at her incredulously. "Lilly, how can you even begin to say that our parents' marriage ending is good news?"
She looked up at him from her search in irritation. "God, Duncan, you are such a fucking retard sometimes! You need to open up your eyes to what's going on around you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She rolled her eyes. "Fuck. Nothing. Look, dorkus, do you want your better news or not?" She held up a slip of paper. Duncan walked up to her and tried to grab it from her. She yanked it away before he could. Poor Duncan, so slow. "Ah ah ah. What do you say to your Big Sister?"
"How about 'Stop being a bitch'?"
She huffed and let the paper fall to the floor. "You're just no fun any more." As he stooped to pick it up, she flopped onto the bed, watching for Duncan's reaction as he read the paper.
"What is this?"
"It's a paternity test, duh."
He read further, the names, results, all dawning on him. She watched him swallow slowly. "Where did you get this?"
"I sent away for it."
His frown deepened. "How?" he asked.
"A few hairs and $350 goes a long way. C'mon. Is that really what you’re most interested in? What's important is that all your problems are solved, Li'l Bro. Well, at least where your unrequited love is concerned. I can't help you with your other bizarre shit. And best of all? Mommy Dearest can't stand in your way now."
He was holding the paper so tightly in his hands, he was starting to shake. "But Mom said she was --"
"Can you be more dense, moron? Mom lied. And Mom's not here now. Jesus, Donut, you don't think she maybe had an agenda, do ya? I mean, think about it. Dad never told you to break up with Veronica, did he? And you'd think he would know or kinda suspect if she was his daughter or not, dontcha?"
He sat down on the bed beside her. "So you don’t think he and Mrs. Mars -- you know --?"
She plucked the paper out of his hands before he ruined it and tossed it on her bedside table. "Who knows? All I'm saying is that Dad would never let his one shot at the White House have a skeleton in his closet like committing incest."
"God, Lilly, don't say it like that."
She giggled and sat up, draping herself over his shoulders. "Oh c'mon, Little Brother, you saying you're not hot for even one of your sisters?"
Duncan angrily shoved her away. "Shut up!" She tumbled off the bed, laughing uncontrollably.
"Seriously, D," she said, sitting back down beside him, "are you gonna try to win her back or what? You know aside from the nearly having the same father issue, you two are perfect for each other. Wonderfully pretty and agonizingly tedious."
He held his head in his hands. "I don't know. I think -- I think it might be too late."
"Come on, Duncan. She's still hung up on you. I know she is."
"But everybody says --"
She cut him off. "Everybody says what? We all know that I'm everybody that matters and I'm saying it's a sure thing."
He shook his head. "Everybody says," he started again, "that she and Logan are a thing now."
She barked out a laugh, but when Duncan didn't laugh with her she said, "You're serious? No way. There's no way that's true." Her eyes widened as she thought about the possibility more.
"I don't know. I don't know! All I know is that they've been hanging out all the time since, you know, everything happened. And we've all been avoiding each other for weeks. It's just what I've heard." His sentences were coming out rapid fire. Lilly started to worry he might hyperventilate.
"Duncan, just chillax, okay? There's no way Veronica would ever go for Logan. She wouldn't be able to keep up with him, let alone put up with him and his bullshit. And especially not when you're available again, okay? You're like her white knight or something equally lame."
"You really think so?"
"I really know so. So we'll go to Shelly's party tonight and prove me right. Yes?"
Duncan looked at her hopefully and nodded. She ruffled his hair. "That's my Li'l Bro."
When he left her room, she picked up her cell phone and made a call. Just for the added insurance, she thought. "Hey Luke, sweetie, I heard you were just down in TJ..."
5. Lilly v Everybody
"Vinnie, honey? Your 4:30 appointment is here. A Miss Smith," the older woman called from the reception area.
A voice from the inner office called out, "Hey Ma, can you give me a minute? It's called a waiting room for a reason!"
The older woman looked at the girl sitting on the ratty couch and gave her a "what can you do" shrug.
Lilly grinned back as she picked up the paper. On the front the headline read "Lynn Echolls Files For Divorce". She couldn't help a small smile before flipping to the entertainment section just as Vinnie popped his head out of his office.
"You're up, Miss Smith."
She followed him in and sat down.
"What can I do you for?"
Lilly rolled her eyes. She pulled a file folder out of her backpack and passed him two photos. "I want you to tail these two people and I want you to get pictures of them when they are together."
He picked up the photos and snorted. "These two? Are you sure?"
"Made myself pretty clear there, dude."
"How old are you, girlie?"
"Does it really matter if I have the cash?" she asked. She pulled out a folded cheque next and slid it across his desk at him, leaning over just enough to tantalize.
"You make a good point, but I'm gonna have to wait till the cheque clears." He opened unfolded the paper and his eyes widened in surprise.
"See the name on that cheque there Vinnie? Now you know who I am and now you know who my family is. You can take that as a guarantee that it's gonna clear."
"Well, now, sweet thang, I really don't get it. This guy here," he held up the one photo of the male, "is your dad." Then he picked up the other photo in the other hand, "And this chick is the Sheriff's wife. What do you think is going on? And what'd they do to you?"
"Look, Mr 80s Reject, I was under the impression that you're a private eye, right? Well, my reasons are private, 'kay? And you've got my money. So just get me the fucking photos. Got it?
He took another peek at her cleavage as he saluted her, "Loud and clear, ma'am."
"Awesome! Can't wait to hear from you!" she said cheerily. She twirled and skipped out of his office, before turning back with a wave.
She walked out, closing the outer door of the office, she leaned back against the it and sighed, "Emancipation, here I come!"