I clicked on this because of the title, and when I finished it I was all sorts of happy because it really did fit so. The end of the line and it was a bittersweet journey towards there.
You know, I'm so glad someone commented on the title. Sometimes I write and already have one in mind, but this whole story was so impromptu I didn't pick it until the end and it took me half an hour just to think of something that would fit. :)
That was lovely! And I have to ask, cause I know *zero* Japanese, what does Seki No Amatsu mean and what is proper grammar? Yes, I feel dumb, please don't mock me too severely. *L*
I'm glad you liked it. There's kind of a story behind Seki No Amatsu. The thing is, I used to have a business making cosplay costumes. I named it Seki no Amatsu, thinking I was calling my business the Japanese equivalent of "Heaven's Gate". After registering the business name and everything, I then realized I was calling it Gate of Heavenly, which, while kind of amusing, is not proper grammar. :D I ended up correcting the grammar and renaming it ten no geeto.
Good, but you only seem to be scratching the surface here. Traumatized Edward, concerned friends, generic love confession, cliché sex scene: we've read this all before. A zillion times.
What is this piece trying to say? Why does it need to be written? What about Roy and Ed fit together, make their pairing unique? Flesh out the plot more, stick in some metaphors and running themes. You should write in two parts: literal and symbolic. This is fine as is, but it is blah. Work to make it fantastic.
On a completely different note, you would love 'Save Me' by Sevlow on FanFiction. No smut or romance, but possibly the best getting over torture story I have ever read, ever. And I have read a lot. Because I’m a sadist. All of her fics are good, actually, and you can find hints of Roy/Ed in most of them. She's a genius. And she always gives happy endings. http://www.fanfiction.net/u/175657/
Honestly, this wasn't really supposed to even flesh out into a real story. I was working on a very very long story and sort of lost my love for writing a year ago. I finally felt like finishing and I wanted to start with something small before I went back to that because I didn't want my warm up to be on a story I actually cared about. I didn't even mean this to really have a plot, it just sort of happened, and not very well, I'll admit.
I do appreciate the constructive criticism though and I'll check out the author you suggested when I've got some time.
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Lovely. Thanks for sharing!
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Wonderful work.
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What is this piece trying to say? Why does it need to be written? What about Roy and Ed fit together, make their pairing unique? Flesh out the plot more, stick in some metaphors and running themes. You should write in two parts: literal and symbolic. This is fine as is, but it is blah. Work to make it fantastic.
On a completely different note, you would love 'Save Me' by Sevlow on FanFiction. No smut or romance, but possibly the best getting over torture story I have ever read, ever. And I have read a lot. Because I’m a sadist. All of her fics are good, actually, and you can find hints of Roy/Ed in most of them. She's a genius. And she always gives happy endings.
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/175657/
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I do appreciate the constructive criticism though and I'll check out the author you suggested when I've got some time.
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