(Untitled)

[undecidedmirror]

I wrote a pretty long background and then decided it was just too personal to post.  So, instead, I'll just put my question and a short response:

Do you find that you form stronger attachments and have more emotional ties in opposite sex friendships than in same-sex ones?

I'm very interested in female-INTJ responses, since I am a female.  And I

Comments

[arrivee]

as a lesbian, many of my close and personal friends are female. they are very emotional and important relationships to me.

the male friends i do have that are not gay, i treat with as much of an emotional connection with as i would any other friends -- they're my friends. gay males i tend to be even more so emotional, but that's because they don't want in my pants.

[undecidedmirror]

hrm.

If all things but gender were equal (i.e. you were just as close to each friend), would you react more emotionally to a sudden disconnect with one friend than a disconnect with another?

And, do you have a preference when it comes to gender with which you share your emotions? I guess I mean...verbally share, as in talking through a hard time. I think it's part of an INTJs personality to find it difficult to talk about feelings/emotions.

[arrivee]

i'd act extremely more emotionally when it comes to girls if a disconnect occurred.

i talk to girls more about emotions in general, i find. however, the person i most likely would go to to talk about my emotions and feelings would be male, however, he's gay. so really, in some respects, it's like talking to a girl.

i just find many of my emotional issues stem back to being gay, so i find it's easier to relate to someone that's experienced and understands that situation best. sadly i only have a few lesbian friends. it's easier to find gay males.

if it comes to topics that don't relate to homosexuality, i'll generally find a female friend.

as an intj, the thing that stumps most people is that, despite feeling weak when showing emotions, i do do it. i find it difficult like most intjs, i just tend to suck it up much of the time and go with the flow. sometimes people will pull it out of me, because they know.

tricky question to answer.

[undecidedmirror]

haha yeah, I think really the whole topic could be a pretty extensive conversation. Especially if you take into consideration gender identity, b/c in many of my friendships with males...I tend to almost play the "male role".

I think my emotions stumped me for a long time. I dislike feeling weak and tried not to as often as I could. It's actually through my current friendship that I learned to accept it and now, explore it. As he said recently, "You're a very emotional person. Even when you're trying your hardest not to be, you still are"

[lynkemma]

I'm a female bisexual INTJ, and gender doesn't affect my friendships at all. I seem to have mroe female friends than male ones; I think this is due to chance.

[eryndil]

At the moment, I would say that I do feel more emotional attachment with male friends. I think that may be because I often find I relate better to men. I grew up in a house full of boys and I tend to feel more comfortable interacting with men - also they are more likely to share my 'T' preference. I sometimes do feel a bit of romantic interest (although I am married) but I think that is just my emotions getting confused for a while!

[mysticmysterya]

Female INTJ here.

For me, because I'm asexual, I tend to have a very hard time forming friendships with heterosexual men. They tend to make me uncomfortable, because most of them are sexually attracted to me, and since I don't return that interest, it's not a good position for me to be in. I have only had one close heterosexual male friend in my entire life, and that was a borderline romance. I didn't care that he was sexually attracted to me because I was romantically interested in him, but we both knew it wouldn't work so we stayed friends. He was more of an anomaly than a pattern, though.

However, I do tend to easily make friends with gay men. I don't know whether I'm more emotional with them than with my female friends. I wouldn't say so. But I do have more of them than female friends, and lately, a closer connection with them than my female friends.

[katayla]

Straight female INTJ here.

I don't know if I'd say I have a more emotional connection with males, but I do know I have an easier time becoming friends with males. At least until the "Wait a minute, can men and women just be friends?" confusion sets in.

[undecidedmirror]

yeah, I think that's the confusion that has set in with me...

[katayla]

Me, too, actually. I thought I had it figured out, but apparently not. *sigh*