Yoochun the Manslayer, Part One
Title: Yoochun the Manslayer
Pairing: Secret ninja!pairing. Meaning, you'll find out soon.
Genre: CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK
Rating: PG-13 (language and other random stuff)
Synopsis: Mysterious forces at work in the world spontaneously turn Yoochun into a woman! With the help of YG Family in SM Town, will he ever regain his maleness? And what might happen to him during his journey back to manhood?
Credit, as always, to aidenrose. Don't ask questions.
Se7en's day started out like any other day. His alarm clock rang at 7:07:07am. He was just that epic. You jealous? Yeah, thought so. He snoozed it after seven rings. He walked seventeen steps to his bathroom and brushed his teeth seventy-seven times in each direction. However, Se7en was about to learn that this was no ordinary day. It would turn out to be the most interesting day, and then some, of his entire life.
Se7en's phone rang. He picked it up on the seventh ring, like always. He also had a habit of not checking the caller ID, but that's a different story.
"Yo. Se7en speaking," he said into the phone.
"Se7en! THANK GOD YOU PICKED UP!" came Jaejoong's voice over the phone. Why did he feel the need to scream? Se7en’s hearing was perfect, kthx.
"What can I do you for, Jaester?"
"Well, it's about..."
"What is it?"
"Yoochun..."
"Ahh, Micky. How is he?"
"He's turned into a girl."
Se7en pulled the phone from his ear and looked at it in disbelief. Was Jaejoong high?
"SE7EN! HELLO??"
"I'm here. Now, repeat yourself. Yoochun what?"
"Yoochun. Turned. Into. A. Girl."
"Like... a literal girl? With like..."
"Yes! HE IS NO LONGER A MALE!"
"WHAT?!"
"WHAT DO WE DO?!"
Se7en parked his car and made his way to the apartment that housed five of his good friends. He didn't know what exactly to do, but he felt like assessing the situation for himself would help. Cause you know. He’s the guru of everything. He’d figure it out eventually. He was good like that.
He knocked on the door seven times in rapid succession. It was like clockwork for his body. He didn't even have to count anymore. It was automatic. But then again, when you train yourself to do everything in sevens for as long as he had…
"OHMIGAWDTHANKGODYOU'REHEREWEDON'TKNOWWHATTODOANDWE'RESTARTINGTOPANICAND--"
"Woah. Xiah. Sloooow down, yo. Take seven deep breaths."
"Sorry. We're all just so worked up..."
"No worries, my friend. Just lead me to the poor afflicted soul."
Junsu lead Se7en through the apartment to the bedroom Yoochun shared with Changmin. The door was shut. Se7en took his chances and knocked on the door. Seven times, if you didn’t already know.
"GO AWAY!" came a voice through the door. It was higher pitched than Yoochun's voice would normally be, but it was still distinctly him. He could probably hit higher notes now! Bet no one thought of that! But anyway…
"Yo, Yoochun. It's me, Se7en."
"OH GOD, YOU GUYS CALLED SE7EN?!"
"WE FIGURED HE WOULD BE THE ONE TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Jaejoong screamed back at the door, clearly frustrated. Yoochun was not making this easy, let me tell you.
Yoochun growled and kicked the door a few times. Like a five year old.
"Come on. Open the door for me, yo," Se7en coaxed. They stood in silence a few seconds before they heard the lock click and saw the door begin to open. Yoochun poked his head out of the room and Se7en stood there, stunned. Yoochun was a hot chick. And you know how Se7en likes them girls. Especially them ones that are hard to get. But, anyway...
"Are you going to help, or are you going to gape at me like I have two heads?" Yoochun demanded. He was just so cute when he demanded, ya know?
"I think you've been sharing a room with Changmin for too long. You're starting to sound like him," Junsu commented from behind Se7en. Who asked for his opinion?
"I HEARD THAT!" came Changmin's voice from the kitchen. Where he was eating, of course. That boy can eat, let me tell ya.
"I-I-I-I... you... wow," Se7en stammered. Why on earth was he stammering? Se7en doesn't stammer, dammit. Never in his life.
"I knew it! You think I'm a freak too!" Yoochun began crying. Crap. Se7en didn't know how to deal with crying girls. Hell, he didn't even know how to deal with crying guys. Not that he would attempt to deal with a crying guy, anyway. But since he was so nice, he decided to risk it and walked up to Yoochun and hugged him. Good God, he even felt like a girl in Se7en's arms. And Se7en’s arms would know. They’ve been around many girls.
"I don't think you're a freak. I was just surprised, is all. Stop crying," he said, in an attempt to comfort the emotional man-turned-woman in his arms. Was that a sentence without a ‘yo‘ in it?! Gosh. Se7en must be really shaken up by this.
"TODAY SUCKS!" Yoochun wailed. Se7en patted his back comfortingly. Soon Jaejoong and Junsu joined in the back patting. Yoochun stopped sobbing, and removed himself from Se7en's embrace.
"Where's Yunho?" Se7en suddenly asked.
"So you mean, he called Yoochun a freak of nature and ran from the house? And Yoochun was locked in his room ever since?"
"Basically," Jaejoong answered
Se7en was stunned. He hadn't expected Yunho to act like such an idiot in this situation... he was the leader of their group, after all. He should know how to handle things. But hey, what do you expect from someone so flamboyant? Maybe he was upset that his dream came true, but for the wrong person…
"He should be slapped. Seven times. And then seven more times after that," Se7en fumed. That idiot. Really. Who abandons girls in distress?
"So, what should we do?" Changmin asked, walking in from the kitchen. They had migrated to the living area. Yoochun sat in a corner. Pshhh. Emo kid.
“I think… you should call Jiyong,” Se7en replied after a few minutes.
“Jiyong? You mean… G-Dragon?!” Jaejoong looked at Se7en incredulously.
“Yeah, G-Dragon.”
“Why?”
“Fashion advice.”
They all stared at Se7en. He didn’t appreciate that. They should follow his advice, really. He knew what he was talking about, dammit. Hello? Guru of all things? Yeah, you’re talking to him, guys.
“What does fashion have to do with this?” Yoochun asked quietly. He looked like a frightened little puppy. Se7en felt for him. Sorry, that is. Incase that wasn’t clear. Cause Se7en liked girls, but girls that were born girls. Know what I mean? Yeah, so anyway…
“Well, we don’t know how long you’re going to be a gi--”
“DON’T SAY IT!” Yoochun yelled from his spot. His entire demeanor changed. He looked almost… threatening.
“--going to have this condition. Your normal clothes don’t fit anymore, and I hear that Jiyong has a thing for picking out wo--”
“SE7EN! DO. NOT. SAY. IT.”
“--the proper attire for… people that have your… condition…” Se7en finished at last. Boy, was that awkward. Se7en liked his yo’s, okay? Anyway, so, Yoochun pouted from his corner. It was obvious that the thought of being a girl wasn’t appealing. But, hey. Gotta play with the cards you’re dealt, ya know?
“Well, then… what do you guys think?” Jaejoong asked, looking around.
“I say we call GD and get Yoochunnie noona some pretty dresses,” Changmin said, smirking. Yoochun growled from his corner and threw his shoe at Changmin. Yes, his ugly old man shoe.
“Well, I think it’s a good idea,” Junsu began. Yoochun started to protest, but Junsu cut him off. “His current clothes don’t exactly fit him anymore, as Se7en so kindly pointed out…”
“Yoochun?” Jae turned to him expectantly. Really, were clothes that big of a deal?
“Yoochun! You look madd good in that dress, yo,” G-Dragon complimented as Yoochun walked out of the dressing room hesitantly. “Just gotta shave ya legs, brah.”
Yoochun glared. He. Was. Not. Shaving. His. Legs. He wanted to hold on to a piece of his masculinity, kthx. He already felt ridiculous enough in this stupid dress. It’s needless to say that the dress was a disaster. Neon pink, skintight, and mini.
“Not so hot about shavin’ ya legs?”
“Not particularly, no.”
“Then put this on,” G-Dragon said as he tossed a pair of leggings at Yoochun. They were neon green. NEON FREAKIN GREEN. What was he trying to do? Recreate Lollipop? Yoochun wasn’t down with that. At all.
“Remind me to kill Se7en…” Yoochun walked back into the dressing room for the umpteenth time.
“I hate you. All of you.”
“But you agreed to go.”
“I was forced to go.”
“We didn’t force you!”
“Jae, it was four against one.”
“You had the option of saying no.”
“I thought I might as well go somewhat willingly.”
Jaejoong threw his hands up in frustration. Why did everyone take fashion so seriously? He just walked to the closet and threw anything on. He didn’t get what the big deal was.
“You look fine!”
“I look like a box of crayons threw up on me.”
“How do crayons even vomit?”
“That’s not the point!”
“What is the problem, then?”
“I’M BLINDING MYSELF!”
“Stop looking in the mirror?”
“I really, really hate you.”
[Next Part] He still has boobs, guise.
Pairing: Secret ninja!pairing. Meaning, you'll find out soon.
Genre: CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK
Rating: PG-13 (language and other random stuff)
Synopsis: Mysterious forces at work in the world spontaneously turn Yoochun into a woman! With the help of YG Family in SM Town, will he ever regain his maleness? And what might happen to him during his journey back to manhood?
Credit, as always, to aidenrose. Don't ask questions.
Se7en's day started out like any other day. His alarm clock rang at 7:07:07am. He was just that epic. You jealous? Yeah, thought so. He snoozed it after seven rings. He walked seventeen steps to his bathroom and brushed his teeth seventy-seven times in each direction. However, Se7en was about to learn that this was no ordinary day. It would turn out to be the most interesting day, and then some, of his entire life.
Se7en's phone rang. He picked it up on the seventh ring, like always. He also had a habit of not checking the caller ID, but that's a different story.
"Yo. Se7en speaking," he said into the phone.
"Se7en! THANK GOD YOU PICKED UP!" came Jaejoong's voice over the phone. Why did he feel the need to scream? Se7en’s hearing was perfect, kthx.
"What can I do you for, Jaester?"
"Well, it's about..."
"What is it?"
"Yoochun..."
"Ahh, Micky. How is he?"
"He's turned into a girl."
Se7en pulled the phone from his ear and looked at it in disbelief. Was Jaejoong high?
"SE7EN! HELLO??"
"I'm here. Now, repeat yourself. Yoochun what?"
"Yoochun. Turned. Into. A. Girl."
"Like... a literal girl? With like..."
"Yes! HE IS NO LONGER A MALE!"
"WHAT?!"
"WHAT DO WE DO?!"
Se7en parked his car and made his way to the apartment that housed five of his good friends. He didn't know what exactly to do, but he felt like assessing the situation for himself would help. Cause you know. He’s the guru of everything. He’d figure it out eventually. He was good like that.
He knocked on the door seven times in rapid succession. It was like clockwork for his body. He didn't even have to count anymore. It was automatic. But then again, when you train yourself to do everything in sevens for as long as he had…
"OHMIGAWDTHANKGODYOU'REHEREWEDON'TKNOWWHATTODOANDWE'RESTARTINGTOPANICAND--"
"Woah. Xiah. Sloooow down, yo. Take seven deep breaths."
"Sorry. We're all just so worked up..."
"No worries, my friend. Just lead me to the poor afflicted soul."
Junsu lead Se7en through the apartment to the bedroom Yoochun shared with Changmin. The door was shut. Se7en took his chances and knocked on the door. Seven times, if you didn’t already know.
"GO AWAY!" came a voice through the door. It was higher pitched than Yoochun's voice would normally be, but it was still distinctly him. He could probably hit higher notes now! Bet no one thought of that! But anyway…
"Yo, Yoochun. It's me, Se7en."
"OH GOD, YOU GUYS CALLED SE7EN?!"
"WE FIGURED HE WOULD BE THE ONE TO KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Jaejoong screamed back at the door, clearly frustrated. Yoochun was not making this easy, let me tell you.
Yoochun growled and kicked the door a few times. Like a five year old.
"Come on. Open the door for me, yo," Se7en coaxed. They stood in silence a few seconds before they heard the lock click and saw the door begin to open. Yoochun poked his head out of the room and Se7en stood there, stunned. Yoochun was a hot chick. And you know how Se7en likes them girls. Especially them ones that are hard to get. But, anyway...
"Are you going to help, or are you going to gape at me like I have two heads?" Yoochun demanded. He was just so cute when he demanded, ya know?
"I think you've been sharing a room with Changmin for too long. You're starting to sound like him," Junsu commented from behind Se7en. Who asked for his opinion?
"I HEARD THAT!" came Changmin's voice from the kitchen. Where he was eating, of course. That boy can eat, let me tell ya.
"I-I-I-I... you... wow," Se7en stammered. Why on earth was he stammering? Se7en doesn't stammer, dammit. Never in his life.
"I knew it! You think I'm a freak too!" Yoochun began crying. Crap. Se7en didn't know how to deal with crying girls. Hell, he didn't even know how to deal with crying guys. Not that he would attempt to deal with a crying guy, anyway. But since he was so nice, he decided to risk it and walked up to Yoochun and hugged him. Good God, he even felt like a girl in Se7en's arms. And Se7en’s arms would know. They’ve been around many girls.
"I don't think you're a freak. I was just surprised, is all. Stop crying," he said, in an attempt to comfort the emotional man-turned-woman in his arms. Was that a sentence without a ‘yo‘ in it?! Gosh. Se7en must be really shaken up by this.
"TODAY SUCKS!" Yoochun wailed. Se7en patted his back comfortingly. Soon Jaejoong and Junsu joined in the back patting. Yoochun stopped sobbing, and removed himself from Se7en's embrace.
"Where's Yunho?" Se7en suddenly asked.
"So you mean, he called Yoochun a freak of nature and ran from the house? And Yoochun was locked in his room ever since?"
"Basically," Jaejoong answered
Se7en was stunned. He hadn't expected Yunho to act like such an idiot in this situation... he was the leader of their group, after all. He should know how to handle things. But hey, what do you expect from someone so flamboyant? Maybe he was upset that his dream came true, but for the wrong person…
"He should be slapped. Seven times. And then seven more times after that," Se7en fumed. That idiot. Really. Who abandons girls in distress?
"So, what should we do?" Changmin asked, walking in from the kitchen. They had migrated to the living area. Yoochun sat in a corner. Pshhh. Emo kid.
“I think… you should call Jiyong,” Se7en replied after a few minutes.
“Jiyong? You mean… G-Dragon?!” Jaejoong looked at Se7en incredulously.
“Yeah, G-Dragon.”
“Why?”
“Fashion advice.”
They all stared at Se7en. He didn’t appreciate that. They should follow his advice, really. He knew what he was talking about, dammit. Hello? Guru of all things? Yeah, you’re talking to him, guys.
“What does fashion have to do with this?” Yoochun asked quietly. He looked like a frightened little puppy. Se7en felt for him. Sorry, that is. Incase that wasn’t clear. Cause Se7en liked girls, but girls that were born girls. Know what I mean? Yeah, so anyway…
“Well, we don’t know how long you’re going to be a gi--”
“DON’T SAY IT!” Yoochun yelled from his spot. His entire demeanor changed. He looked almost… threatening.
“--going to have this condition. Your normal clothes don’t fit anymore, and I hear that Jiyong has a thing for picking out wo--”
“SE7EN! DO. NOT. SAY. IT.”
“--the proper attire for… people that have your… condition…” Se7en finished at last. Boy, was that awkward. Se7en liked his yo’s, okay? Anyway, so, Yoochun pouted from his corner. It was obvious that the thought of being a girl wasn’t appealing. But, hey. Gotta play with the cards you’re dealt, ya know?
“Well, then… what do you guys think?” Jaejoong asked, looking around.
“I say we call GD and get Yoochunnie noona some pretty dresses,” Changmin said, smirking. Yoochun growled from his corner and threw his shoe at Changmin. Yes, his ugly old man shoe.
“Well, I think it’s a good idea,” Junsu began. Yoochun started to protest, but Junsu cut him off. “His current clothes don’t exactly fit him anymore, as Se7en so kindly pointed out…”
“Yoochun?” Jae turned to him expectantly. Really, were clothes that big of a deal?
“Yoochun! You look madd good in that dress, yo,” G-Dragon complimented as Yoochun walked out of the dressing room hesitantly. “Just gotta shave ya legs, brah.”
Yoochun glared. He. Was. Not. Shaving. His. Legs. He wanted to hold on to a piece of his masculinity, kthx. He already felt ridiculous enough in this stupid dress. It’s needless to say that the dress was a disaster. Neon pink, skintight, and mini.
“Not so hot about shavin’ ya legs?”
“Not particularly, no.”
“Then put this on,” G-Dragon said as he tossed a pair of leggings at Yoochun. They were neon green. NEON FREAKIN GREEN. What was he trying to do? Recreate Lollipop? Yoochun wasn’t down with that. At all.
“Remind me to kill Se7en…” Yoochun walked back into the dressing room for the umpteenth time.
“I hate you. All of you.”
“But you agreed to go.”
“I was forced to go.”
“We didn’t force you!”
“Jae, it was four against one.”
“You had the option of saying no.”
“I thought I might as well go somewhat willingly.”
Jaejoong threw his hands up in frustration. Why did everyone take fashion so seriously? He just walked to the closet and threw anything on. He didn’t get what the big deal was.
“You look fine!”
“I look like a box of crayons threw up on me.”
“How do crayons even vomit?”
“That’s not the point!”
“What is the problem, then?”
“I’M BLINDING MYSELF!”
“Stop looking in the mirror?”
“I really, really hate you.”
[Next Part] He still has boobs, guise.