Fic: Diploma 10/25
The mental health of a Sentinel or Guide is greatly imperiled by a number of factors, not all of which are internal. Most western societies stress the need for self-sufficiency in "normal" individuals. Young men and women who feel they cannot be complete without the partnership of another are warned this is a sign of incomplete development and guided towards methods of personal growth.
A Sentinel or Guide, however, must embrace and accept their incomplete natures. Though it is true that many never bond, it is vital that they recognize that their desire for a bond will never fade. Instead, such Guides and Sentinels have reported a high rate of success in envisioning the desire as a sort of entity itself. "Thomas," for example, describes his efforts to think of the desire for a partner as a sort of companion:
After I turned fifty, I realized the odds of my still finding a Guide were too slim to motivate me to continue actively searching. My wife and I were expecting our first grandchild and were looking forward to an extended vacation when I realized that the emptiness inside me had provided a constant source of inspiration in my life.
When I thought of my desire to be paired, for the first time, it felt less like a hopeless search and more like a noble pursuit, a sort of "impossible dream" that had guided me to all that was best in my life. It was a dream I knew I did not want to lose. (Ritcher & Pardo 1988)
Of course, for some who desire to bond, particularly Guides, the denial of bonding becomes more than they can handle alone, however healthy and positive their attitude. Chapter 14 will discuss bond-denial trauma in detail.
"Watchya reading?" John asked, sitting next to Teyla with his breakfast tray.
"Something I should have read two years ago," she said, then reminded herself not to sound accusing while Sheppard peered at her tablet.
She watched his face go blank.
"I told you that you didn't need to bother with any of that."
"And I appreciate that, John. But I am very grateful to Rodney for this opportunity to learn more about Sentinels and Guides so that I may better fulfill my role."
Sheppard rolled his eyes. "See, this is just what I'm talking about. You fulfill your role just fine, in my opinion, and my opinion is the one that matters."
"Then perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I desire this for me. I admit to being quite curious for more information on this subject."
Sheppard scowled at his eggs.
"What's that?" Ronon asked as he swung down into his chair while his tray hit the table with a thud.
"I am reading what I understand to be the texts young Sentinels and Guides read on Earth. They are extremely enlightening."
"Anything in there about sense spikes?"
"Yes, and on helping to bring Sentinels out of zone outs. I believe several of the techniques suggested may be of assistance."
Shoulders curling, Sheppard shoved hash browns into his mouth.
"I should read those books too," Ronon grunted.
"There's really no need, guys," John whined.
"Makes sense to know more stuff."
"I agree." She looked up at Dr. McKay's approach and smiled. "Rodney."
McKay was looking at Ronon's tray and then back at his own. "Can you tell if there's any citrus in the French toast?"
"French toast doesn't usually come with citrus, Rodney," Sheppard drawled.
"You never know with military chefs," McKay said, peering at his potential tray of death.
"Nutmeg, cinnamon, eggs, milk, whole wheat bread, salt," Ronon said.
"Ah, good," McKay said with a happy smile, sitting down across from Teyla. "I love French Toast." Then he downed half his coffee in one gulp.
"You left out the honey," Sheppard said.
Everyone looked at him, then at his conspicuously French toast-free tray.
"I can smell the honey," he mumbled.
Teyla smiled. "That is very impressive, John," she enthused.
Sheppard scowled at her.
"So, I'm kind of new to all this team stuff," McKay said. "Can we talk about today's mission, or do we have to have Dr. Weir here?"
"It's our third trip to the Genii," Sheppard said. "We trade for tava beans."
"They taste any good?"
"They're all right, but now we're back in contact with Earth, we use them mostly as currency."
"They are easy to prepare and highly nutritious," Teyla said.
"Unless you burn them," Ronon said, shooting her a look.
Teyla calmly pulled her tablet closer.
"What about the Genii?" McKay asked.
"Well, I wouldn't invite them to any parties," Sheppard told him, "especially since the last two times we've gone they made us go to their harvest festival."
"Not that good?"
"Think of an Amish wake, but without the laughs."
"And they're going to want us to go to another one?"
"Probably."
"You know, I have a very important simulation running. I could always -"
"Not a chance, McKay."
"I look forward to seeing my friend Sora," Teyla said, sipping at her Athosian tea. "The time for her marriage to Ofprin is approaching."
Ronon grunted into his eggs, drawing McKay's gaze.
Ronon gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Cowen's hiding something."
"Cowen?"
Sheppard nodded grudgingly. "The leader. There's definitely something off about him. And they tend to herd us from one place to another, like they don't want us wandering off."
"Secret naquada mine?" McKay suggested, finishing off his toast with a sigh of pleasure. "Ninja hit squad?"
"Camouflaged poppy fields," Sheppard agreed.
"Meth lab."
"Maybe they're all just Free Masons."
"So we should look at their money for the map to their secret treasure?"
"I believe they are merely a private and cautious people," Teyla said.
Ronon snorted.
"Whatever," Sheppard said, standing up with his tray. "We have a go in ninety minutes." After a brief touch to Teyla's shoulder, he walked off.
Teyla waited a moment, then said softly, "Rodney."
McKay turned from the mess door with raised eyebrows.
"I wish to thank you again for your help and to ask if it is all right if Ronon read these texts as well."
"They're public books. If you think it's a good idea." He looked at Ronon, who was staring at the last piece of bacon on McKay's tray.
"You gonna eat that?"
***
Sheppard checked the chamber on his sidearm, then the safety, then slid the weapon into his thigh holster. He felt really on point today, which was good. He agreed with Ronon that the Genii weren't being honest with them, though there was no question that the tava beans were valuable, and it was nice to see Teyla relax a little with her friend.
At least it will get her away from her homework, he thought, still less than pleased that McKay had taken it upon himself to put her through Guide School 101. He could kind of see what she was saying about knowing more about the way she helped him, but, damnit, he'd never functioned this well in his life. McKay better not screw it up.
Speak of the devil, he thought a moment later as McKay entered the locker room with a nod and crossed over to the rack of tac vests. While Sheppard double-tied his boots, McKay went through a little ritual of patting down his pockets, and Sheppard could almost hear the checklist in his own head: laptop, powerbars, life signs detector, penknife, something, sunscreen.
"What was that?" Sheppard asked him, pointing at the one pocket he didn't catch.
"Huh? Oh, my Epipen," McKay said, deftly reaching in to pull out what looked like a giant Magic Marker.
"For citrus?"
"Citrus, beestings, whatever my body decides it doesn't like." McKay shrugged, but his unease was obvious. "I've been in anaphylactic shock four times now. Never leave home without it."
Sheppard frowned, then tapped his radio. "Sheppard to Dr. Weir."
"Dr. Weir here."
"I'm postponing the mission half an hour."
"Is there a problem?"
"No, just need a little more intel before we leave." He tapped his radio again. "Teyla, Ronon meet me and McKay in Dr. Beckett's office."
"What's up?" McKay asked.
John looked at him, vaguely irritated the man had to ask. In answer, he reached up and yanked on the front of McKay's vest.
"Come on, Rodney."
Teyla and Ronon were already there when they got to the Infirmary, Dr. Beckett standing beside them.
"Is there some trouble with Rodney, Colonel?" Beckett asked.
"No." Sheppard settled into his stance, arms crossed. "But the team needs Epipens and a lesson on how to use them."
"Ach, you're right," Carson said, looking abashed. "I should have thought of that."
Sheppard's expression made it clear he agreed.
Clearing his throat, and with a look that encompassed the whole group, he explained, "It's important to understand the difference between a simple allergic reaction, which may result in an itchy rash or sneezing, and Anaphylaxis, which is an acute multi-system hypersensitivity reaction that can be fatal if not treated. Rodney's previous reactions to citrus and bee venom have shown that he is susceptible to biphasic reactions, meaning a secondary reaction within seventy-two hours of exposure even after treatment, and that in addition to respiratory distress, due to the presence of histamine-releasing cells in the heart, he may also suffer coronary artery spasms and even myocardial infarction or dysrhythmia."
"That's a heart attack, right?" Ronon asked.
"Right. At the first appearance of any symptoms, which may be anything from sneezing, itching, hives, a rash, shortness of breath -"
"Jeeze, McKay, how can you tell when you're not having a reaction?" Sheppard wondered.
"Oh, ha ha."
"Shortness of breath," Beckett emphasized with a mild glare, "and irregular heartbeat. Treatment in the field, fortunately, is simple." The doctor held up an Epipen and mimed jabbing Ronon in the thigh with it. Ronon didn't flinch, though one eyebrow got a little high.
"The usual dose is 500 µg, that's one part per thousand. There are several doses in each pen. The adrenaline, which promotes air and blood flow, should be readministered on the way back to the Infirmary at five-minute intervals, unless the patient's heart rate is too rapid."
"How would we determine that?" Sheppard asked.
"I'll let you know," McKay said. "I'm familiar with the feeling of having had enough."
"And if Dr. McKay falls unconscious?" Teyla asked.
"Get him on oxygen and get him home."
"Don't they have treatments for this kind of thing?" Sheppard asked. "Desensitization?"
"Aye, but Rodney here hasn't wanted to risk exposure."
"You should do it," Sheppard growled, looking at his team scientist.
"Okay, okay," McKay said, hands up and moving. "We all get the point. Don't we have a mission?"
Beckett passed out a pen to Ronon, Sheppard, and Teyla. "Remember, as much as he'll complain about the effects, an unnecessary shot of epinephrine is nothing compared to his not getting one when he needs it."
Sheppard moved his back-up knife to the empty pocket on his right pant leg, then took his pen and tucked it in the vacated front pocket. His body adjusted to the shifted weights, and once again he felt on point and mission-ready.
"All right, let's get to the Genii before the party's over."
***
Part Eleven is Here
A Sentinel or Guide, however, must embrace and accept their incomplete natures. Though it is true that many never bond, it is vital that they recognize that their desire for a bond will never fade. Instead, such Guides and Sentinels have reported a high rate of success in envisioning the desire as a sort of entity itself. "Thomas," for example, describes his efforts to think of the desire for a partner as a sort of companion:
After I turned fifty, I realized the odds of my still finding a Guide were too slim to motivate me to continue actively searching. My wife and I were expecting our first grandchild and were looking forward to an extended vacation when I realized that the emptiness inside me had provided a constant source of inspiration in my life.
When I thought of my desire to be paired, for the first time, it felt less like a hopeless search and more like a noble pursuit, a sort of "impossible dream" that had guided me to all that was best in my life. It was a dream I knew I did not want to lose. (Ritcher & Pardo 1988)
Of course, for some who desire to bond, particularly Guides, the denial of bonding becomes more than they can handle alone, however healthy and positive their attitude. Chapter 14 will discuss bond-denial trauma in detail.
"Watchya reading?" John asked, sitting next to Teyla with his breakfast tray.
"Something I should have read two years ago," she said, then reminded herself not to sound accusing while Sheppard peered at her tablet.
She watched his face go blank.
"I told you that you didn't need to bother with any of that."
"And I appreciate that, John. But I am very grateful to Rodney for this opportunity to learn more about Sentinels and Guides so that I may better fulfill my role."
Sheppard rolled his eyes. "See, this is just what I'm talking about. You fulfill your role just fine, in my opinion, and my opinion is the one that matters."
"Then perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I desire this for me. I admit to being quite curious for more information on this subject."
Sheppard scowled at his eggs.
"What's that?" Ronon asked as he swung down into his chair while his tray hit the table with a thud.
"I am reading what I understand to be the texts young Sentinels and Guides read on Earth. They are extremely enlightening."
"Anything in there about sense spikes?"
"Yes, and on helping to bring Sentinels out of zone outs. I believe several of the techniques suggested may be of assistance."
Shoulders curling, Sheppard shoved hash browns into his mouth.
"I should read those books too," Ronon grunted.
"There's really no need, guys," John whined.
"Makes sense to know more stuff."
"I agree." She looked up at Dr. McKay's approach and smiled. "Rodney."
McKay was looking at Ronon's tray and then back at his own. "Can you tell if there's any citrus in the French toast?"
"French toast doesn't usually come with citrus, Rodney," Sheppard drawled.
"You never know with military chefs," McKay said, peering at his potential tray of death.
"Nutmeg, cinnamon, eggs, milk, whole wheat bread, salt," Ronon said.
"Ah, good," McKay said with a happy smile, sitting down across from Teyla. "I love French Toast." Then he downed half his coffee in one gulp.
"You left out the honey," Sheppard said.
Everyone looked at him, then at his conspicuously French toast-free tray.
"I can smell the honey," he mumbled.
Teyla smiled. "That is very impressive, John," she enthused.
Sheppard scowled at her.
"So, I'm kind of new to all this team stuff," McKay said. "Can we talk about today's mission, or do we have to have Dr. Weir here?"
"It's our third trip to the Genii," Sheppard said. "We trade for tava beans."
"They taste any good?"
"They're all right, but now we're back in contact with Earth, we use them mostly as currency."
"They are easy to prepare and highly nutritious," Teyla said.
"Unless you burn them," Ronon said, shooting her a look.
Teyla calmly pulled her tablet closer.
"What about the Genii?" McKay asked.
"Well, I wouldn't invite them to any parties," Sheppard told him, "especially since the last two times we've gone they made us go to their harvest festival."
"Not that good?"
"Think of an Amish wake, but without the laughs."
"And they're going to want us to go to another one?"
"Probably."
"You know, I have a very important simulation running. I could always -"
"Not a chance, McKay."
"I look forward to seeing my friend Sora," Teyla said, sipping at her Athosian tea. "The time for her marriage to Ofprin is approaching."
Ronon grunted into his eggs, drawing McKay's gaze.
Ronon gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Cowen's hiding something."
"Cowen?"
Sheppard nodded grudgingly. "The leader. There's definitely something off about him. And they tend to herd us from one place to another, like they don't want us wandering off."
"Secret naquada mine?" McKay suggested, finishing off his toast with a sigh of pleasure. "Ninja hit squad?"
"Camouflaged poppy fields," Sheppard agreed.
"Meth lab."
"Maybe they're all just Free Masons."
"So we should look at their money for the map to their secret treasure?"
"I believe they are merely a private and cautious people," Teyla said.
Ronon snorted.
"Whatever," Sheppard said, standing up with his tray. "We have a go in ninety minutes." After a brief touch to Teyla's shoulder, he walked off.
Teyla waited a moment, then said softly, "Rodney."
McKay turned from the mess door with raised eyebrows.
"I wish to thank you again for your help and to ask if it is all right if Ronon read these texts as well."
"They're public books. If you think it's a good idea." He looked at Ronon, who was staring at the last piece of bacon on McKay's tray.
"You gonna eat that?"
***
Sheppard checked the chamber on his sidearm, then the safety, then slid the weapon into his thigh holster. He felt really on point today, which was good. He agreed with Ronon that the Genii weren't being honest with them, though there was no question that the tava beans were valuable, and it was nice to see Teyla relax a little with her friend.
At least it will get her away from her homework, he thought, still less than pleased that McKay had taken it upon himself to put her through Guide School 101. He could kind of see what she was saying about knowing more about the way she helped him, but, damnit, he'd never functioned this well in his life. McKay better not screw it up.
Speak of the devil, he thought a moment later as McKay entered the locker room with a nod and crossed over to the rack of tac vests. While Sheppard double-tied his boots, McKay went through a little ritual of patting down his pockets, and Sheppard could almost hear the checklist in his own head: laptop, powerbars, life signs detector, penknife, something, sunscreen.
"What was that?" Sheppard asked him, pointing at the one pocket he didn't catch.
"Huh? Oh, my Epipen," McKay said, deftly reaching in to pull out what looked like a giant Magic Marker.
"For citrus?"
"Citrus, beestings, whatever my body decides it doesn't like." McKay shrugged, but his unease was obvious. "I've been in anaphylactic shock four times now. Never leave home without it."
Sheppard frowned, then tapped his radio. "Sheppard to Dr. Weir."
"Dr. Weir here."
"I'm postponing the mission half an hour."
"Is there a problem?"
"No, just need a little more intel before we leave." He tapped his radio again. "Teyla, Ronon meet me and McKay in Dr. Beckett's office."
"What's up?" McKay asked.
John looked at him, vaguely irritated the man had to ask. In answer, he reached up and yanked on the front of McKay's vest.
"Come on, Rodney."
Teyla and Ronon were already there when they got to the Infirmary, Dr. Beckett standing beside them.
"Is there some trouble with Rodney, Colonel?" Beckett asked.
"No." Sheppard settled into his stance, arms crossed. "But the team needs Epipens and a lesson on how to use them."
"Ach, you're right," Carson said, looking abashed. "I should have thought of that."
Sheppard's expression made it clear he agreed.
Clearing his throat, and with a look that encompassed the whole group, he explained, "It's important to understand the difference between a simple allergic reaction, which may result in an itchy rash or sneezing, and Anaphylaxis, which is an acute multi-system hypersensitivity reaction that can be fatal if not treated. Rodney's previous reactions to citrus and bee venom have shown that he is susceptible to biphasic reactions, meaning a secondary reaction within seventy-two hours of exposure even after treatment, and that in addition to respiratory distress, due to the presence of histamine-releasing cells in the heart, he may also suffer coronary artery spasms and even myocardial infarction or dysrhythmia."
"That's a heart attack, right?" Ronon asked.
"Right. At the first appearance of any symptoms, which may be anything from sneezing, itching, hives, a rash, shortness of breath -"
"Jeeze, McKay, how can you tell when you're not having a reaction?" Sheppard wondered.
"Oh, ha ha."
"Shortness of breath," Beckett emphasized with a mild glare, "and irregular heartbeat. Treatment in the field, fortunately, is simple." The doctor held up an Epipen and mimed jabbing Ronon in the thigh with it. Ronon didn't flinch, though one eyebrow got a little high.
"The usual dose is 500 µg, that's one part per thousand. There are several doses in each pen. The adrenaline, which promotes air and blood flow, should be readministered on the way back to the Infirmary at five-minute intervals, unless the patient's heart rate is too rapid."
"How would we determine that?" Sheppard asked.
"I'll let you know," McKay said. "I'm familiar with the feeling of having had enough."
"And if Dr. McKay falls unconscious?" Teyla asked.
"Get him on oxygen and get him home."
"Don't they have treatments for this kind of thing?" Sheppard asked. "Desensitization?"
"Aye, but Rodney here hasn't wanted to risk exposure."
"You should do it," Sheppard growled, looking at his team scientist.
"Okay, okay," McKay said, hands up and moving. "We all get the point. Don't we have a mission?"
Beckett passed out a pen to Ronon, Sheppard, and Teyla. "Remember, as much as he'll complain about the effects, an unnecessary shot of epinephrine is nothing compared to his not getting one when he needs it."
Sheppard moved his back-up knife to the empty pocket on his right pant leg, then took his pen and tucked it in the vacated front pocket. His body adjusted to the shifted weights, and once again he felt on point and mission-ready.
"All right, let's get to the Genii before the party's over."
***
Part Eleven is Here