Not even mostly insane
I've finished a few of the items on my TO DO NOW list and a couple that weren't even on it. I am the doingest. Also, I have suites for strings stuck in my head. This is good for productivity, as I'm less likely to start singing along to instrumental music. Less likely. Not unlikely. Still...
The Ionian Mission
There is no Hamlet just yet, but the forecastle men have gotten up a sort of improv team that everyone is enjoying. Everyone except Stephen, who has set off for Barcelona in his jauntily tipped spyhat. Now Jack is all alone in his big cabin and doesn't like it one bit. He complains to Pullings all the time. "I wish Stephen were here to see this." And "Stephen would enjoy this song." And "Oh, if only Stephen were here!" And so forth until Pullings wants to kick him in the shins, but doesn't because one doesn't do that to one's captain. Being captain, Jack can't go out and dance with the men, or just hang out with anyone. One night, he can hear the music and dancing on the deck and uses the vast open spaces of his private cabin to get a little private JackGroove on. But it's not the same if there's no one to see his groove, and Jack goes into deeper funk.
Then he catches a nasty cold, and since Stephen isn't there to take care of it, *everyone* tries to fix him, with absolutely no success.
In the course of the cold, Jack is ordered to escort a gift-laden ship to Turkey to curry the favor of whoever happens to be in power at the time. And who should be captain of the gift ship but Babbington! I know I haven't explained who Babbington is. I don't care. Basically, he's one of the old shipmates of the BondenKillickPullings vintage, and we're thrilled to see him again. Yay! He seems to have gotten into trouble with Admiral Harte, just as Jack did so very long ago. See, Harte is 2nd in command of the blockade, and an age ago Jack got it on with Mrs. Harte. Babbington is going after the second generation, Ms. Harte, who is apparently not especially attractive. But Babbington is of the persuasion that whatever wears a skirt is teh hott, so is not particularly bothered. Admiral Harte doesn't like Babbs, though, and is sending him on this mission to keep him away from his daughter. Poor Babbs? It's hard to say.
Right. So. One of the gifts to the Turkish Muckity-Muck is a rhinocerous. Cool! They exercise it on the deck of Babbs's ship every morning for two hours, and Jack's crew can't get enough of watching it. There's this hoist system, because the rhino is too big to turn itself around and run back the other way. It gets lifted into the air, spun about, and led back, then lifted, spun, lead back, repeat for hours. Jack's comment? "Stephen would love to see this." There there, Jack.
On the way to the Turkish Muckity-Muck, they run into the French! But Jack can't fire first, because the French have holed up in some caves in neutral territory. If the French fire first, Jack can attack, but if Jack fires first, he's definately going to be out of a job. His men hold their fire. They come closer and closer and - The French don't fire on them. So Jack brings the ship around again. Even walks around the deck trying to tease the sharpshooters to fire at him. No dice. No fight. They have to rejoin Babbs and escort him onward. Jack's men are PISSED. They wanted a fight! They'd heard that Jack was the fightin'est captain with the fightin'est crew in the fightin'est navy ever to sail! And they were running from the FRENCH? It truly does boggle the mind. But Jack feels even worse. And he doesn't have Stephen. He misses Stephen.
Now he's old, and ugly, and lonely, AND a coward. Poor pitiful Jack. Where's the cake?
Having delivered Babbs's presents to the Turkish Muckity-Muck they found there, who was not the one they expected, the boys return to the Admiral for a Massive Dressing Down.
Main Admiral: So you couldn't fight the French?
Jack: It was in my orders not to violate neutrality.
Admiral Harte: But you were supposed to let Babbs's ship get captured!
Jack: d00d! That was totally NOT in the orders!
Main Admiral: That was why we sent you that way.
Jack: But! But! I followed the orders Harte gave me! LOOK! *produces written copy of orders, signed by Harte*
Main Admiral: Hmmmm. Not a word about letting Babbs get captured. What do you say, Harte?
Harte: Um, well, they were written up quickly. I was very, very clear when I *told* Jack about his orders. Anyone could figure it out.
Jack: I'm not stupid, but I don't follow orders I'm not given. If you wanted Babbs to get captured you should have told us, and we would have done it. Punk.
Main Admiral: That seems reasonable. Still...
Harte: Jerk.
Jack: Ass.
Harte: *pout*whine*
Main Admiral: Gentlemen! Jack, you're off the hook. Don't do it again.
Jack: Do what?
Main Admiral: Exactly.
Jack: Ohhhh....kay. *boggles. leaves*
Yeah. Jack's off the hook, but his men still think he's a wuss. Also, Jack is looooonly. No Stephen, no Sophie, no fun. Then they're summoned to Mahon to pick up Stephen. Jack's got a little shore time, so he goes to his old haunts and finds Mercedes! She looks just the same, all hot and Mediterranean. She's married now, but her husband's out of town. She and Jack have dinner up in his old room.
Mercedes: I have missed you so!
Jack: I have missed you so!
Mercedes: Wanna stay the night?
Jack: Oh, but I can't sleep away from my ship.
Mercedes: Who said anything about sleeping? *mrawr!*
Jack: I sure didn't. Come over here and-
Stephen: *bursts into room!* JACK! JACK! We have to leave now!
Jack: But! But!
Stephen: Oh, hey Mercedes. 'Sup?
Jack: Um, Stephen, could it wait for *eyes Mercedes* two hours or so?
Stephen: No! It's big important spy business!
Jack: Fifteen minutes?
Stephen: Jack, I don't have time for you to get it on with this charming young woman.
Jack: *bristles* We were so NOT going to get it on! The very idea-!
Stephen: Right. Let go.
Jack: Um, but- *helpless* Bye, Mercedes. Maybe in another ten years-
Stephen: YOINK! *grabs Jack out of room*
Jack: WAAAAAAH! I was gonna get some! SOME, STEPHEN!
Stephen: I thought you said you weren't.
Jack: Oh. Right. *sulkpoutsnit*
Poor, poor Jack. He never gets *any*.
The Ionian Mission
There is no Hamlet just yet, but the forecastle men have gotten up a sort of improv team that everyone is enjoying. Everyone except Stephen, who has set off for Barcelona in his jauntily tipped spyhat. Now Jack is all alone in his big cabin and doesn't like it one bit. He complains to Pullings all the time. "I wish Stephen were here to see this." And "Stephen would enjoy this song." And "Oh, if only Stephen were here!" And so forth until Pullings wants to kick him in the shins, but doesn't because one doesn't do that to one's captain. Being captain, Jack can't go out and dance with the men, or just hang out with anyone. One night, he can hear the music and dancing on the deck and uses the vast open spaces of his private cabin to get a little private JackGroove on. But it's not the same if there's no one to see his groove, and Jack goes into deeper funk.
Then he catches a nasty cold, and since Stephen isn't there to take care of it, *everyone* tries to fix him, with absolutely no success.
In the course of the cold, Jack is ordered to escort a gift-laden ship to Turkey to curry the favor of whoever happens to be in power at the time. And who should be captain of the gift ship but Babbington! I know I haven't explained who Babbington is. I don't care. Basically, he's one of the old shipmates of the BondenKillickPullings vintage, and we're thrilled to see him again. Yay! He seems to have gotten into trouble with Admiral Harte, just as Jack did so very long ago. See, Harte is 2nd in command of the blockade, and an age ago Jack got it on with Mrs. Harte. Babbington is going after the second generation, Ms. Harte, who is apparently not especially attractive. But Babbington is of the persuasion that whatever wears a skirt is teh hott, so is not particularly bothered. Admiral Harte doesn't like Babbs, though, and is sending him on this mission to keep him away from his daughter. Poor Babbs? It's hard to say.
Right. So. One of the gifts to the Turkish Muckity-Muck is a rhinocerous. Cool! They exercise it on the deck of Babbs's ship every morning for two hours, and Jack's crew can't get enough of watching it. There's this hoist system, because the rhino is too big to turn itself around and run back the other way. It gets lifted into the air, spun about, and led back, then lifted, spun, lead back, repeat for hours. Jack's comment? "Stephen would love to see this." There there, Jack.
On the way to the Turkish Muckity-Muck, they run into the French! But Jack can't fire first, because the French have holed up in some caves in neutral territory. If the French fire first, Jack can attack, but if Jack fires first, he's definately going to be out of a job. His men hold their fire. They come closer and closer and - The French don't fire on them. So Jack brings the ship around again. Even walks around the deck trying to tease the sharpshooters to fire at him. No dice. No fight. They have to rejoin Babbs and escort him onward. Jack's men are PISSED. They wanted a fight! They'd heard that Jack was the fightin'est captain with the fightin'est crew in the fightin'est navy ever to sail! And they were running from the FRENCH? It truly does boggle the mind. But Jack feels even worse. And he doesn't have Stephen. He misses Stephen.
Now he's old, and ugly, and lonely, AND a coward. Poor pitiful Jack. Where's the cake?
Having delivered Babbs's presents to the Turkish Muckity-Muck they found there, who was not the one they expected, the boys return to the Admiral for a Massive Dressing Down.
Main Admiral: So you couldn't fight the French?
Jack: It was in my orders not to violate neutrality.
Admiral Harte: But you were supposed to let Babbs's ship get captured!
Jack: d00d! That was totally NOT in the orders!
Main Admiral: That was why we sent you that way.
Jack: But! But! I followed the orders Harte gave me! LOOK! *produces written copy of orders, signed by Harte*
Main Admiral: Hmmmm. Not a word about letting Babbs get captured. What do you say, Harte?
Harte: Um, well, they were written up quickly. I was very, very clear when I *told* Jack about his orders. Anyone could figure it out.
Jack: I'm not stupid, but I don't follow orders I'm not given. If you wanted Babbs to get captured you should have told us, and we would have done it. Punk.
Main Admiral: That seems reasonable. Still...
Harte: Jerk.
Jack: Ass.
Harte: *pout*whine*
Main Admiral: Gentlemen! Jack, you're off the hook. Don't do it again.
Jack: Do what?
Main Admiral: Exactly.
Jack: Ohhhh....kay. *boggles. leaves*
Yeah. Jack's off the hook, but his men still think he's a wuss. Also, Jack is looooonly. No Stephen, no Sophie, no fun. Then they're summoned to Mahon to pick up Stephen. Jack's got a little shore time, so he goes to his old haunts and finds Mercedes! She looks just the same, all hot and Mediterranean. She's married now, but her husband's out of town. She and Jack have dinner up in his old room.
Mercedes: I have missed you so!
Jack: I have missed you so!
Mercedes: Wanna stay the night?
Jack: Oh, but I can't sleep away from my ship.
Mercedes: Who said anything about sleeping? *mrawr!*
Jack: I sure didn't. Come over here and-
Stephen: *bursts into room!* JACK! JACK! We have to leave now!
Jack: But! But!
Stephen: Oh, hey Mercedes. 'Sup?
Jack: Um, Stephen, could it wait for *eyes Mercedes* two hours or so?
Stephen: No! It's big important spy business!
Jack: Fifteen minutes?
Stephen: Jack, I don't have time for you to get it on with this charming young woman.
Jack: *bristles* We were so NOT going to get it on! The very idea-!
Stephen: Right. Let go.
Jack: Um, but- *helpless* Bye, Mercedes. Maybe in another ten years-
Stephen: YOINK! *grabs Jack out of room*
Jack: WAAAAAAH! I was gonna get some! SOME, STEPHEN!
Stephen: I thought you said you weren't.
Jack: Oh. Right. *sulkpoutsnit*
Poor, poor Jack. He never gets *any*.