Iya na yatsu by Konohara Narise
I spent the day reading various downloaded BL novels (as usual). Several of them were run of the mill stuff, but two just...left very strong impressions on me. One was a wonderful heartwarming story that I do want to relate at a later point, but the other...I can't say I enjoyed it. I was compelled to read it, even though the characters weren't exactly likable and the end left a terrible bitter aftertaste. It was only after I looked the book up online that I was astounded to find out that the author had written an absolutely delightful book I had recently purchased and ADORED that I will at some point post about (I just have to do the scanning and the write up), and that the author wrote a series that I had heard about quite a lot about and was highly recommended but hadn't ever read because I heard it was a painful read. I can totally believe it, after reading Iya na yatsu.
The story is about Sugimoto Kazuya and Miura Keiichi. The story begins with Kazuya going to visit Miura in the hospital. They hadn't seen each other in over ten years. They had met in elementary school when Kazuya had transferred to the small rural school that Miura was at. Miura was a violent, unpredictable child, and Kazuya had been afraid of him. He disliked him, but for some reason Miura was drawn to him. Kazuya, afraid of Miura's reaction if he wasn't friendly, pretended to be friends with him until middle school. He had planned on trying for a very good high school that he figured Miura wouldn't be able to get into in a million years to get away from him. But when Miura had found out what school he wanted to go to, he decided to try as well. Even as he scorned Miura's delusion, outwardly he offered to help him study and was very supportive. But his plans come to naught when Miura actually manages to get into the high school, and he finds his escape route cut off. He then finds out his mother was planning on remarrying and moving. Finding another escape route opened up to him, he insists on moving with her and her husband and not going to the high school he got into. He moves away, only telling one friend his new address and making him swear not to tell anyone. The years passed and he was a teacher at a high school. He had been in contact with the one friend he had given his information to, and one day the friend tells him to visit Miura in the hospital. I can't quite remember why Kazuya agrees, but he does. He goes back to the village he had spent his childhood in. The friend, as he drives Kazuya to the hospital, fills Kazuya in on Miura's life. It kind of sucked....a lot. Kazuya also finds out that Miura had found out that Kazuya had given his address to that one friend and had told him not to tell anyone years ago. Kazuya figured he was going to get yelled at by Miura for being a terrible deceiving person who left him behind. Instead, Miura is friendly and considerate. Kazuya, feeling like crap, tries to apologize and excuse not telling him his new address. Miura interrupts him tries to continue a normal conversation. Kazuya ends up breaking down.
After Miura gets out of the hospital, he can't work at his former job that required physical labor. He comes out to the city and bums over at Kazuya's apartment while looking for a new job. Kazuya is not happy about the situation, but ends up letting him stay....Erg...and I don't really want to summarize the entire story at this point, but most of the novel consists of Miura clinging to Kazuya desperately and persistently while Kazuya keeps desperately wanting Miura to go away. At one point he jokingly tells Miura that he'll live with him if Miura buys a place for them to live in. Imagine his shock when Miura does buy an apartment. He had "promised" so he unwillingly moves in. It's kind of a tug of war, with Kazuya hating the situation, hating Miura, hating that he can't make Miura go away, and Miura just clinging to Kazuya and being terribly inconsiderate and pushy. Kazuya is a selfish, deceiving, hypocritical guy concerned with appearances. Miura is inconsiderate and shameless and even though he knows Kazuya actually hates his guts just won't go away. Throughout most of the novel there's the implication that Miura sees Kazuya as more than a "friend"(there's this insane conversation where Miura wishes they had been a guy and a girl, because he'd have made Kazuya "his" by any means necessary, and completely ignoring Kazuya's objections, dreamily says he'd have taken care of and treasured Kazuya and "definitely" made him happy) but nothing much happens in that department until the end. I'm not sure what turned Miura's switch on, but he assaults Kazuya and forces himself on him. They end up continuing a sexual relationship because Kazuya just doesn't know how to get out of the situation. Because of Miura's persistence Kazuya finds himself just giving in because it's easier. Miura wants Kazuya to be nice to him like he used to be, but knows full well that Kazuya hates him. So he seeks Kazuya's body, which responds to him in a way that Kazuya's heart and mind, which completely rejects him, never will. At the end of the novel, Miura has to be hospitalized for a while (his illness is chronic). Kazuya is relieved to be able to get away from Miura even for a while, but finds himself sort of missing Miura's constant presence and warmth. Miura is worried that Kazuya will run away and constantly calls him. At the end he calls Kazuya to tell him he'll likely be able to get out in a week, once again being hurt at Kazuya's non-response. He ponders their impossible situation, with this last sentence:
He didn't know if these feelings were just attachment or love. The one thing that was clear was his own heart that cried out that it wanted to be near him.
....
I don't think I did the novel any kind of justice in my messed up summary/explanation, but it's amazing how compelling the actual narrative was. It was frustrating because both Kazuya and Miura are tragically flawed and horribly bad for each other. As much as Miura can't help but want to be with Kazuya, Kazuya truly wants to be away from Miura. It's not one of those BL cliches in which rejection is actually a hidden desire. Oh no. Kazuya really absolutely hates Miura. When I first got through the novel, I felt terribly sorry for Miura because of his eternally unrequited love and thought Kazuya (who is actually the main character) was the "iya na yatsu" (unpleasant/disagreeable fellow) of the title. Because if he could even sort of like Miura things wouldn't be so awful between the two. But...Miura is just as much an "iya na yatsu" as Kazuya. He comes to know full well that Kazuya hates his guts and wishes he were dead at times, but just won't go away.
I suppose we are conditioned to feel sympathy for a love that just won't die, but if it's not welcomed it's just as bad as a hate that just won't soften. Kazuya hates Miura, and that never ever changes. How is that worse or better than Miura's attachment to Kazuya? It was an interesting realization for me, since I'm used to the idea that love is the ultimate excuse (like how you have all those stupid rape situations in BL that's made okay because there was love there).
I do want to find a copy of this book and buy it (unfortunately it is out of print). For the most part I like escapist novels that don't make me feel totally depressed at the end, but this one...was such a powerful portrayal it makes me want to reread it again and again. I don't get it, because I don't see any kind of happiness ever coming to these characters.
After the rape, Miura kisses the exhausted Kazuya. Kazuya unconsciously wraps his hands around Miura's neck and starts to squeeze. He doesn't actually go all the way and try to suffocate Miura, and Miura asks why he doesn't. Of course, Miura knows full well that Kazuya does things by halves and is pretty gutless when it comes down to it (unlike Miura who never does things by halves). I thought it was a good illustration of their situation.
I thought this also illustrated their situation well. Miura, afraid Kazuya was going to run away again, goes to Kazuya's school. It results in a chase. Miura is emotional and forceful, and Kazuya is resigned and cold.
The utterly depressing last illustration that is on the page opposite the very last page. Miura standing in front of the public telephone after having called Kazuya.
One interesting thing was that this story had actually been written as a doujinshi series by the author, and was published commercially only later. I knew of manga that had originally been doujinshi that was later commercially published, but this was the first novel I came across of this kind.
The story is about Sugimoto Kazuya and Miura Keiichi. The story begins with Kazuya going to visit Miura in the hospital. They hadn't seen each other in over ten years. They had met in elementary school when Kazuya had transferred to the small rural school that Miura was at. Miura was a violent, unpredictable child, and Kazuya had been afraid of him. He disliked him, but for some reason Miura was drawn to him. Kazuya, afraid of Miura's reaction if he wasn't friendly, pretended to be friends with him until middle school. He had planned on trying for a very good high school that he figured Miura wouldn't be able to get into in a million years to get away from him. But when Miura had found out what school he wanted to go to, he decided to try as well. Even as he scorned Miura's delusion, outwardly he offered to help him study and was very supportive. But his plans come to naught when Miura actually manages to get into the high school, and he finds his escape route cut off. He then finds out his mother was planning on remarrying and moving. Finding another escape route opened up to him, he insists on moving with her and her husband and not going to the high school he got into. He moves away, only telling one friend his new address and making him swear not to tell anyone. The years passed and he was a teacher at a high school. He had been in contact with the one friend he had given his information to, and one day the friend tells him to visit Miura in the hospital. I can't quite remember why Kazuya agrees, but he does. He goes back to the village he had spent his childhood in. The friend, as he drives Kazuya to the hospital, fills Kazuya in on Miura's life. It kind of sucked....a lot. Kazuya also finds out that Miura had found out that Kazuya had given his address to that one friend and had told him not to tell anyone years ago. Kazuya figured he was going to get yelled at by Miura for being a terrible deceiving person who left him behind. Instead, Miura is friendly and considerate. Kazuya, feeling like crap, tries to apologize and excuse not telling him his new address. Miura interrupts him tries to continue a normal conversation. Kazuya ends up breaking down.
After Miura gets out of the hospital, he can't work at his former job that required physical labor. He comes out to the city and bums over at Kazuya's apartment while looking for a new job. Kazuya is not happy about the situation, but ends up letting him stay....Erg...and I don't really want to summarize the entire story at this point, but most of the novel consists of Miura clinging to Kazuya desperately and persistently while Kazuya keeps desperately wanting Miura to go away. At one point he jokingly tells Miura that he'll live with him if Miura buys a place for them to live in. Imagine his shock when Miura does buy an apartment. He had "promised" so he unwillingly moves in. It's kind of a tug of war, with Kazuya hating the situation, hating Miura, hating that he can't make Miura go away, and Miura just clinging to Kazuya and being terribly inconsiderate and pushy. Kazuya is a selfish, deceiving, hypocritical guy concerned with appearances. Miura is inconsiderate and shameless and even though he knows Kazuya actually hates his guts just won't go away. Throughout most of the novel there's the implication that Miura sees Kazuya as more than a "friend"(there's this insane conversation where Miura wishes they had been a guy and a girl, because he'd have made Kazuya "his" by any means necessary, and completely ignoring Kazuya's objections, dreamily says he'd have taken care of and treasured Kazuya and "definitely" made him happy) but nothing much happens in that department until the end. I'm not sure what turned Miura's switch on, but he assaults Kazuya and forces himself on him. They end up continuing a sexual relationship because Kazuya just doesn't know how to get out of the situation. Because of Miura's persistence Kazuya finds himself just giving in because it's easier. Miura wants Kazuya to be nice to him like he used to be, but knows full well that Kazuya hates him. So he seeks Kazuya's body, which responds to him in a way that Kazuya's heart and mind, which completely rejects him, never will. At the end of the novel, Miura has to be hospitalized for a while (his illness is chronic). Kazuya is relieved to be able to get away from Miura even for a while, but finds himself sort of missing Miura's constant presence and warmth. Miura is worried that Kazuya will run away and constantly calls him. At the end he calls Kazuya to tell him he'll likely be able to get out in a week, once again being hurt at Kazuya's non-response. He ponders their impossible situation, with this last sentence:
He didn't know if these feelings were just attachment or love. The one thing that was clear was his own heart that cried out that it wanted to be near him.
....
I don't think I did the novel any kind of justice in my messed up summary/explanation, but it's amazing how compelling the actual narrative was. It was frustrating because both Kazuya and Miura are tragically flawed and horribly bad for each other. As much as Miura can't help but want to be with Kazuya, Kazuya truly wants to be away from Miura. It's not one of those BL cliches in which rejection is actually a hidden desire. Oh no. Kazuya really absolutely hates Miura. When I first got through the novel, I felt terribly sorry for Miura because of his eternally unrequited love and thought Kazuya (who is actually the main character) was the "iya na yatsu" (unpleasant/disagreeable fellow) of the title. Because if he could even sort of like Miura things wouldn't be so awful between the two. But...Miura is just as much an "iya na yatsu" as Kazuya. He comes to know full well that Kazuya hates his guts and wishes he were dead at times, but just won't go away.
I suppose we are conditioned to feel sympathy for a love that just won't die, but if it's not welcomed it's just as bad as a hate that just won't soften. Kazuya hates Miura, and that never ever changes. How is that worse or better than Miura's attachment to Kazuya? It was an interesting realization for me, since I'm used to the idea that love is the ultimate excuse (like how you have all those stupid rape situations in BL that's made okay because there was love there).
I do want to find a copy of this book and buy it (unfortunately it is out of print). For the most part I like escapist novels that don't make me feel totally depressed at the end, but this one...was such a powerful portrayal it makes me want to reread it again and again. I don't get it, because I don't see any kind of happiness ever coming to these characters.
After the rape, Miura kisses the exhausted Kazuya. Kazuya unconsciously wraps his hands around Miura's neck and starts to squeeze. He doesn't actually go all the way and try to suffocate Miura, and Miura asks why he doesn't. Of course, Miura knows full well that Kazuya does things by halves and is pretty gutless when it comes down to it (unlike Miura who never does things by halves). I thought it was a good illustration of their situation.
I thought this also illustrated their situation well. Miura, afraid Kazuya was going to run away again, goes to Kazuya's school. It results in a chase. Miura is emotional and forceful, and Kazuya is resigned and cold.
The utterly depressing last illustration that is on the page opposite the very last page. Miura standing in front of the public telephone after having called Kazuya.
One interesting thing was that this story had actually been written as a doujinshi series by the author, and was published commercially only later. I knew of manga that had originally been doujinshi that was later commercially published, but this was the first novel I came across of this kind.