The Third Third 4/10+
Title: The Third Third 4/10+
Author: insane_songbird
Pairing: J2
Rating: R
Words: ~4.300
Warnings: Violence (Hello, it’s Ice Hockey!), Language, NC17 later-on (that means sex, people!)
Disclaimer: Slavery is bad... It’s a lie, all of it.
Summary: Being a Texas boy Jared Padalecki couldn’t care less about ice hockey. So Jared is slightly lost, when his new roommate Chad is the biggest fan on campus. But when he gets to tutor the most infamous player of the college team, things start to get downright scary. Jensen Ackles has a reputation for aggression control problems and Jared has no idea how to get through the semester without either falling for the handsome man or ending up in a fistfight he’d be sure to lose.
Master Post
Thanks to my kitty mangacat201 , who finally reemerged from her vacation, also thanks to candygramme for her awesomeness and betaing. Thanks also to magikalrhiannon , whose advice flowed into this chapter at several points, and envious_ema who made this happen. I love you guys to bits.
previous part
Part Four
Jensen was sick and it sucked. It had started out at the end of the last week and had gotten only worse over the weekend. When he came to practice on Monday Coach Morgan took one look at his miserable state and excluded him from training. Jensen had protested, but the coach wouldn’t have any of it. Jensen didn’t argue once he got THE look from the man in charge and sat down on the bench, not needing to change into his gear, waiting for his teammates to emerge from the locker room.
Jensen was one of the few players who knew how to recognize THE look. It was the perfect moment in a discussion to stop arguing and just do as the coach said, or the consequences would be dreadful. This was a lesson Jensen had learned even before he had really started on the team.
When Jensen was a kid his family moved a lot. His dad was in the navy, and they would change states and sometimes even continents at least every two years. When Jensen was eight he told his dad that it sucked, and that he didn’t want to move anymore. His dad had told him that it was part of his job, and he wouldn’t leave his family to wait for him. Jensen pouted and started crying, because he was sick of having to find new friends - sometimes not even six months after making the last lot.
Alan Ackles had pulled out a handkerchief and wiped away his son’s snot. Then he had given him advice Jensen would never forget. He'd told his kid that the easiest way to make new friends was by joining a team.
When they moved again, Jensen enrolled in the neighborhood softball team within three days, before he had even unpacked all of his clothes. He had made friends through the sport far easier than he ever had in school. That’s when Jensen decided his dad’s words had been good advice. Of course they moved again and again, Jensen joining whatever was the ruling sport around the area, not really caring what type of team sport he learned but always needing a team to belong to. Then, when Jensen was ten, he ended up in what he thought must be Santa Claus’s forgotten broom shack. It was cold, and it was lonely, and the only sport the kids really cared for was ice hockey. Until then Jensen had never even stood on skates, but he took his dad’s advice very seriously and learned his way around the ice. He fell in love with the sport. Later on his family would move to Scandinavia for a while, then to Russia, and though Jensen hardly had the time to get fluent in any of those languages he would always play hockey.
While growing up there were three constants in his future. The first was his family, the second was hockey, and the third was the military. Jensen’s dad was in the Navy, and when his older brother graduated he joined and studied medicine with the Navy. That was what Jensen always expected he’d do as well.
Until he discovered he was gay. Granted, they didn’t ask anymore, and there was no discrimination officially. But the thought of the possible consequences still scared the teenage Jensen profoundly. Still, it was the only plan he had made for his life, ever, and he did not see any alternatives. His dad was not a high ranking officer or anything, and Josh would not have been able to afford medical school if he hadn’t enrolled for service. So Jensen decided that he could make it in the military, gay or not. All he had to do was keep a low profile.
The first time those plans were shaken was after a game in his senior year. They had rocked the ice, and Jensen was still buzzing with energy when he had been called out of the locker room by their school team’s coach. The coach had introduced him to two men who said they had been impressed by his play and wanted to know if he was interested in playing college hockey.
Jensen had been knocked off balance then. One of the two men had been Coach Morgan who decided that it might be a good idea to have a chat with the dazed Jensen in private. By the time they had found a quiet corner, Jensen was running scenarios in his head. For the first time he had an alternative to his military plans.
Jensen had immediately liked the older man. He was demanding in a way that Jensen was used to, growing up in a Navy household, but he was also easy going and emitted the kind of calm and self confidence that Jensen craved. The possibilities he offered were pushing Jensen off kilter, and the young man considered what that could mean for his life. If he got a scholarship he could go to college and get his degree without having to enroll for service, and that meant that he didn’t have to be afraid of discrimination in the military and could live as who he was as long as he made it through college.
In a leap of faith Jensen asked the coach if it would change his decision that Jensen was gay. That was the one time the coach had looked sincerely surprised, but it was the one question that burned on Jensen's soul. If he took this opportunity - if he threw away everything he had ever planned for himself - then it would be so he could be honest to himself and everyone else. The coach had given him a long look and told Jensen, that on his team there was no space for issues of race, religion or sexual orientation, and that he would kick anyone out who did not respect that, but that Jensen needed to be aware that being gay was going to be a big issue for some, and that he had to be prepared to get more checks than most and to be pushed harder and further than any straight guy. Jensen decided for himself that he could accept that if this was the price he had to pay. Once he had that degree, there was nothing to keep him from living the life he always wanted.
When Jensen told his parents he got a hockey scholarship for Massachusetts and would not join the family business, they were happier than he had expected. His mother cried with joy, and his dad gave him a big smile and a nod. Jensen was surprised that they weren’t disappointed, but he would not question his luck, especially since he had decided to tell them his reasons.
When he did so, his mother still cried, but now her brows were furrowed in a worried frown as she hugged him, scared of the path he had chosen. His dad had been quiet and left on an exercise for three weeks the next morning. When he returned he had told Jensen with a grim face that he had made a hard decision, but that it had been the right one. This time, it was Jensen’s turn to cry.
His dad and his brother respected what he was, but that did not mean they were comfortable with it. In their circles being gay was frowned upon at best… and Jensen was only content with the best. When his freshman year at college rolled around Jensen knew it was going to be a tough one, and he wasn’t disappointed. There were a few brawls with teammates, but the coach was hard in his punishments, and the animosities couldn’t last long. But soon word had spread to the teams they played, and things had taken their natural course.
In the beginning Jensen used to spend hours talking to Jeffrey; he was one of the few players allowed to use their coach’s given name, and by now he could handle things better, since nothing had really changed over the years.
Jensen watched the training and got up when the players went back to the lockers to get showered. “Jensen, come with me.”
Jensen knew there was no refusing the coach’s request, and he followed the man past the lockers and towards his office at the other end of the hall. When Jensen was inside Jeffrey closed the door behind him.
“How’re things, Jensen?”
Jensen shrugged and leaned against the wall. “I’m sick, but other than that I guess it's business as usual.”
The coach perched himself on the edge of his desk and scrutinized Jensen minutely. “Why didn’t you go back to your dorm then and sleep it off, instead of sitting in the cold stadium?”
Jensen shrugged again. “I didn’t wanna miss training,” he croaked and cleared his throat afterwards with a cough.
Jeffrey frowned at him. “Did you see a doctor?”
“This afternoon, but the meds didn’t kick in yet.” That earned him a disapproving look.
“Why did you come to training then? I can’t use you like this. You’d be wheezing like a drowned man after ten minutes. That’s what sudden heart failure is made of, Jensen. I can’t watch my players drop dead on the ice.” The coach’s reprimand was definite, but there was no anger behind his words, just honest concern. “What else is wrong?”
Jensen looked at the other man blankly. He couldn’t lie to Jeffrey, who had put up with all his angsty teenage shit when he had first joined the team. The coach could see through him like he was his own son, and he knew all the quips and quirks Jensen had ever had.
“C’mon, kid. I can see that you’ve not been having the best of years until now. Care to share it with your coach.”
Jensen shrugged and looked at his feet. “Not particularly.”
“Did anything change this year?” Sometimes Jeffrey’s insight was frightening to Jensen, who felt tears shoot into his already watery eyes.
“No.”
“Uhuh.”
“Nothing ever changes.” Jensen bit his lower lip, trying to keep a grip on his emotions. He knew he was terrible at keeping his feelings in check, and usually he had only two options when the frustrations set in: crying or aggression. Usually, on the field, he would choose the latter. Chris was pretty good at letting his anger flow off him as well; the man was a goddamn Zen-master. But where Jeffrey was concerned, Jensen tended to fall apart.
“And that’s what has you so riled up, son?”
Jensen pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I’m just being stupid. I knew what it would be like, and I should have known that thinking things could change would be futile. I shouldn’t have got my hopes up.” Up to this moment Jensen hadn’t even admitted to himself that he had raised his hopes for Jared, especially in the past week, but also before that when he had nursed his little straight-man-crush.
Now that he had said it, it screamed in his face just how pathetic that was. He had been alright with the way things were, with waiting on life until after he graduated. Now he had entertained the thought of maybe getting some of it beforehand, and it only made him miserable, feeling the pain of things he had cut out of his expectations a long while ago, and although the hurt was an old one it still stung like a fresh wound.
Jeffrey just stood quietly leaning on his desk, waiting for the tears to start falling. Jensen remembered their first talk like this. Jeff had given Jensen the heads up about what he was in for on the ice, and had given him the permission to repay every check he got. Jeffrey had given Jensen the possibility to protect himself, and Jensen had cried for the first time in his life while someone else was in the room.
“There’s nothing wrong with hope, Jensen.”
That’s when the tears started falling.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
"So, Jared…”
The person in question looked up from the notebook onto which he had been doodling cartoons about sad little puppies. “Huh?”
Sandy sat down in front of him with a mischievous grin and folded her hands in her lap, looking at him.
“Why don’t I like that look, Sandy?”
She gave him an innocent shrug and pursed her lips, trying to keep the grin from growing even wider. “What do you think of Milo?”
“Huh?” Yes, wasn’t he smooth?
“Milo.”
“Verti-whatever?”
She nodded with a sparkle in her eye. “What do you think of him?”
Jared stared at her trying to find out where this was going but drawing a blank. “Errr… I dunno. I only talked to him like twice?”
Her eyebrows rose, unbelievingly. “C’mon Jared, don’t you think he’s cute?”
“You dating him?”
She laughed and slapped his shoulder. “No, silly. You’re ears must be as non-functional as your gay-dar!” She rolled her eyes and leaned forwards over the table, lowering her voice. “He broke up with his boyfriend last month.”
“Oh.” Suddenly Jared knew exactly where this was going.
“I just met him in the library and he asked where you were… I promised him to tell you he said ‘Hi’.”
“Oh!” Jared took a deep breath and tried to scrape together every bit of intel he could remember about the dark haired Greek. “Wow.”
“So?”
Jared stared at her, lost for words. He REALLY needed to find some overnight service in the yellow pages that specialized in gay-dar repairs.
“So what?” Sophia had turned up at their table, Chad in tow, and they made a show of sharing a chair with Chad actually sitting on the chair, and Sophia perching sideways on Chad’s knees.
Sandy grinned at her. “I was just trying to see if Jared was interested in dating Milo.”
Chad laughed while Sophia whooped at the news. “Oh yes, I saw how Milo checked you out last week… considering the eyebrow action, he fully approved of your ass, Jared.”
“Eww,” was Chad’s only reaction.
Jared shrugged. “I dunno. He’s kinda cute, but don’t you think him a little too wiry?”
Chad had the decency to splutter the water he had just been drinking to his side to avoid spraying his girlfriend with it. She wrinkled her nose in dislike.
“DUDE, how about some kind of warning, before dropping THAT bomb!”
Jared frowned at him, joined by the girls. “What bomb?”
Chad’s mouth hang open for a long while. “The by-the-way-your-roommate-is-gay bomb!” Chad emphasized his sentence with an uncoordinated flailing of gestures.
Sandy and Sophia started to laugh, and Jared just stared at his friend. “I thought you knew… I mean Sophia knew right away, so how could you NOT know?”
Chad gave his girlfriend a look that spoke of betrayal. She just giggled before kissing him on the nose. “Sorry, darling, I thought it was obvious.”
“Traitor.” Chad started to pout, and Sophia petted his hair looking like she was soothing a four year old.
Jared took a deep breath and steeled himself for what might come. Rubbing the back of his neck, he cleared his throat before saying, “I hope that’s not a problem for you…”
Chad answered that with an incredulous look. “No, Jay. That’s not it! I just would have preferred to be informed of this earlier.” A moment later Chad added as an afterthought, accompanied by a shit-eating grin, “If you pinch my ass I will pimp you out to Milo.”
Jared laughed, promising his friend good-naturedly that THAT was most definitely not going to be a problem.
After a moment of laughter, Chad’s face lit in understanding, and he turned to Sophia. “So that’s why things with Jensen are so difficult.”
Sophia punched her boyfriend hard on the arm, telling him what an insensitive prick he was, and Sandy called him a douche once more. Jared just ducked his head. Of course even Mr. Slow-on-the-uptake Murray would know that being gay did nothing to maneuver Jared into the hockey jock’s good graces.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
To Jensen’s - and Jeff’s - relief the cold he had caught after their game in Boston was quickly dealt with, once the medication had kicked in. Still the coach wouldn’t let him train fully until he was finished taking his antibiotics. The team was lucky that he was fully recovered just in time for the hot-training phase before their next game came around. After their painful defeat against Boston the regime was set tight in advance of the coming game, and that meant daily extra hours in the afternoon once more.
When Jensen dropped by Jared’s lunch table to tell him he couldn’t attend their sessions once more, and he’d have essays on the topics done as soon as the game was over, the two girls who sat with the tall man sized him up pretty thoroughly. It made Jensen wonder if Jared had told them about the awfully pathetic round of flirting Jensen had pulled a while ago. The thought made him feel mightily uncomfortable, and he excused himself quickly to get away from the scrutinizing eyes of the two brunettes.
Thankfully Jensen didn’t have much time to worry whether Jared had told his girl-groupies about Jensen’s absolutely useless attempt at a pick-up. Coach Morgan had them working for long, hard hours, and Jensen usually hit the pillows early, heavy as a soaked though bag of sand, sleeping dreamlessly until the morning.
Chris had to kick him awake when his sister called in the middle of the night mixing up the time difference between his time zone and middle European standard time.
She called him regularly every week, but half the time it would be at some completely socially incredible time of the day. One would have thought that years of living in different countries and continents might have made her learn the time zones by heart. Maybe it had, but she just didn’t bother. Of her two brothers, Mackenzie got along best with Jensen for several reasons. Although she was still a teenager, the age difference between the two was still a lot smaller than to their oldest brother, and, when it came to teenage girl problems, a gay brother at college - even if he was a hockey jock - was a lot better than a straight Navy physician, who might be there to save lives, but still knew perfectly well how to use a gun.
During the last two night-calls, Jensen’s sister had talked about whatever was weighing on her mind, asked Jensen if he had found himself a boyfriend and told him that he sounded like a grumpy zombie, and she’d hang up now, so he could catch up on his beauty sleep.
The last two days before the game they still trained intensively but finished up early enough, so the players could sleep and recreate. So, when the day of their next game came around Jensen didn’t feel quite as chewed out as he had earlier that week, and his body found the energy to get all squirrelly as they stood in full gear like gladiators waiting for their turn to enter the arena.
Jensen had ambivalent feelings towards the opening procedures of the matches. He always felt strange when hundreds of eyes were trained on him while the moderator shouted out his name to the crowd, and the masses of bodies would roar their answer. Sometimes he just wanted to hide in his jersey, so low that they would only see his helmet resting on the collar of his shirt. But there were games where the cheery boom of voices shouting his name almost carried him out of the rink, because it made him feel so light.
Today it was the former, and Jensen made sure to keep his head down and his eyes on the pitch as he sped along the ice on his skates with smooth movements before coming to an abrupt halt next to Tom, ice-dust spraying under his blades.
When the game started Jensen was in his element, gliding from one end of the court to the other, meandering around other players and hooking the puck towards the other teams goal. The game was business as usual, Jensen found himself flattened against the boards a couple of times, the air pressed from his lungs by the weight and speed of another man’s body, but he always managed to stay on his feet. After over a decade of playing hockey and a few years of playing extra-heavy, get-bashed college games, Jensen recovered from the usual blows really fast, not losing a heartbeat of concentration on the game.
Of course that didn’t stop the blow itself from shaking his bones or hurting, although his padding caught the worst of it. After three mean tackles by different players, Jensen was rather thankful when the field players rotated again, and he jumped the rail to take his seat on the bank next to his teammates. In passing, Jeff gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. Jensen nodded silently.
In the second period Jensen started his little retaliation. It was his normal M.O. After the second player who had flattened him against the glass in the first period had been checked with all the satisfaction Jensen took from the action, things went to hell. Within the next five minutes he got hit four times, three of them by one and the same player. After the third time Jensen had to grab the rail for support, but the other player had earned himself two minutes out, because Jensen hadn’t even been near the puck in any way.
When the player, Wilson, got back in the game, Jensen took his first opportunity to pay him back and ran the guy over as he was carrying the puck into the zone. It was a hard hit, and they both went down for the lack of the boards, since they were in the middle of the pitch. Jensen slithered a few feet before getting back to his feet. They were regrouping, - Jensen was a little stunned that the referee did not call a penalty on him for this one - and Jensen was sliding fast towards the left side of the court when he was hit hard in the shoulder and had to grab at the boards, so he wouldn’t land face down on the ice.
“If you pull shit like that again, faggot, I’ll rip your ass so wide open that your boyfriend can hide in it!”
Jensen turned, rage, his old acquaintance, bubbling up in the back of his throat. He shoved Wilson away violently. “You wanna see a fag? Suck my cock, bitch! I’ll hold the mirror for you.”
Wilson seemed to be the barking, not the biting kind. His face turned a violent red, but he didn’t make a move. Jensen only smiled and made a kissy face towards him before turning with a wink, leaving him to stand there and steam.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
Jared stood next to Chad in pretty much the same place he had watched the first game of the season. By now he could claim to know how ice hockey worked, and he watched at least half of the game in between watching Jensen. This time he was sure that Jensen got checked and pushed about more frequently than the rest of the team, but then Jared knew Jensen’s prepossessing persona, and he could easily believe that the guy had made a lot of enemies in the earlier seasons he had played for their team.
But in the second period even Jared thought that the other team was going too far, especially this one player called Wilson, who earned a series of really ugly nicknames out of Chad’s always working mouth. Jared, for once, could only agree. Of course Jensen couldn’t let this kind of thing go and had to charge him as soon as the rules allowed him to. Jared cringed at the impact but was rather relieved as Jensen got up fast after sliding over the ice for a moment.
But the relief turned into dread as the other player regained his footing and went after Jensen immediately, shoving the man from behind, making him struggle to keep from falling.
Jared was sure there were hateful words being exchanged, and Jensen shoved the other man off him. Wilson was a little above eye level for Jensen, and Jared wondered why it had to be only those taller than the other man who thought they could take him.
Jared let out a breath as he saw Jensen turn and move away, actually surprised that the unstable young man would do the most sensible thing and do as they'd been told in kindergarten, when the teachers would explain that the better person was the one walking away. Jared was still so engrossed in his thoughts that he hardly saw Wilson’s face contort in rage, before the man brought up his stick and swung it at Jensen’s head. The wood connected with the helmet, and Jared could hear the crack as it splintered into pieces. Jensen’s head was thrown to one side, and his knees hit the ice, before he lay face down on the rink.
Jared screamed out his shock along with the hundreds of fans around him. He could hear Chris yell in horror and saw their team’s coach jump the rail, followed by some of the other players, hurrying across the ice to where Jensen had fallen in a heap surrounded by splintered wood.
…next part…
Okay... I bet you have a lot to me since this was such a mean ending... I really have a thing for Cliffhangers *g*. So you can tell me how much you hate me for this by giving me FEEDBACK, please
Author: insane_songbird
Pairing: J2
Rating: R
Words: ~4.300
Warnings: Violence (Hello, it’s Ice Hockey!), Language, NC17 later-on (that means sex, people!)
Disclaimer: Slavery is bad... It’s a lie, all of it.
Summary: Being a Texas boy Jared Padalecki couldn’t care less about ice hockey. So Jared is slightly lost, when his new roommate Chad is the biggest fan on campus. But when he gets to tutor the most infamous player of the college team, things start to get downright scary. Jensen Ackles has a reputation for aggression control problems and Jared has no idea how to get through the semester without either falling for the handsome man or ending up in a fistfight he’d be sure to lose.
Master Post
Thanks to my kitty mangacat201 , who finally reemerged from her vacation, also thanks to candygramme for her awesomeness and betaing. Thanks also to magikalrhiannon , whose advice flowed into this chapter at several points, and envious_ema who made this happen. I love you guys to bits.
previous part
Part Four
Jensen was sick and it sucked. It had started out at the end of the last week and had gotten only worse over the weekend. When he came to practice on Monday Coach Morgan took one look at his miserable state and excluded him from training. Jensen had protested, but the coach wouldn’t have any of it. Jensen didn’t argue once he got THE look from the man in charge and sat down on the bench, not needing to change into his gear, waiting for his teammates to emerge from the locker room.
Jensen was one of the few players who knew how to recognize THE look. It was the perfect moment in a discussion to stop arguing and just do as the coach said, or the consequences would be dreadful. This was a lesson Jensen had learned even before he had really started on the team.
When Jensen was a kid his family moved a lot. His dad was in the navy, and they would change states and sometimes even continents at least every two years. When Jensen was eight he told his dad that it sucked, and that he didn’t want to move anymore. His dad had told him that it was part of his job, and he wouldn’t leave his family to wait for him. Jensen pouted and started crying, because he was sick of having to find new friends - sometimes not even six months after making the last lot.
Alan Ackles had pulled out a handkerchief and wiped away his son’s snot. Then he had given him advice Jensen would never forget. He'd told his kid that the easiest way to make new friends was by joining a team.
When they moved again, Jensen enrolled in the neighborhood softball team within three days, before he had even unpacked all of his clothes. He had made friends through the sport far easier than he ever had in school. That’s when Jensen decided his dad’s words had been good advice. Of course they moved again and again, Jensen joining whatever was the ruling sport around the area, not really caring what type of team sport he learned but always needing a team to belong to. Then, when Jensen was ten, he ended up in what he thought must be Santa Claus’s forgotten broom shack. It was cold, and it was lonely, and the only sport the kids really cared for was ice hockey. Until then Jensen had never even stood on skates, but he took his dad’s advice very seriously and learned his way around the ice. He fell in love with the sport. Later on his family would move to Scandinavia for a while, then to Russia, and though Jensen hardly had the time to get fluent in any of those languages he would always play hockey.
While growing up there were three constants in his future. The first was his family, the second was hockey, and the third was the military. Jensen’s dad was in the Navy, and when his older brother graduated he joined and studied medicine with the Navy. That was what Jensen always expected he’d do as well.
Until he discovered he was gay. Granted, they didn’t ask anymore, and there was no discrimination officially. But the thought of the possible consequences still scared the teenage Jensen profoundly. Still, it was the only plan he had made for his life, ever, and he did not see any alternatives. His dad was not a high ranking officer or anything, and Josh would not have been able to afford medical school if he hadn’t enrolled for service. So Jensen decided that he could make it in the military, gay or not. All he had to do was keep a low profile.
The first time those plans were shaken was after a game in his senior year. They had rocked the ice, and Jensen was still buzzing with energy when he had been called out of the locker room by their school team’s coach. The coach had introduced him to two men who said they had been impressed by his play and wanted to know if he was interested in playing college hockey.
Jensen had been knocked off balance then. One of the two men had been Coach Morgan who decided that it might be a good idea to have a chat with the dazed Jensen in private. By the time they had found a quiet corner, Jensen was running scenarios in his head. For the first time he had an alternative to his military plans.
Jensen had immediately liked the older man. He was demanding in a way that Jensen was used to, growing up in a Navy household, but he was also easy going and emitted the kind of calm and self confidence that Jensen craved. The possibilities he offered were pushing Jensen off kilter, and the young man considered what that could mean for his life. If he got a scholarship he could go to college and get his degree without having to enroll for service, and that meant that he didn’t have to be afraid of discrimination in the military and could live as who he was as long as he made it through college.
In a leap of faith Jensen asked the coach if it would change his decision that Jensen was gay. That was the one time the coach had looked sincerely surprised, but it was the one question that burned on Jensen's soul. If he took this opportunity - if he threw away everything he had ever planned for himself - then it would be so he could be honest to himself and everyone else. The coach had given him a long look and told Jensen, that on his team there was no space for issues of race, religion or sexual orientation, and that he would kick anyone out who did not respect that, but that Jensen needed to be aware that being gay was going to be a big issue for some, and that he had to be prepared to get more checks than most and to be pushed harder and further than any straight guy. Jensen decided for himself that he could accept that if this was the price he had to pay. Once he had that degree, there was nothing to keep him from living the life he always wanted.
When Jensen told his parents he got a hockey scholarship for Massachusetts and would not join the family business, they were happier than he had expected. His mother cried with joy, and his dad gave him a big smile and a nod. Jensen was surprised that they weren’t disappointed, but he would not question his luck, especially since he had decided to tell them his reasons.
When he did so, his mother still cried, but now her brows were furrowed in a worried frown as she hugged him, scared of the path he had chosen. His dad had been quiet and left on an exercise for three weeks the next morning. When he returned he had told Jensen with a grim face that he had made a hard decision, but that it had been the right one. This time, it was Jensen’s turn to cry.
His dad and his brother respected what he was, but that did not mean they were comfortable with it. In their circles being gay was frowned upon at best… and Jensen was only content with the best. When his freshman year at college rolled around Jensen knew it was going to be a tough one, and he wasn’t disappointed. There were a few brawls with teammates, but the coach was hard in his punishments, and the animosities couldn’t last long. But soon word had spread to the teams they played, and things had taken their natural course.
In the beginning Jensen used to spend hours talking to Jeffrey; he was one of the few players allowed to use their coach’s given name, and by now he could handle things better, since nothing had really changed over the years.
Jensen watched the training and got up when the players went back to the lockers to get showered. “Jensen, come with me.”
Jensen knew there was no refusing the coach’s request, and he followed the man past the lockers and towards his office at the other end of the hall. When Jensen was inside Jeffrey closed the door behind him.
“How’re things, Jensen?”
Jensen shrugged and leaned against the wall. “I’m sick, but other than that I guess it's business as usual.”
The coach perched himself on the edge of his desk and scrutinized Jensen minutely. “Why didn’t you go back to your dorm then and sleep it off, instead of sitting in the cold stadium?”
Jensen shrugged again. “I didn’t wanna miss training,” he croaked and cleared his throat afterwards with a cough.
Jeffrey frowned at him. “Did you see a doctor?”
“This afternoon, but the meds didn’t kick in yet.” That earned him a disapproving look.
“Why did you come to training then? I can’t use you like this. You’d be wheezing like a drowned man after ten minutes. That’s what sudden heart failure is made of, Jensen. I can’t watch my players drop dead on the ice.” The coach’s reprimand was definite, but there was no anger behind his words, just honest concern. “What else is wrong?”
Jensen looked at the other man blankly. He couldn’t lie to Jeffrey, who had put up with all his angsty teenage shit when he had first joined the team. The coach could see through him like he was his own son, and he knew all the quips and quirks Jensen had ever had.
“C’mon, kid. I can see that you’ve not been having the best of years until now. Care to share it with your coach.”
Jensen shrugged and looked at his feet. “Not particularly.”
“Did anything change this year?” Sometimes Jeffrey’s insight was frightening to Jensen, who felt tears shoot into his already watery eyes.
“No.”
“Uhuh.”
“Nothing ever changes.” Jensen bit his lower lip, trying to keep a grip on his emotions. He knew he was terrible at keeping his feelings in check, and usually he had only two options when the frustrations set in: crying or aggression. Usually, on the field, he would choose the latter. Chris was pretty good at letting his anger flow off him as well; the man was a goddamn Zen-master. But where Jeffrey was concerned, Jensen tended to fall apart.
“And that’s what has you so riled up, son?”
Jensen pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I’m just being stupid. I knew what it would be like, and I should have known that thinking things could change would be futile. I shouldn’t have got my hopes up.” Up to this moment Jensen hadn’t even admitted to himself that he had raised his hopes for Jared, especially in the past week, but also before that when he had nursed his little straight-man-crush.
Now that he had said it, it screamed in his face just how pathetic that was. He had been alright with the way things were, with waiting on life until after he graduated. Now he had entertained the thought of maybe getting some of it beforehand, and it only made him miserable, feeling the pain of things he had cut out of his expectations a long while ago, and although the hurt was an old one it still stung like a fresh wound.
Jeffrey just stood quietly leaning on his desk, waiting for the tears to start falling. Jensen remembered their first talk like this. Jeff had given Jensen the heads up about what he was in for on the ice, and had given him the permission to repay every check he got. Jeffrey had given Jensen the possibility to protect himself, and Jensen had cried for the first time in his life while someone else was in the room.
“There’s nothing wrong with hope, Jensen.”
That’s when the tears started falling.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
"So, Jared…”
The person in question looked up from the notebook onto which he had been doodling cartoons about sad little puppies. “Huh?”
Sandy sat down in front of him with a mischievous grin and folded her hands in her lap, looking at him.
“Why don’t I like that look, Sandy?”
She gave him an innocent shrug and pursed her lips, trying to keep the grin from growing even wider. “What do you think of Milo?”
“Huh?” Yes, wasn’t he smooth?
“Milo.”
“Verti-whatever?”
She nodded with a sparkle in her eye. “What do you think of him?”
Jared stared at her trying to find out where this was going but drawing a blank. “Errr… I dunno. I only talked to him like twice?”
Her eyebrows rose, unbelievingly. “C’mon Jared, don’t you think he’s cute?”
“You dating him?”
She laughed and slapped his shoulder. “No, silly. You’re ears must be as non-functional as your gay-dar!” She rolled her eyes and leaned forwards over the table, lowering her voice. “He broke up with his boyfriend last month.”
“Oh.” Suddenly Jared knew exactly where this was going.
“I just met him in the library and he asked where you were… I promised him to tell you he said ‘Hi’.”
“Oh!” Jared took a deep breath and tried to scrape together every bit of intel he could remember about the dark haired Greek. “Wow.”
“So?”
Jared stared at her, lost for words. He REALLY needed to find some overnight service in the yellow pages that specialized in gay-dar repairs.
“So what?” Sophia had turned up at their table, Chad in tow, and they made a show of sharing a chair with Chad actually sitting on the chair, and Sophia perching sideways on Chad’s knees.
Sandy grinned at her. “I was just trying to see if Jared was interested in dating Milo.”
Chad laughed while Sophia whooped at the news. “Oh yes, I saw how Milo checked you out last week… considering the eyebrow action, he fully approved of your ass, Jared.”
“Eww,” was Chad’s only reaction.
Jared shrugged. “I dunno. He’s kinda cute, but don’t you think him a little too wiry?”
Chad had the decency to splutter the water he had just been drinking to his side to avoid spraying his girlfriend with it. She wrinkled her nose in dislike.
“DUDE, how about some kind of warning, before dropping THAT bomb!”
Jared frowned at him, joined by the girls. “What bomb?”
Chad’s mouth hang open for a long while. “The by-the-way-your-roommate-is-gay bomb!” Chad emphasized his sentence with an uncoordinated flailing of gestures.
Sandy and Sophia started to laugh, and Jared just stared at his friend. “I thought you knew… I mean Sophia knew right away, so how could you NOT know?”
Chad gave his girlfriend a look that spoke of betrayal. She just giggled before kissing him on the nose. “Sorry, darling, I thought it was obvious.”
“Traitor.” Chad started to pout, and Sophia petted his hair looking like she was soothing a four year old.
Jared took a deep breath and steeled himself for what might come. Rubbing the back of his neck, he cleared his throat before saying, “I hope that’s not a problem for you…”
Chad answered that with an incredulous look. “No, Jay. That’s not it! I just would have preferred to be informed of this earlier.” A moment later Chad added as an afterthought, accompanied by a shit-eating grin, “If you pinch my ass I will pimp you out to Milo.”
Jared laughed, promising his friend good-naturedly that THAT was most definitely not going to be a problem.
After a moment of laughter, Chad’s face lit in understanding, and he turned to Sophia. “So that’s why things with Jensen are so difficult.”
Sophia punched her boyfriend hard on the arm, telling him what an insensitive prick he was, and Sandy called him a douche once more. Jared just ducked his head. Of course even Mr. Slow-on-the-uptake Murray would know that being gay did nothing to maneuver Jared into the hockey jock’s good graces.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
To Jensen’s - and Jeff’s - relief the cold he had caught after their game in Boston was quickly dealt with, once the medication had kicked in. Still the coach wouldn’t let him train fully until he was finished taking his antibiotics. The team was lucky that he was fully recovered just in time for the hot-training phase before their next game came around. After their painful defeat against Boston the regime was set tight in advance of the coming game, and that meant daily extra hours in the afternoon once more.
When Jensen dropped by Jared’s lunch table to tell him he couldn’t attend their sessions once more, and he’d have essays on the topics done as soon as the game was over, the two girls who sat with the tall man sized him up pretty thoroughly. It made Jensen wonder if Jared had told them about the awfully pathetic round of flirting Jensen had pulled a while ago. The thought made him feel mightily uncomfortable, and he excused himself quickly to get away from the scrutinizing eyes of the two brunettes.
Thankfully Jensen didn’t have much time to worry whether Jared had told his girl-groupies about Jensen’s absolutely useless attempt at a pick-up. Coach Morgan had them working for long, hard hours, and Jensen usually hit the pillows early, heavy as a soaked though bag of sand, sleeping dreamlessly until the morning.
Chris had to kick him awake when his sister called in the middle of the night mixing up the time difference between his time zone and middle European standard time.
She called him regularly every week, but half the time it would be at some completely socially incredible time of the day. One would have thought that years of living in different countries and continents might have made her learn the time zones by heart. Maybe it had, but she just didn’t bother. Of her two brothers, Mackenzie got along best with Jensen for several reasons. Although she was still a teenager, the age difference between the two was still a lot smaller than to their oldest brother, and, when it came to teenage girl problems, a gay brother at college - even if he was a hockey jock - was a lot better than a straight Navy physician, who might be there to save lives, but still knew perfectly well how to use a gun.
During the last two night-calls, Jensen’s sister had talked about whatever was weighing on her mind, asked Jensen if he had found himself a boyfriend and told him that he sounded like a grumpy zombie, and she’d hang up now, so he could catch up on his beauty sleep.
The last two days before the game they still trained intensively but finished up early enough, so the players could sleep and recreate. So, when the day of their next game came around Jensen didn’t feel quite as chewed out as he had earlier that week, and his body found the energy to get all squirrelly as they stood in full gear like gladiators waiting for their turn to enter the arena.
Jensen had ambivalent feelings towards the opening procedures of the matches. He always felt strange when hundreds of eyes were trained on him while the moderator shouted out his name to the crowd, and the masses of bodies would roar their answer. Sometimes he just wanted to hide in his jersey, so low that they would only see his helmet resting on the collar of his shirt. But there were games where the cheery boom of voices shouting his name almost carried him out of the rink, because it made him feel so light.
Today it was the former, and Jensen made sure to keep his head down and his eyes on the pitch as he sped along the ice on his skates with smooth movements before coming to an abrupt halt next to Tom, ice-dust spraying under his blades.
When the game started Jensen was in his element, gliding from one end of the court to the other, meandering around other players and hooking the puck towards the other teams goal. The game was business as usual, Jensen found himself flattened against the boards a couple of times, the air pressed from his lungs by the weight and speed of another man’s body, but he always managed to stay on his feet. After over a decade of playing hockey and a few years of playing extra-heavy, get-bashed college games, Jensen recovered from the usual blows really fast, not losing a heartbeat of concentration on the game.
Of course that didn’t stop the blow itself from shaking his bones or hurting, although his padding caught the worst of it. After three mean tackles by different players, Jensen was rather thankful when the field players rotated again, and he jumped the rail to take his seat on the bank next to his teammates. In passing, Jeff gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. Jensen nodded silently.
In the second period Jensen started his little retaliation. It was his normal M.O. After the second player who had flattened him against the glass in the first period had been checked with all the satisfaction Jensen took from the action, things went to hell. Within the next five minutes he got hit four times, three of them by one and the same player. After the third time Jensen had to grab the rail for support, but the other player had earned himself two minutes out, because Jensen hadn’t even been near the puck in any way.
When the player, Wilson, got back in the game, Jensen took his first opportunity to pay him back and ran the guy over as he was carrying the puck into the zone. It was a hard hit, and they both went down for the lack of the boards, since they were in the middle of the pitch. Jensen slithered a few feet before getting back to his feet. They were regrouping, - Jensen was a little stunned that the referee did not call a penalty on him for this one - and Jensen was sliding fast towards the left side of the court when he was hit hard in the shoulder and had to grab at the boards, so he wouldn’t land face down on the ice.
“If you pull shit like that again, faggot, I’ll rip your ass so wide open that your boyfriend can hide in it!”
Jensen turned, rage, his old acquaintance, bubbling up in the back of his throat. He shoved Wilson away violently. “You wanna see a fag? Suck my cock, bitch! I’ll hold the mirror for you.”
Wilson seemed to be the barking, not the biting kind. His face turned a violent red, but he didn’t make a move. Jensen only smiled and made a kissy face towards him before turning with a wink, leaving him to stand there and steam.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
Jared stood next to Chad in pretty much the same place he had watched the first game of the season. By now he could claim to know how ice hockey worked, and he watched at least half of the game in between watching Jensen. This time he was sure that Jensen got checked and pushed about more frequently than the rest of the team, but then Jared knew Jensen’s prepossessing persona, and he could easily believe that the guy had made a lot of enemies in the earlier seasons he had played for their team.
But in the second period even Jared thought that the other team was going too far, especially this one player called Wilson, who earned a series of really ugly nicknames out of Chad’s always working mouth. Jared, for once, could only agree. Of course Jensen couldn’t let this kind of thing go and had to charge him as soon as the rules allowed him to. Jared cringed at the impact but was rather relieved as Jensen got up fast after sliding over the ice for a moment.
But the relief turned into dread as the other player regained his footing and went after Jensen immediately, shoving the man from behind, making him struggle to keep from falling.
Jared was sure there were hateful words being exchanged, and Jensen shoved the other man off him. Wilson was a little above eye level for Jensen, and Jared wondered why it had to be only those taller than the other man who thought they could take him.
Jared let out a breath as he saw Jensen turn and move away, actually surprised that the unstable young man would do the most sensible thing and do as they'd been told in kindergarten, when the teachers would explain that the better person was the one walking away. Jared was still so engrossed in his thoughts that he hardly saw Wilson’s face contort in rage, before the man brought up his stick and swung it at Jensen’s head. The wood connected with the helmet, and Jared could hear the crack as it splintered into pieces. Jensen’s head was thrown to one side, and his knees hit the ice, before he lay face down on the rink.
Jared screamed out his shock along with the hundreds of fans around him. He could hear Chris yell in horror and saw their team’s coach jump the rail, followed by some of the other players, hurrying across the ice to where Jensen had fallen in a heap surrounded by splintered wood.
…next part…
Okay... I bet you have a lot to me since this was such a mean ending... I really have a thing for Cliffhangers *g*. So you can tell me how much you hate me for this by giving me FEEDBACK, please