Comments | insafemode: Break Up Letters To The Damned

insafemode

Break Up Letters To The Damned

Oct 28, 2008 14:01

I'm backdate/posting all the entries I can find, and am currently iin October 2004. Woohoo? Anyhow, I was worried that all remnants of this particular post would have been destroyed by the Russian ass-hacker, but, apparently, I backed up my favorite responses. Basically, I posted a meme asking people to break up with me. In response, I would ( Read more... )

hacker destroyed my lj, memes

Comments 10

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insafemode October 31 2008, 17:23:52 UTC

A woman like yourself should never shun a gay man ( ... )

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insafemode November 2 2008, 01:26:54 UTC

Dear JY,

It's spelled k-i-t-t-y-p-o-r-n, though it's not really porn, it's a LOLcats calendar. Why must you see sex in everything I do?

I never called you Sailor Moon, I called you Frederick, because that's what you told me your name was when I cruised me at that bake sale.

Oh, Frederick, I'm sorry you were never the poontagonist in my autobiography. It's just that fisting was never meant to be used in the same sentence as urethra, the same way your face was never meant to be in the same sentence with pretty. I'm keeping the kids and the calendar. And I'm burning them both, just to watch you cry.

jesseparent October 28 2008, 20:02:03 UTC

Dear Adam,

I thought I could endure the bad times by savoring the good ones, but when I woke up in a puddle of my own blood for what very well could have been the 27th time, I realized that this was as good as it would get.

Please observe the court appointed distance. I had them put it in meters because I know how you love the metric system. Think of me fondly while doing your conversion from FPS.

-Jesse

january_embers October 28 2008, 20:21:17 UTC

Tonight, much to my dismay, I realized I am biassexual. I can love everyone except you.

Ha! Love it. Love it a lot. You, sir, are brilliant.

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insafemode November 2 2008, 01:44:43 UTC

Dear Timmee,

None of the Kool-Aid was poisoned except for yours. The "cult", as you call our AA group, doesn't like you. Your parents don't like you. Your pets never liked you. Every one of them committed suicide rather than be with you. If you keep on your bullshit righteous path, and get to Heaven, every angel will sin to get away from you. And these are people who haven't even seen you with your clothes off. Can you blame your grandmother (and it was yours, not mine) for trying to blow out your asshole with that firecracker? She'd have put it in your mouth, but no one has ever seen your mouth without a dick in it. She couldn't use your ears because you never listen. And she couldn't stuff it in your eyes because no one can bear to look you in your stupid stupid face.

Oh, and the aliens don't want you either, JOAB.