Gravity ; Jaejoong/Changmin
A contest entry for _starcandy's Awesome!1000+ Contest, using the prompt: anticipate. I wrote this while listening to Jonghyun's solo Y Si Fuera Ella on repeat. Also, the italics at the end are not mine, I found it on the internet, but have no idea who to credit.
Title: Gravity
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing(s): Jaejoong/Changmin
Disclaimer: The boys do not belong to me. This is also nothing but pure fiction.
Summary: The intensity of Changmin's gaze in that brief moment is burnt into his mind and the back of his eyelids, a scar.
Gravity
Anticipate
v.
To feel or realize beforehand; foresee
Have you ever had this happen to you? - you're in a room full of people, and it's so crowded that everything is a blur, yet despite this, your gaze is drawn to the opposite corner of the room. There's someone there, and before you can take a closer look, the crowd shifts, cutting off your line of vision. All you manage to see is a flash of red. And this flash of red is burnt into your mind and the back of your eyelids, a scar.
An indelible ink stain, a permanent shadow that follows you for the rest of your life.
It is so easy to dismiss it as coincidence, but Jaejoong is not the sort to think that way. He is certain there has to be some kind of hidden meaning or metaphorical significance in the way he meets Changmin.
They meet in the hospital.
Jaejoong pushes coins through the slot in the vending machine, and counts the amount under his breath. He peers at the selection of beverages and frowns. His finger hovers between green tea and hot chocolate. He can't decide, and wonders he should just flip a coin, but before he can do anything, someone behind him pushes the button for hot chocolate. The machine whirs, processing the choice, and then there's the dull hiss of liquid hitting the bottom of a disposable cup.
Jaejoong turns around, scowling. "What the hell-"
The person behind shrugs. "You looked like you wanted hot chocolate," he says. He jerks his hand forward, a silent please take your cup, and Jaejoong grabs the paper cup filled with the sweet liquid, holding it up to his nose and inhaling deeply.
The person slots his coins in and pushes the button for green tea. Jaejoong wonders if he's doing it on purpose.
"Kim Jaejoong, knee," Jaejoong says as a self-introduction, gesturing to the heavy bandage he has around his knee.
"Shim Changmin, heart," Changmin answers before walking away (there had to be some kind of symbolism in their meeting, Jaejoong will reflect two years later, there had to be).
They don't meet again in the hospital after the Vending Machine Encounter. The next time they meet is one and a half months later, at one of Jaejoong's sister's birthday party.
Jaejoong is wearing his favourite red shirt, with the top three buttons left undone, and he shoots sultry come-hither gazes at both men and women just because he can. It makes him feel powerful and in control, like he has the ability to change someone's life.
He meets another pair of eyes across the room, and curls his lips into a small enigmatic smile that always works. The pair of eyes blink back at him, and Jaejoong realises who he's looking at.
They end up kissing like teenagers in the back-seat of Jaejoong's car, too-long limbs pressed against the door, mouth moving over each other's hungrily to the heavy bass beats of music coming from the radio. Changmin's large calloused hands wrench pleasure from Jaejoong, and Jaejoong feels like he's coming out of his skin for the first time in many months. It hurts a little, but it's addictive, exhilarating.
The moon is startling bright outside and the moonlight illuminates their faces, white and flushed all at once. "Oh God," is all Jaejoong says before he's spilling into Changmin's hands. When he tries to return the favour, Changmin shakes his head.
Jaejoong doesn't want to force anything onto anyone, so he settles for sitting as close to Changmin as he can and breathing into his ear. They sit in silence of Jaejoong's car parked outside, while the party goes on inside the house, and in between, there's the knowledge that this will not be the last time.
Jaejoong likes Changmin's apartment. It's small, cosy and messy in a lived-in, comfortable kind of way, and smells like Changmin. There are always books and CDs lying around, and unlike Jaejoong, Changmin has no room-mates, which makes it much more convenient.
They make love on the couch, the floor, the dining table, and every other available surface and against every wall.
One night, Jaejoong dreams about getting married. He's waiting at the end of the aisle, heart fluttering in his rib cage, smiling broadly. Except there's no one at the wedding except him. And Changmin. Changmin is sitting in front, looking every bit like an invited guest, smiling serenely. Jaejoong keeps waiting for his other half to turn up, but no one comes, and Changmin just keeps looking at him. It goes on like this for what seems like eternity, but halfway, the dream changes, the scene twisting and going pear-shaped like an image in a distortion mirror, and suddenly Changmin is trying to strangle him with bubble wrap, screaming I know you don't love me, while Jaejoong screams back I love you, I love you, I love you.
I love you.
When he startles awake, he finds himself gasping the words into the dark. The confession is swallowed up into the yawn of the night, and carried away by the wind to somewhere too far for him to take back.
That dream changes a few things, because now Jaejoong loves Changmin, and things can't stay the same.
Jaejoong doesn't believe in coincidences, because every thing happens for a reason. Jaejoong doesn't believe in fortune telling, or fate, for that matter. He knows that he can change his future. He knows that he can walk into the kitchen, grab a knife and kill Changmin. He knows he can grab the knife, but kill himself instead. On a second thought, he can grab the knife and cut up some onions to make soup instead.
His future is in his hands, and he doesn't believe in fate - you decide your own destiny.
"You never know what's going to happen," he tells Changmin when they're tangled together on the couch on a Sunday night, watching some sappy drama that happens to be airing. "No one can foresee anything. Fortune telling is full of shit."
Changmin doesn't answer and stares at the television instead, the bright lights from the screen throwing vivid colours around the room and onto their faces, making them look like colourful patchy creatures from another world.
"I know I'm going to die," Changmin says after a very long time. The woman on the screen is begging her lover not to leave her, a lone tear running down her cheek. Jaejoong wants to laugh- no one looks that good crying.
"We're all going to die," Jaejoong grins, poking Changmin playfully in the stomach. "That's not counted, you idiot." Changmin squirms away from him, but he doesn't poke Jaejoong back.
"In two years," Changmin says quietly. "I'm going to live for two more years, and then I'm going to die." He smiles sadly at Jaejoong. "That's just how it is." The look in Changmin's eyes makes Jaejoong feel lost and drained.
Jaejoong doesn't believe a word (and he won't believe it until two years later when he's kneeling on fresh soil and Changmin is buried somewhere down below).
"Don't be silly," Jaejoong says, kissing Changmin to chase those silly thoughts out of his head and that terrible look out of his eyes. Changmin's hands run up and down his back, making him shiver. Jaejoong's fingers linger at the waist of Changmin's pants. "Do you wanna?" he asks, breath stealing across Changmin's mouth. This makes Jaejoong feel safe, they are in familiar territory here- Jaejoong has Changmin's body mapped out in his head, and he knows where to kiss, and where to touch- he likes this so much more than talking about death.
Changmin nods, and they make love as the woman on the screen continues to sob in her ridiculously glamorous manner. Tonight, Changmin holds Jaejoong extra tight, and kisses him extra hard and Jaejoong refuses to think about why that is.
"Don't worry," Changmin tells him one and a half years later. "You'll fall in love again."
"Shut up," Jaejoong says angrily.
"I'm sorry," Changmin says.
"Shut up," Jaejoong says again, for good measure.
"But that's just how it is," Changmin whispers. "We can't change anything. That's just how it is."
Jaejoong punches him square in the jaw, and starts to cry hysterically (he will remember this moment for the rest of life, even when Changmin is no longer there, and he grows old with Yunho).
The day before Changmin dies, Jaejoong meets Yunho.
"That's nice," Changmin says distantly when Jaejoong tells him about this new guy I met from work today. "He sounds like a great guy."
Jaejoong smirks. "You're not jealous, are you?" When Changmin doesn't answer, Jaejoong makes a series of affectionate noises as he grabs Changmin from behind. "Don't worry, you're the only one I want."
That night, they don't make love. Changmin claims that he's not in the mood, and the only thing he wants to do is fall asleep in Jaejoong's arms.
"The best feeling, ever," Changmin murmurs sleepily, head pillowed against Jaejoong's shoulder. "G'night, love you," he slurs.
Jaejoong hums his approval, and thinks about how they should do this more often.
I love you.
That's the last thing Changmin said to Jaejoong, and Jaejoong finally believes Changmin when he realises this. He replays the way Changmin uttered the three words, replays the way Changmin's fingers lingered against his cheek, replays the way Changmin smiled at him, and he realises Changmin knew. Changmin knew when he said I love you to Jaejoong that morning that it was going to be the last time.
Jaejoong wonders if this was meant to be, if it is his punishment to fall in love with someone who lived his entire life seeing the end, who counted down his days, who anticipated his own death. He wants to hate Changmin, hate Changmin and his stupid, ridiculous foresight, but Changmin is gone and he is still here, and hating Changmin cannot do anything to bring him back.
See you later.
That's the last thing Jaejoong said to Changmin, when their eyes met, never tearing his gaze away until the elevator doors closed, cutting off his line of vision. The intensity of Changmin's gaze in that brief moment is burnt into his mind and the back of his eyelids, a scar.
An indelible ink stain, a permanent shadow that will follow Jaejoong for the rest of his life.
Fate is like gravity.
You can jump up and down until your heart’s content,
but the earth still falls into the sun,
and the sun still courses through the galaxy,
both indifferent to your short-lived and insignificant defiance.
Vote for the contest here.
MASTERLIST OF FICS HERE
Title: Gravity
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing(s): Jaejoong/Changmin
Disclaimer: The boys do not belong to me. This is also nothing but pure fiction.
Summary: The intensity of Changmin's gaze in that brief moment is burnt into his mind and the back of his eyelids, a scar.
Gravity
Anticipate
v.
To feel or realize beforehand; foresee
Have you ever had this happen to you? - you're in a room full of people, and it's so crowded that everything is a blur, yet despite this, your gaze is drawn to the opposite corner of the room. There's someone there, and before you can take a closer look, the crowd shifts, cutting off your line of vision. All you manage to see is a flash of red. And this flash of red is burnt into your mind and the back of your eyelids, a scar.
An indelible ink stain, a permanent shadow that follows you for the rest of your life.
It is so easy to dismiss it as coincidence, but Jaejoong is not the sort to think that way. He is certain there has to be some kind of hidden meaning or metaphorical significance in the way he meets Changmin.
They meet in the hospital.
Jaejoong pushes coins through the slot in the vending machine, and counts the amount under his breath. He peers at the selection of beverages and frowns. His finger hovers between green tea and hot chocolate. He can't decide, and wonders he should just flip a coin, but before he can do anything, someone behind him pushes the button for hot chocolate. The machine whirs, processing the choice, and then there's the dull hiss of liquid hitting the bottom of a disposable cup.
Jaejoong turns around, scowling. "What the hell-"
The person behind shrugs. "You looked like you wanted hot chocolate," he says. He jerks his hand forward, a silent please take your cup, and Jaejoong grabs the paper cup filled with the sweet liquid, holding it up to his nose and inhaling deeply.
The person slots his coins in and pushes the button for green tea. Jaejoong wonders if he's doing it on purpose.
"Kim Jaejoong, knee," Jaejoong says as a self-introduction, gesturing to the heavy bandage he has around his knee.
"Shim Changmin, heart," Changmin answers before walking away (there had to be some kind of symbolism in their meeting, Jaejoong will reflect two years later, there had to be).
They don't meet again in the hospital after the Vending Machine Encounter. The next time they meet is one and a half months later, at one of Jaejoong's sister's birthday party.
Jaejoong is wearing his favourite red shirt, with the top three buttons left undone, and he shoots sultry come-hither gazes at both men and women just because he can. It makes him feel powerful and in control, like he has the ability to change someone's life.
He meets another pair of eyes across the room, and curls his lips into a small enigmatic smile that always works. The pair of eyes blink back at him, and Jaejoong realises who he's looking at.
They end up kissing like teenagers in the back-seat of Jaejoong's car, too-long limbs pressed against the door, mouth moving over each other's hungrily to the heavy bass beats of music coming from the radio. Changmin's large calloused hands wrench pleasure from Jaejoong, and Jaejoong feels like he's coming out of his skin for the first time in many months. It hurts a little, but it's addictive, exhilarating.
The moon is startling bright outside and the moonlight illuminates their faces, white and flushed all at once. "Oh God," is all Jaejoong says before he's spilling into Changmin's hands. When he tries to return the favour, Changmin shakes his head.
Jaejoong doesn't want to force anything onto anyone, so he settles for sitting as close to Changmin as he can and breathing into his ear. They sit in silence of Jaejoong's car parked outside, while the party goes on inside the house, and in between, there's the knowledge that this will not be the last time.
Jaejoong likes Changmin's apartment. It's small, cosy and messy in a lived-in, comfortable kind of way, and smells like Changmin. There are always books and CDs lying around, and unlike Jaejoong, Changmin has no room-mates, which makes it much more convenient.
They make love on the couch, the floor, the dining table, and every other available surface and against every wall.
One night, Jaejoong dreams about getting married. He's waiting at the end of the aisle, heart fluttering in his rib cage, smiling broadly. Except there's no one at the wedding except him. And Changmin. Changmin is sitting in front, looking every bit like an invited guest, smiling serenely. Jaejoong keeps waiting for his other half to turn up, but no one comes, and Changmin just keeps looking at him. It goes on like this for what seems like eternity, but halfway, the dream changes, the scene twisting and going pear-shaped like an image in a distortion mirror, and suddenly Changmin is trying to strangle him with bubble wrap, screaming I know you don't love me, while Jaejoong screams back I love you, I love you, I love you.
I love you.
When he startles awake, he finds himself gasping the words into the dark. The confession is swallowed up into the yawn of the night, and carried away by the wind to somewhere too far for him to take back.
That dream changes a few things, because now Jaejoong loves Changmin, and things can't stay the same.
Jaejoong doesn't believe in coincidences, because every thing happens for a reason. Jaejoong doesn't believe in fortune telling, or fate, for that matter. He knows that he can change his future. He knows that he can walk into the kitchen, grab a knife and kill Changmin. He knows he can grab the knife, but kill himself instead. On a second thought, he can grab the knife and cut up some onions to make soup instead.
His future is in his hands, and he doesn't believe in fate - you decide your own destiny.
"You never know what's going to happen," he tells Changmin when they're tangled together on the couch on a Sunday night, watching some sappy drama that happens to be airing. "No one can foresee anything. Fortune telling is full of shit."
Changmin doesn't answer and stares at the television instead, the bright lights from the screen throwing vivid colours around the room and onto their faces, making them look like colourful patchy creatures from another world.
"I know I'm going to die," Changmin says after a very long time. The woman on the screen is begging her lover not to leave her, a lone tear running down her cheek. Jaejoong wants to laugh- no one looks that good crying.
"We're all going to die," Jaejoong grins, poking Changmin playfully in the stomach. "That's not counted, you idiot." Changmin squirms away from him, but he doesn't poke Jaejoong back.
"In two years," Changmin says quietly. "I'm going to live for two more years, and then I'm going to die." He smiles sadly at Jaejoong. "That's just how it is." The look in Changmin's eyes makes Jaejoong feel lost and drained.
Jaejoong doesn't believe a word (and he won't believe it until two years later when he's kneeling on fresh soil and Changmin is buried somewhere down below).
"Don't be silly," Jaejoong says, kissing Changmin to chase those silly thoughts out of his head and that terrible look out of his eyes. Changmin's hands run up and down his back, making him shiver. Jaejoong's fingers linger at the waist of Changmin's pants. "Do you wanna?" he asks, breath stealing across Changmin's mouth. This makes Jaejoong feel safe, they are in familiar territory here- Jaejoong has Changmin's body mapped out in his head, and he knows where to kiss, and where to touch- he likes this so much more than talking about death.
Changmin nods, and they make love as the woman on the screen continues to sob in her ridiculously glamorous manner. Tonight, Changmin holds Jaejoong extra tight, and kisses him extra hard and Jaejoong refuses to think about why that is.
"Don't worry," Changmin tells him one and a half years later. "You'll fall in love again."
"Shut up," Jaejoong says angrily.
"I'm sorry," Changmin says.
"Shut up," Jaejoong says again, for good measure.
"But that's just how it is," Changmin whispers. "We can't change anything. That's just how it is."
Jaejoong punches him square in the jaw, and starts to cry hysterically (he will remember this moment for the rest of life, even when Changmin is no longer there, and he grows old with Yunho).
The day before Changmin dies, Jaejoong meets Yunho.
"That's nice," Changmin says distantly when Jaejoong tells him about this new guy I met from work today. "He sounds like a great guy."
Jaejoong smirks. "You're not jealous, are you?" When Changmin doesn't answer, Jaejoong makes a series of affectionate noises as he grabs Changmin from behind. "Don't worry, you're the only one I want."
That night, they don't make love. Changmin claims that he's not in the mood, and the only thing he wants to do is fall asleep in Jaejoong's arms.
"The best feeling, ever," Changmin murmurs sleepily, head pillowed against Jaejoong's shoulder. "G'night, love you," he slurs.
Jaejoong hums his approval, and thinks about how they should do this more often.
I love you.
That's the last thing Changmin said to Jaejoong, and Jaejoong finally believes Changmin when he realises this. He replays the way Changmin uttered the three words, replays the way Changmin's fingers lingered against his cheek, replays the way Changmin smiled at him, and he realises Changmin knew. Changmin knew when he said I love you to Jaejoong that morning that it was going to be the last time.
Jaejoong wonders if this was meant to be, if it is his punishment to fall in love with someone who lived his entire life seeing the end, who counted down his days, who anticipated his own death. He wants to hate Changmin, hate Changmin and his stupid, ridiculous foresight, but Changmin is gone and he is still here, and hating Changmin cannot do anything to bring him back.
See you later.
That's the last thing Jaejoong said to Changmin, when their eyes met, never tearing his gaze away until the elevator doors closed, cutting off his line of vision. The intensity of Changmin's gaze in that brief moment is burnt into his mind and the back of his eyelids, a scar.
An indelible ink stain, a permanent shadow that will follow Jaejoong for the rest of his life.
Fate is like gravity.
You can jump up and down until your heart’s content,
but the earth still falls into the sun,
and the sun still courses through the galaxy,
both indifferent to your short-lived and insignificant defiance.
Vote for the contest here.
MASTERLIST OF FICS HERE