Shatter/Shuffle ; Nichkhun/Wooyoung, Nichkhun/female!Wooyoung
This is me experimenting with something different.
Title: Shatter/Shuffle
Rating: PG-13/Light R
Fandom: 2PM
Pairing(s): Nichkhun/Wooyoung, Nichkhun/female!Wooyoung
Word count: 1720
Disclaimer: Tthis is only fiction.
Summary: In which Wooyoung turns into a girl briefly, Nichkhun and Wooyoung have more than one first meeting, logic and rationality go down the drain, and beginnings and ends are all over the place. It's not as bad as it sounds, really.
SHATTER/SHUFFLE
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without complexities or pride:
I love you in this way because I know no other way
than this: where I do not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so close that it is your eyes that close as I fall asleep.
-- Pablo Neruda
Beginnings, middles and ends - that's how stories usually go. Usually, but not always.
Let's start from the beginning, or one of the beginnings:
Wooyoung and Nichkhun met - they were both young, dreams clenched in the centre of their fists, and their first meeting was as ordinary as most first meetings tend to be. Wooyoung had earphones plugged into his ears, his gaze sliding disinterestedly over Nichkhun as he entered the room.
Things progressed from there - they became friends, fellow trainees, and then finally, after their long-awaited debut, fellow members.
Wooyoung fell in love with Nichkhun. It was not love at first sight. One and a half years after their debut, Wooyoung's heart rebelled against him and strained violently towards Nichkhun. There was no how or why, it just happened and Wooyoung could only follow his treacherous heart, tripping doggedly after Nichkhun.
Nichkhun loved him, but not the same way, and Wooyoung understood. He loved Nichkhun, like a kiss, like I'll follow you to ends of the earth, like dying slowly, like more than friends, like real love - love?
Love? A quizzical smile. A hand on Wooyoung's shoulder, setting him on fire. I love you too. Wooyoung looked at Nichkhun, his confession lost in the impossible distance between them, and felt like crying.
The tears burst out of him in the form of laughter, and in a desperate attempt at self-preservation, he turned around and repeated the same three words to Junho who was standing behind them. As though the I love you he'd just told Nichkhun wasn't special. As though the I love you he gave Nichkhun was just a joke. As though the I love you he said to Nichkhun was something said between platonic friends. As though -
As if. As if.
This is an end (but also a beginning):
Wooyoung loved Nichkhun for years. The harder he tried to reach out, the farther Nichkhun drifted from him. Wooyoung swam towards Nichkhun like a drowning man towards a lighthouse, but no matter how much he swam, he never reached shore.
Nichkhun liked girls, girls with their curves and breasts and lack of Y-chromosomes. Nichkhun could never love Wooyoung.
The end.
Wooyoung stood next to Nichkhun on stage, their voices rising above the thunderous cheers of their fans, their hands clasped tightly together as they swayed. Nichkhun turned to look at him, and Wooyoung forgot all the lyrics. Still holding his microphone, he went mute.
He thought, oh, I love you, and all that love spilled out of his mouth instead of song, but no one could hear it.
Nichkhun nudged him, and Wooyoung forced the right lyrics out of his mouth. He watched the love that had escaped him turn into giant birds that soared upwards, out of the concert hall, into the night sky, like countless helium-filled balloons.
The giant birds flew until they grew tired, and then they disintegrated, his love raining back down like shooting stars. No one could see them, even as they shattered above the audience, a breathtaking display of fireworks which only Wooyoung witnessed. This is how much I love you, so much I cannot contain it even if I tried.
Reaching out and grabbing this magical moment, Wooyoung closed his eyes and wished.
Another beginning (of an end):
Wooyoung meets Nichkhun again. Never mind the fact that two people can only have one first meeting - Wooyoung swallowed logic and rationality whole after falling for Nichkhun. The second time, when they meet, things are different.
Nichkhun is a boy dreaming of making it big as a star, and Wooyoung is a girl. An ordinary girl dreaming of love and a boy she knew from another life.
Wooyoung tells Nichkhun that she believes in him, she believes that he will become the brightest star, and when he asks her how do you know? She tells him I just do, when what she really means is I've seen it happen before.
Nichkhun tells Wooyoung that she's different from all the other girls he knows. Wooyoung just smiles, and tilts her head sideways as though she has no idea what he's talking about.
Wooyoung learns to cook just so she can cook all the things Nichkhun loves to eat, and all the things Nichkhun has not realised he loves to eat yet. She knows how much sugar Nichkhun likes in his tea, knows the colours that Nichkhun likes, knows every nuance of Nichkhun's voice and expression. She cares for Nichkhun the way she used to, in another life, except this time, Nichkhun's heart leans back.
The day Nichkhun releases his first album, he kisses Wooyoung, holding her small body close. Wooyoung's hands fist nervously in the material of her skirt and wonders if Nichkhun can taste her anxiety. Please, Nichkhun whispers when they part, please be mine.
Wooyoung blinks up at him, and something inside her swells and expands. She says his name, and he kisses her again, tongue and teeth and a silent thank you. She keeps the taste of him clenched between her teeth for the entire night, never wanting to forget.
He walks her home, and her feet never touch the ground. Happiness is the best source of buoyancy there is and Wooyoung is filled to the brim with it.
She basks in the heat and light of his love, like baking in late morning sun, her body slowly turning brown, his love sinking under her skin.
There are a lot of things they can't do, because Nichkhun's a celebrity and no one must know that he's dating Wooyoung. Wooyoung doesn't care, Nichkhun loves her, and nothing else matters.
They celebrate her twentieth birthday in his apartment.
She wanders around his house, dusting her fingers across walls and random surfaces curiously until he grabs her from behind. He kisses her, and she dissolves in his arms, leaving little particles of herself behind - little crumbs of her heart, little pieces of memories, little budding promises. After she leaves, he gathers these particles of her and inhales them greedily. Like seeds, they settle on the waiting soil of his heart and then germinate. Sprout. Grow. Blossom.
The life cycle of love does not include wilting, as long as you believe that to be the truth, and Wooyoung does.
The first time they make love, Wooyoung thinks she might die. Nichkhun kisses her eyelids, her cheeks, her throat, her breasts. He holds her naked, ripe body so gently against his as though he's afraid to shatter her.
When Wooyoung arches upwards and moans, the voice that emerges isn't hers. It's lower, rougher - raw and choked. Nichkhun holds his breath as he parts her thighs and sinks a finger into her, finding her wet and wanting. Wooyoung whispers Nichkhun's name with her-voice-that-is-not-her-voice, and Nichkhun lowers his mouth to her left breast in answer.
I won't break, Wooyoung tells Nichkhun as he eases slowly into her.
Why are we talking about breaking, he says, when I can't even stand the thought of you bruising. And Wooyoung remembers why she fell in love. She never stood a chance, there can be no other way.
This is both a beginning and an end:
The evening of Wooyoung's thirty-second birthday, Nichkhun sits behind her and brushes her hair. He drags the comb gently from the crown of her head down to the ends of her hair curling around her shoulders.
How much do you love me? Wooyoung asks, stretching her legs in front of her and wriggling her toes around.
Right down to every strand of greying hair, he jokes, and she calls him a bastard with laughter in her voice.
More than you know, Nichkhun says quietly, pausing the hair-brushing to press a kiss to her back. Startled, she jerks backwards, and he says ouch, my nose.
If I wasn't me, Wooyoung asks, equally quietly, could you still love me the same way?
Nichkhun sets the comb aside on the bed and runs his fingers through her soft hair. Her head is tugged backwards a little and he leans forward to feather kisses down the side of her neck. I can't imagine things any other way, he says. Come to me in any form, and I don't think I can not love you.
Liar, Wooyoung thinks, and breaks.
Nichkhun lost his wife the day she turned thirty-two. She died in his arms. They had only been married for one and a half years. Nichkhun still had a lifetime left which he had planned to spend with her and he didn't know what to do with all that time, all that life.
In the days after she left, he finds that he doesn't remember her for her beautiful hair, her slender fingers, her soft curves or her delicate features. He remembers her bright smile, her surprising strength when she wrestled him onto the bed, her low husky bedroom voice, and her sarcastic retorts when they argued.
The first anniversary of his wife's death, Nichkhun falls asleep with Wooyoung's ghost curled in bed with him, her fingers around his wrist, as though leading him somewhere, as though taking him with her.
A beginning:
When Nichkhun wakes, he has slipped sideways out of one lifetime into another. He is a teenager again, struggling with a new language, a new culture, a new way of life.
All he has is a dream, an appetite for success, endless potential and a voice in his head telling him I believe you'll become the brightest star.
He meets Wooyoung. Wooyoung is two years younger than he is, earphones plugged into his ears, his gaze sliding disinterestedly over Nichkhun when he enters the room. He learns Wooyoung's name and that this boy is a fellow trainee.
And things progress from there - they become friends, and then fellow members as they debut together as 2PM. It's almost exactly the same as the first beginning, except this time, Nichkhun falls first.
Except things end differently this time, because when Wooyoung tells Nichkhun I love you one and a half years after their debut, it's not a confession, it's an answer.
How much do you love me?
Right down to every strand of greying hair / To the point of being able to tolerate your hundred and one flaws.
You bastard - / No, seriously.
More than you know.
Why?
Because I don't know any other way.
Comment? ♥
MASTERLIST OF FICS HERE
Title: Shatter/Shuffle
Rating: PG-13/Light R
Fandom: 2PM
Pairing(s): Nichkhun/Wooyoung, Nichkhun/female!Wooyoung
Word count: 1720
Disclaimer: Tthis is only fiction.
Summary: In which Wooyoung turns into a girl briefly, Nichkhun and Wooyoung have more than one first meeting, logic and rationality go down the drain, and beginnings and ends are all over the place. It's not as bad as it sounds, really.
SHATTER/SHUFFLE
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without complexities or pride:
I love you in this way because I know no other way
than this: where I do not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so close that it is your eyes that close as I fall asleep.
-- Pablo Neruda
Beginnings, middles and ends - that's how stories usually go. Usually, but not always.
Let's start from the beginning, or one of the beginnings:
Wooyoung and Nichkhun met - they were both young, dreams clenched in the centre of their fists, and their first meeting was as ordinary as most first meetings tend to be. Wooyoung had earphones plugged into his ears, his gaze sliding disinterestedly over Nichkhun as he entered the room.
Things progressed from there - they became friends, fellow trainees, and then finally, after their long-awaited debut, fellow members.
Wooyoung fell in love with Nichkhun. It was not love at first sight. One and a half years after their debut, Wooyoung's heart rebelled against him and strained violently towards Nichkhun. There was no how or why, it just happened and Wooyoung could only follow his treacherous heart, tripping doggedly after Nichkhun.
Nichkhun loved him, but not the same way, and Wooyoung understood. He loved Nichkhun, like a kiss, like I'll follow you to ends of the earth, like dying slowly, like more than friends, like real love - love?
Love? A quizzical smile. A hand on Wooyoung's shoulder, setting him on fire. I love you too. Wooyoung looked at Nichkhun, his confession lost in the impossible distance between them, and felt like crying.
The tears burst out of him in the form of laughter, and in a desperate attempt at self-preservation, he turned around and repeated the same three words to Junho who was standing behind them. As though the I love you he'd just told Nichkhun wasn't special. As though the I love you he gave Nichkhun was just a joke. As though the I love you he said to Nichkhun was something said between platonic friends. As though -
As if. As if.
This is an end (but also a beginning):
Wooyoung loved Nichkhun for years. The harder he tried to reach out, the farther Nichkhun drifted from him. Wooyoung swam towards Nichkhun like a drowning man towards a lighthouse, but no matter how much he swam, he never reached shore.
Nichkhun liked girls, girls with their curves and breasts and lack of Y-chromosomes. Nichkhun could never love Wooyoung.
The end.
Wooyoung stood next to Nichkhun on stage, their voices rising above the thunderous cheers of their fans, their hands clasped tightly together as they swayed. Nichkhun turned to look at him, and Wooyoung forgot all the lyrics. Still holding his microphone, he went mute.
He thought, oh, I love you, and all that love spilled out of his mouth instead of song, but no one could hear it.
Nichkhun nudged him, and Wooyoung forced the right lyrics out of his mouth. He watched the love that had escaped him turn into giant birds that soared upwards, out of the concert hall, into the night sky, like countless helium-filled balloons.
The giant birds flew until they grew tired, and then they disintegrated, his love raining back down like shooting stars. No one could see them, even as they shattered above the audience, a breathtaking display of fireworks which only Wooyoung witnessed. This is how much I love you, so much I cannot contain it even if I tried.
Reaching out and grabbing this magical moment, Wooyoung closed his eyes and wished.
Another beginning (of an end):
Wooyoung meets Nichkhun again. Never mind the fact that two people can only have one first meeting - Wooyoung swallowed logic and rationality whole after falling for Nichkhun. The second time, when they meet, things are different.
Nichkhun is a boy dreaming of making it big as a star, and Wooyoung is a girl. An ordinary girl dreaming of love and a boy she knew from another life.
Wooyoung tells Nichkhun that she believes in him, she believes that he will become the brightest star, and when he asks her how do you know? She tells him I just do, when what she really means is I've seen it happen before.
Nichkhun tells Wooyoung that she's different from all the other girls he knows. Wooyoung just smiles, and tilts her head sideways as though she has no idea what he's talking about.
Wooyoung learns to cook just so she can cook all the things Nichkhun loves to eat, and all the things Nichkhun has not realised he loves to eat yet. She knows how much sugar Nichkhun likes in his tea, knows the colours that Nichkhun likes, knows every nuance of Nichkhun's voice and expression. She cares for Nichkhun the way she used to, in another life, except this time, Nichkhun's heart leans back.
The day Nichkhun releases his first album, he kisses Wooyoung, holding her small body close. Wooyoung's hands fist nervously in the material of her skirt and wonders if Nichkhun can taste her anxiety. Please, Nichkhun whispers when they part, please be mine.
Wooyoung blinks up at him, and something inside her swells and expands. She says his name, and he kisses her again, tongue and teeth and a silent thank you. She keeps the taste of him clenched between her teeth for the entire night, never wanting to forget.
He walks her home, and her feet never touch the ground. Happiness is the best source of buoyancy there is and Wooyoung is filled to the brim with it.
She basks in the heat and light of his love, like baking in late morning sun, her body slowly turning brown, his love sinking under her skin.
There are a lot of things they can't do, because Nichkhun's a celebrity and no one must know that he's dating Wooyoung. Wooyoung doesn't care, Nichkhun loves her, and nothing else matters.
They celebrate her twentieth birthday in his apartment.
She wanders around his house, dusting her fingers across walls and random surfaces curiously until he grabs her from behind. He kisses her, and she dissolves in his arms, leaving little particles of herself behind - little crumbs of her heart, little pieces of memories, little budding promises. After she leaves, he gathers these particles of her and inhales them greedily. Like seeds, they settle on the waiting soil of his heart and then germinate. Sprout. Grow. Blossom.
The life cycle of love does not include wilting, as long as you believe that to be the truth, and Wooyoung does.
The first time they make love, Wooyoung thinks she might die. Nichkhun kisses her eyelids, her cheeks, her throat, her breasts. He holds her naked, ripe body so gently against his as though he's afraid to shatter her.
When Wooyoung arches upwards and moans, the voice that emerges isn't hers. It's lower, rougher - raw and choked. Nichkhun holds his breath as he parts her thighs and sinks a finger into her, finding her wet and wanting. Wooyoung whispers Nichkhun's name with her-voice-that-is-not-her-voice, and Nichkhun lowers his mouth to her left breast in answer.
I won't break, Wooyoung tells Nichkhun as he eases slowly into her.
Why are we talking about breaking, he says, when I can't even stand the thought of you bruising. And Wooyoung remembers why she fell in love. She never stood a chance, there can be no other way.
This is both a beginning and an end:
The evening of Wooyoung's thirty-second birthday, Nichkhun sits behind her and brushes her hair. He drags the comb gently from the crown of her head down to the ends of her hair curling around her shoulders.
How much do you love me? Wooyoung asks, stretching her legs in front of her and wriggling her toes around.
Right down to every strand of greying hair, he jokes, and she calls him a bastard with laughter in her voice.
More than you know, Nichkhun says quietly, pausing the hair-brushing to press a kiss to her back. Startled, she jerks backwards, and he says ouch, my nose.
If I wasn't me, Wooyoung asks, equally quietly, could you still love me the same way?
Nichkhun sets the comb aside on the bed and runs his fingers through her soft hair. Her head is tugged backwards a little and he leans forward to feather kisses down the side of her neck. I can't imagine things any other way, he says. Come to me in any form, and I don't think I can not love you.
Liar, Wooyoung thinks, and breaks.
Nichkhun lost his wife the day she turned thirty-two. She died in his arms. They had only been married for one and a half years. Nichkhun still had a lifetime left which he had planned to spend with her and he didn't know what to do with all that time, all that life.
In the days after she left, he finds that he doesn't remember her for her beautiful hair, her slender fingers, her soft curves or her delicate features. He remembers her bright smile, her surprising strength when she wrestled him onto the bed, her low husky bedroom voice, and her sarcastic retorts when they argued.
The first anniversary of his wife's death, Nichkhun falls asleep with Wooyoung's ghost curled in bed with him, her fingers around his wrist, as though leading him somewhere, as though taking him with her.
A beginning:
When Nichkhun wakes, he has slipped sideways out of one lifetime into another. He is a teenager again, struggling with a new language, a new culture, a new way of life.
All he has is a dream, an appetite for success, endless potential and a voice in his head telling him I believe you'll become the brightest star.
He meets Wooyoung. Wooyoung is two years younger than he is, earphones plugged into his ears, his gaze sliding disinterestedly over Nichkhun when he enters the room. He learns Wooyoung's name and that this boy is a fellow trainee.
And things progress from there - they become friends, and then fellow members as they debut together as 2PM. It's almost exactly the same as the first beginning, except this time, Nichkhun falls first.
Except things end differently this time, because when Wooyoung tells Nichkhun I love you one and a half years after their debut, it's not a confession, it's an answer.
How much do you love me?
Right down to every strand of greying hair / To the point of being able to tolerate your hundred and one flaws.
You bastard - / No, seriously.
More than you know.
Why?
Because I don't know any other way.
Comment? ♥
MASTERLIST OF FICS HERE