Articulating Distance ; Jaejoong/Changmin
For mrsedjack ♥ I hope that this is at least a little close to what you wanted. I haven't written Jaejoong/Changmin for a pretty long time, I just realised O:
Lines in italics quoted from the poem After a While by Veronica Shoffstall.
Title: Articulating Distance
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing(s): Jaejoong/Changmin
Word count: 1779
Disclaimer: This is only fiction.
Summary: It was Jaejoong's desire for freedom that Changmin fell for, so he knows he shouldn't be surprised when Jaejoong leaves.
Articulating Distance
If there is one thing Jaejoong loves more than Changmin, it's music.
Changmin stands in the doorway, one hand holding the door frame and the other resting on the door knob, holding the door halfway open. Jaejoong is sitting at his desk, the pen in his hand skating quickly across pages of paper. His other hand rests on the table, tapping along to the rhythm of that tune in his head Changmin can never hear.
Changmin stands there for a long time but Jaejoong never senses his presence or turns around. Eventually, Changmin smiles, closes the door behind him and walks forward to put his arms around Jaejoong's neck, aligning their heads gently together.
As he kisses his way up Changmin's collarbone to his throat, Jaejoong hums a breathless giddy melody that buries itself in Changmin's memory, a melody that will always remind of him lazy Sunday afternoons and the smell of freshly laundered sheets.
After they make love, Changmin adamantly refuses to move from the bed and clings onto the side of mattress when Jaejoong tries to make him.
"Just let me be lazy for once," Changmin yells as Jaejoong grabs his ankles and attempts to drag him off the bed with brute force. "You are so mean," Changmin howls, in an unabashed display of childish behaviour. "You are always bullying me and you don't love me."
"Yes, you're right," Jaejoong snaps, throwing a pillow at Changmin's head viciously. "I hate you," he declares and storms out of the room. A few minutes later, the smell of Jaejoong's cooking drifts through the house and reaches Changmin who's lying spread-eagled on the bed. Unable to resist, Changmin rolls off the bed and follows the scent into the kitchen.
Jaejoong pointed ignores Changmin's presence as he stands at the stove, holding a ladle in one hand and waiting for soup to boil.
He's wearing the yellow apron Changmin bought for him a few months ago, and Changmin reaches out a hand to undo the lopsided knot fastened at Jaejoong's waist. Jaejoong goes still for a few seconds as Changmin carefully reties the ends together into a neat ribbon. When that's done, Changmin slides his arms around Jaejoong's waist and doesn't move until Jaejoong finally gets irritated and stomps on his toes playfully to make him let go.
Changmin lifts himself to sit on the kitchen counter, and swings his legs outwards to kick Jaejoong lightly. Jaejoong bats him away, and holds out the ladle. "Try it," he says and brings it to Changmin's mouth.
Changmin sips, and the soup is hot and spicy and before he can tell Jaejoong that it's really good, Jaejoong pushes forward and kisses him.
Changmin fell for Jaejoong's lack of predictability, his desire for freedom, the way he's forever full of surprises, the way he's both a dreamer and a realist, and his heartbreakingly beautiful voice.
So he has no one to blame but himself when he comes back home one day to find Jaejoong sitting cross-legged on the floor, folding clothes and packing them into a suitcase as though it's the most normal thing to be doing on a regular Thursday evening.
"Why are you packing?" Changmin asks, his heart lodged in his throat, caught in a trap. No, he thinks, not like this, please.
Jaejoong looks up, in the middle of shaking out a pair of jeans. "Oh, Changmin," he says, and his eyes are dark and bottomless. "I'm sorry." And just like that, Changmin's heart shrinks and wilts.
You begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
"His name is Yoochun, and he writes such amazing songs," Jaejoong says, his eyes bright with excitement and hope. "The two of us will make the most fantastic music, just wait and see - I just know it."
What Changmin wants to ask is when will you come back, and how long do I have to wait, and is this the end of you and me? Yet in the end, he swallows all the questions (knowing Jaejoong will not be able to give him any answers) and kisses Jaejoong goodbye instead (because knowing Jaejoong, this is probably the last time).
He only starts to get angry when Jaejoong gets into stupid Park Yoochun's stupid car and drives off into the stupid distance where Changmin cannot follow. He only starts to cry when he goes home and finds that so many things are missing or out of place. He only starts to hate Jaejoong when the piano in the living room is silent for days on end, the heavy silence driving Changmin crazy with longing.
He tells himself Jaejoong was born to be free, that Jaejoong needs change, that he can't alter the fact there's something Jaejoong loves more than him, but every day he misses Jaejoong (his voice, his singing, his piano playing, the sound of his breathing, the touch of his hand, his footsteps around the house) and every day he wants to hurt Jaejoong the way Jaejoong hurt him.
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
A year and three months later, Changmin comes home and Jaejoong is there, sitting at the piano and playing a song Changmin has never heard before.
Changmin should have been shocked, stunned in silence, but when he sees Jaejoong, he only feels anger. "What happened to Park Yoochun and making fantastic music?" Changmin says, hand gripping the doorknob tightly, keeping his voice distant and cool.
Jaejoong's fingers pause on the piano keys, and he looks up to smile winningly at Changmin. "He was wonderful and the music was fantastic, but then I missed you."
Changmin looks away and looks back at Jaejoong, who is as beautiful and captivating as he's always been - if not more. "You can't do this. You can't just leave me and disappear, and then come back and expect me to welcome you with open arms. You hurt me."
"I never promised you anything - " Jaejoong says quietly and even now, more than a year since he left, he's still so good at breaking Changmin's heart.
"Shut up," Changmin says tightly. "And get out."
Jaejoong stares at him with his jaw clenched, and after a few seconds, he leaves, brushing past Changmin on his way out. Changmin slams the door shut and mechanically goes through the motions of walking to the bathroom, undressing and stepping under the spray of the shower.
He works the shampoo into his air absently, and the only thing he can see is Jaejoong at the piano, looking like he'd never left at all, like he's still a part of Changmin life, a puzzle piece falling perfectly into place, despite all of Changmin's effort to erase him. Distracted by thoughts of Jaejoong, Changmin ends up shampooing his hair again, not realising he'd already done it. By the time he realises that, he's already washing the bubbles out of his hair. Frustrated with everything and himself, he turns the temperature down, wishing the icy water can slap him awake and wash the image of Jaejoong out of his mind.
After showering, he walks out, towelling his hair dry and finds Jaejoong in the kitchen. Jaejoong is wearing the yellow apron he didn't take with him when he left and Changmin couldn't bear to throw away, absorbed in the process of cutting tofu into small cubes. Something is cooking in a pot on the stove and it smells like home. The apartment has not smelt like home for a long, long time, and something in Changmin gives way, some kind of resistance - a wall, a door, a dam - getting knocked down.
"Didn't I tell you to leave?" Changmin says. "I don't care if you still have a key, I don't want you in my house."
Jaejoong turns around and blinks at Changmin as though he didn't hear a word. "I'm making stew," he announces brightly. "Can you cook the rice please?"
Changmin watches Jaejoong move around the kitchen, opening cabinets and drawers with his tongue peeking out from the corner of his mouth, and forgets how to speak, or breathe, or move. Jaejoong nudges him out of the way to get to the fridge, and Changmin reaches out to grab Jaejoong's wrist before he can stop himself.
"What are you doing?" he asks, and feels as though his entire life is falling apart at the seams, unravelling rapidly, after he spent so much time stitching it back together after Jaejoong left.
"Cooking," Jaejoong says.
"No," Changmin says, letting Jaejoong's hand go.
"I love you," Jaejoong says, and he's the one who grabs Changmin's hand this time.
Mutely, Changmin shakes his head. It feels like there are weeds are growing in his throat, trapping every word so he can't make a sound.
"Let's give this a shot again," Jaejoong whispers, and when Changmin doesn't answer, he keeps trying. "Let's start over," he says. "Let's always be together. Let's do this all over again. Let's try one more time. Please, I love you - "
Finally, Jaejoong runs out of breath and things to say, and falls into helpless silence. He looks at Changmin, and after a pregnant pause, he leans down to tug at the careless knot of Changmin's drawstring pants until it comes undone. Changmin almost grabs his hand to stop him, wanting to tell him you can't win me back with sex, but Jaejoong doesn't do anything of the sort.
With slim pale fingers, Jaejoong pulls at the frayed ends, trying to tie them into a ribbon. Changmin lets him, and just watches him wordlessly. Jaejoong struggles, his fingers clumsy and trembling, and when he fails at a third try, he gives up and leaving the drawstring undone, he grabs Changmin around the waist. Changmin is tugged violently into Jaejoong's arms.
Changmin inhales the smell of Jaejoong's hair, and his body remembers. "Why should I forgive you? What do you have to give now that you didn't a year ago?" he asks.
Jaejoong laughs, resting his chin on Changmin's shoulder. "An apology," he says. "A promise, all the necessary ingredients needed for new beginnings, and a song I wrote for you."
The song doesn't have lyrics, Jaejoong explains when he sits down in front of the piano.
Why, Changmin asks, frowning with slight displeasure, how am I supposed to understand anything then?
Because the language of love doesn't need any words, Jaejoong says, lifting the lid of the piano gently - as gentle as tilting Changmin's chin sideways for a kiss. So don't think, and just listen.
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
MASTERLIST OF FICS HERE
Lines in italics quoted from the poem After a While by Veronica Shoffstall.
Title: Articulating Distance
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Dong Bang Shin Ki
Pairing(s): Jaejoong/Changmin
Word count: 1779
Disclaimer: This is only fiction.
Summary: It was Jaejoong's desire for freedom that Changmin fell for, so he knows he shouldn't be surprised when Jaejoong leaves.
Articulating Distance
If there is one thing Jaejoong loves more than Changmin, it's music.
Changmin stands in the doorway, one hand holding the door frame and the other resting on the door knob, holding the door halfway open. Jaejoong is sitting at his desk, the pen in his hand skating quickly across pages of paper. His other hand rests on the table, tapping along to the rhythm of that tune in his head Changmin can never hear.
Changmin stands there for a long time but Jaejoong never senses his presence or turns around. Eventually, Changmin smiles, closes the door behind him and walks forward to put his arms around Jaejoong's neck, aligning their heads gently together.
As he kisses his way up Changmin's collarbone to his throat, Jaejoong hums a breathless giddy melody that buries itself in Changmin's memory, a melody that will always remind of him lazy Sunday afternoons and the smell of freshly laundered sheets.
After they make love, Changmin adamantly refuses to move from the bed and clings onto the side of mattress when Jaejoong tries to make him.
"Just let me be lazy for once," Changmin yells as Jaejoong grabs his ankles and attempts to drag him off the bed with brute force. "You are so mean," Changmin howls, in an unabashed display of childish behaviour. "You are always bullying me and you don't love me."
"Yes, you're right," Jaejoong snaps, throwing a pillow at Changmin's head viciously. "I hate you," he declares and storms out of the room. A few minutes later, the smell of Jaejoong's cooking drifts through the house and reaches Changmin who's lying spread-eagled on the bed. Unable to resist, Changmin rolls off the bed and follows the scent into the kitchen.
Jaejoong pointed ignores Changmin's presence as he stands at the stove, holding a ladle in one hand and waiting for soup to boil.
He's wearing the yellow apron Changmin bought for him a few months ago, and Changmin reaches out a hand to undo the lopsided knot fastened at Jaejoong's waist. Jaejoong goes still for a few seconds as Changmin carefully reties the ends together into a neat ribbon. When that's done, Changmin slides his arms around Jaejoong's waist and doesn't move until Jaejoong finally gets irritated and stomps on his toes playfully to make him let go.
Changmin lifts himself to sit on the kitchen counter, and swings his legs outwards to kick Jaejoong lightly. Jaejoong bats him away, and holds out the ladle. "Try it," he says and brings it to Changmin's mouth.
Changmin sips, and the soup is hot and spicy and before he can tell Jaejoong that it's really good, Jaejoong pushes forward and kisses him.
Changmin fell for Jaejoong's lack of predictability, his desire for freedom, the way he's forever full of surprises, the way he's both a dreamer and a realist, and his heartbreakingly beautiful voice.
So he has no one to blame but himself when he comes back home one day to find Jaejoong sitting cross-legged on the floor, folding clothes and packing them into a suitcase as though it's the most normal thing to be doing on a regular Thursday evening.
"Why are you packing?" Changmin asks, his heart lodged in his throat, caught in a trap. No, he thinks, not like this, please.
Jaejoong looks up, in the middle of shaking out a pair of jeans. "Oh, Changmin," he says, and his eyes are dark and bottomless. "I'm sorry." And just like that, Changmin's heart shrinks and wilts.
You begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
"His name is Yoochun, and he writes such amazing songs," Jaejoong says, his eyes bright with excitement and hope. "The two of us will make the most fantastic music, just wait and see - I just know it."
What Changmin wants to ask is when will you come back, and how long do I have to wait, and is this the end of you and me? Yet in the end, he swallows all the questions (knowing Jaejoong will not be able to give him any answers) and kisses Jaejoong goodbye instead (because knowing Jaejoong, this is probably the last time).
He only starts to get angry when Jaejoong gets into stupid Park Yoochun's stupid car and drives off into the stupid distance where Changmin cannot follow. He only starts to cry when he goes home and finds that so many things are missing or out of place. He only starts to hate Jaejoong when the piano in the living room is silent for days on end, the heavy silence driving Changmin crazy with longing.
He tells himself Jaejoong was born to be free, that Jaejoong needs change, that he can't alter the fact there's something Jaejoong loves more than him, but every day he misses Jaejoong (his voice, his singing, his piano playing, the sound of his breathing, the touch of his hand, his footsteps around the house) and every day he wants to hurt Jaejoong the way Jaejoong hurt him.
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
A year and three months later, Changmin comes home and Jaejoong is there, sitting at the piano and playing a song Changmin has never heard before.
Changmin should have been shocked, stunned in silence, but when he sees Jaejoong, he only feels anger. "What happened to Park Yoochun and making fantastic music?" Changmin says, hand gripping the doorknob tightly, keeping his voice distant and cool.
Jaejoong's fingers pause on the piano keys, and he looks up to smile winningly at Changmin. "He was wonderful and the music was fantastic, but then I missed you."
Changmin looks away and looks back at Jaejoong, who is as beautiful and captivating as he's always been - if not more. "You can't do this. You can't just leave me and disappear, and then come back and expect me to welcome you with open arms. You hurt me."
"I never promised you anything - " Jaejoong says quietly and even now, more than a year since he left, he's still so good at breaking Changmin's heart.
"Shut up," Changmin says tightly. "And get out."
Jaejoong stares at him with his jaw clenched, and after a few seconds, he leaves, brushing past Changmin on his way out. Changmin slams the door shut and mechanically goes through the motions of walking to the bathroom, undressing and stepping under the spray of the shower.
He works the shampoo into his air absently, and the only thing he can see is Jaejoong at the piano, looking like he'd never left at all, like he's still a part of Changmin life, a puzzle piece falling perfectly into place, despite all of Changmin's effort to erase him. Distracted by thoughts of Jaejoong, Changmin ends up shampooing his hair again, not realising he'd already done it. By the time he realises that, he's already washing the bubbles out of his hair. Frustrated with everything and himself, he turns the temperature down, wishing the icy water can slap him awake and wash the image of Jaejoong out of his mind.
After showering, he walks out, towelling his hair dry and finds Jaejoong in the kitchen. Jaejoong is wearing the yellow apron he didn't take with him when he left and Changmin couldn't bear to throw away, absorbed in the process of cutting tofu into small cubes. Something is cooking in a pot on the stove and it smells like home. The apartment has not smelt like home for a long, long time, and something in Changmin gives way, some kind of resistance - a wall, a door, a dam - getting knocked down.
"Didn't I tell you to leave?" Changmin says. "I don't care if you still have a key, I don't want you in my house."
Jaejoong turns around and blinks at Changmin as though he didn't hear a word. "I'm making stew," he announces brightly. "Can you cook the rice please?"
Changmin watches Jaejoong move around the kitchen, opening cabinets and drawers with his tongue peeking out from the corner of his mouth, and forgets how to speak, or breathe, or move. Jaejoong nudges him out of the way to get to the fridge, and Changmin reaches out to grab Jaejoong's wrist before he can stop himself.
"What are you doing?" he asks, and feels as though his entire life is falling apart at the seams, unravelling rapidly, after he spent so much time stitching it back together after Jaejoong left.
"Cooking," Jaejoong says.
"No," Changmin says, letting Jaejoong's hand go.
"I love you," Jaejoong says, and he's the one who grabs Changmin's hand this time.
Mutely, Changmin shakes his head. It feels like there are weeds are growing in his throat, trapping every word so he can't make a sound.
"Let's give this a shot again," Jaejoong whispers, and when Changmin doesn't answer, he keeps trying. "Let's start over," he says. "Let's always be together. Let's do this all over again. Let's try one more time. Please, I love you - "
Finally, Jaejoong runs out of breath and things to say, and falls into helpless silence. He looks at Changmin, and after a pregnant pause, he leans down to tug at the careless knot of Changmin's drawstring pants until it comes undone. Changmin almost grabs his hand to stop him, wanting to tell him you can't win me back with sex, but Jaejoong doesn't do anything of the sort.
With slim pale fingers, Jaejoong pulls at the frayed ends, trying to tie them into a ribbon. Changmin lets him, and just watches him wordlessly. Jaejoong struggles, his fingers clumsy and trembling, and when he fails at a third try, he gives up and leaving the drawstring undone, he grabs Changmin around the waist. Changmin is tugged violently into Jaejoong's arms.
Changmin inhales the smell of Jaejoong's hair, and his body remembers. "Why should I forgive you? What do you have to give now that you didn't a year ago?" he asks.
Jaejoong laughs, resting his chin on Changmin's shoulder. "An apology," he says. "A promise, all the necessary ingredients needed for new beginnings, and a song I wrote for you."
The song doesn't have lyrics, Jaejoong explains when he sits down in front of the piano.
Why, Changmin asks, frowning with slight displeasure, how am I supposed to understand anything then?
Because the language of love doesn't need any words, Jaejoong says, lifting the lid of the piano gently - as gentle as tilting Changmin's chin sideways for a kiss. So don't think, and just listen.
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
MASTERLIST OF FICS HERE