Super Junior {Yehsung/Ryeowook ; It's (Only) You}
Title: It's (Only) You
Fandom: Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: Yehsung/Ryeowook
Word count: 1,745
Rating: PG
Summary: No one else understood quite why Ryeowook would have done anything for Yehsung, but it was because he was in love.
A/N: This is for tokyolights, the bestest person ever! It's her birthday today, doncha know. Which is why I wrote her terrible Yehwook angst, because she likes it. Well, not the terrible part, but she likes Yehwook and she likes angst and I tried my best and I just hope you like it, bitch ♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's (Only) You
i.
With his hand pressed to the glass, when he closes one eye it seems as though his fingers are forcing the house next door out of existence. Like this, Ryeowook can't see the bedroom window where once there lived a boy; can't see the kitchen where once someone waved to him; can't see the spot at the side of the house where he was pushed against once and held there and kissed.
Like this, all he can see is the window showing the hallway, and no one ever paused on the hallway and waved to him, so Ryeowook doesn’t care about that.
ii.
He remembers thinking that it was amazing that his entire life could be boxed up and put into a van; amazing that it all amounted to so little and that everything that had made up fifteen years of existence (furniture and clothing and decorations, posters on his bedroom wall) could be handled so easily by people that he had never even met before. He remembers watching a man pick up a box which contained all his music sheets and recordings and wanting to scream at him to be careful, that in that box was his soul and his reason for living, but he didn't (Ryeowook is nothing if not polite).
He remembers staring at the big house and standing on a lawn that was too neat to have been lived in recently, clearly a house on the market, and thinking that his life was not exactly something that he could consider consistent. That holds more now than he ever wanted it to back then.
iii.
The boy who lived next door seemed just as shy as Ryeowook for the first second, as he looked above the fence that divided the two gardens, but that was just a scouting mission and he straightened up on whatever he was standing on and grinned and said, "Hi, I'm Yehsung. I live next door."
And Ryeowook thinks that maybe he fell in love right there and then.
iv.
Yehsung clambered over the fence and sat down on the grass next to Ryeowook, who had been sitting staring blankly into space because he got in the way of the men who his mother had hired to unpack their things and so he had come into the garden but had nothing to do. Yehsung didn't ask what he was doing, but instead just launched into a semi-monologue, telling Ryeowook all about himself.
After a while Ryeowook started listening properly and found hilarity where it was supposed to be, and he smiled and then laughed and Yehsung had blinked at him and then his grin had grown wider.
"You're pretty when you smile," he said, without being aware of any awkward connotations. "Tell me about yourself."
And Ryeowook had.
v.
He didn't tell anyone else about his past, when they asked about it. Friends at school weren't told about the difficult divorce and the new partner and the messy break-up and the stalking and then the fleeing in a calculated move that left Ryeowook in a new town and a new school, and a mother who had to look over her shoulder with every move.
Yehsung knew and Ryeowook knew that Yehsung knew and he thinks that it should have made it awkward, that a relative stranger knew all about his past but Yehsung had no sense of the awkward, no sense of there being a place and a time and Ryeowook thinks it was the first time Yehsung grinned at him but it could easily have been the first time Yehsung said "this is my friend, Ryeowook" or the first time Yehsung made sure they sat together at lunch at school or that time Yehsung invited him into his kitchen and made him badly made microwave ramen; any of these moments could have been that moment when he fell in love. All he knows is that he fell so quickly that it took only a week for Yehsung to confess to him and to press his lips against his with an uncertainty that made Ryeowook’s heart ache because there was vulnerability in Yehsung, just like there was courage somewhere in Ryeowook.
vi.
They dated for over a year, the happiest Ryeowook could remember being in a long time. Yehsung was hardly perfect, he wasn't even near being perfect, he was always late to things, it was the only thing Ryeowook could rely on him for. He had this obsession with looking good, would spend hours in front of a mirror making sure his hair fell just right, and Ryeowook would laugh sometimes and say that it was a good job he was patient, and get annoyed other times. Yehsung frequently said the wrong thing, being harsh or cruel when he didn't mean to, because he had no real filter for his words, but other times, he said exactly the right thing, exactly what Ryeowook wanted him to say, with an awkward hand pressed to the back of his neck.
And maybe no one else understood quite why Ryeowook would have done anything for Yehsung, but it was because he was in love.
vii.
He knows that their parents didn't really take it too seriously. Well, his mother never did, but at least she accepted it, was glad there was a person that made her son smile despite the hard times they had gone through and which still threatened overhead. She liked Yehsung, thought he was polite and nice enough, got on with him. He stayed for dinner sometimes.
Yehsung's parents refused to acknowledge the relationship. They were polite to Ryeowook, welcomed him as their son's best friend, and didn't believe that it went any further. Their delusions hurt Ryeowook, who wasn't sure what he had done wrong, why they were cold whenever anything relating to his actual relationship with Yehsung came up, but Yehsung just sighed and ran his fingers through Ryeowook's hair and said that they might never understand, but it was okay. Because you've got me, he'd said.
viii.
"I'm moving."
Ryeowook sits up on his bed and stares at Yehsung, who is sitting in the computer chair, turning it back and forth and fiddling with his fingers. "What?" he asks.
"My dad's getting promoted," says Yehsung. "We're moving to Seoul, where the main set of offices are."
Ryeowook stares and stares and stares and feels the pricking of tears at his eyes and tries to not think about moving will mean for their relationship. "When?"
"A month?" Yehsung winces, and Ryeowook doesn't know why until he adds, "I wanted to tell you sooner but I just couldn't work out how."
That makes Ryeowook take note. "You already knew and you didn't tell me? How long have you known?"
"A few weeks," admits Yehsung.
"You're terrible," says Ryeowook, and when he usually says that, he laughing, but now he feels like crying. "How could you not tell me?"
"I wanted to forget," says Yehsung, and he comes over to the bed and slowly wraps his arms around Ryeowook's shoulders and holds him close. "I don't want to -- thinking about it hurts."
ix.
That night is the only time they have sex.
x.
A month later, Ryeowook is there to help the boxes get packed up. He's the one that made sure that Yehsung packed everything, made sure that nothing was left under the bed, put a present -- music sheets -- on top of one of the boxes and sealed it up before Yehsung could see. Then he carries them down to the car and Yehsung's father thanks him and even now, doesn't acknowledge him as anything more than his son's supposed best friend.
Ryeowook wants it to be the least tearful farewell he can manage, as he hugs Yehsung close. Then he sobs, and Yehsung pats his head and laughs in a weak sort of way, like he's holding back tears of his own. "Don't worry," he says, softly into Ryeowook's ear. "I'll write and call. I promise."
After he goes, Ryeowook plugs his phone into charge and watches television with his mother and goes to bed and muffles his sobs against his pillow.
When he wakes up the next morning, he has seven text messages.
xi.
The next day, ten.
The next, six
A week later, nothing.
Two weeks later, nothing still.
xii.
After a month, Ryeowook gave up. On the relationship. On Yehsung.
He never fell out of love though.
xiii.
Now, it's been six months since Ryeowook gave up, and they're moving again. This time, his mother has another partner, someone who likes Ryeowook and who treats his mother well -- Ryeowook wouldn't accept anything less, but he's still a bit wary, because the previous guy, he thought he seemed okay too. But Ryeowook has accepted him and besides, this new partner means that they get to move out of this town and Ryeowook is sick of looking next door and remembering what used to happen there and the person that was once there.
They leave on a summer's day. This time, Ryeowook doesn't mind packing up his belongings, his self, and leaving.
xiv....of all people, you should know I'm not very good with words, so I hope that you'll forgive this sad, pathetic attempt to explain myself. I'm sure that you know perfectly well what happened, because you know me so well, you know me better than I know myself. But I know you well enough to know that flattery will never work.
Do you remember how much I wanted to be considered cool? You used to laugh at me for that, you used to tell me that I was already cool, but I always thought you were a little biased and not trustworthy in that department. I could see how awkward I was. But you know, when I got to Seoul, everyone just took my awkwardness to be because I was new, not because I was like that. And I moped, for so long, about you, and they thought that made me cool, and I liked that they thought I was cool and soon I just got caught up in everything, and I was too busy being with them to remember that I was with you.
I never stopped loving you, though, and I hope that we can...
xv.
we're sorry, the recipient of this letter no longer lives at this address.
Fandom: Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: Yehsung/Ryeowook
Word count: 1,745
Rating: PG
Summary: No one else understood quite why Ryeowook would have done anything for Yehsung, but it was because he was in love.
A/N: This is for tokyolights, the bestest person ever! It's her birthday today, doncha know. Which is why I wrote her terrible Yehwook angst, because she likes it. Well, not the terrible part, but she likes Yehwook and she likes angst and I tried my best and I just hope you like it, bitch ♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's (Only) You
i.
With his hand pressed to the glass, when he closes one eye it seems as though his fingers are forcing the house next door out of existence. Like this, Ryeowook can't see the bedroom window where once there lived a boy; can't see the kitchen where once someone waved to him; can't see the spot at the side of the house where he was pushed against once and held there and kissed.
Like this, all he can see is the window showing the hallway, and no one ever paused on the hallway and waved to him, so Ryeowook doesn’t care about that.
ii.
He remembers thinking that it was amazing that his entire life could be boxed up and put into a van; amazing that it all amounted to so little and that everything that had made up fifteen years of existence (furniture and clothing and decorations, posters on his bedroom wall) could be handled so easily by people that he had never even met before. He remembers watching a man pick up a box which contained all his music sheets and recordings and wanting to scream at him to be careful, that in that box was his soul and his reason for living, but he didn't (Ryeowook is nothing if not polite).
He remembers staring at the big house and standing on a lawn that was too neat to have been lived in recently, clearly a house on the market, and thinking that his life was not exactly something that he could consider consistent. That holds more now than he ever wanted it to back then.
iii.
The boy who lived next door seemed just as shy as Ryeowook for the first second, as he looked above the fence that divided the two gardens, but that was just a scouting mission and he straightened up on whatever he was standing on and grinned and said, "Hi, I'm Yehsung. I live next door."
And Ryeowook thinks that maybe he fell in love right there and then.
iv.
Yehsung clambered over the fence and sat down on the grass next to Ryeowook, who had been sitting staring blankly into space because he got in the way of the men who his mother had hired to unpack their things and so he had come into the garden but had nothing to do. Yehsung didn't ask what he was doing, but instead just launched into a semi-monologue, telling Ryeowook all about himself.
After a while Ryeowook started listening properly and found hilarity where it was supposed to be, and he smiled and then laughed and Yehsung had blinked at him and then his grin had grown wider.
"You're pretty when you smile," he said, without being aware of any awkward connotations. "Tell me about yourself."
And Ryeowook had.
v.
He didn't tell anyone else about his past, when they asked about it. Friends at school weren't told about the difficult divorce and the new partner and the messy break-up and the stalking and then the fleeing in a calculated move that left Ryeowook in a new town and a new school, and a mother who had to look over her shoulder with every move.
Yehsung knew and Ryeowook knew that Yehsung knew and he thinks that it should have made it awkward, that a relative stranger knew all about his past but Yehsung had no sense of the awkward, no sense of there being a place and a time and Ryeowook thinks it was the first time Yehsung grinned at him but it could easily have been the first time Yehsung said "this is my friend, Ryeowook" or the first time Yehsung made sure they sat together at lunch at school or that time Yehsung invited him into his kitchen and made him badly made microwave ramen; any of these moments could have been that moment when he fell in love. All he knows is that he fell so quickly that it took only a week for Yehsung to confess to him and to press his lips against his with an uncertainty that made Ryeowook’s heart ache because there was vulnerability in Yehsung, just like there was courage somewhere in Ryeowook.
vi.
They dated for over a year, the happiest Ryeowook could remember being in a long time. Yehsung was hardly perfect, he wasn't even near being perfect, he was always late to things, it was the only thing Ryeowook could rely on him for. He had this obsession with looking good, would spend hours in front of a mirror making sure his hair fell just right, and Ryeowook would laugh sometimes and say that it was a good job he was patient, and get annoyed other times. Yehsung frequently said the wrong thing, being harsh or cruel when he didn't mean to, because he had no real filter for his words, but other times, he said exactly the right thing, exactly what Ryeowook wanted him to say, with an awkward hand pressed to the back of his neck.
And maybe no one else understood quite why Ryeowook would have done anything for Yehsung, but it was because he was in love.
vii.
He knows that their parents didn't really take it too seriously. Well, his mother never did, but at least she accepted it, was glad there was a person that made her son smile despite the hard times they had gone through and which still threatened overhead. She liked Yehsung, thought he was polite and nice enough, got on with him. He stayed for dinner sometimes.
Yehsung's parents refused to acknowledge the relationship. They were polite to Ryeowook, welcomed him as their son's best friend, and didn't believe that it went any further. Their delusions hurt Ryeowook, who wasn't sure what he had done wrong, why they were cold whenever anything relating to his actual relationship with Yehsung came up, but Yehsung just sighed and ran his fingers through Ryeowook's hair and said that they might never understand, but it was okay. Because you've got me, he'd said.
viii.
"I'm moving."
Ryeowook sits up on his bed and stares at Yehsung, who is sitting in the computer chair, turning it back and forth and fiddling with his fingers. "What?" he asks.
"My dad's getting promoted," says Yehsung. "We're moving to Seoul, where the main set of offices are."
Ryeowook stares and stares and stares and feels the pricking of tears at his eyes and tries to not think about moving will mean for their relationship. "When?"
"A month?" Yehsung winces, and Ryeowook doesn't know why until he adds, "I wanted to tell you sooner but I just couldn't work out how."
That makes Ryeowook take note. "You already knew and you didn't tell me? How long have you known?"
"A few weeks," admits Yehsung.
"You're terrible," says Ryeowook, and when he usually says that, he laughing, but now he feels like crying. "How could you not tell me?"
"I wanted to forget," says Yehsung, and he comes over to the bed and slowly wraps his arms around Ryeowook's shoulders and holds him close. "I don't want to -- thinking about it hurts."
ix.
That night is the only time they have sex.
x.
A month later, Ryeowook is there to help the boxes get packed up. He's the one that made sure that Yehsung packed everything, made sure that nothing was left under the bed, put a present -- music sheets -- on top of one of the boxes and sealed it up before Yehsung could see. Then he carries them down to the car and Yehsung's father thanks him and even now, doesn't acknowledge him as anything more than his son's supposed best friend.
Ryeowook wants it to be the least tearful farewell he can manage, as he hugs Yehsung close. Then he sobs, and Yehsung pats his head and laughs in a weak sort of way, like he's holding back tears of his own. "Don't worry," he says, softly into Ryeowook's ear. "I'll write and call. I promise."
After he goes, Ryeowook plugs his phone into charge and watches television with his mother and goes to bed and muffles his sobs against his pillow.
When he wakes up the next morning, he has seven text messages.
xi.
The next day, ten.
The next, six
A week later, nothing.
Two weeks later, nothing still.
xii.
After a month, Ryeowook gave up. On the relationship. On Yehsung.
He never fell out of love though.
xiii.
Now, it's been six months since Ryeowook gave up, and they're moving again. This time, his mother has another partner, someone who likes Ryeowook and who treats his mother well -- Ryeowook wouldn't accept anything less, but he's still a bit wary, because the previous guy, he thought he seemed okay too. But Ryeowook has accepted him and besides, this new partner means that they get to move out of this town and Ryeowook is sick of looking next door and remembering what used to happen there and the person that was once there.
They leave on a summer's day. This time, Ryeowook doesn't mind packing up his belongings, his self, and leaving.
xiv....of all people, you should know I'm not very good with words, so I hope that you'll forgive this sad, pathetic attempt to explain myself. I'm sure that you know perfectly well what happened, because you know me so well, you know me better than I know myself. But I know you well enough to know that flattery will never work.
Do you remember how much I wanted to be considered cool? You used to laugh at me for that, you used to tell me that I was already cool, but I always thought you were a little biased and not trustworthy in that department. I could see how awkward I was. But you know, when I got to Seoul, everyone just took my awkwardness to be because I was new, not because I was like that. And I moped, for so long, about you, and they thought that made me cool, and I liked that they thought I was cool and soon I just got caught up in everything, and I was too busy being with them to remember that I was with you.
I never stopped loving you, though, and I hope that we can...
xv.
we're sorry, the recipient of this letter no longer lives at this address.