Super Junior {Siwon/Sungmin ; Quicksand}
Title: Quicksand
Fandom: Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: Siwon/Sungmin
Word count: 4,143
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Siwon stood in the shower, murmuring chemical formations to himself, and was surprised out of this five minutes later by a soft chuckle and a voice saying, “Siwon?”
A/N: it is really annoying how something can be really hot in your head and then totally awkward and weird when you write it down. umberela reassures me this is fine but I'm just like /SIDE-EYES.
Quicksand
One advantage to staying later than usual at the gym, Siwon had come to find, was that the showers were usually empty by the time he dragged himself back to the dorm. There was no one to rush him out of there because they needed to use the showers as well, no one to comment on how much hot water he was using; he could stand underneath the spray for as long as he possibly could and there was no one to judge him for it.
Siwon let the water run over his hair and down his face, let it trickle into his mouth and drip from his chin, before he hung his face forward and blinked it out of his eyes. It was hot almost to scalding point, rising in clouds of steam around him, and it was soothing his muscles like nothing else had been able to manage. Midterms and football practise had both conspired to cause a dull ache at the top of his spine which he had made worse with his frantic workout session earlier, but now it was beginning to ease, soothed by the heat.
He focused his thoughts on the football game that weekend as he continued to stand motionless. Letting his thoughts wander would only bring back the thoughts that had driven him to work out for half an hour longer than his body had been able to take, more of an exercise in dispelling sexual tension than he was really willing to admit.
“Focus,” he muttered to himself, “focus on game plans and formations and scoring that touchdown needed to be the hero for the rest of the year.”
But even that wasn’t safe, because imagining that touchdown made him think about the last touchdown, which had won their last game, which had led to the party at Kangin’s place, where he had drunk too much and had found himself dancing too close for comfort with -
Stop, he told himself, because those were the thoughts that were going to bring him nothing but trouble. Instead he ran through formations, breaking them apart and shoving them together in his mind, and when that got close to not being enough, he ran through the molecular structure of the elements in the periodic table, still fresh in his mind from his midterm.
He was murmuring them to himself and was surprised out of this five minutes later by a soft chuckle and a voice saying, “Siwon?” His eyes shot open, heart jumping in his chest. He almost slipped and managed to keep his balance through sheer luck. There was another chuckle.
Trying to will his heart back out of his throat, he called, “Yeah, hyung? What is it?”
The door rattled, though not as though Sungmin was trying the lock, merely as though he was leaning back against it. “Nothing,” he said lightly. “I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner but Heechul-hyung said that you were taking a shower.”
Heechul, Siwon thought. Of course it would be his roommate, because Heechul probably found the thought of this hilarious. “I was at the gym late,” he said out loud in reply to Sungmin.
“I was just wondering how your exam went.”
Siwon got the feeling that this was not really the place to be having this conversation but then nothing that had gone on between him and Sungmin for the past couple of months could have ever been called normal. For Siwon, it was perfectly logical that they would be talking about midterms while Siwon was naked in the shower. It made a hell of a lot more sense than the dancing they had been doing last week.
“Okay,” he said noncommittally, grabbing his body wash because if he didn’t do something with his hands to concentrate on, he would start thinking way too hard about the fact that Sungmin was on the other side of a door that had never seemed so flimsy, and Siwon was naked. “I forgot the chemical make up of silicon so I’m just trying to see if I can remember now.”
“I’m sure that won’t matter in the long run,” Sungmin said, laughter obvious in his voice, and Siwon was forced to acknowledge that as true.
“What about you?” he asked. “I know you were having trouble with calculus.”
“Passable.” A pause, in which Siwon stepped back under the spray of water. The tension was beginning to pool back in his shoulders. It was also beginning to drift through the air between them, coiling around Siwon’s head and making it hard to think straight. He couldn’t think of anything further to say that would possibly make this okay.
Of course, as he usually did, Sungmin said something to purposely make it worse. “You ran away last weekend,” he said mildly. “It hurt a little bit.”
Siwon closed his eyes. Here was something he didn’t want to talk about. He didn’t want to tell Sungmin just how drunk he had been when he’d let Sungmin pull him close and begin dancing with him in a way that put Dirty Dancing to shame. Besides which, the alcohol hadn’t been the only thing that had caused it; sometimes just catching Sungmin’s eye, and seeing the smile that would inevitably cause, was enough to send lazy tendrils of arousal rising up through his body. The reason he’d broken away and left the party soon afterwards had been mostly due to the way those smoky tendrils had threatened to leap into a flame that he didn’t think he’d have the willpower to put out.
“I’m sorry,” Siwon said, putting his high school experience in theatre to good use and managing to put just the right amount of concerned surprise in his voice. “I didn’t realise. I had a meeting the next day.” That much was actually true, though it was a meeting that had taken place at two in the afternoon.
Another silence. Sungmin was simply leaning against the door to the shower stall, doing nothing except subconsciously trapping Siwon in there. Siwon was becoming increasingly horrified as he realised just how erotic he found that thought, that Sungmin was out there but couldn’t get in, and Siwon was in here and couldn’t get out, and one of them would have to break, one of them would have to make a decision that could tip the scales. One of them had to choose whether to tip them down into something that Siwon couldn’t see the end of, or choose to keep this tentative balance as their status quo.
Siwon knew it was cowardly, but he hoped that Sungmin would choose to keep the status quo. Siwon didn’t feel ready to come to terms with whatever this was between them. If it were possible, he’d put off the moment of confrontation until they’d graduated, at which point it hopefully wouldn’t make a difference because there was no rule to say that they had to see each other ever again, despite the mutual friends and common interests. No rule said that just because Siwon knew Heechul who knew Zhou Mi who knew Sungmin, he had to keep contact after graduation and keep this dance going on even longer.
He did acknowledge that the past few months have been hard. He still wasn’t sure where this had come from, the slow feelers that Sungmin had put out as if trying to gauge where Siwon stood, and Siwon had stood firmly on the straight side of the fence but something made him respond to Sungmin’s flirtations, respond to Sungmin’s touches, hold eye contact for a moment longer than was necessary.
Something was making him stand in the shower, aware that Sungmin was on the other side, and feel nothing but vague arousal.
“Are you scared, Siwon?” Sungmin asked, breaking through Siwon’s thoughts like a stone through glass.
“Scared of what?” Siwon asked, instead of saying yes.
“This.”
There could be no denying what this was, though Siwon desperately wanted to tease Sungmin, say “that’s still not helpful,” anything that could help break the tension. He couldn’t, though. He tipped his head back under the water, felt it wash over his eyelids and nose and mouth, and wash away the upper layer of apprehension that he felt.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“It doesn’t have to be,” Sungmin said. There was something in his voice now, an edge that Siwon had never heard before. “The way I could make you feel isn’t going to be scary. You’ll enjoy it, if you want this as much as I think you do.” His voice dropped, lowered, sending another thread of arousal coiling around Siwon’s mind and further hindering his ability to think rationally. “I want this too, Siwon.”
He could admit now that his workout earlier, his mental exercises, and his running had done nothing to help. There could be no helping this feeling. This was not something that would go away easily, but it had to go away. Sungmin had to go away.
He took a step forward, the sound of his footsteps muffled under the sound of the water still hitting the ground, with his mind made up. He did not think that if he asked, Sungmin would refuse to leave. Sungmin would not push the issue if Siwon didn’t want him to. Just ask him to leave, he willed his mouth. Tell him to go away.
Sungmin spoke first though. “Can I come in?”
Startled, Siwon could only ask, “What?”
There was the shuffle of feet as Sungmin turned his front towards the door. “Can I come in,” he repeated simply.
Siwon’s first reaction was, worryingly, to say yes. Instead of that, he stood, half in the water and half out, breathing slowly to calm his heart. “I don’t understand,” he said after a pause that threatened to stretch on for too long. His voice wavered only a little.
“Yes, you do,” Sungmin said quietly.
Siwon closed his eyes, scrunching them as if to force himself out of this world and into one where this wasn’t happening. But then he opened them and he was still here and Sungmin was still on the other side and he could continue running or he could confront this right here and now and go with the consequences.
He reached out a hand, noting as if it wasn’t his own that it was shaking, and slid back the lock on the door. Despite the sound of the water, the sound of metal scraping against metal seemed too loud, too grating, too final. He clasped the edge of the door and pulled it open, resisting the urge to hide behind it. Resisting the urge to cover himself with his hands was harder but he managed that too.
A flicker of surprise crossed Sungmin’s face but passed after a second, replaced by something Siwon recognised as having given that edge to Sungmin’s voice earlier: triumph. Sungmin had known he was winning. Maybe he didn’t think victory would come so quickly, but he’d known he was winning.
Sungmin’s eyes fluttered down, lingering on certain parts of Siwon’s body. Siwon blushed, unable to help it. Sungmin looked back up and then bit his bottom lip, like he was contemplating his next move.
It was almost a comfort to know that Sungmin was unsure for that split second, before he gave Siwon that smile which had so utterly undone him last weekend. Siwon stepped back in a silent invitation. Sungmin stepped in and stayed silent as Siwon closed the door behind him. He thought for a moment and then locked it.
Sungmin took a step closer, a challenge in a way, and which Siwon failed miserably in the face of because he took a step back, his back pressing against the cubicle wall. Sungmin’s smile threatened to become a grin.
Siwon, however, was a sportsman, and he knew all about challenges. His competitive streak wasn’t going to let him lose this one.
He curled a hand around Sungmin’s shoulder and pulled him forward the couple of steps necessary for Sungmin to put his hand on Siwon’s chest, damp from the shower which was still switched on. He spread his fingers out, the tip of the middle finger at the top of Siwon’s breastbone. Siwon struggled on breathing through the swirling panic and fear and overwhelming want.
He cupped Sungmin’s jaw, leaned in as Sungmin’s eyes closed, kissed him softly. No need to rush. Sungmin made the kind of noise that sent Siwon’s head reeling again, a low whimper which belied Sungmin’s feelings a lot more than any expression on his face had thus far. He pulled back and looked Siwon straight in the eyes, holding his gaze as long as it took for Siwon to back him into the water. Sungmin’s clothes darkened and clung to his body, and Siwon could appreciate that. It was almost a preview of a future show.
Sungmin laughed, sliding his hands through Siwon’s hair and tugging him closer. “I didn’t think you’d go for this,” he said, turning his face into the spray of water currently soaking him. “I thought...well, I didn’t think it would be so soon, in any case.”
Siwon didn’t know what to say to that, so he didn’t say anything, merely sliding his arms around Sungmin’s waist and kissing him, more fiercely than before, like he had been desperate to do last weekend but had ultimately stopped himself from doing. He touched his tongue to Sungmin’s lips, urged him to open up so that Siwon could lick inside, tasting him with every taste bud.
Then he realised what he could say and he pulled back and caught Sungmin’s chin when he tried to lean back into the kiss. “Is this a game to you?” he asked quietly. A challenge he could live with, but he didn’t want to play around here. “Were you just trying to see how long it took to get me into bed?”
Sungmin’s breath caught, a shudder passing down his body, but it wasn’t fear; he pressed himself closer to Siwon even as Siwon tried to pull away. “You,” he said, murmuring over the water, “are not a game.”
Siwon shut his eyes and felt his way back to Sungmin’s mouth, catching the edge of his jaw before their lips met again, and now Sungmin was in control, kissing with the kind of finesse that Siwon didn’t think he could ever hope to develop. It was all he could do to stay upright, all he could do to remember to breathe.
When Sungmin pulled back, it was only so that he could press a kiss to the edge of Siwon’s mouth. “Besides,” he added, “we’re not even in a bed.”
“No,” Siwon said breathlessly, trying to bring their mouths back together once more, “I suppose we aren’t.”
Siwon’s thoughts were babbling away, completely out of his control, as they kissed again. It was the kind of dirty, open-mouthed kiss that Siwon would have felt a little embarrassed to be having if he was fully clothed, but he wasn’t, and he was beginning to feel grateful for that as Sungmin ground their hips together and the drag of material against Siwon’s erection knocked even the babbling thoughts clear from his head.
So then it was just the kisses and the flame of desire that he had no way of dousing now, so strong that he thought he would be perfectly willing to come simply by grinding into Sungmin’s erection pressing against his jeans. Sungmin’s hands slid down his back and gripped his ass, pulling him closer and then breaking the kiss to hiss in frustration.
He pulled Sungmin’s t-shirt up, bunching it under his arms for a second before Sungmin lifted his arms and let Siwon pull it up over his head and drop it onto the floor, instantly a sodden heap that Siwon nudged out of the way with his foot. He ran his hands down Sungmin’s chest, down over his stomach, and then back up, thumbs brushing over Sungmin’s nipples.
Sungmin shivered, pressed their erections together more insistently, and Siwon gasped, horribly aware that if this continued for much longer, he really would come with his crotch pressed against Sungmin’s clothed one. He struggled to rectify that, managing to get Sungmin’s top button undone before Sungmin pulled away abruptly.
“What-” Siwon said, holding his hands out palm up, unsure if he’d done something wrong and wanting to lower the threat he may have posed. Sungmin, however, just grinned at him, leaned in, sucked Siwon’s bottom lip through his teeth, and then sank to his knees.
Siwon’s capacity for rational thought left him like someone had hit him over the head, and for a second he found himself so breathless that it was like a sucker punch to the stomach. Sungmin’s hand curled around his hip, thumb pressing in as a brand; Siwon could feel the light sting of a fingernail digging into skin, as though every nerve had just stood up and taken attention.
Sungmin’s breath ghosted around the head of Siwon’s erection and then there was a soft press of lips and then - Siwon scrambled for something to keep him connected to reality as Sungmin’s lips moved down his cock, enveloping him in heat almost to the base. A pause, Siwon’s gasping breaths and the water cascading down the only noise, before Sungmin pulled back, until his mouth was around only the head, and he flicked his tongue against the slit and -
Siwon’s scrambling hands knocked against the temperature dial and turned the water ice cold in an instant. Sungmin fell back, yelping as it spilled down mostly over him. Siwon had pressed back far enough against the wall that the cold spray hit only his hair. He quickly shut the water off but kept one hand against the valve; he didn’t know what to do with his hands.
Sungmin leaned back on his haunches, looking up at Siwon through his wet hair, a smile just tugging at the corner of his mouth. Without a word, he reached up and took Siwon’s wrists in his hands, pulling them until he had placed them on his own head. After a second of uncertainty, Siwon slid one hand through the strands but let the other drift down to Sungmin’s cheek. His fingertips touched Sungmin’s jaw, his thumb pressed against his mouth and then Sungmin let his mouth fall open, almost submissively, so that the digit fell into his mouth and against his tongue.
Quick as a flash his mouth closed and he sucked, pressing the flat of his tongue against the pad of the thumb. Siwon made a noise of surprise that sounded like “ah!” and began to feel the first strains of absolute desperation; he wanted to come so badly now, his mind a haze of need. The desire in his groin had sharpened into a pain shot through with pleasure. Sungmin had been right. There was nothing to fear in this.
Sungmin released his thumb and Siwon placed his hand on Sungmin’s shoulder, almost bracing himself as Sungmin took his cock in his mouth again and began sucking. Siwon’s head tipped back, mouth falling open in reckless abandon. There was no one else here to see this or hear this, so he let himself moan, let his fingers tighten in Sungmin’s hair, let the emotions wash over him.
He hadn’t done this a lot, certainly hadn’t done this with a guy before, but there could be no denying that Sungmin was good. Siwon tried to not think about how Sungmin had got quite this good and found it remarkably easy to do because who needed to think about anything when Sungmin’s mouth was around his cock and when Sungmin didn’t seem to give a fuck if Siwon tugged on his hair or accidentally thrust his hips. In fact, Sungmin seemed to quite like that, if the way his hand tightened around Siwon’s hip seemed to be any suggestion.
Siwon felt the tightening in his groin, the need narrowing to a pinpoint and tried to detangle his hand from Sungmin’s hair, tried to pull away before he came, but it didn’t work and all that happened was that Sungmin’s head was yanked to the side. He felt, rather than heard, Sungmin gasp, then there was another sly flick of the tongue against the slit and Siwon came with a soft cry.
It took more than a few seconds for the pleasure to fade and when he let his eyes open, Sungmin was climbing slowly to his feet. His lips were swollen, his cheeks flushed, and eyes glazed. When Siwon kissed him, Sungmin reacted a second behind, as if his lust was now the only thing that he could concentrate on. Siwon pressed his palm against Sungmin’s erection and was rewarded with a desperate jerk upwards into it. “Please, Siwon,” Sungmin said against Siwon’s mouth. “Please.”
Siwon eased the wet jeans and underwear down over Sungmin’s hips and hesitated for just a moment before he slid his thumb over the head of Sungmin’s cock and then wrapped his fingers slowly around it. Sungmin gave another gasp and Siwon took advantage of that, kissing him hungrily.
Soon afterwards, Sungmin pulled away a little, his kisses barely even there as he lost himself in whatever Siwon could think of to do with his hand. Siwon pulled back and watched him, drinking in the way Sungmin bit his bottom lip so hard that it was turning pale. As Siwon’s hand moved, Sungmin’s hips jerked up in tense movements, almost as though he was attempting to hold himself back.
Siwon felt arousal begin to flare back up as Sungmin’s mouth fell open and he gave a breathless murmur of Siwon’s name. Siwon smiled lazily. He licked a stripe up Sungmin’s neck. Then it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to press kisses to every inch of skin that he could easily reach as he strove to bring Sungmin to completion; across Sungmin’s jaw, light against his eyelids, teasingly against his mouth.
“Why are you so quiet?” he whispered into Sungmin’s ear. “There’s no one here to hear you. You can be as loud as you want. You can be as loud as I want you to be.”
Sungmin looked as though he was having trouble breathing and so it took a minute before he managed to say, “I didn’t - think you’d be like this.”
Siwon bit against the shell of Sungmin’s ear, letting his strokes slow, become more deliberate. “Disappointed?”
“No,” Sungmin moaned, then; “Fuck, there, keep doing that-”
Siwon did so, noting the way it knocked Sungmin breathless for seconds at a time, then caused him to whimper afterwards, and filed it away for use at another time, giving no thought to the knowledge that there was going to be another time. This, after so many months of denial, was not something he wanted to let go of easily.
The sudden tensing was the only forewarning Siwon got before Sungmin came, his cry muffled against the kiss that Siwon had pressed to his mouth not seconds beforehand. The grip of his hand on Siwon’s shoulder tightened painfully and then went limp as Siwon coaxed out the orgasm.
As Sungmin tried to regain his breath, Siwon turned on the shower to let the water wash away the stickiness that threatened to develop at any moment. After a moment, Sungmin smiled at him, and awkwardness broke through the stirrings of satisfaction and renewed lust. He was suddenly acutely aware of his nakedness in a way that he hadn’t been earlier. Bizarre, really, considering what they had just done.
Sungmin bent down and picked up his clothes, now too wet to wear. “We didn’t really think that through,” he said.
Siwon shut the shower off. “I’ll go get you something to wear,” he said, reaching for his towel. He thought for a second and then draped it over Sungmin’s head, rubbing softly to take the edge off the water. When he lifted it back to rub his own hair, Sungmin was grinning.
“Good,” he said, “because after that, I think it’s only proper that you buy me dinner.”
Siwon backed him up against the wall of the cubicle, damp slick skin pressed together. Yes, dinner, soon, but for now, Sungmin was wearing a triumphant expression and was eyeing Siwon’s body like he thought he had won. Siwon firmly intended to kiss that expression into oblivion.
Fandom: Super Junior (AU)
Pairing: Siwon/Sungmin
Word count: 4,143
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Siwon stood in the shower, murmuring chemical formations to himself, and was surprised out of this five minutes later by a soft chuckle and a voice saying, “Siwon?”
A/N: it is really annoying how something can be really hot in your head and then totally awkward and weird when you write it down. umberela reassures me this is fine but I'm just like /SIDE-EYES.
Quicksand
One advantage to staying later than usual at the gym, Siwon had come to find, was that the showers were usually empty by the time he dragged himself back to the dorm. There was no one to rush him out of there because they needed to use the showers as well, no one to comment on how much hot water he was using; he could stand underneath the spray for as long as he possibly could and there was no one to judge him for it.
Siwon let the water run over his hair and down his face, let it trickle into his mouth and drip from his chin, before he hung his face forward and blinked it out of his eyes. It was hot almost to scalding point, rising in clouds of steam around him, and it was soothing his muscles like nothing else had been able to manage. Midterms and football practise had both conspired to cause a dull ache at the top of his spine which he had made worse with his frantic workout session earlier, but now it was beginning to ease, soothed by the heat.
He focused his thoughts on the football game that weekend as he continued to stand motionless. Letting his thoughts wander would only bring back the thoughts that had driven him to work out for half an hour longer than his body had been able to take, more of an exercise in dispelling sexual tension than he was really willing to admit.
“Focus,” he muttered to himself, “focus on game plans and formations and scoring that touchdown needed to be the hero for the rest of the year.”
But even that wasn’t safe, because imagining that touchdown made him think about the last touchdown, which had won their last game, which had led to the party at Kangin’s place, where he had drunk too much and had found himself dancing too close for comfort with -
Stop, he told himself, because those were the thoughts that were going to bring him nothing but trouble. Instead he ran through formations, breaking them apart and shoving them together in his mind, and when that got close to not being enough, he ran through the molecular structure of the elements in the periodic table, still fresh in his mind from his midterm.
He was murmuring them to himself and was surprised out of this five minutes later by a soft chuckle and a voice saying, “Siwon?” His eyes shot open, heart jumping in his chest. He almost slipped and managed to keep his balance through sheer luck. There was another chuckle.
Trying to will his heart back out of his throat, he called, “Yeah, hyung? What is it?”
The door rattled, though not as though Sungmin was trying the lock, merely as though he was leaning back against it. “Nothing,” he said lightly. “I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner but Heechul-hyung said that you were taking a shower.”
Heechul, Siwon thought. Of course it would be his roommate, because Heechul probably found the thought of this hilarious. “I was at the gym late,” he said out loud in reply to Sungmin.
“I was just wondering how your exam went.”
Siwon got the feeling that this was not really the place to be having this conversation but then nothing that had gone on between him and Sungmin for the past couple of months could have ever been called normal. For Siwon, it was perfectly logical that they would be talking about midterms while Siwon was naked in the shower. It made a hell of a lot more sense than the dancing they had been doing last week.
“Okay,” he said noncommittally, grabbing his body wash because if he didn’t do something with his hands to concentrate on, he would start thinking way too hard about the fact that Sungmin was on the other side of a door that had never seemed so flimsy, and Siwon was naked. “I forgot the chemical make up of silicon so I’m just trying to see if I can remember now.”
“I’m sure that won’t matter in the long run,” Sungmin said, laughter obvious in his voice, and Siwon was forced to acknowledge that as true.
“What about you?” he asked. “I know you were having trouble with calculus.”
“Passable.” A pause, in which Siwon stepped back under the spray of water. The tension was beginning to pool back in his shoulders. It was also beginning to drift through the air between them, coiling around Siwon’s head and making it hard to think straight. He couldn’t think of anything further to say that would possibly make this okay.
Of course, as he usually did, Sungmin said something to purposely make it worse. “You ran away last weekend,” he said mildly. “It hurt a little bit.”
Siwon closed his eyes. Here was something he didn’t want to talk about. He didn’t want to tell Sungmin just how drunk he had been when he’d let Sungmin pull him close and begin dancing with him in a way that put Dirty Dancing to shame. Besides which, the alcohol hadn’t been the only thing that had caused it; sometimes just catching Sungmin’s eye, and seeing the smile that would inevitably cause, was enough to send lazy tendrils of arousal rising up through his body. The reason he’d broken away and left the party soon afterwards had been mostly due to the way those smoky tendrils had threatened to leap into a flame that he didn’t think he’d have the willpower to put out.
“I’m sorry,” Siwon said, putting his high school experience in theatre to good use and managing to put just the right amount of concerned surprise in his voice. “I didn’t realise. I had a meeting the next day.” That much was actually true, though it was a meeting that had taken place at two in the afternoon.
Another silence. Sungmin was simply leaning against the door to the shower stall, doing nothing except subconsciously trapping Siwon in there. Siwon was becoming increasingly horrified as he realised just how erotic he found that thought, that Sungmin was out there but couldn’t get in, and Siwon was in here and couldn’t get out, and one of them would have to break, one of them would have to make a decision that could tip the scales. One of them had to choose whether to tip them down into something that Siwon couldn’t see the end of, or choose to keep this tentative balance as their status quo.
Siwon knew it was cowardly, but he hoped that Sungmin would choose to keep the status quo. Siwon didn’t feel ready to come to terms with whatever this was between them. If it were possible, he’d put off the moment of confrontation until they’d graduated, at which point it hopefully wouldn’t make a difference because there was no rule to say that they had to see each other ever again, despite the mutual friends and common interests. No rule said that just because Siwon knew Heechul who knew Zhou Mi who knew Sungmin, he had to keep contact after graduation and keep this dance going on even longer.
He did acknowledge that the past few months have been hard. He still wasn’t sure where this had come from, the slow feelers that Sungmin had put out as if trying to gauge where Siwon stood, and Siwon had stood firmly on the straight side of the fence but something made him respond to Sungmin’s flirtations, respond to Sungmin’s touches, hold eye contact for a moment longer than was necessary.
Something was making him stand in the shower, aware that Sungmin was on the other side, and feel nothing but vague arousal.
“Are you scared, Siwon?” Sungmin asked, breaking through Siwon’s thoughts like a stone through glass.
“Scared of what?” Siwon asked, instead of saying yes.
“This.”
There could be no denying what this was, though Siwon desperately wanted to tease Sungmin, say “that’s still not helpful,” anything that could help break the tension. He couldn’t, though. He tipped his head back under the water, felt it wash over his eyelids and nose and mouth, and wash away the upper layer of apprehension that he felt.
“Yes,” he whispered.
“It doesn’t have to be,” Sungmin said. There was something in his voice now, an edge that Siwon had never heard before. “The way I could make you feel isn’t going to be scary. You’ll enjoy it, if you want this as much as I think you do.” His voice dropped, lowered, sending another thread of arousal coiling around Siwon’s mind and further hindering his ability to think rationally. “I want this too, Siwon.”
He could admit now that his workout earlier, his mental exercises, and his running had done nothing to help. There could be no helping this feeling. This was not something that would go away easily, but it had to go away. Sungmin had to go away.
He took a step forward, the sound of his footsteps muffled under the sound of the water still hitting the ground, with his mind made up. He did not think that if he asked, Sungmin would refuse to leave. Sungmin would not push the issue if Siwon didn’t want him to. Just ask him to leave, he willed his mouth. Tell him to go away.
Sungmin spoke first though. “Can I come in?”
Startled, Siwon could only ask, “What?”
There was the shuffle of feet as Sungmin turned his front towards the door. “Can I come in,” he repeated simply.
Siwon’s first reaction was, worryingly, to say yes. Instead of that, he stood, half in the water and half out, breathing slowly to calm his heart. “I don’t understand,” he said after a pause that threatened to stretch on for too long. His voice wavered only a little.
“Yes, you do,” Sungmin said quietly.
Siwon closed his eyes, scrunching them as if to force himself out of this world and into one where this wasn’t happening. But then he opened them and he was still here and Sungmin was still on the other side and he could continue running or he could confront this right here and now and go with the consequences.
He reached out a hand, noting as if it wasn’t his own that it was shaking, and slid back the lock on the door. Despite the sound of the water, the sound of metal scraping against metal seemed too loud, too grating, too final. He clasped the edge of the door and pulled it open, resisting the urge to hide behind it. Resisting the urge to cover himself with his hands was harder but he managed that too.
A flicker of surprise crossed Sungmin’s face but passed after a second, replaced by something Siwon recognised as having given that edge to Sungmin’s voice earlier: triumph. Sungmin had known he was winning. Maybe he didn’t think victory would come so quickly, but he’d known he was winning.
Sungmin’s eyes fluttered down, lingering on certain parts of Siwon’s body. Siwon blushed, unable to help it. Sungmin looked back up and then bit his bottom lip, like he was contemplating his next move.
It was almost a comfort to know that Sungmin was unsure for that split second, before he gave Siwon that smile which had so utterly undone him last weekend. Siwon stepped back in a silent invitation. Sungmin stepped in and stayed silent as Siwon closed the door behind him. He thought for a moment and then locked it.
Sungmin took a step closer, a challenge in a way, and which Siwon failed miserably in the face of because he took a step back, his back pressing against the cubicle wall. Sungmin’s smile threatened to become a grin.
Siwon, however, was a sportsman, and he knew all about challenges. His competitive streak wasn’t going to let him lose this one.
He curled a hand around Sungmin’s shoulder and pulled him forward the couple of steps necessary for Sungmin to put his hand on Siwon’s chest, damp from the shower which was still switched on. He spread his fingers out, the tip of the middle finger at the top of Siwon’s breastbone. Siwon struggled on breathing through the swirling panic and fear and overwhelming want.
He cupped Sungmin’s jaw, leaned in as Sungmin’s eyes closed, kissed him softly. No need to rush. Sungmin made the kind of noise that sent Siwon’s head reeling again, a low whimper which belied Sungmin’s feelings a lot more than any expression on his face had thus far. He pulled back and looked Siwon straight in the eyes, holding his gaze as long as it took for Siwon to back him into the water. Sungmin’s clothes darkened and clung to his body, and Siwon could appreciate that. It was almost a preview of a future show.
Sungmin laughed, sliding his hands through Siwon’s hair and tugging him closer. “I didn’t think you’d go for this,” he said, turning his face into the spray of water currently soaking him. “I thought...well, I didn’t think it would be so soon, in any case.”
Siwon didn’t know what to say to that, so he didn’t say anything, merely sliding his arms around Sungmin’s waist and kissing him, more fiercely than before, like he had been desperate to do last weekend but had ultimately stopped himself from doing. He touched his tongue to Sungmin’s lips, urged him to open up so that Siwon could lick inside, tasting him with every taste bud.
Then he realised what he could say and he pulled back and caught Sungmin’s chin when he tried to lean back into the kiss. “Is this a game to you?” he asked quietly. A challenge he could live with, but he didn’t want to play around here. “Were you just trying to see how long it took to get me into bed?”
Sungmin’s breath caught, a shudder passing down his body, but it wasn’t fear; he pressed himself closer to Siwon even as Siwon tried to pull away. “You,” he said, murmuring over the water, “are not a game.”
Siwon shut his eyes and felt his way back to Sungmin’s mouth, catching the edge of his jaw before their lips met again, and now Sungmin was in control, kissing with the kind of finesse that Siwon didn’t think he could ever hope to develop. It was all he could do to stay upright, all he could do to remember to breathe.
When Sungmin pulled back, it was only so that he could press a kiss to the edge of Siwon’s mouth. “Besides,” he added, “we’re not even in a bed.”
“No,” Siwon said breathlessly, trying to bring their mouths back together once more, “I suppose we aren’t.”
Siwon’s thoughts were babbling away, completely out of his control, as they kissed again. It was the kind of dirty, open-mouthed kiss that Siwon would have felt a little embarrassed to be having if he was fully clothed, but he wasn’t, and he was beginning to feel grateful for that as Sungmin ground their hips together and the drag of material against Siwon’s erection knocked even the babbling thoughts clear from his head.
So then it was just the kisses and the flame of desire that he had no way of dousing now, so strong that he thought he would be perfectly willing to come simply by grinding into Sungmin’s erection pressing against his jeans. Sungmin’s hands slid down his back and gripped his ass, pulling him closer and then breaking the kiss to hiss in frustration.
He pulled Sungmin’s t-shirt up, bunching it under his arms for a second before Sungmin lifted his arms and let Siwon pull it up over his head and drop it onto the floor, instantly a sodden heap that Siwon nudged out of the way with his foot. He ran his hands down Sungmin’s chest, down over his stomach, and then back up, thumbs brushing over Sungmin’s nipples.
Sungmin shivered, pressed their erections together more insistently, and Siwon gasped, horribly aware that if this continued for much longer, he really would come with his crotch pressed against Sungmin’s clothed one. He struggled to rectify that, managing to get Sungmin’s top button undone before Sungmin pulled away abruptly.
“What-” Siwon said, holding his hands out palm up, unsure if he’d done something wrong and wanting to lower the threat he may have posed. Sungmin, however, just grinned at him, leaned in, sucked Siwon’s bottom lip through his teeth, and then sank to his knees.
Siwon’s capacity for rational thought left him like someone had hit him over the head, and for a second he found himself so breathless that it was like a sucker punch to the stomach. Sungmin’s hand curled around his hip, thumb pressing in as a brand; Siwon could feel the light sting of a fingernail digging into skin, as though every nerve had just stood up and taken attention.
Sungmin’s breath ghosted around the head of Siwon’s erection and then there was a soft press of lips and then - Siwon scrambled for something to keep him connected to reality as Sungmin’s lips moved down his cock, enveloping him in heat almost to the base. A pause, Siwon’s gasping breaths and the water cascading down the only noise, before Sungmin pulled back, until his mouth was around only the head, and he flicked his tongue against the slit and -
Siwon’s scrambling hands knocked against the temperature dial and turned the water ice cold in an instant. Sungmin fell back, yelping as it spilled down mostly over him. Siwon had pressed back far enough against the wall that the cold spray hit only his hair. He quickly shut the water off but kept one hand against the valve; he didn’t know what to do with his hands.
Sungmin leaned back on his haunches, looking up at Siwon through his wet hair, a smile just tugging at the corner of his mouth. Without a word, he reached up and took Siwon’s wrists in his hands, pulling them until he had placed them on his own head. After a second of uncertainty, Siwon slid one hand through the strands but let the other drift down to Sungmin’s cheek. His fingertips touched Sungmin’s jaw, his thumb pressed against his mouth and then Sungmin let his mouth fall open, almost submissively, so that the digit fell into his mouth and against his tongue.
Quick as a flash his mouth closed and he sucked, pressing the flat of his tongue against the pad of the thumb. Siwon made a noise of surprise that sounded like “ah!” and began to feel the first strains of absolute desperation; he wanted to come so badly now, his mind a haze of need. The desire in his groin had sharpened into a pain shot through with pleasure. Sungmin had been right. There was nothing to fear in this.
Sungmin released his thumb and Siwon placed his hand on Sungmin’s shoulder, almost bracing himself as Sungmin took his cock in his mouth again and began sucking. Siwon’s head tipped back, mouth falling open in reckless abandon. There was no one else here to see this or hear this, so he let himself moan, let his fingers tighten in Sungmin’s hair, let the emotions wash over him.
He hadn’t done this a lot, certainly hadn’t done this with a guy before, but there could be no denying that Sungmin was good. Siwon tried to not think about how Sungmin had got quite this good and found it remarkably easy to do because who needed to think about anything when Sungmin’s mouth was around his cock and when Sungmin didn’t seem to give a fuck if Siwon tugged on his hair or accidentally thrust his hips. In fact, Sungmin seemed to quite like that, if the way his hand tightened around Siwon’s hip seemed to be any suggestion.
Siwon felt the tightening in his groin, the need narrowing to a pinpoint and tried to detangle his hand from Sungmin’s hair, tried to pull away before he came, but it didn’t work and all that happened was that Sungmin’s head was yanked to the side. He felt, rather than heard, Sungmin gasp, then there was another sly flick of the tongue against the slit and Siwon came with a soft cry.
It took more than a few seconds for the pleasure to fade and when he let his eyes open, Sungmin was climbing slowly to his feet. His lips were swollen, his cheeks flushed, and eyes glazed. When Siwon kissed him, Sungmin reacted a second behind, as if his lust was now the only thing that he could concentrate on. Siwon pressed his palm against Sungmin’s erection and was rewarded with a desperate jerk upwards into it. “Please, Siwon,” Sungmin said against Siwon’s mouth. “Please.”
Siwon eased the wet jeans and underwear down over Sungmin’s hips and hesitated for just a moment before he slid his thumb over the head of Sungmin’s cock and then wrapped his fingers slowly around it. Sungmin gave another gasp and Siwon took advantage of that, kissing him hungrily.
Soon afterwards, Sungmin pulled away a little, his kisses barely even there as he lost himself in whatever Siwon could think of to do with his hand. Siwon pulled back and watched him, drinking in the way Sungmin bit his bottom lip so hard that it was turning pale. As Siwon’s hand moved, Sungmin’s hips jerked up in tense movements, almost as though he was attempting to hold himself back.
Siwon felt arousal begin to flare back up as Sungmin’s mouth fell open and he gave a breathless murmur of Siwon’s name. Siwon smiled lazily. He licked a stripe up Sungmin’s neck. Then it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to press kisses to every inch of skin that he could easily reach as he strove to bring Sungmin to completion; across Sungmin’s jaw, light against his eyelids, teasingly against his mouth.
“Why are you so quiet?” he whispered into Sungmin’s ear. “There’s no one here to hear you. You can be as loud as you want. You can be as loud as I want you to be.”
Sungmin looked as though he was having trouble breathing and so it took a minute before he managed to say, “I didn’t - think you’d be like this.”
Siwon bit against the shell of Sungmin’s ear, letting his strokes slow, become more deliberate. “Disappointed?”
“No,” Sungmin moaned, then; “Fuck, there, keep doing that-”
Siwon did so, noting the way it knocked Sungmin breathless for seconds at a time, then caused him to whimper afterwards, and filed it away for use at another time, giving no thought to the knowledge that there was going to be another time. This, after so many months of denial, was not something he wanted to let go of easily.
The sudden tensing was the only forewarning Siwon got before Sungmin came, his cry muffled against the kiss that Siwon had pressed to his mouth not seconds beforehand. The grip of his hand on Siwon’s shoulder tightened painfully and then went limp as Siwon coaxed out the orgasm.
As Sungmin tried to regain his breath, Siwon turned on the shower to let the water wash away the stickiness that threatened to develop at any moment. After a moment, Sungmin smiled at him, and awkwardness broke through the stirrings of satisfaction and renewed lust. He was suddenly acutely aware of his nakedness in a way that he hadn’t been earlier. Bizarre, really, considering what they had just done.
Sungmin bent down and picked up his clothes, now too wet to wear. “We didn’t really think that through,” he said.
Siwon shut the shower off. “I’ll go get you something to wear,” he said, reaching for his towel. He thought for a second and then draped it over Sungmin’s head, rubbing softly to take the edge off the water. When he lifted it back to rub his own hair, Sungmin was grinning.
“Good,” he said, “because after that, I think it’s only proper that you buy me dinner.”
Siwon backed him up against the wall of the cubicle, damp slick skin pressed together. Yes, dinner, soon, but for now, Sungmin was wearing a triumphant expression and was eyeing Siwon’s body like he thought he had won. Siwon firmly intended to kiss that expression into oblivion.