ISS 2011: FOR KUROIIMIYUMI
To: kuroiimiyumi
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Caffeinated Love
Pairing/Focus: Sunggyu/Woohyun
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~8,100w
Summary: “You can't just assume by yourself that I'm going to change, hyung,” Woohyun mutters, his voice low and timid. He's never used that kind of tone before. Something breaks inside him, and a lot of unsaid words are hanging in the air, suffocating. Sunggyu pulls his hand back and takes a step back, hoping that Woohyun would understand; that he's afraid of getting hurt.
∞
Sunggyu sees the man for the first time on a Thursday afternoon, just after the rush hour has ended and only three tables in the café are occupied. He only has one other employee with him, a part-timer-Sungjong, still in high school-who is reading a magazine instead of working. Sunggyu knows that the storage room is still disorganized and the counter is dirty, but Sunggyu's playing with the old radio beside the cash register, so he's in no position to scold the younger boy.
It's all pretty calm, when suddenly he hears a loud creak, and when he turns his attention away from his radio to the source of noise, a man is getting slapped across the face.
More than a little shocked, Sunggyu watches as the girl, who had been sitting at the table near the window, stands up, panting slightly. She's crying and her eyes are filled with anger. “You're a jerk, Nam Woohyun,” she spits out, and takes the cup of coffee on the table, pouring it on the man in front of her. “Have fun with your life without me!” The girl snaps, and throws the empty cup to the ground, running out of the café.
The rest of the café is quiet, the rest of the customers furtively eyeing the man from where they sit. The man doesn't say anything; he simply closes his eyes and sighs deeply, wipes his dripping face with a rough brush of his hand before turning to the counter. “Excuse me,” he raises a hand, “can I have a tissue?”
Fortunately, Sungjong stops gaping and rushes over to the man, trying to digest what the hell just happened. Sunggyu eyes his employee as he takes care of the mess on the floor and the table, while the man apologizes to Sungjong. They talk for a minute or two, before the man takes his bag on the chair beside him, nods to Sunggyu-he closes his mouth and bows back-and leaves.
Sungjong throws the dirty cloth into the laundry bag Sunggyu has in the back of the room. “Poor guy got dumped by his girlfriend,” he tells Sunggyu, and goes back to his magazine.
“I can see that,” Sunggyu replies, still eyeing the table where the scene had taken place less than five minutes ago. “That was quite a scene.”
“Apparently the girl is a clingy bitch,” Sungjong says, and when Sunggyu gives him a look, he shrugs. “He didn't actually say it, but that's what I got from his story.”
Sunggyu frowns. “What story?” Sungjong shrugs again at that, proceeding to ignore Sunggyu in favor of the stupid astrology page in his magazine, and Sunggyu makes a mental note to hire people who actually listen to him in the future.
The next time Sunggyu sees him again it's two days later, at eight twenty in the morning. The café is full with the morning crowd, people grabbing coffee for the long day they'll face ahead, so he goes down to help his employees take orders, sort out change for the customers and shout out the drinks the baristas need to make. He's just finished jotting down the name of the last customer who ordered a caramel latte when a shadow hovers over his notepad.
“Just a second,” he says without looking up, passing the plastic cup to one of his employees before he takes a deep breath and prepares a bright smile. “Good morning, how can-ah.”
Upon looking up, Sunggyu is greeted by the man from yesterday. Up close, Sunggyu thinks that the girl from yesterday has a reason to be a 'clingy bitch', as Sungjong puts it, because even with ridiculous bed head, Sunggyu has to admit that the man is good-looking, with his sharp nose and jawline and really, really nice lips.
Sunggyu blinks. “How can I help you?”
The man looks at Sunggyu for a while, as if contemplating something, until Sunggyu starts to fidget uncomfortably under his gaze. Eventually, he looks up to the menu behind the counter, and mumbles a soft, “Americano.”
Sunggyu nods, typing something to the cash machine. “Size?”
The man shrugs. “Small?”
“Regular, then,” Sunggyu presses another button. “Here or takeaway?”
“Takeaway,” the man replies, pushing a twenty thousand bill across the table.
Sunggyu takes it and there's a clink as he opens the cash register. “That'll be four thousand, and you've got twenty thousand here,” he says cheerfully, and can feel the man start to smile without even having to look up. Sunggyu takes the smallest paper cup from the stack beside him, pulling out a marker from his pocket. “What name would this be under?”
“Woohyun,” the man answers, and when Sunggyu looks up at him, there's a small smile, just as he thought. “It's Nam Woohyun.”
Sunggyu smiles back. “Nam Woohyun,” he repeats, scrawling down the name, and passing it to a barista. “Here's your change, and you can pick up your order over there. Have a nice day.”
He holds out the receipt and change, and when their fingers brush for a fraction of a second, Sunggyu feels warmth creep over his cheeks. What is wrong with you, he scolds himself, and the man-Nam Woohyun-gives him a grin. “You too, Kim Sunggyu.”
It takes Sunggyu a moment to realize that he doesn't have his nametag on and when he does, Woohyun is already gone, the door swinging shut behind him. “Uh,” he says loudly, failing to notice the woman who's tapping her fingers impatiently on the wooden table.
“Excuse me,” the woman says, clearly annoyed, and Sunggyu snaps awake from his daze, ignoring the curious look his employees throw him.
(When he's checking the receipts to put them in the income book, he realizes he has his name at the end of each of them, a fading 'Kim Sunggyu'.)
It's Sunday night, and the café is empty as usual; the normal rush of customers won't flood in until tomorrow morning. The only employee left-a university student called Sungyeol this time, also a part-timer-is sleeping on the counter, but Sunggyu decides not to bother him because it's only half an hour before the café's closing time anyway. Instead, Sunggyu winds up sitting at one of the tables in the café, doing the games and quizzes in one of the boring magazines his café has (his dad suggested once that boring magazines are a match made in heaven with bitter coffee, so Sunggyu keeps stocking up on them though his younger costumers protest about it).
“Your coffee is too bitter,” a voice suddenly tells him, and Sunggyu looks up from the crossword he's doing to a man who he, surprisingly, recognizes. “I'd like it if you could add a little bit more sugar.”
Sunggyu frowns at the man-Nam Woohyun, his mind pulls the memory from the back of his head-and puts down his marker. “I wasn't the one who made it,” he says, sitting up straighter, “but I'll tell the barista. Do you have, uh, any other preference or something that we can take note of?”
“Not really,” Woohyun shrugs, “but I can't really drink bitter coffee, so make it extra sweet?”
Sunggyu tilts the head to the side with a thoughtful smile. “Then I'd suggest you order hot chocolate instead? It's one of our specialties, too.”
"But I need coffee to keep me awake," Woohyun says, shoving his hands inside his pockets. "The only problem is that I don't like the taste. But hot chocolate just makes me even sleepier."
Sunggyu has no clue why Woohyun is telling him all of this when he could just ask the cashiers for more sugar in the future. Then again, the customer is always right, and Sunggyu doesn't really have anything better to do. "I can always teach you a way to drink coffee without it tasting so bitter," he offers.
Woohyun raises an eyebrow, looking interested. “You actually have a way to fix it?”
“Hey, my café is popular for a reason.” Sunggyu grins, and he feels a little embarrassed when Woohyun laughs at that, but he stands up anyway and motions for the other man to follow him. “I have plenty of ways to make people learn to love coffee.”
“Or you're just being nice,” Woohyun points out, and Sunggyu turns to look at him in confusion. “I mean, to the customers. Maybe they're like me, who need it but can't drink it.”
Sunggyu lets out a breath he doesn't realize he's holding. “Not really,” he shrugs. “But helping people doesn't hurt, I guess. Oy,” he says, and pokes Sungyeol to wake him up. Sungyeol scrambles to his feet, blinking blearily while Sunggyu gestures to Woohyun. “Can you make one Americano for him?”
“With sugar,” Woohyun adds as Sunggyu slips behind the counter and starts typing things into the cash machine. “A lot of it.”
“You heard him,” Sunggyu tells Sungyeol, who is walking slowly to the coffee machine. “And that will be three thousand and two hundred won, by the way.”
“Oh, so I actually need to pay for it,” Woohyun says with a mock-hurt tone, and he grins when Sunggyu looks apologetic. “Just kidding.”
Sunggyu huffs as he takes the five thousand bills Woohyun slips across the table, and is just about to give him his change when Sungyeol comes back with the coffee in hand. “Uh, I don't know how sweet you want it to be, so I put in two spoonfuls of sugar,” Sungyeol says.
Woohyun takes the cup with a thankful smile. “That's enough,” he says, and takes a sip. Sunggyu almost laughs at how his face contorts and he pulls away a little from his cup, eyeing it mournfully. “Or not.”
Sunggyu lets out a soft laugh then, trying not to offend his customer. He bends down to rummage around in the cabinets below, and when he straightens again, Woohyun is looking at him curiously. “Now this,” he says, pushing a small cube towards the other man, “is something that can help you.”
Woohyun moves closer and takes the red cube, no bigger than his thumb, to his palm. “Sugar cube?”
“Chocolate,” Sunggyu corrects Woohyun with a smile, then scratches the back of his neck shyly. “It's actually my snack if I get bored when the café is empty or I have no work. It gets rid of the bitterness. You should try it.”
Woohyun looks doubtful, but he puts his coffee on the counter and starts unwrapping the chocolate. It's dark brown, with white patches around it, and he pauses to look up at Sunggyu. “So how do I do this? I just eat the whole thing then gulp down my coffee?”
Sunggyu widens his eyes. “Of course not,” he says, “that'll ruin your stomach. You eat it little by little, a small bite for a sip.”
“This much chocolate is enough?”
“Just try it, okay?”
Woohyun still looks uncertain, but he bites off a tiny piece of chocolate, taking a sip of his coffee. He's quiet for a moment, tasting, and after a while, he takes another bite and drinks.
Sunggyu grins, folding his arms across his chest. “Good?”
“Good,” Woohyun answers with a small laugh. Sunggyu's stomach flips at that, but he gives it no thought. Not even when the man gives him a thankful look, and he feels blood rushing to his cheeks. Not at all. “Really good.”
Woohyun comes almost every day after that, mostly in the morning and at night, when Sunggyu and his employees are getting ready to close the café. Sunggyu tells him to come earlier on his fifth visit, because the coffee machine are already turned off by the time Woohyun comes around, but Woohyun shrugs and tells him that his practice usually ends around that time.
(Sunggyu doesn't ask what practice, but he finds out from Sungjong that Woohyun is apparently a trainee at a newly established entertainment company three blocks from there. It kind of makes sense, judging from his look and attitude alone. It's not that trainees have an attitude, but there's something in the way Woohyun carries himself that makes Sunggyu thinks of superstardom.)
Tenth visit-Sunggyu isn't counting, no-and Woohyun has managed to befriend everyone who works there, and one day, introduces Sunggyu to Dongwoo, after Sunggyu told Woohyun he needed more employees. Dongwoo was apparently Woohyun's senior in high school before Woohyun dropped out to give all his time to practicing.
Sunggyu raises an eyebrow at that. “You dropped out?”
“Yeah,” Woohyun says, taking a bite of his chocolate and sipping his coffee. “Gotta make a decision for myself.”
“Your parents allow it?”
“They didn't, at first,” Woohyun replies carelessly, as if he has been talking about that particular subject a thousand times. He probably has. “But I was so determined that they kind of give up, and now here I am.”
Sunggyu whistles and sits back on his chair. “That's kind of cool.”
There's a moment when Woohyun looks down at his cup, a moment when Sunggyu can actually feel Woohyun's dream, Woohyun's efforts. Sunggyu watches him carefully, almost afraid to talk, but then Woohyun's lips break into a grin and he wiggles his eyebrows. “I know, right,” he says, and Sunggyu pushes the younger boy away, shaking his head.
In turn, Sunggyu tells him about his small café. He tells Woohyun about how the café, to be honest, was not part of the plan when he told his parents that he was going to university in Seoul. At least not part of the plan he let his parents know about. It's been a little dream he built in the back of his mind, to have a little café where he can serve people, where he can see people enjoying something he makes, where people can smile at something that he gives.
He didn't even expect it to work out when he gave the resignation letter to the art school he'd been attending, and used the tuition and college money from his parents that he had been saving for the last two years to buy a little building; but it does, and here he is now. His parents have long since passed the phase where they refused to talk to him, and now his dad even tells him that he doesn't drink coffee from any other place. It's kind of flattering.
As Sunggyu tells Woohyun all of it over a piece of cake-he forgets when he started letting Woohyun eat the leftover cake in the café during his late night visit, but at least Woohyun pays for them-Woohyun gives him a respectful look, a small smile on his face. “That's really cool, too,” Woohyun nods, as if giving his approval. “Almost as cool as me.”
“Shut up,” Sunggyu laughs, and shoves a spoonful of cake into Woohyun's mouth.
One Wednesday morning, a few months later, almost all of Sunggyu's employees call in sick one week, so he's on the floor, rubbing the mud stain on the wooden floor with a wet cloth, while his other two employees try to keep up with the people coming in for breakfast, juggling taking orders, making drinks and putting cakes and sandwiches on plates.
A few hours into the day, Woohyun bursts through the door, his face beaming, and he calls for Sunggyu with a loud voice. “Hy-wait, where is he,” Sunggyu can hear Woohyun's voice over the buzz in the café, and his employees were probably pointing in his general direction, because he looks up to see Woohyun crouching in front of him with a weird face, his face turning red, the way it always does when he's biting back his laughter.
Sunggyu ignores him and wipes the floor harder. “Shut up,” he hisses, and Woohyun finally bursts into laughter. It's pretty loud, too. Sunggyu contemplates gagging him with the wet dirty piece of fabric in his hand.
“Our mighty manager-nim, cleaning the floor with his own hands,” Woohyun teases, wiping an imaginary tear from the corner of his eyes. “This is pretty funny.”
“I'm sure it'll be pretty funny to have this thing on your face, too,” Sunggyu tells him, holding up the cloth, and Woohyun laughs harder, holding onto his sides. “If you have nothing else to say, please leave.”
“Okay, okay, no more laughing.” Woohyun puts up his hands in defense, shifting away a little from Sunggyu. “Besides, I have something to tell you.”
Sunggyu sighs, letting a small smile surface. “Shoot.” Woohyun's expression brightens at that, and he turns to take something out of his pocket. It's a crumpled piece of paper, and the text on it is short. Sunggyu tilts his head. “What is it?”
“From my CEO,” Woohyun says, and Sunggyu freezes.
“CEO?”
“The head of my company?” Woohyun says, his tone indicating Sunggyu's being stupid, and maybe he is, because it's like Sunggyu can feel his brain working slower, slower, slower. “Anyway, that's not the point. Here, read it.”
Woohyun shoves the paper to his face, and Sunggyu puts down the cloth in his hand slowly, wiping his hand on his apron before he takes the paper from Woohyun. He reads it then, and something catches in his throat. When Sunggyu turns to the younger boy, Woohyun is looking at him expectantly. Sunggyu swallows. “You're debuting in a month.”
“Yes,” Woohyun lets out a laugh then, his eyes crinkling and smile lines appearing on his face. His smile brightens and widens so much that it nearly hurts Sunggyu's eyes. “A month from now, my hard work will pay off, and I'll finally be doing what I've been dreaming of. A month, hyung. I can't believe this is happening.”
Sunggyu feels a sting at the corner of his eyes. “Okay.”
He can feel Woohyun's eyes on him, so he doesn't continue and simply stares at his fingers. “You don't look happy,” Woohyun says, “Or are you so happy that you're speechless?”
Sunggyu speaks before he can think better of it. “Why?”
Woohyun pauses. “Why what?”
Sunggyu tries to hide his fingers between the wet cloth, but Woohyun is probably too happy to notice that they are trembling anyway. “Why are you telling me?”
Woohyun furrows his eyebrows, his lips twisting into a confused smile. “I'm not supposed to?”
“Yes? No-” Sunggyu shakes his head, telling his brain to work. “I don't know? I think it's up to you, but I don't. I.”
It's probably the tone Sunggyu has or his expression, but Woohyun's frown deepens and he bends down to look into Sunggyu's eyes, searching. “Hey,” he says, but Sunggyu turns his head to look anywhere but at Woohyun. “What's wrong?”
“I,” Sunggyu tries, but his voice is stuck, and he can't bring his voice to sound normal, so he stops. He clears his throat. “I think you should go home, Woohyun.”
“Hyung?” Woohyun sounds confused, and maybe a little bit hurt.
Sunggyu feels stupid, but he shakes his head. “We can talk when the café is less full. It's busy, I need to work.”
When Sunggyu dares to look back at Woohyun, Woohyun is frowning; he obviously knows that Sunggyu is lying, but he doesn't say anything. He stands up, his expression still puzzled, and there's is something else in Woohyun's eyes, something that Sunggyu cannot place; it saps Sunggyu of his courage, so he averts his eyes again. “I'll come back later,” he says slowly, his eyes not leaving Sunggyu. “I guess.”
“Yeah,” Sunggyu replies, staring at the pattern on the floor. He can feel tears start to gather, and his eyes hurt. He's hurt. He has no idea what he's doing. “Okay.”
“See you, then?” It's a question, but Sunggyu exhales and doesn't answer, doesn't even turn to say goodbye. He can see Woohyun's shoes backing away. He doesn't look up when the other leaves, but he hears the loud jingle. Sunggyu tries his best not to think about the twinge in his chest.
The weather turns bad-it's been raining almost every day for the past two weeks, so Sunggyu kind of expects it when he wakes up the next day and finds out that his temperature is pretty high. If anything, he's kind of glad that he's sick. He doesn't go down to the café for the next three days, and sends an apology text to his employees, stating that he's down with a fever, which isn't entirely a lie. His employees send him a get-well-soon text as a reply, and they don't ask why Woohyun keeps asking them where the café owner is, even though Sungjong does tell him, 'please open your eyes, hyung'.
He deletes that text message (along with Woohyun's are you okay? and hyung, what's wrong and i don't get it), and just pulls his blanket over his head.
Woohyun doesn't go to the café on the day he goes back to work, but on his way home, Sunggyu does find Woohyun crouching against the door to his apartment, his hoodie pulled up and fingers fiddling with his cellphone. Sunggyu freezes on his step, and he's a second away from running back to the store and probably sleeping in the storage room, but as if on cue, Woohyun looks up. His eyes widen and he pulls out his earphones, scrambling to his feet. Sunggyu takes a step back.
They don't say anything, and Sunggyu still refuses to look at Woohyun direcly.
“You,” Woohyun starts, and Sunggyu hopes he doesn't see Sunggyu's shoulders tense up. “I heard you're sick.”
“Yeah,” Sunggyu says, his laugh sounding off even to his own ears. “Bad weather finally got to me.”
“I see,” Woohyun nods. “Are you better then?”
Sunggyu doesn't know what exactly gets to him, but there's something in the way Woohyun is looking at him, the way he lets Sunggyu off for being an asshole, that doubles the guilt he's feeling in his gut. “Look,” Sunggyu finally says, and rubs his face. “I'm sorry.”
Woohyun looks taken aback. “For what?”
“For not being happy,” Sunggyu says. “For ignoring you. Avoiding you. I don't know. I just feel like I need to apologize.”
Woohyun just looks at him with sad eyes, as if he's expecting Sunggyu to say something else. “You shouldn't say sorry if you don't know what you're saying it for.”
“It's not that I don't. It's just-“ he pauses to take a breath, to think about what to say, because he has a lot to say, and this. He needs to say it. “It's complicated. It's in my head. I don't know how to say it, how to tell you. I don't know what I'm doing. It's just, ever since I got to know you, my head's been really messed up. By you, I mean. I don't know.”
“So it's my fault,” Woohyun concludes.
Sunggyu bites his lip. “No. I guess? It's mostly my fault, but-look,” he runs a hand through his hair. “Woohyun. I think we should stop this.”
Sunggyu knows Woohyun understands, but the other still asks, “Stop what?”
“This,” he gestures towards the both of them, slightly frantic. “You and I, me and you. This thing that's between us. I don't think this is right, not anymore.”
Woohyun looks at him with thoughtful eyes, but he shakes his head and lets out a tired chuckle. Giving up. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“Woohyun,” Sunggyu says, more firm, and it makes Woohyun glance up from the tips of his shoes. “You're debuting. It's-don't you understand what it means? Do you know how big it is for you? How it will affect me? Can't you understand why we can't-why I can't have feelings for you?”
Woohyun's lips turn into a straight line. “Oh. I didn't know-“
“You did, Nam Woohyun,” Sunggyu sighs, because they both know. There has always been this mutual feeling between them; something that Sunggyu knows exists, and Woohyun's not that blind. “You have, all along.”
Woohyun watches him, his gaze heavy. “Did you know that it's not one-sided, then?”
Sunggyu scoffs at that, sounding incredulous. “Don't you get it? It's not about our feelings, not anymore. It's about you, being someone else, something else. This is about how you will change, how the change will eventually change us, and I don't want that. I can't. I'm sorry, but I'm not,” he takes a breath, eyes flicking away from Woohyun's. “It's just not possible for me.”
“You can't just assume by yourself that I'm going to change, hyung,” Woohyun mutters, his voice low and timid. He's never used that kind of tone before. Sunggyu tells the lump in his chest to fuck off. “It's not fair.”
“Okay,” Sunggyu says, and he sounds a little hysterical, and he feels ridiculous, but why can't Woohyun understand? “So let's say you won't change. Let's say you'll still be the same. But what about the people around you? What about the world, then? Woohyun, once you debut, it will never be about us anymore. It's only going to be about your world and my world. Can't you place yourself in my shoes for a while?”
When Woohyun doesn't respond and drops his gaze, Sunggyu shakes his head and sighs. “You broke up.”
Woohyun frowns at that. “What?”
“You broke up with your girlfriend,” Sunggyu tells him again, and he has no idea why he's even bringing it up, but he has to. He needs Woohyun to understand, before this all ends. “On the first day we met. I was there.”
Woohyun's soft laugh is confused, but it's also sceptical. “What's that got to do with anything?”
“A lot?” Sunggyu knows he sounds desperate now, but he gulps down all his pride and continues, “Everything? It's just-I don't want to be her.”
“It won't happen,” Woohyun answers immediately, as if he doesn't need to think about it. “It's not going to happen. Hyung, I won't-“
“Just,” he holds out a hand, and it makes Woohyun stop. He stares at his fingers instead of Woohyun. “Let's just stop here.”
Something breaks inside him when he actually says it out loud, and a lot of unsaid words are hanging in the air, suffocating. Sunggyu pulls his hand back and takes a step back, hoping that Woohyun would understand.
That probably does it, because Woohyun closes his eyes for a moment and exhales. “Too bad then,” Woohyun finally says, stepping back, and Sunggyu holds down the urge to reach out and keep him there, because. It's not something he can do, not anymore. He can feel the gap between them widens, but it's not like he can stop what he started first. “I'm starting to like bitter coffee, too.”
Sunggyu sighs. His head hurts. “Bye, Woohyun. I wish you luck.”
Woohyun stays quiet for a while, before he gives him a small smile; it doesn't reach his eyes, and it makes Sunggyu want to stab something, preferably himself. He looks into Woohyun's eyes for the last time, he can see hurt, longing-pain-in Woohyun's eyes and his resolve slips for a second, but-
Bye, hyung.”
Sunggyu doesn't cry. It only makes sense, he thinks, because men his age don't let stupid things like heartbreak make their tears fall. Sunggyu feels perfectly fine.
“You're an idiot,” Sungjong says, when Sunggyu is gazing at the drops of water against the big window around his café. Sunggyu turns to glare at him, but Sungjong just scoffs and goes to warm a chocolate cake for a visitor.
Sunggyu narrows his eyes at the back of Sungjong's head. “Why is he being mean to me,” he sighs, and Dongwoo, who's sitting behind the cashier counter beside him, gives him a gentle smile.
“Sungjong's not being mean,” he says, doodling on a piece of tissue. “He's just worried.”
Sunggyu raises his eyebrows. “But I'm fine?”
“Sure, hyung.”
There's a jarringly obvious disbelief somewhere under Dongwoo's words, and it annoys Sunggyu that his employee is being not supportive at all. “I'm not lying, Dongwoo-yah.”
Dongwoo pauses, before he puts down his marker and holds out his tissue for Sunggyu to see. “Look, hyung,” he says, pointing a doodle of two stickmen in the middle of the crumple white tissue, their hands sticking to each other. Sunggyu stares. “It takes two hands to clap. Or, in your case, two heads to think, two hearts to decide.”
Sunggyu doesn't understand the point of the doodle at all, but he gets Dongwoo's point. Kind of. “You've been talking to Woohyun.”
Dongwoo laughs, and Sunggyu buries his face into his palms with a groan. “Well, he's a friend,” he admits, crumples the tissue into a small ball and throws it into the dustbin. “I'm just saying. It won't hurt to listen to his view of the whole thing.”
But it's not that simple. It's at the edge of Sunggyu's tongue, but he bites his lip and stops, deciding that trying to explain will not bring them anywhere. “You don't understand, Dongwoo.”
“I know I don't,” Dongwoo lets out a sigh, a little bit tired but also understanding. “But you do, hyung, and I believe you know that he does, too.”
Sunggyu can't answer that, and Dongwoo pats his back comfortingly, before getting up. He can hear Dongwoo telling Sungjong not to bother him, and Sunggyu thinks he needs to raise Dongwoo's paycheck or something.
It takes Sunggyu a couple of weeks to finally put Nam Woohyun out of his mind. He doesn't manage to delete his contact number, but he figures they can probably still be friends when he gets over his stupid crush, so it's still an accomplishment.
(He also still jerks up immediately every time the bell of the door jingles at his café around the time Woohyun usually stopped by, but he can work on it slowly. He has time. It's okay.)
So.
It's ten to twelve, and he's closing the store, putting the last stool on top of the table. The others already went home an hour ago, and Sunggyu is about to turn off the light and go back when there's a jingle above the door. Sunggyu turns and squints his eyes. “I'm sorry,” he says, “we're already closed.”
“I know,” the man says, and when he steps into the light, Sunggyu finds his heart jumping into the back of his throat.
It's Woohyun's friend. He has brought his friends a couple times before, pushing them to Sunggyu and introducing them as 'future bandmates'. And this man before him is one of them. He thinks he's the one who Woohyun brought to the café most often, because Sunggyu can recognize him almost immediately, even before he takes off the black mask that covers half of his face.
“Um,” Sunggyu says, “Can I help you?”
“You're Sunggyu, right?”
Sunggyu takes a step back, almost defensive. “I am.”
He eyed Sunggyu carefully. “I'm Myungsoo. I've been here before, but I don't know if you remember me or not. I'm-“
“Woohyun's friend,” Sunggyu interrupts him. “Yeah, I remember you.”
“Oh. Okay, that's good,” he looks down to his shoes, contemplating. “I'm also Woohyun's bandmate.”
I know, Sunggyu wants to say. “And?”
Myungsoo fidgets with the ties of his mask, as if he's trying to decide whether he should say what he's going to say or not. “Do you know that we're debuting in two days?”
“I-,” Sunggyu says, and closes his mouth. Calm, calm. “Yeah, I guess Woohyun said something about that.”
“Yeah, well.” Myungsoo gives Sunggyu a firm look. “I'm here to ask you to come to our debut stage.”
“What? What for?”
Myungsoo rolls his eyes, and Sunggyu thinks he should feel insulted, but his next words make him feel something else entirely. “For Woohyun.”
Sunggyu doesn't expect it. Or he does, but he doesn't want to know, hoping his guess will be wrong. “We. We're not friends anymore.”
Myungsoo scoffs at that. “You can say everything you want, Sunggyu-ssi, it's totally up to you. But I've been around Woohyun for the past weeks, and you guys are nowhere close to over. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to disrespect you, but I think you know that whatever you're doing affects Woohyun as well.” He pauses. “And if he doesn't get better before the big day, he's gonna screw up. His dream, my dream-our dream.”
“Are you blaming me?” Sunggyu scoffs, almost offended, but then Myungsoo simply gives him a deadpan expression. Sunggyu takes that as a yes. And he knows it is, mostly, but it's not like he does it without a reason. “Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I think you've got it all messed up. I don't know what Woohyun said to you to make you think that it's all my fault-“
“He said it's his fault,” Myungsoo suddenly says.
Sunggyu frowns. “I-what?”
“He said it's his fault,” he repeats, slower, as if to make sure that Sunggyu gets what he's saying. “That's what he always tells us every time we ask; that you have a right to leave, to protect yourself. Things like that.”
“I,” Sunggyu bites the inside of his cheeks. “I don't-“
“Look,” Myungsoo says, and he looks impatient when Sunggyu winces at his tone. “I'm not trying to pry, or judge you, but he has a right to be happy. Has a right to want to keep you. A right to not want you to leave him. I think you're being a little selfish here, don't you?”
Sunggyu grips the side of his pants, his fists clenched tight. “He can be happier without me. He will.”
“Don't you think he's the only one who can decide what can make him happy?” Sunggyu hesitates, his eyes falling from Myungsoo's piercing gaze. Myungsoo sighs. “He's my friend, and I know that you make him happy. And I may not know you at all, but I think I can safely assume that there's a part of you that miss him.”
And it feels like being slapped across the face, or being splashed by cold water, because suddenly his feelings for Woohyun come flooding back as if they were never gone. Maybe they never were. Sunggyu doesn't even know what he's trying to hide anymore, because this Myungsoo kid seems to understand him more than he understands himself. Sunggyu lets out a long breath. “You're not wrong.”
Myungsoo's gaze softens. “You two deserve another shot together. You can be happy. Being a celebrity doesn't mean he won't be a human anymore, doesn't mean he'll love you less. Yes, there are sacrifices, but it's life. You're bound to sacrifice some things along the road.” Sunggyu doesn't say anything, and suddenly Myungsoo chuckles, as if laughing at himself. “I'm actually rambling,” he scolds himself, and Sunggyu laughs along weakly, but his shoulders feel lighter. “I'm sorry about that.”
“It's fine,” Sunggyu offers him a smile. “I-Thank you, Myungsoo-ssi.”
Myungsoo smiles back and pats his shoulder awkwardly. “No problem. He's a really good friend and a good guy,” he pauses for a second, eyes falling on Sunggyu, “but I guess you know that.”
Sunggyu thinks about the three months Woohyun is intruding in his life, and how much he doesn't mind. “I do.”
“Good.” Myungsoo smiles, and puts on his mask again. “Right, now I need to go.” Myungsoo pauses, before he holds out his hand. “Good luck.”
“You too,” Sunggyu takes and shakes it, tension bleeding out from his body. “You're a really good friend.”
Myungsoo lets a smile crinkle his eyes. “Thanks,” he says, his tone grateful. When Sunggyu releases his hand, he snaps his fingers. “Oh, and one more thing. Here,” he says, pulling an envelope from his jacket, slightly crumpled. “It's the ticket to the music show we're debuting at. Details are inside. I suppose you might need it.”
Sunggyu stares at the bold 'KBS' on the front. “I don't know how many times I've said this,” he starts, “but-”
“It's nothing,” he waves his hand dismissively. “So I guess I'll see you then?”
Will he? Myungsoo eyes him expectantly, and Sunggyu just smiles.
What Sunggyu didn't tell Myungsoo is the fact that he's not ready to talk to Woohyun, to tell him everything, or to just see him. There's a part in his heart, a tiny piece that holds him back, and he knows he shouldn't be, but he's scared. Terrified, even. It might seem illogical, but for the three months Woohyun has been in his life, the man has craved something deep in his heart. It's not easy to sacrifice everything and throw himself to him, without an inkling of the future. It's painful now, but if Woohyun decides that he's got more important things elsewhere? Sunggyu knows it's totally presumptuous of him, but.
But.
His finger lingers on the 'Send' button as he lies in the middle of his living room, a cup noodle on the coffee table. He'd told his employees that he wasn't coming today, and they sent encouraging texts, telling him good luck, telling him to tell Woohyun good luck-damn Sungyeol for looking through his bag the day before-and there's a pang of guilt in his stomach. He looks at the clock: and the show starts in ten minutes. He'd need thirty minutes to reach the address in the envelope. He's biting his chopstick as he looks up to the screen. He sighs, moves his hand to another button.
Erase. Erase. Erase.
A gentle push is all he needs, but then he remembers Myungsoo's words, Dongwoo's, Sungjong's, and he remembers Woohyun. Woohyun.
Ten minutes pass. He bites his lip, and presses.
Good luck with your debut. Don't throw away your dream, you deserve all of it. You deserve everything.
I'm sorry, are the words he cannot type, but when Woohyun's reply comes almost immediately, it's more than enough. Sunggyu laughs bitterly, presses the heels of his palms to his eyes, and they touch dampness. A second later, he's crying into his hands, his shoulders shaking, his cup noodle forgotten. He wants to see Woohyun.
I just want you to be here.
Even with all the running he does, it takes Sunggyu almost an hour to arrive at the venue, because it's raining and traffic is ridiculous. He has no idea how long a music show usually is, but he's pretty sure it's already over, because a bunch of giggling girls with banners in their hands are walking in the opposite direction.
Something inside him dies a little. “Excuse me,” he asks the girls, “is the show over?”
The four girls look at each other, before one of them looks at him apologetically. “It ended almost half an hour ago.”
“Oh,” Sunggyu says.
“I don't know if you read it on the main webpage of the show, but it's stated that the show for this week and next week were moved an hour earlier, because there are specials,” the other girl tries to explain again, probably because of Sunggyu's confused look. “Normally it should end in an hour, but the show was an hour and a half.”
“Oh,” he says again, “I see. Thank you.”
“No problem,” she answers, offering a small smile.
The girls are about to go, when Sunggyu steps in front of them again. They stare at him, and he clears his throat. “Um, I'm sorry, but where is the main entrance? I, uh, I need to meet someone.”
“It's the third door on the right, the biggest one,” one of them points to a direction, and Sunggyu can see some people leaving the building from a pretty big door. “It was almost empty when we left, but some performers are still there.”
Sunggyu nods, and bows gratefully. “Thanks.”
And Sunggyu runs, again.
The place is big, and dark. It's three times the size of Sunggyu's café, and Sunggyu can see why Myungsoo wanted them to solve everything before, because it might be pretty embarrassing to mess up while performing there. The entrance is near the highest seat, so he needs to go down to reach the stage, where some lights are still on. There are people cleaning up the mess between the seats, and some others with a bold white 'CREW' stamped on their black shirts scattered around the stage, yelling at one another.
He looks around, slowly walking down the narrow stairs, and he's halfway there when a familiar voice calls from behind him. “Hyung.”
Sunggyu turns around so fast that he's sure he hears something snapping around the area of his neck, and Woohyun is there, three steps above him. Beads of sweat glisten on his forehead, and even though he's wearing a grey hoodie and a white t-shirt, there's still gel in his hair and eyeliner around his eyes.
He looks beautiful. Sunggyu gulps, taking a step up. “Hey.”
“You're here,” Woohyun states the obvious, taking a step down, and they meet in the middle, He smiles. “I'm glad.”
Sunggyu wants to cry. He feels like something punches him in the stomach as he says, “I missed it.”
“But you came,” Woohyun shrugs, his smile still in place. It makes Sunggyu feels even guiltier. Maybe he deserves it. “I didn't even know that you knew about this.”
“I, um,” Sunggyu says, “Your friend told me.”
“My friend?”
Sunggyu pauses, now unsure if he should even talk about it at all. “Uh, yeah. Myungsoo?”
Woohyun's expression changes, and even with minimal lights, Sunggyu can see his face turns a shade redder. “God damn it,” he curses under his breath, “Right. I swear he's going to get it from me later.”
“You,” Sunggyu starts, and Woohyun looks up. He gulps down the lump in his throat. “You shouldn't. He's a really good friend.”
Woohyun tilts his head then, contemplating. “Okay then,” he answers, and he gives Sunggyu a look. Sunggyu can't see it in his eyes, but he knows how Woohyun feels. How they feel. “So.”
“So,” Sunggyu repeats.
Woohyun moves forward, into Sunggyu's breathing space. Sunggyu almost moves back, but then he catches Woohyun's eyes and they're trying to tell him something. What, he doesn't know. But he stays still. “We did pretty well.”
Sunggyu lets out a small, nervous laugh. “You did?”
“Yeah,” Woohyun chuckles, reaching out to take Sunggyu's hand. Sunggyu knows Woohyun can sense how tense Sunggyu is, but doesn't seem like he cares that much as he plays with Sunggyu's fingers, tracing. “The mic was kind of messed up, but it's nothing big. Myungsoo's left earphone stopped working in the middle of our performance too, but he continued on just fine. And Hoya-you know Hoya? I think I've brought him to your café before. Well, his shoelaces came undone, but he managed to finish his dance break perfectly. And you know what? I was looking the audience, and there were people holding towels with our names on it, it's kind of -“
Woohyun stops, because Sunggyu tugs at his elbow, and throws his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He buries his face against Woohyun's neck, inhaling deeply. Woohyun tenses for a while, before he relaxes and touches Sunggyu's back, his nose tickling Sunggyu's jawline. “I'm sorry,” Sunggyu mutters against the fabric of Woohyun's hoodie, and he can practically feel Woohyun's smile.
“It's fine,” he says, his tone tender, and Sunggyu tightens his hold on the younger boy.
“It's not,” he insists, because he hates how Woohyun gives and gives and gives and doesn't take when Sunggyu is finally offering something. He hates how Woohyun is so selfless, so nice, so loving, because it makes him feel worse. “Don't-none of what I said was fine, and I deserve a punch from you or something. I shouldn't have done that. It's just. I was a selfish, insensitive prick. I just. I don't.”
“Hey,” Woohyun pulls back slightly, searching for Sunggyu's eyes. “It's okay.”
Sunggyu hugs tighter. “I'm really sorry.”
“You're forgiven.”
“And,” Sunggyu pushes him a little, stepping back, and he makes sure Woohyun can see what he's saying, can understand, can believe. “I love you too. I'm sorry I didn't say it from the start, I'm sorry I didn't show you that you're worth it. Worth everything. I-“
Woohyun places a hand against his shoulder then, slightly chuckling. “You need to stop talking and start breathing, hyung. With your old age you might get a heart attack.” Sunggyu shoves Woohyun's shoulder roughly at that. Woohyun laughs and raises his hand, thumbing Sunggyu's lower lip. “I've told you it's all good. Now we're okay, right?”
Sunggyu rolls his eyes, but he lets Woohyun steps closer, winding his arms around his waist. “Yeah,” he mumbles into Woohyun's neck, “I guess.”
“Also, just for the record,” Woohyun says, his tone teasing, “I didn't dump my girlfriend. She dumped me after I told her that her terrorizing texts were starting to scare me. So basically because she's a 'clingy bitch', as Sungjong eloquently put it.” Woohyun makes an air quotation. “So yeah. There's nothing to be worried about.”
Sunggyu grins into Woohyun's shoulder then. “I might turn into a clingy bitch too.”
“I think I've turned into one,” Woohyun muses. “Too bad then. You're stuck with me forever.”
“I don't mind,” Sunggyu mumbles, and he can feel Woohyun's smile.
“Oh, by the way,” Woohyun suddenly pulls back, “once we reach your apartment, the first thing I'm going to make you do is watch my debut performance. Seriously, what kind of boyfriend are you, missing my awesome debut like that? This is the future big star whose autograph you'll be begging for ten years down the road, you know.”
But Sunggyu's brain stops at a certain word, and he stares at Woohyun. “Boyfriend,” he says slowly, tasting how it rolls off of his tongue. Woohyun watches him, his eyes affectionate. “So now we're boyfriends?”
“Or you can be my girlfriend,” Woohyun shrugs. “I don't mind. As long as you're mine.”
Sunggyu cringes. “That's. I don't. Stop saying things like that, God, you're so embarrassing.”
“Whatever, you still love me,” he sticks his tongue out, and Sunggyu simply smiles and doesn't answer, because he's pretty sure Woohyun knows anyway. Woohyun pulls back, slipping his hands around Sunggyu's neck, angling his face so that they're looking at each other. “I love you too,” Woohyun says, soft, and Sunggyu splutters, embarrassed, but Woohyun chuckles and presses their foreheads together. “I mean it,” he says, again, and Sunggyu thinks of millions of reasons, thousands of risks, and maybe for now, just maybe, falling is worth it. “I really do.”
Sunggyu smiles, and leans in. “I know,” he says to Woohyun's mouth, and he can feel the younger smiling.
“I can't believe you ripped your pants,” Sunggyu says, and bursts into laughter when he sees Woohyun's red ears.
They're eating Chinese takeout in Sunggyu's apartment, with a laptop opened on the coffee table, Woohyun's debut performance playing on the screen. It's good, and Sunggyu thinks he's fed Woohyun's ego enough for the next ten years with his continuous compliments. Except on the third replay of the video, when Sunggyu notices that Woohyun's checkered pants are ripped from mid-thigh to knee, and. Well.
“Shut up,” Woohyun says roughly, pausing the video and closing the tab. “Damn, I was hoping you'd miss that.”
“How could I miss that? That's really hilarious, oh my God. You'll definitely get Rookie of the Year award for that, I'm sure.”
“You're so annoying,” Woohyun shoves him, and Sunggyu rolls on the floor, still laughing. Suddenly though, a shadow hovers over him, and Woohyun is right on top of him.
His knees are on either side of Sunggyu's hips. “Um,” Sunggyu says.
“Um, too,” Woohyun grins, and leans down.
Sunggyu places a hand on his chest. “But we still have food,” Sunggyu protests. Woohyun rolls his eyes at that, but he gets to his feet, shoves the remainder of their food into the plastic bag it came in and dumps them into the trashcan in the kitchen. He walks back and throws himself down beside Sunggyu, flinging his arm around Sunggyu's waist and hooks his legs around Sunggyu's, pulling them closer.
Sunggyu cranes his neck to look in the direction of the kitchen. “That's a waste,” Sunggyu says forlornly. Woohyun hits him.
“Can we please focus here,” he snaps, and Sunggyu laughs again. Woohyun pulls him by the collar then, and kisses him.
∞
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Caffeinated Love
Pairing/Focus: Sunggyu/Woohyun
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~8,100w
Summary: “You can't just assume by yourself that I'm going to change, hyung,” Woohyun mutters, his voice low and timid. He's never used that kind of tone before. Something breaks inside him, and a lot of unsaid words are hanging in the air, suffocating. Sunggyu pulls his hand back and takes a step back, hoping that Woohyun would understand; that he's afraid of getting hurt.
∞
Sunggyu sees the man for the first time on a Thursday afternoon, just after the rush hour has ended and only three tables in the café are occupied. He only has one other employee with him, a part-timer-Sungjong, still in high school-who is reading a magazine instead of working. Sunggyu knows that the storage room is still disorganized and the counter is dirty, but Sunggyu's playing with the old radio beside the cash register, so he's in no position to scold the younger boy.
It's all pretty calm, when suddenly he hears a loud creak, and when he turns his attention away from his radio to the source of noise, a man is getting slapped across the face.
More than a little shocked, Sunggyu watches as the girl, who had been sitting at the table near the window, stands up, panting slightly. She's crying and her eyes are filled with anger. “You're a jerk, Nam Woohyun,” she spits out, and takes the cup of coffee on the table, pouring it on the man in front of her. “Have fun with your life without me!” The girl snaps, and throws the empty cup to the ground, running out of the café.
The rest of the café is quiet, the rest of the customers furtively eyeing the man from where they sit. The man doesn't say anything; he simply closes his eyes and sighs deeply, wipes his dripping face with a rough brush of his hand before turning to the counter. “Excuse me,” he raises a hand, “can I have a tissue?”
Fortunately, Sungjong stops gaping and rushes over to the man, trying to digest what the hell just happened. Sunggyu eyes his employee as he takes care of the mess on the floor and the table, while the man apologizes to Sungjong. They talk for a minute or two, before the man takes his bag on the chair beside him, nods to Sunggyu-he closes his mouth and bows back-and leaves.
Sungjong throws the dirty cloth into the laundry bag Sunggyu has in the back of the room. “Poor guy got dumped by his girlfriend,” he tells Sunggyu, and goes back to his magazine.
“I can see that,” Sunggyu replies, still eyeing the table where the scene had taken place less than five minutes ago. “That was quite a scene.”
“Apparently the girl is a clingy bitch,” Sungjong says, and when Sunggyu gives him a look, he shrugs. “He didn't actually say it, but that's what I got from his story.”
Sunggyu frowns. “What story?” Sungjong shrugs again at that, proceeding to ignore Sunggyu in favor of the stupid astrology page in his magazine, and Sunggyu makes a mental note to hire people who actually listen to him in the future.
The next time Sunggyu sees him again it's two days later, at eight twenty in the morning. The café is full with the morning crowd, people grabbing coffee for the long day they'll face ahead, so he goes down to help his employees take orders, sort out change for the customers and shout out the drinks the baristas need to make. He's just finished jotting down the name of the last customer who ordered a caramel latte when a shadow hovers over his notepad.
“Just a second,” he says without looking up, passing the plastic cup to one of his employees before he takes a deep breath and prepares a bright smile. “Good morning, how can-ah.”
Upon looking up, Sunggyu is greeted by the man from yesterday. Up close, Sunggyu thinks that the girl from yesterday has a reason to be a 'clingy bitch', as Sungjong puts it, because even with ridiculous bed head, Sunggyu has to admit that the man is good-looking, with his sharp nose and jawline and really, really nice lips.
Sunggyu blinks. “How can I help you?”
The man looks at Sunggyu for a while, as if contemplating something, until Sunggyu starts to fidget uncomfortably under his gaze. Eventually, he looks up to the menu behind the counter, and mumbles a soft, “Americano.”
Sunggyu nods, typing something to the cash machine. “Size?”
The man shrugs. “Small?”
“Regular, then,” Sunggyu presses another button. “Here or takeaway?”
“Takeaway,” the man replies, pushing a twenty thousand bill across the table.
Sunggyu takes it and there's a clink as he opens the cash register. “That'll be four thousand, and you've got twenty thousand here,” he says cheerfully, and can feel the man start to smile without even having to look up. Sunggyu takes the smallest paper cup from the stack beside him, pulling out a marker from his pocket. “What name would this be under?”
“Woohyun,” the man answers, and when Sunggyu looks up at him, there's a small smile, just as he thought. “It's Nam Woohyun.”
Sunggyu smiles back. “Nam Woohyun,” he repeats, scrawling down the name, and passing it to a barista. “Here's your change, and you can pick up your order over there. Have a nice day.”
He holds out the receipt and change, and when their fingers brush for a fraction of a second, Sunggyu feels warmth creep over his cheeks. What is wrong with you, he scolds himself, and the man-Nam Woohyun-gives him a grin. “You too, Kim Sunggyu.”
It takes Sunggyu a moment to realize that he doesn't have his nametag on and when he does, Woohyun is already gone, the door swinging shut behind him. “Uh,” he says loudly, failing to notice the woman who's tapping her fingers impatiently on the wooden table.
“Excuse me,” the woman says, clearly annoyed, and Sunggyu snaps awake from his daze, ignoring the curious look his employees throw him.
(When he's checking the receipts to put them in the income book, he realizes he has his name at the end of each of them, a fading 'Kim Sunggyu'.)
It's Sunday night, and the café is empty as usual; the normal rush of customers won't flood in until tomorrow morning. The only employee left-a university student called Sungyeol this time, also a part-timer-is sleeping on the counter, but Sunggyu decides not to bother him because it's only half an hour before the café's closing time anyway. Instead, Sunggyu winds up sitting at one of the tables in the café, doing the games and quizzes in one of the boring magazines his café has (his dad suggested once that boring magazines are a match made in heaven with bitter coffee, so Sunggyu keeps stocking up on them though his younger costumers protest about it).
“Your coffee is too bitter,” a voice suddenly tells him, and Sunggyu looks up from the crossword he's doing to a man who he, surprisingly, recognizes. “I'd like it if you could add a little bit more sugar.”
Sunggyu frowns at the man-Nam Woohyun, his mind pulls the memory from the back of his head-and puts down his marker. “I wasn't the one who made it,” he says, sitting up straighter, “but I'll tell the barista. Do you have, uh, any other preference or something that we can take note of?”
“Not really,” Woohyun shrugs, “but I can't really drink bitter coffee, so make it extra sweet?”
Sunggyu tilts the head to the side with a thoughtful smile. “Then I'd suggest you order hot chocolate instead? It's one of our specialties, too.”
"But I need coffee to keep me awake," Woohyun says, shoving his hands inside his pockets. "The only problem is that I don't like the taste. But hot chocolate just makes me even sleepier."
Sunggyu has no clue why Woohyun is telling him all of this when he could just ask the cashiers for more sugar in the future. Then again, the customer is always right, and Sunggyu doesn't really have anything better to do. "I can always teach you a way to drink coffee without it tasting so bitter," he offers.
Woohyun raises an eyebrow, looking interested. “You actually have a way to fix it?”
“Hey, my café is popular for a reason.” Sunggyu grins, and he feels a little embarrassed when Woohyun laughs at that, but he stands up anyway and motions for the other man to follow him. “I have plenty of ways to make people learn to love coffee.”
“Or you're just being nice,” Woohyun points out, and Sunggyu turns to look at him in confusion. “I mean, to the customers. Maybe they're like me, who need it but can't drink it.”
Sunggyu lets out a breath he doesn't realize he's holding. “Not really,” he shrugs. “But helping people doesn't hurt, I guess. Oy,” he says, and pokes Sungyeol to wake him up. Sungyeol scrambles to his feet, blinking blearily while Sunggyu gestures to Woohyun. “Can you make one Americano for him?”
“With sugar,” Woohyun adds as Sunggyu slips behind the counter and starts typing things into the cash machine. “A lot of it.”
“You heard him,” Sunggyu tells Sungyeol, who is walking slowly to the coffee machine. “And that will be three thousand and two hundred won, by the way.”
“Oh, so I actually need to pay for it,” Woohyun says with a mock-hurt tone, and he grins when Sunggyu looks apologetic. “Just kidding.”
Sunggyu huffs as he takes the five thousand bills Woohyun slips across the table, and is just about to give him his change when Sungyeol comes back with the coffee in hand. “Uh, I don't know how sweet you want it to be, so I put in two spoonfuls of sugar,” Sungyeol says.
Woohyun takes the cup with a thankful smile. “That's enough,” he says, and takes a sip. Sunggyu almost laughs at how his face contorts and he pulls away a little from his cup, eyeing it mournfully. “Or not.”
Sunggyu lets out a soft laugh then, trying not to offend his customer. He bends down to rummage around in the cabinets below, and when he straightens again, Woohyun is looking at him curiously. “Now this,” he says, pushing a small cube towards the other man, “is something that can help you.”
Woohyun moves closer and takes the red cube, no bigger than his thumb, to his palm. “Sugar cube?”
“Chocolate,” Sunggyu corrects Woohyun with a smile, then scratches the back of his neck shyly. “It's actually my snack if I get bored when the café is empty or I have no work. It gets rid of the bitterness. You should try it.”
Woohyun looks doubtful, but he puts his coffee on the counter and starts unwrapping the chocolate. It's dark brown, with white patches around it, and he pauses to look up at Sunggyu. “So how do I do this? I just eat the whole thing then gulp down my coffee?”
Sunggyu widens his eyes. “Of course not,” he says, “that'll ruin your stomach. You eat it little by little, a small bite for a sip.”
“This much chocolate is enough?”
“Just try it, okay?”
Woohyun still looks uncertain, but he bites off a tiny piece of chocolate, taking a sip of his coffee. He's quiet for a moment, tasting, and after a while, he takes another bite and drinks.
Sunggyu grins, folding his arms across his chest. “Good?”
“Good,” Woohyun answers with a small laugh. Sunggyu's stomach flips at that, but he gives it no thought. Not even when the man gives him a thankful look, and he feels blood rushing to his cheeks. Not at all. “Really good.”
Woohyun comes almost every day after that, mostly in the morning and at night, when Sunggyu and his employees are getting ready to close the café. Sunggyu tells him to come earlier on his fifth visit, because the coffee machine are already turned off by the time Woohyun comes around, but Woohyun shrugs and tells him that his practice usually ends around that time.
(Sunggyu doesn't ask what practice, but he finds out from Sungjong that Woohyun is apparently a trainee at a newly established entertainment company three blocks from there. It kind of makes sense, judging from his look and attitude alone. It's not that trainees have an attitude, but there's something in the way Woohyun carries himself that makes Sunggyu thinks of superstardom.)
Tenth visit-Sunggyu isn't counting, no-and Woohyun has managed to befriend everyone who works there, and one day, introduces Sunggyu to Dongwoo, after Sunggyu told Woohyun he needed more employees. Dongwoo was apparently Woohyun's senior in high school before Woohyun dropped out to give all his time to practicing.
Sunggyu raises an eyebrow at that. “You dropped out?”
“Yeah,” Woohyun says, taking a bite of his chocolate and sipping his coffee. “Gotta make a decision for myself.”
“Your parents allow it?”
“They didn't, at first,” Woohyun replies carelessly, as if he has been talking about that particular subject a thousand times. He probably has. “But I was so determined that they kind of give up, and now here I am.”
Sunggyu whistles and sits back on his chair. “That's kind of cool.”
There's a moment when Woohyun looks down at his cup, a moment when Sunggyu can actually feel Woohyun's dream, Woohyun's efforts. Sunggyu watches him carefully, almost afraid to talk, but then Woohyun's lips break into a grin and he wiggles his eyebrows. “I know, right,” he says, and Sunggyu pushes the younger boy away, shaking his head.
In turn, Sunggyu tells him about his small café. He tells Woohyun about how the café, to be honest, was not part of the plan when he told his parents that he was going to university in Seoul. At least not part of the plan he let his parents know about. It's been a little dream he built in the back of his mind, to have a little café where he can serve people, where he can see people enjoying something he makes, where people can smile at something that he gives.
He didn't even expect it to work out when he gave the resignation letter to the art school he'd been attending, and used the tuition and college money from his parents that he had been saving for the last two years to buy a little building; but it does, and here he is now. His parents have long since passed the phase where they refused to talk to him, and now his dad even tells him that he doesn't drink coffee from any other place. It's kind of flattering.
As Sunggyu tells Woohyun all of it over a piece of cake-he forgets when he started letting Woohyun eat the leftover cake in the café during his late night visit, but at least Woohyun pays for them-Woohyun gives him a respectful look, a small smile on his face. “That's really cool, too,” Woohyun nods, as if giving his approval. “Almost as cool as me.”
“Shut up,” Sunggyu laughs, and shoves a spoonful of cake into Woohyun's mouth.
One Wednesday morning, a few months later, almost all of Sunggyu's employees call in sick one week, so he's on the floor, rubbing the mud stain on the wooden floor with a wet cloth, while his other two employees try to keep up with the people coming in for breakfast, juggling taking orders, making drinks and putting cakes and sandwiches on plates.
A few hours into the day, Woohyun bursts through the door, his face beaming, and he calls for Sunggyu with a loud voice. “Hy-wait, where is he,” Sunggyu can hear Woohyun's voice over the buzz in the café, and his employees were probably pointing in his general direction, because he looks up to see Woohyun crouching in front of him with a weird face, his face turning red, the way it always does when he's biting back his laughter.
Sunggyu ignores him and wipes the floor harder. “Shut up,” he hisses, and Woohyun finally bursts into laughter. It's pretty loud, too. Sunggyu contemplates gagging him with the wet dirty piece of fabric in his hand.
“Our mighty manager-nim, cleaning the floor with his own hands,” Woohyun teases, wiping an imaginary tear from the corner of his eyes. “This is pretty funny.”
“I'm sure it'll be pretty funny to have this thing on your face, too,” Sunggyu tells him, holding up the cloth, and Woohyun laughs harder, holding onto his sides. “If you have nothing else to say, please leave.”
“Okay, okay, no more laughing.” Woohyun puts up his hands in defense, shifting away a little from Sunggyu. “Besides, I have something to tell you.”
Sunggyu sighs, letting a small smile surface. “Shoot.” Woohyun's expression brightens at that, and he turns to take something out of his pocket. It's a crumpled piece of paper, and the text on it is short. Sunggyu tilts his head. “What is it?”
“From my CEO,” Woohyun says, and Sunggyu freezes.
“CEO?”
“The head of my company?” Woohyun says, his tone indicating Sunggyu's being stupid, and maybe he is, because it's like Sunggyu can feel his brain working slower, slower, slower. “Anyway, that's not the point. Here, read it.”
Woohyun shoves the paper to his face, and Sunggyu puts down the cloth in his hand slowly, wiping his hand on his apron before he takes the paper from Woohyun. He reads it then, and something catches in his throat. When Sunggyu turns to the younger boy, Woohyun is looking at him expectantly. Sunggyu swallows. “You're debuting in a month.”
“Yes,” Woohyun lets out a laugh then, his eyes crinkling and smile lines appearing on his face. His smile brightens and widens so much that it nearly hurts Sunggyu's eyes. “A month from now, my hard work will pay off, and I'll finally be doing what I've been dreaming of. A month, hyung. I can't believe this is happening.”
Sunggyu feels a sting at the corner of his eyes. “Okay.”
He can feel Woohyun's eyes on him, so he doesn't continue and simply stares at his fingers. “You don't look happy,” Woohyun says, “Or are you so happy that you're speechless?”
Sunggyu speaks before he can think better of it. “Why?”
Woohyun pauses. “Why what?”
Sunggyu tries to hide his fingers between the wet cloth, but Woohyun is probably too happy to notice that they are trembling anyway. “Why are you telling me?”
Woohyun furrows his eyebrows, his lips twisting into a confused smile. “I'm not supposed to?”
“Yes? No-” Sunggyu shakes his head, telling his brain to work. “I don't know? I think it's up to you, but I don't. I.”
It's probably the tone Sunggyu has or his expression, but Woohyun's frown deepens and he bends down to look into Sunggyu's eyes, searching. “Hey,” he says, but Sunggyu turns his head to look anywhere but at Woohyun. “What's wrong?”
“I,” Sunggyu tries, but his voice is stuck, and he can't bring his voice to sound normal, so he stops. He clears his throat. “I think you should go home, Woohyun.”
“Hyung?” Woohyun sounds confused, and maybe a little bit hurt.
Sunggyu feels stupid, but he shakes his head. “We can talk when the café is less full. It's busy, I need to work.”
When Sunggyu dares to look back at Woohyun, Woohyun is frowning; he obviously knows that Sunggyu is lying, but he doesn't say anything. He stands up, his expression still puzzled, and there's is something else in Woohyun's eyes, something that Sunggyu cannot place; it saps Sunggyu of his courage, so he averts his eyes again. “I'll come back later,” he says slowly, his eyes not leaving Sunggyu. “I guess.”
“Yeah,” Sunggyu replies, staring at the pattern on the floor. He can feel tears start to gather, and his eyes hurt. He's hurt. He has no idea what he's doing. “Okay.”
“See you, then?” It's a question, but Sunggyu exhales and doesn't answer, doesn't even turn to say goodbye. He can see Woohyun's shoes backing away. He doesn't look up when the other leaves, but he hears the loud jingle. Sunggyu tries his best not to think about the twinge in his chest.
The weather turns bad-it's been raining almost every day for the past two weeks, so Sunggyu kind of expects it when he wakes up the next day and finds out that his temperature is pretty high. If anything, he's kind of glad that he's sick. He doesn't go down to the café for the next three days, and sends an apology text to his employees, stating that he's down with a fever, which isn't entirely a lie. His employees send him a get-well-soon text as a reply, and they don't ask why Woohyun keeps asking them where the café owner is, even though Sungjong does tell him, 'please open your eyes, hyung'.
He deletes that text message (along with Woohyun's are you okay? and hyung, what's wrong and i don't get it), and just pulls his blanket over his head.
Woohyun doesn't go to the café on the day he goes back to work, but on his way home, Sunggyu does find Woohyun crouching against the door to his apartment, his hoodie pulled up and fingers fiddling with his cellphone. Sunggyu freezes on his step, and he's a second away from running back to the store and probably sleeping in the storage room, but as if on cue, Woohyun looks up. His eyes widen and he pulls out his earphones, scrambling to his feet. Sunggyu takes a step back.
They don't say anything, and Sunggyu still refuses to look at Woohyun direcly.
“You,” Woohyun starts, and Sunggyu hopes he doesn't see Sunggyu's shoulders tense up. “I heard you're sick.”
“Yeah,” Sunggyu says, his laugh sounding off even to his own ears. “Bad weather finally got to me.”
“I see,” Woohyun nods. “Are you better then?”
Sunggyu doesn't know what exactly gets to him, but there's something in the way Woohyun is looking at him, the way he lets Sunggyu off for being an asshole, that doubles the guilt he's feeling in his gut. “Look,” Sunggyu finally says, and rubs his face. “I'm sorry.”
Woohyun looks taken aback. “For what?”
“For not being happy,” Sunggyu says. “For ignoring you. Avoiding you. I don't know. I just feel like I need to apologize.”
Woohyun just looks at him with sad eyes, as if he's expecting Sunggyu to say something else. “You shouldn't say sorry if you don't know what you're saying it for.”
“It's not that I don't. It's just-“ he pauses to take a breath, to think about what to say, because he has a lot to say, and this. He needs to say it. “It's complicated. It's in my head. I don't know how to say it, how to tell you. I don't know what I'm doing. It's just, ever since I got to know you, my head's been really messed up. By you, I mean. I don't know.”
“So it's my fault,” Woohyun concludes.
Sunggyu bites his lip. “No. I guess? It's mostly my fault, but-look,” he runs a hand through his hair. “Woohyun. I think we should stop this.”
Sunggyu knows Woohyun understands, but the other still asks, “Stop what?”
“This,” he gestures towards the both of them, slightly frantic. “You and I, me and you. This thing that's between us. I don't think this is right, not anymore.”
Woohyun looks at him with thoughtful eyes, but he shakes his head and lets out a tired chuckle. Giving up. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“Woohyun,” Sunggyu says, more firm, and it makes Woohyun glance up from the tips of his shoes. “You're debuting. It's-don't you understand what it means? Do you know how big it is for you? How it will affect me? Can't you understand why we can't-why I can't have feelings for you?”
Woohyun's lips turn into a straight line. “Oh. I didn't know-“
“You did, Nam Woohyun,” Sunggyu sighs, because they both know. There has always been this mutual feeling between them; something that Sunggyu knows exists, and Woohyun's not that blind. “You have, all along.”
Woohyun watches him, his gaze heavy. “Did you know that it's not one-sided, then?”
Sunggyu scoffs at that, sounding incredulous. “Don't you get it? It's not about our feelings, not anymore. It's about you, being someone else, something else. This is about how you will change, how the change will eventually change us, and I don't want that. I can't. I'm sorry, but I'm not,” he takes a breath, eyes flicking away from Woohyun's. “It's just not possible for me.”
“You can't just assume by yourself that I'm going to change, hyung,” Woohyun mutters, his voice low and timid. He's never used that kind of tone before. Sunggyu tells the lump in his chest to fuck off. “It's not fair.”
“Okay,” Sunggyu says, and he sounds a little hysterical, and he feels ridiculous, but why can't Woohyun understand? “So let's say you won't change. Let's say you'll still be the same. But what about the people around you? What about the world, then? Woohyun, once you debut, it will never be about us anymore. It's only going to be about your world and my world. Can't you place yourself in my shoes for a while?”
When Woohyun doesn't respond and drops his gaze, Sunggyu shakes his head and sighs. “You broke up.”
Woohyun frowns at that. “What?”
“You broke up with your girlfriend,” Sunggyu tells him again, and he has no idea why he's even bringing it up, but he has to. He needs Woohyun to understand, before this all ends. “On the first day we met. I was there.”
Woohyun's soft laugh is confused, but it's also sceptical. “What's that got to do with anything?”
“A lot?” Sunggyu knows he sounds desperate now, but he gulps down all his pride and continues, “Everything? It's just-I don't want to be her.”
“It won't happen,” Woohyun answers immediately, as if he doesn't need to think about it. “It's not going to happen. Hyung, I won't-“
“Just,” he holds out a hand, and it makes Woohyun stop. He stares at his fingers instead of Woohyun. “Let's just stop here.”
Something breaks inside him when he actually says it out loud, and a lot of unsaid words are hanging in the air, suffocating. Sunggyu pulls his hand back and takes a step back, hoping that Woohyun would understand.
That probably does it, because Woohyun closes his eyes for a moment and exhales. “Too bad then,” Woohyun finally says, stepping back, and Sunggyu holds down the urge to reach out and keep him there, because. It's not something he can do, not anymore. He can feel the gap between them widens, but it's not like he can stop what he started first. “I'm starting to like bitter coffee, too.”
Sunggyu sighs. His head hurts. “Bye, Woohyun. I wish you luck.”
Woohyun stays quiet for a while, before he gives him a small smile; it doesn't reach his eyes, and it makes Sunggyu want to stab something, preferably himself. He looks into Woohyun's eyes for the last time, he can see hurt, longing-pain-in Woohyun's eyes and his resolve slips for a second, but-
Bye, hyung.”
Sunggyu doesn't cry. It only makes sense, he thinks, because men his age don't let stupid things like heartbreak make their tears fall. Sunggyu feels perfectly fine.
“You're an idiot,” Sungjong says, when Sunggyu is gazing at the drops of water against the big window around his café. Sunggyu turns to glare at him, but Sungjong just scoffs and goes to warm a chocolate cake for a visitor.
Sunggyu narrows his eyes at the back of Sungjong's head. “Why is he being mean to me,” he sighs, and Dongwoo, who's sitting behind the cashier counter beside him, gives him a gentle smile.
“Sungjong's not being mean,” he says, doodling on a piece of tissue. “He's just worried.”
Sunggyu raises his eyebrows. “But I'm fine?”
“Sure, hyung.”
There's a jarringly obvious disbelief somewhere under Dongwoo's words, and it annoys Sunggyu that his employee is being not supportive at all. “I'm not lying, Dongwoo-yah.”
Dongwoo pauses, before he puts down his marker and holds out his tissue for Sunggyu to see. “Look, hyung,” he says, pointing a doodle of two stickmen in the middle of the crumple white tissue, their hands sticking to each other. Sunggyu stares. “It takes two hands to clap. Or, in your case, two heads to think, two hearts to decide.”
Sunggyu doesn't understand the point of the doodle at all, but he gets Dongwoo's point. Kind of. “You've been talking to Woohyun.”
Dongwoo laughs, and Sunggyu buries his face into his palms with a groan. “Well, he's a friend,” he admits, crumples the tissue into a small ball and throws it into the dustbin. “I'm just saying. It won't hurt to listen to his view of the whole thing.”
But it's not that simple. It's at the edge of Sunggyu's tongue, but he bites his lip and stops, deciding that trying to explain will not bring them anywhere. “You don't understand, Dongwoo.”
“I know I don't,” Dongwoo lets out a sigh, a little bit tired but also understanding. “But you do, hyung, and I believe you know that he does, too.”
Sunggyu can't answer that, and Dongwoo pats his back comfortingly, before getting up. He can hear Dongwoo telling Sungjong not to bother him, and Sunggyu thinks he needs to raise Dongwoo's paycheck or something.
It takes Sunggyu a couple of weeks to finally put Nam Woohyun out of his mind. He doesn't manage to delete his contact number, but he figures they can probably still be friends when he gets over his stupid crush, so it's still an accomplishment.
(He also still jerks up immediately every time the bell of the door jingles at his café around the time Woohyun usually stopped by, but he can work on it slowly. He has time. It's okay.)
So.
It's ten to twelve, and he's closing the store, putting the last stool on top of the table. The others already went home an hour ago, and Sunggyu is about to turn off the light and go back when there's a jingle above the door. Sunggyu turns and squints his eyes. “I'm sorry,” he says, “we're already closed.”
“I know,” the man says, and when he steps into the light, Sunggyu finds his heart jumping into the back of his throat.
It's Woohyun's friend. He has brought his friends a couple times before, pushing them to Sunggyu and introducing them as 'future bandmates'. And this man before him is one of them. He thinks he's the one who Woohyun brought to the café most often, because Sunggyu can recognize him almost immediately, even before he takes off the black mask that covers half of his face.
“Um,” Sunggyu says, “Can I help you?”
“You're Sunggyu, right?”
Sunggyu takes a step back, almost defensive. “I am.”
He eyed Sunggyu carefully. “I'm Myungsoo. I've been here before, but I don't know if you remember me or not. I'm-“
“Woohyun's friend,” Sunggyu interrupts him. “Yeah, I remember you.”
“Oh. Okay, that's good,” he looks down to his shoes, contemplating. “I'm also Woohyun's bandmate.”
I know, Sunggyu wants to say. “And?”
Myungsoo fidgets with the ties of his mask, as if he's trying to decide whether he should say what he's going to say or not. “Do you know that we're debuting in two days?”
“I-,” Sunggyu says, and closes his mouth. Calm, calm. “Yeah, I guess Woohyun said something about that.”
“Yeah, well.” Myungsoo gives Sunggyu a firm look. “I'm here to ask you to come to our debut stage.”
“What? What for?”
Myungsoo rolls his eyes, and Sunggyu thinks he should feel insulted, but his next words make him feel something else entirely. “For Woohyun.”
Sunggyu doesn't expect it. Or he does, but he doesn't want to know, hoping his guess will be wrong. “We. We're not friends anymore.”
Myungsoo scoffs at that. “You can say everything you want, Sunggyu-ssi, it's totally up to you. But I've been around Woohyun for the past weeks, and you guys are nowhere close to over. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to disrespect you, but I think you know that whatever you're doing affects Woohyun as well.” He pauses. “And if he doesn't get better before the big day, he's gonna screw up. His dream, my dream-our dream.”
“Are you blaming me?” Sunggyu scoffs, almost offended, but then Myungsoo simply gives him a deadpan expression. Sunggyu takes that as a yes. And he knows it is, mostly, but it's not like he does it without a reason. “Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I think you've got it all messed up. I don't know what Woohyun said to you to make you think that it's all my fault-“
“He said it's his fault,” Myungsoo suddenly says.
Sunggyu frowns. “I-what?”
“He said it's his fault,” he repeats, slower, as if to make sure that Sunggyu gets what he's saying. “That's what he always tells us every time we ask; that you have a right to leave, to protect yourself. Things like that.”
“I,” Sunggyu bites the inside of his cheeks. “I don't-“
“Look,” Myungsoo says, and he looks impatient when Sunggyu winces at his tone. “I'm not trying to pry, or judge you, but he has a right to be happy. Has a right to want to keep you. A right to not want you to leave him. I think you're being a little selfish here, don't you?”
Sunggyu grips the side of his pants, his fists clenched tight. “He can be happier without me. He will.”
“Don't you think he's the only one who can decide what can make him happy?” Sunggyu hesitates, his eyes falling from Myungsoo's piercing gaze. Myungsoo sighs. “He's my friend, and I know that you make him happy. And I may not know you at all, but I think I can safely assume that there's a part of you that miss him.”
And it feels like being slapped across the face, or being splashed by cold water, because suddenly his feelings for Woohyun come flooding back as if they were never gone. Maybe they never were. Sunggyu doesn't even know what he's trying to hide anymore, because this Myungsoo kid seems to understand him more than he understands himself. Sunggyu lets out a long breath. “You're not wrong.”
Myungsoo's gaze softens. “You two deserve another shot together. You can be happy. Being a celebrity doesn't mean he won't be a human anymore, doesn't mean he'll love you less. Yes, there are sacrifices, but it's life. You're bound to sacrifice some things along the road.” Sunggyu doesn't say anything, and suddenly Myungsoo chuckles, as if laughing at himself. “I'm actually rambling,” he scolds himself, and Sunggyu laughs along weakly, but his shoulders feel lighter. “I'm sorry about that.”
“It's fine,” Sunggyu offers him a smile. “I-Thank you, Myungsoo-ssi.”
Myungsoo smiles back and pats his shoulder awkwardly. “No problem. He's a really good friend and a good guy,” he pauses for a second, eyes falling on Sunggyu, “but I guess you know that.”
Sunggyu thinks about the three months Woohyun is intruding in his life, and how much he doesn't mind. “I do.”
“Good.” Myungsoo smiles, and puts on his mask again. “Right, now I need to go.” Myungsoo pauses, before he holds out his hand. “Good luck.”
“You too,” Sunggyu takes and shakes it, tension bleeding out from his body. “You're a really good friend.”
Myungsoo lets a smile crinkle his eyes. “Thanks,” he says, his tone grateful. When Sunggyu releases his hand, he snaps his fingers. “Oh, and one more thing. Here,” he says, pulling an envelope from his jacket, slightly crumpled. “It's the ticket to the music show we're debuting at. Details are inside. I suppose you might need it.”
Sunggyu stares at the bold 'KBS' on the front. “I don't know how many times I've said this,” he starts, “but-”
“It's nothing,” he waves his hand dismissively. “So I guess I'll see you then?”
Will he? Myungsoo eyes him expectantly, and Sunggyu just smiles.
What Sunggyu didn't tell Myungsoo is the fact that he's not ready to talk to Woohyun, to tell him everything, or to just see him. There's a part in his heart, a tiny piece that holds him back, and he knows he shouldn't be, but he's scared. Terrified, even. It might seem illogical, but for the three months Woohyun has been in his life, the man has craved something deep in his heart. It's not easy to sacrifice everything and throw himself to him, without an inkling of the future. It's painful now, but if Woohyun decides that he's got more important things elsewhere? Sunggyu knows it's totally presumptuous of him, but.
But.
His finger lingers on the 'Send' button as he lies in the middle of his living room, a cup noodle on the coffee table. He'd told his employees that he wasn't coming today, and they sent encouraging texts, telling him good luck, telling him to tell Woohyun good luck-damn Sungyeol for looking through his bag the day before-and there's a pang of guilt in his stomach. He looks at the clock: and the show starts in ten minutes. He'd need thirty minutes to reach the address in the envelope. He's biting his chopstick as he looks up to the screen. He sighs, moves his hand to another button.
Erase. Erase. Erase.
A gentle push is all he needs, but then he remembers Myungsoo's words, Dongwoo's, Sungjong's, and he remembers Woohyun. Woohyun.
Ten minutes pass. He bites his lip, and presses.
Good luck with your debut. Don't throw away your dream, you deserve all of it. You deserve everything.
I'm sorry, are the words he cannot type, but when Woohyun's reply comes almost immediately, it's more than enough. Sunggyu laughs bitterly, presses the heels of his palms to his eyes, and they touch dampness. A second later, he's crying into his hands, his shoulders shaking, his cup noodle forgotten. He wants to see Woohyun.
I just want you to be here.
Even with all the running he does, it takes Sunggyu almost an hour to arrive at the venue, because it's raining and traffic is ridiculous. He has no idea how long a music show usually is, but he's pretty sure it's already over, because a bunch of giggling girls with banners in their hands are walking in the opposite direction.
Something inside him dies a little. “Excuse me,” he asks the girls, “is the show over?”
The four girls look at each other, before one of them looks at him apologetically. “It ended almost half an hour ago.”
“Oh,” Sunggyu says.
“I don't know if you read it on the main webpage of the show, but it's stated that the show for this week and next week were moved an hour earlier, because there are specials,” the other girl tries to explain again, probably because of Sunggyu's confused look. “Normally it should end in an hour, but the show was an hour and a half.”
“Oh,” he says again, “I see. Thank you.”
“No problem,” she answers, offering a small smile.
The girls are about to go, when Sunggyu steps in front of them again. They stare at him, and he clears his throat. “Um, I'm sorry, but where is the main entrance? I, uh, I need to meet someone.”
“It's the third door on the right, the biggest one,” one of them points to a direction, and Sunggyu can see some people leaving the building from a pretty big door. “It was almost empty when we left, but some performers are still there.”
Sunggyu nods, and bows gratefully. “Thanks.”
And Sunggyu runs, again.
The place is big, and dark. It's three times the size of Sunggyu's café, and Sunggyu can see why Myungsoo wanted them to solve everything before, because it might be pretty embarrassing to mess up while performing there. The entrance is near the highest seat, so he needs to go down to reach the stage, where some lights are still on. There are people cleaning up the mess between the seats, and some others with a bold white 'CREW' stamped on their black shirts scattered around the stage, yelling at one another.
He looks around, slowly walking down the narrow stairs, and he's halfway there when a familiar voice calls from behind him. “Hyung.”
Sunggyu turns around so fast that he's sure he hears something snapping around the area of his neck, and Woohyun is there, three steps above him. Beads of sweat glisten on his forehead, and even though he's wearing a grey hoodie and a white t-shirt, there's still gel in his hair and eyeliner around his eyes.
He looks beautiful. Sunggyu gulps, taking a step up. “Hey.”
“You're here,” Woohyun states the obvious, taking a step down, and they meet in the middle, He smiles. “I'm glad.”
Sunggyu wants to cry. He feels like something punches him in the stomach as he says, “I missed it.”
“But you came,” Woohyun shrugs, his smile still in place. It makes Sunggyu feels even guiltier. Maybe he deserves it. “I didn't even know that you knew about this.”
“I, um,” Sunggyu says, “Your friend told me.”
“My friend?”
Sunggyu pauses, now unsure if he should even talk about it at all. “Uh, yeah. Myungsoo?”
Woohyun's expression changes, and even with minimal lights, Sunggyu can see his face turns a shade redder. “God damn it,” he curses under his breath, “Right. I swear he's going to get it from me later.”
“You,” Sunggyu starts, and Woohyun looks up. He gulps down the lump in his throat. “You shouldn't. He's a really good friend.”
Woohyun tilts his head then, contemplating. “Okay then,” he answers, and he gives Sunggyu a look. Sunggyu can't see it in his eyes, but he knows how Woohyun feels. How they feel. “So.”
“So,” Sunggyu repeats.
Woohyun moves forward, into Sunggyu's breathing space. Sunggyu almost moves back, but then he catches Woohyun's eyes and they're trying to tell him something. What, he doesn't know. But he stays still. “We did pretty well.”
Sunggyu lets out a small, nervous laugh. “You did?”
“Yeah,” Woohyun chuckles, reaching out to take Sunggyu's hand. Sunggyu knows Woohyun can sense how tense Sunggyu is, but doesn't seem like he cares that much as he plays with Sunggyu's fingers, tracing. “The mic was kind of messed up, but it's nothing big. Myungsoo's left earphone stopped working in the middle of our performance too, but he continued on just fine. And Hoya-you know Hoya? I think I've brought him to your café before. Well, his shoelaces came undone, but he managed to finish his dance break perfectly. And you know what? I was looking the audience, and there were people holding towels with our names on it, it's kind of -“
Woohyun stops, because Sunggyu tugs at his elbow, and throws his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He buries his face against Woohyun's neck, inhaling deeply. Woohyun tenses for a while, before he relaxes and touches Sunggyu's back, his nose tickling Sunggyu's jawline. “I'm sorry,” Sunggyu mutters against the fabric of Woohyun's hoodie, and he can practically feel Woohyun's smile.
“It's fine,” he says, his tone tender, and Sunggyu tightens his hold on the younger boy.
“It's not,” he insists, because he hates how Woohyun gives and gives and gives and doesn't take when Sunggyu is finally offering something. He hates how Woohyun is so selfless, so nice, so loving, because it makes him feel worse. “Don't-none of what I said was fine, and I deserve a punch from you or something. I shouldn't have done that. It's just. I was a selfish, insensitive prick. I just. I don't.”
“Hey,” Woohyun pulls back slightly, searching for Sunggyu's eyes. “It's okay.”
Sunggyu hugs tighter. “I'm really sorry.”
“You're forgiven.”
“And,” Sunggyu pushes him a little, stepping back, and he makes sure Woohyun can see what he's saying, can understand, can believe. “I love you too. I'm sorry I didn't say it from the start, I'm sorry I didn't show you that you're worth it. Worth everything. I-“
Woohyun places a hand against his shoulder then, slightly chuckling. “You need to stop talking and start breathing, hyung. With your old age you might get a heart attack.” Sunggyu shoves Woohyun's shoulder roughly at that. Woohyun laughs and raises his hand, thumbing Sunggyu's lower lip. “I've told you it's all good. Now we're okay, right?”
Sunggyu rolls his eyes, but he lets Woohyun steps closer, winding his arms around his waist. “Yeah,” he mumbles into Woohyun's neck, “I guess.”
“Also, just for the record,” Woohyun says, his tone teasing, “I didn't dump my girlfriend. She dumped me after I told her that her terrorizing texts were starting to scare me. So basically because she's a 'clingy bitch', as Sungjong eloquently put it.” Woohyun makes an air quotation. “So yeah. There's nothing to be worried about.”
Sunggyu grins into Woohyun's shoulder then. “I might turn into a clingy bitch too.”
“I think I've turned into one,” Woohyun muses. “Too bad then. You're stuck with me forever.”
“I don't mind,” Sunggyu mumbles, and he can feel Woohyun's smile.
“Oh, by the way,” Woohyun suddenly pulls back, “once we reach your apartment, the first thing I'm going to make you do is watch my debut performance. Seriously, what kind of boyfriend are you, missing my awesome debut like that? This is the future big star whose autograph you'll be begging for ten years down the road, you know.”
But Sunggyu's brain stops at a certain word, and he stares at Woohyun. “Boyfriend,” he says slowly, tasting how it rolls off of his tongue. Woohyun watches him, his eyes affectionate. “So now we're boyfriends?”
“Or you can be my girlfriend,” Woohyun shrugs. “I don't mind. As long as you're mine.”
Sunggyu cringes. “That's. I don't. Stop saying things like that, God, you're so embarrassing.”
“Whatever, you still love me,” he sticks his tongue out, and Sunggyu simply smiles and doesn't answer, because he's pretty sure Woohyun knows anyway. Woohyun pulls back, slipping his hands around Sunggyu's neck, angling his face so that they're looking at each other. “I love you too,” Woohyun says, soft, and Sunggyu splutters, embarrassed, but Woohyun chuckles and presses their foreheads together. “I mean it,” he says, again, and Sunggyu thinks of millions of reasons, thousands of risks, and maybe for now, just maybe, falling is worth it. “I really do.”
Sunggyu smiles, and leans in. “I know,” he says to Woohyun's mouth, and he can feel the younger smiling.
“I can't believe you ripped your pants,” Sunggyu says, and bursts into laughter when he sees Woohyun's red ears.
They're eating Chinese takeout in Sunggyu's apartment, with a laptop opened on the coffee table, Woohyun's debut performance playing on the screen. It's good, and Sunggyu thinks he's fed Woohyun's ego enough for the next ten years with his continuous compliments. Except on the third replay of the video, when Sunggyu notices that Woohyun's checkered pants are ripped from mid-thigh to knee, and. Well.
“Shut up,” Woohyun says roughly, pausing the video and closing the tab. “Damn, I was hoping you'd miss that.”
“How could I miss that? That's really hilarious, oh my God. You'll definitely get Rookie of the Year award for that, I'm sure.”
“You're so annoying,” Woohyun shoves him, and Sunggyu rolls on the floor, still laughing. Suddenly though, a shadow hovers over him, and Woohyun is right on top of him.
His knees are on either side of Sunggyu's hips. “Um,” Sunggyu says.
“Um, too,” Woohyun grins, and leans down.
Sunggyu places a hand on his chest. “But we still have food,” Sunggyu protests. Woohyun rolls his eyes at that, but he gets to his feet, shoves the remainder of their food into the plastic bag it came in and dumps them into the trashcan in the kitchen. He walks back and throws himself down beside Sunggyu, flinging his arm around Sunggyu's waist and hooks his legs around Sunggyu's, pulling them closer.
Sunggyu cranes his neck to look in the direction of the kitchen. “That's a waste,” Sunggyu says forlornly. Woohyun hits him.
“Can we please focus here,” he snaps, and Sunggyu laughs again. Woohyun pulls him by the collar then, and kisses him.
∞