ISS 2011: FOR LEEJAEHWA7
To: leejaehwa7
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Loneliness
Pairing/Focus: SungYeol/ L, SungJong
Rating: PG
Word count: 2972
Summary: SungJong wasn't used to being shoved aside and ignored.
SungJong wasn't quiet or still very often. Even then, he observed the other six guys he'd thrown his lot with, and tried to figure them out. Not because he wanted to figure out how to get the most out of them (well, not only because of that), but because he was the youngest in the group with a little brother that counted on him, and he needed all the help he could get to figure out... life.
Within days he almost felt like the odd man out. Whatever had been between SungKyu and WooHyun had disappeared two days after they'd started to room together. DongWoo and Hoya had their heads together most of the time, talking about dancing (and sometimes actually clearing everyone out of the front room so they could do more than just talk). SungJong didn't know what L and SungYeol did, because they always seemed to be... gone. Elsewhere. Physically, too, which made him all the more curious. Because, really? What did they have to hide?
And... didn't they meet at the same time as everyone else? So how could they be so much closer? And why did they keep disappearing? And, most importantly, where?
"Where do you go?" SungJong asked one night, when Hoya had already fallen asleep and SungYeol tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable.
SungYeol stopped, and then sat up to look at him. "What?"
"You and L-hyung. Where do you go?"
They kept it dark on purpose (easier to sleep in the dark), but that didn't keep SungJong from trying to see SungYeol's face. "Go?"
"You weren't here, or his room, or... anywhere I could find," SungJong said.
"Why are you looking for us?" SungYeol asked, sounding suspicious.
SungJong shrugged. "Because you weren't there." He lay back down.
SungYeol huffed and lay back down as well. "Why were you looking for us?" he repeated.
"Because I wanted to know where you went," SungJong said, and immediately wished he hadn't. SungYeol would just take it wrong, because they always did.
"Nosey brat. Stay out of our business."
Yeah. Like that.
It wasn't that he was nosey, so much. SungJong did have a healthy curiosity, without question. But he couldn't explain to anyone - including himself - why it was so important to know what went on with those two. The closest he ever came was in a complaint to DongWoo. "They're my age," he said, sprawled on the practice room floor one afternoon when everyone had gone out for something to drink. "Or closer than the rest of you," he added at the eyebrow DongWoo raised in his direction. "Do you know where they go?"
"No," DongWoo said, and got to his feet. He bent down and ruffled SungJong's hair, smiling at the wordless whine SungJong let out. "You may not want to know."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't," DongWoo said.
SungJong scowled up at him, then sighed and rolled over to get to his feet when the door opened and SungKyu came in with everyone else. "Still," he muttered. "At least you have a friend." He folded his arms and just managed not to glare at SungYeol and L, and that only because he knew he'd just get in trouble if he did.
Instead, he did the next worst thing. He completely ignored them. Although not enough that he didn't notice a look he'd never seen between anyone but his own parents.
That just made the problem worse because they didn't even notice he was ignoring them, and it made him feel more lonely than before. He hid that the best way he knew how: by bothering everyone else. That got him actually sent to bed early - wait, was SungKyu his mother, now? - so he lay curled up in his bed, teddy bear clutched to him (he didn't even want to beat up on it), his back to the rest of the room. He fiddled with his phone a little, headphones in but music off, then gave up and set it down, wrapping the headphones around it.
"Yah."
SungYeol's voice made him jump, and he turned over to look at him. "What."
"What is with you today?"
"Nothing."
SungYeol huffed. "You shouldn't lie to your hyung," he said.
"Then don't ask me stupid questions," SungJong snapped. "I'm supposed to be going to sleep, which I can't do if you're talking to me." He rolled back over to the wall.
He thought he heard SungYeol leave, but before he could relax, someone poked his shoulder. With a sigh, SungJong turned back over. "What?" he asked, a moment before he registered L leaning on the edge of his bunk.
"What'd you say to SungYeol-hyung?"
SungJong stared at him, wary. "When?" he asked, not sure how far back he wanted to know about.
"Just now. He's upset."
"I told him to stop asking me stupid questions so I wouldn't lie to him," SungJong said.
L smiled - not a big one, but a smile - and shook his head. "Your logic is strained," he said.
"I'm not supposed to have logic," SungJong said. "It's in my contract."
SungYeol hadn't left, apparently, because he abruptly coughed, choking on... something. SungJong looked over the edge of the bed, narrowly missing butting heads with L. SungYeol sat against his own bunk bed, on the floor, looking like he was... dying. Or laughing, like L. SungJong pouted and curled up again, his back to them. "I'm supposed to be going to sleep," he said, sullenly. "I can't do that if you're here and talking to me."
It occurred to him, after they'd left, that he'd just probably destroyed any chance he'd had of actually finding out what they did and how they'd gotten so close (and what that look might mean). Thoroughly frustrated, he curled tighter and let himself cry a little before reining it back in and relaxing enough to fall asleep.
SungJong jerked his head back when someone sprayed a fine mist of water into his face. "Come on, SungJongie, wake up," SungKyu said. "You need food before we head in." SungJong pulled his pillow over his head, only to have SungKyu snatch it away. "I've been through this with DongWoo and L already," he said, sounding angry, and SungJong sighed, rubbing his eyes to get them to open.
"Fine. I'm up," he murmured, and sat up, running a hand through his hair. "Did you really say food?"
But by then, SungKyu was gone. SungJong climbed down carefully - he'd already fallen once, and it hurt and got him laughed at - gathered clothes, and went to check on the status of the bathroom. He gave up on the idea of a shower immediately - he'd get one that night, if he were actually awake enough - and quickly dressed before heading into the kitchen.
He found only SungYeol and L in there and studiously ignored them, although he didn't miss how they'd been holding hands and stopped as soon as they saw him. He put together something that might even be called breakfast (rather than lunch). He stood at the counter to eat it, partially because he still felt stupid, and partially because he could still feel the 'keep off' vibe the two seemed to put off any time they were together. He finished by stuffing the rest of his food in his mouth, but just as he started to leave the kitchen, Hoya came in and threw an arm around his shoulders. "Are you feeling better?" he asked, pulling SungJong back to the fridge in order to find himself something to eat.
"Feeling better?" SungJong repeated, once he'd swallowed his bite.
"You were all out of sorts last night," Hoya said, letting him go to pull stuff out of the fridge. SungJong decided he'd had a better breakfast than he'd thought.
"I slept," SungJong said.
"Uh-huh. Which doesn't answer my question." Hoya glanced at him.
SungJong shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not awake yet."
"You're not awake yet," Hoya repeated slowly. "Why not?"
SungJong leaned against the counter and held up a finger. "Water in the face," he said, and lifted a second. "No shower."
Hoya laughed. "Two very good reasons. L's awake."
SungJong glanced at L, who watched him impassively, then looked back at Hoya and shrugged. "I'm not him," he said and pushed away from the counter. "I'm gonna get ready for the day." He evaded Hoya's grasp and ducked out of the kitchen, ignoring the dancer's "Yah, SungJongie!"
He didn't lock the door, mostly because both Hoya and SungYeol needed to get in there, but SungJong really wanted to. A lot. Instead, he knelt at the foot of his bunk bed and quickly switched things out, making sure he had everything he wanted. By the time SungYeol and Hoya came in - talking quietly about something - he was done and made his escape before they realized he was there.
He forgot they both came in pairs (if a more literal meaning with SungYeol) and nearly ran into L on his way to their front room. "Are you feeling better?" L asked.
SungJong opened his mouth to smart off - it was what he did when he felt like this, but they didn't know that yet - and then paused, closing it again. Finally he sighed. "What makes you think I wasn't feeling fine yesterday?"
L lifted an eyebrow. "Hyung sent you to bed early," he reminded SungJong. "And you...." He stopped, pressing his lips together, then shrugged. "You just looked upset."
"Oh." SungJong tried to think of something else to say, and came up with nothing. "Nope," he finally said breezily, and headed past L. "I'm fine." He did lie pretty well.
Or so he thought. "You're not fine," L said, grabbing his arm.
SungJong yanked himself free. "I'm well enough," he snapped, turned, and nearly ran into DongWoo. He wanted to curse them all, but all DongWoo did was grab his arm and pull him into his own and L's shared bedroom, and then let him go. DongWoo locked the door, but then he didn't say anything, kneeling down to go through his own backpack. He ignored the banging on the door, and it finally stopped.
"What did you want, hyung?" SungJong asked after it had.
"You looked like you really wanted out of there, so L can wait until I'm done," DongWoo said.
SungJong leaned against the wall, a little surprised. "Oh. Thanks."
DongWoo flashed him a smile before going back to his backpack. "You're welcome," he said. "Getting any answers?"
"About?"
"Where they go?"
SungJong snorted. "No. Just the stupid magnae, you know."
"You are not."
"Nosy, then," SungJong said, and sighed. "It's not important."
DongWoo looked up at him. "What's the problem?" he asked, but gently, as if he really wanted to know the answer.
SungJong slid down the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees. He regarded DongWoo for a moment, because he didn't know how much he trusted any of them. And decided he didn't, not yet. Maybe later, when he knew them all better. "Nothing," he said.
DongWoo looked at him seriously, then smiled. "You just don't want to tell me."
"That, too," SungJong said.
DongWoo ruffled his hair, then stood up and offered his hand to help SungJong up. "Maybe sometime," he said.
SungJong took his hand and stood up, following him as he led the way out of the room and to the front room. And then they all left, and it was nice to be in the group, no longer feeling quite so left out.
It didn't last, though, and SungJong spent the rest of the day glaring at everyone. And that meant everyone, no matter what. WooHyun, maybe, didn't deserve it, but then he hadn't said a thing to SungJong all day, and that was enough for him. He couldn't have even said why he was so frustrated with them all, except that as usual, when they finished anything, everyone paired up and that was that. And it meant he was left out. Again.
He followed the rest out to the van, climbing in and getting whatever spot they had left for him. Hugging his backpack, he closed his eyes and tried not to think, because thinking would be just as bad. He didn't notice the silence in the car, or see the glances the others sent his way even when he opened his eyes once or twice to look out the window to see where they were. He just hoped to get back home soon and find some place to hide. Not that he could think of anywhere, but then, everyone was tired, and he was pretty sure he'd go to sleep pretty fast.
As long as no one tried to talk to him.
Last in, first out, so when they stopped SungJong went inside, kicked his shoes off and nudged them out of the way, and then went to get clean clothes for a shower. He'd managed to get the bathroom door locked just before someone knocked.
"SungJongie? Dinner?" SungKyu called.
"Maybe when I'm done," he called back, and turned the water on to mask the sounds of everyone else. It didn't work perfectly, but well enough that for a short time he felt like he was alone in the world, not left out.
He shut the water off - never as long as any of them wanted (seven made it hard to give the last person hot water) - and dried off quickly before getting dressed. He slipped out of the bathroom, taking his clothes with him, and dumped them in the hamper before crawling up into bed.
"You didn't eat," SungKyu said before he'd even gotten comfortable.
SungJong turned to look at him. "I'm not hungry, hyung. I'll have breakfast."
SungKyu blinked at him. "You should have something," he repeated.
SungJong sighed and sat up. He just wasn't going to get out of this, he could tell by the look in his leader's eyes. "Okay," he said finally, and climbed down. By the time he got back to the floor, SungKyu was gone again. SungJong shuffled after him, grabbing a sweater on the way.
The kitchen was empty, but he thought he heard someone else in the shower, and a low conversation in SungKyu and WooHyun's room. DongWoo's was silent, but that didn't account for Hoya, either, at least not until he heard both rappers burst into laughter. And, of course, SungYeol and L were gone... somewhere else. As always.
Getting to the kitchen didn't spark his appetite, and so he turned around and went back to his room to climb back in bed. He tugged the sweater off, and when he looked up again, SungYeol and L stood casually against his bed, L on the ladder, his elbow resting on SungYeol's shoulder. Not that he needed to use the ladder, but SungYeol was close enough to grab him to keep him from climbing up the end of the bed. He frowned (more to keep from pouting) and folded his arms. "What?"
"We want to know what's wrong with you," SungYeol said.
"No, you don't. You want me to stop wondering where you go and to stop being nosy," SungJong snapped. The two exchanged a look that said more than SungJong could read, and he sighed, looking away. He'd said too much, apparently. Again.
L got down off the ladder. "SungJong, you've got us all worried," he said. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong." He wanted to shout, but the walls were so thin, and everyone was probably listening anyway. No reason to make it easy on them.
"Which is why you haven't said a word to anyone all day," SungYeol said quietly.
"Who would I say it to?" SungJong asked, looking up at him. "You two are always off doing things, DongWoo-hyung and Hoya-hyung are always discussing dance and rap - neither of which I can do, at least not at their level - and it's about worth my life to disturb the other two."
The two exchanged glances again, and SungJong swallowed down the urge to cry. "What are you going to do about it?" SungYeol asked.
"I am going to get in bed, if you two will move, and go to sleep," SungJong snapped.
"And then what?" L asked.
SungJong shrugged. "Get up and go through tomorrow." He started to push his way between them.
SungYeol stopped him in the most basic way; he hugged SungJong. Set to resist, SungJong couldn't, hugging him back and burying his face in SungYeol's shoulder. L's fingers tangled in his hair, and SungJong thought maybe tomorrow wouldn't be so rough after all.
Maybe. He wasn't going to assume anything.
But at least he felt a little less... cast aside? or something, and fell asleep almost as soon as he crawled in bed.
The next morning he staggered out of bed before that blasted mist thing (although SungJong couldn't have said how), and went into the kitchen still half asleep. He found breakfast - sort of, because he couldn't have said what he found - and then sat at the table. When he looked up, L and SungYeol grinned at him knowingly from the other two chairs. "What?"
"You are so asleep," SungYeol said, amused.
"How'd you avoid Kyu-hyung?" L asked.
"I got up before he got in there," SungJong murmured, and braced his head in his hands. "I think the infernal mist is better than this."
"No," L said promptly. "It's not."
"Eat," SungYeol said. "It'll look better after that. And eat enough."
"Hah," SungJong said, but he did feel better after breakfast. Getting dressed, he wondered about the whole thing, about L and SungYeol and why he hadn't felt that 'keep away' vibe he'd felt the morning before. He didn't think he'd been any more awake yesterday. Then he gave himself a shake, half to wake up more and half to chase the thought away, and finished checking his backpack.
When SungYeol and L vanished again after dinner, SungJong only mildly wondered where they'd gone because Dongwoo and Hoya pulled him into the front room to go over the choreography for their debut sometime in the future. SungJong didn't protest, mostly because he needed the help, but partly because it was nice to be involved. And even after they'd finished with that, they continued to teach him until he sat down, laughing, and refused to learn any more.
"But you'll fall behind if you don't," Hoya teased, sitting down in front of him.
"Not if my legs fall off," SungJong protested.
"Your legs won't fall off," DongWoo said. "They have to be amputated."
Hoya looked at him and laughed. "Oh, and that makes sense."
"It made sense to me," SungJong said.
Hoya rolled his eyes. "Come on," he said, and pulled SungJong to his feet again. "One more step."
SungJong followed because he didn't mind, really.
He sometimes wondered if they had some sort of schedule worked out, who got to babysit the magnae, but then he noticed how things were changing. It became obvious on a rare afternoon off.
"I'm going for something other than what we've been eating," Hoya said softly in an aside to SungJong, both of them in the back seat of the van. On the other side of Hoya, DongWoo leaned forward, talking excitedly about shopping or something else with SungKyu and WooHyun. "Want to come with me?"
SungJong considered, and then nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I do."
That evening, he relaxed at the table, full of food and quite happy with the day.
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: Loneliness
Pairing/Focus: SungYeol/ L, SungJong
Rating: PG
Word count: 2972
Summary: SungJong wasn't used to being shoved aside and ignored.
SungJong wasn't quiet or still very often. Even then, he observed the other six guys he'd thrown his lot with, and tried to figure them out. Not because he wanted to figure out how to get the most out of them (well, not only because of that), but because he was the youngest in the group with a little brother that counted on him, and he needed all the help he could get to figure out... life.
Within days he almost felt like the odd man out. Whatever had been between SungKyu and WooHyun had disappeared two days after they'd started to room together. DongWoo and Hoya had their heads together most of the time, talking about dancing (and sometimes actually clearing everyone out of the front room so they could do more than just talk). SungJong didn't know what L and SungYeol did, because they always seemed to be... gone. Elsewhere. Physically, too, which made him all the more curious. Because, really? What did they have to hide?
And... didn't they meet at the same time as everyone else? So how could they be so much closer? And why did they keep disappearing? And, most importantly, where?
"Where do you go?" SungJong asked one night, when Hoya had already fallen asleep and SungYeol tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable.
SungYeol stopped, and then sat up to look at him. "What?"
"You and L-hyung. Where do you go?"
They kept it dark on purpose (easier to sleep in the dark), but that didn't keep SungJong from trying to see SungYeol's face. "Go?"
"You weren't here, or his room, or... anywhere I could find," SungJong said.
"Why are you looking for us?" SungYeol asked, sounding suspicious.
SungJong shrugged. "Because you weren't there." He lay back down.
SungYeol huffed and lay back down as well. "Why were you looking for us?" he repeated.
"Because I wanted to know where you went," SungJong said, and immediately wished he hadn't. SungYeol would just take it wrong, because they always did.
"Nosey brat. Stay out of our business."
Yeah. Like that.
It wasn't that he was nosey, so much. SungJong did have a healthy curiosity, without question. But he couldn't explain to anyone - including himself - why it was so important to know what went on with those two. The closest he ever came was in a complaint to DongWoo. "They're my age," he said, sprawled on the practice room floor one afternoon when everyone had gone out for something to drink. "Or closer than the rest of you," he added at the eyebrow DongWoo raised in his direction. "Do you know where they go?"
"No," DongWoo said, and got to his feet. He bent down and ruffled SungJong's hair, smiling at the wordless whine SungJong let out. "You may not want to know."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't," DongWoo said.
SungJong scowled up at him, then sighed and rolled over to get to his feet when the door opened and SungKyu came in with everyone else. "Still," he muttered. "At least you have a friend." He folded his arms and just managed not to glare at SungYeol and L, and that only because he knew he'd just get in trouble if he did.
Instead, he did the next worst thing. He completely ignored them. Although not enough that he didn't notice a look he'd never seen between anyone but his own parents.
That just made the problem worse because they didn't even notice he was ignoring them, and it made him feel more lonely than before. He hid that the best way he knew how: by bothering everyone else. That got him actually sent to bed early - wait, was SungKyu his mother, now? - so he lay curled up in his bed, teddy bear clutched to him (he didn't even want to beat up on it), his back to the rest of the room. He fiddled with his phone a little, headphones in but music off, then gave up and set it down, wrapping the headphones around it.
"Yah."
SungYeol's voice made him jump, and he turned over to look at him. "What."
"What is with you today?"
"Nothing."
SungYeol huffed. "You shouldn't lie to your hyung," he said.
"Then don't ask me stupid questions," SungJong snapped. "I'm supposed to be going to sleep, which I can't do if you're talking to me." He rolled back over to the wall.
He thought he heard SungYeol leave, but before he could relax, someone poked his shoulder. With a sigh, SungJong turned back over. "What?" he asked, a moment before he registered L leaning on the edge of his bunk.
"What'd you say to SungYeol-hyung?"
SungJong stared at him, wary. "When?" he asked, not sure how far back he wanted to know about.
"Just now. He's upset."
"I told him to stop asking me stupid questions so I wouldn't lie to him," SungJong said.
L smiled - not a big one, but a smile - and shook his head. "Your logic is strained," he said.
"I'm not supposed to have logic," SungJong said. "It's in my contract."
SungYeol hadn't left, apparently, because he abruptly coughed, choking on... something. SungJong looked over the edge of the bed, narrowly missing butting heads with L. SungYeol sat against his own bunk bed, on the floor, looking like he was... dying. Or laughing, like L. SungJong pouted and curled up again, his back to them. "I'm supposed to be going to sleep," he said, sullenly. "I can't do that if you're here and talking to me."
It occurred to him, after they'd left, that he'd just probably destroyed any chance he'd had of actually finding out what they did and how they'd gotten so close (and what that look might mean). Thoroughly frustrated, he curled tighter and let himself cry a little before reining it back in and relaxing enough to fall asleep.
SungJong jerked his head back when someone sprayed a fine mist of water into his face. "Come on, SungJongie, wake up," SungKyu said. "You need food before we head in." SungJong pulled his pillow over his head, only to have SungKyu snatch it away. "I've been through this with DongWoo and L already," he said, sounding angry, and SungJong sighed, rubbing his eyes to get them to open.
"Fine. I'm up," he murmured, and sat up, running a hand through his hair. "Did you really say food?"
But by then, SungKyu was gone. SungJong climbed down carefully - he'd already fallen once, and it hurt and got him laughed at - gathered clothes, and went to check on the status of the bathroom. He gave up on the idea of a shower immediately - he'd get one that night, if he were actually awake enough - and quickly dressed before heading into the kitchen.
He found only SungYeol and L in there and studiously ignored them, although he didn't miss how they'd been holding hands and stopped as soon as they saw him. He put together something that might even be called breakfast (rather than lunch). He stood at the counter to eat it, partially because he still felt stupid, and partially because he could still feel the 'keep off' vibe the two seemed to put off any time they were together. He finished by stuffing the rest of his food in his mouth, but just as he started to leave the kitchen, Hoya came in and threw an arm around his shoulders. "Are you feeling better?" he asked, pulling SungJong back to the fridge in order to find himself something to eat.
"Feeling better?" SungJong repeated, once he'd swallowed his bite.
"You were all out of sorts last night," Hoya said, letting him go to pull stuff out of the fridge. SungJong decided he'd had a better breakfast than he'd thought.
"I slept," SungJong said.
"Uh-huh. Which doesn't answer my question." Hoya glanced at him.
SungJong shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not awake yet."
"You're not awake yet," Hoya repeated slowly. "Why not?"
SungJong leaned against the counter and held up a finger. "Water in the face," he said, and lifted a second. "No shower."
Hoya laughed. "Two very good reasons. L's awake."
SungJong glanced at L, who watched him impassively, then looked back at Hoya and shrugged. "I'm not him," he said and pushed away from the counter. "I'm gonna get ready for the day." He evaded Hoya's grasp and ducked out of the kitchen, ignoring the dancer's "Yah, SungJongie!"
He didn't lock the door, mostly because both Hoya and SungYeol needed to get in there, but SungJong really wanted to. A lot. Instead, he knelt at the foot of his bunk bed and quickly switched things out, making sure he had everything he wanted. By the time SungYeol and Hoya came in - talking quietly about something - he was done and made his escape before they realized he was there.
He forgot they both came in pairs (if a more literal meaning with SungYeol) and nearly ran into L on his way to their front room. "Are you feeling better?" L asked.
SungJong opened his mouth to smart off - it was what he did when he felt like this, but they didn't know that yet - and then paused, closing it again. Finally he sighed. "What makes you think I wasn't feeling fine yesterday?"
L lifted an eyebrow. "Hyung sent you to bed early," he reminded SungJong. "And you...." He stopped, pressing his lips together, then shrugged. "You just looked upset."
"Oh." SungJong tried to think of something else to say, and came up with nothing. "Nope," he finally said breezily, and headed past L. "I'm fine." He did lie pretty well.
Or so he thought. "You're not fine," L said, grabbing his arm.
SungJong yanked himself free. "I'm well enough," he snapped, turned, and nearly ran into DongWoo. He wanted to curse them all, but all DongWoo did was grab his arm and pull him into his own and L's shared bedroom, and then let him go. DongWoo locked the door, but then he didn't say anything, kneeling down to go through his own backpack. He ignored the banging on the door, and it finally stopped.
"What did you want, hyung?" SungJong asked after it had.
"You looked like you really wanted out of there, so L can wait until I'm done," DongWoo said.
SungJong leaned against the wall, a little surprised. "Oh. Thanks."
DongWoo flashed him a smile before going back to his backpack. "You're welcome," he said. "Getting any answers?"
"About?"
"Where they go?"
SungJong snorted. "No. Just the stupid magnae, you know."
"You are not."
"Nosy, then," SungJong said, and sighed. "It's not important."
DongWoo looked up at him. "What's the problem?" he asked, but gently, as if he really wanted to know the answer.
SungJong slid down the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees. He regarded DongWoo for a moment, because he didn't know how much he trusted any of them. And decided he didn't, not yet. Maybe later, when he knew them all better. "Nothing," he said.
DongWoo looked at him seriously, then smiled. "You just don't want to tell me."
"That, too," SungJong said.
DongWoo ruffled his hair, then stood up and offered his hand to help SungJong up. "Maybe sometime," he said.
SungJong took his hand and stood up, following him as he led the way out of the room and to the front room. And then they all left, and it was nice to be in the group, no longer feeling quite so left out.
It didn't last, though, and SungJong spent the rest of the day glaring at everyone. And that meant everyone, no matter what. WooHyun, maybe, didn't deserve it, but then he hadn't said a thing to SungJong all day, and that was enough for him. He couldn't have even said why he was so frustrated with them all, except that as usual, when they finished anything, everyone paired up and that was that. And it meant he was left out. Again.
He followed the rest out to the van, climbing in and getting whatever spot they had left for him. Hugging his backpack, he closed his eyes and tried not to think, because thinking would be just as bad. He didn't notice the silence in the car, or see the glances the others sent his way even when he opened his eyes once or twice to look out the window to see where they were. He just hoped to get back home soon and find some place to hide. Not that he could think of anywhere, but then, everyone was tired, and he was pretty sure he'd go to sleep pretty fast.
As long as no one tried to talk to him.
Last in, first out, so when they stopped SungJong went inside, kicked his shoes off and nudged them out of the way, and then went to get clean clothes for a shower. He'd managed to get the bathroom door locked just before someone knocked.
"SungJongie? Dinner?" SungKyu called.
"Maybe when I'm done," he called back, and turned the water on to mask the sounds of everyone else. It didn't work perfectly, but well enough that for a short time he felt like he was alone in the world, not left out.
He shut the water off - never as long as any of them wanted (seven made it hard to give the last person hot water) - and dried off quickly before getting dressed. He slipped out of the bathroom, taking his clothes with him, and dumped them in the hamper before crawling up into bed.
"You didn't eat," SungKyu said before he'd even gotten comfortable.
SungJong turned to look at him. "I'm not hungry, hyung. I'll have breakfast."
SungKyu blinked at him. "You should have something," he repeated.
SungJong sighed and sat up. He just wasn't going to get out of this, he could tell by the look in his leader's eyes. "Okay," he said finally, and climbed down. By the time he got back to the floor, SungKyu was gone again. SungJong shuffled after him, grabbing a sweater on the way.
The kitchen was empty, but he thought he heard someone else in the shower, and a low conversation in SungKyu and WooHyun's room. DongWoo's was silent, but that didn't account for Hoya, either, at least not until he heard both rappers burst into laughter. And, of course, SungYeol and L were gone... somewhere else. As always.
Getting to the kitchen didn't spark his appetite, and so he turned around and went back to his room to climb back in bed. He tugged the sweater off, and when he looked up again, SungYeol and L stood casually against his bed, L on the ladder, his elbow resting on SungYeol's shoulder. Not that he needed to use the ladder, but SungYeol was close enough to grab him to keep him from climbing up the end of the bed. He frowned (more to keep from pouting) and folded his arms. "What?"
"We want to know what's wrong with you," SungYeol said.
"No, you don't. You want me to stop wondering where you go and to stop being nosy," SungJong snapped. The two exchanged a look that said more than SungJong could read, and he sighed, looking away. He'd said too much, apparently. Again.
L got down off the ladder. "SungJong, you've got us all worried," he said. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong." He wanted to shout, but the walls were so thin, and everyone was probably listening anyway. No reason to make it easy on them.
"Which is why you haven't said a word to anyone all day," SungYeol said quietly.
"Who would I say it to?" SungJong asked, looking up at him. "You two are always off doing things, DongWoo-hyung and Hoya-hyung are always discussing dance and rap - neither of which I can do, at least not at their level - and it's about worth my life to disturb the other two."
The two exchanged glances again, and SungJong swallowed down the urge to cry. "What are you going to do about it?" SungYeol asked.
"I am going to get in bed, if you two will move, and go to sleep," SungJong snapped.
"And then what?" L asked.
SungJong shrugged. "Get up and go through tomorrow." He started to push his way between them.
SungYeol stopped him in the most basic way; he hugged SungJong. Set to resist, SungJong couldn't, hugging him back and burying his face in SungYeol's shoulder. L's fingers tangled in his hair, and SungJong thought maybe tomorrow wouldn't be so rough after all.
Maybe. He wasn't going to assume anything.
But at least he felt a little less... cast aside? or something, and fell asleep almost as soon as he crawled in bed.
The next morning he staggered out of bed before that blasted mist thing (although SungJong couldn't have said how), and went into the kitchen still half asleep. He found breakfast - sort of, because he couldn't have said what he found - and then sat at the table. When he looked up, L and SungYeol grinned at him knowingly from the other two chairs. "What?"
"You are so asleep," SungYeol said, amused.
"How'd you avoid Kyu-hyung?" L asked.
"I got up before he got in there," SungJong murmured, and braced his head in his hands. "I think the infernal mist is better than this."
"No," L said promptly. "It's not."
"Eat," SungYeol said. "It'll look better after that. And eat enough."
"Hah," SungJong said, but he did feel better after breakfast. Getting dressed, he wondered about the whole thing, about L and SungYeol and why he hadn't felt that 'keep away' vibe he'd felt the morning before. He didn't think he'd been any more awake yesterday. Then he gave himself a shake, half to wake up more and half to chase the thought away, and finished checking his backpack.
When SungYeol and L vanished again after dinner, SungJong only mildly wondered where they'd gone because Dongwoo and Hoya pulled him into the front room to go over the choreography for their debut sometime in the future. SungJong didn't protest, mostly because he needed the help, but partly because it was nice to be involved. And even after they'd finished with that, they continued to teach him until he sat down, laughing, and refused to learn any more.
"But you'll fall behind if you don't," Hoya teased, sitting down in front of him.
"Not if my legs fall off," SungJong protested.
"Your legs won't fall off," DongWoo said. "They have to be amputated."
Hoya looked at him and laughed. "Oh, and that makes sense."
"It made sense to me," SungJong said.
Hoya rolled his eyes. "Come on," he said, and pulled SungJong to his feet again. "One more step."
SungJong followed because he didn't mind, really.
He sometimes wondered if they had some sort of schedule worked out, who got to babysit the magnae, but then he noticed how things were changing. It became obvious on a rare afternoon off.
"I'm going for something other than what we've been eating," Hoya said softly in an aside to SungJong, both of them in the back seat of the van. On the other side of Hoya, DongWoo leaned forward, talking excitedly about shopping or something else with SungKyu and WooHyun. "Want to come with me?"
SungJong considered, and then nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I do."
That evening, he relaxed at the table, full of food and quite happy with the day.