Crossover: Living on Wildfires [Supernatural X Real Person Fic - CW]

[cherie_morte]

Title: Living on Wildfires
Fandom: Supernatural X Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen/Jessica Moore, past Sam/Jess
Rating: NC-17 for Explicit Sexual Content, Momentary Infidelity, and Language
Word Count: 11,174
Author's Note: Second of four thepurpledove fics. This one is for brynspikess who, aside from asking for this bizarre pairing, prompted me with "fire, trapdoor, falling apart spaceship, and green." IDEK, guys. I did my best with it. Title stolen from the endlessly flawless Josh Ritter. No one beta'd this because…who the fuck is going to beta this? :P
Summary: Crossover: Jess escapes the fire and is too rattled to go back to school. She stays in California, working odd jobs until she's hired as a dogsitter by an actor named Jared Padalecki.

She can't think straight.

There's smoke in her lungs and what feels like a knife in her stomach and there's Sam's face, which she can hardly see, looking up at her in horror, slowly being pulled away.

She's going to die. Jess is going to die.

Brady—if that was Brady, or whatever that thing was, has disappeared. The pain in her abdomen lets up as soon as the black eyes are off of her. Not enough to make it stop hurting but enough for her to clear her mind. There's smoke and there's heat, and Jess knows that means fire soon. She needs to get out, and gravity isn't working right. She's stuck to the ceiling, tries crawling her way towards…what? She won't make it to the window. She's toast.

And then the most bizarre thing pops into her head. It's not quite her life flashing before her eyes, because Jess is pretty sure she'd see something a little more decisive if that were happening. Her little sister doesn't laugh on a Slip 'n' Slide, she doesn't feel the sting of the paper cut she got on the edge of her college acceptance letter, she can't taste the caramel in her latte on her first date with Sam. So she's not dead, can't be dead, can't be dying.

It's the stupidest, most random memory that could possibly occur to her, and it's the one that saves her life. "Did you know we have an attic now?" Sam said, laughing as he slid the trapdoor closed and climbed back down the ladder.

Jess had completely forgotten about it—most of Jess's things were at home with her parents and Sam didn't really own anything, so they never needed the extra storage space. It was just sitting there, and Jess finds the edge and slides open the hatch just as flames begin to lick at the ceiling.

One arm is caught by the blaze, but she pulls herself through with the other, hurries as much as she can in the state she's in. There's smoke in the attic, Jess knows it'll fill up soon and she has to get out. Probably, she could reach some neighbors, but the chances they would hear her knocking and figure out where it's coming from before she passes out aren't good enough.

She decides to take a more direct route, fights with the latch on the attic window until it's open and hurls herself out.

Second story apartment was a good idea, she thinks before hitting the ground.

_______________________________________________________________

She comes to in a white room.

She's in a white bed, and there's a woman in white clothing standing next to the white curtain.

She groans, because everything hurts, and beside her someone stands out. Jess turns her head to find the stark contrast of bright red flowers as the woman turns and her worried face swims into view.

Jess is in a hospital room, which means she somehow got out alive.

"Hello?" the woman says. "Are you awake?"

Jess stares back blankly, which should be an answer in itself and tries to speak. Her throat's not working right, and the nurse grabs the pitcher by Jess's bedside and hands over a small plastic cup of water. Jess swallows and waits a few moments before trying again.

"What day is it?" she asks, because that seems like the most important thing right now.

"It's November 10th, dear," says the nurse. "You've been here for a little over a week."

Jess nods slowly and relaxes back into bed. A week is not so bad.

_______________________________________________________________

Jess is curious as to how a girl's body can be found half-cooked, right outside of a burning building, she can be taken to the hospital and dropped by an anonymous passerby, and no one bothered to assume she just might have lived in said burning building.

Jessica Moore is dead. Jess is kneeling in front of her own gravestone. It's kind of cool, in a really terrible way.

"We found no remains, and the place was charcoal," her mother is saying. It's the ninth time she's heard the explanation, and her mom's remorse at having her prematurely declared a lost cause is starting to make Jess feel guilty. "No one told us there was a Jane Doe at the hospital fitting your description."

She gets up, dusts grave dirt off her jeans. "Seriously, mom, it's okay. A little creepy but not the end of the world. Let's just get out of here."

Jess waits for her parents to walk out of hearing range before she turns to Becky. "Sam?"

Becky bites her bottom lip. "He…left."

"Left?"

"Not right away or anything. He came to the funeral. He waited about a week. He was in really bad condition." She squeezes Jess's shoulder. "Went off with his brother, said he needed some time to think."

Jess nods. "At least he'll be taken care of."

"We should call him! Tell him you're okay. He's pretty messed up, or was when he left."

Jess doesn't doubt he is, but something ugly in her is relieved Sam's gone. With his brother—he won't come back now that Dean has him, Jess is pretty sure. Not unless she asks. She shudders, remembering the accident. It wasn't his fault, but she feels like he's tied up in whatever the hell happened, and she's not ready to face him yet.

"Brady?" Jess asks, because remembering Sam is reminding her of what started the whole mess. "Has Brady been acting weird lately?"

"No weirder than he has been for years," Becky answers. "He seemed really happy to hear you were okay yesterday, but he had to take off for class. I haven't heard from him since then. I'm sure he'll pop up."

Jess is pretty sure he won't, but she continues to nod absently.

"Want me to call Sam for you?" Becky asks.

Jess jolts, turns sharply. "You know, I'd rather be the one to do it. When I'm ready. I think I need some time to think, too."

Becky shrugs, clearly not getting it. But Jess is starting to get it, and the idea of leaving Sam in the dark, while cruel, appeals to her. She imagines getting into her car, driving off to nowhere, ditching everything. It seems better than getting pitiful stares from everyone who looks at her.

She smiles, tells Becky she'll call her, talks to her mom and dad briefly about taking a break from school, and learns from Sam's example.

She leaves Palo Alto behind.

_______________________________________________________________

Jess spends the next few months drifting.

She drives up and down the state of California several times. She builds up a resume doing things it never occurred to her that people can get paid to do. She doesn't even really need the money—Daddy is a phone call away, as always. But it's nice to be on her own.

Jess, whose entire life has been one unblurred, unfascinating straight line since the day she first crawled on the Earth, who thought she could see her future up until she died an old lady, finds that swerving is remarkably liberating.

Sure, there's no perfect, loving boyfriend wrapping long arms around her at night, no promise there will ever be a ring she'd assumed on her finger. But there's no med school looming, no dead suburban white picket-fenced cliché, and, God forgive her for thinking it, the losses are worth the gains.

Jess doesn't miss Stanford. She misses her friends and Sam and her parents but not enough to go back. She's having a lot more fun watching people's kids and mowing their lawns and eating take-out every single fucking night without worrying if her roommate will judge her.

Jessica Moore is dead and buried—and Jess doesn't miss her at all.

_______________________________________________________________

She's lying on her back, reading a novel one of her friends at Stanford recommended back when she didn't have time to read for fun. The sun is too strong, and she misses tank tops. Jess was never all that vain—it's not until half her left arm is a mess of scars and burn marks, not until she has something ugly to cover, that she really appreciates how lucky she'd been before. She has no right to complain, of course, she's lucky to be alive. But damn, she could really go for some tank tops.

Something is very suddenly in her face, planted between her and her reading. The wet tip of a nose seems to find her eye fascinating, and Jess laughs lightly as she attempts to push it away.

"Sadie, girl, leave the nice lady alone," a man's voice says. He sounds out of breath, like he's been chasing after the dog all day. He sounds happy.

Jess lays her book aside and looks up at him, and her brain shuts down. "Sam?"

He smiles at her. It's not really a 'there's my dead girlfriend, nice to see you alive' smile. "Sorry about that," he says. "She's friendly, I swear, just a little nosy." He smirks at the pun, seems put out when Jess just stares back.

Sam never would have made a joke like that with a stranger, never knew how to smile this easily, never would have played with dogs in a park like being happy was allowed to be that easy. And Jess wonders if Dean knows magic—if she's not a little annoyed that six months after she supposedly kicked the bucket, Sam has apparently forgotten all about her and become a ray of fucking sunshine.

"Sam?" she repeats.

His eyebrows bunch up. He gets the dog to return to his side and seems about ready to take off, when suddenly another one is on top of Jess, licking her face, paws crawling over her.

"Harley, no!"

Harley's head jerks up to face him. He turns and licks Jess two or three more times just for good measure, then flops down on her blanket.

"Harley," he says, exasperated. He laughs, though, even as he's apologizing. "You must be dog nip or something."

Jess pets the dog, he snuggles closer to her.

Sam holds his hand out to her. "Hey, I'm Jared," he says. "Sorry my dogs are interrupting you. I swear they're usually better behaved or I'd have them on leashes."

"Jared," Jess says as she takes his hand. "You wouldn't happen to have a twin brother?"

It would be a sin in Sam's book, she thinks, to even ask the question. Brother is a sacred word to him, brothers don't just pop up in parks. But this is fucking uncanny.

"Not that I know of," he replies. He hesitates, and Jess can tell there's something he wants to say, but he also looks like he wants to get the hell away from her. Which is understandable, Jess didn't blink for a few minutes there.

"Don't worry about the dogs," she says. "They're very sweet."

"Aren't they?" he agrees.

"And sorry if I was staring. You look exactly like a friend of mine."

"Oh, okay! I thought maybe you watched…" He drifts off, then starts over. "Look, I don't want to be too forward, but my dogs like you, so, if you're interested." He reaches into a messenger bag he has slung over one shoulder and pulls out a stack of flyers. "I'm sure you're not looking for a job or anything, but it can't hurt to ask, right?"

Jess sits up and accepts the paper, looking it over. It's a 'help wanted' for a dogsitting job, says that it's a live-in position and has a phone number to call for interviews at the bottom.

Jess takes a moment to drink it in. Her ex-boyfriend's doppelganger is soliciting her to interview for a job in the middle of a park. The moment is so surreal that she can hardly wait until Jared walks off, turning to give a hopeful wave, before she falls back onto her picnic blanket and starts laughing hysterically.

_______________________________________________________________

"Hello," she recognizes Sam (or not-really-Sam-but-might-as-well-be-Sam)'s voice.

"Uh, hi. Mr. Padalecki?"

"That's me."

"My name is Jessica Moore. I met you in the park the other day. I was hoping to set up an interview. I'm the human dog nip?"

She hears a soft laugh through the receiver. "Of course, I remember."

The guy gives her a time and location, and Jess figures what the hell.

_______________________________________________________________

The first thing she hears when she knocks at the door is scratching. She's standing outside of a very nice house in a part of L.A. she's never bothered visiting, because the restaurants and hotels are all too expensive for her new-found bohemian lifestyle. She's musing over how someone as young and as laidback as the man she met in the park seemed can afford a place like this when the door swings open, and there he is.

"Mr. Padalecki, hi," Jess says.

"Tut, none of that Mr. Padalecki nonsense. I'm Jared," he says warmly. "Come right in. Jessica, was it?"

"Jess, usually."

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Jess."

He takes her to the kitchen and they sit at his table, talking casually. Once Jess's nerves are at ease, Jared sits up straighter and tries to look serious. He's not very good at it, but Jess pretends he is.

"So, Jess, do you have a resume I can see?"

Jess takes out a copy and hands it to him. His eyes round and he looks up at her. "You're an A student at Stanford and you're interviewing to watch my dogs?"

Jess bites her lip. "Was. I dropped out."

Jared looks back down at the paper and glances up at Jess. She can sense that he's curious, but he doesn't ask.

"I see that you have some pet experience. And, uh, some everything else experience."

Jess laughs, and Jared seems relieved to hear it. He puts the resume down on the glass tabletop. "Alright, this is all…very confusing. Why don't you just tell me a little about yourself?"

Jess does just that, and, about an hour later, she leaves Jared's pretty sure that she nailed it.

He takes her on a tour of the guest house before she leaves, asks a thousand times if she's sure she'll be able to commit to being around most of the time. Jess assures him that she's been living out of a trunk for months and will welcome it, and he smiles, explaining that he doesn't actually work that often, but he wants to be sure the dogs will be taken care of on sudden notice.

The dogs try to follow her out, which she figures doesn't exactly hurt her chances.

_______________________________________________________________

She gets the job.

Jared calls her the next day, and Jess is moving into the guest house by the end of that week. It's a great set up and Jess loves Harley and Sadie already. Jared doesn't really let them out of his sight much while he's home. He enjoys running them in the morning, which means no early wake-up call, and they stay with him at night, which means no stress at all, really.

She walks them, takes them out to the park around noon, makes sure they're fed and happy. It's kind of ridiculous that she's getting paid to do it, but Jess is not complaining.

She mostly stays to herself, hides out in the guest house while Jared's home—he's a nice guy and all, but the Sam resemblance is a little jarring every time, and she's pretty sure that's what hired help is supposed to do, anyway.

But there are lines that must be crossed for the sake of coffee.

Jess is out, and she's pretty sure Jared would rather she let herself into his house to borrow some of his while he's home than let her near his dogs in the zombielike state that characterizes Jess until she has a cup of caffeine.

She enters through the sliding door to the kitchen and is rummaging around in the cup drawer as the machine starts brewing when she hears someone come into the room and sees a pair of bare feet standing beside the refrigerator.

She closes the cabinet, expecting to see Jared, and begins explaining herself. "I'm sorry to barge in, I just really needed some coffee. I promise I'm going shopping later today so this won't happen again—"

She stops cold as she gets a look at the man's face. It's not Jared, who looks so much like Sam, it's Sam's goddamn brother Dean. Only not really. He's like Jared: a perfect copy, but off. Older and softer and not as weary, and she drops the mug she's holding, hears the porcelain breaking as she stares.

It is weird but not impossible, Jess has convinced herself, that two people can look as much alike as Jared and Sam do, but the chances that a copy of Sam's brother also exists, and somehow knows Sam's clone? Jess is pretty sure she's gone batshit.

"You must be Jess. I'm Jensen, I'm a friend of Jared's," the man says. He looks down, then looks back up at Jess, ears slightly pink. "I, uh, slept on the couch last night. Because that's what friend's couches are for."

Jess finds the need to explain himself pretty suspicious, and then they hear Jared's voice carrying down the hall. "You trying to sneak away from me, Ackles?" Jared asks in a playful tone. "That how it's gonna be? Love 'em and leave 'em?"

Jensen opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, Jared's hand sneaks around the corner into the kitchen and pushes him into the fridge. Jared is too quick to see Jess as he rounds in and presses against Jensen. "I caught you, though. Can't get away."

"Jared, you—"

Jared kisses him then, and Jensen yields to it, apparently forgets about Jess altogether.

It's weird—it's like watching Sam kiss his own brother, but it's pretty aesthetically pleasing, and Jess waits longer than anyone would have if they were really offended before she clears her throat.

The kiss freezes, and Jared pulls out of it. Jensen laughs light and buries his face in Jared's neck, hands still pulling him in by his shirt. "Jared, you have a live-in now," he says.

Jared turns his head and frowns. "Hah, right. Well, then. I guess we oughta all sit down and have ourselves a little chat."

_______________________________________________________________

They sit at the table where Jared had interviewed her, but it's the complete opposite of the easy atmosphere they'd had before. Jess is watching the two men, who are opposite her with their chairs pushed close together. No one is saying anything, and Jess is ready to die from the incredible awkwardness of it all when finally Jensen-who-is-not-Dean-no-matter-how-much-he-looks-like-him lets out a shaky laugh.

"Jared, do you maybe wanna, I don't know, say something?"

"Why me?" He asks, snapping his head towards the other man.

"Your mess," replies Jensen with a wry smile.

Jared leans in, both frustrated and fond, and whispers something about Jensen being a pain in his ass before letting out a deep breath and focusing his attention back on Jess. "Okay. How much do you want?"

"Excuse me?" Jess sits up straighter, hoping she's interpreting the message wrong.

"To keep quiet. How much am I going to have to pay you to keep quiet?"

She relaxes, laughing a little at what she'd thought he'd been asking, and tilts her head to one side. "Uh…the same amount you were paying me before?"

Jared and Jensen look at each other, clearly lost, then back to Jess.

"Why would you have to give me hush money? It was a kiss, not a body bag."

Jensen laughs unexpectedly. "You…really don't know who we are at all, do you?"

"Well, that's Jared, and you must be his charming boyfriend, Jensen."

"Could you hold on a minute?" Jared asks Jess.

She nods. He stands and drags Jensen up by the shoulder, pulling him out of the room.

She only catches snatches of their conversation, "do we tell her?" and "faking it" and "she'll find out eventually" and finally "told you a live-in was a stupid idea." She's got one hand over her mouth, struggling not to laugh, when they come back in.

"Jess, we like you," Jared says.

"Cool?"

He plops down in the seat he'd been in before, but Jensen remains wary in the doorway. "I guess this was bound to happen."

"Look, it really doesn't bother me." Jess laughs. "We're in California—you're not the first gay guys I've ever met."

"This is L.A., Jess, think about it," Jensen approaches the table and sits, "we can't be gay, okay? Not publicly. Not if we ever want to work again."

"Which we do," Jared pitches in.

Jensen turns to raise an eyebrow at him, and Jared sticks his tongue out. It's obvious he's not taking the situation as seriously as Jensen is, which would be amusing enough if Jess wasn't being forced to think of how much Jared looks like Sam and how weird it would be for Sam to pass up a perfectly good opportunity to make sour faces.

"The fact of the matter is, you could make a lot of money outing us," Jensen says coolly. "And really fuck up our lives in the process. So if you want money, just tell us and we will give it to you."

"You're actors?" Jess asks. "Are you any good?"

"Jensen is," Jared replies, leaning back and forth in his chair playfully. "I get by on my looks." He winks at Jess.

Jensen sighs. "Yes, we're actors—is anyone going to have a serious conversation with me here?"

"Jensen, look at her." Jared pauses and waits until Jensen grudgingly glances in Jess's direction. "She's cool with it. She's not going to tell anyone."

"You always assume the best in people and—"

Jared takes his hand and squeezes. "And I have yet to be disappointed."

Jensen rolls his eyes, but his lips turn up at the corners when Jared pushes a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"You two are adorable," Jess says, even though she knows how annoying it is to hear that. She can't help it, they kind of really are.

Jared grins, and Jensen swats at him. "No, we're not," Jensen gripes at the same time Jared says, "I know, right?"

"How'd you meet?" She asks Jared, since Jensen is clearly not warmed up to her just yet.

"We were working on a show," Jared says. "Fighting over the same girl, you know how it goes."

"No, can't say I do." Jess smiles. "Who won?"

Jared laughs. "No one, actually," he says. "We got canceled pretty quickly."

"Oh no! Was it that bad?"

"The critics said," Jared begins grandly, "that the two male leads seemed to have more chemistry than either of them had with the lady in question, and that it made it hard to be compelled by the love stories."

"I'm guessing they were right?" Jess asks.

Jared and Jensen exchange looks and even Jensen stops looking pissy.

"At the time, we were very shocked to hear them say so," Jared shakes his head. "In retrospect…"

"Poor Genevieve," Jensen says wistfully.

"Genevieve?" Jess asks.

"Was our co-star," Jared tells her. "Lovely girl, just, uh. We were very bad at not looking at each other."

"She was head-over-heels in love with Jared," Jensen adds.

"Shut up, she wasn't."

"So was."

Jared shakes his head, and Jensen sneaks a look to Jess, silently mouthing, "She so was."

Jess laughs.

"Anyway, we've been together since then, and that was a few years ago. We're settled. But we can't—"

"Go around making out in front of the live-ins," Jensen says to Jared.

Jared snorts. "Yeah, that was my bad."

"Well, you guys don't have to worry about me," Jess says. "I'm just here for the pool."

Jared smiles like he believes her, but Jensen's expression is tentative at best.

_______________________________________________________________

Jared makes it clear that now that she knows about them, she's welcome to come over whenever she wants, as long as the sliding door leading from the backyard where Jess's guest house is and his kitchen is unlocked. The rest of the time, he jokes, she doesn't want to see what they're up to.

Jess doesn't ever correct him about that.

They sit around most nights, watching sports or sitcoms. Sometimes Jared will steal the remote and put on Jensen's new show, a science fiction series that is surprisingly good. Jensen stews and turns bright red, and Jared usually changes it before he gets too much screen time.

Jared's not working in television, Jensen tells her one night when Jared's not in the room and she asks why he doesn't ever try getting revenge. And Jess is pretty sure she's not imagining the pride she sees on his face when he jokes about Jared being a big, flashy movie star now.

It's a great life, taking care of the dogs, lazing around most days. The most stressful thing that ever happens to Jess is when Jared calls and asks her to bring the "kids" by the set because he misses them.

She enjoys hanging out with the boys, feels like she has real friends in them, and they never make her feel like she's imposing on them. So…it's not lonely. Not usually. Not until it gets to the point where Jensen is dozing against Jared's chest, and Jared forgets Jess is there and looks at him with an open adoration that breaks Jess's heart.

She's been in love, and she's seen people in love, and she's never seen or felt anything like what Jared and Jensen have.

_______________________________________________________________

"Why'd you leave Stanford?" Jensen asks one night over take-out and action movies.

Jared stops rubbing him, sits up. Jess can see the curiosity in his expression, she knows he's been dying to ask since the first day they met, but he looks annoyed that Jensen came out and did it.

Jess is surprisingly okay with the question. She shrugs, brings her beer to her lips and thinks over how to answer it. "I had this boyfriend, Sam. We were really serious. I thought we were going to get married, you know? And things kind of went up in flames." Jess secretly relishes the morbid hilarity of the expression.

Jensen frowns. "You don't seem like the kind of girl who would give something up because of a guy."

She shakes her head. "It wasn't like that. It just…it put things in perspective, and I didn't want any of that anymore, you know?"

Jensen still looks unsure, but Jared is looking at her like he knows exactly what she means. "There are people like that," he says, fingers playing idly with the tips of Jensen's hair. "For better or worse, they'll change everything."

They're all quiet for a long time after that.

_______________________________________________________________

It's a Friday afternoon, and Jared's movie is wrapping early. Jess has been on set for four hours, playing with the dogs and making sure they get to Jared as soon as he's on break, and she's pretty ready to pack them into the car and head home when Jared finds her and takes her wrist.

"Hey," he says.

She turns and looks up at him, smiling. "Hey."

"You kidnapping my dogs?" he asks.

She laughs. "Did you want to drive them home? Because, by all means."

Jared cocks his head for a second and then looks over his shoulder. "I've got an idea," he says. "Let me tell them not to call me a driver, okay? I'll be right back."

Jess shrugs and waits for him to return, which is only about five minutes.

"Okay," he says. "Gimme your keys."

"You wanna drive my car?" Jess gives him a pointed look. "Do you Hollywood divas even know how to drive?"

"Bite me, tiny," he replies, reaching over her and snatching the keys out of her hand. "Shotgun for you."

The drive is short, maybe fifteen minutes, and Jess thinks Jared is taking an alternate route home until he starts pulling into yet another studio.

Jess groans. "I thought you were done shooting for the day," she grouses. "I didn't sign up for this."

Jared laughs. "I can tell the expectations at Stanford were really intense," he teases. "I am done for the day. Come on."

Jess gets the dogs out of the car and follows him. Jared seems to know where he's going, which is good, because they could be on Mars for all Jess can tell.

Wait. They are on Mars. She looks around at the bright red sets and down the lot, where a large filming crew is focused on what looks like a broken down rocket ship. Jared holds a finger to his lips and gestures her forward, and she slowly begins to realize what he's up to as they approach.

She hears a familiar voice yelling out orders, and a few people make room for Jared and the dogs. He lets Jess go first, until they're standing at the front of the crowd, off to the side, near where Jensen's marks are.

He's chastising a crew member for sabotaging the ship. It's a serious scene, much more serious than most of the stuff Jensen shoots, and there isn't a crew member on set who looks uninterested in his performance—the guy knows how to act.

Even Jess is sucked in; she forgets where she is until a few minutes have passed, and Jared leans all the way over to whisper into her ear. "He's really good, isn't he?"

Jess looks up, catches the dazed, completely smitten expression, the way Jared's eyes follow Jensen even when Jensen's not talking. Her heart swells and aches, and Jess realizes she's in love with what they have, a little jealous, sure, but she's pretty sure she'd be completely shattered if something came between them.

"Yeah," she agrees, though Jared doesn't seem to be listening for a response.

When the director yells cut, Jared comes out of his trance. He looks at Jess and smiles. "We're in so much trouble," he jokes, just in time for Jensen to reach them and smack him on the shoulder.

"You're a dick," he tells Jared. "I told them not to let you in here anymore."

"Ah, but my charms, Jensen, my charms."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "And you! I thought you were supposed to babysit him," he says to Jess.

"No, no," she protests. "The dogs. You aren't paying me enough to watch him."

Jensen throws his head back on a laugh, drapes an arm over her shoulder, and Jared follows them, perfectly content to let Jensen play at angry.

_______________________________________________________________

"I just had the best idea," Jared says one night as they're getting ready to turn the TV off and part ways for bed.

"No," Jensen says groggily. "Whatever it is, I do not consent."

"Fucker," says Jared, poking Jensen's side. Jensen shoots up at the touch and he glares at Jared for waking him. "I don't need your consent. I need Jess's."

Jess looks over and meets Jensen's confused look with her own.

"I have a movie premiere next week," Jared says. "And I always have to go scramble for a date at the last minute, and fight to keep her hands off me all night. I can just take you!"

"Huh?" Jess says cleverly.

"Yeah, it'll be perfect. You're better looking than all those coked up models, anyway, and I won't wanna shoot myself after talking to you for five minutes."

"How sad," Jensen whispers to her. "Jared's been gay so long, he's completely forgotten how to flatter women."

"I'm serious! We don't all have wives waiting for us at home."

"Wives?" Jess asks, turning to Jensen.

Jensen huffs out a laugh. "Oh yeah, haven't you heard? I'm happily married."

"To Jared?"

"No, no, to my charming wife, Danneel." Jensen smiles. "I'm hurt, Jess. Have you never even bothered to google us?"

"I googled that show you guys were on once. By the way, the fans didn't seem to mind all the male-male tension."

Jared laughs heartily. "Ah, yes. You found those fans."

"Nut cases," Jensen mutters. "Though, you know, I guess they're right about us being in gay gay love, so go figure."

"Back up and tell me about the wife thing," Jess insists.

"I have a wife, her name is Danneel. We have a house. I'm there right now. With my lovely wife. Whom I love. Very much."

"Meanwhile, Danneel is probably at said house right now with her boyfriend Kyle."

Jensen laughs. "Right, there's that."

"So, you're…estranged?"

"No, no. We're friends who are benefitting from pretending to be a star couple. I pay for the house, she keeps her relationship discrete, and we escort each other to obnoxious events like the one Jared is trying to trick you into going to."

"Dammit, Jensen. I was going to tell her it would be fabulously glamourous."

Jensen turns to Jess and makes a cartoonishly horrified face.

"Count me out," she says.

"That's too bad," says Jared. "To think of the budget I was going to give you to buy a dress…"

And that's how Jess gets roped in.

_______________________________________________________________

Jared does give Jess a ridiculous amount of money to go shopping in Beverly Hills and even convinces Jensen's "wife" to watch the dogs so Jess doesn't have to worry about them. She finally finds the perfect dress, tasteful and sexy at the same time—a challenge considering the fact that Jess's upper body is more-or-less covered in burns and scar tissue, so the only skin she can bare is below the waist.

It's bright green, and Jess has to admit once she has it on that she looks pretty stunning. She hasn't felt good about herself since before the fire, so she lets herself bask.

"Holy shit," Jared says when she's finally ready to come out. "Jensen, dude, check this out."

He shuffles out from the bedroom, flaunting the fact that he can wear pajamas, because he's not being dragged to some event. His eyes go round when he sees Jess, and he smiles, but she can't help missing that it doesn't look entirely sincere.

"Beautiful," he says softly. "Really, Jess, you look amazing."

"You be careful, Jen. A few hours with her and I might just switch teams."

Jensen's eyes dodge away and he lets out a shaky laugh. "I was just thinking the same thing."

_______________________________________________________________

The premiere is every bit the slow, painful torture Jared and Jensen had promised. By the next morning, however, Jensen is teasing Jared over the gossip television speculating on who Jared's new girl is, and Jared is thrilled. He begs Jess to be his date to the press events for the same movie next week, and every time she agrees to a new event, there's another one he asks her to.

Jess doesn't mind pretending to be Jared's girlfriend. She has fun going out with him and, even if it can get to be a lot of fake smiling and waiting around, Jess will put up with that for the expanding collection of free haut-couture in her closet. The problem isn't the events themselves, it's that Jensen, however hard he tries to hide it, looks a little more afraid of her with every bullshit night out, and Jess doesn't understand how he can be crazy enough to think Jared would go for it even if she wanted to try stealing him.

It's obvious he is that crazy, though. He doesn't throw jealous fits or say anything to Jess, but the warm, easy banter they used to share at Jared's expense dries up and he spends more and more time dodging her as the weeks go by. Finally, she can't stand it and decides to just ask him if he wants her to stop.

"I don't," Jensen replies calmly. "It's the best solution we have."

"Jensen, you're jealous. You can't try to tell me you're not acting differently since this started."

"I'm jealous," he admits with a lot less protestation than Jess expected. "Tough shit," he says. "I'll deal with it."

"You can't actually think Jared would cheat on you. The guy practically doesn't know anyone else exists most days."

"I know," Jensen answers. "I know that. I don't doubt him, I never have."

"So what's the problem then?"

Jensen scrubs a hand over his face. "Look, it's stupid, okay?"

She crosses her arms over her chest. "You know I wouldn't try to take him, either, right?"

"Of course. Jess, I'm the bad guy here."

"No, you can't help it if you're jealous."

"Can't I?" he asks. He licks his lips. "He looks at you."

"He wouldn't—"

"I get it. But he wants. He does want."

"Doesn't mean he'd act on it."

"No, but it really sucks for him that he can't."

"That's what being in a relationship is about?" Jess points out.

"He was straight before we met," Jensen tells her. "Straight as an arrow, never even thought about being with a guy." Jensen scratches the back of his neck. "I know he loves me and he doesn't regret giving these things up. But I can't help seeing you guys and thinking…he could have been happy with Genevieve. And taken her to premieres. He could be happy with someone like you and not have to hide anything. I ruined it for him."

"Made it better," Jess says, completely shocked Jensen could have any doubts about his and Jared's relationship. "He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were worth it."

Jensen nods, but his eyes go straight to the floor. "I hate being the person he sacrificed for. I hate that I'll never be exactly what he wants." He looks Jess right in the eye. "And I'm so sorry, Jess, you don't deserve it. But I hate that you're around to remind me."

_______________________________________________________________

She gets it. She hates it, but she's not here to make Jensen uncomfortable in his own home, so she backs off. She stays in her guesthouse, comes over once or twice a week instead of almost every night, and when Jared asks she says nothing.

And Jess doesn't realize how much it meant to her to be included until she isn't.

She's getting a lot of reading done, at least, and has the dogs to keep her company. So she's lying on her stomach in bed with a book when there's a knock on the door of her room, and Jess falls right off the bed.

"Jess, can we talk?" It's Jensen's voice, and Jess has to wonder what the chances are she can get away with hiding behind the bed until he leaves. She has a tank top on, because she thought no one would see her, and her stomach ties up in knots wondering if Jensen saw the scars before he said anything.

"Don't you people have a phone?" she snaps.

"I thought it would be better to…" He takes a step into the room. "Are you okay? Is this a bad time? I can come back."

She takes a deep breath and decides to get over herself. Slowly she rises and tries to dodge for the jacket draped over the chair on the other side of the room. It's too late by the time she gets there—she hears Jensen take a sharp breath and she only has one arm in its sleeve before she feels his hand on her bicep.

"Jess? What…?" His face clouds over, and Jess wants to cower. She's never seen him angry, and he looks like he wants to hurt something. "Did Sam do this? Is this why you left?"

"No," she assures him. "He didn't do it. It's part of why I left, but he didn't."

He's obviously not convinced right away, looks her over closely with a guarded expression, and finally lets her go. "God, Jess, I'm so sorry."

She shrugs into her jacket, covering the scars, and tries to laugh it off. "Not so threatening now, am I?"

Jensen doesn't laugh back. "Of course you are, Jess," he tells her sincerely. "You're beautiful."

"Parts," she says.

"No, you are," he insists. "You shouldn't ever think otherwise."

She swallows hard and doesn't realize she's leaning towards him, hoping for the comfort of a kiss until his lips meet hers and she's kissing him back. It's soft and unassuming, just enough to make Jess feel like someone could want her, and she doesn't realize how wrong and awful it is that she's doing this with Jensen until one of the dogs barks at them and they spring apart.

Slowly, the fog of kissing Jensen subsides, and the terrible truth sinks in. The dogs had been in the house with Jared.

She looks from her feet where Sadie is sniffing and wagging her tail to the doorway to her room, where Jared is staring at them with wide, wet eyes and his mouth set in a tight line.

"I was just gonna… Our show was starting and…" Jared closes his mouth, apparently realizing that, of the three of them, he's the last person owing explanations. "I'm going home."

"Jared," Jensen begins.

Jared takes a shaky breath and keeps his tone even. "Jess, I think you should pack up tomorrow."

"Jared," Jensen tries again.

Jared turns to look at him, his lips shaking a little. "And don't you even think of setting foot in my house tonight."

He turns then, calls the dogs, and the door to the guest house slams behind him.

_______________________________________________________________

Jensen leaves after about an hour of trying to convince Jared to let him into the house. Before he goes, he squeezes Jess's shoulders and tells her not to move out yet, and when Jess tries to argue, he shakes his head and climbs into his car.

She doesn't sleep much that night, not that she deserves to, but she must finally pass out at some point, because she awakes late in the morning and thinks she hears…

She bolts upright in bed and tries to shake herself awake, but the sound doesn't fade. Someone is laughing. Jared is laughing. Jess tenses up, because the only logical explanation is that Jared has gone insane and is waiting outside of her window with a machete.

She slips on her jacket and a pair of slippers and stumbles to the door, opening it just enough to look out. The laughing is definitely Jared, and Jensen is the reason. They're lying out on a blanket, the dogs running around the yard, and Jensen is attempting to feed Jared grapes.

"You're supposed to wait for me to lower it, you pig," Jensen says, bouncing the bottom grape on Jared's nose. "Not jump up and attack like a fucking leech."

"You're taking too long," Jared complains. "I have needs."

Jensen puts the grapes aside on the blanket and leans down, kissing Jared.

Jess is either having a very passive aggressive dream or she's higher than a mountain, because Jared and Jensen can't be doing this. She ruined them; she did it less than twelve hours ago.

They stop kissing, and Jared looks up and sees her.

"I'm sorry, I was just," she shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other and then throws a look back into the house, "I guess I was going to get some boxes out of the garage."

"We're having a picnic," Jared explains, like she hadn't said anything at all. "It's almost noon, you lazy girl."

"Clifford the Big Red Dog here drooled on all the grapes," Jensen adds. "But there's still plenty of sanitary food in the basket if you're hungry."

"Umm…" Jess replies, stepping forward to join them out of pure confusion. "Thanks?"

"Yeah, no problem." Jared sits up, making room for her on the blanket.

Jess picks out a few cookies and a stalk of celery and takes one bite of each before it gets to be too much. "Look, about last night..."

"Don't worry about it," Jared says just as Jensen's telling her, "Don't bring it up."

"We've talked about it," Jared says calmly. "It's been dealt with."

"But I should still leave, right?"

Jensen very obviously evades looking at her, Jess thinks that means yes, but Jared puts his hand over Jensen's on the picnic blanket and shakes his head, shaggy hair swaying wildly. "Naw," he says. "Harley would cry for a week."

He grins and reaches for the grapes, which Jensen makes a show of not wanting to touch before handing over.

Later, Jensen offers to go pick up a pizza before the night's game starts. Jess, whose skin has been itching with the awkwardness of being treated the same as usual, feels herself tense up as soon as they're alone. Jared has probably been waiting to give her a piece of his mind all day, and Jess sits and waits for her comeuppance.

After about five minutes of silently flicking through the channels, Jared yawns and looks at Jess. "Did you see anything? 'Cause I don't care what we watch. It's all crap."

"Jared, please just be mean to me or tell me to leave or whatever so we can get it over with."

He looks at her for a long minute and then sighs quietly. "He said he had a good reason."

"What?"

"To kiss you," Jared clarifies. "He said he had a good reason and that if he told me, I would understand."

Jess's stomach falls. "He told you, then?"

"No," Jared says. "He just said there was one."

Jess stares at him and finally blinks. "And that's enough? You're just forgiving him like that?"

"Yes."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I love him. Because I can either believe him, accept that it happened, and let it go or I can let him go. And that…it's not an option."

Jared is not exactly a liberated woman, Jess thinks.

"What if he's lying?"

"Look, if he were trying to have an affair with you, he wouldn't have done it in my guest house. It was obviously just something that happened. And I'm not dropping the best thing I've got over some slip."

"Fine, fair enough. That doesn't mean you have to let me stay."

"I like you, Jess. You do a good job. And I think you're happy here." He laughs lightly. "Don't, you know, make a habit of it or anything. But I don't need you to leave."

She thinks for a long time, and finally she sits up. "Jared, I'm going to show you why he kissed me."

Jared shakes his head. "He told me it was personal. You don't have to tell me just because—"

"No," she says. "I want to."

Jared bites his lip. "Jess, are you sure? I don't want you to ever feel—"

"Oh, God, shut up," she says. She pulls the zipper of her jacket down, fingers shaking as she lets it fall from her shoulders.

Jared winces as soon as he sees the bare flesh.

"Jensen came in to talk to me last night, not to kiss me." She hesitates, unsure if she should cover it back up or let the jacket go completely. "I wasn't covered up and he was just trying to comfort me. He was caught off guard, and he didn't know what to do, and it was a kneejerk reaction. I'm the one who knew better."

Jared moves from the couch he's on and sits beside her, touching her shoulder tentatively. She only pulls back for a moment before letting herself relax into it.

"I'm sorry, Jared. I should have stopped him. I knew I should have. It's just been so long since anyone wanted to kiss me, and I couldn't."

Jared shakes his head. "Trust me, Jess, that's not true."

His thumb strokes over her skin and she feels a shiver go through her and pulls away, because if Jensen gets home, she is pretty sure he won't be as easy to talk down.

But Jared isn't trying to kiss her at all, even if she knows a part of him wants to. He just looks sad, all the way down to his bones sad, a kind of sadness none of her friends at school, not even her parents, hell, even Jess didn't let herself feel over it.

It's kind of making her uncomfortable.

She knows she shouldn't want him, but she does. He reminds her of all the things Sam used to do to her, but he's not like Sam at all. Sam, she's always suspected, whether he had anything to do with what happened to her or not, would not be shocked by this. He's used to suffering, he was always the one that needed help, and Jess was there to provide. Now Jess needs help, and Jared—Jared obviously wants to provide.

"So anyway," she says awkwardly, hoping to break the moment. "That's what happened there."

His eyebrows crease, but he doesn't say anything to call her out. Instead, he nods somberly. "Thank you for showing me, Jess. I know it wasn't easy."

She tries to play it off, but Jared doesn't let her. He smooths a big hand over her back and smiles sadly. "Anyone would be lucky to have you," he assures her. "You shouldn't ever think otherwise."

Jess sighs and looks away and doesn't say anything. It's maybe the brattiest moment in her entire life, but all she can think is that she doesn't want anyone, she wants Jared and Jensen and what they have. She wants to be a part of it, not just someone sitting on the outskirts interrupting it. She has no right to want it, no reason to hope it'll ever come true, and she's pretty sure she'll never want anything else.

_______________________________________________________________

Once they all know, Jess stops covering up while she's at home with the boys. And it's nice, makes her feel like maybe she's not as repulsive as she's felt for over a year and a half now. The only problem is that however much Jared and Jensen seem to have forgotten about the kiss, Jess can't.

She hasn't gotten laid in what feels like forever, and Jared and Jensen just get more and more comfortable around her as time goes on, until they're not just kissing while she's in the room, they're getting handsy and giving each other heated looks. They don't realize how frustrating it is or how hot Jess gets when they rest a hand on her skin idly as they're moving past her.

Jess is a ball of perpetual sexual frustration, and usually she would just go out and get laid, but she doesn't feel comfortable even baring her shoulders around anyone but Jared and Jensen. Jess has heard of vicious circles, but now she's sitting right in the middle of a really fucking big one.

And then one night it all comes to a head.

Jess is bored. The book she's reading is doing nothing for her, and, while she could logically have just given up on it and started something else, she decides to check and see if Jared and Jensen are up for amusing her, instead. The sliding door is open—which Jared has stressed at least a million times means Jess is welcome—so she lets herself in.

Okay, she hears the sounds, and she can guess what they mean, but she has almost no control over what she's doing, follows them because she's only human.

And of course they're coming from the bedroom. And of course the door is only half closed. And of course there's the soft glow of a lamp pouring out, like a neon sign saying, 'Come take a peek, Jess, you'll be able to see just fine!'

The groans are Jensen's. Jess doesn't let herself wonder if it's creepy that she can identify that before she sees him, lying back in bed, eyes closed and a shattered expression on his face. He's completely naked, pale skin standing out as the light shines down on him from the bed table, and Jess's eyes travel down his chest until she sees Jared moving, Jensen's fist tangled in his hair as he goes down on him.

Jared's groaning around him, like he's the one getting off, and he's all tan, muscled flesh. It's the first time Jess looks at him and there's nothing of Sam about it. Sam was too-thin gangly limbs, and Jared's putting Michelangelo's best models to shame.

Jess doesn't realize she's pushing the poor open so she can see better until the noise makes Jensen's eyes shoot open, and there she is, hand stuck in the cookie jar.

"Jess," he groans. "Jess."

Jared pulls off him. "Fuck Jensen," he gasps. Jess is cringing, waiting for them to get pissed. Instead Jared laughs and rests his face on Jensen's thigh. "That's really hot."

Jensen groans and tugs on Jared's hair, angling him in the direction of where Jess is standing. Jared doesn't seem to get it. "Yeah," he says. "Gonna finish you off, Jen. Gonna fuck, you, too."

"Door," Jensen manages to rasp out. "Fuck, look at the door."

"What are the dogs in her—?" Jared finally turns his head and then his mouth drops open. "Oh."

"Yeah," Jensen says, laughing breathlessly.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, I didn't realize you guys were busy, I'll knock next time," Jess says, rushing her words in an attempt to flee the scene.

Something catches her just before she's out of the room, though, and pulls her back. She crashes into Jared's chest and looks up. He's half-smiling, and his eyes are dark. She can feel his hard dick pressing into her leg.

"Jess," he says softly. "Were you watching us?"

She looks down. "Yeah," she admits. "I'm sorry."

"Why were you watching us?" he asks, nuzzling the tip of his nose on her ear and whispering, "Is it because you wanted to?"

"Uh huh." She replies, too turned on to make real words.

Jared steps back, letting her go, but keeping her hand in one of his. He keeps moving back, putting more space between them, until it's up to her to let go of his hand or take a step towards them. Jensen sits up on the bed, watching silently, and rubs a hand on Jared's back when he sits. Neither of them take their eyes off Jess.

Jess moves slowly, but she reaches the bed, takes one last step so she's standing between Jared's legs. Jared reaches out and pushes the bottom of his fingers under her shirt, taking a deep breath and holding it until she puts her hands up, signaling that she wants him to take it off.

Once the shirt's fallen to the floor, she has one last clutch of terror as Jared and Jensen see the deep cut Brady left across her stomach. Jared leans forward and presses his lips against it, and it makes her pulse speed up.

After a few seconds, he pulls his lips away and wraps an arm around her middle, dragging her down to the side of the bed Jensen isn't lying down on. She hits the mattress and bounces and they all laugh for a moment before things go hushed and uncertain again.

Jared sits back on his knees over her, and Jensen places a hand on her abdomen, moving down slowly. He leans over and kisses her as his fingers bypass the elastic at the top of her pajama bottoms, dipping under, into her panties. He rubs between her legs, finds clit and cunt and she's gasping into his mouth before he even has a chance to get started on her.

Jared, who never has been one to sit back and watch things happen, moves forward, pulling at the fabric of her sweatpants like an impatient child. Jensen laughs against her cheek and stops fingering her, giving Jared the chance to pull her pants off without his hand in the way.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he murmurs once she's finally naked, and Jensen's pressed against her side, touching her thighs with sticky fingers.

"That was a weird choice for a middle name," Jensen jokes, placing a small kiss on Jess's throat. "Guess that tells us what the Virgin Mary had on her mind."

Jess laughs, and Jared makes a frustrated sound. He reaches out, pulling Jensen away from her and onto his knees next to him, and kissing him roughly. When they separate, Jared tries to go in for another kiss, and Jensen takes his face and turns it towards Jess.

"Jay, can I…" He licks his lips. "Want to watch you fuck her. Know you want that." He presses his lips to Jared's skins as Jared whimpers. "Want you to get that."

Jared looks down at Jess, and Jess nods.

"You sure, Jen?" He asks.

Jess is surprised to hear him saying it, too, but she can tell from the way he's looking at them that he's not just being self-sacrificing. He really does want it.

"Well, you're still gonna finish sucking my dick, if that's what you're worried about," he replies, winking at Jess from over Jared's shoulder.

Jensen turns around and opens the nightstand, pulling out a condom. "We only use them when we don't want to make a mess," he tells Jess as he puts it on Jared. "Never thought they'd actually come in handy for birth control."

Jess laughs and takes Jared into her arms as he moves down. She wraps her legs around him and turns her face so Jared can lick and suck at her neck as he sinks down. It's a shock at first, almost a burn as he splits her open. It's been a long time, and even Sam wasn't this big, but it's not long before she's adjusted to it. And, yeah—Jared hasn't forgotten how to fuck a girl just because he hasn't done it in a while.

It's embarrassing how fast she's yelling, how easy it is for him to have her digging her nails into his skin and throwing her head back, swearing and crying out—who fucking knows what gibberish comes out of her mouth.

Jared's not loud, not like Sam was, just heavy breathing and a look on his face like he's too busy focusing to talk. Jensen, surprisingly, is the one who can't shut up. He moans out their names, and it takes a long fucking time for Jess to lock eyes with him and realize he's taken out lube and started fingering himself in time with Jared's thrusts.

His other hand is tangled in the sheets, she can see him struggling not to touch himself, trying to keep himself from coming before he gets Jared's mouth back.

"Fuck me," Jess groans. "Fuck me, Jensen."

His eyes go dark as soon as he figures out what she's saying. "Yeah," he says. "God, Jared. Move."

Jared pulls up, giving Jensen space to crawl towards her, and she turns her face to him. He hesitates, watching her closely, until she's begging. He finally presses his cock against her lips and lets her swallow him.

Her eyes roll back, fireworks exploding behind them. After a year of nothing, the sensation of being completely stuffed full of cock nearly knocks her unconscious. She comes then, and comes again, harder than she's ever come in her entire life.

She's not really focusing on how things end for Jared and Jensen, but she's pretty sure everyone gets there before they curl around her and fall asleep.

_______________________________________________________________

She wakes up the next morning with fingers skimming tenderly on her stomach. She opens one eye, sees that it's Jensen sitting up on his side. He leans down to kiss her good morning, and she holds him there.

"Jared's running the dogs already," he tells her as he pulls back. "Just us for a little while."

"That's good," she says. "Can't handle his noisy ass first thing in the morning."

Jensen laughs and kisses her again, this time a fast touch of lips. His fingers are still tracing the scar on her stomach, and she eyes him warily.

"Who did this to you, Jess?" he asks. She sits up, ready to go on the defensive, and he presses a finger against her lips. "And don't you try telling me it was an accident."

"A friend," she finally answers. "I thought it was a friend."

He frowns, but he doesn't get angry, just keeps running a touch so light it's almost tickling along the scar tissue. "No one is ever gonna hurt you again," he promises.

"I know," she tells him with an easy smile.

_______________________________________________________________

According to Jared, they are not an old married couple. He insists loudly for weeks, and in order to prove how hip and young they are, he drags Jess and Jensen out to some bar instead of letting them stay in and watch TV like usual. It isn't one of the hip Hollywood bars they would be expected to be seen at, it's out of the way, a sort of shady pool hall full of men in leather jackets and loud 80's rock.

Jess knows Jared chooses the place because they won't be recognized, but Jess likes the gritty atmosphere more than the douchey places they go for wrap parties and benefits, anyway.

And it's there, in that nameless bar off a highway 45 minutes out of L.A., that Jess bumps into the once love of her life.

She's surprised, once she's spotted him, by how obvious the contrast suddenly is between him and Jared. He's older now, too, and much more toned than when they were together, but the way he holds himself is enough to tip her off before he even turns to face her.

"Sam," she calls out.

He freezes, an almost animalistic reflex and turns very slowly. He shakes his head and narrows his eyes. "Who? What are—? Christo."

Jess tilts her head. "Well, that's one way to say, 'hello.'"

"You're not. You can't be." His eyes move down then, and she watches his expression break as he takes in the scars she no longer bothers covering. "Jess?" he asks, voice trembling.

"Hey, Sam."

He steps forward, grabbing her up into a bone-crushing hug. "Jess, seriously, Jess."

"Yeah," she answers, laughing. "Seriously."

"Jess, how are you not—?" He shakes long hair out of his face and Jess feels her heart float up in her chest. "That's an awful question."

She laughs. "How you doin' these days, Sam?"

"I'm…" He bites his lip. "I'm really happy to see you, Jess."

She catches the evasion and doesn't say anything.

"How about you? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Drinking," she says, sticking her tongue out. "Just how you left me."

Sam grins, really grins, dimples cutting deep. "Man, it's good to see you. Jess, I was so…I thought you were…"

"I know, Sam," she says, reaching out for his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

He takes her hand and squeezes it and…it's weird. There's a friendly look in his eyes, but he's not her boyfriend. And Jess has missed Sam like she never thought she'd miss anything, but she doesn't now, doesn't want anything but to know he's okay and whatever passes for happy in Sam's world. He's moved on, and Jess has moved on, and they're both silently realizing it and letting go when someone comes up behind him and puts a hand lows on his back, intimate and almost possessive.

"Ready to hit the road, Sammy?" a voice much deeper than the one she's used to hearing come out of this mouth asks.

Sam turns to look at him and smiles. "Dean, look what I found."

Dean faces her, his eyes rounding, and he smiles wide, but she sees something dim in his expression, too. "Jess," he says. He leans towards Sam and tries to whisper, but he has to speak up for his brother to hear him over the music. "You sure it's her?"

Sam eyes her with a warm smile in his eyes. "Yeah," he says. "It's her."

"That's great," Dean says, and she can tell he really wants to sound genuine. "That's really, really great. You guys can go back to…" He looks away. "That's great."

Sam turns back to Jess. "Well, look," she says. "I've got some friends waiting at the bar. I've got to..."

Sam nods and gives her one last squeeze on the shoulder, like he wants to remind himself she's solid. "Of course."

"It was really good to see you," she tells him.

"Yeah, Jess, you too."

She shoves her way back to where Jared is teasing at Jensen's collar, trying to get Jensen to stop swatting his kisses away. Jensen stands when he sees her approaching.

"There you are," says Jensen. "We thought you'd fallen in."

"We were gonna send a search party after you, but I'm not allowed in the ladies room, and Jensen, as you know, is scared of public restrooms."

Jess sticks her tongue out. "I bumped into Sam," she says without thinking.

"What?" Jared asks, and Jensen tenses, standing up on guard.

"We caught up and it was wonderful."

Jensen watches her for a sign of lying and finally shrugs. Jess laughs and grabs him by the t-shirt, pulling him towards the door. Jared follows them out like a duckling.

Later that night, Jensen sits to her left, holding a script with his glasses balanced on his nose, snoring softly. Jared is on her right, eyes glued to a book, and Jess is curled up between them, exactly where she belongs.

"Turn off the light," she tells Jared. "It's bedtime."

"I'm trying to elevate my mind with great literature," he protests, turning to give Jess a quick kiss.

Jensen yawns. "Pulp novel he bought in an airport," he murmurs, turning onto his side and placing the script and his glasses on his nightstand.

Half the lights in the room go out as he presses the switch on his lamp, and Jared stubbornly turns three more pages to the end of the chapter before setting the book aside and grabbing Jess into his arms.

Jess snuggles back into him and reaches out, pressing a palm to the small of Jensen's back. He makes a content sound and turns around, wrapping his arm around Jess from the other side and pulling her away from Jared until she's pressed against his chest instead. "Mine," he declares, clearly very proud of himself before dropping a kiss on the crown of her head.

Jess rolls her eyes, preparing for a tug-o-war, but Jared just lines his pillow up with Jess's and slides closer to both of them.

"Night, babe," he says to no one in particular as he resettles himself.

"Night," Jensen replies on their behalf.